This story is slash, containing characters who (sadly) do not belong to me and both happen to be men who want to have sex with each other. I'm not writing this for any gain other than my own personal amusement. Rating - NC-17.

Special thanks to Misha who came to my rescue when I couldn't find my tape of "Call of the Wild." This wouldn't exist without her.

Here it is, part seventeen in the twenty-one part "One Ray, Two Ray, Old Ray, New Ray" series (with all due deference to Dr. Suess), which has something in it to please or offend everyone, including Fraser/Kowalski pairings, Fraser/Vecchio, and even Vecchio/Kowalski. You have been warned.

This is part four of a four story arc that takes place during the final episode, "Call of the Wild." All previous stories archived at http://www.frontierz.com/socket

Permission granted to archive at Witnesslist, and any and all other Due South archives. Any others, please let me know first.

any comments, suggestions, or complaints can be sent to me at magik@socket.net

"Reflections 4: Love and Sacrifice"

Pt 4: Call of the Wild Cycle

Barbara J. Webb

From the desk of Det. Ray Vecchio, 9:45 pm:

It's over. Benny and Stanley are okay and Muldoon is locked up, where he'll probably stay for the rest of his life. Kinda wish I could have been there to see it, but that would have required being there, and no way do I want to go dragging my ass around the wilds of Canada, bullet in me or not. Got enough of that last time, thank you very much, and that wasn't even in the middle of winter.

It's so quiet here. Welsh and Frannie have gone home. Huey and Dewey are being pretty quiet for once, filling out all those endless forms. And me, just sitting here, staring at my phone and the scribbled number lying on the desk beside it.

Stella Kowalski. What is it about these Kowalskis? First Ray, now Stella. Not quite as pretty as Raymond, maybe, but she's got that same flash, that same sparkle. I can see how a guy could get so hung up on here. How maybe I could get hung up on her.

Probably gonna call her. I know that. Probably ask her out. She'll say yes. Should be interesting. If nothing else, I'll get to find out what of all the stuff Stanley said about her was true and what was false. Funny how almost everything he ever said was good. Most divorced guys woulda been different - most ex's I would have been trying to see if all the bad stuff could possibly be true. Not Ray, though. Loyal to the last. Stella's lapdog. And now Benny's.

But I'm not going to think about that. It was my choice, and I'm going to hold to it. They'll be good for each other, look after each other. Better for Fraser than I could ever be.

So I'll call Stella, and savor the irony. Looking for a way to step back into being Ray Vecchio, and I chose the former Mrs. Stanley Ray Kowalski, also known as Ray Vecchio. Like trading baseball cards. I'll trade my Mountie for your prosecuting attorney. Cute.

I miss you already, Benny. But I'll get used to that, too.

From one side of a tent, 21:47 hrs.:

It's over. Muldoon is put away, and finally Ray and I have a moment of peace. He's so beautiful when he sleeps. He's beautiful all the time, for that matter. It's good that he's sleeping; it's been a big week. A big day. I can't blame him for just collapsing. My Ray.

We'll talk, soon. Figure this all out. Tonight....

Tonight I simply hold him close. It's all I want right now, to simply feel him against me. Mom...Dad...they're gone. Truly gone, and all I can do is cling to Ray and feel his warm, solid body next to mine and it all seems better.

Is that what love really is? The simple comfort of each other's presence? The fact that it's impossible to feel lonely when he's here with me. So elementary, and yet so significant. I don't ever want to let him go.

Ray was right - Ray and I are very good together. I was so wrapped up in what I had lost, I didn't see what it was I had. Ray, I have you, and I'm not going to let go of you.

From the other side of a tent, 3:30 am:

It's over. Maybe this thing, maybe everything. Don't know where we're going from here. Still wanna go on an adventure. Go out, find the reaching hand. Or something. Don't want to leave Fraser, but if he's gonna go back to Vecchio, I don't really want to be there. Not really. Don't wanna have to watch that.

