Rated R for m/m premise and sex. If this kind of thing offends you, then what are you doing on this list in the first place? :) There are also a a few slightly icky things mentioned in this story. You have been warned!
This is the fourth story in a series. While each of the other stories can stand pretty much on its own, to really understand everything that's going on in this story, you do need to have read the others. They are on the archive; if anyone has trouble retrieving them I can email them to you. The other stories are: "Questions", "Advice and its Aftermath", and "Together".
Disclaimer: Not my characters, only my story. Don't worry, there's no permanent damage to Ray or Fraser. I won't make any profit from this story, and suing me wouldn't be worthwhile due to... (all together now) the terrible rand/dollar exchange rate.
By T'Mar
tmar@ohm.fast.co.za
"I said no, Ray," Fraser told his friend, partner and lover very quietly. "I... I don't want to hurt you again."
Ray sighed. This has been going on for weeks, ever since Fraser had hurt him very slightly during a rather... boisterous lovemaking session in their new apartment. Ray couldn't believe that *he* was the one who was asking for this. A few months ago, he'd refused point blank to do any such thing, and now... He confessed to himself that he missed it. There was no feeling as profound as when he was inside Benny, and when Benny was inside him. He'd never thought it would become something he *needed*, but he did. He knew Fraser needed it too, probably more than he did, but he also knew Fraser was terrified.
That last time... Fraser had stared at Ray, at the blood, and run into the bathroom to throw up. It had taken a lot for Ray to calm him down, to say that it wasn't so bad. He'd even endured a doctor's visit, for crying out loud, in the hope that it would mollify his partner. And for a while, Fraser had seemed okay. But now, every time he brought the subject up, Fraser would refuse.
They could do anything else and it didn't bother the Mountie... but this was a no-no.
"Benny," Ray sighed, "I want you. I want you *that* way. And I want you to want me like that, too."
"Ray, you can have me any way you want. But I... I can't..."
"It isn't fair, then, Benny, is it?"
Benny sighed as well, getting that lecturing tone in his voice. "Ray, most same-sex couples..."
"Don't say it, Benny. How do you know this stuff, anyway?"
"I read, and I ask questions, Ray. As I was saying, you seem to be keeping a scorecard. In most relationships of this nature, people just do what they like best, and they don't count who does what and when."
"Maybe they should."
"No, Ray."
"So lemme get this straight. You'll let *me* make love to *you*, but you won't make love to me."
Fraser didn't like the way Ray had put that, but that was exactly right. "That would be essentially correct."
"Forget it, Benny. It's all or nothing, I told you that when we began."
"Things changed, Ray."
"What changed?!" And now Ray *was* yelling. "So you got carried away. It was a small thing, Fraser."
"And next time it might not be."
"Oh, so that's what this is about. You love me so much you think you'll lose control again."
"Yes, Ray."
Ray had no answer to that one. What possible reply could there be? He sighed, deeply. Damn Fraser for being so stubborn!
Ray sighed as he sat talking to their doctor friend. "He just refuses," he was saying. "No matter what I say, he says no. And I can't bring myself to... well, you know... if he won't do the same for me."
Carol Thompson sighed sympathetically. She had grown extremely fond of the cop and the Mountie - and she loved the wolf - and she tried to help, but this time it seemed Fraser didn't want to listen. "Is that the only problem you've had... with that? No, er, 'accidents'?" She wondered if something like that might not have freaked Fraser out, as well.
Ray shrugged. "Well, sure, but that's a minor thing. We knew it was gonna be messy before we started. That doesn't bother me. Or Benny."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. It was when he saw the blood that Benny freaked. Doc, you gotta help me. I love Benny, but this is starting to become a problem. We're so good together, but when I bring that up, wham! He gets stubborn."
Carol didn't think that talking to Fraser would help. He'd seen some rather unpleasant consequences and nothing would change that fact. "Have you tried... I dunno, not bringing it up? Leaving it alone for a while?"
"Yeah. I waited, and waited, and finally I asked him. And he said no."
The doc sighed again. "Ray, you might have to resign yourself to the fact that this form of sexual expression is closed to you. After all, weren't you the one who didn't want it?"
"I changed my mind, okay?"
"Okay. Look," and she got up, walking towards her office door, "why don't you go away, go somewhere quiet, where you can concentrate on each other, somewhere that doesn't remind you of what happened."
Ray looked hopeful. "Well, Benny and I have been planning to fix up his father's cabin for years..." He trailed off. "But it's up in Canada's Northwest Territories. If he does come around and something goes wrong, we're miles from a doctor."
Carol went to a cabinet and began taking out medical supplies. "I say go for it. Here." She shoved some things into a box and handed it to him. "Barring serious injury, this should see you through. Not that I expect anything like that to happen, not with you two." She patted Ray on the shoulder. "You can't live your life worrying, Ray. Go up there, fix up Benton's father's cabin, and see what happens."
Ray smiled at her. "So that's your advice, huh?"
"Yes. That's my advice."
Ray hugged her suddenly, and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks, Doc." He left with the medical supplies, and as she watched him go Carol hoped that things would work out. If any two people made a good couple, it was the cop and the Mountie.
Fraser, of course, suspected ulterior motives when Ray suggested they go up to the cabin. But, he had been meaning to fix it up, and he did miss home. So he agreed.
This time Ray let Fraser take the lead in the travel accommodations, the weighing in of their bags, the discussion of their destination with the pilot. He couldn't help feeling that the last time they'd come up here, their faux-pilot had jumped out of the plane due to his interference. Ray had, however, arranged for the bathroom fixtures to be delivered. In fact, they were on the same plane, but he hadn't told Benny. He'd promised to buy the bathroom, and he had. He'd read up on plumbing, on what was required to put an inside bathroom in a place where there was so sewer system... And it would be a lot of work. That was why he'd arranged for a local plumbing firm to come out early and do all the work that he and Benny wouldn't be able to do.
It made Ray happy to do things like this for Benny... Well, for Benny and himself. If it made Benny happy, it would make him happy.
When they got to their destination, the pilot let them take all their bags off, and turned to Fraser. "What about the fixtures?"
Fraser looked confused. "I'm sorry?"
"The bathroom fixtures."
Fraser looked at Ray who just said, "Surprise!"
"You bought bathroom fixtures, Ray?"
"Well, of course I did, Benny. I promised you long ago. Besides, they're more for my comfort than yours."
The look in his eyes said more than that, and the pilot could sense the undercurrents. He cleared his throat. "Er... what are we going to do with them?"
