The sky was completely cloudless, and a brilliant blue. There was a breeze, barely strong enough to ruffle the bushes and flowers that grew so abundantly along the edge of the large plaza where they were standing. This sure wasn't anything like what Ray had expected from Alaska.
"Well, Ray, it is summer, after all." Ben smiled at his lover of eighteen years.
Ray turned his head from contemplation of the mountains to the east of the city. "Yeah, but it's Alaska. You know… polar bears and stuff."
"Ray, Ray, Ray…" Ben sighed and glanced at his watch. "It's time, Ray."
The smile wavered a little on Ray's face. "OK. We'd better go do it, then."
They turned towards the new County Court House and started up the wide flight of stone steps that led to the imposing entry. As they walked Ray placed a hand lightly on Ben's lower back and resisted the urge to let it slide further down.
Ten minutes later they were back outside again. It was just as beautiful as it had been before. This time Ray stared down into the harbour, still feeling stunned. Ben stood beside him, equally silent. There were people everywhere, but then, it was just after noon. Most of them would be County employees making the most of their lunch breaks.
A large chattering group hurried past them and Ray saw Ben smile at the two young women in its centre, wearing identical lacy wedding gowns. He took a deep breath and absentmindedly rubbed at the ring newly decorating his left hand. Ben was looking at him now, smiling still, but in a rather disturbing way.
"Well, Ray?"
Ray shrugged. Ben moved closer, took his face between a pair of strong, capable hands, and kissed him.
The other people around them took no notice of the two tall men in tuxedos kissing at the top of the steps. After all, it happened all the time, now.
*
Ray had, true to form, insisted on reserving a table at one of Anchorage's most exclusive restaurants. It had been a waste of money. Ben couldn't have remembered what he'd eaten if his life had depended on it. He sipped at his coffee and stared bemusedly across the table at Ray's equally distracted face.
"Shall we go back to the hotel, Ray?" There was no reply. "Ray?"
"Huh?" Green eyes lifted, startled, to his. "The hotel? Sure, why not?"
It wasn't far to the hotel, so they walked. The streets were busy, even though they'd lingered over lunch and the workers were all gone. Most of the people were tourists, some of them obviously gay. Alaska, like Hawaii, had become a Mecca for gay Americans who wanted to marry, and the effect had spilled over to gay tourism generally. It was strange, after so many years, to see two men walking hand in hand, two women exchanging a brief, public kiss.
The walk was so pleasant that Ben thought about suggesting they continue, but one look at Ray's preoccupied face made him change his mind. When they entered the lobby, Ray smiled at him. "I'll just go check for messages. OK?"
"All right." He waited as Ray went over to the reception desk, aware of a somewhat expectant feeling gathering in his gut. Within moments Ray was heading back to him, a scowl on his face. Oh dear.
"We have to change rooms, Benny. They messed up the reservations." Ray threw a resentful look back over his shoulder at the desk. "I made 'em give us a better room, though. They're moving our stuff now."
Relieved that there was nothing wrong with the boys, Ben was happy enough to make the change. Only… "Will it take long, do you think?"
Ray grinned, obviously sensing his sudden restlessness and the reason for it. "Nah. I told them to make it fast. We'll be in our new room in no time."
A discreet cough behind them signalled the arrival of their luggage and a Bellboy. They followed him to the lift in silence. Ray's hand brushed lightly against Ben's and their fingers twined loosely.
Ben hadn't been taking a lot of notice of where the lift was taking them, but as they stepped out into a small lobby, rather than the usual hallway, he held back a little, frowning.
"Ray, isn't this..?"
"I told ya I'd made them give us a better room." Ray grinned at him.
Ben returned the look dubiously. "A suite?"
Ray shrugged. "It's only a small one."
It wasn't that small. Ben wandered over to the window to check out the view of the harbour and, when he turned back, Ray was tipping the Bellboy. Rather extravagantly. Pieces of the puzzle fell into place with a soft click. He went over and, once they were alone, put his arms around Ray from behind and kissed his throat.
"You arranged this, didn't you?"
Ray turned in his arms and looked at him warily. "Yeah."
"It must have cost a small fortune." He kissed Ray to take away any implied criticism.
"It's our wedding night, Benny." Ray's lips brushed lightly against his. "I wanted to do something special."
"You will." Ben's eyes gleamed. This time their kiss lasted a lot longer.
Sometime during that kiss, Ben managed to remove Ray's tie and unbutton his shirt down to the waist. His hands spread over the slender, furry chest, teasing at Ray's nipples. But after a moment Ray pulled away with a soft moan. "C'mon. I wanna show you something."
He allowed Ray to take his hand and lead him to the bathroom. It was almost as big as the bedroom, mainly to accommodate a large Jacuzzi in the middle of the floor. The Jacuzzi was full, steaming gently, and bubbling merrily to itself. On the far side stood a bottle of Champagne in a cooler, two flute glasses, and a bowl of tropical fruit. Ben's eyes widened.
"Lt Vecchio, are you trying to seduce me?" He nuzzled Ray's neck.
"God, I love it when you talk dirty." Ray's hands drew him closer. "Of course I'm trying to seduce you. You're my husband."
Amazing how one little word could send such a jolt of lust straight to his groin. Ben lifted his head and claimed Ray's mouth hungrily.
"Benny…" Ray broke the kiss, but their lips were still almost touching. He carefully removed Ben's glasses and the world went very slightly blurry. "Let's get in the tub, huh?"
It was an enticing prospect, although Ben knew from experience that making love in a Jacuzzi could be an awkward business. But he wouldn't refuse Ray anything today, in spite of the fact that all he really wanted was to stretch Ray out across the large bed in the other room and ravish him repeatedly.
Fortunately, Ray still had enough self-control to help Ben undress. His own efforts to reciprocate were clumsy, at best, but eventually it was done. Even then, he had to make an effort to release Ray long enough for them both to get into the Jacuzzi.
Ray grinned up at him as he sank into the hot water. "Aren't you glad I thought of this? It'll be good for your back too."
"Ray, my back's fine. I'm just a little stiff." Ben frowned at him, but Ray missed it as he turned away to pour their wine.
"Yeah?" Ray passed him a glass still fizzing with tiny bubbles and grinned wickedly. "You looked plenty stiff enough to me. Let's see what we can do about that, huh?"
He leaned back against the edge of the tub with a sigh. The hot water swirling around his back certainly felt good. Ben waited until Ray had his own champagne poured, then lifted his glass in a toast. "Till death do us part."
The chime of the glasses sounded faintly above the burbling of the water. Ray favoured him with a singularly seductive smile, took one sip, and put the glass aside. "Now, about that stiffness."
Ben waited, all urgency gone now, as Ray removed the glass from his hand and placed it on the floor. His new husband slid a little closer and ran a hand lightly down over his chest, into the water. He groaned as Ray's hand found the source of all that stiffness and began a firm massage. "I don't think that's going to make it go away."
"Oh, it will. Eventually." Ray's lips brushed against his own, then took a firm hold. Their tongues began a slow, sensuous dance.
Beneath the water, all sorts of things were happening. Ben trailed his fingers up and down the inside of one wiry thigh and then began a reciprocal massage. Not too fast, he wanted to make this last as long as possible. Ray was moaning softly into his mouth, the wine scented breath warm and sweet on his tongue. His free arm crept around Ray's shoulders, drawing him still closer.
The slender body tensed suddenly and Ray moved, twisting to face him and slide a leg across his thighs, straddling him. Then the full sensual mouth claimed him again, almost before he had a chance to catch his breath. Ben shifted his hands to begin a slow stroking of the long muscles of Ray's back, allowing them to linger over the trim buttocks every now and then.
Ray's body pressed against him, his cock hotter even than the tantalising swirls of water. Ben freed his mouth with difficulty. "Ray.." his voice was hoarse, and he gave up speech in favour of action, his hands pushing Ray away slightly and pulling him up out of the water.
Dear God, he was beautiful. Warm olive skin, flushed with heat and arousal, sleek with water, hovered above and in front of him. The long slender cock twitched impatiently as Ben hesitated, overcome with love. With a deep sigh, Ben leaned forward, touching his lips to the very tip in a gentle kiss. Ray moaned, shifting restlessly, and he turned the kiss into a delicate sucking.
"Ohhh… yeah…" Ray ran long fingers through his hair and with a fluid thrust of his hips pressed closer.
The dark length of it slipped between his lips and Ben shifted his hands to caress the back of Ray's thighs, then parted his buttocks, gently massaging the tender bud of flesh between them. Ray bucked, once, and settled to a steady, slow rhythm, letting loose a moan every now and then. It was exquisite. His own arousal was almost forgotten, no more than a delicious, distant ache.
"Benny…" Ray's face was slack with passion, almost at the point of climax.
It was too soon. Reluctantly, Ben released the now throbbing cock from his mouth and took it in a tight, controlling, grip. Ray shuddered, then relaxed a little. "All right, Ray?"
"Yeah." Ray's voice was breathless.
