"A Poor Boy Too"
By Viridian5
12/6/00

RATING: PG; Fraser/Kowalski. If m/m interaction bothers you, walk on by.
SPOILERS: slight spoilers for "North," "Mountie on the Bounty," and "Easy Money."
SUMMARY: Ray's still looking for a gift for his dad, while Fraser's looking for something else.
ARCHIVAL/DISTRIBUTION: Hexwood and Serge. If some kind person feels that this story is appropriate for DSX and wouldn't mind posting it, that would be great as well. Anywhere else too, as long as you ask me first.
FEEDBACK: can be sent to Viridian5@aol.com
DISCLAIMERS: All things due South belong to Alliance no matter how much I want Ray K to belong to me. No infringement intended. Suing me would be a waste of time. Besides, I'd just kick you in the head.
NOTES: This story is a sequel to "No Such Thing as Santa" in the Above All This Bustle series, but it can stand on its own.
Thanks to Latonya for a read-through.

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"A Poor Boy Too"
By Viridian5
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The mall's atmosphere surprised Ben. He'd never been in one right after it opened its doors for the day, and the scene struck him as so utterly different from how he normally experienced it that it felt surreal. Without shoppers, it seemed to hold a feeling of infinite space and an echoing hush he associated with churches.

"Wow, it's quiet as a church in here. Saturday morning mass in a shrine to capitalism," Ray said softly.

Ray pulled Ben's thoughts out of the ether enough that Ben wondered why it still had the power to surprise him. "Indeed."

Their footsteps and the click of Diefenbaker's claws on stone sounded clear yet muffled at the same time, as if they too felt unwilling to disturb the peace. Occasionally the grinding clanking of metal grates being rolled up from opening stores provided a brief but also muffled shock of noise.

The sunbeams that passed through the skylights high overhead provided a soft, diffuse light that gave Ray's hair a faint glow. Ben enjoyed the effect as much as he enjoyed the peace and near stillness. Then, as they passed the food court, a mad riot of chirping started from the trees. Ray shook his head. "Mall sparrows."

"Yes, Ray?" So much for quiet. But Ben found he didn't mind the way Ray usually shattered any stillness, bringing sound and motion into the world.

"You ever wonder if they miss outside? Yeah, in here they have food, lots of space to fly, and even trees, but do ya think they miss the wind and sun? It's probably easier to get food in here, but outside they're... free. Free to starve maybe, but maybe they miss outside. Maybe they even go looking for a way out. The worse thing is that the solution is simple... to us, and they don't even know it exists. We just open and close a door. They can't. So they're trapped in here. And if we wanted to help them, they wouldn't understand; they'd fight like hell if we caught 'em and took 'em to a door. They can only get out if a bunch of factors fell into perfect place all at once or through outside intervention, like us taking 'em out."

Ben took a moment to appreciate Ray's thought into and compassion on the topic, then said, "You still don't know what to buy your father for Christmas."

"And the clock is ticking, and it's driving me up a wall. I know, I know, 'I'm sure he'll love anything you choose to give him simply because it's from you,' but I doubt that, and this is the first Christmas I'm spending with them in forever, and I want it to be perfect. Would yer father have accepted just anything?"

"He'd probably want it to be practical, but his circumstances were different from your father's."

Ben held back a sigh as his father appeared and said, "Practicality is a virtue, son."

"Did you have problems with yer dad, Fraser? I know you came here on the trail of his murderers and all, but you always talk more about what he did than who he was."

"I didn't have any problems with my father, Ray."

"Good man," his father said.

Ben looked at his father sidelong and said, "He wasn't around often enough for me to have problems with."

"I'm suddenly reminded of a Shakespearean quote regarding serpent's teeth and thankless children."

"That sounds like a problem," Ray said.

"What would the Yank know? His own father disowned him for a while and no doubt for just cause."

Ben refused to dignify that with a response. To Ray he said, "In fact, his absences made a strong impact on how I chose to live my life as a Mountie."

"Yeah? I get the feeling yer not just talking about the 'be all that you can be' stuff."

"That's the American army's motto, Ray."

"I know that, and you know what I mean."

"You can tell that prying Yank to mind his own business. You're not some American who needs to explore his feelings with everyone around him. As if anyone cares anyway."

Goaded past reticence, Ben's words came out in a rush. "I chose to be a bachelor to spare some poor woman and our children the lonely life I had, forever waiting, as a child."

