Title: Strange Glue - Part One: -Dark Clouds

Author: necessary angel

Pairing: Fraser/Kowalski

Rating: R for language and m/m interaction

Spoilers: For everything up to & including Mountie on the Bounty Parts 1& 2

Disclaimer: Not mine, they all belong to Alliance. This is just for fun. The series title "Strange Glue" is also the title of a song by Catatonia on their International Velvet CD. The song doesn't have anything to do with this other than to set me in the mood for writing <g>.

Notes: This is the first part of a longer Fraser/Kowalski story and is set just after Mountie on the Bounty.

This story came about because of some correspondence with Caroline Alert; I definitely wouldn't have started this without that so this is for her.

Feedback: Yes please to necessary_angel@yahoo.com

"Fraser! Fraser! Wait!" Francesa's voice is urgent and shrill.

"Yes, Francesa What can I do for you?" He walks back to her desk

"Lieutenant Welsh would like to see you. He is waiting for you in his office." She sounds far more subdued and formal than usual.

"Fraser, Fraser, are you going in?" Francesa is frowning at him and he suddenly realizes she hasn't smiled at him once.

"Yes, yes I am. Is everything alright?"

"Yes, fine. Go, go." She makes a shooing motion with her hands and fixes her attention back on her computer screen.

Fraser looks at her for another moment and moves off to answer the Lieutenant's unexpected summons.

Welsh waves him into the office before he can knock. "You wanted to see..."

"Yeah, sit down Constable."

He sits down feeling slightly uncomfortable at the intent stare the older man is giving him.

Welsh sighs and rubs one hand over his eyes. "Constable..." He stops and sighs again.

"How much do you know about Ray Kowalski's career before he came here?"

Fraser can only blink at him and try not to let his jaw drop open. Lieutenant Welsh never refers to his partner as Kowalski.

"Uh, well he never talks about it, Sir but I have seen some of his file, his citations."

"Right, yeah." Welsh waves a dismissive hand. "You remember I told you that Ray is a damn good cop..."

"He is a very good policeman but what..."

"Constable!" Welsh raises a hand.

"Ray Kowalski was asked to cover for Vecchio mainly because he is a very good undercover cop. We needed someone that wouldn't fuck it up and despite his lack of physical resemblance to Vecchio he was the only real choice. He was really going places until that last fiasco."

Welsh falls silent, looking down at his desk. Fraser coughs slightly as the silence stretches out but the older man's gaze remains locked on his clasped hands.

"Sir."

Lieutenant Welsh raises his head.

"I don't know whether you remember a few months back when the entire Central Narc team at 23^rd precinct was busted for corruption?"

"Yes I remember."

It had sent shock waves through the whole Chicago P.D. Ray Vecchio and he had spent hours discussing each rumor and fact as they discovered them.

"Are you saying that Ray was part of... is corrupt?" He has to stand up, wondering whether he's missed some part of this conversation.

"No of course not, Constable. Sit down. No I'm saying he was the one that tumbled that house of cards down. They were dirty and he got them. He was a new transfer, from a vice stint and he realized pretty quickly that whole set up from the Captain down stank. But he shot his career down with them."

"I don't understand if he..."

Fraser sits back down, several small comments that Ray has made clicking into a new picture.

"Fraser, I think you do. He broke the rules, turned his own in. No other narcotics or vice team would touch him. He moved from precinct to precinct until the Vecchio op came up. It was a good chance for him to start over and let the heat die down."

"There's more isn't there Sir?"

He loosens his fingers from their clenched hold on the Stetson and flexes them deliberately while he waits for the Lieutenant to continue.

"Have you seen the news? Never mind. Robert Francis escaped from prison this morning. Francis was the captain of that team and he is gunning for Ray."

"So where is Ray?"

"That's just it Constable I have no idea where Kowalski is. I told him to hole up at his apartment and put Huey and Dewey on to watch him. He gave them the slip a few hours ago and we haven't been able to track him down. I was hoping you might have some ideas. Find him for me and get him somewhere safe."

"Yes Sir."

He stands up, his brain already moving into gear, trying to figure out what Ray might be up to or where he may have gone to ground.

"Oh and Constable Fraser. Take this and use it and only it to contact me when you find him. Speak to no one else. We have to keep this as quiet as possible. It's not just Kowalski's ass that's on the line."

He takes the cell phone. "Understood."

"Don't let me down."

Fraser leaves the office running through a list of places to try in his head. He is half way out of the building when he thinks of searching Ray's desk. He runs back up the Squad Room, not noticing that he almost knocks Francesa over as he enters the room. He flicks through the stack of files and papers. Nothing that isn't related to Ray's current caseload as far he can tell. The drawers reveal nothing more than some stationery, a few ticket stubs and Ray's stash of candy. He smiles as his fingers touch the shiny smooth surface of the candy packets. Where ever Ray is there is nothing here to point to it here.

Fraser rubs one eyebrow and then reaches down to feel under the drawer cabinet. There taped at the back, barely reachable are the spare keys to Ray's apartment. He flicks at the smooth edge of tape trying to find a loose fragment, certain that Ray's long fingers and slimmer wrists would make the task easy but then that's the point. Eventually he manages to free the keys and head out of the Squad Room, oblivious to Francesa's indignant glare.

Several hours later he is back at Ray's apartment completely at an impasse. He unlocks the door hoping that Ray has returned in his absence but the place is quiet and it looks like no-one has been here since he searched the place earlier. He manages to find a clean glass on the draining board and is more pleased to find bottled water in the fridge. Sipping the cool metallic liquid he sinks into Ray's chair and just breathes for a few moments. His head aches from a day spent combing the streets of Chicago for his missing partner.

