Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment of fans. The author makes no claims on the characters or their portrayal by the creation of this story. The McKenzies and friends belong to SL Haas and are used in this story with her permission. Cat Madden belongs to me. No infringement of any copyrights held by CBS, Alliance, CTV or any other copyright holders of DUE SOUTH is intended. This story is not published for profit, and the author does not give permission for this story to be reproduced for profit.

Rated PG for some swearing

Of Second Chances

By Carol Trendall

(Copyright 1997)


Phil McKenzie opened her eyes, slowly awakened by the late afternoon sun that streamed in the hospital window. She scanned her surroundings warily, as though she was sure to find them lacking. A broad smile lit her face when the first sight that greeted her was her brother, TJ, perched on the edge of her bed.

"You still here?" she teased, struggling into an upright position.

TJ smiled and ruffled her hair affectionately. "Someone's got to keep an eye on you, Flip," he teased back.

"Has Rob gone yet?" she asked around a yawn.

"Yes, he left while you were sleeping. The hospital's going crazy without him. He asked me to say goodbye."

"It was nice of him fit me into his busy schedule."

TJ smiled at his sister, his love for her clear on his handsome face. "Well, that's what we're here for."

"So does that mean you're staying for a while?"

"Yeah, I took the liberty of asking the museum if I could check out some Cree artefacts that a private dealer has not far from here. That way I can stay until you don't need me, then take a drive out to see this guy. I don't know how genuine this stuff is, but he's offered it to us several times now. If it checks out, I'll make an offer."

Phil was proud of the work her brother did at the Field Museum. For some years now he had been curator of native artefacts and had worked tirelessly purchasing private collections and returning the contents to very grateful tribal elders. In return, the tribes would loan the artefacts to the Museum for display. The relationship TJ had developed with the Indigenous Nations ensured that his museum had one of the most diverse native collections in the country.

Phil grinned, leaning toward her brother. "That's great, TJ. As for me not needing you, it'll never happen."

Before either of them could say anything else a voice came from the doorway.

"Hi there. Glad to see you're finally awake."

Phil and TJ looked towards the door to see Sergeant Cathy Madden, still in her uniform, obviously just from work.

"Cat! Hi. Come on in. TJ was just going to get some coffee." She cast a meaningful glance at her brother that had him jumping to his feet in surprise. Phil had noticed attraction between the two of them in the two days she'd been in the hospital and she figured it was time to do some gentle nudging.

Hint taken, TJ checked how Cat took her coffee and then went off to the canteen, leaving them alone. It was the first time Cat had been alone with Phil since her hospitalisation.

"So how you feeling today, Phil?" Cat asked, brushing a gentle hand over Phil's.

"Well, I've stopped being dizzy, but my back and my ankle still hurt," Phil grimaced in pain. "I'm just pleased that the fall didn't aggravate my old back injury. That was my first concern when I realised I'd taken a fall. The doctor thinks I'll be able to leave in a couple of days."

"That's good, because I have two things to say to you." Cat's expression was blank, but a smile danced around her eyes.

"Oh?" Phil didn't know this woman well enough yet to know if she was messing around or not.

"Firstly, why didn't you tell me your brothers were so drop dead gorgeous?"

Phil laughed, deep and throaty. "Rob and TJ? I'm so used to their good looks that I don't give them a second thought." She leaned over and raised a conspiratorial eyebrow at her new friend. "You interested?" Phil smiled happily now, the pain in her ankle and back forgotten for the moment.

"Don't worry, I noticed Rob's wedding band."

"But TJ's available...." Phil let her voice trail off.

"But if you'd have warned me how handsome he is I might have been able to spruce myself up a bit before we met," Cat scolded. "After the way I looked then – I don't stand a chance."

Phil laughed and Cat was relieved to see the humour in her eyes.

"What's the second thing you wanted to say?"

"Well, I was wondering if you would like to come and stay at my house for a while when you get out of here. I thought it might be good for you and, well, I... I figured you'd have some questions for me."

"Cat! How did you know? " Phil was shocked, was she so transparent?

Cat only smiled. "Intuition, Phil. Besides, I think you might need some time to deal with this accident and how it's going to affect your research project. It'll be a while before you're in any shape to get out there and finish the job. If you stay here you'll be closer to the team and you can keep an eye on things. Besides, I've got a big house and lots of animals to amuse you. And I'm a great cook."

"How could I refuse an offer like that! I'd like it very much, Cat, and yes, I do have a lot of questions for you."

Cat took Phil's hand and gave her a warm smile. "And I'll be happy to answer them."

Footsteps in the corridor signalled TJ's return with the coffee. Phil and Cat filled TJ in on their plans and all three fell into companionable conversation, laughing and joking and getting to know one another.

The afternoon soon passed into evening and before long it was dark. Phil yawned ostentatiously and a little too obviously for Cat's liking, but she laughed anyway.

"It's time for you two to get out of here, I need to sleep. TJ, I think you should buy Cat dinner, after all she did save my life and you've got nothing better to do!"

TJ blushed and looked embarrassed and Cat was reminded instantly of Ben. Phil sat up in bed, looking pleased with herself and being of no help to her brother. Cat decided to let him off the hook.

