Vigil: Full Circle


"Ray?"

Ray didn't look up. Soon after they'd returned from Ottawa, Fraser had started calling him Ray, claiming that daddy was too babyish for him to use anymore. Benny had said it was just a passing phase, and so he'd gone along with it. Ten years later Fraser was still calling him Ray, and he still hadn't got used to it.

"It's late, Fraser. Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"You aren't."

Ray put down the magazine that he hadn't really been reading anyway and sighed. "What is it, Fraser? Don't you have school tomorrow?"

The shadowy figure in the doorway stirred and moved forward into the light. He was as tall as his fathers now. Bigger than Ray, though he hadn't reached his full growth yet... Ray figured he'd gain another inch or two, and a few extra pounds before he'd finished. And now Ray knew what Benny must have looked like when he was a teenager, because Fraser was the spitting image of his lover. There was no doubting where his genes came from.

"Yeah, but my first class isn't till noon." Fraser looked at him uncertainly and bit his bottom lip. Sometimes he was so like Benny, it was scary.

Warning bells started going off. Since Fraser hit his teens there'd been a few rocky patches, but mostly they had a good relationship. It wasn't like him to be so unsure of himself. Ray spared a moment to wish Benny wasn't in Ottawa for a week. Not for the first time, but, up till now, it had been for purely selfish reasons.

"Is something wrong?" Ray patted the wide padded arm of the couch and Fraser ambled over, still a bit awkward since he'd suddenly put on another two inches of height about six months ago, and perched there.

"Well..." Fraser looked down at him, and suddenly blushed furiously. "I'm in trouble, Ray. Big trouble."

Ray repressed a grin. Fraser, like Benny, had little interest in alcohol, could hardly be convinced to take aspirin when he had a cold, worked hard enough at school to make any father happy, and for sure wasn't likely to do any law breaking... so that left one thing.

"Girl trouble?" And when Fraser hesitated... "Boy trouble?"

Not that it was likely, since Fraser had announced last year that he was straight. Benny sure hadn't taken that too well...

"Not exactly..." Fraser avoided his eyes.

His stomach was starting to do flip-flops. This was not a good sign. "You'd better tell, me, honey. What is it?"

Maybe it was the childhood endearment that Ray hadn't used in way too long, but Fraser's eyes suddenly filled with tears. "I've done something really stupid."

"Go on."

"I went to a... a call-girl."

Shit! Ray suddenly sat up straight. "Fraser, you took precautions didn't you?"

"Of course I did!" Fraser flushed. "God knows you and Dad have drummed it into me for long enough."

"Good." Ray relaxed a bit. Anything else could only be minor by comparison. "So what did you do? Besides... you know."

"Ray!" Fraser looked even more embarrassed. "The thing is... she knows I'm underage. I don't know how, but she told me I'd have to give her money or she'll tell the college. They'd throw me out, for sure... and then..."

"You gave her your name?" That wasn't what he'd meant to say. No doubt Benny would have given him a lecture on the evils of prostitution...

Fraser flinched slightly. "I said my name was Metcalfe. But I guess it wouldn't be hard to find out the truth."

"Fraser." Ray put a hand over his son's. "She won't tell anybody. It's a crime to have sex with a minor. You should know that."

"She said the college wouldn't tell the police. They'd throw me out and hush it up..." Fraser stared at him miserably.

She was probably right. In most cases. But Ray wasn't going to let her get away with it. She'd be sorry she picked on a cop's son to blackmail. Very sorry.

"I'll take care of it, Fraser. Just give me the details, OK?"

Fraser looked worried. "What are you going to do?"

"Give her the fright of her life." Ray grinned sardonically.

*


At least the apartment was in a relatively decent area, close to the campus. Close to her hunting ground, Ray suspected. This had all the hallmarks of a tried and true operation, and Ray wondered how many inexperienced boys like Fraser had been caught by this woman.

He had the money in his pocket, a mini recorder taped to his waist, and an absolute determination to teach her a lesson she'd never forget. If it wasn't for Fraser's involvement, he'd be wired properly and have a team of detectives as backup. But he didn't need them for what he was about to do.

The door opened to reveal a surprise. She didn't look much older than Fraser, though that could have been due to careful makeup and the dim lighting in the hallway. The lighting in the apartment wasn't much brighter.

"Luanne?"

"Yes... who are you?" She was looking at him doubtfully.

He pulled an envelope out of his pocket. "I've brought a message from Fraser."

She pulled him inside hurriedly. "Don't flash that around! Are you crazy?"

Ray moved past her into the apartment. "So this is where you live. Not bad. You must make quite a good living."

"It's all right. You can give me the money now."

"I don't think so." Ray turned around to look at her. "I'm sure you've got some kind of... evidence... to back up your story. In case the college board didn't believe you. I want it. Then you can have the money."

Luanne pouted sulkily. "There isn't any evidence. What do you think I am?"

"I think you're a two bit hooker who makes a living out of blackmailing underage college boys." Ray smiled threateningly. "And I don't believe you about the evidence. You won't get your money without handing it over."

"I told you, there isn't..." She stopped as he turned towards the door. "All right. I'll get it."

He waited impatiently for her to return. When she did, he took the photos from her and flipped through them quickly. "The negatives."

Luanne glared at him. "Oh, all right!"

He checked the negatives too, then drew the envelope out of his pocket. "Here. Ten thousand dollars. You'd better check it."

"I will." She threw him a spiteful look and quickly counted the money.

"All there?" He waited for her assent. "Good." It only took him a moment to unbutton his shirt and switch the recorder off. "Now you can give it back again. Unless you want to talk to the police about statutory rape and blackmail."

"You..." Luanne stared at him speechlessly.

Ray smiled. "Sorry, kid. You picked the wrong victim this time." He took the money out of her unresisting hand.

*


No doubt about it, he was feeling pretty pleased with himself. Four years of sitting behind a desk hadn't dulled his abilities one little bit... even if Luanne was hardly more than a kid herself. Ray felt like whistling as he let himself out of the main door of the apartment building. The Riv was parked, discreetly, further down the road, and he turned in that direction then stopped as his name was hissed from the bushes.

"Fraser, what are you doing here?" Ray turned towards the sound resignedly.

Fraser trailed out from behind a small tree. "I wanted to..." He looked embarrassed. "Did it go all right?"

"Yep." Ray grinned. "I've got the photos and she hasn't got a cent. Satisfied?"

"Photos?" Fraser looked appalled. "Have you, uh..."

"I had to make sure they were genuine. I didn't look at them properly." Ray shrugged. He wasn't exactly keen on seeing pictures of his little boy in bed with a woman. "Let that be a lesson to you."

"It will be... I mean it is!"

Fraser looked so forlorn that Ray lifted a hand to touch his cheek gently. "It's OK. We all do stupid things when we're young. You'll get over it."

"And do some more stupid things."

"Probably." Ray drew him into a hug.

It had been a long time since he'd done this. Teen-aged boys tended not to like being hugged by their fathers very much, he'd discovered. His own experience as a teen-ager had been more concerned with avoiding blows than hugs. Fraser sobbed once and wrapped his arms around Ray's chest.

"It's OK, bambino." Ray ruffled the dark hair slightly, and, when Fraser drew back, released him reluctantly.

Fraser grinned weakly at the baby name and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "Thanks, Ray. I love you."

"Hey, I'm your father aren't I? Nobody messes with my kid." He pulled Fraser around and laid an arm across his shoulders.

As they walked down the path, he felt Fraser relax into his embrace.

*


Next morning, Fraser was pretty subdued. By evening he was his normal self again. Ray smiled to himself... what it was to be young...

Which made the shock all the worse when he saw the photos on the front page of the newspaper, the following morning.

"High Ranking Cop in Secret Tryst with College Boy!" Underneath were photos of him and Fraser hugging, Fraser kissing him, and the two of them walking away with his arm around Fraser's shoulders. From the angle of the shots, there was only one person who could have taken those pictures... Luanne. Ray was still staring at them in disbelief when he heard Fraser in the hallway.