He'd tried all Ray's usual haunts, the gym, the bars he had visited with him and some that he had heard Ray mention to Detective Huey, and he had even walked up to the Lake. His partner hasn't gone to ground he is convinced of that. Fraser has his suspicions about what the mercurial man is up to; but as Ray would say he doesn't want to go there. He shut his eyes for a moment but it doesn't help at all. It's been a long day and it looks like being an even longer night. He can't sit here waiting; maybe there is something he missed earlier.

I can hear faint, scrabbling noises as I unlock my door. Reaching down into my boot I pull out my gun and edge slowly into my apartment. Fraser is standing, surrounded by the contents of my freezer and chipping at the build up of ice. I grin to myself; somehow I don't think he has become Martha Stewart overnight which means he is searching my place in his usual thorough fashion.

"Hi Fraze."

I lean against the door after shutting it. My knees are sagging and it feels good to just stop moving, just for a moment.

He spins round startled his bat-like hearing having failed him for once.

"Ray, I Uh."

He stops talking, swallows and stares at me with his mouth hanging open. Score two for the cop. It's not often that I have seen that look on Fraser's face, let alone put it there myself.

I lock and bolt the door behind me.

"I'm just gonna get changed and then I think we need ta talk. And Fraze, ya won't find anything except food in there."

I grab some sweats and a T-shirt from the pile of laundry that has made it to the chair in my bedroom and head for the bathroom. I am dying for a shower. My clothes feel as if they have bonded to my skin. I splash my face with cold water and risk a glance in the mirror. The dark brown contacts and black hair mousse have done their job and it is a stranger's face wearing my smirk.

I hafta to sit on the floor to peel off my jeans; my legs feel like I have sunburn by the time I manage to kick 'em off. The T-shirt is easier; the skin on my back at least feels intact after I tug it over my head. The ankle holster slips free easily. My humid feet jitter against the cool floor as I stand up.

Shower or contacts, I move towards the shower but I stop as my hand reaches out to turn on the water. I can't stand having these fucking things in my eyes much longer and I really want a long shower. I find the lens case and the cleaning gunk and set about getting the damn things out. Putting them in is a breeze, never been a problem, it's the way the fucking things bond to my eyeballs that I can't stand. Eventually I manage to pop the things free and clean them. I blink back the tears and hide the stuff at the back of my bathroom cabinet.

Hot water and shampoo have to be the best things ever invented. I only get outta the shower as the water starts to run cold. I wrap myself in a clean towel, the next best thing after hot water and shampoo, and rub at the steamed up mirror. As far as I can tell the black is outta my hair and the redness is starting to fade from my eyes. Time to face the Mountie, I dress and taking a deep breath open the bathroom door.

Fraser is standing by the window petting Dief, staring out at the darkening evening sky when Ray comes out of the bathroom. Ray's hair is flat, sleek to his head but once more its natural dark blond. He no longer looks like the hard faced stranger who walked in earlier; he looks younger than usual, less aggressive and knowing. Fraser knows he is staring at him but Ray looked like this when they were trapped on the Henry Allen and that day in the crypt when he talked about the robbery.

"Did ya use my spare keys?" he sprawls in the chair with a sigh and a languid easy stretch.

"Yes, I didn't think you'd mind under the circumstances."

Fraser walks across and sits on the floor beside the chair.

"That's why I told ya where they were."

He nibbles at a fingernail. He has never seen Ray bite his nails and he wants to slap his hand away from his mouth. Almost as if his partner reads his mind he jerks his finger away from his teeth.

"You spoke to Welsh then?"

His voice is guarded and Fraser can't ever remember him looking this weary or this wary, like an animal that expects to be kicked at any second.

"When I got to the station, why didn't you call me Ray?"

He keeps his voice as neutral as he can, he wants to make this as easy as possible for Ray. His partner must have seen something in his face because he is biting that sulky lower lip.

I glance quickly down at him before closing my eyes. I am trying to choose my words carefully for once. Fraser and I are only just alright again, the aftershocks of the events on the Henry Allen have barely settled and my past biting our partnership on the ass is not what we need.

"Ray, Ray, Ray." He grabs my knee, squeezing hard enough to pull my attention back to him. "Talk to me Ray, please."

"Yeah, Fraze I am. It's just I done everything not to think about it all and now it's all blown up in my face. Ya really can never leave it behind huh? Chance to start again, my ass." I rub a hand over my jaw.

Fraser swivels so that he facing my chair and looks up at me with troubled eyes.

"There's a lot more to this than Lieutenant Welsh told me isn't there?"

"I don't know, I guess he wouldn't have gone into all the details. Okay Fraze I'll spill everything but let's cook at the same time."

Fraser is staring at me with his mouth open for the second time since I edged through the door.

I can't not laugh. He closes his mouth and chuckles.

"I am sorry Ray, it's just that I never..."

"Man does not live on take out alone, ya know Fraze."

I hold out a hand and pull Fraser to his feet. I have to rock back on my feet slightly, the slight height difference and the bigger weight difference never really hits me until I try something like that. He is standing very close to my side as he straightens up. He has removed his uniform jacket and the heat of his body is startling against my bare arm.

I move over to the kitchen.

"I can't do nothing fancy, Fraze but how does pasta and something sauce grab ya?"

I start rummaging through the refrigerator. For once I am not too badly off for food and I can probably scrape together a fairly decent meal.

"Pasta and something sauce?" Fraser is amused but too polite or dazed to laugh.

"Yeah, pasta and something, whatever I have in the fridge sauce."

I can't help laughing at the dubious look on Fraser's face. He is standing at the other side of the counter, looking at me as if he has never seen me before.

"Trust me Fraze, I haven't poisoned anyone yet."

Fraser starts chopping the vegetables I rescued from the 'fridge as I defrost the some ground beef and put water on for the pasta. He is has that professional cheffy style chopping action down pat and I am smiling foolishly as I watch him, completely at home in my little kitchen.

