This is a missing scene to the episode Call Of The Wild Part 1, so naturally, there're spoilers. This is not a fixit story, I'm just telling ya what happened from Ray's (Kowalski) POV and my speculation on what might be going on in his mind. Anyway, a big huge THANK YOU to the most wonderful (if not a bit slow ^_^) beta reader anyone could wish for. Thanks Sama!

Warnings: Spoilers for part one of Call Of The Wild.

Disclaimers: Not mine and I'm not making any money here, as a matter of fact, I have none ($$) and it'd probably be unwise to sue. I'm sure the first thing your lawyers told ya would be "Go for the ones with big money". Since I'm not one, with big money, leave me alone. Thank you kindly.

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Never
by Eugenie Chua

"Ray."

"Ray??" What the hell're you talkin' about, Fraser?

"Ray Vecchio."

"Ray Vecchio??" I looked at the guy at the door and then back to you and suddenly, I understood. This was the real Ray Vecchio, this man in front of me, this was the real Ray Vecchio, not the imposter with experimental hair. This was the real deal.

I could swear that Vecchio's eyes were about to pop out their sockets when he saw ya with yer silly grin, then Muldoon turned up. He got suspicious about Vecchio and at that moment, I knew that the only way Vecchio could get outta the mess you put him in was to kill us.

I seriously didn't know what to expect when he pointed the gun at us in that bathroom. I know that Armando Langoustini would have no trouble pulling the trigger, but I wasn't sure about Vecchio. The Vecchio a year ago wouldn't have pulled the trigger, that much I was sure. But this man, how much of him was still Vecchio, I didn't know.

I saw the look in your eyes, the way you looked at him with complete trust. It hit me then, right between my eyes, we were gonna get outta this alive. I trusted you, and if you trusted him, that means I had ta trust him, too, if you get what I mean. That was also the moment I decided that I hated the guy. I know, it's totally, absolutely, nutty, and illogical, but who ever told ya I was logical? Mister Instinct here, remember?

Anyway, Vecchio was pointing the gun at us, you were looking at him with so much trust, I'd decided that I hated him, and he pulled the trigger...

The bullet hit the wall behind you and you faked a fall. I got the idea and copied your moves. Vecchio left and said something to Muldoon and by the time his goons got in, we were ready for them. Man do I which I had a camera with me when I saw the looks on their faces!

"So, you're me," he said.

"And you're not you." I snapped back. Lame, I know, but what was I supposed to say? "Welcome back and here's your life"?!

I wish it was that easy. Somewhere along the line, his life became my life. His friends became my friends, his family became my family and his...partner became my partner...mine...

It's actually all your fault, Fraser. You made me so comfortable living this life, his life that now that he's back, I don't feel like giving it back to him. Because giving his life back would mean giving you back to him. You were part of this package labeled "Vecchio's Life" that was handed to me for temporary care, and now that he's back, I've gotta hand it back. You were part of his life, not mine. There was nothing in my life...

***

"You ever feel like...uh...you don't know who you are? Like...uh...if you weren't around somebody, or that somebody wasn't around you, that, uh, you wouldn't be you? Or, at least, not the...the you that you think you are? Um...you ever...you ever feel like that?"

"Never." Well, that's easy for her to say!

"Me neither," I replied. Frankly, that's just a shit load of B.S 'cause that was exactly how I was feeling right now. Just who the hell am I?

That Ray Kowalski who took the assignment a year ago was gone. Poof. No longer exists. The Ray after that was who he was because of a certain Mountie that came along with the assignment. Now that the assignment's ending, the Mountie would be going too. So, just what the hell am I supposed to do now?

Damn you Fraser! This is all your fault! Making me so comfortable with this life, with his life and...and...and going back to be his partner like the past year'd never happened, like you've never heard of the name Stanley Raymond Kowalski! Damn you! And Vecchio too! For waltzing back in here, expecting me to hand everything over to him at a blink of an eye! Damn you all!

Sigh. I know Vecchio's a good cop, or the Feds wouldn't have chosen him for the job. But that doesn't mean I can't hate him. Come to think of it, I think I hate you too, Fraser. I hate you for going back to work with him, for leaving me with the Ice Queen, for going back to Vecchio and...for going back to Vecchio...

If I'll have you? Just what sort of question is that?! Aren't I supposed to be the one askin' it? Of course I'll have you, you...idiot! There was no need for you to ask, Fraser. There never was and never will be.

Never.

THE END.

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