"Just unload 'em here," Ray said. "We'll figure something out."
So together they unloaded: a sink, toilet bowl, oddly shaped bath, and taps of various kinds.
"We can borrow a snowmobile from the local RCMP office," Fraser said after everything was unloaded. "I'm sure they won't mind."
And in fact, they didn't. It took two trips to get everything up to the cabin, but soon it was all there. Fraser went in, seeing the damage that had been done - and some of it was due to the fact that it had been standing here in this condition getting snowed on for nearly two years. But on the one side of the cabin were excavations and pipes.
"Ray?"
"Yeah, Benny?" Ray was breathing heavily, having just hauled the sink inside.
"What are these?"
"Oh, that's for the plumbing, you know. No water-borne sewer system way out here."
"Ah. And this means that the bathroom will go..."
"Well, here," said Ray, pointing to where he'd decided the bathroom would be.
Fraser smiled - for the first time, his tension seemed to be ebbing. Maybe Ray hadn't dragged him up here for nefarious reasons... He'd been worried about that, that Ray would come up here and nag him. "That bath seems an odd shape," he mused.
"That's because it's more of a jacuzzi," Ray said. "Big enough for two."
"Ray, that's a..." He'd been about to say 'simple extravagance', but Ray cut him off.
"Luxury, Benny, and why not!" He paused. "My sister picked this model. She said if she was going to be up here with you, she'd want..." He trailed off. Perhaps he shouldn't mention what Frannie had said.
But Benny could guess. "I can imagine. And you went along with it?"
"Frannie's blind when it comes to her own relationships, but she's pretty sharp about mine... well, ours. She knew I'd like it. And I think you will, too, if you give it a try." Ray leered at Fraser a little, and Fraser blushed. He knew Ray had always wanted to try that - to 'do it' in water, as he'd once said. But so far, all they'd managed was to fool around in the shower.
"All right, Ray." He smiled back; he wasn't very good at leering.
Their first priority was to get the walls done and the roof on, before more snows came. Luckily they had come here in summer, so the days were very long. Despite that, it took the better part of two weeks just to assess the damage and get the walls built. Of course, since they were in essence building the bathroom all by themselves, it was logical that it took long.
Before the roof was on, Fraser draped a tarp over everything to protect them from the elements. And during the two weeks, they hardly made love at all. Fraser's constant refusal had made Ray feel rather... well, distant. He wanted Benny as much as ever, but the thought that they couldn't do something they both wanted made Ray reluctant to initiate anything. Fraser did once or twice, and it seemed to be enough to hold, kiss and touch each other.
However, they had time. Ray had accumulated a lot of leave and had taken nearly all of it at once. Fraser had asked Thatcher for leave as well, and since he had also accumulated a lot, she'd agreed. She hadn't asked why he wanted the leave, she hadn't said a thing, she'd just granted it once he'd filled in the proper request forms. Fraser knew that they would never speak about anything personal ever again - but, strangely, that seemed to improve their working relationship. She had softened towards him a little, but was never anything but correct with him. It had made things easier for both of them.
In the middle of the third week, the roof was on. Now all they had to do was finish the bathroom and get some furniture for the rest of the place. Ray stayed at the cabin to install the fittings while Fraser went off looking for - at the least - a decent bed, a table and some chairs. He came back many hours later, again with a borrowed snowmobile and trailer, bearing the required items, the Mountie whose snowmobile it was tagging along to help.
Ray hadn't finished, but most of the things were installed. The bathroom looked very out of place in the rustic cabin, but Ray didn't care. A man's bathroom was his throne. Or something.
Fraser and his colleague carried the furniture in.
"Cool bed, Benny!" Ray said as he came into the main cabin, smiling. It was bigger than your average double bed. Ray grinned, imagining all the things they could get up to in a bed that size. He went over to Benny, and had almost hugged him when he saw the look of shock on the other Mountie's face. He stepped away, frowning.
Fraser realised what had happened. Nobody up here knew about the two of them. As far as anybody knew, they had been just two friends rebuilding the cabin. And he wasn't ashamed of his feelings for Ray, but he didn't complete the gesture either. He introduced them instead. "Ray, this is Constable Hayes." He turned to his colleague. "Constable, this is my..." A long hesitation. Partner? Lover? Friend? 'Lover' wasn't a word he much liked, but it would save time and speculation. "... This is my lover, Detective Vecchio." Fraser was amazed at himself. Only months ago, he would never have been able to say something like that.
"How do you do," the other Constable said, still looking rather stunned. Neither of the lovers cared, of course. "Uh... would you like any help? With the furniture, I mean?" he asked, just wanting to get out of here. Wait till the people back at the post heard about this!
"Nah, I think we've got it covered," replied Ray.
"Thank you kindly," said Fraser.
"No problem. Glad to help." And the young Mountie was out of there in a hurry.
"He's gonna tell everyone, you realise," Ray said.
"Of course, Ray. That's why I said what I did. It'll save time."
"And this won't cause problems?"
"I don't believe so."
That seemed to settle it. It took another few days to get everything in order, but by the middle of the fourth week the cabin was pretty much restored to its former glory. Well, not so much its former glory, since it hadn't been much more than a shack anyway, but it was restored.
The two friends stood outside, admiring it. "Looks good, huh, Benny?" Ray asked, wanting to try out the jacuzzi desperately.
"Yes, it does, Ray."
Ray still had misgivings about the sexual side of things, now that they no longer had hard work and fatigue as excuses not to make love. But he did love Benny, and he did want Benny. He wanted to make love to Benny desperately... and he wanted Benny inside him. The memory of Benny against him, filling him, touching him was almost too much to bear. And he wanted it again, very badly. Now was the time to think about how he was going to accomplish this. "Benny..." he lowered his voice until it was no more than a sensual whisper. "You wanna break in the cabin?"
"There are only two rooms, Ray," his partner pointed out, sounding disappointed.
"Well, we can break them in a few times each, then," Ray said, pulling Fraser into his arms and kissing him soundly.
Fraser opened his mouth to the kiss, feeling for the first time since they had come up here, that maybe things between them could go back to normal, without the restraint they'd both felt since that fateful day when Thatcher had so distressed him that he'd lost control. He could feel Ray's tongue moulding itself to the roof of his mouth, then withdrawing, then repeating the procedure. It was guaranteed to drive him crazy with desire, and it did. He managed to break away. "Ray..." He was breathing hard, wanting Ray very badly.
Ray pulled back slightly, keeping his arms around him. "Yeah, Benny?"
