Pairing: Benny/Ray V.

Rating: NC-17

Category: Satire, actually

Comments can be made to jeanniemarie@sprintmail.com

Apologies to XENA, WARRIOR PRINCESS for the series' title, but it fits.

What's this story about? Well, it's a satire, dreamed up by me while reading some DS slashfic the other day, and keeping in mind that certain characteristics of OFM's personality intrigues me. So this story, which pokes fun at Americans and Canadians alike.

It was conceived in an igloo and born in a barn. Oops, actually, the idea was conceived last night in front of the computer screen and born today in two short writing sessions.

C'mon, didn't you ever wonder just why the RCMP only seems to have gorgeous-looking hunks? :)

(c) August 15, 1999

*Ray Vecchio stood a trifle nervously at the door to the Consulate. He glanced to his right, but no official Mountie statue was standing guard there as the building had closed down for the day. He could hear footsteps from inside the foyer and took a deep breath as the door swung open.

"How nice to see you, Detective Vecchio."

"Inspector Thatcher."

He followed her into the foyer, her shapely body clad in a low-cut red dress. Her black hair was softly brushed over her shoulders, and her smile was actually pleasant instead of Ice Queen-cold. She led him to the 'parlor', the entrance draped by a shimmering red curtain which she pushed aside. He stepped into the parlor and nodded to other men who were sitting and standing around, drinks in their hands. There was Welsh, Huey, Dewey, Kowalski and other men he knew as regulars. He took a drink from a young waiter's hand and sipped it while he waited.

It didn't take long. The Inspector appeared with a dazzling contingent of serge-clad Mounties, who immediately broke out of the two straight lines behind her and mingled with the other men in the room. Benton Fraser saw Ray and nearly made a beeline for him.

"Hiya, Benny."

"Hello, Ray."

They stood there grinning, then Ray asked, "Wanna soda water?"

"Yes, please."

Ray got the drink from the portable bar at the end of the room and Benny sipped it delicately. His beauty was especially breathtaking tonight as his face was slightly flushed pink. Ray was determined to increase that lovely little color before the night was out.

"So, how's it goin'?"

"Ray, we saw each other at lunch."

"Yeah, Benny, but now it's now and..." Ray shrugged. "That was a freebie."

Benny nodded and finished the soda water. He watched as Inspector Thatcher worked the room, the soft lighting enhancing her considerable charms. The Mounties had paired off with the Americans in the group by now, but the conversation seemed pleasant enough, and there was free food and booze being served. A tuxedo-clad man sat down at the piano and began to play.

"Benny..."

"Yes, Ray?"

Ray was mesmerized by the incredible midnight-blue of his friend's eyes. He swallowed and said, "Can we get the Queen's Bedroom for tonight?"

"I believe the Inspector would be most amenable."

Ray nodded and dug his credit card out of his wallet. At the glint of gold off the card, Meg Thatcher crossed the room and smiled that smile again. "Special accomodations tonight, Detective?"

"Yes, Madam."

She took the credit card and snapped her fingers. The young waiter scurried over. "Tell Pierre that we need the Queen's Bedroom made up."

"Yes, Madam."

He hurried off upstairs and Thatcher tucked the card into her cleavage. "The room will be ready presently, Detective." She looked at Benny. "I trust that Constable Fraser will...entertain you...until then."

"And after," Ray said with a grin, enjoying Benny's blush and Thatcher's smirk. She sashayed away, her derriere fetchingly set off in that red silk. Ray turned his attention to his companion as Benny cleared his throat. "Ah, Ray, how would you like to be entertained?"

Ray grinned at the mischief twinkling in those blue eyes, and he leaned indolently back against the wall. "I dunno, Benny. Surprise me."

"All right." Benny strode over to the piano and bent over to whisper something to the pianist, who nodded. Then the Mountie stood up and the tune abruptly changed, and he began singing. Ray began to laugh after he groaned.

"I was born up North of Great Slave Lake/In 1898..."

The words, "Ride Forever!" were quickly reached as the other Mounties took up the refrain. Their guests rolled their eyes but joined in the now-familiar song.

Ray wiped his eyes from laughter. Oh, his bad boy. He hoped the Queen's Bedroom came equipped with a paddle.

