(Standard, all-purpose disclaimer) All pre-existing characters are the property of the creators and producers of "Due South." No copyright infringement is intended. All new characters and situations are the sole property and responsibility of the author.
m/m relationship, nothing explicit. But there are a few Bad Words ...
Let's rate this one PG.
I've created a monster! I wrote two pieces called "Sunrise" and "Sunset" which were supposed to go together, and I thought that would be the end of it. That was before some of you (i.e., Desi and Gloria) gave me suggestions for sequels ... I don't know how long it's going to go on (so far I've got titles for five stories after this one), but I think all of them will be able to stand alone. Unless I change my mind.
By the way ... a while ago on one of the Drabbles on DSX, we agreed that Mrs. Vecchio deserved a first name, which I, in my usual high- handed way, decreed would be Silvia. I've used it throughout this story ... there's no basis for it in any of the episodes, but since when has that bothered me?
by Katrina Bowen
Ben got his jacket out of the closet. Diefenbaker, who'd been ready for the past fifteen minutes, was already laying in front of the door. "All right, I'm ready to go -- Ray? Are you all right?" His lover was still sitting on the couch, staring fixedly into space. Concerned, Ben crossed the room in three strides and sat beside him. "Ray?" He gently took hold of Ray's loosely folded hands. They were freezing, which worried Ben even more.
A little startled, Ray looked up. Twisting his fingers into Ben's, he tried to smile. "I'm fine, Benny."
"I don't think so, Ray. Please, talk to me. I know your mother is expecting us for dinner at noon, but I need to know what's bothering you." He could tell that Ray was going to object, but he overrode the protest before it got started. "You've been tied up in knots about something for days now. And you haven't said ten words since you got here, so I *know* something is bothering you. Whatever it is, it affects me too."
Ray pulled his hands away and covered his face. "I'm not bothered. I'm just trying to decide something, okay?" He sighed and looked at Ben. "But yeah, you're right. It does affect you." In a rush, he said, "I think it's time I told Ma about you and me. Maria and Tony took the kids to the Wisconsin Dells for the week, and Frannie's working today, and I thought it'd be easier to tell Ma first and then the girls -- " He stopped and took a deep breath. "I know I should've talked it over with you before I decided anything. This is about both of us, but -- well, I just think it's time."
It wasn't easy, but Ben managed to keep from grinning. He just nodded and caught Ray's hands in his again, holding them tightly, giving Ray time to understand that this was what he wanted and had been waiting for. When he felt Ray relax a little and squeeze his hands in return, Ben said softly, "You're sure about this?"
"Yeah. I'm sure about us. I'm sure about how much I love you. And I'm sure that it's time my family knew about us." He shrugged a little, and his green eyes clouded over again. "I'm just not sure how Ma's gonna take it, ya know? I mean, she really likes you and all, but ..." he trailed off.
"But not as her son's lover?"
"Something like that, yeah."
"And you still want to tell her about us?"
Ray nodded and looked steadily at Ben. "Yeah."
"Ray --" Ben stopped to consider his words carefully. It was difficult to conceal how he felt for Ray when they were around others, and he'd been looking forward to the day when they could at least act naturally around those closest to them -- which, Ben had to admit, meant those closest to *Ray*, since he had no relatives or close friends within several hundred miles. At the same time, he realized the high price that Ray might have to pay for their honesty. "Ray, I never had much of a family, but I know how much your family means to you, and I'm not sure if I want you to risk your relationship with them because of me. I know how unhappy it would make you if they said they couldn't accept our being together."
"To tell you the truth, Benny, I'm not that happy now with them *not* knowing." Ray let go of Ben's hands, stood and went to the window. Not looking at Ben, he said, "It's so hard sometimes. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I've gotta be so careful about what I say about you to them. And I don't like feeling that way. So I think I'd rather just tell them and deal with whatever happens than keep on going like this. You're the most important part of my life, Benny, and I don't know if it's ever gonna happen, but I'd like it if my family accepted you. I've got to at least try to make them understand how I feel about you. Besides, they're probably starting to wonder about us, and ... I know this is stupid, but I really think I'd rather tell them before one of them asks *me*, you know?" Ray finally wound down, and turned to see how his speech had been received.
Ben joined Ray at the window. "I know." He wrapped his arms around Ray and held him, trying to lend him whatever strength he could. Ray sighed and closed his eyes; he leaned against Fraser, grateful for the support. Ben tried to think of some way to tell Ray how much it meant that he was willing to risk his family's disapproval for his sake. In the end, he just kissed him, and that seemed to say it all.
After a few moments, Ray pulled away. "Come on, Benny. If we stay here much longer, I'm gonna start talking myself out of going through with this."
"All right." They walked to the door, and Ben added, "Besides, your mother would probably forgive us for being lovers before she'd forgive us for being late to dinner."