"Let's go inside."
Ray just smiled, and they walked into the cabin.
Once inside, Fraser pulled Ray over to the new bed, pushing him onto his back and pulling his clothes off haphazardly, while Ray only managed to get Benny's shirt untucked. Before he could say or do anything more, Fraser was lying on top of him, kissing him again, and he could feel Benny's arousal right through the jeans he was wearing. He had a fleeting thought of asking now, but he knew this wasn't the right time. He pushed Benny until their mouths parted. "Wh... what, Ray?" Fraser was flushed, his desire all over his face.
"Clothes, Benny. Off."
"Oh." Fraser stood up and quickly took off everything. Looking at Ray, he realised that Ray still had his shirt on - albeit completely unbuttoned and pushed down off his shoulders, and his pants and underwear were tangled around his feet. Benny offered Ray his hand and Ray sat up, letting Benny finish undressing him.
Fraser lay back down on top of Ray again, resuming where they'd left off, kissing him hungrily. Their bodies were pressed closely together, and Ray knew that there'd be no asking or arguing this time. Their erections were touching, but that was all; they were concentrating on the kiss for the moment, on the feel of naked skin... Finally Ray's hand came up and he caressed Benny's back, his rear, his neck... just concentrating on how good Benny felt.
When Benny's mouth left his to trail kisses down his throat and onto his chest, Ray pressed his head back into their improvised pillow and abandoned himself to the sensations as Benny suckled first one nipple and then the other. The sensations stopped abruptly as Benny moved up his body again, now apparently needing the contact of Ray's penis against his own.
He thrust slowly at first, against Ray, never saying a word but looking into those beautiful, expressive hazel eyes. "Benny... G-d..." Ray mumbled as Benny's body drove his own nearer sensation overload.
"I love you, Ray," Fraser said suddenly, thrusting one final time, and then there was wet stickiness against him. As soon as Ray felt this, he hooked his legs around Benny's, tightened his grip, and rolled them over ('Aha - knew the large bed would come in handy,' he thought) so that he was on top, controlling his own release as he came, adding to the seed between them.
Ray looked down at Benny, breathing hard from his exertions, and felt more than ever that he had to have him within his body again. It was a raw, urgent need that he'd never dreamed he'd feel. After all the things he'd been through, everything he'd seen, everything he *knew* about this sex act, he would never have thought he could want it... no, *need* it the way he did. But he did, and he knew Benny did too.
"I love you, Benny," Ray said as he moved to the side, grabbing one of the blankets Fraser had brought with them and settling it over them. It was the first time they had made love this way in over two months. Since the... incident... Fraser had seemed content for them to use their hands, and occasionally their mouths. But Ray had felt the need to express his love more deeply, more profoundly. This was a start, at least.
Fraser woke to an empty bed the next morning. "Ray?"
Ray came out of the bathroom looking pleased with himself. "I'm here, Benny." He leaned over and kissed his friend, and Fraser smelt something.
"Ray, that smells like... roses."
"Good guess, Benny. It's bubble bath."
"Bubble bath?!" Fraser was rather surprised. Ray, who hated doing *anything* stereotypically 'gay', using bubble bath??
Ray sat down, smiling at him with a decidedly evil look in his eyes. "I know, I know. But who's gonna see while we're up here, huh? And if I want you to smell like roses..." He trailed off, casually running a hand across Fraser's midriff.
Fraser smiled at him. "You want us to use the bath?"
"Jacuzzi, Benny."
"Well, actually, Ray, 'Jacuzzi' is the brand name of..." He didn't get to finish because Ray kissed him then and shut him up.
"Yeah, I want us to use the jacuzzi, Benny. And not just for bathing."
"Oh." Fraser said it in a very knowing tone. Unknown to him, Ray had arranged for lubricant *and* the medical kit to be near by... just in case. He was determined that Benny would make love to him. No matter what happened, he would.
"Come on." He led the way into the bathroom, shedding the briefs he'd been wearing. Fraser hadn't put anything on when he'd gotten out of bed, so now they were both naked.
Ray stepped into the jacuzzi, and Fraser followed. There was a seat along one side, and they sat there together, enjoying the feel of water and foam swirling around them. It was very sensual and very soothing.
They sat there for about fifteen minutes before either of them moved. Ray was the one to touch Benny... He ran one finger down the side of Benny's face, then put it under his chin, and moved his head closer so that their lips met. Moist heat, both around them and inside them, made thought difficult as their arms went around one another and they held on for dear life, never wanting this to end.
But finally they pulled apart, and Ray said, "How about you let me wash you, huh, Benny?" He held up a bar of Mountie-issue soap. Funny how he'd thought of everything except soap - this had been all there was.
They'd washed each other before, during showers, but something told Fraser that this would be different.
And it was. Ray washed his arms, letting his hand linger, rinsing each arm in the swirling water... Then his torso, light caresses with the soap and the bubbles... his back... just fingertips and soap... legs... Finally, he came to Benny's feet. Each toe was washed, and caressed, and the sensations became too much. Benny let out a groan of pleasure at what Ray was doing. It seemed that all the nerves in his body were concentrated in his feet. Surely Ray was finished by now!
Ray certainly was, but he didn't intend to stop. He rinsed off each foot, and started again, using more bubbles this time, until Fraser thought he would climax from just having his feet washed so sensually. He was harder than ever, and he wanted... Oh, he wanted... He didn't care what, he just wanted release, for this exquisite torture to stop. "Ray!"
Ray's hand froze. This was what he'd been waiting for. "Yeah?"
"Please..." It was little more than a hoarse whisper.
"What, Benny? What do you want?" He resumed his attentions to Benny's feet.
"Please..." He didn't *know* what he wanted, he just wanted... he admitted it - he just wanted to come, but he couldn't bring himself to say that to Ray.
Ray stopped again. "Tell me, Benny, or nothing happens."
Fraser swallowed, then breathed in as much air as he could. "You... you're torturing me."
"But it's so good, isn't it?" There was a strange tone in Ray's voice, one Fraser hadn't heard before.
"Yes."
"Then tell me."
"I want... Ray, please..."
"Nope." He caressed Benny's feet more slowly, prolonging the torture. "You have to tell me."
Fraser was seconds away from touching himself and ending it, but he'd never done that in front of Ray before, and he was amazed that he could still be shy. Besides, he wanted Ray's touch, not his own. "I... Ray, I need... I need you to touch me."
"Why, Benny?"
"You know why."
"You have to say it."
"I need... release." Even that made him close his eyes.