Don't wanna have to let go. Feels so good to just lie here like this, next to Fraser. Fraser said we'd always be partners - least, I think that's what he said. Hard to tell when Fraser talks sometimes what Fraser means. But how can we be partners if we're not partners?

Just wanna press against him and stay like this forever. He's so beautiful when he sleeps. Afraid of losing him. Fraser....

The barking of dogs woke Ray up early - really early. Dawn was only a greyish light coming in through the edges of the tent flaps. Fraser wasn't there - Ray was alone in the tent. "Fraser? Fraser?" Poking his head out of the front of the tent, Ray looked around, trying to locate the Mountie. It was more difficult than usual, in the middle of this camp full of people in those blinding red uniforms, and all of them seemed to keep Fraser's inhuman hours, running around before the sun was even completely up in the sky.

Even this early, there seemed an energy in the Mountie camp. The day before had been a rousing success, and there was no way to escape the mood of festivity that permeated everyone, albeit in a subdued, Canadian sort of way.

"Good morning, Ray!" Kowalski flinched back from Turnbull's cheerful face, suddenly before his.

"Morning. Right. Where's Fraser?"

"I believe Constable Fraser is currently with the dogs. May I interest you in some breakfast?"

Ray waved Turnbull away; it was far too early for him to deal with the overly perky Mountie. "M'not hungry."

"Really, Ray, breakfast is the most important meal-" Turnbull broke off with a squeak as Ray hit him with a snowball. "Oh now that is hardly-" Another snowball. "Ray-" The third time seemed to convince Turnbull Ray's attack was serious, and he grabbed up his own handful of snow.

Before long, they were rolling on the ground together, Ray barely managing to stay on top of Turnbull as he tried to shove snow down the front of the Mountie's sweater. Turnbull had managed to get a solid mound into Ray's face, and the world was blurry and sparkling through a haze of snow, but Turnbull was fighting for breath around his own mouthful.

"Good morning."

Both combatants scrambled to their feet at the sound of Fraser's voice, Turnbull trying desperately to come to some sort of attention, Ray trying not to snicker too loudly behind his mitten. "Mornin', Frase."

"Good morning, Sir. Ray and I were simply...discussing the merits of a well-balanced breakfast."

"Very good, Constable. You're dismissed." As Turnbull scurried away, Fraser reached up to brush the snow from Ray's eyes.

"You gonna bring him up on charges of un-Mountie-like behavior?" Even under a layer of snow, Ray could feel his cheeks get warm from Fraser's touch.

Fraser's knuckles brushed down the side of Ray's face, knocking away the stinging flakes. "I think I can let it go this once." His expression was serious, but there was the sparkle of laughter in his eyes. "Turnbull has always been somewhat...excitable."

"Oh, yeah. That's the word I'd use."

For a long moment, they stood silently watching each other in the early morning twilight. Ray was hyper-aware of every small flicker of Fraser's eyelids, the fog of Fraser's breath, the blazing contrast of red against all this white. "Come back into the tent and help me find some dry clothes?"

"Of course, Ray."

Fraser's hands were burrowing under Ray's layers of clothing the minute the tent flaps had dropped. "Oooh, you being helpful?"

"That would depend on what your stated goal at this moment is." Ray turned in Fraser's arms, pressing against him.

"Love it when you talk like that, Fraser." His lips found Fraser's, stroked them, pressed against them, opened them. "So what kinda goals should I be looking at here?"

The confined space of the tent wasn't very giving, and Ray became overbalanced, trying to stand and twist and kiss. They both fell to the ground, Fraser breaking their fall with a hand behind Ray's shoulder. "You have several options." Settling himself on top of Ray, Fraser kissed away the flakes of snow that still clung to his eyelashes. "If your goal is quickly re-clothing yourself in dry garments, then I am most likely not going to be very helpful." Fraser pulled his head back slightly and gave Ray a dazzling smile. "Unless you want me to be."

"Lemme hear my other choices, here."

