by Chris Lark cql@hopper.unh.edu
Rated: G
This is how I could picture some episodes going if they were directed by some popular (and unpopular) movie directors; of course I couldn't necessarily see them happening, but I hope everyone enjoys them anyway.
Walt Disney--The Riv develops a mind of its own, and Ray never has to worry about avoiding traffic again; the car does all the work for him, and he never loses a perp in a high-speed. However, a repossessor is eyeing the Riv, so Fraser encourages him and Ray to do a race--if Ray loses, the repo man gets the Riv, and if Ray wins, he keeps the Riv. So they race, with the repo man in a souped-up Camaro. But the Riv has other ideas, and as Fraser and Ray hang on for the ride, the Riv crowds the Camaro off the road and into Lake Michigan. It speeds past the finish line amidst the roaring cheers of the rest of the Chicago P.D.
Ed
Wood--Ray is astonished to show up at Fraser's apartment one morning
to find him wearing a lovely angora sweater. He thinks that perhaps Fraser's
on another undercover assignment, but Fraser assures him that he just
enjoys the feel of angora. Meanwhile, Francesca has been lured to a graveyard,
only to be attacked by a spaceman who looks a lot like Bela Lugosi (only
shorter and not quite the same, wearing a diving helmet). Ray and Fraser
(no longer wearing angora) race to the scene, only to find that Francesca
has been abducted by a pie plate with some flaming kerosene on it. Fraser
quickly puts out the fire, offers Francesca the angora and finds that
the spaceman is indeed Bela Lugosi--only he died during the filming,
so he's actually Huey with a big cape.
(Thanks to my buddy Carol
Cricow for this one.)
Mario Puzo--Ray makes a final confession to Fraser: his real name is Giorgio Clericuzio, and he inherited his house from his father, who was a mob don. Ray further reveals that he became a cop to find out why his father hated them so much. As the years go by, Fraser and Ray often play racquetball together as they discuss Ray's past. Ray finally comes to terms with the fact that he's no longer Giorgio Clericuzio; he's Ray Vecchio now, and he happily retires from the Chicago P.D. at the age of sixty-seven.
Steven Spielberg--An extension of "Starman". While tracking with Diefenbaker way out in the sticks, Fraser happens upon a little alien spaceship containing an extraterrestrial. He takes the alien back to his apartment, keeping it a secret; Diefenbaker becomes madly jealous of the M&Ms that Fraser feeds to the alien. Soon Ray comes along, looking for a scarf that he left at Fraser's place. Fraser, who has been showing the alien how to make a bed, quickly hides him in the closet; unfortunately, that's the first place Ray looks. However, in one of his myriad acts of compassion, Ray swears to secrecy. But then Francesca shows up, and her screams alert the whole neighbourhood, bringing the government upon Fraser's apartment. The government has just finished assimilating the apartment when Ian MacDonald arrives in the spaceship, beams the alien up, and flies off with him into outer space to find his people.
Otto Preminger--Fraser and Ray are vacationing in British Columbia when North Korean terrorists attack Vancouver. After Fraser recuperates from a broken arm, he and Ray spend a few months behind their desks before they finally get out to pinch some Korean territory. As "Henry Martin" plays in the background, the RCMP sea force gets creamed by Korean ships, but Fraser and Ray successfully turn back any more advances against Canada.
Nicholas Meyer--Fraser, Ray, Kowalski, Huey, Dewey, Welsh, and Elaine, now getting ready to retire from the force, take one last mission together, escorting a Mexican diplomat to Chicago. An aged and deranged Victoria returns to get final revenge on Fraser, and does so by murdering the diplomat and framing him. Ray and Kowalski clear Fraser, and after a high-tension boat chase on foggy Lake Michigan, the gang puts Victoria away for good.
Robert Zemeckis--In later years, Fraser has been posted to Dawson, so Ray and Kowalski go to pay a visit. They spend five hours at the bus stop telling each other about their past experiences with him. A bus passenger gives them directions, and they bolt, having the happiest reunion in Due South history.
George Lucas--Francesca is kidnapped by Frank Zuko, and Fraser and Ray crash in to rescue her, almost getting run over by a garbage truck in the process. Welsh makes a plan to take Zuko down once and for all, and although the cops wreck the hideout, Zuko remains at large. He gives Kowalski a pair of cement overshoes and dumps him in the sewer, and after a gunfight with Ray, tells him that he's his brother. When he shoots Ray's gun out of his hand, Ray has to escape into the sewer, where he rescues Kowalski at the cost of Kowalski's favourite pair of boots. Fraser leads an attack on Zuko's new hideout while Ray and Kowalski do away with the backup, and Zuko is gravely wounded in the cops-and-robbers gunfight. With his dying breath, he tells Ray that he spent a few months in the police academy before being dropped. Ray is not amused to hear this, and even less amused to find that he was once in love with his own sister.