Pairing: Benny/Ray V.

Category: Holiday, Drama

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, Alliance does, more's the pity.

Comments on-list or off-list welcome. E-mail: jeanniemarie@sprintmail.com

(c) November 22, 1999

Okay, this isn't last year's "THANKFUL", but hopefully, you'll enjoy it. :) This is the answer to this year's Thanksgiving Challenge.

*Ray was sad.

He felt guilty about it, since it was Thanksgiving. He had a lot to be thankful for, after all: a family he loved and squabbled with, a job that still held his interest, and the most beautiful man in the world loved him.

He smiled at that thought. Benny would blush (beautifully, of course) and insist that Ray was beautiful as well, but Ray knew how lucky he was to have a man so lovely inside and out to be his lover.

He sat with his usual grace on the railing of the Vecchio front veranda as he gazed down the street.

Waiting for Benny.

He was always nervous when his Canadian walked from West Racine to North Octavia. He wasn't worried about his neighborhood. It was fairly safe. But West Racine...

He had wanted to pick up Benny this morning but the Mountie had said, "Ray, I promised to help out at the neighborhood shelter. Since I can't help serve Thanksgiving dinner, I feel that I should go over in the morning and assist with preparations. Don't worry, I'll be at your house in plenty of time for dinner." He blushed. "I...I look forward to holidays with your family." He had then ducked his head shyly.

Ray usually knew when Benny was being manipulative. This was not one of those times. This was pure Benny.

So Ray had consented and now waited, grateful that Dief was with his lover.

The neighborhood was fairly quiet on this holiday morning, the occasional shout of children playing in backyards the only noise. A car would rumble by every now and then, but most people were comfortably ensconced in their homes as preparations for dinner continued. Every house on this street was in the midst of those preparations. Whenever the door to his house was opened, Ray could detect the mouth-watering smells of his mother's cooking. A twenty-five pound turkey was reigning supreme in the kitchen oven, the size a requirement of an Italian cook and a necessity when dozens of Vecchios were scheduled to descend on the house.

He sat with arms folded, one leg swinging idly back and forth. He looked calm and collected, but his heart was racing. If Benny didn't show soon...

He tried to shrug off his anxiety. Benny would come. He should be thinking about their situation and how they were going to handle it, because each man was tiring of the lies and half-truths surrounding their relationship. They wanted to be in the open, though the risks were great. And the greatest risk of all for Ray was telling his family.

He wasn't going to pretend that it would be easy. His mother was traditional Catholic. His immediate family and his other relations far and near had never spoken approvingly of homosexuality. In fact, any time they deigned to speak about the subject at all, it was usually in a derogatory manner.

Yet Ray wanted to be able to celebrate the holidays with Benny by his side as his chosen mate, not just his friend and partner. Those roles were important, too, but if Benny were truly a woman (and didn't just dress like one on occasion) then the role of spouse would be honored, not denigrated.

Ray wanted to wake up in this house on Thanksgiving morning with Benny in his bed. He wanted to come down to dinner after a session of slow, leisurely lovemaking, and eat his ma's fabulous feast with Benny by his side.

He sat up a little straighter. He wanted the traditional holidays but he wanted to acknowledge Benny, too. Well, so be it. He would enjoy one last round of family holidays without controversy or rancor. After this round of holidays, he was going to tell the family. Might as well start off the New Year with a bang.

Decision made, all he had to do was tell Benny.

Green eyes lit up as he sat up straighter. His beautiful lover was coming down the street!

His heart pounded wildly, his hands starting to tremble with excitement. The door opened and Mario, his nephew, popped out.

"Uncle Fraser's comin'!"

"Yeah, Mario, Uncle Fraser's comin'."

It pleased Ray that all his nieces and nephews liked Benny. The boy scampered off to the backyard, leaving Ray to feast his eyes on his lover.

Benny's stride was easy and sure, his sturdy legs clad in blue jeans, his delicious torso covered with a red flannel shirt and lumber jacket. The Stetson was placed proudly on his lovely head.

He was gorgeous.

Ray kept his arms folded tightly across his chest. He felt as if his heart was going to slam out of his chest.

Dief was making a beeline for the Vecchio house. No doubt he had already smelled the turkey. He would go into the kitchen and take up a spot in front of the oven, and sit up straight and tall and still as a statue until he was finally offered a piece during the carving, and he would be given a substantial portion when the family sat down to dinner.