"I'll let you buy me dinner tonight if you let me cook for you tomorrow night. Then we're even."

TJ smiled at her and relaxed. "It's a deal. Some home cooking would be nice."

When the goodbyes were dealt with, Cat and TJ left together with Phil giving Cat a final conspiratorial smile as they went. Cat smiled in return, vowing one day to pay Phil back.


Cat and TJ ate at a restaurant not far from the hospital. They sat talking late into the night, parting reluctantly only when Cat reminded TJ that she had to work the next day. Cat provided TJ with her address and made him promise to be there by seven the next evening. She drove off smiling, very much looking forward to her next meeting with this intriguing man. In the meantime she had to get some information out of Phil, she sensed there was something about TJ that made him hold back.

TJ watched Cat drive away, also anticipating the next evening, but with a mixture of excitement and fear.


The next day Cat visited Phil at lunchtime. She hoped she had chosen a time when TJ would not be there and was pleased when she found her timing to be perfect. Phil was sitting up in bed, her laptop open on the roll table across the bed and geological maps strewn on every available surface. She didn't notice Cat's entrance. Only when Cat bent to retrieve a map and a notebook from the floor beside the bed did Phil realise she was not alone.

"Hi, Cat." Phil smiled at her. "Give me thirty seconds." She returned to her computer, tapped a few keys and then put it aside.

"Working on your research?"

"Yes, Todd Grayson and Doug Waters came to see me this morning and we worked out a plan to keep the project on schedule. I've just emailed the game plan to the rest of the team and they'll send me the results at the end of each day. I should be able to start analysing the data tomorrow, so we'll still meet our deadline. I'm relieved that my accident isn't going to cause a delay. "

"You certainly look happier than you did yesterday. It must have been worrying you."

"Well, yes it was. But that's not the only thing that's put me in a good mood today. I don't know what you did to my brother but he sure was happy this morning."

Cat laughed, thinking to herself 'I haven't done anything to him ....yet'.

"We had a lovely evening. And you, Phil McKenzie, are a wicked sister. TJ looked horrified when you told him to take me to dinner!"

"Well he wasn't going to do anything about it on his own."

"Reminded me of Ben," Cat mused.

Phil's tone grew serious. "TJ has often reminded me of Ben, Cat. Maybe that's why I fell in love with him, because he was like my brother."

"I suspect he has his secrets too, just like Ben." Cat ended the sentence with an upward inflection, giving Phil the opportunity to offer up anything she felt Cat needed to know.

"Yes. You should know about those now."

Cat nodded and pulled a chair up to the bed. She listened intently while Phil told her about TJ's engagement to Noelle and her tragic death. Phil told her of how TJ had carried his pain for so long, unable to give his heart to anyone and Cat was struck again by the similarity to Ben's life over the past years. Phil also told her about the friendship he had shared with Ben and the support he had been after Noelle's death.

"He deserves happiness, Cat, he's a good man. I think you'd be good for him."

"We'll see."


That evening Cat left work early. She raced home and prepared a delicious meal of pan-fried trout and salad, followed by a wicked honeycomb and banana pudding for dessert. She took a long leisurely shower and dressed in a pair of slim fitting black pants and black sweater, deciding she would just have to put up with the cat hair. Underneath she wore a deep crimson teddy, hoping that someone other than her cats would be admiring it later.

Sheila, her fat aging tortoiseshell cat observed her preparations through half closed eyes.

"Don't give me that look, young lady. I know what you're thinking," Cat admonished the feline, then turned back to the mirror.

She was pulling a brush through her hair when the doorbell rang. With a final glance to the sleeping cat she warned, "Behave yourself tonight, Sheila."


Cat ushered TJ into her living room. He handed her a generous bunch of deep purple tulips and a bottle of wine.

"You said you like red wine."

Cat looked up at the attractive man before her, wondering how she had got so lucky. "I do. Thank you, TJ. And how did you know tulips are my favourite flowers?"

"I had a hunch." He beamed at her and followed her into the kitchen.

Cat handed TJ a corkscrew and two glasses for the wine, while she took care of the flowers.

Reaching into a cupboard she took down a large glass vase. "And purple, it signifies the need for union, so the psychologists say." Cat looked at him through her eyelashes as she worked, aiming for innocence, but convincing no one.

"But purple is a mixture of red and blue, Cat, signifying a need for gentleness and tenderness." It was TJ's turn to look coy. He poured the wine and handed her a glass, smiling all the while.

"You're a wise man, TJ McKenzie." Cat smiled. It was going to be an interesting evening.

She led him to the living room and while she settled on the sofa, TJ inspected some of the treasured items resting on Cat's mantelpiece.

He ran his hands reverently over a soapstone figure about the size of an orange. "This is a lovely piece. She's an Inuit spirit, but I guess you know who she is."

"Pinga. I'm told she watches carefully over the actions of men, particularly the way they treat animals." She lowered her voice. "It was a gift."

TJ smiled and nodded, sitting down at the other end of the sofa. "You know, Pinga only appears in times of great need." TJ held her gaze for a moment. "No doubt it was given to you by someone who knows you very well."

Cat smiled to herself, her heart full of fondness for the man who had given her the gift. She doubted that Ben would ever have expected TJ to one day admire it.

