Three Little Words	  Three Little Words

 by Caffre

  

 Author's Website: http://www.geocities.com/caffre_19/South.html

 Disclaimer: Since slavery is illegal, I can't claim to own anyone.

 Author's Notes: For the due South Lyric Wheel Challenge

 Story Notes: 

 

 

 "Don't be ridiculous." 

 I saw the look of rejection combining with forced humour on his face,
even before she had turned down his offer of dinner and dancing. I'm sure
he knew even before his mind had formed the question what her reaction was
going to be. This time though, the laugh she shared with her colleges in
the courthouse hurt not only him. 

 I know for a fact that Stella Kowalski must have, at some point in her
life, been a vibrant, caring and beautiful person, for how else could
someone like Ray, a man so filled with these things himself they're
telling with every move he makes, not have fallen so in love with her? 

 This time though, his pain is felt by more than himself, for a long time
it's been my pain too. Realistically I know he can never be mine, for so
many reasons I've grown tired of counting them. But my main reason is his
misguided dream of loving Stella. 

 He obviously is basing his continued attempts on something in their lives
they shared, some time in both their lives when Ray's happiness was just
as important to her as hers was to him. 

 I wish I could make him forget, but I know I can't. He has to do that for
himself.  

 "You should have seen it Fraser. God, it was beautiful." 

 This is the Ray I love, the one I can see myself loving. "I wish I had
of. You should have waited for me." 

 He slaps me gently on the chest with the back of his hand. "Yeah, well,
if you hadn't've been such a slow coach..." 

 "Ray, I was doing my duty, protecting..." 

 He laughs, still so full of adrenaline and I can't help but laugh with
him, and for a second I think he can see how I feel about him in my eyes.
I don't know why I think that, perhaps wishful thinking on my part, but
suddenly its like he knows and all I see is a tenderness around his eyes
that tells me its ok. 

 "Sorry, I forgot you Canadians feel the urge to..." He turns at the sound
of a voice, somehow catching it before me, that's how attuned he is to
her. 

 His whole posture changes then. One second he's happy and relaxed, the
next, needy and anxious. Again I wonder who could have fashioned him in
this way, who instilled in him this desperation? 

 He leaves my side and goes over to her, and I want so badly to stop him,
but I don't. I can't. I just watch the scene unfold. 

 At first she's calm, as is he, and for a while I almost think he's not
going to do anything. My hearing is very finely attuned and if I wanted, I
could listen into their conversation. But I can't. I'm just not built that
way. Well, all right, maybe I am, a little, but this is different. 

 And then, I don't need to try and listen into the conversation anymore. 

 "God Ray! Don't you ever give up? Don't you get it? It's over. We've been
over for ages now. The biggest mistake of my life was getting involved
with you!" 

 I watch, as does everyone else, the scene unfold. Ray slumping slightly
against the wall, Stella blind in her rage to the spectacle she's making,
the pain in Ray's eyes. 

 "But Stella..." 

 "But nothing Ray." She suddenly realises that everyone is watching,
listening to every word she's saying. The heat in her face suddenly dies
down to a cold, calm, beguilingly tender expression as she leans in to
whisper something to him that only Ray and I hear. 

 "I hate you." 

 He suddenly, somehow, finds the courage to look up at her, but in the
next instant she's gone, the noise of her heels marking her passage out of
the building. 

 Ray looks up, and god help me if I don't want to tell him there and then
how I feel. To try and help fill that aching hole he must have to crave
something so wrong so badly. 

 Instead I walk over to him, Dief following in my wake. I've always
considered myself a cold, slightly aloof, and frequently an annoying
person, hiding myself from the real world, but I put an arm around him.
People can say what they like, I don't care just now. Ray needs me.  

 "Why do I do it Frase? What is it about me? Am I really that fuckin'
sad?" 

 "Yes Ray." 

 He looks up at that, and I smile at him. He smiles back, but as usual
after a conversation with his ex-wife, it doesn't quite reach his eyes. 

 We're at Ray's place now, Welsh having witnessed the entire thing, a look
from him telling me to take him home. "Ray." 

 "Yes Fraser?" 

 "Can I be honest with you?" 

 He rubs at his eyes. "Yeah, sure. Why not. It seems to be the fashion at
the minute." 

 I wince a little at his harsh words, thinking that I could be capable of
hurting him in that way. Still, he needs to hear this. "This thing your
using is worse than a photograph." 

 Now I've lost him. 

 "What the hell are you talkin' about?" 

 "You're living in the past, on memories that are no longer applicable to
your current situation. To be honest, I think you've known and have only
known Stella for so long that you don't know how to be with anyone else.
Your memories are just that. A picture, something that looks pretty.
You're not meant to base your life on it, you can't, its just a memory
now." 

 He's quiet for the longest time, and I wonder if I've gone too far. He's
shaking slightly and, finally, he turns to me, fear in his eyes. "I
don't...I can't be alone Fraser. It hurts too much." 

 Now I'm the one who's shaking as I reach out my hand and rest it on his.
"Why have you been hitting on Stella so hard Ray? Because you're afraid to
be alone? Is that it?" 

 He turns to me, tears now in his eyes, and suddenly I'm uncomfortable.
There's honesty in there now, and I'm afraid of what that might mean. 

 "You're right Fraser. Straight on the nose. I don't know how to be with
someone else. I don't know how to love anyone else but Stella. But I..."
His hand moves, it's hidden strength covering my own, the heat from it
like a form of communication. Fire. 