Benny's face lit up when he saw Ray, and he was soon walking up the steps of the veranda and standing before Ray. The Italian wanted to take him in his arms and kiss him, but settled for a quick clasp of the hand.

"Glad to see ya, Benny."

"I told you I'd make it before dinner, Ray."

"Uh huh." Ray indicated the rocker a few feet away. "Relax."

Dief sat on the veranda, pale eyes staring at them. Ray sighed. "I think you better let him in."

"Right." Benny opened the door and his wolf dashed in.

"He's a first-class moocher."

"He's from the wild, Ray, and the smell of cooking bird meat is almost too much for him. Well, at least he isn't slavering over a KitKat bar."

Ray laughed, then his green eyes grew solemn as he regarded his lover, who had sat down in the wicker rocker again. Lips the color of rose blush were so tempting...!

Ray shook his head and Benny asked, "What is it, Ray?"

"Me just wandering off, Benny." He smiled at the concerned Mountie, who relaxed. Ray took a deep breath. "I've reached a decision, Benny."

"Yes, Ray?" A touch of anxiety could be heard in the soft voice.

"After the holidays, I want to tell Ma and the rest of the family about us."

Surprise flickered in sapphire eyes, then Benny smiled. "That's wonderful, Ray."

"Yeah, well, we'll see if it's so wonderful after we tell. By this time next year, I'll be waking up with your right beside me in my own bed, or we'll be creating our own holiday traditions at that rat-trap you call home."

Worry creased Benny's brow. "Do you really think that your family will throw you out, Ray?"

"Could happen." Ray shrugged. "You've heard the way they speak about gays."

Benny bit his lip. "Ray, perhaps you..."

"No, Benny." The Canadian blinked. "Don't feel guilty about this. I'll be honest with you, Benny. If I lose my family, it'll hurt. Take that and multiply it by about a thousand, and that's what I'd feel if I lost *you*." Ray took Benny's hand, certain that no one could see. His emerald eyes locked with Benny's sapphire ones and then the Mountie said softly, "I understand, Ray."

"Good." Ray squeezed his lover's hand. "Now let's go in and see Ma before she sends out a search party."

Benny smiled at him. "Yes, Ray."

That smile made Ray weak in the knees. He waited a moment before getting up, then released Benny's hand and they went inside the house.

The house was redolent with the mouth-watering smells of turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie pasta, and other dishes. Ray noticed that Benny's olfactory senses were busy identifying the different smells, and he laughed, clapping his partner on the back. In the kitchen Rosa Vecchio reigned supreme, stirring a huge pot of pasta on the stove while checking the turkey roasting in the oven. Frannie, Maria, and assorted female Vecchio relatives were busy peeling potatoes, tossing salad, filling salt and pepper shakers, making cranberry sauce, and generally doing a thousand-and-one things to help.

"Benton! How nice to see you, *caro*!"

"Thank you kindly, Mrs. Vecchio. It's good to see you, too."

Benny nervously edged closer to Ray as Frannie flounced over, her shapely body clad in a tight dark-blue dress. "Hello, Benton. Happy Thanksgiving."

"Happy Thanksgiving, Francesca. And a Happy Thanksgiving to all."

The women smiled and nodded their heads. Ray put a hand over his mouth to keep his laughter in. Benny was 'in' with all the Vecchio women. He could do no wrong.

His laughter faded as he realized that if they knew he was gay, then they certainly would consider that wrong.

"How can I help, Mrs. Vecchio?"

"Such a good boy! Could you please stir this tomato sauce? I must get some oregano from downstairs."

"Yes, ma'am."

Benny took up the spot vacated by Rosa and began to stir. He looked down at Dief, who was sitting like a statue as he stared at the turkey through the oven window.

"You'll get some, Dief, don't worry." Benny did not think it was a good idea to deny a wolf freshly-roasted bird meat.

Frannie was about to brush up against his backside when Ray abruptly cut between them. Brother and sister glared at each other, then Frannie returned to her potato peeling.

For about a half hour, Benny and Ray helped out in the kitchen while a steady stream of relatives arrived, then they were sent to set the dining room table. In the living room were a variety of male Vecchios, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on the television, the precursor to an afternoon and evening of football games. The children were watching, laughing and squealing in delight at the sight of the giant balloons that periodically graced the screen. Ray was carefully handling his ma's good china when he spotted his cousin Bert. His lip curled. The man was a jackass, and the king of the homophobes in a family of same.