By the time their meal was on the table, Sheila and Bella had made their way down the stairs to investigate the visitor. The two cats circled the room, pretending not to be interested, but more than once tried to jump onto TJ's lap during dinner. Cat told him that it meant that Sheila and Bella approved of him. TJ beamed with pleasure when she said this, and told her he was honoured to be accepted into this household.

Much later when they had eaten and drank some of the wine, Cat suggested they move to the sofa near the fire to have their coffee. On the sofa, TJ seemed restless and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Once again Cat could not help comparing him to Ben. She thought briefly of the first time he had sat in her living room, looking as nervous as TJ did now.

TJ sipped at his coffee, a determined look on his face. "I'll be honest with you Cat," he said eventually. "I've been attracted to you since the first day at the hospital."

"Yeah, I know," she smiled at him. "The feeling's mutual."

TJ smiled with some relief. "I'm a bit out of my depth here. It's been a long time since I've been in this situation."

He looked uncomfortable again and Cat took pity on him. "I know. Phil told me about Noelle. I'm so sorry, it must have been awful."

TJ sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "It was. I know it's been a long time, but I haven't been able to....feel....anything. I felt frozen for a long time." Cat moved closer and rested her hand on his arm, stroking lightly as he went on. "There've been women since then, of course. But only ever empty and emotionless. You know what I mean, that desperate desire for physical contact and then you find yourself sneaking out of a total stranger's apartment in the middle of the night feeling worse than you did before. I wasn't ready to give anything, so I got nothing in return." He shook his head and looked embarrassed. "That sounds pretty bad, doesn't it?"

Cat smiled warmly and squeezed his arm. "Don't beat yourself up about it, TJ. You do what you have to to survive. You suffered a terrible loss. Some people wouldn't have handled it as well as you. Sounds to me like you're human."

"Ah, such a wise woman." He grinned at her, keen to change the subject. "I hope you'll give advice like this to Phil?"

Cat chuckled. "I'll try, but I'm not sure she'll be as willing to listen as you are." They both laughed.

"I felt like I could trust you as soon as I saw you," TJ said a little later, casting a meaningful glance at Cat.

Cat wasn't sure how to respond to that, but before long it didn't matter because TJ leaned forward and kissed her, his free hand sliding around her waist and pulling her towards him. A moment later he broke away and took the coffee cup from Cat's hand with some impatience, almost throwing it onto the table. This time TJ slid both hands around Cat's waist, pulling her hard against him as he kissed her. Cat sighed in contentment.

TJ whispered into her ear, "So that's why they call you Cat. You purr."

Cat smiled in reply and TJ kissed her again. From her position by the fire, Sheila lifted one lazy eyelid and surveyed the scene, feeling slightly peeved, knowing there would be little room for her on the bed tonight.


Three days later Phil McKenzie was allowed to leave the hospital. Cat and TJ arrived together to collect her, but Phil wasn't surprised by that, it seemed they had spent every possible moment together since the night she had insisted TJ take Cat to dinner. Phil was pretty pleased with herself about that. She hadn't seen TJ so happy and relaxed in many years. She had been right, Cat was good for her brother.


The drive out to Cat's property was a happy one, with lots of laughter and stories and only a little apprehension on Phil's part. She knew she was about to expose herself to a part of Ben's life that had so far only been speculation and she wasn't sure how ready she really was.

Cat and TJ helped Phil up the stairs, with Cat apologising all the way for only having bedrooms on the upper floor.

"I hope the view from your room will make up for the effort in getting there," Cat said as she led Phil into the large bedroom.

One wall was a floor to ceiling window, with heavy drapes to draw across on cold winter days, giving way to a view across Cat's property and then onto the mountains in the distance. Opposite there was a small potbelly stove, already alight and giving the room a cosy feel. Sheila and her daughter Bella ran ahead of them, wrestling and purring on the bed.

"Wow, I think you're right." Phil cast her eyes around the room appreciatively. "What a lovely room and what a lovely view. And the cats, I love the cats." Phil hobbled to the bed and stroked the two animals, who repeatedly nudged each other out of the way to get more of Phil's attention.

"There are more downstairs. Bella has four kittens, but they're too small to get up the stairs. I think she comes up here to get away from them."

Bella answered that comment by jumping off the bed and heading for TJ, circling his legs possessively. TJ bent and swept Bella up into his arms and she rolled onto her back, purring loudly while he scratched her belly. Bella had obviously claimed TJ for herself.

Phil looked at her brother, mock disapproval on her face. "TJ, what is it about you and females? They always drop at your feet."

"Ah, but this one's special!" he replied, rubbing his face into her fur.

"Yeah, like I haven't heard that before," Cat said, smiling as Phil laughed at TJ's discomfort.

TJ looked at the two women and decided to keep quiet.

"Will you show me the kittens later?" Phil asked.

"Of course I will. Now, your bathroom is just next door, so you don't have to go far. My room is across the hall and I can hear you if you call out. You shouldn't need anything, I think it's all here." Cat clapped her hands together and stepped towards the door. "Why don't you get settled in and I'll go downstairs and feed the animals and make some tea. Come down when you're ready and we'll decide what to do about dinner." With a swish of hair Cat was gone, leaving Phil and TJ alone.