"I'll see you later, Ray."

"Fraser!" Ray pushed himself out of the kitchen chair. "Don't go out there!"

Fraser's puzzled face came around the door frame. "Why?"

Ray held up the newspaper for him to see. "There's bound to be reporters all over the place. You'd better stay inside."

Unexpectedly, Fraser began to giggle. "They think... you and me...?"

"It's not funny, Fraser. I'm up for promotion in a couple of months. This could ruin it." Ray scowled.

"But... all we have to do is tell them you're my father."

"Don't be so naive." Ray ran an impatient hand over his scalp. "Listen. People know about Benny and me, OK? Unofficially. That's fine, most of them don't give a damn anyway. But this... this makes it official."

Fraser looked chastened for a moment, then brightened. "We don't even have to mention Dad. He's out of town anyway. All we have to do is tell the press you're my father..."

"Yeah. And hope they don't ask any other questions." He knew how unlikely that was... but what choice did they have? "Look, I'll call the Precinct. I'll arrange a press conference. You..." He sighed. "...just stay inside, OK?"

*


It was all set up. Too late to back out now. Ray fidgeted, and looked at his watch for about the thousandth time. Even Fraser was starting to get nervous. It was finally sinking in that he was going to have to go out in public and answer whatever questions the Press might throw at him.

Ray grabbed him as he paced back and forth. "Listen. You just let me handle this, OK? Keep your mouth shut and don't answer any questions that aren't put to you directly. I'll field as many as I can. And think before you speak. You don't have to answer if you don't like the question."

Fraser nodded dumbly.

Duffy poked his head into the room. "Lou, it's time."

Ray took a deep breath. "OK. Thanks."

"No problem." Duffy grinned. "Break a leg, you two."

Ray flashed his sergeant a sour smile and walked out past him to the small dais. Flashes were going off, half blinding him. He found the chair, made sure there was one for Fraser, and they both sat. Immediately there was a babble of questions from the floor.

Ray lifted his hand and waited for silence. "I'll answer your questions in a minute, if you still have any. But first allow me to introduce my son, Fraser."

There was a stunned silence. Then a hand was raised by a reporter in the back row of chairs.

"You've got a question?"

"He's your son?" Her voice was extremely dubious.

Ray grinned. "My adopted son. It's a matter of record. If you'd all done your homework you could have avoided wasting my time and yours."

There was a subdued murmur and Ray crossed his fingers and hoped like hell they'd all just go away now.

"Lt Vecchio, you're not married, are you?" It was a man this time, third row, centre...

Ray swore under his breath and smiled. "No, I'm not."

Fraser shifted uneasily at his side. Ray glanced at him and frowned slightly.

There was another silence. "Well, if there's no more questions..." Ray started to push himself out of the chair.

The same man spoke up again. "So, are you gay?"

Ray froze. Long ago, he and Benny had decided to keep their relationship discreet. They'd also decided they wouldn't lie about it. It looked like one way or another, one of those resolutions was going to be broken today. And as badly as he didn't want to make their relationship public, he didn't think he could bear to deny Benny, especially not in front of their son.

There was a restless murmur from the assembled reporters as he hesitated.

"Perhaps I can answer that question?" The Canadian accent was very noticeable.

All the breath left Ray's lungs in a whoosh and he dropped back into the chair. Beside him, Fraser sat bolt upright.

"Dad?"

That was all it took. The room erupted again as Ben made his way to the front of the room, ignoring the fresh uproar and the flashing of cameras. Everybody's eyes were on him... tall, handsome, self-assured. Far removed from the naive backwoods boy who'd come to Chicago twenty years ago.

Ray watched him hungrily. God, he looked so good... black casual pants, white shirt and his old leather jacket. And those gold-rimmed glasses that made him look so distinguished... He couldn't have chosen a better outfit for this occasion if he'd tried. Belatedly, Ray stood as Ben stepped up onto the dais and hugged their son.

A moment later Ben's hands descended on his shoulders, and Ben's lips brushed his cheek lightly. "I just can't leave the two of you alone for a minute..."

Ben gave him an amused look, then he was turning away, reaching for a chair that someone was holding out to him. They sat, one on either side of Fraser, as a murmur went around the room. Well, that was hardly surprising... Benny and Fraser were like two peas in a pod. If it weren't for the age difference they could have been twins. But Ray knew the respite wouldn't last long.

He stood again. "Ladies and gentlemen, my partner, Benton Fraser." He couldn't think of anything else to say, so he dropped back into his chair, shaking slightly.

A voice rose above the renewed clamor... "Mr Fraser, are you the boy's real father?"

Ray saw Ben frown slightly. "I am Fraser's biological father. I don't think that makes me any more real."

God bless that Canadian literal-mindedness... A ripple of laughter ran around the room.

"What does his mother think of the two of you?" Ray didn't see who asked that question, but the tone was far from friendly. He glanced across at his lover.

"She died shortly after Fraser's birth." Ben hesitated, his forehead wrinkling slightly. "Ray is the only other parent Fraser has ever known. We raised him together... and I believe we did a good job of it."

"You did, Dad, both of you." Fraser's voice was quiet, but the microphone picked it up. Suddenly, the attention of the room shifted. Ray put a warning hand over Fraser's.

Half a dozen voices called Fraser's name and the boy looked around the room, suddenly confused.

Ray leaned towards the microphone. "Please. One at a time. You." He pointed to a young man.

"Fraser, how do you feel about being raised by gay parents?"

Fraser hesitated, and Ray saw that Ben was watching him too. Then Fraser smiled. "Well, I don't have anything to compare it with, really. But I know a lot of my friends from straight families think I'm lucky to have both my parents still living together."

Ray grinned. Not a bad start... but more questions were being thrown at Fraser, and it was no time to be complacent. Mostly, they were predictable enough and there was a general air of goodwill in the room. A lot of them were probably just hoping for something they could use instead of the scandal they'd expected. When the questions started becoming repetitive, Ray brought the session to a close.

*


Fraser was very quiet in the back seat and Ray, after a quick glance over at him had retreated into an equally uncharacteristic silence. Ben stifled the impulse to ask questions. Since the moment he'd received a call from the Consulate to get back to Chicago immediately, he'd wondered what on earth had happened to give rise to this situation. Then the press conference had taken all his attention. Now, it seemed, neither Ray nor Fraser wanted to talk.

Well, that suited Ben. Now that it was all over, he was aware of how badly he'd been missing Ray. It was always like this, after they'd been apart. While they were separated, he was able to concentrate on the task at hand, whatever it was. But once they were back together again, he could think of nothing else.

The silence continued while they rode up in the elevator to their apartment. Just inside the door Ray paused.

"Get changed, and then you'd better get off to class." He pulled his wallet out and handed Fraser a fifty dollar note. "Get a meal somewhere, go see a movie. Benny and I got things we need to talk about."

A grin split Fraser's face. "Yeah, right. Talk." He disappeared down the hallway.

"That boy has no respect for his elders. I blame you, Ray." Ben smiled at his lover.

A faint smile hovered around Ray's mouth. "So how you gonna punish me, Benny?" His voice was husky.

Ben tilted his head unconsciously, considering a suitable punishment, but Ray didn't wait. His glasses were carefully removed and set on the hall table, then a hand grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him closer, and a hot tongue invaded his mouth. He hardly noticed Fraser going past them, or the door closing behind his son.

Ray did, though. He started backing them both towards their bedroom, his hands busy with Ben's shirt buttons. Ben co-operated by shrugging off his leather jacket and allowing it to fall to the floor. He didn't even retain enough presence of mind to make a mental note to tidy up later. Besides, his own hands were far too busy with Ray's shirt, and he didn't seem to be able to do that and think at the same time.

