Author's notes: Still for Sarah

When I reach the apartment he's already home. I can hear the music before I get to the door. 'Up' music; 'happy' music. I love him so much, but especially when he's like this; it's as if somebody switched on a light and there are no shadows anymore.

I open the door and find myself nose to nose with him. He jumps back, a little startled, then smiles sheepishly.

"What were you doing?" I ask him. He shakes his head and points towards the stereo. I make 'turn it down' signs and he nods enthusiastically. And leaves the music at the same volume. I close the door and turn the music down, then repeat my question.

"Oh, nothing," he says. "I was ... er ...." He tails off and shrugs his shoulders.

"What?" I say. He can't expect me to leave it now.

"I'd seen you walking up the street and I was just comin' to meet you," he says. I've never heard anything more unlikely in my life, but I choose to ignore it. He was probably just wandering around the apartment dazed by the noise.

I take off my Stetson and place it on the table by the door, then turn back to find myself once more nose to nose. He grabs me in a bear hug and licks my neck before burying his face against the shoulder of my serge. "Missed you," he said.

"Ray, it's only been a few hours," I protest, but I can already feel my body reacting to his presence. He's impossible to resist when he's like this.

"Don't care," he said. "I'm not allowed to miss my man when he's not around?" He turns his head so that I can feel his warm breath on my neck. "Anyway, been waiting for you to come home and punish me."

"Punish...?" Then I remember that I had threatened him when he had been on his knees in front of me earlier on. "Oh."

I put my hands in his hair, pulling softly so that he lifts his head. Our eyes meet; his already dilating, his breathing starting to speed up.

"You make me so fucking horny," he whispers, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. "I only got to look at you, see you in the street and all I want is to fuck you, real hard, real good." He puts a hand up, stroking his index finger across my lip. "Tell me what you want to do to me."

I pull his hand away, kissing the palm then holding it tight.

"I want to do everything," I say. "I love you like this; wild and needy."

He leans back in and kisses me, tongue deep in my mouth, licking along my teeth and the roof of my mouth. I hear myself groan and I put my arms around him, holding him tightly.

"Come on," he says, pulling his head away. "Please, come on."

"What about food?" I say, trying to hang on to some kind of sanity.

"Not hungry for food," he says. "And you can go for weeks at a time on a sip of water. Or something like that." He steps back, taking my hand and beginning to pull me towards the bedroom. "Please," he says. He's practically wriggling in his excitement and once again I'm pulled along by his open need. He's never been frightened of showing his feelings and to have all that desire and lust aimed just at me is almost overwhelming.

I let him lead me into the bedroom, but then I take over. It is, after all, supposed to be a punishment.

Pushing him onto the bed I begin to unfasten my tunic. He reaches up to help but I push his hands away, shaking my head. He just misses a pout.

I take off the tunic and place it in the closet, brushing imaginary specks of lint and dust from it, and I almost laugh when I hear a very Dief-like growl coming from the bed. I turn and smile brightly at him, then sit on the end of the bed and slowly unlace my boots, removing each one and standing them neatly against the wall.

Thoroughly enjoying my impromptu striptease, I then slide my suspenders off my shoulders and put a hand on the waistband of my pants. I look up at him. He's sitting on the very edge of the bed, hands fisted, eyes huge. He is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen and it takes every ounce of self- restraint I have to not cross the space between us and take what I want from him. He'd give me it; he'd give me his heart on a plate if I asked him for it.

"Fraser..." he says from his soul, and I give up. Walking quickly towards him I kneel at his feet, pushing his legs apart so that I fit between them. I put my hands around his waist and reach up to kiss him, very softly on his neck, running my tongue up towards his ear, making him squirm in my grasp.

"Take your clothes off, Ray," I whisper into his ear before pulling back a little. Eyes still fixed on mine, he pulls his t-shirt off, then unfastens his jeans, lying back on the bed to kick them off. The whole thing takes him something like 0.6 seconds. He's erect, waiting for me and as he sits up again he wraps his legs around me, holding me close against his body. He runs his hands through my hair and kisses me again and again, light butterfly kisses which arouse me further. I slip one hand between his legs and stroke his erection and he groans into my mouth, pushing up with his hips.

I pull back and push him onto the bed, unwrapping his legs from around me so that I can stand up. I lean over him, deliberately sliding over as much of his exposed flesh as possible so that I can reach over the side of the bed where he threw his jeans. I pick up his handcuffs and kiss him then stroke the cuffs slowly down his arm and onto his chest, the cold of the metal making him arch up into the touch.

He mutters something, stroking his hand down my arm, following the trail of his fingers with his tongue. I don't know where he learned that, but it's an erogenous zone I was totally unaware of before my life collided with his.

"What?" I say somewhat breathlessly.

"Please," he says again. He reaches up and takes the cuffs from my hands.

"You do it," I say to him, kneeling back from him and taking the opportunity to shed the remainder of my clothes.

With a simple looking twist of his hands, Ray fastens the cuffs around one wrist, then he looks at me. I obey the plea in his eyes and lean over him, fastening the other one so that he is trapped on the bed, completely helpless. He wraps his legs around me again moving against me, moaning in his throat, and I almost stay and let him do what he wants. But this is a punishment. So I pull away.

"I could leave you here now Ray," I say. "You can't get free, you can't do anything without my permission. Shall I leave you?" I climb off the bed and stand looking down at him.