With a pleased little smile, Ben began to lavish kisses over the length of the shaft then lowered his head to nuzzle the dark, swaying balls. Ray gasped and shuddered, his grip on the edge of the tub tightening.
"Steady, Ray." Ben slipped between Ray's straddling legs and renewed his assault. His tongue flickered over the textured surface of Ray's balls, probed the cleft of Ray's ass, and then softened again, stroking the sensitive anus.
Ray bent over, his elbows resting on the edge of the tub, his hips pushing back against Ben's caressing tongue. This was heaven, he could continue like this for as long as Ray was able to hold out, and be satisfied. Ben reached down between his thighs and stroked himself lazily, enjoying the sound of Ray's increasingly fervent moaning. His other hand moved forward and cupped Ray's wildly flailing cock, pressing it firmly against Ray's belly.
"Oh, God… Benny… please…" Ray sounded as though he was close to collapse. An anguished green eye appeared over Ray's right shoulder.
Ben knew exactly what Ray wanted. He gave the smooth cheek an acquiescent kiss and pushed himself up out of the water, releasing his hold on Ray, only to rest his hands on Ray's hips and press firmly against his ass. Ray sighed as he slid his cock back and forth along the cleft for an all too brief moment. He didn't need to check that Ray was ready for him, just guided his eagerly trembling cock against the opening and slid smoothly home.
Now he was almost out of control as Ray enclosed him tightly. Ben held completely still for a moment, needing to restrain himself from an impetuous plunge over the edge. Three deep breaths settled him and he began to move, thrusting slowly, deep into his partner. His husband… he nearly lost it again.
"Do it Benny…" Ray's voice was almost unrecognisable.
Ben hesitated, uncertain for once, what Ray wanted.
"Do it… lose control, Benny." Ray's tongue flickered over his lower lip. "I want you to lose control."
"Oh…" Ben could feel his eyes widening, his heartbeat accelerating still further. To lose control… suddenly his hips were plunging wildly, driving his cock into Ray's body. The heat and the tightening of Ray's muscles around his cock were stripping him bare of everything but sensation.
With a sob, he fell forward across Ray's back, his hand fumbling over Ray's belly. A hand touched his and guided it to Ray's cock. His fingers closed tightly around it, pumping, pumping, as though it was his own neediness he was satisfying. Ray howled with pleasure and Ben heard his own voice echoing the sound. His balls tightened excruciatingly and he froze, buried deep inside his lover as the hot juices surged from him.
*
Ben glanced across at Ray as the cab pulled up to their hotel. All the way from the airport, he'd been on edge, leaning forward to give instructions to the driver, who had been remarkably patient considering…
"Ray, what's going on? Why the hurry?"
He got a distracted look in reply. "We're gonna be late for dinner, Benny. That damn airport. I bet they got the labels wrong."
Ben didn't bother responding. Ray was referring to the airport in Anchorage, naturally. No matter how slow their luggage had been to arrive in the claim area, Ray would never consider blaming any Chicago institution, when there was a "foreign" one available to take the rap.
"Well, we're only having a quiet dinner alone. It doesn't matter." He wasn't even sure why Ray had insisted they spend their first night back in Chicago in a hotel. It didn't matter, he was always willing to indulge Ray's romantic fits, but he would have been just as happy to go straight home… except that the boys would be there, and would want to know all about their honeymoon. He decided that Ray's idea wasn't such a bad one after all.
"Yeah." Ray smiled at him. "Well, we can hurry our shower. We're not that late I guess."
Hurry the shower? Ben hid a smile. Ray couldn't get dressed in less than an hour and, as Ray had informed him at least half a dozen times since they arrived in Chicago, they now had only thirty minutes till their dinner date.
They made it in forty-five, much to his surprise. Ray had insisted they wear the tuxedos they'd worn to their wedding ceremony, and at the last minute had produced a dark red rosebud for each of them to wear in their lapels. Perhaps he should have realised then, but it wasn't until Ray hesitated nervously outside the door of the hotel's dining room that a sense of foreboding came over him.
"Ray, what have you done?" His voice was more resigned than accusing, but Ray flinched.
The green eyes skittered sideways. "I… uh…"
The opening of the door and the appearance of Fraser's dark head saved him an explanation he was obviously not able to provide. Fraser seemed just as surprised as Ben felt. "Oh. Dad. Pop. Uh… what are you two doing here?"
Ben raised his eyebrows and remained silent. Ray sighed. "I arranged for a few friends to join us for dinner, OK? You didn't want a big wedding, and I went along with that…" he stared at Ben with a mixture of hope and resignation.
"How many?" Ben managed to keep his amusement off his face.
"Uh…" Ray looked to his son for help.
"Just a few Dad." Fraser exchanged a look with Ray, then shrugged. "The family, some friends, people from work… you know…"
He thought he had a pretty good idea, and had no intention of letting his son, or his lover, off the hook. He crossed his arms over his chest and waited. From the other side of the door, the sound of numerous voices suddenly fell quiet. Fraser cast a harried look over his shoulder. A moment later Gil appeared in the doorway.
"Frase, what's the hold up?"
"Pop didn't tell him." Fraser shrugged helplessly. "Come on Dad! Everybody's waiting."
"All right." Ben held Ray's eyes for a moment. "We'll talk about this later."
Maybe they'd gone a bit overboard on the guest list, but what was a wedding without a big Italian reception afterwards? Once he was over the initial shock, Benny had settled down to enjoy himself; the food was good enough that even Ma couldn't find fault with it, and the wine was excellent. Ray looked at his husband with pride. Benny looked so damn good with his eyes bright, his cheeks flushed, and a little smile on his lips. Ray figured that if he was really lucky, he'd get away with no more than a reproachful look or two before bedtime.
It was about then that Tony rose unsteadily to his feet and requested a speech from both the bridegrooms. Ray groaned and dropped his head into his hands, hoping it would all just go away, but in moments the whole room was echoing Tony's demand.
Benny gave him a look that promised retribution later and rose to his feet. It was quite a good speech, considering he'd had no time to prepare for it. Until he started on the Inuit story. Ray tuned it out and began mentally rehearsing his own speech, which was going to be witty, charming, and very, very brief.
Above his head, the smooth voice faltered. It took a moment for it to sink in but, as a ripple of disquiet spread through the room, Ray looked up. Ben was staring down at the table, where his hands gripped the edge tightly. Stunned disbelief held Ray motionless for no more than a second, but Ben was already falling as Ray reached for him.
Ben was down on the floor between his chair and Fraser's. When Ray knelt beside him, his eyes stared up, puzzled and a little frightened. "Benny? What happened? Are you OK?"
The blue eyes blinked. "I don't know Ray... my legs just gave way." He started to push himself up on his elbows, but Ray's hand on his chest prevented him.
"Just stay there until I can get you checked out, huh, Benny?" Ray looked up to see Fraser and Maria staring anxiously down at them. "He's OK, just a bit shaky, but I'm gonna get a doctor to look at him."
Fraser was obviously about to start asking questions, which Ray had every intention of ignoring, until Ben's hand on his arm distracted him. "Ray? Ray… I can't move my legs."
The next few minutes passed in a blur. Ray was vaguely aware of someone yelling for an ambulance, and shut up abruptly when he realised it was his voice. Fraser was gone, but Maria and Frannie were both kneeling on Ben's other side, and Gil was hovering uncertainly behind them. The room was in an uproar.
Ray tried desperately to gather his scattered wits. "Frannie, can you get everyone out of here? And somebody get an ambulance for God's sake."
"Fraser's gone for one." That was Gil, his face showing shock and fear.
"Gil, can you help Francesca with the guests? Tell them I'll be all right." Ben's hand slid into his and Ray gripped it tightly.
"Maria, you'd better see to Ma. Take her home. I'll call as soon as we have any news, OK?" Ray badly wanted a few moments alone with Ben. He stroked the suddenly pale face. "It shouldn't be long, Benny, just hang on love."
Ben swallowed and smiled with obvious difficulty. "It's all right. I'm not in any pain. I... I can't feel anything."
"Oh God... Benny..." this couldn't be happening; not now, not to them. He had absolutely no doubt what had caused this... his bullet, still in Ben's back after almost twenty years must have moved.
Ray's hand tightened over Ben's and he realised that Ben's fingers were icy. It must be shock setting in. One of the waiters was standing nearby. Ray called him over and asked for a blanket. The hotel staff was damn good. In just a few minutes, a soft, warm blanket was laid over Ben's body. Ray stroked his lover's hair and wondered where the Hell the paramedics were. How long had it been?
Suddenly, Fraser was back. He knelt beside Ben and looked down at his father anxiously. Then up at Ray. "Gil's waiting outside. He'll bring them in as soon as they get here."
"OK." Ray was too preoccupied with Ben to think about anything else, even their son.
It seemed like an eternity before they arrived, yet it probably wasn't more than five minutes. Ray looked up and realised, with some surprise, that the chairs had all been moved away to allow access to them. He hadn't noticed it happening. He explained, quite calmly, what had happened, and what he thought was the cause. Ben was silent, his eyes closed, his breathing slow and uneven.