"Say it, Benny. No more euphemisms." Ray could feel the tension in Benny, and in himself. This had gone on too long. But there was no way he could stop now, not when they were so close. He had to make Benny say it, to break down yet another barrier...
"I need to come." There, he'd said it. It was strange, but he felt an odd relief at having been able to say it.
"Only if you make love to me." Ray dropped his bombshell.
"No!" Fraser tried to struggle out of the tub, but Ray had managed to get a good grip on his feet, and he couldn't move. He could feel Ray's nails digging into his flesh.
Ray looked at him, his eyes brooking no compromises. "Yes, Benny." He knew that in a minute he'd push Benny too far, but he wanted to. He needed to. He needed Benny inside him, and he wasn't going to take no for an answer, not anymore. He lifted Benny's left foot and began to suck each toe, while massaging the right foot with his other hand. "Yes, Benny," he said again, stopping briefly. "You have to make love to me. I need it. I need you." He moved to the other foot and repeated what he'd just done. He felt the familiar tremors in Fraser's body, and stopped short. If he kept this up Benny would come anyway, and he didn't want that, not until they were joined, until they were one.
Coherent thought had fled from Fraser when he had felt Ray's mouth on his toes. He was trying to remember the reasons that making love to Ray this way was not a good idea, but he couldn't. He had to do something, anything. He needed it, needed Ray. He needed... "We... we need..." Fraser's breathing made him stop talking.
Ray reached under a strategically placed towel. "Here." He handed the tube to Fraser and moved up, leaning over the edge of the tub, so that the lubricant wouldn't be washed away by the water. Benny didn't want to do this, he knew, but he also knew that he was too far gone to refuse. Then he felt a sudden movement as Fraser worked the lubricant into him, and none too gently either. But he didn't care, all he wanted was for Benny to get over this silly fixation of his.
"Now, Benny, do it now."
And Fraser did, moving up behind him on the step of the tub, using one hand for positioning and the other to brace himself.
Ray relaxed as he felt Benny enter him, and he knew he had been right to force the issue. Ha - force the issue, that was a good one. And Fraser began to move against him, slowly at first, but speeding up far more quickly than he ever had before. Ray realised that his friend... his *lover* wasn't holding back this time, he was doing what Ray had asked, probably in the hope that Ray wouldn't like it and stop making the request.
But Ray did like it - the pleasure-pain was intense, and the emotional consequences of having Benny inside him were even more so. Ray reached down to touch his own erection just as he felt Fraser thrust harder and then climax. Then a hand came around to cover Ray's, and together they touched Ray until he, too, got his release.
They collapsed together in the water. Ray turned to look into Benny's eyes, but instead of seeing acceptance, all he saw was... regret. No, anger. Benny was angry with him. "Benny?"
"You had no right to do that, Ray."
"Yeah, I did. I wanted you, Benny. Reasoning with you didn't work so I figured I'd try a different, you know, approach."
"Stand up."
"Huh?"
"I said stand up, Ray." It was a command, so Ray stood up in the tub. He felt Fraser turn him around, parting him so that he could see.
"Benny?" Ray wanted to ask, but he knew what Fraser was doing. He just didn't like it.
"There's no blood this time, Ray."
"There, you see?" He tried to turn, but Fraser held him immobile, facing away. "Benny?" No answer. "Fraser!"
No answer this time, but then he felt... oh, G-d! Benny was... touching him there... with his tongue.
"Benny, what...?" He couldn't even form the words as Benny's tongue slid into him, doing things to him that he had known about, but never once considered. And he had never thought that Benny would know about it, either. The sensations were almost too much, and Ray needed more... "Benny..."
But Benny's mouth was occupied, and he didn't answer. Ray reached for Benny's hand, wanting Benny to touch him where he needed it most, but Benny pulled his hand away, and Ray suddenly realised what Benny was doing - revenge. Revenge for making him lose control again, for making him perform an act he hadn't wanted to. He was about to reach down and touch himself when Benny stopped his ministrations.
"No, Ray, I want you to make love to me." He reached around and just, just touched Ray's erection, causing Ray to flinch visibly. "And no holding back."
Ray couldn't refuse, not when Benny had already made love to him. He knew why Benny was doing this, and he supposed it made sense. "Okay, but can we do this in the bedroom? The water's getting cold."
Fraser strode from the tub completely naked, and Ray followed with the tube of lubricant. Benny was already lying face-down on the bed, making the blanket all damp, since he hadn't bothered to dry off. But Ray hardly noticed as he climbed on beside Benny, wanting him, wanting this. He worked the lubricant into Benny as fast as he could, and spread it on himself even faster.
Benny looked back at him with that same angry expression. "Now, Ray."
Ray did as he was told - he entered Benny, but rather slowly.
"No, Ray, you're holding back." And Fraser pushed backwards, so that Ray was suddenly all the way inside him.
And it was good. Ray admitted it - it was the most wonderful thing he could experience, to love Benny like this. But Benny didn't seem in the mood for loving, as he moved backwards, seeming to want things to get out of control. And the sensations overcame Ray, as he moved then, quickly, the way Benny had... It didn't take long for him to rush over the boundary of pleasure, and he cried out Benny's name this time and fell to lie across his back.
They lay there like that for a long time; finally, Ray realised that Benny hadn't obtained any pleasure. He moved away, checking automatically for blood. There wasn't any, thank goodness. The other stains... well, they were used to those.
Ray sat up, as Fraser turned over and asked, "Was that pleasurable, Ray?"
The detective wasn't sure how to reply - lie?? But he couldn't lie, not to Benny. "Yeah, Benny, it was." He stopped, wondering if Benny had gotten anything out of it. "Benny, you... I mean, was that okay?"
"There was more pain, this time, but there was more pleasure as well." He looked into his lover's eyes. "Is that what you felt... that day at the apartment?"
"Yeah, Benny." Ray leaned down to kiss him, but Fraser turned away. "What is it?"
"Ray... you tricked me. That's tantamount to lying. I do love you, but this was almost..." He stopped before saying it.
Ray said it for him. "Rape?"
Fraser closed his eyes. "No, not that. But you made me do something I wasn't ready to do. I don't want to feel nervous when we make love, Ray."
"Benny..." Ray was beginning to wish he'd never gotten Fraser to discuss his feelings after all. Now he couldn't get him to shut up!
"No, hear me out. I'm frightened that we'll never have that spontaneity again. You took it away. Can you understand?"
