When Elaine came back from lunch, it was to find her desk occupied... She paused for a moment to admire the view. It was Ray and Fraser of course, they were always together. Fraser was sitting in front of her computer, fingers a blur as he did something under Ray's instruction. Ray was bending over him, their faces close together and his hand rested familiarly on Fraser's shoulder. She sighed. They were such a cute couple.
A moment later they were off across the room, heading for the hallway. She knew what THAT meant. She gave them ten minutes and then went after them.
They blinked in the sudden light as she opened the door.
"Do you mind, Elaine? We're trying to get some privacy here." Ray's temper certainly hadn't improved any lately... not like it usually did when he was in love.
"It's OK, guys. You really don't have to hide in here... we all know. I think it's great. You make such a cute couple."
"Why, thank you kindly Elaine." Fraser smiled politely, then a small frown appeared between his brows.
Ray was staring at her with his mouth open. "What the hell do you mean?"
"You and Fraser getting together. Its so sweet."
"Who us? You're crazy! Me and Benny? You're out of your mind!"
"Sure, boys. So why do you spend so much time in here?" Elaine grinned triumphantly at their stunned expressions and closed the door again. They'd have to come out of the closet sometime....
*
"I don't know where she gets off thinking something like that about US! I mean, no disrespect Benny, you're a really good-looking guy and all that, but I'm just not like that... you're not, are you?"
Ben looked startled. "Of course not Ray!"
"Yeah, exactly! So where the hell did she get that idea from?" Ray looked resentfully across at Elaine. She smiled and waggled her fingers at them.
"I shouldn't worry about it, Ray. I'm sure nobody else thinks we're... well, you know."
Ray looked horrified. "They wouldn't! They couldn't... could they?"
"Well, actually Ray, until today I wouldn't have thought Elaine would think that either..."
"Oh my God."
They sat in silence. Ray noticed they were leaning a bit close to each other and pulled back.
"So, what do we do, Benny?"
"Well, we could make discreet enquiries, Ray"
"Like what?"
"Um, how about... has anyone noticed anything of an intimate nature between Det. Vecchio and myself? Or... do you think that Det Vecchio and I are lovers? How about.. hands up anyone who thinks Det Vecchio and I are sleeping together. What do you think, Ray?"
"I think you better let me handle this. I'll talk to Huey, he's a pretty laid back kind of a guy. He won't freak out."
They went over to Huey's desk. He looked up at them enquiringly.
"Hey, Huey..." Ray's voice trailed off. He couldn't bring himself to ask.
Ben jumped in instead... "Hello Jack. How are you today?"
Huey's "I'm fine thanks, Fraser" clashed with Ray's muttered "Get on with it."
"Ah... Jack, it's come to our attention that... well, let me put it another way." Ben paused, then struggled on. "Elaine seems to be under the impression that... oh dear... Ray?"
Ray shoved him aside. "Do you think Frasier and me are lovers?"
Huey's eyes narrowed. "You mean you're not?"
"You think we ARE?" Heads were raised all round the room. Ray sent out an all encompassing glare and they were all lowered again.
"I've got twenty bucks riding on this with Carter down in Vice. Damn!"
"Carter thinks we're llll... doing that?" Ben was stunned.
"Yep, and he thinks I've won. You won't tell him will you?" Huey was thinking fast. The bet wasn't over till the end of the week, he wondered if he still might have a chance.
Ray was leaning his hands on the desk shaking his head. "I don't believe this..." He straightened. "All right! Hands up anyone who thinks me and the Mountie are sleeping together."
*
Ten minutes later, sitting in the Riv, Ben's face was still brighter than his uniform.
"It was your idea, Benny."
"I still don't think you should have done it quite like that... I can't believe they ALL put their hands up..."
"Didn't that new Civilian Aid, what's her name..."
"Rosie... and she did put her hand up."
"She's only been here a week!"
"I know." Ben sighed. It had all been terribly embarrassing... especially the interview in Lt Welsh's office...