Fraser waits until I am cooking before returning to the subject that is hovering over us like that damned sword of whatever or whoever.

"So Ray, are you ready to talk?"

Ray's attention seems completely absorbed in the food. This new side of him the little frown creasing his forehead, the deft movements of his lean hands, as he cooks fascinates Fraser. This is always happening; his partner is never quite what he expects him to be.

"Yeah I guess." He adds some dried herbs to the sauce and tastes it.

"How about I tell you what Lieutenant Welsh told me?"

He needs to know but he can't be sure of the right question that will lever the lid off and start Ray talking.

"Na, it's okay Fraze. I'll quit stalling." He stirs the sauce again and turns the heat down under the pan. "That'll be alright for a bit."

Ray grabs a beer from the fridge and hands Fraser the bottled water. He finds a clean glass and pours the water into it. Somehow he has found the right key to unlock this particular Pandora's box but Fraser can't stop his hand from shaking slightly as he picks up the glass.

His companion braces himself against the counter, the lean muscles in his legs tightly outlined against the thin material of his sweats.

"I guess Welsh told ya, I was the one that blew the Narc team at the 23^rd outta the water a while back."

He is looking into the space over Fraser's right shoulder, barely blinking; his eyes muddied to the colour of old coffee.

"Your name was kept very quiet. I never heard any whispers about who was responsible."

Somehow Fraser keeps his voice very calm resisting the urge to shake some answers out of his friend. Ray is vibrating with tension and he doesn't want him to stop talking.

"Well, there was enough nasty shit going down for them to take me outta circulation for a while."

"Protective custody."

Fraser's voice is still so fucking calm as if we're discussing the weather or something. I can't tell what he is thinking, as if that is a new thing.

"Yeah, about 4 weeks, like being in jail."

I can feel myself start to shake and stiffen my shoulders. It helps but I am not sure I can hold it in for long.

Fraser's hand is on my shoulder, warm against my chilled skin, even through the papery cotton of my Tee. I lean into his touch and he squeezes gently.

He stays quiet and I have to look at him. I can't tell him anymore unless I know. I flick the last of the foil off my barely touched beer bottle and look up. Fraser's eyes are warm, slightly narrowed with concern but there is nothing of what I feared, what I thought I would see in his face.

He draws in a startled breath. "Oh Ray, is that what you thought?" His broad, blunt fingers slide along my jaw holding me in place.

"Ray, what you did was right and brave. I am so proud that you are my partner, my friend. Listen to me. I know what it is like, why do you think I am the Liaison Officer at the Consulate?"

I swallow my throat clenching. "Of course, Fraze. I shoulda thought."

"It's okay Ray. Just tell me the rest of it, please."

He releases my jaw, the broad pads of his fingertips scraping against my stubble. I hold in my shiver.

"I will Fraze."

Ray stirs the sauce and adds the pasta to the boiling water. All his attention seemingly on the food again. He takes a deep swallow of beer, his Adam's apple jumping in his throat.

"I transferred into the Central Narcotics team just after Stella and I finally split. She served me with divorce papers the day my transfer came through. I had done a stint in Vice for about eight months, mostly to avoid going home at night. Anyway once Stella and I were done I just wanted to get back to my real work. I needed to ya know."

Fraser just nods and looks at him. He can't risk saying anything, he is almost afraid that if he breathes too loudly he will spook Ray. His friend's voice is husky, a little catch rattling in his chest as he breathes. He is restless again, he moves away from Fraser, the quick movement almost frenetic.

"It was good to be back in the game ya know, the first few weeks were unbelievable. My partner and I busted a couple of big gangs. We had a lot of lucky breaks."

He takes another mouthful of beer and Fraser somehow manages to resist the temptation to snatch the bottle from him so that he can only talk.

"Something was finally going right for me for the first time in a year. I had known my partner on and off for years. Rick and I had been at the academy for together, we had sparred together. We were pretty close, back then. He even came to my wedding but ya know how it is we drifted apart, different precincts, he was single I was married."

He stops talking again to test the pasta and throw our dinner together. Fraser takes the plate he gives him and follows him out of the kitchen. Ray again sprawls in the chair and he sinks numbly onto the couch. The pasta smells wonderful but all he wants Ray to do is keep talking.

"I started to get my head together after a couple of months working with Rick. It was easier in a way now Stella and I were definitely over. I didn't see her much."

I stop and stare down at my plate, the smell of food almost too much for my twisting stomach.

"Probably less than I do now."

"Go, on Ray." Still nothing showing in that ice-cream voice.

"At least working was easier. I could concentrate again. I hated going home to an empty place and so I didn't go home much. I either worked or I was at the gym, I started boxing again, or I was in a bar."

I taste the food, it isn't bad but I can feel my stomach clenching as the food hits it. I put the plate down.

Fraser looks at Ray as the plate clicks down on the coffee table. He is rubbing his stomach, his brow wrinkled.

"This is very good Ray."

"Just not hungry anymore Fraze." He pulls one knee up against his chest, his hand stopping its comforting motion.

He stops looking at him and concentrates on the food. The next time he dares to look over Ray is smiling slightly but his eyes are flat and wide. Fraser nods encouragingly and it seems to do the trick.

"Anyway once my head cleared a little, I began to notice that things weren't quite right. Drugs going missing and cases folding when they shouldn't have. Too many major dealers operating as snitches, bad information. The whole thing stank. The worst of it was the money being flashed around by the other guys on the team. They were fairly discreet about it but just cos I dress like this doesn't mean I don't know expensive clothes when I see 'em. Stella always had very good taste."

He finishes the bottle of beer and jumps to his feet. He is almost at the refrigerator before Fraser realizes he has moved.

"Want anything Fraze?"

"No thank you, Ray."