"You're learning, Benny ..."
**********************************************************************
Ray pulled into the driveway. For a minute or so he and Ben sat in the Riv, not speaking. Dief sighed and laid down again on the back seat. Finally, Ben reached over and took Ray's hand, still on the steering wheel. "Are you *sure* you want to go through with this? I don't want you doing this if you really aren't prepared."
Ray looked over, a rueful smile on his face. "Will it get any easier if we put it off another couple of months?"
"I doubt it."
"Let's do it now, then." Quietly he added, "I don't think I could do this if it wasn't for you."
"Well, technically speaking, Ray, if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't *have* to do it."
"Don't confuse the issue, Benny. This will be tough enough as it is." But he leaned over and kissed Ben quickly as he said it. "Come on."
They got out and went up the walkway. As Ray started to open the door, Ben laid a hand on Ray's shoulder. "Wait. There's something I want to tell you first." He smiled reassuringly at the apprehensive look on Ray's face. "Don't worry, Ray. I was just going to say ... well, I wish there was some way I could make this easier for you."
"You are. You're here." Straightening his spine, Ray opened the door and led the way inside. Dief slipped past him and hurried into the kitchen.
By the time they hung up their coats and caught up with him, Dief was already sitting at attention by the stove. Mrs. Vecchio handed the wolf a cookie from a box on the counter next to her. "And here's something for my favorite dog."
Ben gave Dief a stern look, which was blithely ignored, as Ray leaned over to kiss his mother on the cheek. "Hi, Ma. I keep telling you, he's a wolf."
"Whatever you say, caro," she said tolerantly. Mrs. Vecchio leaned around Ray to smile widely at Fraser. "Hello, Benton. It's good to see you."
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Vecchio --" he caught himself at her chiding, affectionate shake of the head. "I'm sorry, Silvia." Even though she'd been telling him for months to call her by her first name, he still found it a little difficult ... more so today than usual. Casting about desperately for a neutral topic of conversation, he said, "Those are nice curtains. Are they new?"
Silvia smiled. "No, no, the same curtains I've had for a while now. But I'm glad you like them." She nodded toward one of the cabinets. "Why don't you two set the table while I finish up in here? Dinner will be ready in a few minutes."
Without looking at Ben, Ray counted out silverware and went into the dining room. Ben hurriedly got down three plates and followed him. Ray was standing by the table, separating spoons, knives and forks into tidy piles, his back stiff with anger. Ben joined him and whispered, "Ray? What's wrong?"
Ray still didn't look up. "Curtains?"
Ben shrugged. "I'm sorry. I'm a little nervous -- I've never been in a situation quite like this before."
"Yeah, well, neither have I, but I don't think it's mandatory to start discussing curtains when you decide to come out of the closet to your mother, okay?"
"Understood, Ray." Ben started to set the plates out.
"Benny --" Ray grabbed Ben's wrist. "Benny, I'm sorry. I guess I'm a lot more worried than I thought. I didn't mean to bite your head off." He shook his head, and with an anxious look towards the door he said, "It's just that now that I made up my mind to tell Ma, I can't decide if I should do it now and spoil her appetite, or during dinner and spoil the meal, or after dinner and spoil the rest of her day."
"Or maybe it won't spoil anything." At Ray's disbelieving snort, Ben went on, "I'm quite serious. There's every chance that this will go much better than you think, isn't there?"
"Yeah, or a whole lot worse." Ray began fidgeting with the silverware again. "I just think we'd better face that this will probably change everything."
Ben leaned against the table. "Ray, why do you always expect that the worst possible thing will happen?"
"Because usually, that's exactly what --"
They both turned around as the front door opened and slammed shut again. "I couldn't put up with it anymore, Ma, so I'm taking the rest of the day off --" Frannie came into the dining room, and her face lit up when she saw Fraser. "Oh ... hi. I didn't know you were going to be here, Ben. I'm just going to go talk to Ma for a minute --" she edged her way into the kitchen.
"Oh dear," Ben breathed.
Ray pulled out a chair and sat down heavily. He stared up at Ben with an odd expression that mingled dismay, uncertainty, and morose satisfaction that he'd been proved right. "See what I mean?" He rested his head on his hand.
Ben sat down next to him and leaned close so they wouldn't be overheard. "Ultimately, Ray, this is of course your decision, but perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea to postpone our announcement for a little while at least --" They both straightened up as Frannie swept back into the dining room.
"Ben, there are some boxes in the attic that I've been meaning to go through -- would you like to help me bring them downstairs?"
"Well --" Ben looked at Ray, and received a depressed "I-told-you-so" expression in return. He stood up slowly. "I suppose I could --"
Silvia came in, carrying a basket of rolls. As the door closed behind her, Ben saw Diefenbaker happily eating something off a paper plate on the floor. "Oh, now, Frannie, I'm sure Ray can help you with that. Benton and I hardly ever have a chance to talk these days. Sit down, dear. Raymondo, go help your sister. Dinner will keep for a few minutes." She nudged Ray to his feet and shooed her children out of the room.