Ray's tie came loose in his hands, though Ben wasn't sure what he'd done to achieve that, and he tossed it aside. Ray's shirt was open to the waist, his olive skin beckoning enticingly. A soft moan echoed over his head as Ben smothered a nut brown nipple with a warm wet kiss. Ben's hands moved southwards over intimately familiar terrain as Ray pressed his head closer against the warm skin, redolent with Armani cologne and the familiar musk of Ray's arousal.

He could hear himself moaning softly now, and Ray's voice chanting his name over and over... he found Ray's belt buckle by instinct and deal with it hurriedly, close now to his objective. Oh, yes... his fingers traveled endlessly along the hard, velvet surface, caressed the slick smoothness at the tip, closed around the thickness of it and began to pump urgently.

"Oh, God, Benny!"

Ray's cry startled him back to awareness... and to the sight of Ray, his shirt hanging open, his pants down around his ankles, and about as excited as a man could ever hope to be. Ben drew in a shuddering breath and swallowed, his mouth dry as the Sahara.

"Get on the bed, Ray."

Ray blinked at him dazedly and obeyed. Pausing only to drag his own pants down and step out of them... his shoes were nowhere to be seen... Ben climbed onto the bed, onto Ray, and entered him with an ease that came from years of practice. A shaken gasp in his ear, and then Ray was moving against him, a slow sensuous impalement. A stray thought flittered across his conscious mind. In this act, theoretically, he was the one taking, Ray the one being taken, but Ray's movements made a mockery of that. Ray was the one who was possessing him, not the other way around.

"Ray..." His voice was no more than a ragged whisper.

Ray's arms came around him, one hand sliding down over his spine, stroking his buttock lightly, the other resting in the centre of his back, pressing him closer. His hips began to move slowly, in counterpoint to Ray's thrusts... so exquisite a sensation that he wanted it to last forever. Beneath him Ray was silent, his eyes serious, his mouth soft and sensuous.

He was aching, his whole body felt strange in its need, and Ray... Ray was heat and light... burning... a creature of fire, igniting the latent passion in him as only Ray could. It blazed through his veins, exploded in his brain. It poured out of every opening in his body... He plunged mindlessly into the depths of his lover finding only greater heat in the darkness there. His essence erupted out of his cock to join with Ray's molten core.

*


Ray was absolutely still beneath him, and Ben forced himself to move. He rolled onto his side and looked at his lover. Dear God, he was beautiful, even with those amazing green eyes closed. Even asleep, his innate sensuality enveloped him with an almost visible aura. In seventeen, almost eighteen, years the wonder that Ben felt at this sight had grown rather than waned.

The dark lashes flickered and Ben smiled slightly. He began to explore the dramatic contours of his lover's face with his lips, centimetre, by delicious centimetre. Ray lay unmoving and his breathing didn't change, but Ben wasn't fooled for a moment. Ray was awake and enjoying every moment, every touch. Ben's fingers stroked the smooth skin of Ray's shoulder and strayed down over his chest.

Eventually, Ray sighed and Ben moved back a little. Their eyes met and they smiled.

"Welcome back, Benny."

Ben kissed him softly on the mouth. "I missed you, Ray."

The corners of Ray's eyes crinkled as he grinned. "I noticed."

They moved together again, exchanging slow sweet kisses and touching each other lightly, as if they were learning each other's bodies all over again.

"So, how did you get on in Ottawa?"

It wasn't exactly the opening Ben had been expecting, but he was content to talk about his trip as they continued their fondling. Ray would talk about the predicament he and Fraser had got themselves into when he was ready.

Somehow, as always, his lips had gravitated back to Ray's nipples, and Ray sighed, and stretched, and held him against his chest, one-handed, while he stroked Ben's back. Ben gave the taut nipple one last, lingering suck and looked up into his lover's face.

"What happened, Ray?" He settled his head down on Ray's shoulder and toyed idly with the fine strands of his chest hair.

There was a brief hesitation. "You're going to go nuts when you hear this."

"I'll try not to." Ben kissed the fragile arch of Ray's collar bone.

Ray sighed. "Fraser got himself involved with a call girl."

Ben stiffened suddenly, and pushed himself up on one elbow, staring at Ray in horror. "He what?!"

Ray didn't answer him, just reached up to touch his face.

"How could he? How could he do such a thing? After all we've tried to teach him..."

"Lighten up Benny. It's not such a big deal." Ray pulled him down again. "Lots of American boys lose their virginity to a hooker."

"Lose their..." Ben shivered slightly. "Dear God..."

Ray's arms tightened around him. "I know. It seems like only yesterday he was a baby, and now... Well, a part of me feels like you do, OK? But it's done now."

"Oh, Ray... That isn't how I wanted it to be for him."

"Well, it was never up to us, Benny." He could hear the amusement in Ray's voice.

He sighed. "No, I suppose not."

Ray's hand began its stroking again, up and down his spine, as Ben tried to put this news into perspective.

"I don't see how this relates... to the newspaper article. What's been going on, Ray?"

"Oh it relates all right." Ray sounded amused and exasperated. "The call-girl was running a sideline in blackmail. She threatened to go to the college authorities and tell them that one of their underage students was having sex with her. She wanted ten thousand to keep quiet."

"You didn't pay her, did you Ray?" This was getting more incredible by the moment.

Ray laughed. "What, and lose all our holiday savings? No way. I got her on tape accepting blackmail money. I thought that was the end of it."

"What went wrong?"

"Fraser." Ray squeezed him slightly. "That son of yours..."

Ben lifted his head to stare indignantly at Ray. "Oh? So now he's my son?"

"Yeah. When he acts like you, he is." Ray grinned unrepentantly at him. "He was waiting for me outside her apartment building. She must have seen us... I'm sure she took the photos. I guess she sold them to the newspapers. Vindictive little bitch."

There was nothing he could think of to say. Ben lay still in Ray's arms, trying to come to terms with the thought of his son, with a prostitute. His seventeen year old son. How could this have happened? The silence lengthened.

"Benny." Ray's voice was gentle. "Don't make such a big deal of it. Fraser's old enough to start making his own mistakes. We can't protect him forever."

It wasn't a very comforting thought, even though Ben knew that Ray was right. He nuzzled Ray's shoulder distractedly, seeking reassurance... consolation... he wasn't sure what. When Ray rolled him onto his back and began to kiss him gently, he accepted it without protest.

Of course, that wasn't where it ended. The last five days now seemed like an eternity to have been parted from Ray, and if it took longer for them to recover now, between bouts of lovemaking... well that just left them with more time to kiss, and touch, and give each other more subtle pleasures. This time it was Ray who wanted to reacquaint himself with his lover's body, and Ben luxuriated under his skilled hands and mouth, sighing and moaning and shifting restlessly as the pleasure built.

"Benny..." It was a breathless little moan, not a word.

Ben smiled into his lover's heavy lidded gaze and stretched his arms over his head, arching his body sensuously. With another soft moan, Ray lowered his head to bathe Ben's cock with soft, slick caresses of his tongue. His body moved with Ray's touch, no less wonderful for being so intimately familiar. There was no doubt about their arousal now, but still there was plenty of time... one of the advantages of maturity. When Ray glanced up at him, Ben smiled invitingly and drew his tongue across his lower lip. Ray groaned.

"Come here, Ray."

He was obeyed immediately. Ray practically crawled up his body until he was straddling Ben's chest. With a provocative little moue, Ben reached for him, grasped him firmly by the hips and drew him closer still. His fingers slowly massaged the wiry thighs, his thumbs caressing the moist crease where they met Ray's groin. The darkly flushed cock trembled and lifted eagerly.

Closer still, and he could feel the heat of it as he brushed his cheek lightly against its velvet surface. They both moaned, this time, and Ben turned his head slightly and inhaled, scenting his lover's arousal for a moment before guiding the gleaming tip to his mouth.

