Rating: PG, m/m, slash

Feedback to:  wy236@victoria.tc.ca

The Night Before

"Let's go watch some curling," Benton Fraser said to Ray Kowalski. He
turned and headed down the hallway, expecting Ray to follow him. Since
Diefenbaker was blocking the door, Ray figured he didn't have much choice.
And really,  he didn't have much choice anyway - he'd follow the Mountie
anywhere. To hell and back, if necessary.  Ray wasn't certain when he'd
started feeling this way about his partner - and friend - Benton Fraser.
He'd been informed when he took this assignment to impersonate Ray Vecchio
that Fraser was Vecchio's 'unofficial partner' and that to make a believable
substitute for the other detective he'd have to hang around with the
Canadian every once in a while.  At first he'd considered Fraser to be
a freak. And, he supposed, compared to most *Chicago* police officers,
Fraser *was* a freak. But Fraser had become his friend. The Mountie had
been there for him during the Botrelle case, when no one else would listen
to him. Fraser had stuck by him when he'd had to bodyguard his ex-wife
Stella. He'd literally saved Ray's life more than once, rescuing him
from a sinking ship and, with the help of Diefenbaker, tackling a mugger
who'd stolen Ray's gun. Now he was giving Ray 'asylum' at the Canadian
Consulate, because Ray had been accused of murder. He didn't even question
whether his partner really could have killed Volpe. Truthfully, Ray wasn't
certain himself that he hadn't done it - a blow on the head had left
his memory of the event in fragments. But Fraser *was* certain. "How
do you know, Fraser? How do you know?" he'd asked.  "I know *you*, "
had been Ben's response. "You are my partner. You are my friend." 

His friend. Fraser was his friend. He'd turned away from the look on
Benton's face. Ray Kowalski didn't have many friends, and some of the
people he'd *thought* were his friends had betrayed him when he had been
trying to prove Beth Botrelle innocent of killing her husband.  But he
knew Fraser was sincere. Fraser could never be anything *but* sincere.
He literally was incapable of deception.  Was it any wonder Ray had fallen
in love with him?

Yes, Ray was in love with Mr. Straight-and-Narrow Fraser. Completely,
helplessly, and hopelessly in love. This was worse than Stella. At least
with Stella he'd been able to give it a try. He'd never get that chance
with the Mountie. Oh, he doubted that Fraser was homophobic. Fraser had
no prejudices as far as he could tell. But surely the man was straight.
And even if he weren't he wouldn't be interested in Ray. Skinny, short-sighted,
with hair that never behaved the way he wanted it to, not really good
at much except being a cop - what could he offer Mr. Perfect? 

Okay, he'd go watch curling with Fraser. Curling. Strange sport, looked
more like housework than a sport. He understood hockey - he'd even taken
Fraser to a few Blackhawks games - but this was beyond him. Well, he'd
just watch Fraser instead of the TV.

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Fraser rose and switched off the television. "Tomorrow is going to be
a busy day," he said to Kowalski. "You'd better try and get some sleep."

"Sleep?" said Ray with a bitter laugh. "Yeah, right. I'm gonna be hauled
off ta jail tomorrow - how am I supposed to sleep?"

"Ray, you are not going to jail. I will not let that happen,"  Fraser
stated firmly. 

"And how are ya gonna prevent it, Frase?"

"Any way I can. Trust me, Ray."

"We went over this already, Fraser. I don't even trust *me* - how can
I trust you?" 

"Some things you just have to take on faith," the Mountie replied. 

"Faith. Right. I'm not too big on faith, Fraser.  I like things that
I can touch, see, feel - and right now I don't see a way ta stop me going
to jail."

Fraser turned to face him, holding out one hand. "Take my hand, Ray,"
he said. *What the hell is he doing now?* Ray wondered. "Go ahead, take
it,"  Fraser said again. 

Ray reached out and grasped Fraser's hand. He felt as if he were hanging
on for dear life. Maybe he was. Fraser gripped Ray's hand in his. "Can
you feel that?" the Canadian asked. 

"Yeah," Kowalski replied, still not sure what Fraser had in mind. "You
can touch me, you can see me, you can feel me," Benton said. "If you
need something to hold on to, you can hold on to me." 

*I only wish I could*  thought Ray, but didn't say it out loud. He quickly
squeezed Fraser's hand, then released it, trying not to let any tears
escape from his eyes. "Thanks," he muttered, not looking at his friend.

Ben reached over and squeezed his shoulder. "Ray, would you feel any
better if you slept in my office with me? You can use my bedroll - I'll
sleep on the floor." 

Ray looked directly at him this time. "No, Fraser, I would not feel any
better. Yeah, I wanna sleep with ya, but not the way ya mean."

"Pardon me, Ray?" Fraser asked.

"What the hell, I'm gonna be dragged out of here tomorrow anyway, I might
as well say it. Fraser, I want to have sex with ya, and I'm pretty sure
that is not what ya want, so you can kick me out of here now, and Huey
and Dewey can arrest me, and I'll be out of yer face for good." 

There was dead silence for what seemed like an eternity, then Fraser
spoke. "Why would I want you to be 'out of my face', Ray?" he asked softly.

"Didn't ya hear what I just said? Are you as deaf as yer wolf? I said
I want ta have sex with ya, Fraser, and I know that's not what ya want,
so I should probably get out of here now." But he felt paralyzed, and
he didn't move. 

"No, Ray, I do not want to have sex with you," replied Fraser. "But I
*do* want to make love to you." 

Ray turned very slowly toward his partner. "Ya,  ya want to make love
to me?" he asked in a strained whisper.

"Yes,  Ray, I do. I do not want to, as you put it, 'have sex' - that
makes it sound like a very impersonal act. I love you, Stanley Raymond
Kowalski, and I want to show you that I do." 

"You love me?"  All Ray seemed to be able to do was  repeat Fraser's
words. 

Ben smiled. "Didn't I just say that I do, Ray?"

"But - but - why didn't ya ever tell me before?"

The smile turned down at the corners. "Oh, Ray, I have lost so many people
in my life that I cared about - my parents, my grandparents, Victoria,
Ray Vecchio - that I did not want to take the risk that I would lose
you, too."

Finally feeling able to move, Ray wrapped his arms around the man that
he loved. "Fraser, I love ya, and ya won't lose me, at least, not unless
Cahill throws me behind bars tomorrow." 

"I told you, Ray, that I will not let that happen, no matter what. Do
you trust me?" 

Ray considered everything that he had just heard his partner say. "Yeah,
Fraser, I do trust ya." 

Fraser's smile returned.  "Good. Now, do you want to come to bed with
me?" 

Ray grinned at the Mountie. "Not if yer gonna sleep on the floor," he
replied. 

"I have no intention of sleeping on the floor, or of  letting you do
so." 

Ray kissed his friend full on the lips. When he could breathe again he
said, "Lead the way, Fraser."  Taking Ray's hand, Fraser led him to his
office. Ray knew that they still had to face Cahill tomorrow, but everything
would be all right. Everything would be all right,  as long as they were
together.

End