Rated NC-17 for graphic m/m content.

Disclaimer: Not mine, Alliance owns 'em, more's the pity.

Comments can be made to jeanniemarie@sprintmail.com.

(c) December 28, 1998

Ingredients:

1 lb. crown squash

1 lb. carrots

2 large cucumbers

Dash of oregano

1 sprig of parsley

Plums

Peaches

Nuts

1 naked Mountie

Fill a bowl (tub) with clear broth (water). Finely chop carrots, crown squash, and cucumbers and add to bowl. Immerse 1 blue-eyed, brown-haired, naked Mountie until lower half is completely covered with broth. Addition of this ingredient will instantly add plums, nuts, and peaches to mix. Add a sprig of parsley to brown hair. Stir well.

Let simmer until meat is a tender, succulent pink. If a tinge of redness is desired, place hand between naked Mountie's legs and squeeze/unsqueeze plums.

For additional juices, continue manipulating plums. May get as hard as nuts. Squeeze until cream of Mountie is added.

Add dash of oregano as seasoning, rubbing slowly into meat to tenderize. Slide hand under both and check on firmness of peaches. Should be lightly fuzzy with rosy glow.

This is a dish best served hot, but if it grows cold, the cook will have plenty of ideas up his Armani sleeve to warm up the main ingredient again!

Serves one, though can be stretched/spread to accomodate more. However, it is recommended that the cook for this recipe be an Italian-American Chicago Cop.

Note: substitution of a blond, blue-eyed Mountie will work also, and the cook should again be a Chicago Cop, though Polish-American this time.

Also, the female version of this recipe will add a few new ingredients to the mix while lacking a few others, but for the adventurous, it's recommended. Cooks should preferably be Italian-American and/or African-American Civilian Aides.

Excerpt from (c) 1999 *Hey! There's A Naked Mountie In My Soup! And Other Recipes From The Garden Of Delights Cookbook* by Jeannie Marie. Full publication will be at http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/8741/jmgarden.htm in 1999.