Ray tilted forward, his body arching over Ben's head, as he leaned against the wall. The angle was perfect, now, for him to slide deeply into Ben's mouth. For a moment, Ben was blinded, aware only of the heat of Ray's body in the air between them, the turgid presence in his mouth and the soft, satisfied sounds they were both making. Then he opened his eyes.

It could overwhelm him, if he let it... Ben clenched his fists in the sheets and feasted his eyes on the smooth flexing of Ray's abdominal muscles as he slid his cock back and forth, along Ben's welcoming tongue. He'd put on not one ounce of weight in all the time that Ben had been his lover. If it wasn't for the strands of grey sparkling amongst his pubic hair, Ben could have imagined himself in bed with the quick tempered and passionate young man that Ray had been then. And still was, on occasion.

The thought amused and steadied him, and Ben brought his hands up to slide along the bunching thigh muscles to lie flat against the slim buttocks, feeling the movement under the fine skin. The touch turned to a caress, and this time, as Ray eased back, he let the cock slide free of his mouth and turned to lick it, root to tip and back again. There was only one thing that would truly satisfy him right now, and he didn't need to tell Ray what that was.

With a heavy, sensuous smile, Ray slid down his body again, parting Ben's thighs and crouching between them. It was so easy. With swift, practiced movements, Ray lifted his legs and laid them over his shoulders, leaning into Ben's body until it was curled back on itself. Ben felt the insistent nudging of Ray's cock against his anus and then with a fluid motion, Ray entered him.

Even now, they could have drawn this out, made it last... but Ben no longer wanted to. He wanted to be possessed, if not by Ray, then by his own passion. With a shudder, he pushed himself more deeply onto Ray's cock and felt the tremor in response. Ray leaned into him still further and, reaching down between their bodies, began to pump Ben's aching cock in time with his thrusts. Already, they were both gasping for breath, hunting for release however they could get it. It took just one fleeting brush of Ray's cock against his prostate and he was soaring, carrying Ray with him.

*


Fraser watched his fathers warily. They seemed relaxed enough over breakfast. Well, actually, they looked like they'd spent the whole night making love. Dad was still a bit bleary eyed, his normally rigorously controlled hair was disheveled, and Fraser was sure he could see a hickey at the base of his throat, where a shirt collar might cover it, but a loose velour robe didn't, quite. And Ray... Ray was lounging in his chair, silk robe clinging to his body, with a satisfied look on his face. He thought they were probably holding hands under the table.

That certainly didn't mean that they'd forgotten about him, though. He was pretty sure they would have thoroughly discussed the whole mess and decided what to do about it. Fraser wasn't looking forward to the outcome.

For a moment he almost resented their happiness. It still had the power to embarrass him, that his parents were still so obviously in love. At their age... He squirmed in his chair a little as they exchanged a loving look. He knew how lucky he was, as he'd told the reporters yesterday, and in the last few years, they'd allowed him to see some of the passion, as well as the love he'd always recognised between them. It was just that he couldn't quite imagine them actually doing it...

He realised he was blushing and that Ray was grinning at him. Fraser pouted. "I suppose you're gonna ground me for the next twenty years or something."

Dad sighed. "That would be rather pointless, don't you think?"

"Well, yes, but..."

Ray leaned forward over the table. "We figure if we want you to be responsible, we'd better give you some responsibility. After all, you're gonna be eighteen in a couple of weeks."

He didn't know whether that was good or bad. He looked at each of his fathers in turn and still wasn't sure. "So what are you gonna do?"

They exchanged a long look, and Fraser realised, suddenly, that Dad wasn't at all happy with the decision they'd reached. Which meant that it was probably better than he'd expected.

"Ray?"

Ray grinned at the hopeful note in his voice. "We decided that next semester, you oughta go live in a dorm. Be more independent."

"We'll give you a larger allowance, of course, but you'll have to learn to live within your means." Dad was looking stern

Fraser grinned, hardly able to believe his ears. "You mean no more call girls."

"Fraser!" Dad tried to look disapproving, but Ray was laughing, and he gave up. "Definitely no more call girls."

*


The late afternoon sun warmed him, and lay in decorative stripes across the pale chest beside him. Ray stretched luxuriously and smiled. They were supposed to be in Whitehorse by now, but the weather report had indicated a major storm in the area and no planes were going in or out over the next few days. So they'd come back home from the airport and spent the afternoon in bed.

The college semester had only started a couple of weeks ago and Ray was still getting used to having Ben all to himself. He missed Fraser incredibly, even though he was only a half hour drive away, but still it was nice to be living alone with his lover, for the first time ever. Benny hadn't changed much in all those years. He was still outrageously good looking, still had a full head of hair, which had only started to go grey at the temples in the last couple of years. And on him, even that looked good. Ray ran his hand over his own sparsely populated head and grinned ruefully.

Beside him Ben stirred slightly, his long legs sprawling under the thin sheet. Now, there was an inspiring sight... He decided his lover had slept long enough, and leaned over to nibble gently on an earlobe.

There was a long-suffering sigh beside his own ear. "You don't want sex again..."

"Not sex, Benny..." He stroked the smooth chest lightly, teasingly. "I wanna make love to you."

He raised his head enough to see the twinkle in those pretty blue eyes. "Well, that's all right then."

"Good."

The amenities disposed of, Ray began a serious investigation of his lover's face and throat while Ben lay still, making quietly encouraging noises. His fingers strayed over Ben's chest, teasing at his nipples, dipping lower then returning, sliding down again to trace lazy circles around his navel. A faint tremor flickered under the skin at that touch and Ray grinned wickedly. Benny wasn't ticklish. Oh, no... he was just sensitive...

The body under his hand was moving restlessly now and Ray pressed against a sturdy thigh and wrapped his own leg around it, letting Ben feel his arousal. Ben moaned softly, his hand drifting down Ray's back to press him closer. Their eyes met for a moment and they smiled. Ben reached up with his free hand and drew Ray down into a long kiss.

Playtime was almost over... Ray slid his hand under the sheet that still, barely, covered them and began to stroke Ben's thickening cock. A moan was muffled against his mouth. Ray wanted to hear those soft deep moans, so he drew back and began to kiss the broad chest while his lazy stroking continued. His tongue flickered over a taut nipple and Ben gasped.

Ben's hips were moving in time to Ray's slow stroking, lifting against his hand. Ray tightened his grip around Ben's thigh and began to thrust lazily. He sucked delicately on Ben's nipple and heard renewed moans from above his head. Ray's lips traveled across Ben's chest to his other nipple and licked it with a slow sensuous caress.

"...and this is the main..."

Ray froze at the sound of Fraser's voice. Beside him, Ben's head shot up, a look of shock on his face and Ray twisted around to see Fraser standing in the doorway with another boy, his face beet red with embarrassment, his jaw hanging open.

"Fraser, what are you doing here?" Ben's voice was resigned.

Fraser shuffled slightly, his eyes focusing on the wall behind them. "Uh, I was... aren't you supposed to be in Whitehorse this weekend?"

Ray surreptitiously hitched the sheet a little higher before he turned over to face his son. "Whitehorse was snowed in, so we came back. What were you planning? A party?"

"No!" Fraser seemed quite indignant. "It's just... Gil needs somewhere to stay, and I thought, while you were away..."

The other boy, Gil presumably, was staring down at his feet, and Ray's eyes narrowed. "Why don't you go make some coffee? We'll be out in a minute."

The two boys retreated hastily and Ray dropped onto his back with a loud sigh as the door closed behind them. He turned his head to look at Ben, who was staring up at the ceiling with a troubled frown on his face.

Ben looked at him. "I don't know what's got into him lately, Ray. It seems like he's always getting into trouble."

"Ah, he's just a kid trying to be a grown up." Ray hesitated, not sure whether he should go on, but, as usual, Ben sensed it.

"What, Ray?"

"You didn't see?" Ray shrugged. "I guess you wouldn't without your glasses. They were holding hands."

"They were what?" Ben pushed himself onto his elbow. "Ray, they can't have been..."