Ray opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Benny was right; he'd taken something precious away from them, and right now it felt as if they would never get it back. He lay back down in Fraser's arms, and despite their physical closeness, he felt as if they had never been further apart.
They were back in the States in two days. Ray had once again been too frightened to initiate anything, and Fraser, it seemed, was punishing Ray by ignoring all his attempts to apologise. The rift between them had made working in such close quarters unbearable, and when Fraser had suggested they return to Chicago, Ray had been relieved. Maybe when they were back at their place, things would return to normal.
Fraser had much the same thoughts. He wanted Ray so much, and yet he couldn't make a move towards him. He wasn't sure if it was because he was still afraid of hurting him, or if it was because he truly had gone off making love that way, or if he was just plain punishing Ray for what he'd done. He did know that he was still angry. And he wasn't used to being angry; it was difficult for him to cope. So he just closed himself off, taking Dief for long walks and ignoring the barrier between himself and Ray.
Weeks went by, and although they kissed each other, and hugged, and ran around Chicago on cases, making love was never on the agenda. They slept next to each other quite peacefully, but neither one of them made any attempt to touch the other intimately.
Fraser knew that he was coiled as tightly as a spring inside, but that outside he seemed fine. It was an appearance he desperately wanted to keep up. He could see Ray was having a hard time, though. He tried to broach the subject once or twice, but Ray would just mumble about understanding that they needed time and quickly change the subject. Fraser hoped that this... situation... between them wasn't affecting Ray's work.
And it wasn't, not really. In fact, it gave Ray the distraction he needed. Even when he worked with Benny, things were better because out in public they had no choice but to behave as though they were friends and nothing more.
It really shocked Lieutenant Welsh, then, when Ray blew up while they were reviewing evidence against a sleazy company that made porn movies. The raid had been based on information that there was child pornography among the merchandise on offer, and they had seized the lot. The only problem was, the place had not had a computer or filing system - it seemed as though the main partner knew the titles and contents by heart and hadn't written anything down to identify which films were which. To add to this, he had of course denied that they had made child porn. The detectives had no other choice but to check each of the hundreds of titles themselves.
"Anything?" Welsh asked, as Ray, Huey and two other detectives stood in his office.
Ray was the one to answer. "No, Sir. He seems to have every *other* kind of porn you can get, but so far no kiddie porn at all."
"Sir, do we really have to go through all 876 movies?" That was Huey.
"I'm afraid so, Detective. You don't have to watch the whole thing, just keep your finger on the fast forward button."
"Some of that stuff, it makes me feel ill," Huey said. Ray nodded sympathetically; he felt the same. The other two were nodding also.
Welsh understood, but they had to check to make sure. "I know, I know. Just keep your noses to the grindstone."
As they left the office, Huey was commenting to one of the other detectives, "And they allow this kind of thing to be made? Bondage? Sado- masochism? Anal sex? And people are supposed to enjoy it? Now that's what I call acting! Some of those people should get Academy Awards." He stopped, then, when he felt the temperature to his right drop about twenty degrees. "Sorry, Ray."
Ray had listened to this and not minded. Many things in the porn movies disgusted him also. But he resented Huey's implication that certain types of sex couldn't be enjoyable. What he resented more, though, was Huey's apology, as if Huey really thought he did all those things. "Sorry, Jack?
About what? You think I'm a pervert or something?"
"Come on, Vecchio. Of course not. We were just talking. You know how it is."
Ray's voice got louder the more he spoke. "No, tell me how it is, Jack. You don't think these forms of sexual expression are valid? They're not enjoyable? Please do tell! I wanna know!" He was yelling by the time he was finished.
Huey didn't understand the source of Ray's anger, thinking it was all directed at him. It wasn't, of course. Ray had been thinking too much about the topic, about the ways in which he and Benny had sex, about everything. Dammit, he *had* liked it when Benny made love to him anally. Blood or no blood, it was worth it. And he certainly liked making love to Benny that way, too. He knew Benny felt the same about having Ray inside him. So why couldn't he even touch Benny intimately these days? Why wouldn't Benny let him love him? He loved Benny so much it hurt, and not being able to express it was more painful than he could have imagined.
"Vecchio." Welsh's voice was only a whisper, but the station went quiet. "Get in here."
Ray went in, his face flushed with anger.
"I know this isn't about you and Huey." He looked at Ray more closely. "Is it?"
"No, Sir, it's... a personal problem."
"You and Big Red?"
"Yes, Sir."
Welsh wasn't sure about asking his next question, but he had to know. "Does this have something to do with the case? You know, the movies?" He could reassign Ray if the movies were disturbing him so much.
"No, Sir."
"You're sure?"
"I... Benny and I... we're having some problems. Jack just said something that made me think about them, that's all. I'll apologise, Sir."
"Did he say something homophobic?" Homophobia was still rife amongst cops, even though all those who knew about Ray and Benny hadn't seemed to mind.
"A little, Sir. It's nothing. He's entitled to his opinion."
Welsh was surprised. Two years ago, Ray would have decked Huey for saying something he didn't like. "You're sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure."
"Okay. You can go."
Ray went out, and strode into the interrogation room where a VCR and TV had been set up. Huey was in there alone. "Jack... I'm sorry, okay? It wasn't you."
Huey pushed stop on the remote and turned to Ray. "No, I should apologise. Your sex life is your own business."
"Yes, it is." Ray went to the door. "I'll be in the other room." He had a pile of movies to watch as well.
He had gotten halfway through the stack - still no child porn - when Fraser walked in. "Ray?"
"Hey, Benny."
Fraser looked at the screen, somewhat shocked. "What are you watching?"
"Porn movies."
"Excuse me?" Shame, Benny looked confused.
Ray explained about the tip-off and the bust. He didn't say anything about the way he'd behaved in the squadroom, though. "And so we've gotta watch all these!"
"It's nearly the end of your shift." Fraser sounded hopeful.
Ray stopped the tape and took it out of the machine, putting it on the pile he'd already seen. "Well, I can carry on tomorrow."
As they went back to the desk so Ray could get his jacket, Welsh poked his head round the door. "Not taking work home, Vecchio?"
"Sorry, Sir?"
"It seems all my other detectives have become very conscientious and taken tapes home to check."
Ray sighed; the movies themselves didn't bother him. But he couldn't imagine watching them with Benny. And he knew that the other cops had more on their minds than thorough police work. "Uh, no, Sir."
Welsh grunted and went back into his office, wondering if he could get away with taking some home... Nah. Better not.