"If your goal is my aid in removing your clothing so that we can fall on one another like desperate, maddened beasts of the wild, then I am most certainly at your service." Fraser's fastened first his lips, then his teeth to Ray's throat.

Ray bucked his hips against Fraser. "Desperate, maddened beasts of the wild? That's kinda sexy, there Fraser. You sure that's a Moutie-like thing to be saying?"

"You seem awfully concerned today with what is proper behavior for members of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police." His voice buzzed against the skin of Ray's throat, pulling a moan from the detective.

"You know, just something to talk about."

Fraser's attentions wandered higher up Ray's neck, along his jawline. "Maybe I can come up with something better to talk about."

"I bet you just can." The words came out breathier than Ray intended. Fraser's proximity, his lips, the long strips of warmth that were Fraser's fingers against his stomach: it was making Ray dizzy.

"For example, our plans for the future."

"Our? You said our, like not just you or just me." Ray pushed Fraser back enough that Ray could look at him. "You mean that, Fraser?"

Leaning back down, Fraser nibbled along the ridge of Ray's eyebrow. "Of course I mean that. I told you, Ray, I won't let anything separate us. I meant that." The tip of his tongue circled outside and beneath Ray's eye while his hand moved in slow circles over Ray's stomach. "I was thinking...." He trailed off, caught up in chewing lightly at Ray's earlobe.

"Yes?" Ray gasped, trying desperately to focus on the words.

"About the adventure you wanted to take."

"Yes?"

Fraser kissed Ray's forehead, brought his hand up to brush through Ray's hair - Ray could only imagine the case of hat-hair he must have right now. "We should go look for the hand of Franklin - together."

"Yes." Ray fastened his lips over Fraser's, probing deep into Fraser's mouth with his tongue. "Yes."

Dinner had been exquisite, good food, engaging conversation, romantic atmosphere - everything Ray could have asked for. Stella seemed a brilliant jewel in a sea of stones, and Ray was forming a pretty good idea of what had kept Kowalski so hung up on her. They had eaten well, danced as much as Ray's recovering body would allow, and now were relaxing at the table, waiting for the effects of the bottle of wine they had shared to settle down enough that they felt safe driving.

As Ray imagined it would have to at some time during the evening, the topic of conversation had turned to Stella's ex-husband. "I don't even know what he was thinking half the time. Things would just come out of his mouth that didn't make any sense."

Ray nodded, sipping at his water. "Bit of an odd duck there, your Stanley."

"Not mine, not anymore. It was so difficult - we never seemed to understand each other."

"Probably just couldn't keep up with you, Stella."

That brought another flash of the beautiful smile she'd been sharing with him all evening. "It's so refreshing, being with you, Ray. You're so polite, cultured, astute. All things my ex-husband was not."

"Had to be a little astute - he was a detective and all that."

She shook her head, emptied the last of her water glass. "I don't mean perceptive like that, I mean...I'm not sure what I mean. He just wasn't able to keep up - he was never very focused."

"I noticed that, too."

"Little things would just get to me. After a while, I just couldn't deal with him any longer."

Leaning back in his chair, Ray swirled his glass idly. "What was so bad? He leave his clothes in a pile one too many times?"

"No, he was just...well, so flighty. Couldn't keep a thought in his head without taping his ears shut."

"Surely that's a bit of an exaggeration."

"You'd feel the same way if you ever had to live with him."

Vecchio bit back the automatic response that he *had* lived with Kowalski and didn't feel that way. "He's a good cop. Got several commendations under his belt, and he managed to get through this undercover business with some small modicum of success. He's certainly not an idiot."

Stella's eyes narrowed; she seemed almost confused that Vecchio was arguing with her. Vecchio was a bit confused about it himself. Here he was at dinner with a beautiful woman who thought he was incredibly more swank than the spiky-haired punk that had stolen his Mountie, and here he was defending the little bastard. Had someone spiked his wine or something? "Three commendations for bravery - none of them required a great deal of intelligence to acquire. He just had to stand around getting shot at. In fact, I rather think that shows a lack of intelligence."