Bert Lucchesi was tall, dark, and handsome, his chocolate-brown eyes as animated as his expressive hands. He could charm the ladies, talk rough with the men, and play with the children. He had been married once but was now divorced when his wife tired of his philandering. He could knock back drinks all night and never show the effects. His solid body was dressed in dark slacks and a white shirt, his rolled-up sleeves showing muscled forearms that had once been put to good use in the boxing ring.

Ray despised him.

"Ray?"

"Huh?"

"Are you all right?" Concerned blue eyes were looking at him. He forced a smile and joked, "Sure, Benny, I'm just starvin' for some of Ma's cooking."

"Understandable." Benny carefully laid down a silver fork.

Ray disliked the idea of spending the afternoon in close quarters with his smarmy cousin while watching the football games. Well, one football game after dinner, and then he'd suggest to Benny that they go for a walk. And they could spend at least an hour touring the neighborhood, and when they got back, it would be time to eat again! Ray snickered to himself as he thought of the groans of the recent diners, and how everyone would eat the buffet that Rosa would put out.

"Hi, Ray! Hi, Benton."

Ray almost groaned. His other cousin, Carmella Barone, was as bad as Frannie. She was dark-haired, possessed a good body, and liked tight clothes. Or at least she had been able to wear tight clothes until her marriage to Carmine Barone. He was traditionally Italian: the wife did his bidding, and that meant no tight pants or dresses and nothing low-cut. Carmella had already given birth to three kids and she still had a figure that envied Frannie's. She waved long fingernails at Benny.

"Uh, good day, Carmella."

She smiled at him, then sashayed off to the kitchen as her husband appeared at the entrance to the dining room. He was big and shaggy-haired, his black brows meeting between his eyes. Ray always thought of the word 'neanderthal' when he saw Carmine Barone.

"Hey, what are you guys doin' in here?"

"Setting the table, what's it look like?" Ray snapped.

"Women's work?" One bushy eyebrow rose.

"No, it's called 'helping out Ma'." Ray could feel the tension in his body but he successfully disguised it from Carmine. He was not so successful with Benny, whose hand lightly brushed his so quickly that Carmine did not notice.

"You and your Canuck friend ought to be out here with us guys. Let the women help Rosa."

"Oh, we'll be in after dinner." Ray smiled falsely, his green eyes hard. Carmine shrugged and went back to the living room. Ray felt Benny's hand on his arm and looked into his lover's eyes. "It's okay, Benny, he just rubs me the wrong way."

"Oh. Well, Ray, I hope that I rub you the *right* way."

Ray's mouth dropped as he saw the twinkle in his Canadian's eye. He shook his head. Mounties!

He and Benny finished setting the table and then went into the living room. Ray studiously avoided Carmine but ended up bumping into Bert.

"Hello, Ray."

"Hi, Bert." Ray disliked the man's perpetual smirk.

"So, how are you and your Mountie friend doing?"

Ray thought that he heard a slight emphasis on the word 'friend' but figured that paranoia was setting in. Came from too much of the closet.

"Can't complain."

Bert just smirked again, and Ray wished that he could wipe it right off his cousin's face. He moved over to one of his uncles, and was soon in an interesting conversation that allowed him to forget about Bert and Carmine.

He looked up just in time to see Benny get trapped by Uncle Luigi and went to rescue him.

"Dinner is ready!" Rosa announced at that moment, beaming at the anticipation on the men's faces. They followed her into the dining room, women and children already finding seats.

Ray took his seat to his mother's left, Benny to his left. The volume of Vecchios was high, Benny looking a little pained. Ray grinned. If he was going to marry a Vecchio...

The turkey was steaming on its plate, and Ray would be given the honor of carving it. Before he stood, however, Rosa said, "Grace."

"You say it, Ma," Maria suggested, and so Rosa clasped hands with Ray and her sister Lucia and closed her eyes.

"Thank you, Lord, for the bounty of this feast, and for everyone gathered here at this table. We are very lucky to have family and friends here with us today (Ray squeezed Benny's hand under the table) and hope that in the coming year, all will be healthy and happy." Rosa opened her eyes. "Now, eat!"

No one had to be given that command twice. Bowls and plates were passed around the table and everyone took generous portions. Benny always marveled at the abundance of food at a Vecchio feast, and even he took more than usual. He had appreciated Rosa's cooking from the first time that Ray had brought him home for a family dinner. It had been at one of the lowest points of his life when he'd been stalled in the search for his father's killer, and he had been extremely grateful for Ray's sensitivity.

