(Standard Disclaimer)
This little story came out of a conversation with my friend Cat. I asked her "Are there any Halloween stories on the Net, yet? I would really like to see some." Being Netless, not to be confused with 'witless' I am unable to browse looking for my own self and must rely on my friends to supply my addiction of good fanfic. Cat said "No, not that I've seen. I guess you'll have to write something yourself." So, for all of you out there who haven't written anything, don't say that we didn't give you the chance. If you think you can write a better story than mine (& I know you can) you had better start writing, right now!! You've been warned!!! (Put sound of fiendish laughter here)

ALL HALLOWS EVE (or that's just a trick, Ray)

by Otterlady ottrlady@direct.ca copyright 10/25/96

The old house stood dark and silent. The front gate hanging on one hinge creaked in the dank wind that had seemingly sprung up from nowhere. The yard was weed-choked, scattered with ancient leafless trees whose branches moved aimlessly like the tentacles of some huge sea creature. Altogether, not a place one would want to spend a quiet evening having tea with friends.

Ray Vecchio, Chicago detective extraordinar viewed the scene with some trepidation. He had been sent to this address by dispatch in answer to a report of an intruder. As far as he could tell, no one in their right mind had 'intruded' on the premises for quite some time. He knew that he should wait for the squad car that had also responded to the call but if there was someone in the residence in need of help he was duty bound to provide said help. (Obviously he had been spending way too much time with that Mountie, it had started to cloud his sense of preservation!)

Pushing open the gate, which promptly fell off on his foot, he proceeded up the walkway. Stumbling over the loose rockwork that made up the path, he arrived at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the sagging front porch. " All this place needs to improve it is a big bulldozer and some burly construction workers to knock it down." Ray thought to himself as he carefully climbed the stairs. Suddenly, he heard a muffled bang and what sounded like a woman's voice abruptly cut off. Pulling out his service revolver, Ray cautiously turned the doorknob. Not to his surprise, the door swung open in his hand.

The darkness leaked from the interior of the house like a live thing. The short hairs on the back of his neck stood at attention and tried to march down the length of his spine. Gathering every bit of his courage (not to mention, dignity) our hero proceeded with much caution into the yawning maw of the black doorway.

Inside, the house was dank and musty smelling. Little rustling sounds surrounded him. He just knew that hundreds of rats. Big, mean, man-eating rats were even now positioning themselves for the attack. He could feel thousands of little spider eyes watching his every movement. Deciding that retreat was the better part of valor, he turned to make a run for it when the door suddenly slammed shut in his face! "Oh, God" he whispered, as all the blood rushed to his feet. He grabbed at the door, searching for the knob, only to find emptiness where it should be.

Turning around, Ray leaned against the impassible door. Again he heard a suspicious sound somewhere ahead of him in the interior of the house. Remembering the small flashlight that Bennie had thoughtfully given him just last week, the brave detective switched it on. Directly in front of him was a staircase, leading up into the darkness. To the left of that was a hallway, barely illuminated by the tiny cone of light from his flash. Having seen his share of haunted house movies as a kid, Ray knew better than to go up those stairs, so he decided to investigate the hall. Trying doors as he walked cautiously along the cobweb-infested hall, he discovered that they were all locked. (By the way, Ray had holstered his gun so that he would have a free hand to turn knobs and brush off cobwebs, just in case you were wondering if he had suddenly grown a third arm or something.)

Coming to the end of the hallway, he again heard rustling and what sounded like a body being dragged across the floor. Throwing caution to the wind, Ray pushed the door open with all the force in his slight body and yelled "Police! Hands up! We've got you surrounded!"

Suddenly, a bright light went on in the room, blinding Ray momentarily. Squinting, eyes watering, Ray was shocked to hear "Surprise!" yelled by many voices, some of which were strangely familiar.

The bright light was toned down and the intrepid officer was amazed to see some very ghoulish creatures prancing about in front of him. One of these apparitions came forward, having a very difficult time to breathe between roaring laughter.

"Ray, Ray, Ray. You should see your face. It's just absolutely priceless!"

"Fraser?!" Ray was startled out of his frozen state as he recognized the voice behind the werewolf mask. "Fraser, is that you?"

"Yes, Ray. Welcome to your surprise party." the werewolf answered.

"Surprise party. What the hell are you talking about? It's not my birthday!"

"Yes, Ray, I know that, but we decided that you needed a good party and meaning we missed your birthday this year, we decided that tonight was perfect." Fraser pushed the mask up to the top of his head to display a wide, impudent grin. "Were you surprised?"

Looking around the room, complete with various ghoulish decorations, Ray was shocked to see who were behind the masks. In the far corner, near the buffet table, was Lt. Walsh, repellent in a Angel of Death robe, chowing down with none other than his own mother dressed like a, a, a FAIRY GODMOTHER?! Also present, was his sister, Frannie, dressed in a black cat outfit, complete with whiskers and tail. There was Elaine as a Vampire, Huey as a skeleton, and was that Meg Thatcher as a witch?

Ray turned his patented glare on his friend. "Surprised? Surprised is not what I would call it, Fraser. Scared, maybe. Shocked, maybe. Ready to blow you away, yes! What the hell were you thinking? I had my gun out, I could have killed someone!" His voice got louder and more indignant with each word. "What the hell, do you mean, 'Surprise'?"

The Mountie looked sorrowfully at his friend, who was almost quivering in righteous anger. "Ray, there was no way you could have hurt anyone. While you weren't looking, Elaine removed the bullets from your gun and replaced them with blanks. We wouldn't take the chance of you shooting anyone."

Ray gazed at his contrite friend (or is that fiend?) and suddenly the humor of the situation struck him. Putting a hand on his friend's furry shoulder he started laughing. Between gasps, Ray managed to get out those famous last words - "You didn't say 'Trick or Treat' Benny."