"Bravery, sure. And who needs brave cops, anyway?" It had been meant to be humorous, lighten the mood a bit, but Stella wasn't playing ball.

"Bravery fueled by stupidity just gets a person killed. That's why being a cop's wife isn't something most women aspire to." Stella shrugged. "Not that I'm saying he was rock stupid - just a bit flaky."

"Not a very nice thing to say about the man who was your husband for fifteen years. Don't you still have any warm feelings for this guy?"

"What warmth I once had was squeezed out of me over those fifteen years." Taking the wine bottle, she held it upside down over her glass, watching contemplatively as a few lonely drops fell out. "I think I need another glass."

Ray took the bottle from her hand. "I think you've had enough."

"He was just so...so frustrating."

"He was still your husband. Surely you owe him a bit more loyalty than that."

Again, she simply looked confused. "What do you care? If my ex-husband was an insensitive, hyperactive, over-macho posturing freak, I can't really see why you should be defending him."

Ray wasn't entirely sure either, but it seemed a bit unfair that she should be saying these things without Ray here to defend himself. "He did look after my life for me while I was gone, took care of Benny-"

"Ah yes, that Mountie. I swear, between the two of them, it was a wonder I was able to prosecute any of the cases they cleared."

Now she'd insulted Fraser, and that was taking things just a bit too far. "They're both good cops. Maybe a little unorthodox...."

"A little?"

"And I don't know where you get insensitive. Oversensitive, maybe, but you ever think-"

"You're lecturing me about my own ex-husband now? I hardly think-"

"- you ever think maybe you were the insensitive one?"

"Detective Vecchio-"

"Oh no, don't take that tone with me. I'm not going to sit here and listen to you insult my friends." Ray stood up, throwing his napkin on the table. "You know, he never had anything but glowing things to say about you, and this is how you repay him."

Stella also stood, leaning across the table to get in his face. "You never had to live with him. You have no idea-"

"I got plenty of ideas. Who do you think it was put him back together after you ripped him apart?"

That brought her up short. "I wasn't aware you two had been acquainted at that time." Her voice was all ice.

"Lotsa things you don't know about me - or him, apparently. He deserves so much better than you, and now he's got it." Ray turned with as much dignity as he could, considering the number of people now staring at the two of them, and stomped out of the restaurant.

Ray stretched like a cat on top of the covers of their bed in Tuktak - Tokyak - Tukta - "Fraser, where are we, again?"

"Tuktoyaktuk, Ray," floated Fraser's voice in from the bathroom. When offered their choice of cabins to stay in while they organized supplies for their journey, Ray had been insistent on one with indoor plumbing.

"Right. Thanks." Tuktoytuk - Tukayuk - what Fraser said. It was good to be indoors, on a real bed beside a real fire, where he could stretch out, completely naked in the crackling warmth without freezing his ass off. "You coming to bed anytime soon?"

"I'll be right there."

Disinclined towards patience, Ray arched himself closer to the fire, running his hand slowly up his thigh, over his stomach, enjoying the way the fire made his skin seem to glow, and the sparse golden hairs sparkle. He closed his eyes, basking in the sensation of comfort he'd been beginning to believe he would never experience again.

Tonight, for the first time in weeks, he could claim a roof over his head, a hot dinner before an even hotter shower, and a real mattress that wasn't made of snow. It seemed akin to heaven.

A sharp intake of breath from the bathroom doorway told him Fraser had returned. Ray opened his eyes, gave Fraser a slow, contented smile. "You coming to bed?"

Fraser didn't answer immediately, his eyes roaming over the lines and curves of Ray's body. "Ray, Ray, Ray...you're so beautiful."

"So c'mere." The Mountie was quick to shed the robe he'd donned after his own shower, leaving him as gloriously naked as Kowalski. "You're pretty good lookin' yourself, there, Fraser."