He lies very still just looking at me, then he says with calm and utter certainty,

"You couldn't walk away from me."

He's right. Of course. I never could. I never will.

Instead I sit at the end of the bed and pull his feet onto my lap and begin to massage them. He has very sensitive feet and he automatically tries to pull them away from me, kicking out at me, but I hang on until he's worn himself out with laughing and struggling, then very carefully I start sucking on his toes, one at a time. He pulls against the cuffs, his whole body shaking, but not ready to give in and beg me for release. We have only just started our game.

I run my tongue up the high arch of his foot and begin to work my way up past his ankle and his calf, nipping at the back of his knee when I get there. He makes a sound best described as a squeak, although he would deny it.

"Sweet Jesus Fraser!" he says. "Fucking... don't, okay? You're killing me here."

"Don't what, Ray?" I ask, sitting back on my heels again. "You don't want me to do this?"

He glares at me, tousled and aroused.

"You ... bastard," he says. "You know very well that if you stop I will find you and kill you. Just don't ...* loiter * okay?"

I nod sagely at him then lean down and bite the inside of his thigh. He jerks his leg away and wraps it around the back of my neck, holding me close. With a bit of wriggling he manages to get his dick on a level with my eyes.

"A very agreeable sight," I say placidly, "But I'm not really in the optimum position to do anything am I?"

"You're a damn sight more optimum than me," he growls, moving his hips in frustration.

I give a long suffering sigh and kiss his erection, and he gasps and bucks, so close to orgasm that even the slightest touch will set him off. He relaxes his hold on me and spreads his legs wide. He looks like a harlot, wild and dangerous, but as I put my hand on his stomach I look at his face and he winks at me, just like he did earlier, and I smile back at him.

I lie full length on him, back in the cradle of his legs and we kiss for a long time, gentle exploratory kisses, passion briefly held at bay. I can't believe I thought I could live without this, without the friendship and love that this man has brought me.

With a final kiss, he pulls away and leans his head back exposing that beautiful neck of his. I take the hint and lick my way all down the long tendon at the side of his throat. He tilts his head back even further if that is possible, and arches his back off the bed, pulling down on the cuffs again. He loves to touch, does Ray, and it frustrates him beyond measure when he is restrained like this.

I bite my way down his stomach, gentle nibbles, no more. He has started to moan almost constantly now, mainly under his breath, but sometimes his voice catches in a break as he says a name. My name.

With a suddenness which surprises him I take him in my mouth and the cry he makes is more animal than human. Then he starts to pull away rather than move with me. I immediately release him.

"Ray? What is it, what's the matter?"

"No, nothing," he says breathlessly. "Oh god Fraser, nothing. But I want you so bad... I want you to fuck me through this wall. I wanna watch you come..."

Oh god, what did I do to deserve this man?

I pull away from him and just watch him for a moment. He lies there, eyes half closed, hips moving almost without thought. So needy, so desperate. Needy for me. Desperate for me.

"Do you want me to ... ?" I gesture at the cuffs and he shakes his head, so I leave them on.

Opening the drawer in the nightstand I quickly find what I need and prepare myself. We are long past the formalities stage so with minimum effort I enter his body. He does cry out at that, hands pulling against the cuffs. He's going to be marked when I release him, but he says that he doesn't mind when that happens.

"Don't move," he whispers. "Just for a second, don't move, 'kay?"

"Whatever you want Ray," I whisper back, and he smiles.

"You're supposed to be punishing me, remember?" he says.

"Oh sorry, I forgot," I say and begin moving.

"Oh fuck! God Fraser, no!" But he's moving with me, urging me harder and deeper and I can do nothing but comply. It's where I want to be anyway.

He moves his hands again and this time he's actually holding onto the bedhead so that he can get a harder rhythm going with me; we've learned by our mistakes, and if he doesn't hold on at this point he's liable to smack his head against the top of the bed.

He comes first, his head going back and showing me that beautiful line of neck into shoulder. His eyes close and he cries out, to God, to me, to anybody. A sight like that means I can't hold myself back for long and I follow him down into orgasm.

I collapse on top of him and feel his legs slide from my shoulders. I can feel his pulse pounding just under his skin and the blood rushing through him. He's so alive, so vital.

"God, Fraser," he says at last, a little roughly. "That was sensational, really fucking sensational."

"I aim to please Ray," I say softly.

"You do," he says, doing his best to snuggle. "Ow!"

"What?" I'm heading rapidly for sleep and not really functioning.

"The cuffs, Frase," he says. With great effort I pull myself off his body and find the keys, releasing him.

He winces slightly as he lowers his arms, but I think that's more from stiff muscles than any pain the cuffs inflicted. Idly he studies his wrists, then lifts the right one to his mouth and licks a small dribble of blood off it. I hear the noise I make and so does he. He looks up and grins, tongue still licking his wrist.

I take hold of his hand and pull it so that I can lick the blood in my turn, revelling in the coppery taste.

"Long sleeved shirt tomorrow Frase," he says.

"Suitable punishment then," I say, settling my head back down on his chest.

Ray idly brushes his fingers through my hair as we lie silent for a few minutes. I think he's falling asleep when he suddenly says,

"Frase?"

"Hmmm?"

"I'm glad you're here."

"So am I, Ray. So am I."

I feel the softest of kisses on the top of my head, and a few minutes later he really is asleep. But I stay awake, just enjoying being where I belong.

The End