This story, my first in English, is dedicated to Marge, my pilot in the shallow waters of English grammar and American vocabulary, TYVK, to Claudia and Marion for their encouragement and for being my friends - and last but not least to David Marciano, the one and only Ray Vecchio!

Otters, donuts and flavored coffee please mail to regina.koellner@cww.de
 

A Night at the Hospital

"I'm sorry, Sir, you can't go in here." With a faint smile the green-dressed nurse pushed him gently back. "You have to wait outside. See the black chairs over there? That's our waiting area. Please take a seat there. The doctor will speak to you later then."
Ray did not understand. He wanted to follow Benny but the nurse's hand on his chest stopped him. Had she talked to him? His eyes wandered around finding nothing to fix on.
"Sir?" The emergency nurse was experienced in handling disturbed persons.
"Look, you can't be in the operating room," she said softly, taking Ray's arm, leading him to an empty group of seats and urging him to sit down. She knelt down in front of him and spoke with emphasis.
"As soon as we know more about Mr. Fraser's condition the doctor will inform you, OK?" She looked at him enquiringly and doubted if he had understood any of the words she said. His face was deathly pale and his wide-open eyes seemed to look simply through her. Finally he managed to focus his gaze on her.
"It's Constable Fraser" he uttered in a cracking voice as if the correct form of addressing would bring some normality in the bizarre situation.
"So it's Constable Fraser, OK. We will do whatever we can for him. Be sure, he is in the best hands now." What else could she say? Don't worry, everything will be all right? She knew perfectly well that sometimes it would never be all right again.
"Can I get you something? Coffee? Water?"
Ray shook his head.
"Well, I have to go now. You'll wait here?" As he nodded she patted his knee in a reassuring gesture, stood up and disappeared through the swinging door of the operating room. For several minutes Ray stared at the closed door as if the sheer power of his mind could make the operation a success. His mind was restless, the thoughts chasing each other and there was no escape from the picture that was engraved in his memory: Benny lying on his back on the platform, convulsively shaking in deep shock, his eyes wide in horror and disbelief, desperately sucking in air that instantly went out through his perforated lung with a cruel bubbling sound. And the blood, spreading on the concrete around him in a rapidly growing pool. To distract himself of the haunting vision Ray took a magazine from a pile on the table. The cover showed some rich and famous blonde woman once married to a no-more-so-rich and famous casino tycoon. These people meant nothing to him and even if they had, nothing he read made any sense at all. Ray put the journal aside. He lowered his head against the backrest of his chair staring at the polystyrene panels of the ceiling. The irregular pattern made him feel dizzy so that he had to close his eyes. He did not notice when he fell asleep.

"Detective Vecchio? Please wake up!" Using the voice like a rope Ray tried to pull his way back into reality. What ... He felt his shoulder gently being shaken and opened his eyes, blinking in the cold light of a neon tube. The man who woke him was a middle aged Indian-looking surgeon still wearing green operating gear stained with blood. Benny's blood.
"How is he, doctor?" Ray was fully alert now and watched the tired-looking dark face impatiently as the doctor took a place in the opposite chair and bent over to talk to him.
"Detective Vecchio, my name is Rafiq Gopal. I am the senior resident of this hospital and, together with my team, performed the operation on Constable Fraser during the last four hours."
Four hours Ray was alarmed.
After a short hesitation the surgeon continued. "I think he will make it, but we can't say for sure yet, I'm afraid. He had to be revived during surgery and we weren't able to remove the bullet. It's too close to his spine."
Ray closed his eyes and sank deeper in the black artificial leather upholstery. He tried not to picture Benny in a wheelchair in vain.
"He won't be paralyzed, will he?" He almost did not understand his own words.
Dr. Gopal sympathized with the detective's feelings, but he could not give him the answer he wanted to hear.
"Look, it's really too early for any predictions. We'll have to wait till he regains consciousness and we can make some tests. Before that any prognosis would be mere speculation."
"Can I see him?"
"He's in intensive care now and normally we do not allow visitors there. Maybe it would be better to get some sleep and come back tomorrow? We'll phone you if anything happens."
Dr. Gopal took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.
"It can be hours till he wakes up."
He looked at Ray's weary and worried face.
"I've heard that Constable Fraser had been shot by a colleague. Is that right?"
"No." Ray blinked and swallowed hard. "I mean not only a colleague, it was a friend. Me. It's my fault that he is here, you see? "
The surgeon  nodded slowly as if Ray had only confirmed what he already knew.
"I can't go somewhere else. It's strange, but I have the feeling that nothing will happen to him as long as I am here. Can you understand that, doctor?"
Dr. Gopal took a long look at Ray, than he finally nodded and stood up.
"Ok, Detective. I'll show you to his room. Stay as long as you like."
"Thank you, Dr. Gopal" Ray said and followed the surgeon to the elevator.