Fraser has finished eating and is sitting on the floor by the chair when I come back with a fresh beer.

"So you gathered the evidence to take them down?"

"Yeah, I couldn't do anything else. I wasn't sure exactly who was involved and who wasn't but the evidence I got was enough to start IA investigating and they busted the whole squad."

His hand is back on my knee and I place my hand over the warm strength of his. I am so cold that his skin feels like it might burn me. I can't hold back the shiver this time. His other hand strokes my arm soothingly.

I swallow back the harsh sting in my throat and my voice only just doesn't croak.

"They whipped me into protective custody pretty quickly, after I got worked over by some friends of my team members."

"Other policemen?"

Fraser is shocked, for the first time since I started spilling my guts he looks angry, furious even. He turns his hand under mine and squeezes my fingers.

"Oh yeah."

I lower my eyes, looking anywhere except at Fraser and at our joined hands. I can't breathe and I drag air into my starved lungs. I have to finish the story now and I can't do that while I am looking at him. I can't look at him, I'm gonna disgrace myself fer fucking ever if I look at him. Just breathe, Kowalski.

"Rick was arrested wasn't he?" Fraser's voice is soft and as warm as his skin, none of the anger showing in his voice.

I nod; I can't talk past the rock in my throat. I swipe at my eyes with my free hand and take a few deep breaths until I can force some words out.

"Yeah, Rick was arrested with others. I heard about it while I was being watchdogged."

I clear my throat a little. "I didn't want to believe it, I had thought he was one of the clean ones. IA had the evidence and I had to accept it."

I slip my hand out of Fraser's and stand up. I need to be moving; I need to be away from him. I walk over to the window and stare out at the lights. It's easier with my back to Fraser.

"Just before I was released from custody Rick, he uh, shot himself."

I am tracing patterns on the windowpane, Rick's name I realize with a dull sorta shock. The pressure in my chest expands and I can barely choke out my next words.

"He left me a note, saying he was innocent. No-one else believed it but I did." I blink, my flayed eyelids stinging.

"Ray."

Fraser is on his feet and moving towards him before he knows it. The raw pain in his partner's voice is like nothing he has ever heard from him before, even when he was watching Stella and Orsini.

He turns round and holds up a hand, which looks like it might be shaking even at this distance. Fraser stops obediently, his stomach churning at the look in Ray's eyes and the tight twist of his mouth.

"Fraze, I need ta finish this. I spent weeks trying to find something, anything that would clear him but nothing. The trail was dead. I went to his funeral; his parents were there. I..."

He presses his hands against his eyes. "They blamed me, Fraze and they were right."

"Oh, Ray, it wasn't your fault." He moves closer now. He slides his hands carefully along the rasp of Ray's jaw and tilts his chin so that he has to look at him. "It wasn't."

He shakes his head, the small movement sensitizing the skin on Fraser's hands almost unbearably. He lets his hands drop as Ray closes his eyes and steps back.

"It felt like it was, it still does."

Fraser nods; he knows what I mean. He is just as good at guilt as I am.

I start pacing again, the sting at my eyes easing; the worst part is over now. I swallow; my throat is so dry.

"Anyway I bounced from precinct to precinct, no one wanted to partner me, no one wanted me on their team once they found out who I was."

I drink some beer but it doesn't help my throat is still as dry as dust.

"The final divorce papers arrived, and the offer to go undercover as Vecchio, on the same day. It was either that or quit. I don't know how to be anything but a cop Fraze."

"And you are a good one, Ray. One of the best I have ever worked with."

He is smiling, an odd little smile that I have never seen before, his eyes are gentle even though he is looking at me like Dief does when he is trying to steal my food.

I close my eyes again and when I open them Fraser's face is carefully blank.

"Ya bring out the best in me Fraze."

He smiles again, a real smile.

I grin at him, "And the worst sometimes." I add as what happened on the Henry Allen crawls back to the front of my mind as it always does, sooner or later. I am dreaming about it every night and it sneaks up on me at any, every, quiet moment.

Everything is way too shaky between us still, too much unsaid, too many things said. We are still partners and better friends than we were but things have changed and sometimes I almost wish I had walked away.

I sigh and glance at Fraser out of the corner of my eye; he is crouched next to Dief staring into space. He musta felt my attention move to him because he jumps up, smiling, the killer Mountie smile. I hate that smile, almost as much as I hate the perfect Mountie mask.

Fraser picks up the plates, raising an inquiring eyebrow at Ray as take his still full plate.

He shakes his head. "Let Dief have it."

He doesn't push the point; Ray's voice is so weary and beaten that he just can't. Dief follows him and he catches Ray's little smile as he puts the plate down for the wolf. It won't hurt Diefenbaker just this once and it's worth it to see the awful tension vanish from his friend's face.

"I need to ring Lieutenant Welsh and let him know you're safe. Is that okay, Ray?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Ray yawns and half closes his eyes, deep grooves marking the corners of his mouth. He raises his eyebrows when Fraser retrieves the cell phone from his pocket and dials Welsh's cell phone number.

"Sir, Constable Fraser."

"Constable, thank God. Is he with you? Did you find him?"

"Yes, he is, we're in his apartment."

"Listen to me, Francis knows where you are. He got the address from an old contact. We have a team on the way, I need you hang on there. This maybe our best chance to get him."

"I understand. Yes, Sir. Do you want to talk to him?"

He hands the phone to Ray; he frowns as he takes it.

"Ray here."

The slightly trapped look in his eyes deepens as he listens to Welsh. "Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. I had some personal stuff..."

"Yes, Sir. I will."

He is smiling a little as he finishes the call. Fraser doesn't want to wipe that smile off his face but equally he can't keep him in the dark.

I hang up and glance over at Fraser. He is standing my bedroom doorway still wearing the Mountie mask and rubbing his eyebrow. I feel my stomach swirl and settle again, the knots tightening.