*
He'd told them to sit. They'd had no intention of doing that, they'd wanted to be able to make a quick getaway... after that fiasco in the Bull Pen... Welsh had sighed. He seemed to do that a lot around them...
"I've been meaning to talk to you two about this..."
They had looked at each other apprehensively. Ben had decided to let Ray do all the talking, it could hardly get any worse... and Welsh was HIS superior officer after all.
"... now, I'm not interested in what you do outside of office hours, but while you're at work, Vecchio, kindly keep your private life private."
Ray had managed to find his voice. "Sir, you don't think..."
"Of course I don't think, Vecchio. Do you know they're running a sweepstakes on how many times a week you go sit in that closet?"
"They are?" He'd looked at Ben, who'd had no idea what the closet had to do with anything...
"They are. And perhaps you could stop pawing each other in the Bull Pen? That would help, I think."
Ray had been speechless. Ben had taken over then... "Do we... paw each other, Sir?"
"All the time."
"Oh, dear..."
"We won't do it again, Sir." Ray had grabbed Ben by the arm and dragged him to the door, then realised what he'd done. He'd dropped Ben's arm as though it had been red hot.
*
"It could be worse, Ray..."
"How? Everybody at the Precinct thinks we're, you know... doing THAT..."
"Well, there's your family... they won't think that, will they?"
Ray looked at him in horror. "God, I hope not. Nah, they wouldn't. We're Catholics, for God's sake, they'd NEVER think that..."
"And there's the Consulate. I'm sure they'd never..." Ben noticed Ray looking at him strangely. "What, Ray?"
"How do you know?"
"Well, I just do, Ray."
"But how, Benny? I mean, did you know the guys here would think...?"
"Of course not, Ray."
"Well then, there's only one way to find out." Ray started the engine.
"I don't think that's a good idea, Ray."
"And why not? Am I going to be the only one humiliated at work today?"
"No, Ray... It's just that... well, it's no use asking Turnbull..."
"Yeah, well, no argument there, Benny."
"And Ovitz is away in Ottawa, so that really only leaves..."
"The Dragon Lady... Well, it's been nice knowin' ya, Benny... and I DON'T mean that in the Biblical sense."
"Of course not Ray..."
*
Meg Thatcher looked up at a knock on her door. "Come in."
There was a long pause, while muffled noises drifted in. Then the door opened and Fraser entered rather abruptly, almost as if he'd been pushed, and the door slammed behind him. He didn't come any further into the office, though... just stood there, his face the same colour as his uniform, holding tightly onto his Stetson as though it were a talisman of some kind. Meg sighed, it looked like it was going to be one of those days when Fraser behaved a lot like Turnbull...
"Come over here, Fraser... what did you want to see me about?"
Fraser shifted uneasily. "Well, Sir... it's, um, a personal matter... at least... well it's not exactly... um..." He took a deep breath. "Have you ever noticed... oh dear..."
"Get to the point Constable."
"It's about Det Vecchio..."
"Oh! Well, I've been meaning to talk to you about that..." Meg opened a drawer and rummaged around in it until she found the form she needed. "It's very... ah... wise to put this on a formal footing. Especially since you don't have any next of kin. And, of course there are benefits and... and pensions, things like that, involved."
Damn, now she was starting to get flustered, it must be catching. She thrust the papers at him and he came just close enough to take it from her hand. When he looked at them his coloured deepened several shades. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times without a sound coming out, then he fled without waiting to be dismissed.
*
Ben refused to say anything until they reached the refuge of the Riv.
"I'm guessing it didn't go too well, huh?"
"No, Ray." Ben shoved the papers at him.
"She thinks I'm your SPOUSE?"
"Yes, Ray."
"Hey, these benefits are pretty good! Maybe we should..." Ray caught Ben's glare. "All right, I was joking, OK?"
They sat in silence for a while.
"OK, Benny. Everyone we work with thinks we're gay... now what?"