"Why thank you." Fraser leaned down to kiss Ray, brushing his fingers back through Ray's hair. Ray returned the kiss languidly, feeling in no hurry. It seemed as though forever stretched in front of them. Their tongues pressed against each other, then gave way in turn, neither demanding more than the other. The kiss continued, pulling Ray into it, and he felt his entire being focusing on that one point of connection to Fraser, as though that was the only part of him that was real. The rest of his body seemed to be floating, disconnected.

Except for his cock, which he could feel starting to get hard.

Ray finally broke away when the need to breathe became overwhelming. "Wow, Fraser, where'd you learn to kiss like that?" He put his hand over Fraser's mouth quickly as the Mountie got that "storytelling" look on his face. "Never mind; I don't wanna know that bad right now."

"Now what would you like to do, Ray?"

Fraser was sitting next to him close enough that if Ray twisted his hips, he could rub his half-erection against the Mountie's side. "I don't know. You got any ideas?"

Fraser stretched out beside Ray, leaning on one elbow with his face just above Ray's. Instead of answering the question, he lowered his head to just lightly brush his lips across the sensitive spot of skin right over Ray's jugular. Ray stretched his neck, tilting his head back to give Fraser easier access. "Guess that's a yes, huh?"

"Of course, Ray." Fraser rolled on top of him, pinning Ray's hands above his head. "To almost anything you would ever ask of me." Dropping his head again, he fastened his mouth over that same spot on Ray's throat, flicking his tongue across the delicate flesh. It made Ray squirm, but Fraser held his hands firmly. As hard as Fraser was sucking, Ray was certain it would leave a mark.

Not that he minded. There was something unbelievably sexy about having that physical reminder, visible proof that he was Fraser's and Fraser was his. "Yeah, Frase, yeah."

Now Kowalski was completely hard, but Fraser was carefully holding himself so that no part of his body touched Ray's erection. As much as he twisted, Ray couldn't move enough to rub it against anything. "Fraser, c'mon, help me out here."

"In good time, Ray." The Mountie had moved lower, was now trailing kisses and bites along Ray's collarbone, across his shoulder. Unable to do anything else, Ray surrendered to the sensations: the wet heat of Fraser's mouth, the dry heat of the firelight, the rough seams of the quilt below him, the silken skin of the Mountie above him.

First one nipple, then the other received Fraser's focused attention. Now Ray could hardly tell whether the warmth in his body was coming from outside or inside - from the fire in the hearth, or the fire Fraser was calling up inside him. And still Fraser had left his cock untouched.

As he moved lower to draw moist spirals around Kowalski's stomach with his tongue, Fraser released Ray's hands. Immediately Ray buried them in Fraser's hair, urging his head downward. "C'mon, Fraser, please," he begged, lifting his hips up off the bed for emphasis.

But there was no pity forthcoming from the Mountie. Patting Ray on the chest and smiling cheerfully, Fraser bypassed Ray's midsection to move down to Ray's feet. "What are you doing?"

The question was answered by Fraser's mouth wrapping around one of Ray's big toes. His tongue worked in between that toe and the next, sending little sparks of pleasure to Ray's brain that all but made his eyes roll back in his head. Strong fingers massaged the arch of his foot as Fraser gave affectionate attention to each toe, one by one. "God, Frase, you're killing me here."

Still, Fraser said nothing. Trailing light touches up Ray's calves, he lifted Ray's legs to grant his mouth access to the back of Ray's knees. The sensitivity of that spot was completely unexpected to Ray, and he moaned and squirmed as Fraser drew meaningless symbols with his tongue. Every nerve in Ray's body was screaming with the sensations. "Fraser...."

Unrelenting, Fraser moved up to Ray's thighs, staying carefully clear of his genitals. Now he had to use one arm to hold Ray's hips still, as alternating light brushes, tender kisses, and firm massaging had Ray struggling beneath him.

"Do you want me, Ray?"