He flushes as he catches me watching him. I am not sure I wanna know what Welsh said to him but I can guess and if I am right I am off the hook. I snag another beer from the 'fridge and then put it back.

"Do ya want some tea, Fraze, I'm gonna have some coffee."

"That might be a very good idea Ray." Fraser's voice is very serious and he looks worried.

"Okay, Fraze, spill. What did Welsh say?"

I grab some mugs and start making the drinks.

"Oh dear, I am not sure I should..."

"Don't bother Fraze, I can guess. Francis is on his way here and they're gonna use me as bait."

"Ray..."

There's a faint edge to Fraser's voice but I am too swept up to do more than notice it.

"Na, that's good, real good. If I can get to mess with that sneaky son of bitch's head... no this is greatness Fraze."

Fraser moves over to me swiftly and takes the kettle I am waving wildly out of my hand.

"You were looking for Francis today weren't you?"

His voice sounds strange, strange enough to drag me outta my gloating. He is angry, absolutely fucking furious. He is glaring at me, his face red and he is gripping my upper arm tightly, his fingers are like steel bands round my bicep.

"Hey Fraze." I put my free hand on his tense shoulder but he shakes it off.

"How could you do something like that? Why would you go looking for a man who is trying to kill you with no backup? "

Fraser is shouting, shouting at me, shaking me.

I stare at him for a few seconds, feeling a weird urge to laugh. And then my mouth is open and words are spilling out.

"Oh, Jesus Christ, that's almost fucking funny coming from Mr. throw myself into the line of fire, walk up to men with loaded guns at every fucking chance, Fraser."

I am nose to nose with the Mountie and he is not backing away. I stare him down and at last he takes his hands off my shoulders.

"Ray I er..."

"Just leave it Fraze."

I draw in a deep breath and move myself carefully outta Fraser's range. Even when I had slugged him and we were smashing our partnership up I had never seen him like this.

He is gripping the counter like he might fall over if he loosens even a finger. His face pales then flushes darkly and pales again as he stares me. I move closer to him and put my hand on his arm. He is shaking.

"It's okay, Fraze. Honest, no harm done."

I run my hand up and down the tense muscles and suddenly he sags, all the tension in his body letting go at once. I sling my arm around his shoulders and ease him down until he is sitting on the floor, he is almost a dead weight and not for the first time I envy him the extra 20 or so pounds he has on me.

He rests his head in his hands for a moment and then lifts it.

"I'm sorry Ray." He is blinks rapidly and sniffs.

He is so pale, that I half wonder what I will do if he passes out on me.

"No harm done, Fraze. None at all."

"Ray, I should..."

"Just leave it Fraze. This whole thing has got us both so stirred up."

We sit there for a few minutes, neither of us daring to look at each other.

After a little while Ray stands up, Fraser is almost glad he can't feel the warmth of his lean body next to him. He might be able to stop shaking without that. Ray is making the drinks like nothing has happened. He can't quite believe that his quick-tempered partner has let what just happened go so easily.

"I wasn't just looking for that son of a bitch ya know. I was kinda hoping that his escape mighta stirred some memories."

He really has let it go that easily and Fraser's trembling body can't resist the surge of warmth that is running through it. He looks up cautiously, Ray is looking down at him with a small smile and somehow he finds a suitable reply

"Ah, anything turn up?"

"Na, complete waste of time."

He is making some tea and finally holds out a mug. Fraser stands up, his legs shaking but he doesn't stumble, as he is half-afraid he might. He takes the tea in a vague daze.

"I didn't find Francis and no-one was talking."

I sip my coffee, cradling the mug in my hands for a moment. It is a hot muggy night but I have been cold almost since I got outta the shower.

Fraser's head is tilted to one side and he is watching me with a faintly puzzled air.

"Can I ask you something, Ray?"

"Yeah, sure."

I move back to the chair, I need to sit down, somewhere near my guns. It looks like being a long night and the faint prickle on the back of my neck that's been there since we spoke to Welsh is getting stronger.

"Why the disguise? I thought you hated contacts."

I stare at him, feeling my mouth fall open. I hadn't expected that question. Sometimes I wish that the Mountie wasn't so fucking oblique, he keeps me on edge constantly. I slowly close my mouth and find an answer in my scrambled brain.

"That was Mario."

"What?" Fraser actually splutters tea out of his mouth. He wipes his chin with that peace flag he carries round as a handkerchief.

I bite back a grin; it's so good to get a curveball past him once in a while.

"Mario was a small time dealer I used as a cover whilst I was at the 23^rd."

"Ah, I see..."

"Ssh!"

I raise one hand; the faint noise I thought I had heard outside the apartment wasn't just in my over jumpy head.

Fraser's heard it too and at my signal he moves back into the bedroom with the cell phone. Dief follows him. I dim the lights and move across to wait beside the door. A few seconds later the locks are shot off and the bolts kicked in.

"Not that easy Francis." I have my gun pressed to his temple as soon as he stops in the doorway.

"Ya way outta practice but then you were never interested in taking people down were ya? Drop it."

He moves his elbow back but I press the gun warningly into his skin.

"Don't even think about it!"

He moves as if to place the gun on the floor but brings his foot up and back into my knee cap, with a sickening crunch. I feel my knee unlock and clench my jaw against the bright burn of pain. I stagger back and he slams a hard punch into my stomach. I double over fighting to breathe. I straighten just enough to kick the gun out of his hand forgetting my knee. I swallow back the acid burn in my throat.

He waits until I am almost upright and then swings me into the wall. I slide down to floor with a groan and he is on me, my arms trapped beneath his massive thighs. I barely hang onto my gun. He has at least coupla inches on me and the time inside has turned the 30 or 40 pounds of flab advantage he had into muscle. I try to buck and dislodge him but his hands are tight around my throat and I can feel blackness swirling at the edge of my eyes.

