All comments, criticism and any feedback at all are welcome at: tuktoyaktuk@hotmail.com
by Hsu-Lyn Yap
"Well, you did say you wanted something different."
"Yeah? I never meant it to be *this* different!"
"You said you were getting tired of the same routine everytime."
"But this is taking it a little bit far, ok? Even by my standards!"
"You aren't enjoying this, are you, Ray?"
"Of course I'm enjoying myself. What do you think? I just *love* traipsing around snow-covered woods in sub-zero temperatures, running after a deaf wolf who has lost the concept of hunting! What makes you think I'm not enjoying this?"
"You said..."
"I know what I said, Benny, and I'm regretting saying it already. I know I said I wanted to see what you did on your days off, and I know I said that I was bored with just sitting in front of the TV the whole day. I'm being punished for my sins. And if you remind me of what I said one more time, I'm not going to be responsible for the consequences! Murders have been committed for less."
"Have you seen Dief, Ray?"
"No. He's your wolf. You call him. Oh, I forgot. He's deaf."
"Ah! There are his prints. He's headed that way."
**Ah, that smell. Now, that's familiar. I must check this one out**
"Wanna know what'll make him come running, Fraser?"
"The scent of a caribou?"
"Not even close! Where on earth are you going to find a caribou in Chicago?!"
"He rather likes rabbits as well."
"Well, I wasn't exactly thinking of that. I'm thinking something round, sweet and *inanimate*."
"Inanimate?"
"Yeah. A jelly donut. I bet that sensitive sense of smell will be able to track one through hell and high water! I don't think he's fussy though. A chocolate donut will do just fine, as well! He likes those with sprinkles on top. "
"You spoil him, Ray."
"*I* spoil him? He spoils himself, more likely. I turn my back and my breakfast vanishes before I have a chance to blink!"
"Jelly donuts are not common in the Northwest Territories, and it does not form a part of a wolf's diet."
"Well, tell that to your wolf."
"I would, if he would listen to me. He's getting more and more stubborn every day. I can't talk to him anymore. He just pretends not to hear me, or pretends he's asleep."
"Teenage rebellion."
"What?"
"Teenage rebellion. Face it, Benny. Your pet wolf's growing up."
"But he's already grown up. Wolves do not mature like humans do. They reach adulthood faster. In fact......."
"I was kidding, Benny."
"Oh..."
** Now, there's the object I'm looking for. It doesn't look like it's going anywhere. Now, what am I supposed to do again? Pause...approach slowly and carefully... slink if I have to. Observe. Make sure I'm downwind. Can't have it catching my scent. Careful. No noise now. Quiet ..**
"So, what do you think he's tracking today?"
"I can't imagine. He caught a rabbit the other day, which was quite an achievement."
"The great caribou hunter caught a rabbit, and that is an achievement?"
"Well, as you so rightly pointed out, Ray, there are no caribou in Chicago."
"I'm sorry I asked!"
"What else has he tracked so far?"
"Well, he found a den of foxes once..."
"In Chicago? Wow!"
"...and there was that otter that had escaped from the zoo..."
"It wasn't dead, was it?"
"No. Dief has strict orders not to kill anything he finds."
"Nevermind. Just don't let me get my hands on a dead one."
"What was that, Ray?"
"Nothing."
"There was an escaped chihuahua once. Dief kind-of took a liking to it before I found its owner."
"With or without ketchup?"
"The owner?"
"No, the chihuahua and Dief. Did he like it with or without ketchup."
"It's not funny, Ray."
"Yeah? I sure thought it was!"
"He liked the company, I think."
"Dief and a Chihuahua. David and Goliath. What a sight it must have been."
"I haven't had the time to take him out on his tracking exercises for some time. I hope he doesn't revert to his habit of tracking food."
"I thought you said he isn't supposed to kill the thing he's tracking."
"He isn't. I meant food. Junk food to be precise. He used to be able to nose out Mars bars, bags of chips and chocolate from the unlikeliest places. I don't even want to know where some of them have been!"
"Like master, like pet."
"Did you say something, Ray?"
"Forget it. I'll just waste my breath explaining it to you, and you'll just look at me blankly, and say you don't understand what I mean, when I know perfectly well that you do."
"You make no sense, Ray."
"There, you just did it."
"It took me some time to cure him of that habit."
"You make no sense, Benny!"
"I meant the habit of tracking junk food."
"Do you always have an answer for everything?!"
"Looks like he's found something there."
**I have it cornered. It's not looking my way. Careful now. Going in for the kill! Right, lay low...one, two...pounce!**
"DIEFENBAKER!!"
**Damn! He caught up with me! I thought I lost him! Should have brushed out my prints. There goes my prey. **
"Oh, Dief. I thought you had given up tracking McDonald's Happy meals!"
"No, don't take that tone with me! What am I going to do with you?
I should have shipped you back to the Yukon. City life is making you
soft. You have lost your tracking skills...."
"Hey! Lay off him, Benny. He's just learning to adjust to city life."
"It does not mean going soft, and losing his skills, Ray."
"He hasn't lost his skills. Anyone or anything that can track a 2
day old Happy meal can't be all that bad!"
"You aren't off the hook, yet, Diefenbaker. And there is no use making
a deal with Ray. "Try 'tuktusiuriagatigitqingnapinngitkyptinnga'."
"But you've never been caribou-hunting with me or.....what did you
say, Ray?"
"I'm not going through that again! It's Inuit."
"Yes, Ray. I speak it. But do you know what you are saying?"
"'You'll never come caribou hunting with me again'. You said, what
else can I say? So, I told you."
"But...but how did you...."
"Frannie."
"Frannie speaks Inuit?"
"Of course not, Benny! She's got this idea in her head that she's
going to Canada for her next holiday, and bought this guide book on the
place. You know the sort that tells you where to go, what to see, how
much things cost, and then, rips you off by making the book so expensive
to start with? That one." "I was flipping through it, and there was
this bit of trivia about the longest Inuit word meaning 'you'll never
come caribou hunting with me again'. It was so strange, it sort of stuck
in my mind. I thought it might come in handy one day when you started
pushing me over the edge."
"You memorised that?"
"Well I ....it came in handy, didn't it?"
"You memorised an Inuit word so you could use it on me."
"It was interesting, ok?! I don't intend to make a habit of it, mind
you!" "I appreciate it, Ray."
"You make no sense, Benny!"
"Are you all right, Ray? You look a little flushed."
"Yeah, yeah. I'm ok. It's just...I'm ok. Look, I'm going back now.
Are you guys done here?"
"I should think so. It looks like I'll have to keep a closer eye on
Dief from now."
"Well, Ma would like you to come for dinner. Bring Dief. Nothing you
can do to him would be as effective as a couple of hours with Maria's
kids." "You brought it on yourself, Dief. And Ray is right. The only thing
left to say to you is: Tuktusiuriagatigitqingnapinngitkyptinnga."
THE END
Hsu-Lyn Yap (copyright 1997
11 January 1997
tuktoyaktuk@hotmail.com
----------------------------
NB: 'Tuktusiuriagatigitqingnapinngitkyptinnga' does apparently mean
'You'll never come caribou-hunting with me again' in Inuit. I got it
from some trivia in a travel guide book of Canada, as indicated. Any
errors are purely unintentional. YHL