Ray entered the intensive care unit after Dr. Gopal had assured him that he would come back later to look after Benny. The room was designed for two patients and it was a relief for him to see that Benny had it for himself. He lay in the first bed and Ray had never seen him so vulnerable before. This was not the strong, always alert, every situation-mastering Benton Fraser, RCMP, he used to know. A transparent tube ran down from a drip and ended in a catheter, which was taped to his right arm. Several wires were fastened to his chest and ran to the monitor, where his heartbeat and pulse were translated into throbbing green lines and acoustic signals. His eyes were closed and from time to time Ray could see them slowly moving behind the lids. Ray was used to the monotonous beep beep of the monitor. It was not the first time he waited with a friend in intensive care. He took one of the monoblock plastic chairs which were lined up at the opposite wall, placed it beside the bed and sat down heavily.
"Hi Benny," he said softly, not sure how to go on. "Will you ever forgive me for what I've done to you?"
He started when his cell phone began to ring.
"Vecchio."
"Ray, this is Welsh." The lieutenant sounded as tired as Ray felt.
"Have you got her?" Ray asked afraid of the answer.
"No. They stopped the train at Gary where I am now and I searched it three times myself, but she's gone. Don't ask me how she could vanish from a moving train, but it appears she did. Ray," he hesitated, "there's another thing. Internal Affairs want's to have a word with you tomorrow. 9 o'clock."
"I'll be there," Ray said.
"How's Fraser?"
"He'll make it." Ray replied, wishing he were as confident about it as he sounded.
"OK," Welsh was relieved, "see you tomorrow. And don't worry about the investigation. I've already made it clear to them that it was an accident."
"Yeah, see you then." Ray rang off. An accident, really? Or a miscalculation that simply shouldn't happen to such an experienced police officer as he was.

Suddenly he noticed the cloying smell of blood in the small room. It was overwhelming. Ray felt nausea creeping up to his throat and choking him. With a gentle touch on Fraser's blanket he went to the window hoping to get some fresh air coming through a gap between frame and wall. The headache that had started when he entered the hospital was a red-hot pain now gripping the entire left part of his brain with iron claws, blocking every rational thought. He rested his head against the cold glass. Heavy rain was pelting the window, covering the outside world in a veil of water. Ray could hardly see the impressive sandstone facade of the St. Anne's Convent across the street, one of the few buildings that had survived the great fire of 1871. Suddenly lightning illuminated the blurred silhouette of the John Hancock Tower. He tried to remember if it had already rained when the ambulance took them to the hospital, but he was not able to recall any detail of the ride except Benny's eyes, staring at the top without seeing and his lips, permanently repeating toneless words no one could understand.

"You know Benny," Ray had to clear his throat. "I was here before. In this room. It was a few years ago. I never told you about my partner Frank, did I? He was a great guy and a good cop, one of the best. You could rely on him without hesitation. He would never fail me and he was more than a partner to me. We went through some similar problems and that bonded us. His marriage broke down about one year after mine and I tried to give him back some of the support he'd gave me when Angie left. But soon after his divorce the situation was getting worse. He started drinking. Heavy drinking. I know, it was wrong, but I backed him up every time he was too drunk to be on duty. I created numerous excuses for him and so I covered for him for some time. One day we had a very important court hearing. We'd caught a big fish. He was the president of a firm named Cooper Amalgamated. I can still remember it, and additionally he ran a profitable drug ring. You see, he used his ships to transport the stuff across the border. His lawyer was a slimy little toad who knows that his client was as guilty as can be and that his only chance was to prove violation of his constitutional rights during the arrest. Well, Frank had arrested him and I am sure he did it by the book, but he had to testify to it that day. When he didn't show up, I rang him several times and then I rushed to his house, steaming with anger and frustration. I found him in his living room. He had shot himself but he was still alive. I called an ambulance and he was brought here. It lasted two days until he died" Ray's voice was no more than a whisper. "He had put his shield on the living room table. There was a note on it, one of those self-sticking ones. He'd scribbled two words on it 'Sorry Ray' nothing more, no explanation. And do you know what. He was absolutely sober when he did it. They found no trace of alcohol in his blood. May be I should have seen it coming. I tried to talk with him about his problems, but he assured me that it was only post divorce depression and that he could handle it. Well, obviously he couldn't" Ray said bitterly. "I've refused to work together on a case with someone since then. Until you came along and, say Benny, wasn't I right? Look what ..."

