Rating/Warning: R. Not happy or pleasant. Slash as always. Some bad language.
Pairing: Fraser/Vecchio, Fraser/Kowalski
Disclaimer: They aren't mine and I *promise* to put them back where I found them.
Spoilers: nope.
Summary: Fraser knows how Kowalski feels...
Notes: Yes, I'm taking artistic license with Kowalski in this series. "Victims" is *not* for Kowalski fans, I'm sorry about that... And, many apologies to Jo who I'm sure won't speak to me for a day or two because of the way all this turns out ;) It's unbeta'd! My mistakes and weirdness.

Feedback is good for the soul!

UNFAMILIAR - June, 2000
by Ashinae

I don't know who he *really* is. Yes, I certainly know what kind of person he is, and that he likes to dance, has a turtle--I can't be certain, but I think the turtle is staring at me at the moment--and an ex-wife, but on a deeper level, I really don't know him.

And, no, I'm not blind. I think I am quite aware how he feels about me.

He couldn't make it any *more* obvious if he threw himself in my lap. The way he looks at me, sometimes I think he's about to do that.

I glance around his apartment as I wonder just *why* I'm here, and in the next instant I wonder *how* he lives here. None of this seems right, I know I shouldn't be here and I don't know why I am, but here I am anyway. Sitting on his couch and feeling for all the world like I don't belong.

I want out.

I don't know why, but all of a sudden I'm almost... frightened.

The pizza arrives and I am saved briefly by dinner... except for the fact that Ray--not my Ray, never my Ray, no matter how hard he tries--makes himself comfortable right next to me on the couch, a little too close for *my* comfort.

I think I hate him. Deep down, *deep* down, I hate him. He is trying to be someone he so obviously is not... and everyone just goes along with it, and I don't want to. I want the real Ray Vecchio and not this... unfamiliar person who looks like he's about to pounce on me like I'm...

Perhaps that's all I am to him. A pretty face. Someone--no, some*thing*-- unobtainable, off-limits and that's the only reason he wants anything to do with me.

"Were you and Vecchio, uh, you know," he says suddenly.

I almost choke on my pizza. I should have known that was coming, but I was hoping he'd never ask, and I would never have to tell him. If he continues to think I was never with another man, he would eventually stop...

"I don't think that's any of your business," I tell him firmly.

He finishes eating his last slice before he speaks again. "I think it is my business."

Oh, God above, help me, please... "Ray, this isn't appropriate."

He scowls. He stands up and takes the empty pizza box to the kitchen, along with his napkin, as I slowly finish off my own last slice as though it is my last defense, the one thing standing between Ray Kowalski and... me.

Except perhaps Ray Vecchio.

Ray Kowalski comes back into the room and sits next to me again.

Escape seems like a good option, so as soon as he is seated, I'm up on my feet. "Are you sure you don't want me to pay for my half of the pizza?" I ask.

He gets up to his feet as well. "No, Frase. It was on me," he says.

"Well, then, I think I'd best be going." I head for the door but he's right there beside me.

"You don't have to go yet," he tells me.

He's standing too close.

His eyes travel down to my neck and then he gives me what I suppose would qualify as a seductive smile. To me it just seems... lecherous. I don't want him, don't want this, so why can't he leave it alone?

"I think I *do* have to leave, Ray," I tell him firmly.

He stands in front of the door. Not much of a gesture, really, as I'm certain I could pick him up and toss him out of the way quite easily if I needed to. There is little doubt in my mind I would do it if I had no other choice.

"Not until you tell me whether or not you and Vecchio were... lovers." He says it as though it's distasteful and it's my turn to scowl.

"I don't know why you're acting like this." I almost call him 'Ray', but right now I don't think I should.

"You know damn well why I'm doing it!" he snaps. "You tell me whether or not you were fucking Vecchio!"

"Good night, *Detective,*" I say shortly.

"You're not going *anywhere,* Fraser. I wanna know."

"Yes!" I cry. "Yes, Ray Vecchio and I were lovers! Now, please, let me leave."

"You could *pretend* I'm him, you know. You already do out there." He gestures at the window.

I stare at him. I cannot believe what I have just heard and I make sure to tell him that.

He laughs at me. I don't know this man at all. He is a complete stranger and I feel trapped. "Come on, Fraser. What difference would it make?"

"All the difference in the world! I don't love you, and I am not about to--to--"

He takes one little step towards me. That grin is back in place and I don't like it, don't like this, I want out--

Another step and his hand snaps out, grabs my lanyard and the other hand goes around my neck as he pulls me to him and kisses me, hard. After a brief moment of stunned amazement at the fact that he would do this, I push him away and glare at him.

"I don't want you," I tell him, taking great effort to control my voice, my breathing, my shaking body. "I never will. I *love* Ray Vecchio and I will *not*--"

"Don't you miss it, Fraser?" he interrupts.

"Of course I miss him!" I take a deep breath before I continue so I don't shout again. "That is why I won't sleep with you."

"It's not *him* I'm talking about, Fraser, and don't pretend you don't get that."

"All the more reason for you to let me walk out that door right now."

"I'm not gonna let you walk out that door like that."

I think I just might snap.

"I want you to fuck me, Fraser. That's all. Just one night."

"Absolutely not!" I'm shouting again, and there is no way for me to stop it this time. I can't believe he's doing this to me.

"I thought we were *friends,* Fraser!"

I almost laugh at the same time that I almost hit him for saying that. "Yes, Ray, so did I! And that's why I can't believe you're doing this to me. *Friends* don't do this to each other."

"One night," he persists. "One night and I'll never ask you again. Never even invite you up here. We can go back to normal, just working together."

"One night is enough to change *everything.*"

"I don't care."

"I do."

We are at an impasse. One of us has to back down.

"One night," he whispers. "Please. I'm begging you, here, Frase."

"I don't want you to beg me. Just let me leave."

"No, Fraser. I want you. Please don't walk out on me," he pleads.

I can feel something snap inside of me. It's been slowly bending all night, and that was just it. I grab his arms and push him back up against the door again and bring my mouth down to his, kissing him, cruelly, brutally. I've never done this to someone before. I had not intended--

"Is *that* what you want from me, *Ray?*" I demand, my hands gripping his arms hard enough to undoubtedly leave bruises. "There's no love. No desire. *Nothing,* do you understand me? Nothing at all. I can give you what you want, but I can't guarantee *either* of us will enjoy it. Do you want that?"

A heartbeat. Two. Three. "One night," he says again.

And with that, I push him aside, swing the door open and stalk down the hall.