"Well, there must be somebody who doesn't, Ray. We'll just have to..."
"What? Ask everyone? Maybe one of the cleaners? Look, how about you ask the people at your apartment building?"
"I'd rather not, Ray. This is all very embarrassing."
Ray sighed. "I'll ask my family if you'll ask the low-lives in you apartment building. And believe me, you're getting the easy part."
"All right, Ray. It's a deal."
*
"You know, son, I don't know why you're so upset about this." Ben's father was being very patient. But then ghosts probably were... they were also very... irritating... at times.
"Don't tell me you thought..."
"No, of course not. I know what's going on in your life, even if you don't see me all the time."
"Well, that's a relief."
"You could do worse for yourself, you know. Take that woman, for example..."
"Dad, you WANT me to... uh, do that... with Ray?"
"Why not, if you're in love with him?"
"I . Am. Not. In. Love. With. Ray." Ben managed to get it out between gritted teeth. Dief, who'd been ignoring the exchange suddenly lifted his head and looked interested.
"Of course not." His father grinned. "I've discussed it with your mother, you know... she thinks Ray's the perfect match for you."
"He's a MAN!"
"Oh, if you're going to be old fashioned about it..." His father disappeared, much to Ben's relief.
*
Next morning, Ben could see from Ray's face that things had not gone well at home. He didn't feel up to discussing his father's ghost's opinion, so he started to tell him what had happened with his part of the deal, but Ray interrupted his rambling account.
"Let's cut to the chase... Mr Mustafi thinks we're doing it, doesn't he?"
"Well, it's worse than that, Ray... Apparently, they all discussed it one night when they were having a pot-luck dinner. Which, by the way, is very encouraging... they never used to..."
"Great. So you get them talking to each other, and all they can do is discuss our sex life. Not that we have one... together, I mean... oh hell. I assume they all thought..."
"Yes, Ray."
Ray groaned and started banging his head against the steering wheel.
"It's quite unreasonable, you know Ray. I know we spend quite a bit of time together, but..."
"We spend ALL our spare time together, Benny..."
"Is that what your family said? Were they upset?"
"Oh, no. They were delighted... Ma said she'd talked to Fr Behan about it and he'd told her the Church was much more accepting these days... he even told her which parishes cater for gay couples..."
"Oh."
"Maria said she was very happy for us and Tony said he didn't care as long as you didn't make a pass at him."
"Eeuw!" Ben had never used that particular word before, but it was the only one appropriate to the situation.
"Yeah. That's what I thought."
"The kids all want to know if you're their uncle now..."
"Aren't they a little young...?"
"You'd be surprised what they teach 'em in sex education these days..."
"Obviously."
"And Frannie..." Ray paused when Ben flinched nervously. "...Frannie said she'd suspected for months and that's why she'd stopped chasing you, but if I didn't want you she'd have another try."
Ben shuddered at the thought. He'd had nightmares for months after she'd gatecrashed his apartment that night. Maybe he should reconsider his position on this whole thing...
Ray caught his speculative look. "What!?"
"Oh, nothing.... so there's nobody in the whole of Chicago who knows us and believes we're not..."
"Doesn't look like it."
A whine from the back seat caught their attention. They both turned to look at Dief.
"Benny, I know I'm going to hate myself for asking, but..."
"He won't discuss it with me, Ray. I've tried, but I can't get him to open up."
They started to turn back and paused, facing each other. Their lips were no more than a few inches apart. Gray-green eyes meshed with blue for a long moment.
"Nah..." They both spoke at the same time. Then they faced forward. Ray started the engine.
"I take it you're standing guard duty today, Benny? Ya know, red suits you..."
*
Dief was watching in disgust from the back seat. It had been an interesting twenty-four hours, but nothing had come of it... How dense could these guys be? In Dief's opinion if something looked like a rabbit, smelled like a rabbit and ran like a rabbit, then it probably WAS a rabbit.
But they were NEVER going to figure it out... never.