Part Two of the trilogy celebrating the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. The events described herein are real.

Notes: Victoria Barracks is an old army barracks on Oxford Street, Paddington, the original gay part of town. The reason you need to know this will become apparent.

Rated PG

At The Mall - Shop Yourself Stupid

Let me welcome you ladies and gentlemen
I would like to say hello
Are you ready for some entertainment?
Are you ready for a show?   Let Me Entertain You - Queen


"So what exactly is it we have to do at the mall, Ray?" Fraser asked as they got out of Ray's GTO.

Ray chuckled as they strolled across the carpark towards the entrance. "Well, Fraser, it seems we made such a hit last Sunday at the Gay Pride Fair Day, that when the organisers of this little shindig were told they needed police presence, they specifically requested you and me."

"Oh, well that *is* flattering." Fraser beamed with pride, pleased he had chosen to wear his dress reds. "But just what is this 'little shindig'?" he asked as they stepped through the automatic doors and into the mall itself.

On cue a drag queen in an electric blue sequined gown and matching wig wandered across their path and disappeared into a store.

Fraser whipped his head around to stare at Ray, only mildly surprised to find his friend laughing.

"An AIDS benefit." He stopped, running a hand over his face. "A drag show, Fraser."

"A drag show?" He stared at Ray for a moment. "In the *mall*?"

"Yeah. There's a lot of gay people living in this area, so the mall decided to ......"

"Capitalise on it?" Fraser finished for him, finally noticing the colourful displays and posters all over the mall encouraging people to 'Shop Yourself Stupid'.

"Yeah. Capitalise would be a good word. That works."

"So what do we have to do?"

Ray shrugged. "Nothing much, just hang around the stage. Pan will probably introduce us."

"Pan?" Fraser's eyes widened. "As in Pan Am?" He shuddered, remembering his last embarrassing encounter with Pan Am. For once he was pleased he had not been allowed to bring Diefenbaker.

"Yeah. Didn't I mention that?" Ray scratched his head and gave Fraser a mischievous look. "It's, ah, it's Pan's show."

"Oh." Fraser straightened to his full height and tugged at the hem of his tunic. He could deal with this. He was, after all, a Mountie.

Before they had time to discuss it further, the same handsome blonde man, Tom Gleeson, who had supplied them with t-shirts on Fair Day approached them. After greeting Ray and Fraser he led them through the mall to the stage area, pointing out a number of displays of gaudy sequined costumes in store windows as they went.

"These costumes have come from Australia," the man who introduced himself as Tom explained. "The Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras committee loaned them to us. I met several of the committee members when I was down there for Mardi Gras earlier this year."

"Very, ah, detailed work, Tom," Fraser mumbled, stumbling to find an appropriate phrase.

"I hear they close off parts of the city for the parade?" Ray asked, as much for his own interest as to cover Fraser's embarrassment.

Tom grinned. "Yes, it's great. The entire street where the parade is held is closed for the day. A few years ago, though, the parade started taking a detour."

"A detour?"

"Yes, the parade now detours past St Vincent's Hospice where many previous parade participants are dying."

Fraser cocked his head to one side. "AIDS?"

Tom's expression turned sad. "Yes. Apparently some of them hang on for Mardi Gras and then die peacefully. St Vincent's records its highest rate of AIDS related deaths in the week after Mardi Gras."

Fraser gave a sad smile and looked at Ray, who had been surprisingly silent during this exchange.

Tom smiled again. "And that's what today's show is all about. The more money we can raise for AIDS research, the sooner we'll have a cure."

"I'll drink to that," Ray muttered softly.

Tom grinned at them both. "Come on, let's get over to the stage, the show starts soon."


Amongst the quickly growing crowd of shoppers the three men found a clear space to stand near a trestle table filled with leaflets and posters, many of which bore the familiar red ribbon symbol of AIDS awareness. Behind the table stood a man and a woman handing out free condoms and taking donations for an AIDS research organisation.

While Tom and Fraser chatted, Ray looked around the mall, initially to spot any likely protestors or troublemakers, but also because the mix of people who frequented this mall was a source of fascination for him. At a table nearby an elderly Greek woman fed french-fries to her granddaughter; an Asian man with a newborn baby on his back chose fruit from a greengrocer; a middle-aged man pushed his disabled wife in her wheelchair. Amongst these people weaved the same mix he had seen at the Fair Day a week earlier, men in leather, women in army boots, men in high heels. Ray felt a surge of happiness in his heart and he was pleased to live in a place and a time where race, gender and sexual orientation did not matter.