The two paramedics exchanged a glance. "We'd better get him straight to the hospital. There's nothing we can do for him here."
The other man had already left. In a few minutes he was back again with a gurney. It hardly took any time at all to strap a brace onto Ben over his clothing and a foam collar around his neck. Then they slid him carefully onto the gurney.
Ray caught hold of Fraser's arm. "I'll go with him. Fraser..." it suddenly occurred to him that Fraser must be almost as badly shocked as Ben himself. "Get Frannie to drive you to the hospital, or take a cab, OK?"
"All right..." Fraser looked around at the almost empty room. Only a few guests and the hotel staff remained. "I'll sort things out here. We won't be long."
"There shouldn't be any problem here. It was all paid in advance. Just..." he hugged Fraser fiercely. "...be careful. Everything's gonna be OK. Don't worry."
"Sure, Pop." Fraser's eyes were too bright. "We'll be there soon." He bent over the gurney and touched Ben's face. "See you soon, Dad."
Ben managed a weak smile as they wheeled him out. Ray hurried after them.
*
At the hospital things moved quickly. Almost before they'd got through the doors, Ben was in the Emergency Room, his beautiful new tuxedo being cut off his body, over his weak protests. Ray caught hold of his hand. "Benny, shut up. It's just a suit, OK? I'll buy you another one."
One of the nurses threw him a grateful look. It didn't take long for them to strip him completely and slip a gown on him. A doctor came over and drew Ray aside. "Mr Vecchio, I understand that you're the next of kin?"
"Yeah." Ray ran a nervous hand over his head. "What's the score?"
"Mr Fraser's been given an anti-inflammatory and a pre-med. We hope to operate within the hour, but first we need to get some X-rays so we know what to expect when we go in."
Ray swallowed hard. "How bad is it? Is he going to walk again?"
The doctor smiled sympathetically. "We won't know that until it's over. According to our records, the original placement of the bullet made it unwise to attempt to remove it. Now that the bullet's shifted, it could be in a better position, or it could be worse."
The news was as bad as he'd feared. Ray forced back an attack of sheer panic. "Anything else?"
"The operation itself shouldn't be too traumatic, unless it takes too long." She smiled sympathetically, before consulting her clipboard. "Mr Fraser doesn't have any history of heart or respiratory problems? Any other health problems? Is there any family history of medical problems?"
"No. Nothing." At least that was a relief. He'd already seen men his own age or younger die of heart attacks. It wasn't reassuring to think about things like that right now.
But there wasn't much time to think. He'd no sooner gone back to Ben's side than an orderly came to take him to the X-ray department. Ray went too, of course. There was no way he was leaving Benny alone for even a moment. As soon as they were back in the Emergency Room they were surrounded by more nurses, and Ben was prepped for surgery.
It made Ray feel sick just to think about what was happening. The only thing he could do was to focus all his thoughts on his lover and push his own feelings to the back of his mind. By now Ben was extremely drowsy, but Ray held his hand and kept up a disjointed and one-sided conversation to distract them both. Finally, too soon, it was time. Ray threw a desperate look at the orderlies and tightened his grip on Ben's hand for a second.
"I'll be right here, OK?" He got a sleepy nod in reply. "I love you Benny." He bent over to kiss Ben's pale cheek, then stepped back.
He watched the gurney disappear down the hallway to the Operating Room with a feeling of suppressed panic and leaned against the wall shaking with the effort of not running after it. He didn't know how long he'd been there when a touch on his arm made him flinch.
It was a nurse. Young, male, and sympathetic-looking. "Mr Vecchio, your family is waiting just down the hallway. Would you like me to take you to them?"
Ray pushed himself away from the wall with an effort. "Sure."
They weren't very far away, just around a corner, in a little waiting area with some chairs and a potted plant. Frannie and Duncan were there, and the boys. Fraser was pacing restlessly, and turned as soon as he caught sight of Ray.
"Pop, what's happening?" His voice sounded frightened. "Is Dad going to be all right?"
Ray tried to answer, but the words just wouldn't come. He stood, frozen and speechless, as Fraser grabbed him by the shoulders. "Pop?"
The tightness in his chest was so painful that for a moment Ray thought he might be having a heart attack. Then a choked sob escaped him. Fraser's face went deathly white. "He's not... he can't be..."
He realised, through a haze of near panic, what Fraser feared and managed to shake his head, but speech was beyond him. He sobbed again and Fraser pulled him into a tight embrace. That was all it took to send him over the edge. Ray clung to his son helplessly as his body was wracked with sobs.
It was a strange feeling to be so securely held by someone who, only a few years before had sat on his lap and called him daddy. Now, he realised for the first time that Fraser was both taller and heavier than he was. None of it mattered right now, but a small part of his mind recognised the change with some shock. Gradually he became aware that other bodies clustered around him. Frannie's perfume signalled her presence. Gil was there too, his arms around both Ray and Fraser. Even Duncan, who had never really got used to the Vecchio family's way of doing things, was patting his shoulder in an awkward effort at comfort.
Ray took a deep breath and straightened, pulling free of Fraser's embrace. "I'm OK. Sorry."
Fraser shrugged, obviously embarrassed, though he'd been crying too. Gil was holding tightly to his hand now, and watching them both anxiously.
"Ray, what's happening? Is Benton going to be all right?" Frannie shook his arm impatiently.
"I dunno." Ray's voice shook, and he had to fight to continue. "They said the bullet's moved. It depends how it's placed. They're gonna try to take it out."
"What bullet? What are you talking about?" Fraser's voice was shocked. "Did somebody shoot Dad? I didn't hear anything!"
Ray exchanged a look with Frannie. Even she didn't know the whole story, but she knew enough. "Fraser, it all happened before you were born. Benny's had a bullet in his back for nearly twenty years. Now it's moved."
It was obvious that Fraser was full of questions, but Ray held up his hand. "Not now, Fraser. We can talk about it later."
"All right." Fraser subsided briefly, leaning against Gil's side. "Dad is going to be all right, isn't he?"
He shrugged, feeling sick. "It's too soon to say. He could end up paralysed..." He didn't voice his worst fears, but from the look on Fraser's face, he didn't need to.
*
The glare of the hospital lights was relentless. Ray paced and tried not to look at his watch too often. It was well after midnight, he knew, and Frannie and Duncan had finally gone home an hour or more ago. Fraser and Gil sat as close as they could, holding hands and talking quietly, their heads bent together. Ray could almost envy them that closeness right now. It seemed like he and Ben had spent most of their lives with each other having to hide their love.
It was taking far too long. Over five hours now, and the longer it took, the more danger there was for Ben. At first he'd worried about the outcome, but now all he wanted was for it to be over, and his lover safe. The night was beginning to seem endless.
"Pop?" Fraser's voice startled Ray out of his fugue. He held out a Styrofoam cup. "I got you some coffee."
Ray hadn't noticed him leave, but then he wasn't noticing much of anything. He saw that Gil was nearby, and holding two more cups. The three of them sat and sipped unenthusiastically at the coffee. It tasted foul. Ray looked at the two boys and sighed. He and Ben had been so lucky to have Fraser, and now Gil had come into their lives and was rapidly becoming part of the family, in spite of his shyness. He wondered if there was any chance of persuading them to go home and decided that it wasn't even worth the effort of trying.
Fraser was watching him expectantly. He supposed he might as well tell them about how Benny had got that bullet in his back. God knew he didn't want to, but it would have to come out someday, and even the prospect of telling them seemed better than this endless waiting...
*
Although he was sure he'd been lying perfectly still, there was a sudden rustling of the sheets and the sweet kiss of skin against skin. Warm breath flowed like honey over his shoulder. "Frase? You OK?"
Fraser turned into Gil's arms feeling a mixture of guilt at waking him, and relief at not being alone. "I just couldn't sleep."
Gil's arms tightened. "Because of what Pop told you? About your Mom?"
"No." Fraser sighed. "I already knew most of it. Dad told me years ago. But he never told me about Pop shooting him. I guess he thought it was Pop's story to tell. Anyway, it's not that. At least, not much…" He realised he wasn't making much sense, but Gil didn't seem to mind. Their lips touched gently and Fraser opened his mouth to his lover.
After a moment Gil drew back and Fraser rested his head against the slim shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent of their bodies. Fingers moved soothingly through his hair while Gil waited for him to continue. The memory of his father's face when he'd joined them in the waiting room came back to haunt him, as it had all night, and he shivered.
"He just looked so old… I mean, well, I know they're old. They're over fifty. But they never seemed old before." He swallowed a sick feeling in his stomach. He'd never thought before tonight that he might lose one, or both, of his parents, not even when they'd gotten into something dangerous and got hurt. He wasn't ready to think it now.
Gil's breath stirred his hair. "He's going to be all right, Frase. You heard the doctors."
"Yeah. I know. I just can't stop thinking about it."