He was the luckiest man in the world, all right.

Several conversations were carried on at once, as was Vecchio family tradition, and Benny tried to keep up with at least a few of them as he ate. Ray argued with Frannie while debating the fine points of the football season with Uncle Armando.

Benny looked up from his plate to see Bert smirking at him. He felt uncomfortable, the man's demeanor unsettling. He resolved to ignore him and concentrated on his delicious food.

*Truly I am blessed to have such a lover as Ray, and to be part of such a family as this.*

It worried him that he was going to lose that family once they learned the truth about him and Ray. He would miss the noisy meals, the festive holidays, and the feeling that he belonged somewhere.

*But I belong with Ray. Always.*

Content, he ate the turkey and decided to ask for a second helping.

Ray was happy, too. He was enjoying this last holiday before the bombshell, and he was determined to get every bit of joy he could out of it. He looked at his squabbling relatives and felt a wonderful sense of belonging. He had grown up in this family. They were blood. That was the ultimate compliment in an Italian family.

Belonging. Blood.

He looked at Benny. And Benny was in his blood.

Ray looked around at the crammed dining room, his family talking, eating, and laughing. There was Frannie, arguing goodnaturedly with their cousin Angelica about the latest fashions; Uncle Armando and Tony descussing the upcoming football games; his nephew Mario laughing with his brother Tony, Jr. Over all reigned his mother, serene as she surveyed her rambunctious, happy family.

Carmella's shrill voice carried above the general hubbub. "Gawd, and I said, 'He's a fairy!' He talks like one; he walks like one; he's a queer."

"Who is, Carmella?" asked Maria.

"A guy at work."

Another cousin, Ellen, shuddered. "How can you work with people like that?"

"It isn't easy." Carmella smirked. "He's got a *boyfriend*."

"Carmella!" Aunt Lucia frowned at her.

"Sorry, Aunt Lucia," but Carmella's face still held that smirk.

Ray's hands were cold. The fork felt frozen to the skin. He didn't need to look at Benny to know that his lover was still as a statue. The food began to cool on their plates.

So much for belonging.

He decided to shrug it off and started to eat his turkey again. Conversation still flowed all around him like an ocean wave, and he was starting to feel soothed again. His hand brushed against Benny's as he reached for the salt and he felt a tingle through his body. He smiled and took a sip of his drink.

"I mean, honestly, why can't men commit?" Frannie asked, the women around the table vigorously shaking their heads and shrugging. "You'd think after all this so-called evolution, the male of the species could get down to making a commitment to one woman."

"Regular guys can't do that, Frannie. It's in the genes," Bert said with a grin.

Frannie snorted. "Right! It's just their libidos talking."

"That, too." Bert winked. "Though some kinds of...guys...are even more of the roam-around type."

"Huh, I didn't think they could get any worse."

"Oh, they can. Can't they, Ray?"

Ray looked up and frowned. What the hell was Bert talking about? "What?"

"Guys, Ray. Surely you're an expert on them."

"Yeah? What kind? Murderers? Wife-beaters? Car thieves?"

"How about faggots?" Lucia was about to tell her nephew off as she had done to Carmella when he plowed on. "You and the Mountie would know all about that, wouldn't you, Ray?"

"What are you yappin' about, Bert?" Ray took a sip of wine again and hoped that no one noticed that his hand was shaking. A cold feeling had just developed in the pit of his stomach. Lucia's expression was stormy.

"You and the Mountie, Ray. Don't ya think I know? Vinny saw you two down in the warehouse district last Monday night."

Monday night. Monday night. *Bam!* Ray felt sick.

"Yeah, you and Mr. Canuck over there put on quite a show."

"What kind of a show?" Frannie asked, blinking her lashes coquettishly at Benny. Ray feared that Benny was showing the deer-caught-in-the-headlights look.

"Showing their...*affection*, Cuz."

"Huh?" Frannie shrugged. "Benton and Ray are best friends. That's no big news."

"It is when they kiss each other."

Conversation stopped around the table. Big, shocked eyes stared at the couple in question. Ray carefully put down his fork.

"So, Vinny saw Benny and me kissing. Your point?"

For a moment, Bert looked confused, then a feral smile crossed his face. "It's obvious, isn't it, Ray? You and your...*Mountie*...are a couple of..."