"Sorry! I didn't know that someone was in here." It was a woman's voice behind him, so near that it made him jump.
Ray twisted his head angrily towards the intruder.
"What about knocking next time?" he said crossly, regretting his impoliteness at once when he looked in the friendly smiling face of a nun. She was about thirty he thought, and he was impressed by her beauty. Her milky white skin was flawless and auburn hair curled untamed from under her black veil. He was not sure if what she wore was a simple dark dress or a habit. Her only jewelry was a small plain gold ring and a heavy silver cross in a circle hanging on a cord around her neck.
"Oh, I knocked, twice," she repeated still smiling, "but it seems, you didn't hear me. Shall I come back later?"
"No, it's OK. I am sorry for being so rude but I really didn't hear you." In turning fully around he wiped the spot where his head had rested briefly with his sleeve. She draw a deep breath when she saw the large blood stain at the front of his brown camel hair coat. Ray followed her gaze. Was he still wearing his coat?
"It's his blood," he said almost apologetically, jerking his head towards Benny, "not mine. Er my name's Ray Vecchio, by the way, and this is Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police." Ray reached out his hand. Benny's name and title echoed strangely in his aching head.
"I am Sister Siobhan of St. Anne's Convent across the street." Yeah, she looks definitely Irish, he thought. She had a firm handshake. "You can see it from the window."
Ray nodded. "Do you work here?" he asked, trying to find out what brought her there at almost four o'clock in the morning.
"Yes, actually I'm the bookkeeper of the convent." She chuckled when she saw the astonished expression on his face. "Pretty boring, eh? You know, not all nuns can be nurses or teachers. Some of us have to do the more mundane work to keep it all going. So for the balance and my spiritual life I work part time as a counselor. The nurses and doctors here are really good, but they simply don't have the time to speak with everyone who's feeling lonely or desperate. Well and that's what I am doing," she explained. "I'm supposed to come here for two afternoons, but our Mother Superior turns two blind eyes on me when I come over more frequently."
Ray grinned. "You are lucky. My superior doesn't even turn one blind eye on me."
"But you don't look like a monk," she said also smiling.
"No, I'm with the Chicago PD." Suddenly the gravity returned to Ray's face and the headache let him frown.
"Hey, are you OK?" she asked him cocking her head to one side.
"Yeah, it's just ... Well, my head hurts a little"
"You should have told the nurse outside. They have tons of Tylenol or Advil. I'll get you something." She rushed out of the room.
Ray took off his coat, put it on the spare bed and sat down. He rested his elbows on the railing of Benny's bed and covered his face with his hands.
"Oh Benny," he murmured, "I wish you'd wake up and this nightmare would come to an end."
When he heard her return he put his hands down and straightened up again. She pressed two tablets in his left hand and a paper cup of water in his right.
"Take that and you'll soon be better."
Ray swallowed the pills obediently.
"Why did you come?" he asked her.

"Well, I asked Rafiq if someone needed me and he sent me here." she answered. "See what you can do for the two guys in IC 3," his exact words had been, "one of them may need your prayer, but the other one really needs someone to talk to."
"But it's in the middle of the night."
She shrugged, "I couldn't sleep, so why waste time lying in bed and staring into the dark."
Maybe she's haunted by her own ghosts, Ray thought and nodded weary.
"Do you mind if I say a prayer for Constable Fraser?"
"No, not at all," Ray replied "he'd certainly appreciate it." He stood up to let her sit down at Benny's side.
"So would you like to join?"
"No, thank you, Sister, somehow I've lost the ability to pray."
"So you don't believe in God?" Why couldn't she stop asking him.
"I don't know," and why did he answer? "Every time I'm out on the streets and I see a kid being killed by another kid for a pair of sneakers, or find this year's number 150 dead of an overdose lying between garbage bags, I can hardly detect any sign of divine intervention," he said sarcastically. Then he saw the unhappy expression in her eyes. "Look, I didn't want to offend you," he said in a calmer tone, "please go on. Benny believes in God, that I know for sure, and he wouldn't agree with me on what I've said."
"You didn't offend me," she said.
Ray did not reply. He was already tired of the conversation.
When Siobhan laid her hands on Fraser's and started praying, Ray felt excluded and retreated to the window again. As so often when he was with believers he wondered if they had knowledge he would never possess.