"Want some help?" Gil moved invitingly against him.
His body responded immediately. "Oh, yeah…"
They kissed again, tongues sliding in a sweet dance. Gil liked kissing and so did he. The first three weeks they'd been together it was all they'd been able to do. Until the night Gil had turned eighteen. Just the thought of that night nearly made him lose control. Fraser froze, trembling, and Gil stroked his back soothingly.
"It's OK. Take it easy."
Under Gil's gentle hands, he recovered his equilibrium enough to do a little caressing of his own. The feel of Gil's skin, like satin under his fingers, was a comfort all on its own. Their bodies resumed the slow movements, sliding cock against cock, sending shivers of a different kind through both of them. Soon he was gasping out Gil's name as heat burst between them.
Was this what his fathers felt when they made love? This helpless kind of tenderness, that was almost unbearably intense? Fraser decided he didn't have the energy to think about it. He snuggled a fraction of a millimetre closer to Gil and slept.
It felt like there was a huge weight resting on his chest, preventing him from breathing. And his mouth was unpleasantly dry, his tongue swollen and fuzzy. He tried to open his eyes and found he didn't have the strength. His mind refused to focus enough concentration for another attempt. The most he could manage was a faint protesting sound.
"Benny?" Ray's presence, unseen, but making itself felt all the same, was suddenly beside him. A hand touched his shoulder.
He thought he managed to say Ray's name, but it didn't sound right. His mouth and throat felt like they were clogged with cotton wool.
The hand moved to his cheek. It felt delightfully cool. "Hang on a minute, Benny."
A damp cloth wiped over his face improved things considerably. Ben began to think about trying to open his eyes again. Soft moist lips touched his own. A tongue slid between them, delivering a tiny trickle of liquid and then withdrawing. It was the best thing he'd ever tasted. His tongue worked a little trying to spread the inadequate gift around his parched mouth. Another brush of lips heralded further relief.
He sighed, exhausted even by that small effort, and the lips brushed against his cheek. His hair was stroked soothingly.
"It's OK, love. You just lie still. I won't be going anywhere."
It seemed like eminently sensible advice.
*
In spite of Gil's efforts, neither of them had slept much. At six thirty they'd woken beyond all hope of getting back to sleep and dragged themselves out of bed. A pot of coffee shared between them had helped a little, and a freezing cold shower completed the cure, at least temporarily. They went straight to the hospital.
Fraser stood in the doorway of his father's room and stared at the two of them. Dad, looking every minute of his age and more, in the hospital bed; and Pop, looking even worse, an awkward, crumpled heap in the chair. It occurred to him suddenly that, if one of them died, the other might not survive for very long after that. He took a deep breath and deliberately pushed the thought away. This wasn't the time to be thinking stuff like that.
"Maybe we should wait outside." Gil's voice was quiet, but Ray stirred in the chair, lifting his head and staring about blearily.
"Pop." Fraser stepped into the room, and his father's head turned towards him. He started to drag himself out of the chair, stumbling as no doubt cramped muscles refused to answer to his demands. Fraser went to help.
With Gil on his other side, the two of them managed to get him straightened up. Ray grinned at them shakily. "I'm too old to sleep in chairs. Especially ones like that."
"How is he?" Fraser cast a glance in the direction of the bed.
"Not bad. He woke a couple of hours ago, just for a few minutes. He's sleeping more normally now." Ray sighed and stretched his back. "Stay here, will ya? I've gotta go to the bathroom."
Fraser went over to the bed. The monitor was steady, and his father's breathing seemed all right, but he was a sickly pale colour and there were deep shadows around his eyes. The grey hair at his temples seemed much more pronounced all of a sudden. Gil's arms came around him from behind and his chin rested comfortingly on Fraser's shoulder. Fraser rubbed his cheek against the blond mop.
When Ray came back he went over to the window and drew back the curtains. The morning sun seemed far too cheerful to Fraser, but his father brightened.
"How about some breakfast? You two had anything yet?" They shook their heads. Neither of them had felt like eating. Ray was already pulling his wallet out. "Go get something. I don't care what. Just make sure you get lots of coffee. Good coffee."
Fraser grinned, feeling better. "We'll be right back."
It took longer than he expected, but then, it was a Sunday morning, and there weren't so many places open as there might have been on a weekday. Ray was still on his feet, working the kinks out of his shoulder, when they returned. His drawn face lit up at the smell of the coffee, and Fraser handed him that first.
Five minutes later, perched beside Gil on the window ledge because there were no extra chairs, Fraser reflected on the magical properties of coffee. Pop looked almost human now. Fraser handed him another cruller.
"You two look like Hell." Ray grinned at them.
Fraser grinned back. "So do you." He glanced across at the bed. "What do the doctors say?"
The grin faded. "It's too soon to tell. When he's a bit stronger, and awake, they can run some tests on him." Ray shrugged. "They said the operation went well, in spite of it taking so long."
Well, it had been too much to hope for, he supposed. Fraser looked his father over. He was still wearing the tuxedo from last night, badly crumpled now. He looked exhausted. Fraser doubted he'd slept much in that awful chair. "Pop, why don't you go home with Gil? I'll stay here until you get back."
Ray was already shaking his head, before the first sentence was finished. "I'll stay here till he wakes. Then I'll think about it, OK?"
"But, Pop…"
They were interrupted by the faint sound of rustling. Ray whirled around to lean over the bed. "Benny?"
A weak sound answered him. Ray leaned closer and took hold of his lover's hand. "Benny… love?"
Fraser saw the shadowed lids flicker and lift slightly. A hand clutched at his and Gil leaned closer to him. He almost forgot to breathe as Ben's eyes opened. A weak smile flickered across his father's lips. Ray leaned even closer and brushed his fingertips across the pale cheek.
"Benny…" Ray's voice was shaking. He clasped the hand that lifted, fractionally, from the smooth, hospital sheet and raised it to his lips.
His heart began to thud painfully in his chest, and Gil's grip tightened. Lips brushed his cheek. "Let's go Frase." It was only the hint of a whisper.
Gil was right; they needed to be alone. All the same, it was incredibly difficult to leave. He glanced back as they reached the door and saw, clearly, the tears on Ray's cheeks.
*
"Ray, you really don't have to do this." Ben looked up at his lover with a mixture of irritation and amusement.
And got a wicked grin in reply. "Trust me Benny. I do have to do this."
The bed bath resumed, with great attention to detail, where it had left off. He'd been out of hospital for three days; and mobile for over a week before that. He was perfectly capable of washing himself. Even having a shower, if he felt like it. Except that Ray insisted on giving him a bed bath each morning. And making him take an afternoon nap. And sending him to bed at eight thirty every evening, much to the boys' ill concealed amusement.
Ben shifted restlessly under Ray's ministrations, and then, with a sudden spurt of common sense, admitted to himself that he'd be quite happy to do all of those things, if only he didn't feel like they were a necessity. The fact was, it had taken him a lot longer to recover than he'd thought it would, and he resented it. Partly to blame was the length of the operation… far longer than anybody had expected. Too much shock to his system, too much anaesthetic. The rest of it... well, he wasn't as young as he had been the last time.
The bed bath was drawing reluctantly to a close. Ben studied Ray through his lashes. After the operation it had been hard to tell who looked worse, him or Ray, but in the last few days the sparkle had come back into Ray's eyes, and he'd started complaining again. Almost as soon as they'd stepped foot in the apartment, as a matter of fact… he supposed a bed bath every morning was a small price to pay for Ray's peace of mind.
"What?" Ray cocked his head.
"Oh, nothing." He drew Ray down for a kiss. Now if only he could muster the energy… but he couldn't, and he knew it. He needed all his strength for the exercise routine Ray put him through twice daily. "When are you going back to work, Ray? Surely you don't have any leave remaining?"
Ray just grinned. "It's all arranged, Benny. Don't worry about it. In fact…" he eyed Ben measuringly "I wasn't gonna tell you just yet, but I figure in a couple of days you'll be ready… I've rented a place up by the border. We can go there as soon as the doctor gives us the go ahead."
"But Ray…" Ben sat up suddenly. "Your job…"
"I told you. It's all taken care of." Ray took him in his arms and kissed his throat. "It'll be great, Benny. Just you and me and the great outdoors. The doc thinks the fresh air and sunshine'll be good for you. We can finish our honeymoon…" he waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "And there's two bedrooms, so the boys can come up and visit."
He was hopelessly outmanoeuvred. Ben submitted to his fate with a sigh.
*
"Wake up, Benny. We're here."
Ben opened his eyes and glared at Ray. "I was not asleep. I just had my eyes closed."
"Sure. So why have we been sitting here for the last five minutes?" Ray grinned at him triumphantly.
There was no way he could win an argument like that. Ben pursed his lips and ignored his lover.
"Well? What do ya think, Benny?"
Did Ray sound just a bit nervous? Ben turned his head to look out the side window and caught his breath. It was a cabin. Very like his father's had been. The same rough wood slabs formed the walls, almost the same design too. Except this one was nestled in a much more forgiving landscape. There were trees everywhere, and a small lake less than a hundred metres from the cabin.