 He moves closer, trembling, as he leans towards me, and I want and fear
and need and desire on so many levels I can't respond as he kisses me,
opens my mouth with his tongue and proves to me in such a short space of
time that he's finally telling himself and me the truth. 

 He pulls back suddenly, rising to his feet, moving as if he's not sure
where he should be going. "Christ I can't believe I just..." He drags his
eyes to look at mine. "I'm so sorry. Sorry. Sorry." 

 He picks up his coat, heading for the door when I get up and stop him,
holding on tight to his arm. 

 "Did you like it?" 

 He looks so dejected, so miserable, part of me wants to let him run, to
let him pretend he can feel better about this if he can just pretend it
never happened. But he's not the only one at risk here. I need to know. 

 He looks puzzled now. "What?" 

 I don't see the point in repeating myself, so I just repeat his actions.
I grab him and pull him close, holding him still while I kiss him, letting
him know through this simple, wonderful, unbelievable act that I want
this. Want him. Badly. 

 At first he doesn't respond, but I'm not really thinking now, just
praying that he'll finally see that its this, that its me that he needs,
just as I need, want this with him. 

 And I have my answer, his hands moving onto my back, pulling me closer to
him, following my enthusiasm with a healthy dose of his own. 

 We finally pull apart, breathless, connected again, and the misery is
gone from his eyes. 

 "What are we doin?" 

 It's not said with any hint of regret though, in fact, that grin I love
on him is back. 

 "I'd say we where kissing Ray. And doing a rather fine job of it to." 

 He laughs, an honest sound once again, but he sobers up quick. 

 "And Stella?" 

 "You loved Stella Ray. But you've only ever really had her for a frame of
reference, the love the pair of you once shared. Then when you fell in
love again, you thought it was with her. It was...easier." 

 "I've fallen in love again?" He strokes my arm with his hand, a
delightful friction sending some of that heat I felt earlier down to my
groin. 

 "I..." Here my confidence falters. After all, I can't say for certain how
he feels, only how I hope he feels. But I can say without a doubt what's
been burning in me for the longest time. 

 "I love you." 

 His had stills, and he looks at me, a slightly stunned expression. But
it's gone in a second. 

 "You don't. Do you?" 

 I say it again. "I love you." I know he needs to hear me say it, that
he's a little lost and needs some kind of trail to find his way. 

 "You sure?" 

 I lean closer to him, sniffing the side of his neck before licking it
like I've wanted to so many times before. "Mmmm." 

 "I..." 

 I stop. Look him in the eyes. "Not everyone you say it to leaves Ray. I
promise." 

 He nods in silent agreement, but I know he's thinking of Stella. His
father and mother. I understand this kind of pain. It's as much a part of
me, of the both of us, as breathing. 

 "You sure?" He's still in my arms. Doubt. Fear and uncertainty too deeply
ingrained for a quick cure. 

 "I'd stake everything on it." I kiss him gently on the cheek. "My heart."
Soft lips against mine. "My soul." Pale blue eyes closed to accept my
touch. "My life." 

 He laughs a little, but his grip on me tightens. "I never took you for a
romantic." 

 "I'm not." We kiss again, moist lips fastening, locking together, a
hunger spreading from this point to everywhere. Breathless and wonderful,
a touch of electric. 

 "I just wanted you to know how I felt. How I feel. About you Ray." 

 "I do." 

 I feel the smile on my own face spreading, mirroring his. "You do? Do
what?" 

 "I love you." 

 My own doubt bubbles up. "Really?" 

 He traces a hand down my face, over my serge-covered heart, freeing it
for me in such a simple and easy way and then down to my hip, pulling me
even closer. 

 "Yes, really. Thank you." 

 I'm slightly puzzled now. "For what?" 

 "Letting me see for myself. For not getting in the way of The Stella and
me. I guess I needed to learn for myself that it was over. I think that
maybe, on some level it was easier to hear her reject me than it would
have been if it was you." 

 I could kiss him again, but I don't. It feels wrong somehow at this
moment. Instead I just hold him, tight, like he's all I have to keep me
from falling over the edge into damnation. 

 Eventually we pull apart, finally done with this method of communicating.
He takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom, and I can't help but feel my
heart beat faster than I could have thought possible. 

 As we lie down on the bed, I know Stella is there with us, some picture
of her there in his mind, but that's all right now. I know he still loves
her, but I don't think I could love him if he gave up so easily. I know
that this will take time, but we've both taken the first step. Everyday
I'll show him just how much I care, and I know, one day, his heart will be
completely mine. And I'll cherish it. 

 The End 

 Chosen by Sel 
 Memories are Designed to Fade by Savage Garden 

 I'd never let you down when you're in a fix I'd come running when you
call
 That's my weakness baby
 So connected are we 

 You get your kicks from the ghost of a memory So busy turning away from
reality baby
 That you just won't let it go 

 But memories fade
 Yeah they're designed that way 

 But you're so wrapped up in her you don't see straight Watch her mangle
the truth while you take the bait So tell her can't you see?
 Your just turning yourself inside out for no need 

 This thing you're using is worse then a photograph It picks you up and it
turns you inside out now baby And it just won't let you go 

 But memories fade
 Yeah they're designed that way 

 She doesn't love you anymore
 Maybe she did long ago
 You're just a slave to the grind that she grew tired of baby So tell her
can't you see?
 You're just turning yourself inside out for no need But memories fade
 Cause they're designed that way 

 She doesn't love you anymore
 Maybe she did long ago
 You're just a slave to the grind that she grew tired of baby So tell her
can't you see?
 You're just turning yourself
 You're just turning yourself inside out for no need 

 You're just turning yourself inside out for no need. 

End