They stopped at a diner for supper, Fraser feeding more food to Dief than he actually ate himself. "Benny?"
"I..." Fraser didn't know what to say. He loved Ray. He wanted Ray. He wanted to show Ray just how much he loved him... but something was stopping him. Something was preventing him from just letting go. He'd let go up at the cabin, and it had only made things worse. That sexual being wasn't him, at least, he wasn't sure he wanted it to be him. It scared him, what he was capable of when he was as aroused as he'd been then. He didn't say things like that, he didn't beg for release like that, and he certainly didn't act as wild as that. If only he could tell Ray... but when he tried, nothing came out. "It's nothing," he finally said, forcing some food down.
Ray wanted to yell that it *wasn't* nothing. He wanted to shake Benny and then undress him and screw his brains out. But he couldn't, because Benny had made it clear that he thought Ray had betrayed him. But Ray knew that he could no longer lie there next to Fraser and sleep calmly. Being in the same bed breathing in Benny's scent was too much.
When they got home, Ray turned to Benny. "I'm going to sleep in the other room for a while."
The hurt in Fraser's eyes cut straight to Ray's heart. "Why, Ray?"
"You know why, Benny."
"No, I..."
"You know why. You do. I can't do this anymore. I need you, Benny. I need you physically." He paused. "I thought everything would be okay when we got back. But it's not. I love you, and I can't be next to you and not want you."
"Ray, I..." began Fraser, but Ray walked into the spare bedroom and shut the door.
Francesca Vecchio came out of the house in the early hours of the morning three days later, to find a Mountie and a wolf on her porch. Fraser was wearing his usual casual outfit of flannel shirt, jeans and a jacket, but he had a blanket around him, and he was just staring into space.
"Benton?"
Fraser started at her voice. He hadn't expected anyone to be up. "Oh. Good evening, Francesca."
Frannie sat down next to him, letting him offer her a bit of the blanket. "What are you doing here?"
"I don't know. I..." Fraser trailed off, thinking he'd been doing that a bit too much lately. He was never at a loss for words, but now he couldn't think of anything to say to anyone.
"Is it Ray?" she probed, gently.
Fraser looked panic-stricken. "I shouldn't be talking about this..." He wondered if Carol would appreciate him waking her up... She probably wouldn't mind, but he didn't know if she was married, or had kids... He didn't want to impose, even though he would have felt better talking to a doctor friend than to Ray's sister.
"Are you two having problems, Benton?"
"Yes. We... It's difficult to explain. Ray's been sleeping in the guest room the last few nights. And I can't sleep when he's not there... This house reminds me of him, so..."
"Have you been sitting out here every night?"
"Yes."
"Benton!" she admonished. "This isn't good for you! It's cold out. Now tell me why Ray's in the guest room."
"Thank you for your concern, but..."
"Tell me!"
Fraser sighed. That Vecchio spirit was alive and well in Ray's sister. "It's a long story. We had a disagreement over something."
"What, sex?"
Fraser blushed and looked away. "Yes."
"One of you has a hang-up about it?"
"I'm sorry?"
"A hang-up? One of you?"
"Yes." Fraser had never thought of it that way before: a hang-up. The implication was that you could get over a hang-up. He turned and looked directly at Frannie. "How does one get over a hang-up?"
Frannie fidgeted, not looking him in the eye. "Psychiatrists all say different stuff. Some say therapy, others say you must confront your fears. A girlfriend of mine was terrified of bugs and went to a guy who hypnotised her." She watched as Fraser's eyes became slightly amused.
"I don't think hypnosis would work."
"What happened, Benton?" Frannie was looking at him with complete concern, and Fraser felt guilty that he had ever thought her frivolous and immature. In a crisis she could be very strong and astute. She wasn't what you'd call worldly, but then neither was he. At the same time he knew he couldn't say anything about their problems to her.
"I... I'd rather not say."
"Well, just give me the highlights." She smiled, and Fraser briefly saw the mature, loving woman hiding beneath that girlish exterior.
"I became frightened for Ray, and Ray tricked me into doing something I wasn't comfortable with. Now there's a barrier between us and I can't seem to reach him."
Frannie hugged him. "Benton, I know he loves you. And I can see that you love him. You must talk about it. I know men don't discuss their feelings... G-d knows my husband never did, the jerk. But don't throw this away because of a communication problem."
"I'll never leave Ray," Fraser said.
"Maybe not, but I know from experience that if you're in the same house and not communicating, you may as well have."
Fraser felt a rush of warmth towards Frannie. She was a lot smarter than she let on. He reached forward and hugged her again, whispering, "Thank you kindly."
There was a sound from the drive, and Fraser looked up to see Ray standing there looking both furious and disbelieving. He hadn't even brought the Riv. He was standing there wearing casual clothes hastily put on, and as Fraser let go of Frannie and started to rise, Ray just turned and ran off, away from them.
"Ray!" Fraser threw off the blanket and made to follow him, then remembered Francesca. He opened his mouth to speak but she spoke first.
"Go!"
Fraser dashed down the street after the man he loved, Dief at his heels.
He didn't catch up to Ray until he reached the apartment. He burst in to find Ray throwing his clothes into a suitcase. "Ray, what are you doing?"
Ray replied in a hostile tone, but there were tears on his cheeks. "What do you care?"
Fraser couldn't believe Ray would ask him that. "Because I love you. We can work this out, we..."
"Oh, sure, you love me but you'll go off and screw my sister!" Ray yelled viciously.
The Mountie was nonplussed. "What?"
"You went there the last three nights! You think I'm an idiot? So tonight I followed you. What is it, Benny? It's easier to fuck my sister when you don't have to worry about hurting her? Is that it?"
Fraser was shocked at Ray's language. "Ray, I didn't... what you said... with your sister."
"Right. Tell me another one." He hadn't once stopped packing, and now Fraser came up to him and physically pulled the clothes from his grasp, throwing the suitcase on the floor. He grabbed Ray by the shoulders.
"Ray, I love *you*. Not your sister. I only went to your house because it reminded me of you. I was trying to think what to do about this... situation. Tonight Francesca came outside, and we talked." He paused, looking into his lover's stormy hazel eyes. "You know I'd never be unfaithful to you, Ray. You *know*."
And the thing was, Ray did know. But he'd needed to find another reason for this rift that had developed between them. They were so good together, so beautiful, that this couldn't just have come about because of only the two of them... could it? Tears rolled down his cheeks. "Then... why, Benny? I love you so much; why can't things be like they were? What have we done to each other? I need you, Benny. I need to make love to you, I need you to do the same to me. I have to have it, Benny."