"Why? Just because Fraser said he was straight? He's a kid. Besides, we were straight once, remember?" Ray grinned at him affectionately.

"Just barely." Ben was still frowning.

"Well, you weren't too happy about him being straight. Now you don't want him to be gay?" Ray kissed him lightly on the mouth. "You'd better make up your mind."

Ben returned the kiss absent-mindedly. "It's not that, Ray. He just seems to be... well, first there was the call girl, now this..."

"He's only eighteen, Benny. Cut him some slack." Ray stretched and swung his legs over then edge of the bed. "I'm gonna go have a shower."

It was an incredible relief to simply stand under the hot water and forget about everything. He turned the pressure up high and let the water pummel his back for a while. Then the glass door slid back and Ben was with him. The lazy mood of earlier was gone. Ben's mouth descended on his, devouring him. Ray pulled him closer and returned the kiss hungrily.

Their hips ground together and Ray was pressed firmly back against the shower wall. He reached for Ben's butt and hauled it a bit closer, grinning against his lover's lips. After the slow burning pleasure of the afternoon, this was almost intolerably exciting. A couple of quick, hard thrusts and it was over. Ray sagged happily against the wall.

A long, lingering kiss, and Ben turned away. He was back a moment later and Ray relaxed as he was soaped and rinsed with a loving thoroughness. He pulled Ben into his arms and held him, enjoying the feel of his body, slippery with water, and the heavy swell of his depleted cock. They stood together until the water began to cool slightly.

"Don't worry, Benny. It'll be OK. He's just... finding his way. If you think about it, it's hardly surprising... if any kid should know he's got a choice, it oughta be Fraser." He kissed his lover's neck, licking away a few beads of water. "He's eighteen and he's in love for the first time. Let him enjoy it."

Ben sighed. "I suppose you're right. We'd better go talk to them."

Ray leaned against the wall and watched as Ben left the shower stall. When the water was barely more than warm against his skin, he turned the faucet off and followed him. Ben was sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing nothing but his glasses and a frown. A tiny smile creased the corners of Ray's mouth. He went over and ruffled the damp, curly hair.

"Come on. The coffee'll be ruined." Ray grinned at him and at last Ben smiled back.

*


The two boys were waiting for them in the kitchen, looking very nervous. Ray flashed them a grin carefully calculated not to make them feel any better. He took one sip of the coffee and poured the whole pot down the sink. Then he set about making a fresh pot.

When he was done they all sat around the table. Gil seemed like a nice enough kid, Ray thought. Quiet. Polite. The kind of things Benny always appreciated. They were trying not to look at each other and not succeeding. He wondered just what was going on between them and why Fraser had brought him here. His first suspicion, that it was for some kind of illicit party, he'd already abandoned. That wasn't Fraser's style. Bringing a new boyfriend home for a weekend alone, though... he might do that.

Ben had been talking quietly with Gil and now he smiled reassuringly at the pair. "Fraser. Would you like to explain your presence here?"

The two boys exchanged an apprehensive glance. "Dad... I told you. Gil needed somewhere to stay for a couple of days."

There hadn't been any luggage in the hallway. Ray frowned at them. But he'd never known Fraser to lie... He looked at Gil who flushed and stared down at the table.

Benny hadn't missed that, of course. "Gil?"

Gil looked up uncertainly. "I haven't got anywhere to live. Fraser said..." He stopped, biting his lip, and Fraser suddenly put an arm around his shoulders.

"He told his parents he was gay, and they kicked him out. So I said he could stay here for a few days." Fraser stared at them defiantly.

Ray looked at Ben and got a brief nod in reply. "Sure he can. Have you got any things... clothes?"

"He can borrow mine." Fraser hadn't relaxed at all. "He can use my room. We won't be any trouble."

So. Ray heard Ben's sharp intake of breath. He sighed. "I guess that means you won't be sleeping at the dorm?"

Fraser shook his head silently. Two pairs of eyes, one blue, one brown, stared at them anxiously. Ray tried to imagine himself at Fraser's age telling his parents he was bringing a boyfriend home to live with them. He hadn't handled it this well when he was thirty five...

"Look, we'll go see your parents tomorrow. Maybe they'll have calmed down by then. If not, we can get your clothes and books... whatever stuff you need. OK?"

"I don't want to go back there. I'll get new clothes." Gil's voice was trembling.

Fraser shifted closer against him. "Ray's right. You haven't got any money. They have to give you your clothes... don't they, Dad?"

"They don't have to, unless you bought them yourself, with your own earnings. But it would be unreasonable for them to refuse." Ben leaned across the table and touched Gil's arm lightly. "I'm sure they'll agree. Ray's right, you know. They'll probably come around in a few days."

Fraser grinned. "Yeah, and if they don't, maybe we can make them give you an allowance or something. It's probably not even legal for them to make you leave."

Ray felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. "What do you mean, Fraser?" He looked from one young face to the other. "How old are you Gil?"

Gil blinked at the harshness of his voice. "I'm almost eighteen." His voice was defensive.

Shit! Ray was suddenly cold. He could feel Ben tensing up beside him. "Did you tell your parents about Fraser? What did you tell them?"

It was Fraser who answered. "We didn't get a chance to tell them anything. They were shouting and going crazy, then they told us to get out."

"Thank God for that." He exchanged a long look with Ben and saw the same relief in his lover's eyes. "OK. This is what you'll do. Gil can sleep in the guest room. Fraser..." He ran his hand over his head. "I don't suppose you'll go back to the dorm? No. That figures. You sleep in your room, and you don't, either of you, do or say anything in front of anybody that lets them know you're sleeping together. Including us. Understand?"

The two of them were staring at him as though he was crazy. "No, I don't understand. I didn't think you'd want us to lie about being gay."

"It's not about..." The tension inside him reached breaking point. Ray flung himself out of his chair and over to the kitchen counter. "Tell them, Benny."

"It's the law, Fraser." Ben's voice seemed calm enough, but Ray could hear the worry in it. "You are eighteen and therefore, legally, an adult. Gil is under eighteen and therefore, legally, a minor."

Ray turned. "Ever hear of statutory rape, Fraser? You could go to prison for a year, eighteen months... and you wouldn't like what they do to kids like you in prison."

"But that's crazy! It's the twenty first century, for God's sake!" Fraser stared at him open mouthed.

He laughed bitterly. "What? You think the minute the clock ticked over to the year two thousand, every redneck in the country said 'oh, I better stop hating gays because it's the twenty first fucking century?' Grow up, Fraser!"

He got a glare in response. "You're over-reacting, Ray."

He knew the signs. Fraser was getting stubborn. Fraser wasn't going to listen to a word he'd say. Ray slammed his hands down on the table, making them all flinch. "Don't call me that! I'm your father. It's not respectful."

Dammit, he was over-reacting, but he couldn't stop himself. "I'm going outside."

He stalked out of the kitchen, still shaking inside, with no idea where he was going. The lounge offered no inspiration, and he headed for the apartment door.

*


There was a stunned silence in the kitchen. Ben couldn't remember the last time Ray had been so worked up over anything. The two boys looked shell shocked.

Now was the time to reinforce what Ray had said, even though his first instinct was to go after Ray. "He's right, Fraser. If Gil's parents laid a complaint with the police, it would be investigated. And if there was sufficient evidence, you would be convicted."

Fraser shook his head helplessly. "It doesn't make any sense. I'm only a few weeks older than Gil."

"Perhaps not. But it is the law, and it does happen. Ray knows that better than any of us." Ben hesitated. "Gil, you're most welcome to stay with us, but I would ask that you follow Ray's instructions."

Gil started, his eyes wide. "Ye... yes sir. I will."

"Good. I'm going to go find Ray." He looked at his watch. "Perhaps you could order some takeout food. I'll be back shortly."

