The Aaron Copland Tetralogy Stella by Starlight

Those of you who read my work may be aware that my titles often come from songs. This is because I can't do anything in life without music. For those who don't know, Aaron Copland was a composer who, amongst other achievements, wrote a book about music called 'What to Listen For in Music'. Over the last fifty years since its first printing, this book has proven to be a seminal work and is referred to by musicians and critics alike. Music is such an important part of my life and it made me think about how some of our characters might see music in their lives. This tetralogy is the result.

Tal Farlow was a jazz guitarist and a contemporary of Charlie Christian. If you haven't heard his music, you should.

This series is my very first attempt at first person writing.

Stella by Starlight

by Carol Trendall

Did you ever have a 'song'? You know, one that reminds you of someone that you can never hear without thinking of them? I do, and I never thought I would ever listen to it again, much less buy a copy of it. But I did; the shiny new CD sitting on my coffee table is real and I will play it.

Stella laughed the first time I played it for her. We were eighteen then. She told me I was a geek and that the really cool guys were listening to Lou Reed and Talking Heads. I guess she was right in some ways. I mean, how many eighteen year olds are rummaging around in their dad's jazz collection? How many eighteen year olds have even heard of Tal Farlow?

I guess I should have seen it as a sign, but how could I have known it back then? How could I know that Stella didn't hear the magic? How could I know she didn't see things the way I did? Back then, I thought she was heaven on earth. You could say I was young and my hormones were talking louder than any other part of me.

Stella didn't hear Tal Farlow's haunting jazz guitar the way I did and me, being the insecure geek I was then, never tried to explain it to her. I just knew it was our song. So I kept my mouth shut and played it sometimes when I came home from a date with her. For me it was part of the soundtrack I fell in love to. It made me feel good. What I said to Fraser that time was right; inside I'm a poet.

I didn't play it for her again until the night I proposed. We were older then and Stella was in love enough not to laugh this time. When I asked her if she liked it better than the first time I played it, she said she didn't even remember me playing it before. I guess I should have seen that as a sign, too.

When the time came to organise the wedding she asked me what song I wanted for our dance. A couple's first dance as husband and wife is pretty significant and I knew exactly the song I wanted to dance to. I had waited years for this chance. Stella by Starlight by Tal Farlow, I told her. She said she'd never heard of it. Yeah, I know I should have seen that as a sign, too.

I played it for her one more time. We'd been going through a rough patch, fighting and arguing all the time. We were both working long hours and trying to get ahead. Stella had her first major case and I was sitting for the detective exam. I figured I'd try something special to see if that could make things better, so I splurged a huge chunk of my beat cop salary on two lobsters and a bottle of expensive champagne.

After we drank the champagne and ate the lobsters, I asked her to dance. I played Stella by Starlight. She snuggled up well enough and when we made love on the living room rug it was nice enough, but something was missing. It took me a while to realise what it was. Stella was falling out of love.

A week later she told me she wanted a divorce.

After that I put the Tal Farlow album to the back of the stack and never played it again. It had become the soundtrack to the end of our marriage and I couldn't listen to it. I don't know what ever happened to the record. Maybe Stella took it when she left. Isn't that the ultimate irony?

So why did I buy the CD today and I why am I going to listen to it tonight? The answer is a simple one and no one would believe me if I told them.

Rice.

Well, more specifically, Fraser and rice.

Fraser told me a story after we made love last night, when we were snuggling and talking the way I like to do. It's funny, when we first started seeing each other he wasn't much of a talker, in bed or out. It took a while with me asking him to tell me how he felt and what he thought, but we got there eventually. He's a natural storyteller anyway and once the barrier was gone, he started talking so much I couldn't stop him. Now he tells me everything that's going on in his head and it's kind of nice.

He told me the strangest thing and at first I didn't get it. He told me he had boiled rice for lunch. Now Fraser never says anything without a reason, so I knew there was more to it than that. Then he told me hadn't eaten boiled rice for more than ten years. When I asked why he told me something he had never told anyone before.

I knew the story about him and Victoria Metcalf. He told me all about it when we first started sleeping together and we did the whole past lovers confession thing. Plus, I looked up the file. I knew about the mountain and the snowstorm and the poem, but I didn't know about the rice.

He told me that when they finally got down the mountain and found his pack, the first meal they ate was rice, boiled in melted snow in his canteen over a small fire. After three days, he said it was the best thing he had ever eaten.

Since then, he couldn't eat rice without thinking about Victoria. Even after her return and all the shit she put him through, a part of him was still in love with the woman he had shared rice with on the mountain. So he didn't eat rice.

Until yesteday.

Last night Fraser told me that our relationship was so strong it had wiped away the past and his memories of Victoria and now he was ready for a commitment. He said that I had touched something deep inside that no one had ever reached before. Not even Victoria and her rice.

I didn't know what to say at the time. After putting up with Stella's coldness, I've managed to turn off the part of me that would have responded appropriately to that admission. But I thought about it all day today and now I'm going to see if I've let go of the past.

When Fraser gets here tonight I want to be able to tell him that if he can eat rice, I can listen to Stella by Starlight.

Comments welcome at mullum@tig.com.au