This time he was prepared when she addressed him from behind.
"Still raining?" she asked.
"Mm hmm, but it's lessening. Think it will be sunny again tomorrow. I mean today," he corrected himself after a quick glance on his watch.
"I could kill for a coffee," she sighted.
"Strange desire for a bride of Christ," Ray replied dryly.
"Come on, Vecchio," she giggled, "let's make for the coffee shop. It's open twenty-four hours and they have ten different flavors."
He did not return her smile. "I'd rather stay in case he wakes up. Can't you bring me a coffee when you come back?"
"I could, but it's not allowed to eat or to drink in this room. See this?" She pointed at the large venetian blind behind them. "We can lift these." She did so. "And there's a window and behind the window right there at the desk sits Rosalia, who gave me the painkillers for you. She'll keep an eye on Benton and when he wakes up she will notify us at once." Siobhan held up a beeper. She went to the door and opened it. "Are you coming?" she asked over her shoulder.

They were the only customers in the coffee shop and to Siobhan's regret only plain coffee was available from a vending machine. Ray did not care as long as it had caffeine in it. They chose a table at a window with view on the Navy Pier and Lake Michigan. The rain had almost stopped by now and they could clearly see the periodic red light of the harbor lighthouse.
"How's your head," she said after they took a place.
"Much better now, thanks." He knew that it was not over yet. The stabbing pain had changed to a dull pressure but it was still there, waiting for the effect of the painkillers to diminish.
"Will you tell me what happened?" she asked eventually.
He clasped his paper cup with both hands and stared down on the black liquid as if seeking for a vision in it.
"He fell for the wrong woman. Her name's Victoria," how he hated to speak out her name, "and he knew her from Canada. She was a participant in a bank robbery and he chased her through the wilderness. When he finally found her they both were in danger of freezing to death. So they kept each other warm and er became closer. Nevertheless he arrested her afterwards, but could never forgive himself for that. Some weeks ago she appeared in Chicago and this time he wanted to make it right from the start." He shook his head. "He had no chance. She murdered her former accomplice, blackmailed Benny, and shot his wolf."
"Wolf?"
"Yeah, he has a wolf, but that's another story. Anyway, he wrote me a letter revealing her plan to take a train to Canada from Union Station yesterday. When I got there the train already was in motion." He stopped to take a sip of his coffee. She could see the moisture in his eyes but knew he would not appreciate her compassion. So she remained silent.
He continued, "She was on the train, standing in a doorway and - I don't know - aiming at Benny who ran after the train. I thought she had a gun in her hand. I saw it."
"He ran after a moving train?" Siobhan interrupted him.
"Yeah, he always does that. If you knew him better that wouldn't astonish you. He runs after everything. Cars, busses, horses, dogs." The memory made him smile. "So that wasn't unusual. As I said, I saw the gun and she was aiming at him. It was a decision of a split second. Either I shoot her or she shoots him. The moment I fired he took her hand and she pulled him in. The bullet hit him in the back and he fell back on the platform." Ray pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes. "She remained on the train and later when it was searched at the next station, she was gone."
"But it was an accident then." Siobhan said, staring in her coffee so that Ray had time to regain composure. She did not know what was worse for him, that he had shot his friend or that Fraser might have abandoned him and their friendship to go with a murderess. He remained silent so after a while she spoke again.
"Do you think he would have gone with her on the run?"
Ray had asked himself the same question hundreds of times and he had come to a conclusion.
"No, I don't think so. That would have betrayed everything he stands for and everyone who works with him or likes him or even knows him." And me. "I think he wanted to talk her into surrendering before the train reaches the border. Yeah," he nodded vigorously as if he wanted to convince himself, she thought, "I'm absolutely positive on that. He'd never change sides."
Ray finished his coffee.
"You know," Ray said shifting the empty cup in his hands, "during all the years I never once thought about leaving the force, until tonight. I am supposed 'to serve and protect' and what did I do? Shoot a friend and fellow officer."
"Ray, you said it yourself, it was a split second decision. You saw that gun in her hand and you had to shoot. You couldn't foresee what happened then. No one would have reckoned that he'd jump on the train." She spoke with emphasis. "It was an accident and you have to accept it. I bet you are a good policeman, don't throw it away!"
He sighted, "Maybe you're right. I don't know. It happened so fast. I had no time to think, only to react." Ray put the cup back on the table.
"I'd rather go back now. I have to leave for the station in two hours. Some guys from Internal Affairs want to ask me a few questions." he said ironically and stood up. Siobhan glanced at her watch.
"Listen," she said as they entered the elevator, pressing the button for the first floor, "Think it's time for me now to go back to the convent and get some sleep before morning worship. I'll come back to look after Benton later. OK with you?"
"Yeah, thanks for your time anyway. See you then." He waved slightly at her and waited until the doors closed. Then he turned and went to Benny's room again where he was greeted by Rafiq Gopal.