And Fraser looked into those eyes so filled with love and need, and suddenly all his concerns, his anger, everything... it all paled into insignificance. "I'm sorry, Ray, I'm so sorry..." He let go of Ray's shoulders and put his arms around him. "It was all my fault."
Ray, his head nestled against Fraser, knew it wasn't. "No, Benny, I did trick you. I'm sorry for that. I just wanted you so much..."
"It doesn't matter now," Fraser whispered, closing his mouth over Ray's.
It truly didn't matter, as they began touching each other, rediscovering what it was like to touch someone intimately as a prelude to intercourse. Fraser pulled off Ray's clothes almost in desperation, as he determined that he wasn't going to let a hang-up stop him from loving Ray, from giving Ray what he wanted. Ray was undoing Benny's buttons, too, and it didn't take long before they were both naked and pressing themselves against one another.
Ray would have been content to stand here and just move against Fraser, letting this intimate touch take them both over the edge, but when he tried that, Benny pulled away a little. "No. I'm going to make love to you now."
"Benny, you don't have to..." Ray began, but Benny cut him off by kissing him again.
They were both breathing heavily when they drew apart, and Ray wondered how they'd ever managed to go so long without making love. Benny was an essential part of him; he *needed* him more than anything else in his life.
"I do have to, Ray," Fraser whispered, trailing circles on his partner's lower back with one finger. "For both of us, for what we have, I have to. I never thought that you would learn to want this as much as I did, but I know now that we both need it. So I'm going to make love to you..." He touched Ray's penis quickly, eliciting a gasp from him before letting go, "And then you're going to make love to me."
"Don't hold back, Benny," Ray said. "Promise me."
Fraser knew that the time for holding back was long gone. No matter what happened, holding back was no longer an option. "I promise, Ray." He let go of his partner so that Ray could lie down.
He lay face-down on the bed, looking backwards at Benny.
"Not that way, Ray," Fraser whispered. "I want to see your face."
Ray's eyes grew wide at that. Face-down or sideways meant less chance of getting hurt. Face-to-face, on the other hand... But he knew why Benny wanted this: he wanted to prove that he truly wasn't holding back. So Ray turned over and lay on his back, bringing his knees up. "Better?"
"Yes." Fraser took the tube out of the side-table and applied the substance to Ray first of all, watching his face. There was first apprehension, then a momentary look of pain, then pleasure as his fingers slid all the way in and withdrew slowly. Fraser then applied it to himself, more slowly than he usually did... but that was because this time Ray was watching him, and the hunger in his lover's eyes as he touched himself told Fraser all he needed to know.
The Mountie moved into position, then, awkwardly at first, guiding himself into Ray. He did it slowly because they had never tried this before, and there was a difference between letting go, thus accidentally hurting someone, and hurting someone because you didn't take the time to do something properly. This position felt... odd... but the love in Ray's eyes made Fraser wonder why they hadn't tried this before.
He moved, then, into and against Ray, the strange position changing the sensations slightly... But it felt good, it felt right. And the look in Ray's eyes made it worth it.
"Benny... touch me."
Fraser didn't reply, just moved one hand across and curled it around Ray's erection, having to use only one hand for balance now except two. He moved, touching Ray at the same time, attaining a good, fast rhythm within a short while. "Ray..." He looked into Ray's eyes again and knew why Ray had tricked him into doing this up at the cabin. He knew it all. Being the architect of Ray's hurt had distracted him, made him forget that being inside someone this way was necessary for both souls. He could see Ray's soul in those eyes, and he knew that Ray could see his, as the pace quickened beyond what he could stand... He stilled momentarily as the sensations washed over him, and he gave all that he was to the man he loved, feeling Ray's gift on his own fingers at almost the same moment. He managed to move away from above Ray before his strength gave out, and when he did he lay sprawled at the foot of the bed, able only to move his head and see the smile that Ray was bestowing on him.
"G-d, Benny," Ray said, his voice ragged.
Fraser pulled himself up and crawled around to lie next to Ray, meshing their bodies together, their faces only inches apart. "Yes, Ray?" he asked.
"I thought it couldn't get any better than when we did it before. Boy was I wrong!" He laughed a little, sounding so very happy that Fraser laughed too. "To see your face... do you know how beautiful you are, making love to me? Huh, do you?"
"I'll take your word for it, Ray."
"Good." A momentary hesitation, and then Ray said, "You forgot to check for blood."
"Do you want me to?"
"No, Benny. I'm fine. I'll let you know when I'm not. So trust me, okay?"
"I do trust you, Ray. It was myself I didn't trust."
"So, start trusting."
"I will. Because I trust you, and you trust me, therefore..."
Ray shut him up by kissing him, tenderly at first, and then with more passion. "I know, logic. I get it," he finished, when the kiss ended.
"I want you to make love to me," Fraser said.
"Later, Benny. We need some rest first."
"No, Ray. Now. I need it now."
Ray grinned at him rather lewdly. "Geez, Benny, when did you turn into a sex maniac?"
"The first minute you touched me." It was said in such an innocent, guileless tone that Ray's heart filled with love for this man in bed with him. "Okay. Wanna do it like last time?"
"Yes."
Ray lifted himself off the bed, then, and leaned over to kiss Benny. Their mouths melded together so perfectly, they could feel the heat building, the need rising in them once again. Ray ran his hand down Benny's body, and lightly touched his organ. The quiver he felt from Benny when he did that told him all he needed to know. Benny was ready again, and he knew he sure was. His lips parted from Benny's, and he sat up, moving in between Benny's thighs, pushing his feet up the bed so that Benny was open to him. "Okay, Benny?"
Fraser only nodded, because, like Ray, he wanted this badly.
Ray grabbed the necessary lubricant, and watched Benny's face as he did what Benny had done earlier. Momentary tension and pain, and then pleasure, fading and then returning as he withdrew his fingers and spread it on himself next.
"Ray."
Ray looked up from his task. "Yeah?"
"Sometime... will you... touch yourself... for me?" He looked deliberately at Ray's erection. "I find it very..."
"Stimulating?"
"Yes."
"Sure, Benny. I did, too, earlier, when I saw you do this. But not today, okay?"
"Of course, Ray." He paused, then, "Please..."
Ray moved into position, guiding himself into this man that he loved, knowing he was always meant to be there. And he knew what Benny would be feeling now, in this new position, but he also liked the way *he* felt... oh, yes! He grasped Benny's penis as Benny had done for him, and...