It wasn't hard to find Ray. Ben knew he wouldn't stay in the apartment, and it was dark outside, and cold. Ray wouldn't go far before he was half frozen. Ben grabbed a coat from the closet and headed for the elevator. It was raining outside, a fine, chilly, misting rain, but he wasn't surprised to find Ray wandering around the small garden at the side of the apartment building.

"Here, put this on." Ray was already shivering. Ben wrapped the coat around him without bothering to get his arms into the sleeves and then just held him. It didn't take long for the shivering to stop. "What happened, Ray?"

Ray moved restlessly, but didn't try to pull free. "I lost it."

"You most certainly did." Ben smiled slightly, remembering the two boys' frozen stare as Ray left the kitchen. "Why?"

"God... you heard him Benny. He doesn't have a clue..." Ray's voice was rising again and Ben tightened his grip.

"Steady, Ray." He kissed the cold cheek soothingly.

Ray pressed his face into Ben's shoulder and gave a smothered groan. "He's gonna get himself killed, doing something stupid. He just doesn't know how dangerous it can be for gay kids. He's always had us to protect him. He's grown up with other gay families. He thinks the whole world's like that." He shuddered. "I've already lost one child... I can't go through that again. I'd rather die myself before I go through that..."

He could hear Ray weeping quietly, as he'd done in the months after Caroline's death. And as he had then, Ben felt a mixture of pain and guilt, because he'd never really allowed Ray's daughter into his life, until it was too late. There was nothing he could say... nothing he'd ever been able to say to ease that pain, for himself or for Ray, and he said nothing now.

After a minute or two, Ray drew back, wiping his face with the back of his hand. "Geez, I'm sorry, Benny. I guess I screwed up, huh? He's never gonna listen to me now."

"On the contrary, Ray. I think you got his attention rather effectively." Ben smiled and kissed his lover on the mouth. "But I think you'd better let me talk to them now."

"OK." Ray grinned at him shakily.

*


When they came back into the apartment, there was no sign of Fraser or Gil. Ben steered Ray towards their bedroom to change out of his damp clothes and then knocked lightly on the door of Fraser's room. He opened the door without waiting for a response and then regretted it immediately. He'd have to stop doing that, he thought, as the two boys sprang apart guiltily. At least they hadn't been on the bed.

"Is Ray all right?"

Ben smiled slightly at Fraser's concern. It was one of his most endearing qualities that he loved his parents and wasn't afraid to show it. "He's fine. Just a bit damp. I wanted to talk to you both. Sit down."

They perched on the edge of Fraser's bed, holding hands tightly and stared at him.

Ben leaned back against the wall, folding his arms across his chest. "Ray was right to be worried, Fraser. You have to understand that the world isn't always kind to people who are different from the norm. As Gil has found out today."

"Yeah, but..." Fraser's voice trailed into silence as Ben held up a hand.

"I'm not saying that Ray wasn't a little... over anxious. He recognises that himself. But he has good reason to be sensitive on that subject." It was hard to talk about this. Even now, the memories came flooding back with painful clarity and he could hardly bear to start. "I don't suppose you remember meeting your grandmother for the first time?"

Fraser frowned. "Granma? No. I was just a baby... wasn't I?"

"You were four and a half years old." Ben sighed. "Ray was the one who found you, and brought you to me... I've told you about that. That was when we became lovers. You were only a few weeks old. Ray decided to come and live with us, even though he knew his family wouldn't like it. But it was worse than that. His mother told him to choose between us and his family. He chose us."

"Granma wouldn't do that! She wouldn't!" When he didn't respond Fraser stared at him pleadingly. "Dad?"

"I'm afraid she did, son. It nearly broke Ray's heart." He saw how upset Fraser was, and smiled reassuringly. "She was only doing what she thought was right. It nearly broke her heart too, though it took me a long time to realise it, or to forgive her for it. But Ray didn't see her again for over four years."

Fraser looked from him to Gil and back again and Gil released his hand, sliding his arm around Fraser's waist. Fraser leaned against him, his eyes bright with tears.

"It was... difficult for Ray, and I wasn't much help. I didn't understand what he was going through, how much he needed us to be a family for him. When I did, I asked him to adopt you. There were people... some of them friends... who didn't think two gay men should be allowed to bring up a child. Luckily, you were entitled to Canadian citizenship, and I had the resources of the Consulate to help me. It could have been very different."

Ben paused to let that fact sink in, and to gather the courage to continue. Even now, the memories still had the power to wound him, and he was glad that Ray wasn't present to hear this.

"Soon after Ray adopted you, we were visiting a local park. It was a hot day... you were about five months old. Just as we were leaving a group of youths began following us. We tried to avoid them, but they'd spread out around us." He took a deep breath, remembering his fear, first for Fraser, then, later, for Ray. "There was a tunnel, and we'd hoped to get through it, so they couldn't come at us from the side, but there wasn't enough time. They were right on our heels. Ray stayed behind to hold them off while I escaped with you."

"What happened?" Fraser's eyes were enormous. So were Gil's.

"Ray was badly beaten. Four times that night he nearly died, and then there was the possibility of brain damage... he didn't wake for three days. It took months for him to recover his strength, and he couldn't remember the attack at all. I was the one who had nightmares... then he started having them too, though he never really got the memories back. Which was probably just as well." He shivered suddenly and realised that the boys were staring at him in shock. "The youths who were responsible for the attack were about your age. They'd seen us kiss, and decided that they ought to teach us a lesson. It's not a lesson either of us is ever likely to forget."

He watched as they digested his story, glad that at least he'd made them think, and felt suddenly exhausted. The doorbell rang, and Ray called out that he'd answer it. All of it seemed a little unreal. What felt real was the hospital room Ray had stayed in, and the hospital smells that came back to him with startling clarity whenever he thought of that time.

Ray's head popped around the door frame. "The food's here. You gonna eat it?"

"We'll be out in a minute, Ray." He waited till Ray had gone and then straightened. "Think about it. Things have changed, but not so much you can be complacent."

*


"They'll be out in a moment."

Ray finished setting out the last of the Chinese food and looked at his lover with some concern. Benny looked absolutely drained. "Are you all right?"

He got a tired smile for an answer and Ben came over and wrapped his arms around him.

"Kiss me." Ben's voice was a faint murmur in his ear.

It wasn't the kind of request he was ever likely to refuse, but the response that he got was worrying. It wasn't like Benny to be so... intense. At least not outside of the bedroom. But Benny was kissing him the way a drowning man might suck in oxygen. When they parted, he brushed back a stray tendril of hair and examined his lover's face. He looked a little better now, so Ray allowed himself to be drawn into another long kiss.

The sound of a throat clearing from the doorway barely ruffled his composure. He turned his head to see the boys watching them gravely. They both looked pretty weird too. It was starting to add up in his mind, what might have been happening in Fraser's room, and he felt shaky all of a sudden.

"How about we eat in the lounge? I'll get a couple of trays." He covered his uneasiness with a bit of bustling around and followed the boys into the lounge with Ben at his heels.

The meal was a silent one. Even the boys weren't very talkative, and Ray found himself watching Gil surreptitiously. He couldn't help identifying with the boy, knowing all too well what it was like to lose his entire family in just a few minutes. The third or fourth time, Gil caught him staring and they shared a look of mutual understanding. It looked like Benny had told them that, too.

When he'd eaten enough, he leaned back into the depths of the couch and into Ben's embrace. A hand began to caress his upper arm gently. Fraser and Gil rearranged themselves slightly on the floor and stared up at them. It seemed like nobody wanted to be the one to break the silence.

Might as well be him, he supposed. "So, Benny's told you a few things."

"Yeah." Fraser swallowed nervously. "I'm sorry. I should have listened to you. I should have trusted you."

"And I shouldn't have flown off the handle like that." Ray grinned. "I guess that makes us even."

His son smiled suddenly. A brilliant, beautiful smile that was too young and carefree for Ray ever to have seen on Benny's face. He wondered if Benny ever had smiled like that.