"Alberto!" Lucia's voice was sharp. Ray was afraid to look at either Benny or his mother. Oh, god.

"It's okay, Aunt Lucia." This time he did look at his lover, who was paler than usual. Sapphire eyes were huge in a beautiful face. Ray smiled slightly and Benny nodded just a fraction. Ray turned back to his sneering cousin. "Well, you and Vinny are right, Cuz. Benny and I kissed each other. We love each other."

The stunned silence hung even thicker in the room. Ray almost laughed. A comedy writer couldn't have written this scene better. Maybe he'd sell his idea to Will And Grace.

"You...are...*kidding*, said Frannie tightly.

"No." Ray looked directly at his furious sister.

"Ray..." Maria began, bewilderment clear on her face.

"Eww!" Ellen said, and Carmella and Bert exchanged smirks.

"So you don't deny it," Bert asked.

Ray shrugged. "Why should I?"

Frannie's face was a thundercloud. She leaned over, her chest heaving as she said in a low, dangerous tone, "How *could* you?"

"Frannie..."

"Raymondo!"

The stern voice stopped brother and sister in their verbal tracks. Everyone turned to look at Rosa Vecchio.

The matriarch of the Vecchio clan was calm, her brown eyes sweeping over the assembled family. Then she turned to her son and his lover.

"Is this true, Raymondo? You and Benton are...involved?"

Ray's heart pounded wildly. "Yes, Ma."

Her expression was the serenity of a woman who knew her world and her place in it.

"Then I think that you and Benton better leave."

The coldness spread through Ray's body. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it. His mother's eyes were as cold as his insides.

He rose wordlessly, throwing his napkin down on his half-full plate. Benny did the same and followed him out of the room and into the kitchen, where Dief was lying by the oven. Benny got their coats and was just about to hand Ray's to him when the Italian stalked over to the counter and picked up a knife.

"Ray..."

"Don't worry, Benny, I'm not gonna go chop off Bert's head." Ray started cutting the cherry pie. "Or his privates. You and I are going to have some slices of this. Dief, too."

Benny watched, swallowing hard, his eyes blinking back tears. Ray carefully cut three slices of pie, wrapped them tightly, and placed them in a box that had held doughnuts. He said to Dief, "C'mon, Dief, let's go," and marched out of the house, Benny and Dief following him. They went to the Riv and piled in, Ray just sitting behind the wheel for a long moment, his stomach starting to churn as he stared at the house where he grew up...

* * * * * *

Ray shot up from bed, sweating and shaking. Oh, god. Oh, god.

Benny was still asleep, which was unusual for him. If his lover woke up abruptly from a nightmare, the Mountie would usually be wide awake instantly.

*Jeez, Benny must be really beat. Well, a guy who gets up at the crack of dawn every day must get tired.*

Ray climbed out of bed, still feeling shaky. He pulled on his dark-green robe and wandered over to the window. Man, what a dream! He shuddered. Of course, that scenario could very well happen when he finally *did* tell his family about him and Benny.

He gazed down at the shabby street. So different from the street he grew up on, but a whole other world. A world that suited him right down to his toes because Benny was in it.

Tomorrow he and Benny would spend Thanksgiving with his family, and there would be Christmas and New Year's after that, and then he would come clean and come what may, he would still be with his Benny.

"Ray?"

He turned to see his lover looking at him from bed. A stray lock of hair fell over his brow, looking ravishingly endearing.

"Hi, love."

"Ray..."

"Hey, go back to sleep, baby. I'll get dressed and make us breakfast. Just relax, Benny."

Ray smiled and tied his robe tighter. "We'll spend Thanksgiving with the family tomorrow and then have the whole weekend to ourselves." He felt his stomach flutter as Benny looked stricken. "What is it, *caro*?" He took his lover's hand and was surprised at how cold it felt.

"Ray, about Thanksgiving..."

"Yeah, okay, I'll admit I had this weird dream about it." He quickly told Benny the gist of it. The Canadian began to tremble. "What is it, Benny?" Dief padded over to the bed and looked up at the two of them.

"Ray, your dream..."

"Yeah?"

"It wasn't a dream. It all really happened. Yesterday."

Ray stared at Benny, then reality came crashing in on him. Of course. But the human mind is a strange thing. Denial is one of its strongest assets.

When the pain is too much for a human heart to bear.

His face crumpled as he sat heavily on the bed, Benny enfolding him in his arms and caressing his back, rocking him gently as Ray cried.*