"What?" Overwhelmed with raw, sensual pleasure, Ray wasn't certain he'd even heard the intense whisper.

"Do you want me?"

"Yes, god, yes."

"Do you love me?"

"More than anything, Fraser. Forever. I love you. Please...."

The feel of Fraser sliding into him was almost too much to bear. Ray bucked, too stimulated to find a rhythm, till Fraser took hold of his hips once more and controlled both their movements. Ray couldn't hold on, already so close to the edge. Squeezing his knees against Fraser's side, he cried out as his body exploded.

Fraser seemed to have been nearly as close as he, and only required a few more strokes before he came inside Ray, his body arched over Ray's, his eyes unfocused with pleasure. The Mountie leaned down once more to kiss Ray, sealing their lovemaking with what felt like a promise of what was to come.

After taking a moment to recover, Fraser retrieved a towel from the bathroom to wipe them both clean. Ray slid under the covers when Fraser went to return it, holding them aside from Fraser when he came back to bed. The Mountie climbed in beside him, pulling Ray into his arms to rest against his chest. "Together, Ray."

"Partners, Frase."

"Always."

Ray drifted off to sleep, peaceful, content, happier than he could ever remember being.

The phone seemed unnaturally loud in the city-dark stillness of the room. Ray fumbled for the receiver as he glanced at the clock - only 9 pm - it felt later. "Vecchio residence," he answered automatically. He'd come up after dinner to just lie down, and could only assume he'd fallen asleep.

"Ray?"

"Benny!" That woke him up. "How are you - what's going on up there in Canada - you are still in Canada, right?"

"Indeed, we are. How are you?"

Unconsciously, Ray shifted around. He was still sore all over, but it was a good kind of sore, a healing kind of sore. "Much better, thanks. They gave me my pension - I'm a free man."

"That's excellent, Ray. I'm so glad to hear it."

"And I hear you're quite the hero up there. Caught the bad guy. Way to go - I never doubted you for a second." It was so good to hear Fraser's voice. In the darkness it seemed to come out of the phone to surround him like a warm blanket, and for a moment the thousands of miles that separated them didn't seem so far. "You and everybody okay?"

"Everyone came through very well."

Laying back onto his pillow, Ray held the phone to his ear with his shoulder, idly twisting the cord around his finger. "Can't wait to hear all about it. When are you coming home?"

There was a pause on the other end, an uncomfortable silence. "Ray...."

"Come on, Benny, spit it out. What's going on?"

When Fraser spoke, his words were slow, measured. "Ray and I won't be coming home for a while. We're taking a trip - an adventure."

Ray hadn't quite been prepared to hear that. Even with that having been his goal - Fraser over him and moved on to blonder pastures, he'd expected Fraser to still be here - for them both to be here. "What kind of adventure?"

"Ray, I-"

"No, c'mon, Benny, I think this is great. You two make a good team. You think I don't know what's going on there? He loves you, and you love him, and that's a pretty good thing. I'm happy for you. And an adventure - that should make you both real happy." Wild horses couldn't have dragged out an admission of how he really felt. "You are coming home...eventually, right?"

"Of course, Ray." Another pregnant pause. "Are you sure this is all right?"

Ray couldn't help the small smile that crept to his lips. "Sure. I'll miss you, but what's a bit more time apart between friends, right?"

"Right, you are." Silence fell once again, but this time it was all right, a moment of communion between them. Fraser broke it with a deep breath Ray could feel all the way in Chicago, the Mountie shaking himself free of the momentary melancholy. "How are things in Chicago?"

"Well, you know, everything's fallen apart since you left. Huey and Dewey have quit the force, Frannie's pregnant, and Stella and I are moving to Florida to open up a bowling alley."

"You and Ms. Kowalski are what?"

In the background, Ray heard another familiar voice react to Fraser's statement. "Stella - what's he talking about Stella? Gimme that!" There was the brief sound of a scuffle, and then Kowalski's voice was on the other end of the line.