While they waited for the show to begin, many people came to the table to collect leaflets and make a donation. One of them, a large hirsute man dressed in tight leather pants, a leather vest and leather cap caught sight of Fraser and wandered over to stand in front of him.

"Good afternoon, Sir," Fraser smiled politely at the man.

"Is that a real Mountie uniform?" The man asked in a Canadian accent, lifting a large hand to stroke his moustache.

"Why yes it is. And is that a real Canadian accent you have?"

"Yes it is." He grinned slightly and leaned closer, his leather pants creaking as he did. "Where you from?"

"The Yukon," Fraser said proudly. "And you?"

"Alberta," the leather man replied, leaning even closer. "You like bears?"

Beside him Ray and Tom exchanged a glance and began to snigger, but Fraser tried his best to ignore them. "Why, yes. I do like bears. But of course, it depends on which sort of bear you are talking about. For example," he took a breath and continued, "whilst I have had experience with brown bears, I am most familiar with polar bears...."

The leather man cut him off. "Euww, that's sick. You're disgusting! You're a danger to society!" And with that he stalked off, leaving Fraser open-mouthed and staring at the small brown bear tucked in the leather man's back left pocket.

Ray and Tom laughed loudly. Fraser turned to Ray, searching for an explanation, but Ray laughed so hard, he had tears in his eyes.

"I guess you haven't heard the term 'bear' before, Constable?" Tom asked, trying to ease the Mountie's discomfort.

"No. No, I haven't. Is it some American colloquial term that I'm not familiar with?"

By this time Ray had his laughter under control. "No, Fraser, it's a gay 'colloquial term'." He slipped an arm around Fraser's shoulder and pulled him closer so he could whisper in his ear. "You see, Fraser, a bear is a guy who is, well, hairy.....all over.....ya know, like a bear...."

Fraser straightened and stared at his friend. "Oh." His eyes were like saucers. "So he was asking.....?" Ray nodded. "And he thought I......?" Ray nodded again. "Oh dear," he muttered, blushing furiously. "Should I go after him and explain?"

"I don't think so, Fraser."

At that moment, the strains of loud music began to pour forth from the speakers around the mall. Tom turned to them.

"You'll have to excuse me guys. It's time to introduce the show." He headed towards the stage, collecting a microphone from the mixer as he did.

Once onstage, the music was lowered and Tom turned to address the gathering crowd.

"Thanks for coming everyone. We've got a great show for you this afternoon. The girls are just getting ready and will be out any minute. During the show, volunteers will be moving amongst you to collect donations for AIDS research. Please give generously because you never know when it will affect you, directly or indirectly." He paused for a moment. "But now, let me introduce the Hostess with the Mostest - Pan Am!"

Tom moved to the rear as Pan Am strutted onto the stage followed by two other drag queens. The three women were dressed in a shortened, sequined version of a flight attendants uniform, complete with hat, gloves and a tray of coffee cups.

"Hello, everyone!" she screamed. "Thanks for coming to see our little show. Before we start, I'd like to say a special thank you to my very good friends, Detective ...ah.... Vecchio and Constable Fraser." She pointed to Ray and Fraser. "They're here to keep an eye on things, so behave or you may find yourself in handcuffs!"

"The guy in red can put me in handcuffs any time!" a voice called from the audience.

"Now, now keep yourself nice!" Pan Am said to the faceless voice. She turned and indicated the other two drag queens, who had been waiting patiently behind her. "Now these are my other two good friends, Victoria Barracks and Portia Turbo and we're going to do a few numbers...."

Music spilled forth from the speakers. Fraser did not recognise the song, but Ray obviously did for his feet tapped along in time and, he was certain, even danced along with them.

The women performed a series of tricky dance steps whilst juggling their trays and miming the words to 'Leaving on a Jet Plane'. Fraser watched in surprise. He had never seen a drag show before and it was certainly a strange sight.

When the song ended, Portia and Victoria dashed backstage to change whilst Pan continued her banter, encouraging the audience to donate.

"So what do you think, Fraser?" Ray slapped his hand on Fraser's shoulder, grinning at his friend's surprise.

"Oh, well, they're very.....talented..."

Before Ray could tease him any further a pretty young boy dressed in very small shorts and tank top appeared in front of them clutching a large bucket adorned with red ribbons.

