Author: Debbie Hann

Rating: PG

Pairing(s): none

Teaser: Ray K and Fraser are reading the paper again while still stuck baby-sitting the same suspect.

Disclaimer: These wonderful characters belong to Alliance; I am only taking them out to play, although Spinaldo is mine. I also do not own Roy Rivenburg's "Off Kilter" column. I got this snippet from the November 1, 1999 column as it appeared in the "Life and Style" section of the LA TIMES.

I never thought there would be a sequel to the errant bit of silliness I did a few weeks ago called "Only in the USA," but then tonight I saw this snippet, and knew Ray K needed to be reading the paper again!

~*~*~*~*~

When we last left our heroes, they were in a hotel room baby-sitting Spinaldo...

Fraser sat on the floor at the corner of the bed not currently occupied by Mr. Spinaldo whittling away at the post so he could reseat the caster; it had been bothering him all week to see the screws half in and half out of their holes, so he had decided to fix it while waiting for Ray to come back with breakfast and the newspaper.

The scraping noise was getting to Spinaldo. "What the hell are you doing?" He asked Fraser.

"I am attempting to fix the caster on this bed so that it will roll properly."

Spinaldo scoffed, but as he flopped back down against the pillows, he said, "I guess anything is better than watching the paint flaking off the ceiling."

Fraser thought the comparison was a bit odd, but replied only, "Certainly."

"So when am I going to get outta this hell-hole?"

"You are evidently going to be arraigned tomorrow, Mr. Spinaldo, and after that you will be in the care of the Federal Government."

"This sucks."

"Perhaps it would have been better to think of that before you carried out the contract on Mr. The Elbow.

"Whatever." He continued whining, "When is Kowalski going to be back with the food?"

"He left approximately 17.5 minutes ago, and taking into account the soreness in his foot from where he kicked the wall yesterday, I would say he should be returning in under two minutes."

Spinaldo just stared at him, so Fraser went back to fixing the bed. Two minutes later, Fraser heard two pounds, a tap, and then two pounds at the door. Spinaldo leapt up and said, "I'll get it."

"No. You will sit down, Mr. Spinaldo." When the other man continued to move towards the door, Fraser said, "Now." The skinny little man stopped and sat down sulkily.

Fraser let Ray in and relieved his partner of the shopping bag.

"Ah, I see we're poutin' again. Ya' tried ta' get ta' the door again, huh, bacon-brain?

Fraser decided to change the subject before Spinaldo answered and Ray felt tempted to try and kick the suspect again. Last time Ray had hit the wall rather than Mr. Spinaldo. "What did you bring back today, Ray?"

Ray turned back to his friend, "Oh, hey, I found ya' some berries this morning; thought they'd go good on that Red River cereal ya' got so exited about yesterday."

"That was very kind of you, Ray. And I see that you were able to obtain a paper."

"Yep," Ray replied, as he tossed a donut at Spinaldo.

"It's crumb! I wanted chocolate."

"Quit yer belly-aching," Ray shot back.

Silence reigned for a few minutes while Fraser and Ray divided the paper Ray once again grabbed the funnies, Fraser the Front Section and began eating their breakfast. When Ray started laughing wildly a few minutes later, Fraser watched carefully to determine whether or not his friend was choking, but seeing the grin on Ray's face asked, "Mr. Rivenburg's column again, Ray?"

Hooting with laughter, Ray said, "Oh, yeah, Benton-buddy, oh, yeah. I so wish I knew where he collected all these crazy little bits. Remember how I said the other day that you'd only find weird stuff like what that Tennessee preacher said in the US of A? Well, I take it back! Listen ta' this: Rivenburg titled this one 'Future Horror Movie.' 'A Canadian aerobics instructor says her home is haunted by a coffee mug that mysteriously plays the song "You Light up My Life" every morning at 6:50 a.m., according to Fate magazine.'"

Fraser could think of nothing so say but, "How odd that it would play at the same time everyday."

Ray grinned, "Maybe being schedule driven is just a Canadian thing, huh, Fraze?"

"Now if it was playing "Oh, Canada" I would understand the regularity," Fraser countered.

That broke Ray up again, "Good one, Fraze! I'll get you started reading the funnies yet!"

Spinaldo stared at them both and said, "You are both freaks."

Ray and Fraser just grinned at each other.

End!

Copyright Deborah Hann, Nov. 1999