Author's webpage: http://www.compass.simplenet.com

Author's disclaimer: Written in May 96, before we learnt the truth about Caroline Fraser's death.

A Stronger Man Than I ..

by Claire Budd (copyright May 1996)
pedutacb@btinternet.com

Disclaimer : All characters belong to Alliance, etc. No point in suing, I don't have any money. I don't think I've plagiarised anyone...? Please let me know what you think of this - any comments welcome.

NOTE : This was written in May 1996, before we found out how Caroline Pinsent Fraser met her demise.

Robert Benton sat back in his chair and looked at what he had just written. 'At eight years old, he is already a stronger man than I will ever be...' Sometime he would have to tell his son how proud he was of him. Even now at this tender age, he felt that Ben knew more about the difference between right and wrong than it had taken him a lifetime to learn. He took out the battered black and white photograph from the inside of his wallet, and stared at it for a long time. How innocent that face was...almost naive. He hoped that Ben would be strong enough to weather what life would throw at him. And he would be there to help him through it. He had made that promise to his Caroline, as she lay in his arms, dying a slow, lingering death. He would have promised her anything at that moment. Anything. And she knew that he would have given his life to save her. They understood each other well. But of course, they both knew as he had said it, that though he loved Ben, and wanted to be a true father to him, he would always put his duty first. After all, what sort of example would he be to his son, if he did otherwise?

Robert wiped his hand across his forehead. It was so difficult sometimes, to keep going, out here - leaving the child behind with his Grandmother. He and Ben hadn't been particularly close before Caroline died, but there had been no sense of urgency then - they would have plenty of time to get to know each other, as Ben grew into manhood under the watchful eye of his full-time mother and part-time father. Now that his son was miles away in Alert, and they would be moving even further afield to Tuktoyatuk in the New Year, he knew it would be more difficult than ever to see Ben. And there would be little chance to find that middle ground, where they could meet as father and son and try to understand one another.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. One day, he would sit with Ben and explain everything to him. In the meantime, the journals would be his way of remembering...

'Bob...you coming for a drink? You have to let them buy you a drink, for God's sake - it's your birthday!

'Yes...I'll just finish up here. Catch up with you.'

'You'd better, or I'm coming back to get you!

Gerrard was always looking out for him these days. He was a good friend. Robert sincerely hoped that Ben would have as true a friend as he had in Gerrard. He placed the worn photograph carefully between the pages of the journal and put them to one side. A couple of drinks with the boys, and then to bed. He had an early start tomorrow.