"If you don't need me, Flip, I'm going to love you and leave you. I told that old geezer in Duck Lake I'd see his collection tomorrow morning, so I'd better get moving."

"You'll be back in a few days though?" she asked, moving to hug him.

"Of course I will. Then I'll take you back to Chicago." Brother and sister said their good-byes and then TJ went downstairs for a different farewell to Cat.

When she was unpacked and changed into comfortable clothing, Phil made her way down the stairs leaning heavily on the banister, still unsure of using the crutches she had been given. On the way down she noticed the wall by the stairs was completely covered in framed photographs. She had been too busy to notice them on her way up, but now she stopped to inspect them.

Many were of Ben, something she realised she should not have been surprised by. There were several of Ben and Cat together, obviously taken some time ago, but there were some newer ones as well, including Ben and a man she had never seen before. Scattered between these photos was an interesting mix; Cat and an older man in a Mountie uniform, Ben with a large white dog, Cat with a group of darker skinned people Phil figured were probably Tsimshian, Cat with two people who could only be her parents and Cat with a large tortoiseshell cat. The more she looked the more she found and her desire to get down the stairs was suddenly gone.

That was where Cat found her a few minutes later when she came out of the kitchen bearing a tray with a pot of tea and cake.

Phil looked at her guiltily. "I'm sorry, Cat. I didn't mean to pry."

"You're not prying," she reassured her new friend. "If I didn't want them looked at I wouldn't have put them on the wall."

Phil nodded and turned back to the wall. "This picture caught my eye." She pointed to one Ben had sent Cat many years ago. It was Ben and the Rocky Mountain Rescue Crew. Pointing to a small figure with unclear features standing next to Ben, she sighed. "That's me." She turned misty eyes to Cat. "It brings back a lot of memories. I hadn't expected it."

"Oh shit. I'm sorry, Phil. I should have warned you about those pictures."

Phil shook her head. "No. It's OK, really." She turned back to the wall. "This one of you and Ben." She pointed to a small square photo at the top of the collection. "Was that when you first knew each other?"

Cat knew the picture well. She didn't need to get close to see. She smiled at Phil, her mind wandering back over the years. "Yeah, that was over 15 years ago now, when we were both young enough to think we'd be together forever. Tea?"

Phil nodded her acceptance and turned back to the pictures. "You both look in love."

"We were. That was a long time ago, Phil." Cat carried two mugs of tea up the stairs and joined Phil on the step. She pointed to a picture that Phil had noticed earlier. "See this one? That's Bob Fraser. We were both stationed in Yellowknife."

Phil leaned over for a better look, remembering well the night she had spoken to him on the phone. The night she and Ben became engaged. She wished she had known him. "He has a nice face." She thought of Caroline and looked forward to telling her about the picture next time she visited.

"He was a great man. We were devastated when he was killed...." Cat's voice trailed off, stopping herself before she let something slip about Ben going to Chicago to look for his father's killer.

"Poor Ben," Phil sighed and Cat was struck by the level of emotion in that simple statement.

Cat pointed to another; a picture of her holding up a large fish surrounded by a group of Tsimshian men. "This man here." She pointed to the man next to her in the photo "This is Eric. Did Ben tell you about Eric?" Phil shook her head. "That was taken in Kitimat. He and Ben grew up together. I was stationed there for a while and Ben made them look out for me. That day, they took me fishing. I caught the biggest fish, as you can see."

Both women laughed together and Phil cast her eyes over the wall, finally lighting on a fairly recent picture of Ben and a large white dog. Her heart ached. He was still the most handsome man she had ever seen.

"This is nice. When was that taken?"

"About five years ago. That's Diefenbaker. I guess you don't know about him."

"Diefenbaker? Ben has a dog?"

"A wolf, actually. He saved Ben's life once by diving off an ice floe and dragging him to safety. He burst his eardrums in the process and now he's deaf. Ben brought him here and I helped care for Dief, we didn't think he'd live. In the process he became bonded to Ben and now they go everywhere together."

Eventually, Phil's eyes sought out a picture of Cat and a pretty woman with dark hair and blue eyes that somehow seemed familiar. "Who's that with you?"

"That's Becka, Ben's sister. That was taken some time ago now. She's had a difficult time recently."

"She's pretty, looks a lot like Ben."

"That she does." She said no more about Becka. The time would come when it was right to go into Becka's history.

Phil stared at the pictures in silence. So much had happened in Ben's life that she didn't know about. So much had happened in her life that Ben didn't know about.

Cat noticed her silence. "What is it Phil? Does this upset you?"

"No. I'm just a bit caught off-guard." She leaned her chin onto her knees and stared straight ahead. "I was going to marry this man and I knew so little about him."

Cat squeezed Phil's arm gently. "But you knew who he was and you knew he loved you."

"Emphasis on the past tense." Her voice held a trace of bitterness.

"He loved you, Phil. Simple as that. Now I've told you what I think about this self doubt of yours."

"I know." She smiled a little. "I guess I probably wasn't prepared for being in this house, knowing that Ben has probably touched everything in it, sat where I'm sitting, slept where I'm sleeping." She hesitated and sighed. "The room where I'm sleeping, is that where Ben sleeps?"