His father's speechless horror--doubtlessly inspired by the public admission instead of the thought of what loneliness his son must have felt--made the feeling of exposure worth it. Ray putting his hand on Ben's shoulder and squeezing made it worthwhile as well.

"That's a rough tradeoff to make, Fraser."

"I felt it necessary. I knew it wouldn't be easy." It hadn't been easy to be as much of a paragon of a Mountie as his father while striving to be a better man.

"So you... kinda felt abandoned too?"

"Buck and I never spoke to one another like this! You will cease and desist."

If his conversation with Ray hadn't been so important, Ben would have voiced a tart response right there. He didn't want Ray to get lost in a confusion of two simultaneous conversations, and Ray's struck him as more vital by far. "Yes, Ray."

Ben pondered his father's method of teaching him to make a fire and reflected that not many people had an experience that made a perfect metaphor to draw on when describing a whole relationship. Abandoned in the night with no hope of rescue unless they succeeded in the task they'd been given, left to figure it out on their own. Terrified....

"I want you to come spend Christmas with us," Ray said. "I don't care how many times you say no."

"You deserve time with your family. I'd only be a distraction, in the way."

"Sure."

"You will not trick me into coming or drag me there."

Ray grinned. "Doesn't mean I can't try."

"I outweigh you."

"I can outstubborn you. It'll take some effort, but I'll do it."

"I'm hardly stubborn."

"Riiiight."

"I actually have to agree with the Yank on that one."

It took stamina to avoid replying that Ben had no idea where he could have inherited his stubbornness from. "I see that I can't sway you from your wrongheaded impression of me."

"Would you at least spend the rest of Christmas with me?" Ray asked. "I wouldn't feel right otherwise."

"You could use the company, son. You're catching flies with your mouth open like that. Do you really think me so utterly predictable?"

Actually, Ben thought his father might have said that to take advantage of Ben's tendency to do the opposite of what his father told him to do.

"I heard that," his father said.

Only iron self-control kept Ben from testing that by thinking of something certain to send his father fleeing.

"That's unnecessary," his father said. "I'll go. I don't stay where I'm not wanted."

Since when?

"Hmph!" Ben's father vanished.

"Fraser!"

"Yes, Ray?"

"Did the thought of spending Christmas Day with me so terrify you that you went into shock?"

"No, not at all."

"'Thinking' again?"

"I do a great deal of it."

"Yeah. So. Stop stalling on an answer."

"I would be happy to spend the rest of the day with you."

"You swear on yer Mountie honor, right? Yer spending the rest of the day with me."

"Ray, my word is good!"

"Just checking." Ray looked into a store window and sighed.

"Really, the gift of yourself is the best thing you can give your father." As Ray snorted at that statement, Ben continued, "Yes, I have a cliche for every occasion. But every cliche becomes one because it contains truth."

"That's also a cliche."

"It's also true."

Ray shook his head. "No. Do not do that Occam's theory thing on me again. Talk about lies and truth long enough, I start flashing back to freezing my ass off as I prepare to drown."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"You do that."

A large plush polar bear started to move jerkily amidst the other Christmas decorations. Dief gave it a puzzled look but said nothing. For a change.

"So we have some Christmas time together. If I survive my folks," Ray said.

"You will survive."

"Yeah, as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive."

"You have all your life to live?"

"And I have all my love to give." Ray snorted. "Man, you lived, like, the Grizzly Adams childhood, and you still got disco?"

"I don't think anyone had a choice about that."

Ray suddenly smiled one of his rare wide and open smiles and put his arm over Ben's shoulder. "Hey, let's blow this joint."

Ben basked in Ray's happiness and wondered if his leaning into Ray's solid warmth was subtle enough to escape Ray's notice. "What about the gift?"

"Fraser, my friend, I just got an idea--"

"From disco?"

"From wherever the hell I get ideas from. I know what I can give my dad now, and it's something I can't get here. In fact, I have to wait 'til Monday to put things in motion for it. Anyway, people're showing up, so we don't have the mall to ourselves anymore."

Indeed, the volume level had risen as shoppers started to stream in, slowly transforming the mall back to its usual noisy, bustling self. "Are you suggesting we remove ourselves to somewhere else where we will be all to ourselves?"

"Yep. My place. It's about time you saw Bullitt. It explains many, many things."

"That's one of Steve McQueen's movies, correct?"

"Uh-huh."

Alone with Ray and one of Ray's heroes. "How could I refuse?"