Warnings: M/M, NC-17 sex, obsessive behavior, titillation, Dief, celery and a knife. Oh! And the disclaimer at the end. And there *will* be a test!

Promises: Erotica (James), complete lack of inhibitions (Dyevka), no tears (Gloria), a floor but not 'Rough' (Elaine W.), no TDL (just about everybody on the list), fun (Del), humor (Laurie) and penetration (Oh, my! Well, you know who you are.) Now on with our story-- Wait! What about a promise for me? Oh. And Ma (Mitch). Thank you kindly. And you can snuggle Katrina in there too. And Ma {sigh}  (Katrina and Mitch) My name's last? {sigh}

"Ah Benny, that's disgusting!

Fraser draped the kitchen towel over his arm and moved the bowl of shredded lettuce back from the counter's edge. "I hardly think your mother having a lovely dinner out with Sergeant Frobisher is even remotely disgusting, Ray."

"Well you're wrong, pal." Ray illustrated his point by waving a carving knife in tight circles inches from Fraser's face. He turned back to chopping the assorted vegetables the Mountie had laid out for him.

Fraser padded barefoot around Ray in the apartment's tiny kitchen. "I see no harm in your mother and Sergeant Frobisher-"

"Don't say that! Don't even mention my mother and Buck in the same sentence. It's too weird, Benny. Too weird."

Fraser smiled indulgently and wiped at the tomato spot on his blue tee shirt. "You find a possible relationship between them as rather unusual?"

"Unusual to say the least," Ray declared as he smacked the knife through the celery much harder than necessary. Bits flew on the floor around him.

"As unusual as, say, our relationship perhaps?" Fraser asked with a mischievous glint in his eye. "I mean," he paused in his work and moved against Ray's back, "our private relationship?" His warm hands danced down Ray's sides, teasing his flesh through the silk shirt.

"Benny," Ray protested, but didn't move away from the Mountie's fondling as his hands drifted lower, "we're talking about my mother here. You know, that sweet Italian woman who keeps you and your wolf in lasagna? The woman who invites you over for a meal every single chance she gets? And that reminds me. If you hadn't brought Buck by the house this discussion wouldn't be necessary."

He planted a light kiss on the back of Ray's ear. The leather belt in Ray's slacks stopped Fraser's fingers from going under the waistband. He tugged its tongue through the fastener and pulled it from the loops and started to let it slip from his fingers.

"Not on the floor, Fraser. That's fine Italian leather and it doesn't need wolf teeth marks on it."

From his prone position beneath the window Dief lifted his head from his paws and shifted an ear in their direction.

"Oh, right, Dief. Like I'm supposed to believe you heard that in your sleep. Your deaf, remember? I mean its my mother, Fraser. She shouldn't be going out on anything remotely resembling a date."

"We date, Ray," Fraser said as his mouth descended on the sensitive juncture of Ray's elegant neck and shoulder.

Ray leaned back, pressing against him. "No we don't. We just go out together. Like any two friends would."

"And then we come back here and make love." Fraser unbuttoned Ray's tailored slacks and pulled down the zipper.

"Benny! Don't bring sex into this. We're talking about--"

"Yes, Ray. We're talking about your mother. And Buck, don't forget." He pulled Ray around and removed the knife from his hand.

"And Buck. How could I forget about Buck? The man's kinda hard to forget about, ain't he, Benny?"

With the knife safely on the counter Fraser began unbuttoning Ray's shirt. He slipped it from his lover's shoulders, momentarily preventing Ray from waving his hands as he continued his verbal tirade. Fraser dutifully kept part of his mind on Ray's every word, acknowledging and nodding when appropriate. A tiny blue vein pulsed just above the dark rosette of Ray's right nipple. Fraser rested his lips ever so lightly there, concentrating until he detected the faint pulse of his lover's heart.

"And then there's the red serge. That's kinda' hard to miss too, Isn't it? I mean, do I want Ma walking down the street next to that? What will the neighbors think? What will my friends think, Benny?"

"I don't know, Ray." Fraser answered serenely. He tugged Ray's pants and underwear down and they fell, crumpled around the cop's ankles.

Ray toed off his own loafers as he undid the snap and zipper on Fraser's jeans. "And then there's the horse thing. He brought a horse with him to Chicago."

"Well, Ray. He is planning to spend a considerable amount of time here.

His next assignment hasn't even been discussed. There's been talk of a retirement, I believe." Fraser knelt after Ray pulled his blue tee shirt off. He paused to kiss Ray's navel. "Lift your leg, Ray."

"Not on the floor, Fraser. I don't need wolf hairs on these-"

"Yes, Ray. You don't need wolf hairs on your Armani trousers. Lift your other leg, please." Then he stood and hung them carefully over a chair back. He placed Ray's shoes, socks and underwear in the chair seat.