The door swung shut behind Ray and Frannie, and Silvia took the chair Ray had vacated. She patted the one next to her. "Sit down, Benton. Have a roll."
With a last glance at the door, Ben sat down. He took a roll without looking at it, and idly tore it in half. "Thank you, ah, Silvia. So. What would you like to talk about ...?" His voice died off as he realized Silvia was giving him the same look she gave her children or grandchildren just before she initiated a heart-to-heart conversation that invariably led to all her questions being answered. A look that was equally affectionate and relentless. A look that even Ray, who could evade questions with the best of them, never tried to fight. Ben had never entirely understood the phenomenon, but then, he'd never been on the receiving end of The Look ... until now.
"To start with, Benton, I'd like to discuss what your intentions are toward my son," Silvia said calmly.
Ben blinked, certain that he must have misheard. On re-examining Silvia's face, he decided that he hadn't, and he was very glad that Ray was safely out of earshot. "My intentions," he repeated, stalling for time. Silvia nodded patiently. "Well. My intentions are, umm ..." He broke off. "I'm sorry, but is it all right if I ask you how long you've known?"
"A little while now. A few months, maybe, I've been sure."
"And you never said anything?" Ben realized that he'd shredded the roll to crumbs, and he tried to brush them into a pile. Silvia watched him and tried not to smile.
"I thought it would be better if I let Ray bring it up, wait until he was ready. But he's been so tense lately ... he's been worrying me. I was afraid that something had happened between the two of you, so I decided to speak to you first. When he suggested bringing you to dinner today, it seemed like a good opportunity to ask you." She sat back and studied Ben's face.
Ben nodded a little nervously. "Ray just told me today that he wanted to tell you about ... well, about the two of us. He's been thinking about it for some time, it seems."
Silvia nodded. "I see. So there isn't a problem between the two of you?" She hadn't thought there was -- if she'd believed something really had gone wrong, she would have cornered Benton long before this -- but it was nice to be sure.
"Oh, no, no." Ben shook his head, eager to establish this fact; he tried to remind himself that as a Mountie, he was supposedly capable of handling any situation. He stared at Silvia; before he could stop himself, he blurted, "And it doesn't bother you?"
"Does it bother me?" Silvia sighed and stared at the flowers at the center of the table. "Benton, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have any reservations at all. I'm sure you know better than I do how ... well, let's say how the world views such things. You and Ray are risking quite a bit to be together aren't you?" Ben didn't answer her, but Silvia didn't expect an answer. She looked at him and said, "Ray has never been a very happy person. Ever since he was a little boy, he's taken everything to heart, always expecting that something bad would happen, blaming himself for things he really can't control. But when he's ..." Silvia took a deep breath and started over. "Every mother says that all she wants is for her children to be happy. Ever since you've been in his life, Benton, Ray's been happy. And I don't think anything -- or anyone -- that brings such joy and comfort to my son's life is wrong." Embarrassed, Ben looked down at the table. Silvia tipped his face back up and said briskly, "And now that I've answered your questions, it's time you answered mine."
"Ahhh ... yes. Yes. My intentions. Right." Ben tried to organize his thoughts into some sort of order. When he felt able to form a complete sentence, he said, "Well ... I love Ray, more than I've ever loved anyone. And I plan to spend the rest of my live with him." He looked cautiously at Silvia. "Is that all right, ma'am?"
She smiled and stood up. "It'll do for a start, caro. Now come help me get dinner on the table." She patted Ben on the cheek and went into the kitchen; Ben hurried to follow her, wondering how to tell Ray that their announcement wouldn't be as badly received as he thought.
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"Look, Frannie, just tell me which ones you want and let's get this over with, huh?" Ray stood in the middle of the attic and waved his arms at the sea of boxes. He knew damn well he wasn't the one Frannie wanted in the attic -- if he'd had any doubts, the way she'd stomped upstairs had dissolved them. For the moment, though, he was unwilling to say anything about it.
Frannie just stood at the top of the stairs, frowning to herself and tapping her foot. She darted up to Ray and started pulling him to the stairs. "Okay, Ray, just tell Ben that your back is sore and you can't carry anything, will you?"
"Uh-uh."
Ray planted his feet, catching Frannie off-balance. She glared at him, her expression blending slowly to puzzlement when Ray didn't glare back, instead standing there looking miserable and resolute at the same time. "Why not? What's the matter?"
With a deep breath, Ray guided Frannie to a chair by the window and gently pushed her into it. "Frannie, we gotta have a talk about the way you chase Fraser, okay?"