By the time the song had been finished twice, Thatcher was back in the room and discreetly beckoning to Ray, who signalled Benny. The Mountie bowed out and quickly came over to Ray, who firmly grasped his hand.

"Guy will show you to your room." She slipped the credit card to Ray.

All part of the service, because both Ray and Benny knew where the Queen's Bedroom was. Oh, yeah.

They followed the waiter up the staircase and up yet another, to the third floor which offered them some privacy. Guy bowed and nudged the door open, then left as Ray tugged Benny over the threshold.

It was done up in fine fettle, Ray thought. The queen-sized bed shimmered in red silk, the bedspread turned down invitingly. Fresh flowers filled rare porcelain vases, filling the room with a sweet scent, and the lights were turned down low. A bucket of champagne cooled on a silver serving cart, and sweet pastries, chocolates and fruit were arranged enticingly. Ray noticed that the fruit was strawberries, to his approval. Thatcher had remembered.

Benny stood in front of him now, breathing slightly quick, and Ray kissed him. A sweet, deep kiss, and then he began unbuttoning the red serge. Benny didn't hesitate to grasp Ray's arms and kiss him back, their breaths turning to groans as their tongues dueled. Then Ray pulled apart the serge and was pleased to see no undershirt. He sucked and licked at his lover's nipples, the Canadian moaning softly at this play, and Benny's hands slid over to Ray's buttocks and squeezed, Ray bucking slightly. American and Canadian hands removed clothing and dropped it on the floor, Benny gasping as Ray touched his cock, lovingly stroking it as he ground his hips forward and touched his manhood to his lover's.

Benny was gently pushed onto the bed, his boots removed, then a naked Benny removed Ray's pants, shoes and socks, kneeling at his feet. Ray's green eyes glazed over and his lightly ran his cock over Benny's lips. The Canadian parted them and eagerly took the swelling flesh into his mouth, rocking back and forth slightly on his heels. Ray's long fingers twined in Benny's hair and he thrust forward, Benny taking him all in. Ray's thrusting grew more urgent, then he growled, "Stop," and nearly threw Benny onto the bed, the Mountie instantly parting his legs while Ray quickly lubed them both with the aromatic cream left on the nightstand. Ray positioned himself, taking the sturdy legs over his shoulders, and then kissed Benny's inner thigh, a shudder of pleasure going through his Mountie. He slid in, their mingled groans filling the room as the bed shook. Tight, hot pleasure surrounded Ray's cock, Benny's face flushed that dusky-rose that he loved to see in the throes of passion. He stroked Benny's cock, watching the skillful fingers grasp the sheets in white-knuckled intensity. He gave one final thrust and came, his body flowing into Benny's as they became one, Benny spurting seed all over his belly.

He slid out of his beautiful lover, his last coherent thought as his Mountie began licking the cream off his belly, He's worth every last American dime!*

*Benny was made for rose-scented water. Ray led him into the spacious bathroom with the shimmering water, scented with that heavenly rosewater. Candles were lit, their light playing on his lover's skin, and there were little seashell-shaped soaps arranged discreetly around the sunken tub.

Ray eased Benny into the tub and languorously soaped his chest and arms, gliding the soap over broad shoulders. Dampness curled Benny's hair, making him look very wanton, indeed. A good look for one in his profession, Ray thought with a smirk.

He kissed his companion, the soap slipping down beneath the warm water and Benny gasping. With a wicked gleam in emerald eyes, Ray began to play with the considerable endowment between Benny's legs. The Mountie closed his eyes and threw his head back, his legs spreading out even more. Oh, yes. Canadians took their training seriously.

Ray slipped into the water and kissed Benny all over, sliding his penis into the well-lubed anus and thrusting forward. They were buoyed shamelessly by the water, and Benny cried out as he came, mixing with Ray's seed in the water. Ray kissed him gently, then harder. Benny floated bonelessly, a Greek god offering himself, then he roused and stroked Ray's olive skin, soaping him and kissing every inch above water. He lapped tiny droplets of water off Ray, kissing the sensuous mouth, then flicking his tongue down the graceful neck, and finally kissing closed eyelids. Ray purred happily, guiding Benny's hand down below the water.

