Once upon a time, there was a frog. Now, this frog had been a prince, but only through marriage - he'd married a beautiful princess, but that's another story, and fairly messy, so we won't go there right now. He wasn't a prince anymore, which depressed him because he'd forgotten that he was a very special frog. After all, only special frogs get to marry princesses in the first place.

This frog led a fairly solitary life on his little one-bedroom lily pad. It wasn't that he was an antisocial frog, he liked people, but most of his friends had started avoiding him after the divorce. But like I said, we won't go there.

One day, the frog had turned on his stereo and was dancing to a beautiful, melancholy tune, when a prince came riding along in his dogsled. Now, this prince was a realio-trulio prince, with a Stetson-crown and a bright red princely serge suit and an honest-to-goodness Faithful Companion. We won't mention the Companion's sweet tooth or his alleged deafness, as the Faithful Companion's Guild has not had the best of luck in screening its guildmembers. Fortunately, the prince liked his Companion, for all their friendly bickering. But I digress.

When the prince saw the frog dancing on his lily pad, he stopped and stared. Not because he was rude, oh, no, not this prince! Nor because the frog was a particularly beautiful frog, although he was. Nor even because he was an extra-special nice frog - not even princes can tell that at first glance. No, the prince stopped and stared because it's not every day you see a frog *dancing*.

Eventually the frog noticed he had an audience and stopped dancing. When he saw who was there, he started staring too! Not because he was rude, oh, no, no matter what the divorce papers say! Nor because the prince was a very handsome prince, although he was. Nor because he was a very special prince with a penchant for helping gentle-beings in distress, although the frog had heard things. No, the frog stopped and stared because it's not every day you see a prince on a dogsled. Especially next to a frog pond, I mean, come on.

When he realized the frog had stopped dancing, the prince dismounted from his dogsled and introduced himself to the frog. To which the frog replied: "Yeah, yeah, yer a prince. Greatness. But why a dogsled?"

The prince fidgeted a bit, then replied that his home was rather on the cold side, and while he could ride, it was much more comfortable and certainly warmer to go to sleep whilst surrounded by sled's worth of dogs than a single horse, and it was terribly difficult to igloo-train caribou.

Ignoring the Companion's snide remarks on the parentage of the caribou that the prince had tried to igloo-train, the prince attempted to redirect the conversation, and asked the frog where he'd learned to dance. The frog replied that he'd gone through a prince's finishing school before he'd married his princess, and he'd learned dancing and other princely things there.

Now, the prince had not had the opportunity to go to a prince's finishing school, as they were not available in his native land. Caribou galore, igloo-training notwithstanding, but due to the decided lack of princes, there were no schools. And as a result, he had all the rhythm of a block of wood. Happily, though, he was not the type of prince to become jealous, and was instead very glad for the frog to have had that sort of education.

They continued to talk of finishing schools and the frozen north, (They did avoid the topic of caribou, after the Companion finished grousing in favor of hunting crickets.) and as they talked, the prince realized something. Even though the frog had married a princess, and one would assume, kissed said princess, he had not been changed into a beautiful prince.

Being the nosy sort, the prince wanted to ask about this. However, being the excruciatingly polite sort, he didn't. Instead, the two struck up a friendship, and the frog decided to leave his lilypad and travel with the prince, his Companion and the dogsled.

They had only traveled a little while when they came to a very large river. The dogs were able to swim across, led by the Companion, and the dogsled floated handily across as well. (It was an inflatable dogsled, if you *must* know.) The frog, however, was very nervous. He had never been this far from home, and he wasn't a terribly good swimmer. In addition, the river was very wide and very wet. (Well, that last bit goes without saying.)

Nevertheless, the frog started swimming, the prince right behind him. Bloom, close, and he very nearly kicked the prince in the head several times, so close was the prince to him. About halfway across, though, he started having trouble keeping up. After all, he was a small frog, and the river was very wide.

Thankfully, the prince was right behind him, and he scooped up the frog and carried him to the far shore. Once there, he laid the poor frog on the green grass and leaned over to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

As soon as his lips touched the frog's, (Not that frogs have lips... Um, yes, I'll shut up now) the frog coughed and changed into a beautiful prince. He was a rather nice looking prince, with a crown of wheat gold hair and lots of other nice parts that the prince (not the former frog, the other one) rather appreciated.

The frog, excuse me, former frog looked up into the eyes of the prince. He didn't fall deeply in love at that point, oh no, he was far gone long before. But now he had real lips, and so he reached up and pulled the prince down into a real kiss.

The prince, before he started appreciating the former frog's other nice parts (he really liked the lips), decided that he really didn't care why the frog had had to wait for a prince to come along and kiss him instead of a princess, and they'd look up their local wise woman at a later date if it ever occurred to them, and applied himself to the former frog's lips.

And they rolled around on the grass and made love and spent the rest...

"Wait just a minute there, Fraser!"

"Yes, Ray?"

"Who in the heck gives a frog mouth-to-mouth?"

"Apparently I do."

"Oh. Wanna lay another on me?"

"Certainly, Ray."

And they lived happily ever after.

The End

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