"Vecchio, what are you doing with my wife?"

"She's your ex-wife, Stanley, and I promise I'm not doing anything with her you haven't."

Kowalski was practically sputtering. "You keep your linguini-eating, greasy, bald hands off my Stella."

"Sure thing. Soon as you stop touching my Mountie."

"You...I...Vecchio..."

"Put Fraser back on the line, Raymond."

And Ray was gone, replaced by Fraser's unruffled calm. "Perhaps it would be better if you two discussed this at a later date."

"Probably. Hey, you take care of him, Benny. He's a good kid."

This time, there was no missing the warmth in Fraser's voice. "I promise, Ray."

"And you look after yourself, too. I don't want to be hearing about something happening to you two out in the middle of nowhere."

"Actually, Ray, if something were to happen to us in the middle of nowhere, the likelihood of your hearing about it would be-"

"Fraser."

"Yes, Ray?"

"Just agree with me here."

"Yes, Ray. Of course, Ray. I promise."

And there it was. Fraser and Kowalski were leaving for parts unknown, and life would fall back to the way it had been before Fraser. "I'm gonna miss you, Benny."

"And I you, Ray."

"Be good. Write me. Come home to me."

"Before you know it. Good-bye. Good luck with Ms. Kowalski."

"Bye." The last part registered just a moment late. "Hey, I wasn't serious about-" but he was speaking to a dead line.

Re-cradling the phone, Ray wrapped his arms around his pillow and stared up at the ceiling. "I love you, Benny. Always."

From a bed in a cabin in Tuktoyaktuk, 5:35 am:

Feel sleepy, but it's a good kinda sleepy. It's early - real early, but that's okay. Gonna be plenty of time for sleep later. Now, I just wanna watch him - Fraser. Fraser. Don't know how I got this lucky, but I'm sure not gonna argue about it. Nope. My luck, my partner, my Mountie.

And we're going on an adventure. Kinda scary, the wilds of Canada and all, but I can't be scared knowing Fraser's gonna be there. With me. Always. Snow and wild animals and ice cracks can't hurt me, long as Fraser is there.

Never letting go of him. We're gonna find the reaching hand, the two of us, because when I'm with him, I feel like I can do anything. And I will. Anything.

From the bathroom sink in a cabin in Tuktoyaktuk, 05:36 hrs:

I can feel his eyes on me as I shave, the warmth of his gaze. It feels good. I know it's earlier than he's used to being awake, than he likes to be awake, and I suspect he'll go back to sleep. That's all right. It's enough to just know he's there.

Ray. What adventures we'll have, here in my home, in Canada. I cannot tell you how good it feels to be home, what it means to me you want to stay here with me and explore. Nothing could make me happier.

And Ray, my absent Ray - when we do return to Chicago, the knowledge that you are there will take some of the sting from having to once again leave my home. My friend, always my friend, even if we are no longer partners the way I thought I wanted. You knew best - you knew. Thank you for knowing, for giving me this, for giving me him.

Ray. You are a part of me, half of my being, and nothing will ever take that from us. How could I have not seen it? Thank you for having patience, for loving me enough to stay beside me, despite everything.

Together, we can do anything.

From a bed in the Vecchio home, 5:37 am:

Can't believe it's almost morning. Not that it matters - it's not like I have a job I have to get to. Could just lounge in bed all day if I felt like it. Probably will feel like it, but God knows Ma'll have a fit, fussing all over me if I do that. I'll never convince her I'm healing like this.

He's gone, really gone. Guess I never really believed it all the way till I heard him say it. Sure, he'll be back. Eventually. But he'll never be back, not the way it was. The way I always wanted it to be.

But this was what I wanted, right? What I worked for. For the best. Keep telling yourself that, Vecchio. It's all for the best. Maybe after enough times, you'll even believe it.

Miss you, Benny. Hell, I even think I might miss Ray. Funny, isn't it? But there it is. Don't stay out there too long. Come home to me. Someday, please, come home.