Notes: For Amy B, who always does a wonderful job when she betas. Thanks, Amy!

Comments or criticism welcome at lojojan@att.net

My website: http://home.att.net/~lojojan

Want

By: Lori J

He wants it.

Wants it so bad.

Wants Fraser to let down that cool, blue Mountie faade and fuck him. And he doesn't want a polite, loving fuck. He wants it hard and fast and he wants it to hurt.

He wants Fraser to take him. Take him and hold him down and almost-rape him. Wants to struggle against Fraser's body as it holds him down and he wants Fraser to laugh at him when it doesn't work.

God, he just wants.

Wants Fraser to force him to his knees and wants to be ordered to suck Fraser off. And oh, how good would it feel to have Fraser's fingers twined in his hair? Would it feel as good as Fraser using those hands that can be so gentle to hold his head steady and fuck his face? To be on his knees, Fraser's cock down his throat. Hot and hard and impossibly big. The smell of Fraser every time his nose is forced into the hair curling around Fraser's cock. And after a while, the soreness of his mouth and throat because Fraser can last forever, it seems like.

He wants that.

Wants Fraser to yell his name and spurt down his throat. He wants to feel Fraser's come hitting the back of his throat and sliding down as he swallows obediently. Wants to feel it warm his esophagus as it traces a path to into his stomach. Wants Fraser to pull out of his mouth and stare down at him with glittering eyes.

And when he orders Ray to crawl into the bedroom he'll do it.

He'll do it because he needs to feel something again. Needs to feel because Stella stomped on his heart. Broke it. Shattered it into a million pieces and left it lying in the dust.

He wants Fraser to make him *feel* again. And if he has to give up the polite and courteous Mountie he thinks of as his friend... Well, it's better than being numb for the rest of his life.

He wants Fraser to ravage him. Wants to let Fraser tear his clothes off and push him onto the bed. Wants to let his body sprawl all over the bed, open and naked to Fraser's hungry eyes.

And then Fraser will take his uniform off slowly. Making sure Ray knows he's going to be fucked and that it's going to be on Fraser's terms, Fraser's conditions.

And Ray will let him He'll watch as inch by inch of soft white skin is revealed and maybe he'll even get hard. It's been so long and he doesn't care if Fraser never gets him off. At least Fraser will be doing something to make him *feel*.

He wants to wait in breathless anticipation as the last of Fraser's clothes come off. Savor the moment's fear that spikes hard through his body as Fraser advances on the bed. Towers over Ray as he lies there silently.

And Fraser will do it to him slow. Make him *beg* for it. Because Fraser knows how much Ray needs to feel again. Fraser knows and accepts this.

Hard hands will roam all over his body. They'll pinch and squeeze and leave bruises that will be visible for days. Finger shaped bruises on his upper arms and hips. Elegant and beautiful in contrast to Ray's skin. Later, he'll smile when the bruises cause him discomfort.

Smile because he's *feeling* again.

And he wants to feel so badly.

He wants Fraser to mark him, claim him, own him. Anything to belong to someone again. To be needed. Wanted. Even if he has to play dirty to make it happen.

He wants Fraser to leave marks all over his body. Wants Fraser to 'stake his claim'. He'll bare his throat to Fraser in submission and shiver when Fraser growls and bites down on his neck.

And when he feels those blunt fingers pushing inside of him? He'll close his eyes and just *feel*. He'll feel himself being opened, widened to make way for Fraser's cock. Fraser won't open him all the way though, because Fraser knows that Ray doesn't want that.

He'll gasp when Fraser's cock nudges at him. And he'll let that gasp turn into a half-scream as Fraser bullies his way in. Pushes and thrusts and spreads Ray's legs wider, all the while whispering in Ray's ear.

Whispering that he knows Ray wants this. Fraser knows so Ray should just stop fighting and let him in.

And Ray will do as he says. He'll relax and burn. He'll burn as Fraser's cock shoves it's way inside him. Push, push, push, and in.

And it still burns and it's what he wants.

He wants Fraser to pound into him. Wants to hear flesh slapping against flesh. Wants to hear Fraser's grunts and moans as the bed shakes with the force of his thrusts. And Ray will shake, too. He'll shake and shudder and know with certainty that walking will be a problem tomorrow. He knows that he'll call in sick and maybe Fraser will too.

Thick cock inside him. Moving in and out, harder and faster. And it hurts when Fraser bites down on his shoulder but he revels in that pain, too. Because he's finally getting to feel again. Feels as Fraser practically *roars* as he comes, filling Ray with his seed.

Feeling again, and so what if it's pain?

Strip away Fraser's inhibitions and inherent kindness and you'll get hurt. Ray's goal all along, so he's satisfied.

And later, after they've slept, he'll feel Fraser's hardness pressing into his hip. Ray will whimper, won't be able to stop himself. His whimper will excite Fraser more and...

And it will start all over again. But that's okay, because he can feel again.

He wants it.

Wants it so bad it hurts.

But it won't happen. Can't happen. Will never happen. Because he can't make Fraser lose control. And maybe there isn't a control to be lost. Maybe Fraser's just a good guy through and through.

Makes Ray sad because he'll have to find someone else that can make him feel. He wants that person to be Fraser, but it won't happen. He can't and won't do that to Fraser.

He just wants to *feel* again. But all he is right now is hopeless.

Hopeless and alone.

Numb.

End.