"Drop it, Kowalski." He bangs my head against the floor. I bite my tongue to keep myself conscious.

"No chance, Francis. Ya gonna hafta take it from me." I manage to gasp out.

I tighten my grip on the butt as best I can, where the fuck is Fraser or for that matter Welsh. Suddenly I can sorta breathe again; the air is burning into my lungs. Francis is slumped over me, a completely dead weight. Fraser is standing over us, the remains of an empty whisky bottle in his hands. My hair is damp, Francis's back is soaking and the whole place stinks like a fucking distillery.

"Thanks, Fraze. My cuffs are on the table."

I can't understand myself but Fraser seems to.

"Of course, Ray."

I ease myself cautiously free of Francis's body but not carefully enough. My hands are bright red and slick by the time I am free of him.

Fraser is clicking the cuffs into place as a SWAT team followed by Welsh burst through the remains of the door.

"Party's over, Sir."

My voice is still barely recognizable. I sound like I smoke forty a day which hasn't been true for a long time, well never really.

"So I see. Get him outta here and get the EMT up here now. Jeez you stink Ray."

"Blame the Mountie, he leads me astray."

I glance down at the mangled mass of glass and paper at my feet and groan.

"Aw shit, Fraser ya had to pick the really good stuff didn't ya?" Shit my throat hurts.

Ray is swaying slightly on his feet, his bright red hands held out for balance. "Ray I don't think..."

"S'okay, I'm a cheap scotch kinda guy anyway." Fraser has to smile as Ray winks at him.

Ray is talking to the Lieutenant in the low, croak that is all he seems to be able to manage at the moment. He takes the chance to look at him properly. There are purple finger marks on the smooth golden throat but they don't look too bad, there does not appear to be any swelling. His eyes aren't bloodshot and there is no additional bruising on his face. Fraser needs to see what damage Ray has done; or rather he has done to his partner's hands. He should have found something else other than that bottle.

Before he can force his feet to move the EMT medics arrive. He moves closer so that he can determine the full extent of his partner's injuries as they examine him. Ray has a distressing tendency to make light of these matters. Ray's hands are not that badly cut despite all the blood, there are only two deep gashes and only one of them on the left hand needs butterfly stitches. They bandage his left hand, leaving only his fingertips free despite his low voiced threats and curses. His throat and knee are just bruised and will recover in a few days they assure him before they leave to take Francis to the hospital.

"Well, I'm off. Ray, you give your statement when you get in tomorrow but don't rush it. Looks like you'll be desk bound until those heal anyway. Give Francesa time to find you enough paperwork, okay!"

The Lieutenant is standing in the doorway.

"Okay, Sir."

"And guys, good job, very good job." Welsh leaves smiling broadly.

Ray stares after him with a concerned frown and then Fraser realizes abruptly that he is looking at the damaged door to his apartment. Now this he can fix for him

"Don't worry about it Ray. I'll sort it."

Ray's landlady will have heard the disturbance and no doubt will be able to assist in this matter. He follows Lieutenant Welsh out of the apartment.

I sweep up the remaining bits of glass as best as I can with one hand and flop down on the couch. Dief pads out from the bedroom and lies down on the floor next to me.

"What a fucking night, eh Dief?" I rub my good hand through his thick fur and surrender to a face-cracking yawn.

I close my eyes and pull my arm over my face as I hear Fraser return with Ralph. I listen to them as they secure the door as best they can. My skin feels too tight and my heart is pounding in chest. I haven't been this fucking scared since Stella.... Oh don't do that man. I bite back a groan.

I can feel Fraser looking over at me as Ralph leaves, but I don't move. Fraser is beside me now. I can feel the heat of him as he sits on the floor beside the sofa.

"Ray, are you okay? His hand scorches my arm as he grips it.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I don't move my arm or open my eyes.

"Ray. Look at me."

He isn't going to leave me alone, we have hit the edge of the cliff tonight and Fraser wants to take us both off it.

"I'm not off the hook, am I?"

I tuck my arm behind head and open my eyelids enough to see his face.

"I think we have got past that, if I am right that it is." Fraser sighs and loses his slight confident smile.

"Yeah, yer right Fraze."

I can't play the game anymore. We have been dancing around each other since the moment we met and I am more than sick of it, I have been sick of it for weeks.

"Really?" His eyes are wide like he hadn't expected that answer but he is smiling, really smiling.

"Yes! You Benton Fraser are right."

I sit up properly. I can't stop looking at him; he looks so young and happy. The twists in my guts are unraveling in the warmth flooding my belly at the look on his face. I am hard as a rock and he hasn't even touched me yet.

He reaches forward, tracing the line of my cheekbone with one finger. I close my eyes against the bright spark of pleasure that ignites my spine. Just from that one simple touch. Oh Jesus, my stomach tightens in pure panic for a moment. Hey Kowalski, you want this, you've wanted this forever, just go for it.

"Come up here."

Fraser moves up onto the couch beside Ray.

"Your voice sounds much better."

He can't look at him, Ray's eyes are wide and dark almost the same colour as his skin in the lamplight. He shouldn't do this. He shouldn't have pushed this tonight of all nights.

"Fuck that."

Breathy determined and Fraser can feel his whole body responding to the edge in that voice.

Ray is closer now, sliding his hand along Fraser's jaw and turning his head towards his own. He is lowering his mouth, so very slowly, warm breath tickling Fraser's lips. He tries to move his head away but he can't resist this, anymore. Ray's mouth is so soft against his, barely touching his lips. He shivers and Fraser has to hold him. He pulls the lean man close against him and scrapes his teeth over that sulky lower lip. He needs to taste him.