"Ray, how did you find this place?" He could hardly believe what he saw.
"I was asking around, that's all, and somebody sent me a photo of the cabin. As soon as I saw it, I knew we had to come here." Ray leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Let's go have a look inside."
Inside, the differences were more obvious. For one thing, this cabin was much larger than his father's, though not much less Spartan. There were two bedrooms, one with a double bed, one with twin beds. Neither of them had room for more than the beds and a set of drawers. Apart from the bathroom, housed in a small lean-to against the back wall, the living area was the only other room.
Like his father's cabin, it had a pot-bellied stove, which Ben assumed was used both for cooking and heating. Certainly there was no range in the kitchen area; only a bench, some storage cupboards, and a sink. Ben watched as Ray inspected the cupboards, half expecting him to find a microwave in one of them.
He walked over to Ray and put his arms around him from behind. "Thank you, love. It's a wonderful surprise."
Ray turned in his arms and slid his hands around Ben's waist. "You sure it's not too fancy for you? It's got running water, you know. Out of faucets. And the john's inside."
"I'll manage." He kissed Ray deeply. It wasn't as though he couldn't appreciate the luxury hotels that Ray preferred, but being here was like taking a step back into his childhood. It touched him that Ray had chosen this place, rather than something more modern. "I take it you're going to chop the firewood?"
"It's already done. And if we run low, the boys can chop some more for us when they come up." Ray lifted an eyebrow quizzically. "You want to take an afternoon nap while I get dinner started?"
Reminded of Ray's insulting accusations, Ben pouted. "I thought I'd already had one, Ray. I'll help you."
"Oh no you won't. Why don't you just sit on the couch, then. You can talk to me." Ray pushed him in the direction of the couch.
He must have fallen asleep almost immediately, he realised later.
For late September, the weather was great, much to Ray's delight. Every day they'd been able to go for a walk in the morning and afternoon. And every day, they'd walked just a little further. He'd watched Ben come alive in the fresh air and warmth and the peacefulness of the countryside. Like now, sitting cross-legged and serious as a kid in school on the blanket they'd laid down for their picnic lunch.
Their boots and socks had been removed and placed to one side, and Ray could see his lover's toes peeking pinkly from under his jeans-clad legs. He took a last mouthful of coffee and then dropped the cup into the top of the backpack that held the remains of their food.
Today they'd walked much further than before, with the plan of resting up before starting the trek back. Ray briefly considered suggesting a nap to Ben, but his lover was getting so sensitive on the subject that he decided it wasn't worth it. "Well, Benny? What do you want to do now? I figure we don't need to start back for at least a couple of hours."
Ben looked at him speculatively and Ray wondered what was going through his mind. Something he wasn't likely to agree with, he suspected.
"Well…" Ben shifted onto his knees and shuffled over to where Ray was sitting, leaning back against a large tree. Oak, or maybe maple… he was no tree expert.
He grinned up at Ben who lowered himself until he was sitting back on his heels.
"…I thought perhaps we could just spend some quality time together, Ray." Ben leaned forward and kissed him.
It wasn't a friendly kiss, or even a comfortable long-time lover's kiss. It was a deep and rich and very, very sexy kiss. A let's get laid kiss. Ray pulled back reluctantly, ignoring every nerve ending in his body that told him to take that kiss as far as he could.
"Benny, we shouldn't…" he was silenced by Ben's mouth.
"Yes we should, Ray." Lips brushed tenderly against his cheek, travelled down his throat and returned, devastatingly, to his mouth.
It had been so long… the ache spread throughout his body and Ray knew he didn't stand a chance. He lifted a hand to cup Ben's cheek returning the kiss with every fibre of his being. Ben moaned softly against his lips, and Ray wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him over to perch sideways across his lap.
When their lips finally parted, Ray shifted slightly and drew Ben closer to lean against his chest, head nestling comfortably on his shoulder. Of course it didn't stop there. Ben's lips brushed against the base of his throat and his fingers got busy with the buttons of Ray's shirt.
"Oh, God… Benny…" he curled his fingers around Ben's head, carding his fingers through the dark hair and, not coincidentally, drawing him closer still. His free hand slid over Ben's chest, stroking, brushing against a nipple, taut beneath the cloth.
Ben had got Ray's shirt open now and twisted in his arms, slipping down between his parted thighs. He pulled both shirt and undershirt free of the jeans, pushing the undershirt far up Ray's chest. The touch of those hands on his bare skin made Ray moan helplessly and he attacked Ben's shirt with too eager fingers, barely able to manage the buttons. Then Ben's lips found his nipple and for a long moment the world stood still.
It was difficult just to remember to breathe as the gentle tugging sensation overwhelmed all else. Even Ben was making soft, helpless noises as he sucked, and his fingers strayed to the other nipple. For a moment Ray simply surrendered to the sweetness of it, allowing the floodwaters of his desire to carry him along. When the first intensity of it receded a little, Ray heaved a huge sigh and began again to unbutton Ben's shirt.
Ray's fingers slid over smooth satiny skin and Ben paused in his suckling to groan appreciatively and gasp out his name. Then he was on the move again, lips travelling down over Ray's chest. If Ray had been in any doubt about his ultimate destination, Ben's fingers, busily unzipping his jeans, would have provided enough of a clue. It seemed like an eternity before the zipper was fully open and Ben's hand, pushing down the soft, clinging cloth of his briefs, allowed his cock to spring free.
The brush of cooler air over his cock sent a shock of pleasure through him. The warm, wet softness of Ben's lips nearly made him lose control. Ray gritted his teeth, clenched his fists in the blanket beneath him, and rode it out. Ben settled to a steady sucking, his head bobbing up and down, drawing out the pleasure for both of them.
Still, there was no question of it lasting for very long. Both of them were far too needy. Ray caressed his lover's chest and side and wished he could reach the swelling bulge in his jeans. The pressure was building fast now. Too fast. He gasped out a warning, which Ben ignored completely. Then it was too late. He managed to hold still as the climax hit him, and thought he saw spots dancing before his eyes.
When he felt like he could move without shattering into a million pieces Ray leaned forward and drew Ben back up into his arms. They shared a long, semen flavoured, satisfied kiss. Then Ben settled against his shoulder, and Ray ran his hand lightly down the sturdy body and over the swollen crotch. Ben jumped, then flinched.
"What is it love? Are you OK?" Anxiety flooded him, though he knew he was over-reacting.
Ben shifted slightly, obviously uncomfortable. "I'm fine Ray. For God's sake don't stop now."
He looked down at his lover's body, noticing for the first time the awkward angle Ben was lying in, and the fact that his back was totally unsupported. "You shouldn't be all twisted up like that, Benny, you'll wreck your back. You know you have to be careful." And he urged Ben into an upright position, ignoring his protests.
Ben eyed him resentfully, and with some justification, he supposed, but that wasn't going to stop him. He ran his hand lightly down Ben's back, feeling the tense muscles tighten still further under his hand.
"Here, lean forward a bit." He gently massaged Ben's lower back and felt his lover relax slightly. "Better?"
"Yes."
So he still wasn't forgiven. Ray grinned faintly to himself. "Listen, Benny, we don't have to stop. We can just… rearrange things."
They shifted around then, until Ray was satisfied, though Ben most certainly wasn't. "Ray, how on earth do you…"
"Sh." Ray kissed the nape of his neck. "Just lean back against me, OK?" He tugged gently and Ben complied reluctantly.
Not bad, Ray supposed, but still, they could improve on that a bit. He pushed Ben forward again, long enough to peel Ben's shirt and undershirt off over his head. It was definitely better to feel warm skin against his bare chest than flannel. Ben sighed and wriggled sensuously as Ray began to stroke his chest.
"See? Isn't that better?"
An abstracted grunt was the only reply. He nuzzled Ben's neck while his fingers went in search of a nipple. The change in texture, and a huge sigh, told him when he'd reached his goal. Ray peered down over Ben's shoulder and watched as he slowly rolled the tip between his fingers, drawing a moan from his lover.
Soon he had Ben rubbing against his chest and all but purring as he stroked the broad expanse of pale skin. The swelling in the front of his jeans was another indication that things were going better than Ray could have possibly expected. It was time to raise the stakes. He reached for the zipper.
"Oh, God!" The words fairly burst from Ben's lips and his whole body arched upwards.
Ray slid his hand inside the jeans and caressed the thickly swollen cock. It quivered in his hand like a live thing as he squeezed it gently. Then Ben's hands were there too, pushing jeans and boxers down, lifting his hips to slide them off completely.
He never would have managed it without Ray's help. It was a startling and curiously satisfying sensation, to see his lover so out of control, and the view, once it was done, was spectacular. All that pale skin and firm, rounded muscle… and, best of all, the cock rising flushed and eager between his hands. He stroked it lovingly, knowing that Ben couldn't last long, and not wanting to push him too far too soon.