Cat looked at her teacup and debated whether to answer the question honestly or lie. Eventually she went with honesty. "No, Phil, he's rarely slept there. He usually sleeps in my bed." She stopped when she saw Phil's face. "Damn it, you don't wanna hear this. I'm sorry."

"In your bed?"

"Yes and don't look at me like that. We haven't made love for ... for many years now. It's not about sex. I've told you that Ben and I have an unusual relationship. I'm sorry, Phil, does it shock you?"

"Shock me? No. Surprise me? Yes. I don't know what I was expecting you to say. It's none of my business anyway."

Cat gripped her shoulder and made her look at her. "Phil, listen to me. I want you to understand this. I don't know what your belief system is and so I'm sorry if this offends you, but my relationship with Ben goes beyond this life. It's an essential part of both of us and it has no bearing, none whatsoever, on the love he feels for you. And yes, I do mean feels for you – present tense."

"See, Cat, I didn't know him at all."

"Oh yes you did, Phil. You know a side of Ben that only you will ever see. Not me, certainly not Victoria, not anyone."

Phil pondered Cat's statement and let her eyes wander back to the photos, looking for a way to change the subject. "Who's that with Ben?" She pointed to a picture of Ben with a man she didn't know, both leaning against a metallic green car.

"That's Ray, his best friend in ... his best friend." Phil turned to look at Cat as she continued. "And Ray knows a part of Ben that you and I will never know. That's the way it is. There must be a part of you that no one else knows."

Phil looked at her hands and thought about her friend, Lloyd Hope. It was true, he knew her like no one else. Not even Ben. "I know you're right, Cat. I can't help it, I feel ... I feel ... left out."

"Of course you do. Right in front of you is photographic evidence that Ben has had a life after he ended your engagement. Of course you feel left out. I'd be willing to bet that he'd feel left out too, if he knew you and I were sitting here now. He'll feel left out when he knows that I know about Lindy."

Phil didn't say anything, just absorbed what Cat had said and returned to her perusal of the wall. "Is there a picture...I mean...do you have...Oh my...." Phil hesitated. She wasn't sure she wanted an answer to what she was about to ask. "There's no picture of Ben with any woman, other than you and I thought you'd have a picture of Victoria. Do you have one?"

It was Cat's turn to be anxious now. "Oh, Phil. The answer to that is part of a much larger conversation and it's one, I think, that we shouldn't have sitting on the steps." For a moment Cat ignored the quizzical look on Phil's face. "I've made some cake. Come sit by the fire and I'll refresh your tea and then I'll tell you about it."

Phil did as she was bid and when she was settled into an armchair near the fire with a slice of buttered homemade fig cake Cat spoke.

"Phil, there is a lot you need to hear and none of it is pleasant. I think you need to know. You owe it to yourself and you owe it to Ben. If you don't want to hear it, then just say so." She waited for a sign before continuing. "Should I go on?"

Phil nodded weakly, not sure at all that she wanted to hear what Cat would tell her.

Cat sipped at her tea, settled back into her chair and began. She told Phil about the robbery, about Ben tracking Victoria, then spending days with her in a snowstorm before taking her back to town and turning her in.

There were tears threatening in Phil's voice when she finally spoke. "So my memory was right. I thought you'd told me that night on the mountain that Victoria had been sent to prison, but I thought it was my mind playing tricks."

"Your memory was right. Victoria is a thief and a murderer."

"Oh god, Cat. Ben dumped me for a criminal!" She sat bolt upright. "I can't believe it! He fell in love with a damn thief! So loving a common criminal was better than spending his life with me!" By the time she finished, tears flowed freely down Phil's cheeks.

Cat dug a handkerchief from her pocket, placed there earlier in anticipation of this conversation. "Phil, it's not like that." Cat's voice was soft, gentling the sobbing woman like she would an injured and frightened animal.

"What else am I supposed to think?" Phil demanded. "I didn't think it would hurt this much after all these years. But, Cat, did my love mean so little to him that it could be wiped out by a couple of days on a mountain with a thief?" Cat moved towards her but Phil waved her away, determined to continue. "Maybe I was too boring. Maybe he liked the excitement of being with someone who robbed banks for a living. Seems that I was a bit of an aberration. I certainly can't compare to the other woman in his life. Look at you, I'm nothing like you. You propositioned Ben and I hit him when he kissed me. Then there's Victoria. I'll give him this, he certainly loves a challenge. Oh god....".

Cat flew to her feet, standing over the sobbing woman. "Phil! Stop it! Listen to yourself! Do you hate yourself that much?" Phil looked up at her, eyes wide with shock. "Ben loved you because of exactly who you are. Make no mistake. He knows he blew it with you. I made sure to tell him, but he knew it himself anyway. As for me, I don't even enter into this. I've told you about how it is with Ben and me. Now Victoria is a whole different story and you need to hear the rest of it before you get carried away with this 'woe is me' shit!"

"I'm ... I'm sorry, Cat. I thought I had dealt with every possible scenario, but this ... let's just say it's not what I expected to hear." She couldn't keep the bitterness out of her voice. "Whatever Victoria did on that mountain must have been pretty amazing to make Ben fall in love with her."