Strange, Benton Fraser thought, the sun should not stand at that angle this time of year. And it was much too bright even through closed lids. Maybe that was because the canoe gently drifted down the river. He really should take a look at the fishing pole to check if a trout had already bitten although he wasn't hungry at all. Suddenly his right eye was forced open and a blinding beam forced its way right into his brain. Oh dear, something's really wrong with that sun, Benton was puzzled as his eyes tried to follow the quick movements of the light. Then he heard the voice and reality merciless descended upon him.
"He's coming back now." Dr. Gopal's voice was full of relief. "The pupils are contracting and following the light. Constable Fraser, can you hear me?"
He felt the soft tapping of a hand against his cheek and tried to nod, an effort almost too much for his weakened state, but he managed a slight movement of his head. The light was removed and he tried to focus his gaze at the face of the doctor instead.
"You know where you are?"
Another nod.
"And what happened?"
Yes.
"You need anything? Do you feel pain?"
Shaking was not as easy.
"Good, I'll come back later." The doctor turned away from him speaking to someone else in the room. "Just a few minutes, OK? Don't overdo it, he needs to rest."
"Thank you, Doc." Benton had recognized Ray's voice before his broadly grinning face bent over him.
"Hi Benny," Ray said softly and Benton asked himself if he really saw tears in his friend's eyes. But that was not what concerned him most.
"Victoria," he uttered in an awful croaking voice, brutally erasing the grin from Ray's face. That was the moment he had feared.
"She's gone, Benny. Vanished from the train without a trace. Welsh had it searched three times, but no sign of her. She must have gone off somewhere when the train was at slow speed."
Benton closed his eyes and shifted the face away from him. It almost hurt Ray physically to see him suffer so much and his rage about Victoria let him clench his fists. He heard Dr. Gopal tapping the floor window and when he looked up he saw him waving to come out. Ray made a quietening gesture in his direction and prepared to ask Benny one more question.
"Benny, please listen to me. I have to know it. Did Victoria have a gun in her hand when you ran after her? Benny?" Ray pressed his lips tight. Benny's eyes remained closed, he was asleep again. Well, Ray was sure he knew the answer already, although he was far away from accepting it or forgiving himself that his mind had misled him so badly. With a heavy sight he rose to his feet, took his coat from the second bed and left with one last look at his friend.

When he heard the door click shut Benton opened his eyes again, relieved to be alone with his thoughts and the grief for a love he now knew was lost for ever.

Ray left the hospital through the revolving door at the back and took a deep breath of the cold clear air. The rain had stopped but the pavement was still glistening in the early morning light. In a few minutes he reached the embankment of Lake Michigan. Lake Shore Drive was already crammed with commuter traffic to and from the city. A few early inline skaters sped along the promenade beneath him. The sun was rising on a cloudless blue sky bathing the shore line in golden orange. Maybe they could take a few days off after Benny regained some strength, Ray thought. Time to talk everything over, sort things out and heal wounds physical and emotional. A holiday far away from the city. What about Canada? And didn't Benny always talk about wanting to fix up his father's cabin?

The End
 

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