There was fluid of movement, and great pleasure and love, as his thrusts quickened. He could see Benny was enjoying this, too, his eyes wide and trusting. "Oh, Ray!" he called out. "Faster."
Ray wasn't sure he'd heard right, but he obediently did as Fraser asked, wanting this to be right... And then he felt it, and he knew. It took all his willpower, but he stilled himself. "Benny..."
"Don't stop, Ray."
"But..."
"Ray, please!" And Benny writhed against him, and Ray lost the battle for what little control he'd had, moving against Fraser more quickly until he was spent. He did his best not to collapse against Benny, and just as he moved, he felt Benny's release on his hand as well. That feeling was just too much. He collapsed across Benny, his heart beating three times its normal rate.
"Oh G-d."
"Ray, that was..."
Ray managed to lift himself up and move so that he was lying next to Benny. "I felt it, Benny. I know what happened."
Fraser reached behind himself, and brought his hand up to show Ray. "Yes, well..." he said, looking with detachment at the blood. He saw the shock in Ray's eyes. "It was only a momentary pain, Ray. You know I'm telling the truth."
Ray knew now just how Benny had felt. In fact, he also felt like throwing up, but he valiantly fought off the impulse. Benny needed him here. But he was terrified that this would make Benny go cold on him again, that Benny would start refusing this again. But he couldn't say anything. He couldn't apologise, he couldn't ask, he just *couldn't*...
And Benny knew what Ray was thinking as he looked into the depths of those eyes, eyes that told him so much. There was fear there now, fear which he had to stop from growing. "Ray... I promise, we won't go through that again. You were right, we need this. An occasional painful experience won't change that."
"Are you sure, Benny? Because I don't think I can handle that again. I'll never leave you, Benny, but I can't be here with you like this if we have to go through it all again."
Instead of replying, Fraser leaned forward and let his lips speak for him. The kiss ended, and he said, "Ray, I'm over it. We'll be together always. You know that. No matter what happens."
Ray smiled, then, as he saw only love in Fraser's beautiful blue eyes. "I know, Benny."
Their favourite doctor friend wasn't really surprised to see them when the clinic opened the next morning. She ushered them into her office, petting Dief before even looking at them. "Here you go," she said, giving the wolf a cookie. Then she looked at the partners. "Don't say it, okay? I know I spoil him. I like spoiling him."
Fraser smiled at her. "It's all right, he expects it by now. I'll never get him to listen while he's here."
She sat at the edge of her desk. "So, what can I do for you guys?"
Ray said nothing; let Benny handle this. He was surprised to find how lighthearted he was feeling... Perhaps it was just the knowledge that they'd weathered this storm and come through stronger.
Fraser was blushing, but he knew he had to say it. "It's my turn to be, er, examined."
"Oh." Carol grinned; she couldn't help it. "Well, come into the examination room and let's have a look."
Ray sat outside while Carol examined Benny. He wasn't really worried; in fact, all he could think of was getting a chance to thank her for her advice... Not that her advice had really worked - Fraser had been too highly strung when they'd been at the cabin - but he knew she cared, and he was grateful.
In less than ten minutes, Carol came out, followed by Fraser.
"So?" Ray asked.
"Well, it's pretty minor... Slightly worse than yours, but the disinfectant and some of this gel should take care of it. No anal sex for about three weeks, though, okay?"
When she said that, two faces turned bright red and looked away. Carol smiled at them. "Well, off you go!" They made to leave, but Ray turned at the door.
"Doc... Thanks. For everything. You're a real sport."
Her face lit up at that. "Always glad to help." She waited until they were both halfway out, and then said, "Hey!"
"Yeah?"
"If I ever need a date... you know, for a medical convention or something... Can I borrow one of you?"
Ray got a wicked look on his face. "Which one?"
She smiled. "Whoever's free."
"Sure, Doc." Ray went back in and kissed her cheek. "Seeya."
Frannie was waiting in the apartment when they got back. She had a key in case of emergencies... and, to her, this was an emergency. She jumped up from the couch when they walked in, and rushed over to them. "Are you guys okay?"
Ray and Fraser looked at each other. "Yes, Francesca, we're fine."
"So... you sorted out... whatever the problem was?"
"Yes."
"So, where were you just now?"
Ray got a little irritated at the tone of her question. "Ya know, Frannie, I don't see how that's any of your business."
The old Frannie, the one who had chased Fraser around, would have yelled or gotten mad. This Frannie, the one who was happy to see her brother and his lover together, only said, "Well, I guess that's fair." A pause. "I was worried about you two, okay? I'm allowed, right?" She looked at Ray when she said the last.
"Of course. You're my sister. Benny's, too, almost."
Frannie smiled at that. "You think that, too, Benton?"
"Yes, Francesca."
Another lovely smile. "Well, since you're okay, I'm outta here." She pointed to a basket on the table. "Breakfast. I told Ma I was coming over, and..."
"Thanks. You're one in a million, you know that?" Ray hugged her, feeling closer to Frannie than he ever had.
"Yeah, but I wasn't sure you guys did."
"Oh! You!" Ray advanced on her, but Frannie ran out of the door just in time, yelling, "Bye, Benton!" as she made her escape.
"Thank Ma for us!" Ray yelled after he before he closed the door. He turned to Fraser. "So, Benny... are you really okay with this?"
"Yes, Ray. In fact, I wonder what we're going to do for those three weeks."
Ray walked into his arms. "Well, *you* can still make love to me."
Fraser considered this, remembering what Ray had said to him... "But I thought you said you wanted things to be fair."
"Maybe I was wrong, Benny. Maybe we should just let ourselves go, and see where it takes us. Because, G-d knows, I made a mistake up at the cabin." Fraser was about to argue, but Ray put his fingers against his lips, stilling him. "Don't argue, Benny. We both know it was a mistake." He let his hand drop, and Benny smiled.
"It isn't that, Ray."
"Then what is it?"
"I've thought of how we can use that time."
"Oh, yeah? How?"
"We still have a week of leave left. Let's go and finish the cabin."
"Good idea, Benny." Ray pulled Fraser against him more tightly. "But not now. I can think of something else we can do right now..."
"Ray..." Fraser pulled away slightly.
"What now, Benny?" The fear was back in Ray's voice. "Are you..."
"No, Ray, I just want to put our breakfast up out of reach. The last time we left it on the table Dief ate it all."
And Ray laughed as he did so, the last of his apprehension vanishing. He followed Benny into the bedroom happily. There would be lots of time to eat later.
THE END