Cat sat down again, a familiar weariness settling in. This was territory she had been over in her own mind more times than she cared to remember. Her voice lowered.

"Something happened to Ben up on that mountain alright. I don't know what it was, but it had nothing to do with love. It was never love. Obsession, maybe. You hear stories about things blossoming in the face of death. Maybe that was it. They say long term hostages form unusual bonds with their captors. Who knows? I can't say." Her gaze drifted away from Phil to a place somewhere over her head. "I would have understood if it were just sex. He wouldn't be the first man to make a decision with a part of his anatomy other than his brain. Now that, at least, would have made sense. But he turned it into a ridiculous obsession and vowed he would wait until she was out of prison." Cat rubbed her hands over her eyes, wondering why she had dragged all of her thoughts up again. "Damn it, Phil, I haven't thought about this in years. I'm sorry."

"No. Please. Go on. I think I need to hear it."

"Yes. Both of you have carried this around for so long now and knowing about this may well help you come to terms with it, give you another perspective. Phil, I'm concerned that if you don't resolve it now you'll end up a bitter old woman, always alone." Like Ben, she wanted to add, but resisted. "If you still have feelings for Ben then, for everyone's sake, own up to them, otherwise let it all go and move on with your life."

Phil didn't answer. Cat got to her feet and headed for the kitchen. She needed a drink.

"I know you said you're not much of a drinker, Phil, but I'm going to open a bottle of wine and I think you should drink some." Cat said, returning with a bottle of red wine, a corkscrew and two glasses.

With a business-like efficiency she opened the wine, poured a little into each glass and handed one to Phil before continuing with the story.

She told Phil the rest of the story. She told her all about Victoria's release from prison and re-entry to Ben's life, skilfully sidestepping any mention of Chicago. She told Phil about the shooting, for some reason deciding at the last minute not to tell her that it was Ray who shot him, and about Ben's hospitalisation, followed by the trip north to rebuild the cabin. By the time Cat had finished Phil had drunk the wine and let Cat refill her glass.

"So no-one knows where she is now?"

"No, Phil, she wasn't on the train when it stopped."

"And Ben, he's OK now? No permanent injury?"

"No, he's fine. He's gotten Victoria out of his system and he's moved on." Cat hesitated. "For what it's worth, Phil, he knows he made a mistake letting you go."

Phil looked at her, for the first time in many years not feeling the urge to answer the comment with a bitter remark.

Neither of the women spoke for a long time and after a while Cat got up and went to the kitchen to prepare their dinner. She left Phil alone to digest what she had just told her. When Cat came out of the kitchen later Phil was curled into a ball on the sofa, sobbing her heart out and clutching on to Bella like a life raft. Wordlessly, Cat sat beside her and pulled her into a hug, rocking her until she breathed easily.

Cat didn't know how long they sat there, but she refused to relinquish her hold on Phil until she was sure the worst was over. When Phil's breathing evened out, Bella slipped away and padded out of the room.

Eventually Phil spoke. "I hated Ben for years and not once did I give a thought to what had happened to him."

"But you were hurting, Phil. Besides, how were you supposed to know."

"I wished many things on Ben, but I never wanted anyone to try and kill him."

"I know that, he knows that. What happened with Victoria is something that is best left alone now. You've both got to move on. If you want me to tell you where he is I will."

Phil sat upright, suddenly in control again. "No! No, I'm not ready for that."

"But when you are, just let me know."

Suddenly Cat's attention was drawn to a movement in the doorway of her study. It was Bella, carrying one of her kittens in her mouth. Ignoring Cat's gaze, she headed towards the sofa and jumped up, dropping the kitten unceremoniously into Phil's lap. Phil stared at the purring black bundle and the tears welled in her eyes again.

"I think you've been given a gift." Cat smiled and picked Bella up, pressing her face into her fur, wondering why she hadn't thought of it herself. "Thank you Bella, what a lovely thought. Phil will take good care of him."

Phil scooped up the kitten and cuddled it. "What a beautiful kitten. Can I really keep him?"

"Of course, Bella has chosen you, she can obviously see that you're the right person to care for her baby. I never let the kittens go to a home their mother doesn't approve of."

"I'll have to think of a name."

"The right name will come to you, soon enough."

Cat was pleased that Phil wanted to keep the kitten, it seemed the perfect thing to help heal her many old wounds.

"There's something else I should tell you as well. Remember I told you about the kitten Ben brought to me all those years ago? You saw her photo on the wall." Phil nodded. "I called her Laura. Sheila is Laura's daughter and Bella is Sheila's daughter. This little kitten is Laura's great grandson."

Phil sighed and stroked the tiny kitten in her lap. "That's perfect. Thank you, Cat. This means a lot to me."

"Don't thank me. Bella chose you." Cat smiled softly, thinking how perfect this arrangement was. It completed the circle that had been disrupted all those years ago by the influence of Victoria Metcalfe.


In the days that followed, Cat and Phil spent many hours sharing long forgotten secrets with each other. Phil told Cat about how Ben had proposed to her and showed her the ring that she still wore on a chain around her neck. Cat told Phil about the early days of her friendship with Ben and the things they had done together. Cat told Phil some of the things she knew about Ben's childhood and how he had rescued his sister, Becka, but it was Phil who was to share the most precious of all secrets.