"I don't chase him!" she shot back indignantly. After a second's thought she added, "Not like I used to, anyway ... all right, so I chase him. Even you gotta admit, Ray, he's worth chasing, right?"
Perching on a box a few feet away, Ray rubbed the back of his neck. "No, I guess I can't disagree with you there ... oh, geez. Look, you remember how I told you once that guys like him don't marry girls like you?"
"Yeah, and it's a hell of a thing to say to your own sister, Ray. I hope you realize that."
"I know, and I'm really sorry --"
Frannie overrode him. "And suppose you tell me just what's *wrong* with me? Suppose you tell me, Mr. Relationship Expert, exactly why Ben wouldn't go for a girl like me?"
Ray sat back and said, "It's not the *kind* of girl you are, Fran. It's just that you're, well ... a girl."
Frannie gaped at him, speechless. She stood up and gasped, "You take that back."
"I can't, Frannie, 'cause it's the truth." Ray looked up at her wearily.
"Oh, and I suppose you're saying you have first-hand knowledge about this?" she demanded. "What, like I suppose he told you personally?"
Ray stood up to face her. "Yeah, Frannie, he did," he said, finally working up to an anger to match his sister's.
"Oh, yeah? When?" Frannie put her hands on her hips and stuck her chin out.
"I'm not sure if I can pinpoint the exact time, but I think it was about a half-hour before the first time we made love!" Ray shouted. Realizing what he'd said, he covered his face with his hands. "Oh, shit." Sighing, he made himself look at Frannie. "Look, I'm sorry, this isn't how I wanted to tell you ..."
Frannie was staring at him, stunned. "What do you ...? You and Ben are ...?"
Ray nodded and tried to reach out to her; he flinched when she jerked away. "Frannie --"
"How could you do this to me, Ray? You know how much he means to me!"
"*What*?"
Frannie began pacing circles around Ray. "I mean, I know you enjoy making my life miserable, but *this* --"
"What do you want me to say, Frannie?" Ray grabbed her arm and hauled her around to stop her pacing. "Do you want me to say that the only possible reason I might have for falling in love with Benny is to hurt you? Is that what you think? That when I'm with him, all I'm thinking is, boy, will *this* make Frannie mad?" He let her go and stepped back a few feet. "Or do you want me to feel guilty for being happy with him? Is that it? Just tell me what you want to hear and I'll say it, okay?"
Frannie backed away from Ray, slowly shaking her head. "I don't wanna hear *anything* from you." She turned and ran down the stairs.
"Frannie!" Ray heard the front door slam. He sat down on the step and slumped against the stairwell, his eyes closed.
After a few minutes he heard footsteps coming up to him; he didn't open his eyes, but he felt Ben sit next to him as close as he could without actually touching him. "Ray?"
"Well, Frannie knows," Ray said bleakly.
"I'm sorry, Ray." Ben hesitated, then tenderly brushed his hand across Ray's cheek, trying to smooth the tears away. "I'm so sorry."
"Yeah. Me too." Ray sat up and rubbed his eyes. He looked at Ben. "I guess she told Ma, huh?"
"Actually, Ray, she didn't have to ..." Ray stared at him, stricken, and Ben couldn't go on for a few seconds. "Your mother and I have already discussed it," he said gently.
"Oh, God, Benny, you told her?" Before Ben could answer, Ray sighed and leaned back again. "It's okay, Benny. Really. Looks like you saved me hurting two family members in the same day. Good thing Maria isn't here, we would have had to figure out a way for Dief to tell her."
"Raymondo --" Ben turned to see Silvia coming up the stairs. She paused when Ray didn't look at her, then came the rest of the way up. She said to Ben, "Caro, would you go check on dinner? Ray and I will be down in a few minutes."
Ben stood up reluctantly; with a last look at Ray, he started downstairs. He bent down and whispered something in Silvia's ear. She smiled up at him, nodded, and patted him on the shoulder. When he was gone, she eased herself down beside her son.
"I'm sorry, Ma." Ray still didn't look at her. "I guess Benny told you, huh."
"Caro --" Silvia reached over and gently tilted his chin up. She waited until he forced himself to meet her eyes, then said softly, "It's no good to keep things bottled up like this. It's better for all of us that we know what's what."
"Yeah, but Frannie ..."
Silvia sighed. "Raymondo. You didn't set out to cause her any pain. She's hurt and she's angry, and it'll take time for her to accept things. I'll help her all I can, but it's up to her now."
Almost shyly, Ray nodded and looked down. "So, you're okay about me and Benny?"
"Yes ... Benton." Silvia sighed again, more philosophically. "I wish he was Catholic, but I suppose I'll just have to accept that he isn't." She was pleased that Ray smiled at that -- not a big smile, but it was better than nothing. She stood up, extending her hand to him. "Come down to dinner, caro. Tortellini only keep so long, you know."