"I worry about you, OK? It's what fathers are supposed to do. You need to know things, especially now."

Fraser nodded seriously. "Like what?"

"Well, like..." He thought about it for a minute. "Like what states still have twenty one as the age of consent. If you're gonna travel around you need to know that stuff. Did you even know that some states are trying to recriminalise homosexuality? It might happen."

"Really?" Gil sat up suddenly. "But I thought... well, wouldn't it be unconstitutional? Like with the marriage laws? I mean, you can get married, right? And the other states have to recognise it."

"Probably, but that doesn't mean they won't try. And it could take years to overthrow it in the Supreme Court. God knows it took long enough to get the Defence of Marriage Act thrown out. And gays can still only get married in Hawaii and Alaska." He felt Ben tense a little beside him.

"Is that why you never..." Fraser's voice trailed off uncertainly, recognising, no doubt, a sensitive subject.

"Fraser..." Ben's voice was quiet. "We decided long ago, when you were very young, that we would only marry when it was legal in our own state."

Ray heard the sadness in his lover's voice and reached up to put his hand over Ben's where it rested on his shoulder. "Yeah. Fifteen years and we're still waiting."

"Oh." Fraser looked from one to the other of them, then down at the floor. "I guess things still aren't so great, huh?"

"Some things have improved, some are taking a little longer." Ben's breath warmed his cheek. "It's not a perfect world yet. You simply need to be careful."

Ray was relieved to see the two boys nodding slowly. It looked like they were taking notice and he felt better for it. Then Fraser's eyes fixed on him suddenly.

"Why did you say that? About not calling you Ray?" His stare was unnervingly intense. He'd learned it from Dief as a kid and was still able to put it to good use on occasion.

Ray moved restlessly. "I was just blowing off steam. Forget it."

Ben's arm tightened around his shoulders. "I believe Ray wasn't entirely happy when you started calling him by his name. I told him it was a phase you were going through... If so, it seems to have lasted a long time."

"Oh..." The unblinking stare was removed, and Fraser looked thoughtfully at his hand, twined with Gil's. Then the stare was back. "What would you like me to call you?"

The question took Ray by surprise. He'd never really thought about it, and he could hardly ask Fraser to start calling him daddy again. He looked at Ben, but simply got a smile in return. The answer came to him quite suddenly. It took him by surprise, actually... he would never have thought of it even just a couple of years ago. He guessed it was a sign of... well, something... acceptance, maybe... that he could think of it now.

"I guess you could call me Pop." He saw Fraser's eyes widen, and felt a soft brush of lips against his cheek. He shrugged. "Well, I guess he did the best he could, you know?"

Ben kissed him again. "I know, love. I'm glad you do too."

Ray twisted around on the couch, almost forgetting their audience. "Took me long enough to figure it out, huh?"

Ben stroked his cheek and didn't answer.

Gil and Fraser were deep in a whispered consultation when he dragged his attention away from Ben for a moment. Then Fraser looked up. "Um... Dad? Pop?"

It felt strange to be called that. Strange and good... "Yeah?"

"Gil and I... we just wanted you to know, that we haven't..." A tide of red flooded his cheeks and Gil was looking embarrassed. "...well, you know. So we haven't broken any laws."

Ray grinned. "So how long till you turn eighteen, Gil?"

"Three weeks." Gil blushed suddenly and Ray laughed under his breath, having a pretty good idea what the boy was thinking.

"We'll throw a party for you, won't we Benny?"

Ben smiled. "That seems like a good idea."

He was feeling weak, now, with reaction and he didn't think the others were any better. A great way to spend an evening at home with your family... And now he could hardly bear to look at anything but Benny. After a short, awkward pause, Fraser scrambled to his feet.

"I'll show Gil to his room. 'Night Dad... night Pop..."

It sounded a little stilted, but no doubt Fraser would get used to it. Ray thought that he'd probably take a while to get used to it too. Fraser leaned over and kissed them each on the cheek, then grabbed Gil's hand and led him out. Ray forgot about them as soon as they'd cleared the doorway.

*


One of the advantages of Gil being in the guest room, Fraser decided, was that it, unlike his own room, had a double bed. Also, it was further away from his fathers' room. That was likely to be quite useful in three weeks time... It was quite useful now too, as he pressed himself against Gil's slim body and kissed him with all the hunger that came from living through a long, frustrating, and sometimes frightening day.

It had only been two days since he'd realised just why Gil was always close by him whenever he was in the library, or in the classes they shared. Only last night that he'd admitted to himself, and Gil, that he too was attracted... no, more than that... he was in love with the other boy.

Gil smothered a moan against his lips and Fraser took advantage of that to slide his tongue between slightly parted lips. He explored the warm mouth rather hesitantly and felt Gil's enthusiastic response. They broke apart a moment later, breathing fast. Fraser smiled up at his almost, not quite, soon-to-be lover and ran his fingers through a thick mop of straight blond hair. Then Gil kissed him again.

His arms went around Gil instinctively, his body arching against the slimmer one that lay half over him. He knew what gay men did in bed, ever since he'd had that talk with his fathers. Later, he'd been curious enough to look at a few books, but nothing had prepared him for this. Even that night with Luanne hadn't felt like this, but then, he'd been nervous as hell, and it had only been a commercial transaction after all. Not like now. Somehow his hands found bare skin and Gil gasped.

"You like that?" His voice sounded strange to his own ears. He stroked Gil's back slowly, under the sweatshirt.

Gil nodded. "Oh yeah..." He sounded breathless.

They kissed again, slowly this time, and Fraser brought his fingers round to the front. Gil's skin felt so smooth, so silky... then he brushed against a nipple and they both flinched. Gil began to unbutton his shirt and Fraser waited with eager anticipation for that first touch. It felt better than anything he could have possibly imagined. Gil eased down beside him and they lay quietly exploring, immersed in this new sensation, forgetting to kiss at all.

Their eyes met, and Fraser smiled weakly. "Have you ever... like, done this before?"

"No." Gil flushed slightly. "Not really... only... when I was a kid? Like maybe twelve, thirteen... a bunch of us used to jerk off together, but we didn't touch each other. Well, except for a couple of other guys. We used to jerk each other off. But that was all. We didn't want to do anything too faggy." He grinned suddenly.

Fraser grinned back. "Is this too faggy?"

"Way too faggy." Gil lowered his head and lightly kissed a nipple.

It sent a fierce ache through to his groin, and made his skin tingle eerily. Fraser moaned and held Gil's head to his chest, but he needn't have bothered. Gil was showing no signs of wanting to stop. Somehow he managed to get Gil's sweatshirt off over his head and then they were plastered against each other, bare skin sliding against bare skin.

If they didn't stop soon, they wouldn't be able to stop at all. It took all his self control to move away. He met Gil's eyes and smiled shakily.

"We have to stop."

"Do we?" Gil's eyes burned him.

Fraser sat up and swung his legs off the edge of the bed. "Yes. I think so... I don't want to take a chance on being sent to prison. Besides..."

"What?" Gil sat up beside him and leaned against his back.

"I don't want to worry Dad and Ray... I mean Pop..." He sighed. "They've been through so much. After my sister died... it was awful. I don't want to hurt them."

A sigh gusted hot breath against the back of his neck. "All right. It's only three weeks... I guess we can wait."

Fraser turned back to face his lover. "Yeah. Three weeks. It'll be a breeze."

They lay down again, loosely clasped in each other's arms. Three weeks was an eternity...

"You know... once it turns midnight, the night before? It'll be your birthday then, won't it? You'll be eighteen." Fraser grinned conspiratorially. "I'll sneak into your room, and we can... we can spend the whole night together. I want that so bad. To hold you, make love to you... to wake up with you... It'll be worth waiting for, won't it?"

"Yeah." Gil smiled and kissed him lightly. "It's only three weeks. It'll be over before we know it."

An eternity...