Fraser's teeth are sharp against my lower lip and his tongue slides smoothly over mine. I am almost afraid to open my eyes in case he's not really there, almost afraid. I groan and pull back, slightly. I have to see him.

His eyes are dark and dazed and his pale face flushed.

"Oh, Christ Ben you look..."

Why did we leave this so long? How did I not to do this before? I run a finger over his lush lower lip and he pulls into it his mouth, sucking and licking at the tip. I close my eyes at the instant image of that mouth on my cock but it is burnt into my brain.

I push him backwards fiercely; I can't be gentle anymore. I straddle him, feeling his erection hot and hard through his jeans. He pulls me hard against him, his fingers digging cruelly into my hips. I rock forwards, rubbing against him, the friction burning the hairs on the back of my neck. I am moaning low in my throat as I bite the long, white line of his throat.

Fraser tugs at the edge of the thin T-shirt that Ray is wearing. Ray stops grinding against him and lifts up so that Fraser can pull it over his head. He sweeps his hands over his smooth, lean back feeling the muscles flex as Ray's back arches at his touch. He is suddenly greedy for more, needs to touch more of the smooth, taut skin. He runs his fingers down the firm lines of Ray's shoulders to the tense muscles of his chest. He traces the round curve of his flesh and brushes his nails against the puckered tissue of his nipples. That lean back arches impossibly further and Ray utters a sharp cry.

Ray pulls at the edge of Fraser's Henley, his hands trembling against the smooth sides of Fraser's waist as he pushes it up. He rubs his long fingers over the ridge of his stomach muscles and Fraser sucks in a shaking breath.

"Get this off, now." Voice low and raw in a way that is nothing to do with the mistreatment his throat suffered earlier.

Fraser sits up, pushing the heat of his erection hard against Ray. They both freeze for a moment at the jolt and then Fraser can move again and take off his shirt. Ray's eyelids flicker and then he is looking at him. Fraser could stay still forever as long as he could look into those eyes. The pupils are huge, surrounded by a faint thin line of green, gold and blue.

Ben's skin is smooth, flushed and so fucking hot. His back arches as I brush his nipples. I lean into towards his collarbone but his hands are twisting in my hair dragging my mouth to his, the kiss flares from gentle to brutal as soon as our lips touch. My hands are gripping his shoulders mercilessly, the sharp pain in my left hand anchoring me slightly against the sway of the room around me.

The kiss gentles slightly and I slide my hands down his chest to his nipples. His breath hisses out as I twist them between my fingertips and he makes a low keening noise in his throat. I trail kisses over his jaw line before returning to his swollen mouth. He tastes so good, so fresh despite the day we've had. This time we kiss slowly, long, drugging kisses that turn me inside out.

Ben isn't kissing me back anymore; somehow that makes through my dazed brain. I sit back.

"What's up Ben?"

His eyes are shut, and his face is as pale as I ever seen it. His chest is heaving with his struggle to breathe and he is shaking his head.

Feeling sick I move off him, wincing as my knee unfreezes.

"Ssh, tell me. What is it?"

"I can't..." His eyes flicker open, full of pain.

"What? Tell me."

I run a finger over the back of his hand. He flinches and I snatch my finger back like its been burnt.

He stands, "I just can't do this Ray."

His tone is cool and formal, like someone has flicked a switch and he is back in Mountie mode. He grabs his shirt and pulls it over his head.

"Ben...Fraze. What did I do?"

I back away from him, my body shaking.

"Nothing, it's not you. It's me."

He has his uniform jacket on now.

"Don't leave." I hate the break in my voice.

"I have to Ray."

"No."

Ray leans back against the door, blocking Fraser's exit.

"You are not going anywhere, tell me what's wrong."

His jaw is set and that little vein is throbbing in his forehead but his voice is gentle.

Fraser shakes his head. "Don't do this Ray. I have to go."

"Tell me, please. I can't, I won't let you leave like this."

He sighs and moves back to the couch to pick up Ray's sweatpants.

"Put these on."

Fraser throws them over to him and Ray catches them and wriggles into them almost in one movement. That's almost worse than looking at him naked.

He squints over at me. "You gonna talk Fraze."

"You aren't going to let me off the hook are you?"

A faint grin curves his mouth. "My Mom's always told me to finish what I start, Fraze."

He moves away from the door, slowly, his eyes never leaving my face.

"That's just it I should never have started this tonight. I should never have started this at all."

Fraser can feel his face flushing and looks down.

"Fraze, this didn't start tonight. I think it started in a burning car or in a crypt or a sinking ship or somewhere else along the way."

Fraser raises his head startled. Ray is crouched next to him, eyes glittering in the lamplight, the look on his face far more uncertain than his words.

"I er, I know you're right Ray. It isn't just tonight. I am just not sure I can do this again."

He breathes in and nods once. "You and Vecchio."

It isn't really a question but Fraser answers it anyway.

"Yes, how did you know?"

"I guess I always did, your body language when we first met. You were so obviously knocked out by finding me instead of your partner. I wasn't sure for a long time or I didn't want to think."

His voice trails off and Fraser can feel Ray looking at him but can't look up.

Ray sits next to him on the couch but is careful not to touch him.

"So what are ya telling me here Fraser, that yer in love with Vecchio, cos that's O.K. It won't make a difference, we'll still be partners, buddies, right?"

His voice is tight and hoarse. The slim body next to Fraser's is tense and shaking.

Fraser sighs and at last has to look up.

"That's just it Ray, I don't know what I feel any more. Tonight will make a difference."

Ray's face is so still, brow wrinkled as he stares at him. Fraser bites his lip and struggles on.

"It already has, I cared, care, a great deal for Ray Vecchio, he was my friend, my partner and you well you're...."

He buries his head in his hands.

I stare at the dark hair and broad, pale fingers, which is all I can see of Fraser's face at the moment.

