Rating/Warning: G. Also, S for Silliness. Lactose intolerance alert: ice cream is present.
Pairing: *scratches head* none, really... amazing that... *somehow disturbed that this isn't slash*
Disclaimer: No matter how many times I say I don't own them, it doesn't hurt less.
Spoilers: Not a single one.
Summary: A cop, a Mountie, a hot Chicago day, and ice cream. Not as kinky as it sounds.
Notes: Just taking a slight reprieve from "Victims of Love" and wrote this/these that sprang to mind several days ago. It's/they're silly and pointless and I *do* hope you like them.

Feedback is well and truly cherished at caindra@yahoo.com :)

DEATH BY SERGE - July, 2000
by Ashinae

Middle of August.

Middle of a heat wave.

Benton Fraser thought he was going to die.

It was hell. Hell on earth. Or maybe, he was right the first time and this really was hell and that was the end of that.

He could feel the sweat slowly, deliberately, *excruciatingly* dripping down the sides of his face and the back of his neck.

Tundra. Ice. Snow. Cold. Fifty below.

It didn't work.

He honestly thought he was going to collapse. Just drop down dead on the steps in front of the Consulate. Heat stroke, they'd say.

Death by serge, he'd say.

Three minutes to four, the Riv drove up in front of the Consulate...

POSSIBILITY 1:

Ray got out of the car, joyfully eating an ice cream cone, and stepped up to the sweltering Mountie. "Hey, Benny, how's it going?" he asked, running his tongue in an all-too-teasing manner over the ice cream.

*You're evil, Ray!* Benny thought, his eyes darting between the beautiful green eyes twinkling with suppressed mirth, and the... tempting... wonderful... inviting... ohhhh, ice cream... now... must... have... cold... oh GOD!

Ray just stood in front of the Mountie, delighting in the torment he could see in Benny's eyes, slowly eating his ice cream. Sure, it was melting quickly, but he could catch it as it dripped down the sides.

Finally... five... four... three... two... one...

"Ray! What are those children doing to the Riv?" Benny cried, pointing, and as Ray turned around, the Mountie's hand snapped out and grabbed the ice cream cone straight from Ray's grasp.

Ray stared at Benny in shock.

Benny smiled sweetly at Ray then headed towards the Riv, eating the ice cream with glee. Ray continued to give Benny his Most Evil Looks as he drove them away, and once Benny had finished off the last bite, Ray grumbled, "Hope you enjoyed it."

Benny gave him another smile. "Well, Ray, revenge *can* be sweet."

POSSIBILITY 2:

A worn-out Ray, sans jacket and tie, and with his sleeves rolled up and the first few buttons of his shirt undone, approached the sweltering Mountie. He leaned up against the wall by Benny and closed his eyes.

"Oh, God, Benny. I just want this day to *end,*" he complained. "I've been driving around all day. Sometime after eleven, the air conditioning in the Riv *died.* And I was stuck in traffic for the past half hour and I think I'm gonna die. Oh, by the way, there is no *way* I'm letting you and Dief go back to that rat-trap apartment of yours. You're gonna spend the night at my place."

Then he was silent for the next minute, and once Benny's shift was over, he turned to Ray to thank him, but then the most incredible sound was heard nearby.

Green eyes met blue.

No words were spoken.

They both turned and chased after the ice cream truck.

"Stop pushing!"