Even so, Ben writhed in his arms, his breath coming in strangled gasps as his body sought its release. His balls were drawn up hot and tight against his body and all too soon, Ray felt the contractions start, pushing out hot jets of pearly liquid. The scent of it was heavy in the air around them. Then, at last, Ben slumped back against him with a soft moan and lay still except for his rapid breathing.
Even Ray was feeling rather breathless. He slowly stroked his lover's chest, avoiding his nipples now, and waited for Ben to recover. When, after several minutes, there was no change in Ben's posture, he began to feel alarmed.
"Benny?"
Ben's now quiet breathing was the only response. He was asleep. Ray sighed. If they stayed like this for too long, Benny wouldn't be the only one with a bad back. Besides Benny could catch a chill…
He shifted Ben slightly against his shoulder, trying to ease him down, but his body, totally relaxed now, was too heavy and he didn't want to take the risk of jarring him. Ray shook the pale shoulder gently and Ben's dark lashes fluttered against his cheek.
"Come on, love, I have to move you." He shook the shoulder again and Ben's eyes opened a little.
"Mn?" He was still more than half asleep, but Ben co-operated as best he could. Soon he was lying on the blanket, still naked and rapidly losing consciousness again.
Ray leaned over his and kissed him, his tongue brushing lightly across Ben's parted lips. It roused his lover a little, as he'd hoped. Grey-blue eyes stared up at him and Ben smiled sleepily. "You OK, Benny?"
"Just a bit tired, Ray." The words were a little slurred.
"OK, you just rest. There's no hurry." Ray pulled the blanket over his lover's pale body and watched as he drifted off to sleep. Then he stretched, wondering what he was going to do for the next hour or so. Nothing much occurred to him. He certainly wasn't going to go anywhere and there was nothing for him to do here, however pretty this little glade of trees was.
A huge yawn shook him unexpectedly. He glanced down at his lover's sleeping face. Maybe he could take a little nap too… He lay down beside Ben and a moment later, with that instinct he always seemed to have, even asleep, Ben rolled against him, his arm wrapping itself around Ray's waist. Ray slipped an arm under him and drew his head against his shoulder.
*
"They're here, Benny." Ray stuck his head through the doorway, and Ben put aside the dishcloth and went out to meet the boys.
There was no car outside, apart from the Riv, and Ben raised his eyebrows at the sight of the two dusty and dishevelled young men approaching the cabin. They must have caught the bus to the nearest town, five miles away. Fraser grinned broadly.
"You look great, Dad." He looked at Ray teasingly. "You too, Pop. What have you guys been getting up to?"
Ridiculously, Ben could feel himself blushing. He stepped forward to relieve Gil of his backpack, as Ray did the same for Fraser. "I've been resting, as the doctor ordered. Why didn't you bring the car?"
"It broke down and it's still getting fixed." Gil looked at him nervously. Even after living with them for over three months he was still a little shy, especially, Ben acknowledged, with himself. Ray had managed to build a rapport with the younger boy, but he had found it more difficult to get past Gil's reserve.
His instincts told him there was more to it than Gil was saying, but he smiled encouragingly. "Well, these things happen. Would you like to come inside and wash up? Ray was just about to make some coffee."
That was news to Ray, but he didn't say anything. Ben stepped back to allow Gil to go first and was caught in a hug by Fraser.
"I meant it, Dad. You look way better." A wicked grin spoiled the serious tone.
Ben smiled, completely unable to resist his son's charm, even when he ought to know better. "I am. What's wrong with the car?"
Now it was Fraser's turn to blush. "I had an accident. Just a little one, honestly."
Ben sighed. It looked like everything was back to normal. Coffee suddenly seemed like a very good idea. He followed Fraser into the cabin where Ray was obviously getting ready to give Gil the guided tour. Seeing Gil looking more relaxed already, Ben hung back, following the little group around the cabin.
It was a brief but comprehensive tour. Interestingly, the second bedroom was left till last. Ray pushed the door open with a flourish. "And this is your room."
The two boys exchanged a dismayed look at the sight of the twin beds, much to Ben's amusement. He thought he detected a wicked gleam in Ray's eyes, but his lover's face was bland. He caught hold of Ray's arm and drew him away from the door. "Why don't you settle in, and wash up? We'll get that coffee ready."
*
It was another hot day, hot enough for Fraser to insist on staying in the shade. Unlike Gil, he didn't have a tan line to maintain. But today even Gil had been happy enough to settle down on a blanket under a tree instead of baking in the full sun. Especially since it meant they could strip off completely and make up for the fact that they'd slept in separate beds last night for the first time since Gil had turned eighteen.
Of course, it was nobody's fault that the second bedroom had twin beds instead of a double, but Fraser suspected that Pop had taken an entirely unnecessary delight in that fact. He didn't mind too much; the image of his father's haunted face in the waiting room was still too easy to recall. Anything that made him as happy and relaxed as he was now was OK as far as Fraser was concerned.
Even with the breeze off the lake, only a few metres away, the heat was enough to almost put him to sleep. Besides, there weren't many things he'd prefer to do than lie drowsing beside his lover after an afternoon's enthusiastic lovemaking. A soft grunt and a stirring beside him made Fraser open his eyes reluctantly as Gil levered himself to his feet and trailed over to disappear behind the nearest bush. Fraser grinned, admiring the brief triangle of pale skin over his butt. The tan line was well worth maintaining.
On Gil's return the view was even better. Fraser admired the contrast of milky skin against gold, and the long swell of his lover's cock, surrounded by honey blond curls at least a couple of shades darker than the sun bleached hair on Gil's head. He rolled onto his side and propped himself up on one elbow as Gil strolled back to his side, far more slowly than was strictly necessary, and dropped to sit cross legged, facing him.
The invitation was implicit and Fraser had no intention of refusing it. He sat up and leaned into his lover's embrace, exchanging slow kisses and stroking the smooth, slightly sweaty skin. It was nice sometimes, he'd discovered, to take his time and enjoy the slow build up of pleasure. In spite of that, his body wasn't quite so willing to go easy and the growing ache in his groin made him impatient. It had been a very long night.
His hand slid down over Gil's belly, and cupped itself around the heavy genitals. A quiet gasp against his throat conveyed Gil's complete approval. It felt almost too good to be real sometimes… how could just touching his lover make him feel like this? He lowered his head to kiss the dark gold bud of Gil's nipple and felt the rapid fluttering of his heart. Then, too restless to linger, Fraser kissed his way over the quivering muscles of his belly, drawn inevitably to the heady scent of sex emanating from the thick pale cock still cradled lovingly in his palm.
Fraser kissed the lovely thing, then looked up into Gil's face, wanting to share his reactions, and to heighten his lover's anticipation. And his own. They exchanged a smile.
Oh God... The taste of him was exquisitely familiar now, and yet Fraser was shaken by the intensity of his response. He closed his eyes, fighting for control, and began, awkwardly, to suck. Gil's fingers, entwined in his hair, guided him into a smooth rhythm. He needed one hand to support himself, but the other strayed over Gil's body, instinctively seeking every extra little bit of contact he could manage.
Above his head Gil groaned suddenly, and caught his breath as his hips tried to thrust forward. Fraser paused for a moment, then drew back until just the cockhead was still in his mouth. His tongue slid gently across the slick surface, teasing, then he plunged down again, taking the cock as deeply into his mouth as he could. Neither of them was exactly expert at this yet.
"Oh God, Frase…" Fraser opened his eyes and looked up to see Gil's head thrown back, stretching the muscles of his throat taut. Then he swallowed and the muscles rippled. "Oh God, I love you."
He froze, and for a moment everything seemed to hang suspended on those few words. Then Gil looked down at him and smiled calmly. "I love you."
Suddenly he was in Gil's arms, with no memory of having moved. Too overwhelmed even to kiss they clung to each other, and Fraser found he was trying to talk and laugh and cry, all at the same time. So, it seemed, was Gil, his brief moment of self-possession already a distant memory.
Gradually coherence and a sense of the world outside themselves returned. The sun was still shining. The birds and insects were making the appropriate noises. Even the tiny breeze still played over their skins. It seemed all wrong, somehow, that anything should still be the same. Fraser lifted his head from Gil's shoulder and looked into his chocolate coloured eyes.
"I haven't said it yet." He waited, but Gil was silent. The fluttering in his stomach intensified and he knew that his voice was going to shake. "I love you too. Oh Gil, I want… I want…"
He was pushed firmly to the ground and with a quick twist, Gil was straddling his thigh, dropping forward to grind against him. Fraser responded without thought, pushing up against him with a desperate urgency. But after a moment Gil slowed and pushed himself up at arm's length. Their eyes locked together, in an embrace more intimate than anything their bodies could achieve.
Fraser was beginning to recognise that thoughtful expression on Gil's face. It meant that he was thinking up something special. After a moment Gil moved, slipping between Fraser's parted legs. He knelt there, stroking slowly up and down the sensitive inner thighs as Fraser shivered helplessly, occasionally bending forward to kiss his cock or his balls.