*


At first, all he was aware of was the darkness, and the pounding of his own heart. He couldn't move. Gradually, other things filtered through the fear. A solid body against his, arms holding him securely... Ray shuddered and pressed closer, listening to the quiet voice, the soft, familiar accent.

"It's over, love... everything's all right." Lips brushed against his temple. "Come back to me.. it's over..."

He hadn't had a nightmare like that in years... had thought he never would again. There wasn't much doubt what had brought it on. Ray lifted his head from Ben's shoulder and silently begged a kiss. He got it.

"Are you all right, Ray?"

He settled himself more comfortably. "Yeah. It was a bad one, but I'm fine now."

"You're shivering." A hand stroked his back gently.

"Oh." Aware of it now, he tried to control it and failed.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Ben's voice was quietly determined.

"Not really." Ray didn't want to think about it, much less talk about it, but he could tell Benny wasn't going to let it go. "It was the usual stuff. You know."

Ben waited. In a minute, Ray knew, he was going to sigh.

"All right. It was different." Another, stronger shudder went through him just at the thought of talking about it. He didn't remember the actual attack, though Benny had told him about it, and the nightmares were always pretty much what Benny described. He'd never really figured out whether that was because he'd repressed the memories, or because he'd been influenced by what Benny had said. Not that it really mattered.

"It started off as usual, but then it changed..." He swallowed, reliving the sheer terror of the chase. "We didn't make it to the tunnel, and then all of a sudden, I was holding Fraser, not you. They were all around us. They kept attacking and there were too many of them, Benny... we couldn't fight them off. I was trying to protect Fraser, but one of them grabbed him."

He stopped. The nightmare was receding now, but he still couldn't bring himself to tell Benny exactly what had happened next. "They killed him Benny..." His voice was shaking and he couldn't stop it. "They killed him and we buried him next to Caroline, and..."

Ray began to cry quietly. It was a nightmare, that was all, but they were always so real. He had to resist the urge to get out of bed and go into Fraser's room to check on him. It was crazy, because Caroline hadn't even been born then, but none of that made a difference. It just felt real.

As always, it was Benny's voice that brought him back. During the years that he'd had those nightmares, sometimes almost every night, it had been Benny who always led him out of the nightmare, Benny whose voice was his anchor to reality.

"Ah Geez, Benny. This is stupid." He pulled back, wiping his eyes.

"No, it's not." Ben turned away for a moment, then passed him a tissue. "You're worried about Fraser, that's what brought the nightmare on."

"Yeah, but..."

"...but you can't protect him all his life. You said it yourself. You simply have to trust that we've done a good job in raising him, and that he'll be able to make sensible decisions based on what we've taught him. I think he will."

"I guess so."

Ben laughed softly. "Fraser would be most insulted by your lack of faith in him."

"It's not that, Benny. He just needs to make the wrong kind of mistake and..."

Ben's arms tightened around him. "Do you think I haven't thought about it? But sooner or later, we have to let him make his own mistakes. We both did, and we survived."

Ray sighed. Benny was right, of course, but that didn't make it any easier to accept. As if he sensed Ray's capitulation, Ben began to kiss him gently, pressing little kisses against his forehead. Ray lifted his head, blindly seeking Ben's mouth.

Even then, it was a quiet, slow exploration, not pushing too far. Ray could almost sense Ben holding back in case he was still feeling too upset. He was, of course, but he wanted this even more. He stroked his fingers through Ben's hair and drew him closer, deepening the tentative kiss.

Slowly, the after effects of the nightmare faded under Benny's light caresses. Ray was touching him too, letting his hands roam over the smooth skin of his lover. Instinctively their bodies pressed closer, but still they kept it light, tentative.

It was like the first time they'd ever made love. Neither of them had really known what they were doing that night, but they'd been driven on by a need that was too great to be denied. And nothing had ever quite matched the sweetness of that first time. Until now.

His body was moving slowly against Ben's and the small sounds they were making only increased his arousal... then he was coming with a gasp of pleasure. The earth didn't move, there were no fireworks, only a sense of being perfectly at one with the most important person in his life. Ben was lying quiet and still against him.

Almost, he had the feeling that if he raised his head he would see Fraser, a baby still, in his cocoon with Dief watching over him. In ten days it would be their eighteenth anniversary.

Ben sighed in the darkness and Ray saw the flash of teeth in his pale face as he smiled.

"Feeling better now?"

Ray grinned. "If that's your idea of therapy, you could probably make a bundle out of it. Write a book. Do a lecture tour."

"Offer private tuition?" Ben shook his head slightly. "Thank you, no."

"Definitely no private tuition." Ray rolled onto his back and glanced at the clock. It was well after three am. He doubted he'd be able to go to sleep again any time soon. Memories of the nightmare still danced menacingly at the back of his mind. He groaned softly.

Immediately Ben was leaning over him. "Ray?" He switched on the bedside lamp.

"I'm fine. Go back to sleep." Ray flung an arm across his aching eyes, turning his head away.

"Ray, Ray, Ray... what am I going to do with you?" The mock exasperation in his voice didn't come close to disguising the love.

Ray lowered his arm reluctantly. "Just about anything you want to right now, I guess."

"Is that a promise?" Ben grinned again and slid his hand down over Ray's belly, collecting the sticky remnains of their lovemaking. He stared at his fingers thoughtfully for a moment., then smeared it across Ray's chest, rubbing it lightly onto his nipples.

"Aw, Benny! Now I'm gonna stink of sex for the whole night." It was no more than a token protest, and they both knew it.

A tiny frown appeared on Ben's forehead. "In that case, I'd better do something about it."

He lowered his head and began to remove the evidence, slowly and with great attention to detail. Ray shivered, for an entirely different reason this time. He began to stroke Ben's hair idly. Not the slightest sign of a bald patch developing... life was so unfair sometimes.

His chest must be clean by now, but Benny was showing no signs of finishing. Whenever he started getting oral, Benny seemed to be able to continue indefinitely. It looked like being a long night... Ray reached down and started to stroke his cock. It was far too soon, but he liked the feel of it, and Benny loved him to do it.

His mind started to drift again, to when it all started. Looking back, he wouldn't have given them a snowball in hell's chance of staying together. Everything had been against them, and they'd come together more out of need than sexual attraction. They'd been to hell and back in those first few years, yet everything that had happened to them had only ended up bringing them closer together. Even now, Ray wasn't sure why. Maybe they just were meant to be together.

"Hey, Benny?"

The dark head didn't lift, but Ben turned a little so that one eye could stare up at him. "Mmn?"

"Why don't we take our next holiday in Hawaii?"

There was a long hesitation. Ray was just about to tell his lover to forget it, when Ben smiled. "I'd prefer Alaska."

Relief made him lightheaded for a moment. "Why didn't I guess you'd wanna go someplace cold?"

"I don't know, Ray." Ben appeared to consider the question seriously for a moment. Then he frowned slightly. "Why now, Ray? You've never questioned the decision we made before."

"I dunno." Ray shrugged. "I guess I just feel like we belong together, and no State Legislature's gonna tell me we don't. If they won't let us marry in Illinois, then we'll damn well get married somewhere else, and make them accept it."

"All right." Ben smiled at him.

"All right? Is that it? Geez, I ask you to marry me and all you can say is 'all right'?"

Ben silenced him briefly, but comprehensively, leaving him breathless. "Thank you kindly, Ray. Is that better?"

"I guess so." He couldn't stop grinning. "Maybe we should take Fraser and Gil with us. Then we can have a best man each."

"Oh no. This is going to be a quiet ceremony. No Vecchios, except you. No best men. I don't want everybody knowing you waited eighteen years to make an honest man of me, and I don't want you giving Fraser and Gil ideas. They're far too young."

"OK."

Ben looked at him suspiciously. Maybe he'd given in too easily. He scowled, and his lover, reassured, returned to his interrupted task. It looked like being a very long night... But that was OK, he had a wedding reception to plan, for when they got back from Alaska...