Cat and Phil were seated together on the sofa, a photo album on the coffee table in front of them, when Phil said, "I want to show you something, I'll be back in a minute."

Cat waited while Phil made her way to her room and then returned clutching a small photo. Without a word she handed it to Cat, who took it without a word, sure she knew what it was. She was right.

It was a photo of a beautiful baby girl with brown hair framing her face and dancing blue eyes that Cat had only seen on one other person. Dressed in a red velvet dress with white lace trim, she clutched a miniature Stetson in her tiny baby fist. Lindy. There was no mistaking her parentage. Cat looked up at Phil, who looked back at her without any expression.

"She's beautiful, Phil."

"Yes. That was taken not long before ... not long before she died."

Tears filled Cat's eyes as she looked at Phil and then the two women hugged silently. Cat's heart ached, for the pain that Phil had carried all these years and for the pain that Ben was yet to feel when he learned about Lindy.

Cat was well aware of the importance of Phil sharing her daughter's picture with her. In an attempt to share something special in return, Cat took Phil to Diefenbaker Lake, where she and Ben had often canoed in the summer and collected wild rice on the banks.

"It's beautiful, Cat. Maybe next time when I'm in better shape, we can go canoeing together."

"I'd like that."

"Have you ever been white water rafting?" Phil asked, her mind drifting away to another special place.

"No, perhaps you could take me sometime."

"Yes, I will. You know Ben and I had often talked about making a canyon trip sometime. I have a favourite place in Colorado..." her voice trailed off and Cat looked at her, knowing exactly where her mind was.

"Perhaps you two will still get to do it one day."

Cat was sure Ben and Phil would make their trip, even if it were a little later than originally planned. Phil looked at Cat, but didn't answer.

That afternoon on their way home, Cat pulled into the parking lot of the local shopping centre. After they had collected some essential groceries, Cat led Phil into a small shop tucked away in a corner of the mall.

"I just need to pick something up, Phil. It won't take long."

The two women stepped into the store, a beautifully decorated lingerie store. A pretty woman with long blonde hair greeted them.

"Hi, Cathy. I was wondering when I'd see you."

"Hi, Sandy. It's been a busy couple of weeks. Has it arrived?"

"Yes, just a second." Sandy disappeared into the back room.

Cat turned to see Phil wandering around the store, occasionally picking up an item and then setting it down again. "See anything you like?" she asked.

"Oh, this stuff is so pretty, but it's not for me."

Sandy returned with a parcel before Cat could admonish Phil.

"Here it is." Sandy opened the parcel and took out a deep forest green velvet and lace teddy.

"Oh, Sandy, it's gorgeous! What do you think Phil?"

Phil joined them, touching the garment tentatively. "It's lovely."

Sandy looked at Cat, then back to Phil. "I've got another one in burgundy. I think it's probably your size."

Phil waved her hand and started to back away. "No, no, I don't think...."

"Yes, Phil. It's about time you gave yourself a present. She'd love to try it on, Sandy."

Cat grabbed Phil and manoeuvred her into the change room while Sandy went for the other teddy. After much to-ing and fro-ing and Cat refusing to let her out until she tried the teddy on, Phil gave in. A few minutes later she opened the door of the change room and looked out nervously.

Cat grinned. "Well, give me a look."

Phil opened the door fully and stood self-consciously holding her hands in front of her.

"Oh, Phil, it looks great! You've got a great figure."

"But the colour? I don't normally wear this colour." Phil shifted anxiously from foot to foot.

"The colour suits you. You'll give someone a very nice surprise one day. As Bob Fraser once said to me, 'hubba hubba'!" Cat winked at Phil, but she just shuffled uncomfortably.

"I don't know."

"Yes you do." Cat rummaged in her bag, then whipped out her credit card and handed it to Sandy.

"As someone once said and I don't remember who, 'wrap it up, I'll take it'."

"Cat!"

Cat silenced her with a wave of her hand. "It's done now. No discussion. Consider it a thank you."

"Thank you? For what?"

Cat considered this for a second and then smiled broadly. "TJ."


A week later when it was time for Phil to go home, Cat was sorry to see her go. On the last night she prepared a special dinner and a special gift for Phil's farewell. Sitting by the fire that night, sipping chamomile tea, Cat handed Phil a black, leather bound notebook. It was a scrapbook of articles about Ben's achievements.

"Phil, this is something I want you to have."

"Wh ... what is it?" Phil reached out a hand tentatively.

"It's a scrapbook that Bob Fraser started when Ben became a Mountie. He left it to me in his will."

Phil pushed it back towards Cat. "No, I can't take it."

"Yes, Phil. I want you to have it. I'm sure Bob left it to me at a time when he thought Ben and I would marry. I don't think he ever thought to change it. When Bob died I continued the tradition. I've kept the articles up to date. I think Bob would have wanted you to have it."

"But what about Ben?"

"He doesn't even know it exists. It was between Bob and I. For god's sakes Phil, you had Ben's child and he was going to marry you, you're more family than me. Please take it, it's from Bob to me to you."

Phil took the book in her hands, not knowing what to say. "Thank you." It was barely a whisper. "This means more to me than I can say."