"I, I..."

I draw in a deep breath and try again.

"I know I am not him. I don't wanna try and replace him like this but I thought. I guess I was wrong. But we can get past this Fraze. Look at everything else we've come through."

Fraser lifts his head, a few tears still sliding down his face. He swallows and sniffs.

"Oh, Ray, Ray, Ray. That's not what I meant at all. Oh dear I am not very good at this."

"Just tell me, for fuck's sake Fraze. I don't care how you word it. Spit it out, yer killing me here." I swallow back the bright burn in my throat.

"Ah, yes well. I'm..."

His face is scarlet and part of me is watching him wondering if his heart is in good nick.

"You are not a substitute for Ray Vecchio, not in this way or anything. I have never thought of you in that way. It's just that I didn't expect to feel so much. When we were uh, it was intense and I...."

I get it all of a sudden and have to put the stammering, scarlet man out his misery.

"Yer running scared. It's OK Fraze. I can wait. There is something to wait for isn't there?"

"Yes, I think so."

Fraser reaches for him but Ray is no longer sitting beside him. He is standing facing the couch, smiling slightly. He nods and Fraser feels all tension leaving his body in one big rush. The confusion in his brain melts away and he knows exactly how he feels about the slim man frowning down at him.

He puts out his hand and takes one of Ray's; twining his fingers through his partner's thin callused fingers. He rubs his thumb lightly over the back of the hand he is holding, the fine golden skin so much softer than he would have imagined.

Ray's breath catches at the touch and he puts his free hand on Fraser's shoulder, squeezing lightly.

"C'mon Fraze, tell me."

"Ray, I know there is something to wait for. I just need some time." Fraser stops abruptly, feeling faintly ridiculous. He sounds like someone out of a TV movie or one of those books that Francesa reads so often.

Ray smiles his shy, wide smile. "Oh God, Ben."

He gives a funny little gasp and moves his hand to Fraser's jaw. He presses his fingers to Fraser's stubble, not holding, just touching. He bends down and touches his lips to Fraser's, not demanding or pushing, just touching.

Fraser touches his tongue to Ray's lips and the kiss changes. Ray's tongue sweeps into his mouth, gliding over his teeth, with delicate little flickers. His lips are still soft against Fraser's. He needs more contact that this, he slides his free hand into Ray's hair and deepens the kiss slowly. He captures Ray's tongue, sucking on it slowly.

His partner eases back from the kiss.

"Enough, Fraze, enough. I could kiss ya all night but I wouldn't wanna stop there and right now that's a really dumb idea."

His fingers are tracing the line of Fraser's cheekbone and his eyes are gentle and rueful all at once.

Fraser leans forward and brushes his lips against that sulky mouth. "You're right Ray."

"I know I am."

The corners of Ray's mouth quirk and he sits down next to Fraser on the sofa. He is quiet and Fraser might almost think he was asleep if it wasn't for the little squeezes of the long callused fingers against his own. Fraser feels the last of the tension in his shoulders slipping away and leans back against the couch.

"Fraze!"

One long fingered hand waves in front of his face.

"Ya spacing, c'mon."

The hand moves down to his arm and Ray is tugging him to his feet. He steers him across his apartment towards the bedroom.

"What are you doing Ray?"

"Putting ya to bed."

"That's really not necessary."

"Yes it is, I'm not having ya sleep walk across Chicago. Ya can't take His Fuzziness in a cab, so y'll sleep here."

"I can sleep on the floor or the couch." Fraser pulls his arm free as the two men reach the bedroom door.

"Listen Fraze, we both had a long day. The couch ain't big enough and the bed is. The sheets are even clean. I don't let guests sleep on the floor, it's policy."

"It is?"

"Yeah. Sides I told ya I'll wait if that's what yer worried about."

"I'm not Ray."

Fraser smiles and looks past him through the bedroom door. The bed is big; there is more than room for both of them. Nevertheless he can't do this how ever much he wants to wake up next to Ray.

"Just as well really, cos I doubt I could fulfill any requests at the moment, however mild."

He yawns so widely that Fraser wonders for a surreal moment whether his jaw is hinged at the back of his head.

"Sorry, Fraze. Think I am gonna crash soon."

Fraser takes a good look at Ray, his golden skin is looking faintly gray and the bones of his face are very obvious.

"Ray, I am going to sleep on the floor."

"Yer not. It's not allowed."

"Please I know there is room enough for both of us but nevertheless I must insist on taking the floor."

"Fraze, I'm too tired to argue with you. It is the bed or the bed."

Fraser shrugs and gives in, Ray is quite capable of arguing with him all night. He can't let that happen, his friend is almost asleep on his feet.

"Alright Ray, the bed it is." He turns towards the bathroom.

"Spare toothbrush in the cabinet Fraze."

Another jaw cracking yawn almost swallows his name.

Fraser is in bed when I eventually crawl out of the bathroom. He has guessed that I sleep on side nearest the window with the Mountie voodoo that he always seems to have for when logic runs out. He is lying on his back, sheets pulled up around his T-shirt clad shoulders, eyes firmly closed. I wonder whether I should put a T-shirt on but it is hot and I am almost roasting as it dressed just in boxers. I grin to myself, for the first time tonight I feel normal.

I climb into bed, and there is plenty of room to sprawl out. Fraser is contained even when he is sleeping or trying to. I glance over but his eyes are firmly shut. I switch off the lamp.

"Night, Fraze."

I am in that drifty, half sleep place when Fraze suddenly whispers.

"Ray, can I ask you something?"

"Hmm."

"Were you and Rick? Did you um?

"Yeah at the Academy and when we teamed up again. How did ya pick up on that one?

"Body language Ray, body language."

The hint of mischief in his voice is the last thing I hear as sleep rolls over my head.