"You mean he doesn't have any plans to leave Chicago?" Ray asked in alarm as he leaned his chest against Fraser's back and slid his graceful hands in the top of the man's jeans. No underwear impeded his hands but Fraser's growing erection met his exploring touch.

"Ray, my jeans are becoming uncomforably tight. Let me remove them."

Ray hugged him tighter. "I want to do that." He pushed ineffectively at the fabric, all the while shifting one hand to the back to caress a firm, round buttock. "I was kind'a hopin' he'd be leaving soon. No such luck, huh?"

"No. And apparently for me either. I want to take my jeans off, Ray," Fraser insisted as he pushed them down, bending forward to slip them off his bare feet.

Ray placed a hand in the middle of Fraser's back, keeping Fraser down as he pressed his hard penis in between those round orbs of flesh. "It just isn't right, Benny."

With almost no effort Fraser twisted away from Ray's restraining hold and dragged him to the floor, briefly playing his lips over Ray's. "Isn't right, Ray?" he asked as he tugged his discarded tee shirt under Ray's back to protect him from the bare floor. He rose and spread the detective's knees with his own. During their descent he'd managed to capture a bottle of oil he'd planned on using in the salad. He spread a small portion of it on himself as he listened.

"I mean, riding a horse around in a city park? Does that sound like something a normal person does?"

"I borrowed a horse and rode with Sergeant Frobisher yesterday morning, Ray. It was quite a refreshing activity. The air was crisp," he pushed Ray's legs up, tucking his knees in the hollows just below his own collarbones, "the smell of the vegetation invigorating," he guided his erect penis to the tight, puckered circle of Ray's anus, "and the ornithological opportunities--"

"Ornithol-- Birds, Benny. You mean bird watching. Say bird watching."

"Yes, Ray." Fraser pressed himself forward, feeling a rush of desire to be in his lover now. The frequency of his breathing increased.

"And he watches birds. Thanks for reminding me. Now could you please push a little harder? I'm starting to get a little-- Oh!" Ray's eyes closed as his face relaxed. "Oh, yeah, Benny."

Scooting his knees a little closer to his lover Fraser achieved a stable position and allowed himself to pump gently in and out of Ray's warmth. "Ray," he whispered, I want you to . . ."

"What?" Ray asked languidly. "You want me to what?"

"Here, put your hand on yourself," Fraser directed as he risked his balance briefly to place the detective's right hand at the base of his own hard shaft. "Now squeeze tight, Ray. The way I do it to you."

"Benny, you are so kinky. I love you."

The satisfied smile that spread across those generous lips added fuel to the fire in Fraser's heart. He thrust deep into Ray, quickening his movements as Ray added to the pleasure the Mountie was working hard to give him.

"Go, Benny. Go. Go, man," Ray gasped as he was driven toward climax. "Do it to me. Come on, do it."

"Ahh! Ray!" Now the blood was pounding in Fraser's temples as the demanding need pulled him on, compelling him to drive his throbbing erection into the tight grip of Ray. Ray's words were always so shocking, sometimes more disjointed than others, but always arousing in their rawness as he got close to climax. Fraser forced his eyes to stay open as he watched Ray's long fingers work at his engorged penis. With each thrust Ray's body rose up, his legs pressing into Fraser's chest.

"Yeah, Benny. Yeah." His head rolled from side to side as the ecstasy raged through him.

"Tighter, Ray. Tighter with your fingers," Fraser demanded.

But Ray was lost in waves of sensation as white, heated liquid pumped from his shaft out onto his belly. His sphincter responded with tightening pulses of its own in counterpoint, mercilessly milking Fraser's orgasm from him. Then Fraser stilled hard against Ray as the last of it left his body, the last wave of tensing rolled through him.

"I love you, Ray."

Ray smiled up at his lover's sated eyes. "And then there's the hat, Benny. He always wears that hat, you know."

END

1. How many times is a penis called by any other name?
2. How many times is it referred to without using an actual noun?
3. How many pieces of clothing are removed? (And yes, a pair of shoes counts as two items.)
4. How many times does Fraser say that delectable name, 'Ray'?
5. Is Ray on top or on bottom?
6. Where is Frannie seen without her clothes?
And the big one, the bonus one.  (drum roll please)
7. How many times does OFM get his mouth on OFC?

For the Chicago slangishly challenged:

BUCK:  1. A U. S. one dollar bill. 2. A male deer. 3. As in *the buck stops here*-- to shift responsibility or blame to someone else. 4. A sudden movement by a horse intended to unseat the rider. 5. A Mountie.

CHANGE: 1. Coins. 2. The amount returned when the amount due is less than that tendered to pay a bill. 3. An amount less than a dollar. 4. To make different; alter.