Later that night when Phil was in bed Cat sat by the fire with Sheila and Bella vying for space on her lap. Tomorrow morning TJ would return and take Phil back to Chicago. It had been a strange couple of weeks since Phil had come into her life, but a time that she would cherish. She was pleased to finally have met the woman that had captured Ben's heart all those years ago and who, she felt sure, would be making Ben a happy man again before too long. Yes, maybe fate was about to hand these two a second chance.

She wasn't sure why she had decided to give Phil the notebook, but it had seemed the right thing to do. As she thought this, the two cats suddenly sat up, staring off towards the stairs.

"Who's there?" she asked Sheila and Bella, well used to them seeing things she didn't.

They settled quickly when they recognised the ghostly visitor. They knew him well, for he came regularly. Unseen by Cat, a silver haired man in a Mountie uniform made his way towards Phil's room to whisper into her dreams that he was glad she now carried his black notebook.

A little later when Cat was just about to make her way to bed, she heard a car in the drive. She smiled to herself. She knew it was TJ. She was waiting on the porch before he was out of the car.

He rushed to her, speaking in an excited whisper. "I decided to drive back tonight so I could spend the night with you. I hope that's not inconvenient."

"Lose the formalities, TJ, you know you're welcome here. Come inside."

Together they went into the house.

"How's Flip been?"

"You won't recognise her. We talked a lot and I told her a lot of things I thought she should know."

"Did she handle it OK?"

"Most of it, though the photos gave her a bit of a shock." Cat gestured to the wall running alongside the stairs "I don't think she'd been expecting to see so many pictures of Ben and I didn't think to warn her. I'm so used to those damn photos that I never really notice them."

TJ wandered over towards the stairs and looked at the collection. "I never really noticed them either."

"Well, TJ, I guess every time you've been walking up those stairs you've had something else on your mind." Cat teased him and he blushed slightly, returning his attention to the pictures.

Cat turned off the living room lights joined TJ on the stairs. He seemed very interested in the picture of Cat and Becka.

"Who's that with you?" he asked.

"That's Becka, Ben's sister. She's beautiful, isn't she?"

"Yes. Yes, she is," TJ answered, reaching for Cat's hand and leading her up the stairs.


Some time later, when they really should have been asleep, TJ turned his head on the pillow and smiled at Cat.

"I want to thank you for all you've done for Phil. And for me." He looked up at the ceiling again. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you for the last few days. I'd forgotten I could feel like this, I never thought I'd get a second chance."

Cat leaned up on one elbow and looked down at the too, too handsome man in her bed. "TJ, this has been wonderful for me too and I think you're a great guy..."

"But....there has to be a but?" he smiled sadly at her.

"TJ, don't go falling in love with me. I'm just a stopgap in your life. You'll go back to Chicago and meet a woman who deserves you and I'll dance at your wedding."

TJ regarded Cat for a long time and for a moment she thought she had been too blunt, that maybe she had caused more pain. Then he threw his head back and laughed, before pulling her down onto his chest.

"What an amazing woman you are, Cat Madden. I would love to have you dance at my wedding."


The next afternoon it was a solemn party of three humans and one cat who made their way through Moose Jaw airport. When boarding time came, Phil turned to Cat and hugged her.

"Thank you for everything. Thank you for the kitten, your hospitality, your friendship ... for everything. I've learned a lot."

"This was obviously meant to happen, Phil. Thank you. I've learned a lot, too."

The two women hugged again and Phil stepped back, to allow TJ and Cat their farewells.

TJ hugged her fiercely. "It seems I learned a lot too. Thanks, Cat. You're one amazing woman."

"It was great, TJ. I'm glad I know you. Thanks." TJ kissed her, both of them knowing that this would be the last intimate kiss they shared.

Phil smiled at them and discreetly turned her back. A little later she looked at them again, expecting the kiss to be over. It wasn't. She coughed and was about to make a suggestion about a bucket of water when, as if on cue, the public address system crackled into life, requesting passengers to board.

TJ let Cat go and picked up their bags and the cat basket and prepared to leave. Phil gave Cat a final hug and they started to move off.

"Don't forget to write," Cat called to them. "Letters, I like lots of letters."

"And I'm coming back for another visit," Phil shouted back.

Cat smiled as Phil and TJ disappeared from view. 'Yes you are' Cat thought to herself 'but next time you sleep under my roof you won't be alone'. Cat believed, without doubt, that fate would be kind to Ben and Phil and somehow give them that second chance.


All comments welcome at mullum@tig.com.au

Nothing Lasts Forever (Book 2 of the Ben and Phil Saga)

1.Nothing Lasts Forever
2.Of Second Chances by Carol Trendall
3.Winter in America is Cold by Carol Trendall
4.Lavender Memories
5.Distractions by Carol Trendall
6.No Aphrodisiac by Carol Trendall
7.Life's Insanity by Carol Trendall
8.Standing on the Edge by Carol Trendall
9.Of Past Regret and Future Fear by Carol Trendall
10.A Summoning of Things Past
11.Three Parts Dead
12.A Job Well Done
13.Touchstones of Character
14.But For the Night
15.Tangled Webs
16.Suspicions
17.Chasms of the Mind (with Carol Trendall)
18.Outskirts by Carol Trendall