The strawberry scent of the candles turned him on as he breathed in their essence. He cupped Benny's head as the Mountie suckled him, then he slapped him smartly on the ass and Benny lifted his companion's heavy penis out of the water, applying a different kind of suckling. Ray thrashed in the water, spreading his legs, and Benny's finger teased his anus in the rippling waves. He opened his eyes and saw Benny's candle-highlighted face in blissful lust, the perfect mouth full of his cock, and he poured down the Canadian's throat, their groans mutually satisfying.

And Benny attended him the rest of the night, offering himself with wanton glee, on all fours on the bed, and then on his back, spreading his legs wide and panting for a good, hard fucking. And while even a healthy male can get it up only so many times a night, Ray surprised himself and his delicious piece of ass with the frequency of his ability to fuck Benny long and hard.

The strawberries were brought over, and Ray ate them off the broad chest, putting one on his tongue and sliding into Benny's mouth. Then he dropped a strawberry between Benny's cheeks as the Mountie turned over, and his tongue slid down into that wet warmth, probing and tasting and swirling, Benny sobbing and pulling his buttocks apart, trying to let Ray find that elusive strawberry...

Ray found something even sweeter.*

*Ray propped himself on his elbow and watched Benny sleep. It was close to dawn, and ordinarily he didn't awaken this early, but he had this morning and decided to take advantage of the rare opportunity. Usually Benny was the one up first.

He saw the angelic face and smirked. That sweat-curled hair hung over the alabaster brow, Ray wondering if he'd read too many nineteenth-century novels in English class with that description. He lightly touched Benny's face, the Mountie unconsciously rubbing his cheek against Ray's palm.

Oh, yeah, Benny had been worth every red-blooded American cent last night. He was the perfect whore, charming and beautiful and willing. Weren't all the Canucks in this place?

Ray thought back to the day when Benny had first told him about the, uh, peculiar clause in the RCMP's contract with their employees...

*"Ya mean they make you be *hookers*?"

"Well, Ray, we *are* some of Canada's most profitable exports."

"Oh, yeah, I'll just bet! How come I never heard of this before?"

"Well, for obvious reasons, Ray, the Government of Canada is not eager to publicize their, um, method of procuring money..."

Ray snorted. "Yeah, I guess not. So, you mean the Dragon Lady's got the Consulate all tricked out like a brothel?"

"Yes, Ray. When she got here and saw the, um, quality, of her personnel, she immediately petitioned her superiors in Ottawa for a fund to set up the operation."

"So Moffat wasn't interested?"

"No. And not all Consulates and Embassies practice this method of importing money. But Inspector Thatcher had the right to set up this business and the money goes to the Government."

"She gets a fat cut, huh?"

"As the Madam, yes."

"And what do you get?"

"Extra pay, which considering the exchange rate is a godsend..."

"Yeah, yeah. Where does that leave us, Benny? I ain't thrilled about you screwin' around with other guys. And now do I gotta pay for you every time I wanna fuck?"

Benny smiled. "Oh, no, Ray. While I must service any man who will pay for me during our nights for business at the Consulate, you and I are still lovers, and that's free." A shadow crossed his face. "Aren't we?"

"Hell, yes, Benny! C'mere!"*

So Benny gave his body to Ray for free, but Ray's stubborn Italian pride had insisted that he pay for his lover at least once a week. And Benny had suggested that Ray sample some of the other men at the Consulate, because after all he was spreading his legs for a lot of other men, and he pooled his money with Ray's and the American got to sample Turnbull, who was big and shy but eager to please, and Cooper, who was so young Ray felt like he was robbing the cradle, and Williams, whose vacant intelligence made Ray uneasy. And he discovered that his fellow police officers at the Precinct had been invited to partake of Canadian goodies, and the newly-assigned Detective Ray Kowalski had latched onto Turnbull like Ray had latched onto Benny. And Thatcher was a shrewd businesswoman, enlisting Jasmine, the secretaries, and the newly-assigned Constable Maggie McKenzie to set up a female stable, and after that, Frannie and Elaine no longer made eyes at Benny, way too satisfied with what they were getting on Ladies' Night.

There were rooms on the second floor assigned to each Mountie, but the Queen's Bedroom could be had for extra. Ray usually got serviced by Benny in the second-floor room, but every now and again he felt like being extravagant. Besides, Benny was made for rosewater, and he should be able to spread his legs on shimmering silk every now and again...

Gazing down at his sleeping lover with the angel face, Ray chuckled and said, "Yeah, Canada sure does know what to export!"*