Before long the kisses had grown longer, hotter, sweeter, and Fraser drew his legs up, mutely offering himself. Gil paused long enough to send him a wicked little smile and then lowered his head to bathe Fraser's balls with soft wet caresses of his tongue. A groan burst from Fraser's mouth, but the caresses continued unabated, moving down beneath his balls.
"Gil!" His body arched almost off the ground and Gil paused.
"Trust me?"
There was only one possible answer, but Fraser was too breathless to speak. He nodded fervently. Gil pushed his legs back even further, until Fraser was half curled back on himself, then lowered his head once more. Fraser felt attentive fingers stroke, then part, his cheeks and the gentle tonguing began again.
It was as though something inside him was burning, turning molten in the heat of his desire. It became more and more difficult to breathe, though he would have died rather than ask Gil to stop. After what seemed like an eternity, Gil raised his head. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes almost closed and Fraser found enough detachment from somewhere to be amused at his lover's dazed expression.
At last Gil leaned towards him, and without needing to be told, Fraser released his grip on his legs and lifted them over Gil's shoulders. His heart was hammering with excitement and nerves, but he didn't hesitate. Gil pressed closer again, and now Fraser could feel his cock pressing urgently between his ass cheeks. A tremor reverberated through both their bodies.
Gil was rubbing himself slowly back and forth along the cleft of Fraser's ass, his face almost incandescent with pleasure. It was only gradually that Fraser realised that nothing more was going to happen. Unless…
He reached up to touch Gil's face. "Gil… please…" his throat was so dry he had to swallow before he could continue. "Fuck me, Gil… please…"
The lids clenched shut over Gil's dark eyes but not before Fraser saw the desire in them. The tousled blond mop shook slowly from side to side. "Not… not ready… not today…" he shuddered, and then with an obvious effort, continued the slow rocking of his hips that was driving Fraser to distraction.
They'd made love often enough, now, for him to see the first signs that Gil was ready to climax. With a groan, Fraser reached up to pull his lover closer. Gil slid along his body and now their cocks were pressed between them. He moved then, lifting his legs away from Gil's shoulders and wrapping them around his waist. They were in familiar territory now, and they both relaxed a little.
Gil's head drooped against his shoulder and Fraser brushed back the wet strands of hair and licked away a trickle of sweat from his lover's cheek. They were both wet with it, making the movement of skin against skin a slippery, almost frictionless glide. Fraser slid his hands down over the curve of Gil's spine and cupped his buttocks. With a little moan, Gil began to drive against him and Fraser's hips surged up to meet him.
Their movements grew wilder and more frantic by the second. Sensation piled upon sensation, plunging Fraser into overload. He cried out, pushing up against Gil's for one heart-stopping, endless moment as he came. Then he was falling, returning to his exhausted body, and the weight of his lover, covering him.
He was hot, sweaty, and probably stinking. All he could think about was how cool that lake water would be. When he could hear again, over the pounding of his heart, Fraser turned his head to kiss Gil's overheated cheek. "You wanna go for a swim?"
Gil blinked at him uncomprehendingly, and he laughed for the sheer joy of being alive and in love.
A soft moan woke Ben from a light doze and he lay still, trying to ignore the quiet sounds from the other side of his bedroom wall. It wasn't that he was embarrassed, or that he disapproved; he'd just never expected to be quite so intimately involved in his son's sex life.
Something had happened between them today. They'd disappeared late morning and hadn't returned until well after dinner time. And when they had returned… he remembered how they'd looked; their fingers entwined as they walked, their bodies unconsciously leaning towards each other. The dazed, ecstatic look on their faces. They'd hardly been aware of anything outside the charmed circle that surrounded them.
He knew what they were feeling; knew it in every fibre of his body, every drop of blood in his veins. He just hadn't been prepared to see it in his son. Part of him was happy for Fraser. And for Gil. But part of him protested… he was so young, too young for this. There were so many things that could go wrong, so many ways for both the boys to get hurt. But it was too late now, all he could really do was protect them as much as possible, and be ready when, if, one or both of them got hurt.
Things seemed to be heating up in the next room. A loud groan distracted Ben from his thoughts and brought Ray awake with a grunt.
"Are they at it again? Randy little bastards." He rolled onto his side, facing Ben. "Are they keeping you awake, Benny? I'll go tell them to cut it out."
Ben turned his head and smiled at his lover. "No. I'm just not sleepy. I've had far too much sleep lately."
Ray inspected him intently. Here, away from the city, the night sky blazed with stars, shedding more than adequate light into their room. "So why don't you tell me what's wrong, Benny?"
"What's wrong is, I can't seem to keep a thought to myself these days." He smiled at Ray and waved his hand towards the bedroom wall. "It's nothing, Ray. Those two are making me feel old. That's all." And that was true enough. He didn't have to admit to being an over-anxious father as well.
"We are getting old, Benny. Look at us… we're both over fifty, we're slowing down. Just think about how long it's taken you to get over the operation… I can't even remember what it was like to be eighteen."
Ben stared at him in shock. Ray sounded depressed, almost desperate. "Ray… this is silly. Fifty one is not old. Look at your mother. She's eighty six, and still strong. My grandparents were nearly eighty when they died. We've still got years ahead of us."
"I know." Ray shifted restlessly and Ben moved closer to him, wrapping him in his arms. He sighed, his breath a warm caress on Ben's shoulder. "I guess seeing Fraser and Gil together… it just makes me feel like we've lost so much, not meeting until we were in our thirties. And then, while we've been together, it's always been you, me, and Fraser. I've never really had you to myself. Sometimes it feels like I never will."
"Ray, why didn't you say something?" He nuzzled the curve of Ray's neck lovingly and heard another sigh.
A hand came up to stroke his hair. "Maybe because there was never any real choice. Maybe because it's only been these last few weeks, when we've been together all the time, that I've started to feel like this." Ray groaned softly. "You know, Benny, in spite of being worried sick about you… these last few weeks, they've been the best I can remember, just because of us being together all the time. Just you and me."
Ben couldn't help laughing. "Don't forget the nurses, and the doctors, and your family visiting every other day. And the boys, in the evenings."
"Well, OK, them too. But it was different. You know it was."
Ray was right. There'd been something quite special about the last few weeks. Ray had all but moved into the hospital, spending all day and half the night there. They'd hardly been apart for more than a few minutes whenever he'd been awake. "You know, Ray, I still don't understand how you managed to get so much time off work."
"That was easy." Ben could hear the smile in Ray's voice. "I told 'em, either give me the time off, or they could find themselves a new lieutenant."
He stared at Ray in shock. "Ray, you didn't!"
"Sure I did. I meant it too."
"But…" Ben pushed himself onto his elbows, placed strategically one on either side of Ray's body.
Ray didn't try to escape. He raised both hands to caress Ben's chest. "I've been thinking, Benny…" His eyes, wide and solemn, lifted to met Ben's. "We could take early retirement."
Ben took a deep breath, ready to protest, but Ray interrupted him. "Not right away. I know we can't afford it yet. But in a few years… three, maybe four, Fraser and Gil will be able to pay their own way. We've almost paid off the mortgage on the apartment, and it's worth a Hell of a lot more than when we bought it. We could sell it, buy someplace cheap…"
"This cabin, perhaps?" He was only teasing, but Ray looked up at him seriously.
"If you want to. We'd have to get electricity put in, though. But I thought maybe you'd like to go back to Canada."
That was a thought that had never even occurred to him. He'd spent so many years in America now, he'd almost forgotten what it was like to live in Canada. He leaned down to kiss his lover. "Ray, it's a wonderful thought, and I love you for thinking of it, but it doesn't matter where we live. What matters is that we're together."
"Well, that's what I want. For us to be together all the time. To do the things we never got a chance to do when we first got together, because we had Fraser to look after." Ray smiled up at him. "I'd like to take you to see the Old Country. Ma's been after me to go for years, and you'd love Rome, Benny. All those museums and opera houses."
It was true enough. Ben smiled and stroked Ray's cheek. "I'd love to travel through Italy with you, Ray, if that's what would make you happy."
"OK, we'll start making plans." But Ray still looked pensive.
From the other side of the wall came a thud and a muffled yelp. Gil, Ben thought. Then Fraser, hushing him. He couldn't help grinning, remembering the times when their own over enthusiastic lovemaking had catapulted one or the other of them out of the narrow bed they'd shared when they first became lovers.
"See, Benny? Don't you wish we'd met when we were eighteen?" Ray was smiling faintly now, half amused, half mournful.
Ben sighed and kissed him again. "It would have been wonderful, Ray. But if I had to choose, I'd rather have spent the last eighteen years with you, and the next eighteen, than for us to have met when we were so young. Fraser and Gil still have a lot of growing up to do. Perhaps they'll grow together, but perhaps they won't. If that happens, they're both going to go through a lot of pain."
"I guess." Ray sighed too, then seemed to drag himself out of his sombre mood. "So, whaddaya say, Benny? How about we give those kids a lesson in what real lovemaking's like?"