"Would you like to make a donation?" He batted his eyelashes at both men.

Ray pulled a pile of notes from his pocket and thrust them into the bucket, accepting silently a sticker that announced his donation. Fraser took off his hat and pulled a note from inside, handed it to the boy and replaced the hat on his head. The boy reached over and pressed the sticker onto Fraser's chest, his hand lingering longer than was strictly necessary. Fraser blushed and Ray laughed again as the boy moved off.

"Fraser, you can't tell me no guy's ever flirted with you before. I mean, let's face it, you could be the poster boy for Gay America."

But before Fraser could ask him exactly what he meant, Pan Am and her companions were back on stage dressed in short skirts covered in red hearts miming to Cher's version of 'The Shoop Shoop Song' and Fraser knew it would have to wait. When this song ended Portia and Victoria continued miming to Cher's 'I've Found Someone', dancing around the stage in dangerously high heels with deceptive ease. Fraser continued to watch the show in silence, waiting for the moment when he could question Ray about his comment.

As 'I've Found Someone' ended there was a brief moment of silence and Fraser turned to Ray. Just as he opened his mouth to speak Pan Am appeared on stage again, this time dressed in a copy of the costume Cher had worn for her 'If I Could Turn Back Time' film clip. The crowd roared with appreciation and again Fraser was speechless. Beside him Ray clapped and cheered with gusto, even going as far as calling out for Pan to 'go for it, baby', much to Fraser's embarrassment. He tried not to notice that his friend was dancing on the spot.

At the end of the song, Pan gave a gracious bow.

"Thank you darlings!" she called to the effusive crowd.

Before she could get another word out a small voice came from the audience. "Is Barney on next?"

The audience roared with laughter and Ray noticed the voice came from the young Greek girl he had seen before the show.

Pan took it all in her stride, laughing with everyone. She leaned down as gracefully as her six-inch heels would let her, speaking directly to the child.

"No, honey, but I've got a purple dress out back if you want me to put it on."

The audience erupted in laughter. Pan waved them into silence. "OK, now you're all in such a good mood I want you to reach deep into your pockets and give to our AIDS research project."

Pan called for Victoria Barracks and Portia Turbo to once again join her on stage. "The girls and I would like to thank you all for coming to see us today. We'd like to thank our police friends." She winked at Ray and Fraser. "And, most of all we'd like to thank Carrington Mall for having us. Don't forget to 'Shop Yourselves Stupid'."

The crowd applauded loudly and began to move off as the women left the stage.

"Did you like it, Fraser?" Ray asked, almost bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Why yes, Ray. It was all for a very good cause. I can honestly say I have never seen anything quite like it." He frowned. "What I can't understand, though, is why the police were needed at an event like this." He waved a hand at the crowd around them. "These people are causing no trouble."

Ray frowned and looked around him at the mix of people in the mall. "It's not these people I'm worried about."

As Fraser was about to question him further, Tom approached them once again. "Ray is right, Constable. Sadly we have had a number of problems at Gay Pride functions from people who believe we're a blight on society and we deserve to die from AIDS."

"But that's ridiculous." Disbelief showed on his face as he looked between Ray and Tom.

"Not everyone thinks like you, Fraser."

"But I wish more did," Tom smiled at them both. "Listen, I want to thank you both for coming today. It really means a lot to us."

"No problem, Tom. You have my numbers, so call if I can help with anything else." Ray smiled at Tom, accepted his goodbye kiss and then turned to Fraser. "It's time we got going."

"Ah....yes....well," Fraser stammered, unnerved by the easy display he had just witnessed.

They made their goodbyes and Ray led a still stunned Fraser towards the exit.

"You should come to the drag races next weekend," Tom called as they walked away.

"We'd love to, thanks," Ray called over his shoulder as he steered Fraser out the door and into the carpark.

"Ray, you know I have no interest in cars, much less racing them," Fraser protested as they neared the car.

Ray sniggered. "Don't worry, there won't be a car in sight, Fraser." He unlocked the passenger door for his companion and then moved to the driver's side, unlocking his own.

"But....." He stopped, his mind suddenly full of images, each one stranger than the last. He shook his thoughts away and got into the car. It couldn't possibly be what he thought. Drag racing was a sport that involved cars, wasn't it?

Fraser was pleased that during the events of the past week he had learned a great deal about the gay community and also about his friend, but the smug grin on Ray's face as they drove off told him he still had a lot to learn.


Comments welcome at mullum@tig.com.au