The idea held an undeniable appeal. Ben could feel a tiny bubble of laughter rising in his chest, and buried his face against Ray's shoulder. When he could control it, he raised his head to meet Ray's eyes. "So we should make some noise?"
"Lots of noise, Benny. Groans. Screams. You name it." He grinned wickedly and pulled Ben down on top of him.
Nothing loath, Ben began to nibble delicately on Ray's earlobe, interspersed with gentle sucking; both of which could be guaranteed to drive Ray crazy in the shortest possible time. He wasn't disappointed. Ray's body stretched sensually beneath his, and Ray's long agile fingers played up and down his spine sending shivers through him.
They'd made love a few times in the last week, each time with an urgency that Ben hadn't understood. Now it was gone, and he knew why. A part of him had known how worried Ray had been, and he suspected that Ray had been all too aware of his own uncertainties and fears. They really couldn't hide much from each other any more.
The lazy stroking continued as he began to move, rubbing himself along the length of Ray's body while continuing his explorations of Ray's throat. That was another bonus he'd become aware of. They both knew each other's bodies with incredible intimacy, not only from lovemaking, but also from the times when one or other of them had been hurt. All those bed baths had paid off. Ben grinned and began to chuckle helplessly.
"What?" Ray's voice demanded to be let in on the joke, so Ben told him. "Yeah… ya see, Benny? And you didn't want me to do it."
"I suspected an ulterior motive."
"Well, sure." Ray's tone of offended dignity set him off again. Ray's fingers, sliding between his buttocks sobered him fast.
Ben spread his legs wider, inviting further exploration. He could feel Ray's cock hardening rapidly against his own. He groaned, and the sounds from the next room, still registering in the back of his consciousness, stopped for a moment, then resumed.
"Oh, Benny…" Ray's voice was definitely louder than it really needed to be.
The sounds stopped again, and there was a stifled giggle. Ben grinned and then resolutely blocked out his awareness of them. It wouldn't do to get a case of performance anxiety. He lowered his head and kissed Ray thoroughly, then gave his earlobe a sharp little nip. Ray yelped.
After that, they were content just to pleasure each other, without a thought for their captive audience. Every touch, every kiss sent Ben's desire another notch higher, building to an intensity that left him breathless and aching, longing for the one thing that would satisfy him.
Ray sensed it, as Ben knew he would. They shifted, separating briefly. "How do you want to do this, Benny? You really oughta be lying flat."
"Flat is good." He smiled at Ray, lying alongside him, and rolled onto his back.
The covers were long since lost. All he had to do was draw his knees up to his chest; just not too far, or his back would remind him in no uncertain terms that he should be more careful. He waited for Ray to position himself, on all fours, hovering over him and slid his arms around Ray's neck drawing him down to kiss him.
All sense of urgency left him during that kiss; even when Ray's cock brushed lightly against his belly, he wanted only to prolong the moment indefinitely. Ray's tongue slid against his, warm and sensual. Ray's hands caressed him, a whisper of sensation against his skin. He moaned as Ray lowered himself and slid down his body, trailing kisses over his chest and belly as he went.
At the last moment Ray paused, and looked up at him. Ben reached down to touch his cheek and Ray smiled before lowering his head. There weren't words to describe the feeling of Ray's tongue against his cock. He moaned and shifted restlessly under the delicate assault on his senses. Between kisses and caresses, Ray was murmuring endearments and encouragement while his hands roamed over Ben's body.
Suddenly Ben reached down to capture them both, his fingers entwining with Ray's. They were gripped tightly and pressed flat against his belly, while Ray continued his lovemaking. Ray's increasingly agile tongue moved over his balls and the ache started again, more intense than ever. Ray's cheek brushed against the inside of his thigh and sent an electric charge straight to his groin.
Now, more than ever, he needed to be filled. He gasped out his lover's name and was ignored. Still holding his hands, Ray slid down even further and began a slow delicious probing of his ass. Ben's cock throbbed and he felt it echoed in the opening of his body. His cock leaked a virtual flood of pre-cum, which pooled stickily on his belly.
"Ray…" his voice came out pitched several notes deeper than normal. "Ray, please… I need…"
The desperation in his voice must have registered with Ray. He sat up suddenly, releasing his grip on Ben's hands and inspecting his lover intently. A little smile appeared on those sensual lips. "You want it bad, huh?"
"I want you bad, Ray." He managed to raise a faint smile.
Judging by the evidence in front of him, Ray was scarcely in better condition, yet none of it showed in his behaviour. He reached down between them and slid a finger inside Ben's anus, gently stroking the smooth inner walls. Ben gasped and bucked his hips even though Ray had got nowhere near his prostate. Ray grinned and removed his finger, then moved closer positioning himself to enter his lover.
The slow deliberation of Ray's approach was just about driving Ben crazy. He bit his lower lip to keep himself silent, knowing that Ray was probably a bit on the nervous side; it was the first time they'd made love like this since he'd been in hospital. He closed his eyes, unable to bear the wait. It seemed to be taking an eternity.
The first hint of pressure against his anus made Ben shudder uncontrollably. He blanked for a moment, vaguely aware of Ray's voice, but unable to understand the words. A couple of deep breaths helped him to regain a measure of control and he opened his eyes.
"Welcome back, Benny." Ray grinned. "OK now?"
He nodded, still not sure if he was able to find his voice. Ray moved and his cock slid smoothly inside. Now that he had what he wanted, Ben was able to relax a little. He smiled up at Ray, still sitting upright, framed by Ben's raised legs. With another little thrust, Ray moved deeper into him.
"God, Benny…" Now Ray was shaking, on the verge of losing control. He began to thrust fiercely, but pulled himself up after a moment, somewhat to Ben's regret. "You OK? I didn't hurt you?"
"I'm fine, Ray." Ben squirmed a little, trying to ease the strain on his thigh muscles without losing his connection with his lover.
His legs were firmly grasped and supported as Ray wrapped his arms around them, pulling them against his body. Ray began to massage the aching muscles gently and soon the threat of cramps evaporated. He began to thrust again with a driving rhythm that sent his cock rubbing back and forth against Ben's prostate at the height of each thrust.
It took very little of that before Ben was totally submerged in sensation. He rocked his hips in counterpoint with Ray's thrusts taking him still deeper. If his back was hurting, he wasn't aware of it. Wasn't aware of anything except the outrageous stimulation of his prostate and the delicious friction created by Ray's cock. He flung one arm wide, clutching at the bedding to gain that tiny extra bit of traction and began to pump his cock furiously with his free hand.
Ray cried out and froze, still buried deep inside Ben's body. He thought he could feel the contractions of Ray's cock, the extra heat of his ejaculation surging inside him. Then Ray sagged forward a little, allowing Ben's legs to slide down. He wrapped them tightly around Ray's waist and resumed the pumping of his cock, desperate now to find release.
It wasn't long in coming… Ray recovered enough to press even deeper inside him, his erection still nowhere near subsiding. Long fingers wrapped themselves around his hand and moved with him. Two, three firm strokes and then he inhaled sharply, and withdrew his hand from under Ray's, wanting his lover to finish it for him. The throbbing in his cock, the wild beating of his heart, the straining of his lungs all reached a crescendo, a point where they all perfectly coincided. He surrendered to the force of it, abandoning all control of his body.
In the deafening silence that followed Ben suddenly remembered their invisible audience. Oh dear. He suspected that he and Ray had just made a lot more noise than the boys had earlier. He began to laugh weakly. Ray slipped free of him and lay beside him, wriggling closer and wrapping his arms and legs tightly around him.
"What's so funny, love?" Ray grinned, ready to share the joke.
Ben managed to lift an arm and wave it in the direction of the adjoining bedroom wall, just a metre from the edge of their bed. "The boys…" he was still laughing breathlessly.
"Guess they got an earful, huh?" Ray kissed him lovingly on the cheek. "Well, about time they realised what a horny sex fiend they've got for a father."
"Me?" Ben stared at Ray indignantly. "It wasn't me who wanted to make a lot of noise."
"Yeah, well I didn't exactly notice you hanging back…" Ray began a lazy investigation of the hollow at the base of his throat and Ben sighed with pleasure, tilting his head accommodatingly. "I guess there'll be a couple of red faces at breakfast."
"I doubt it. Fraser's quite shameless. I don't know where he got that from." He contemplated his son's shortcomings gloomily.
Ray laughed softly. "Not Fraser. You, love. You and Gil."
"But not you." He didn't need Ray's grin, or the shake of his head to confirm his suspicions. "That's probably where Fraser learned it."
"Probably." Ray sank down beside him. A huge yawn and a cat-like stretch indicated his readiness for sleep.
In spite of his assertion earlier, Ben thought that he could probably sleep too, now. He needed to conserve his strength. After all, the boys would be going back to Chicago tomorrow evening, and he and Ray would be alone together again, for one more wonderful week. And somehow he doubted that afternoon naps were very high on Ray's agenda anymore.