Nociceptor	    Nociceptor

 by sevenall

  

 Author's website: http://www.geocities.com/sevenall01/

 Disclaimer: Disclaimer: This story features characters, which are
copyrighted by 
Alliance and are used without permission. The use of these characters in 
this story is not intended to infringe on that copyright. No profit is 
being made on this work, it's written solely for entertainment purposes. 
This work is copyright of me and may not be used for commercial 
purposes.

 Author's Notes: Heartfelt thanks to Luba K, Dr B, Domenika M and Alicia M
for helpful 
comments and much needed encouragement.

 Story Notes: Victoria and creepy logic and love.

 

 

 NOCICEPTOR or FORTITUDE PASS, REVISITED 

 Nociceptor = a receptor that responds selectively to destructive stimuli.


 He is sleeping now. You sit in bed, beside him, chin on knees, and watch
him. The room is cold. He gave you all the blankets, but you shiver
anyway. Sleep smooths the sharp lines around his eyes. A few of the lines
suggest pain, fewer still laughter. It's a hard face, the face of a man
who asks little, receives less and gives nothing away. His hands,
calloused and roughened by frostbite are unused to caresses and hard coils
of muscle lie beneath his skin. You cannot pretend to have been
comfortable in his arms. 

 Yet there is no place you'd rather be. There hasn't been one day in ten
years when you haven't thought about him. When the doctor cut into you,
you clenched your teeth and visualised his face. When the guards took you
and slammed you up against the wall again and again, you saw his face,
felt his hands on you. But since he was the guard, the guard is also him
and what should have been love, what could have been redemption, was
violation instead. 

 Some people give life, hope, meaning. You bring ruin and burn ships. What
you touch, you taint. It has always been thus.This man was your last hope
and as your mouths met and your bodies entwined, you prayed, your hands
clenched into fists: Fill me again. Give my life meaning. Take this cup of
bitterness from me. 

 It was as useful as all your other prayers and realising this, you put
toys aside and played to him instead, an full evening's symphony of desire
and longing. The real you stood to the side and watched the show, only
mildly interested in the mounts and dismounts of the act. 

 Of more interest to you was the emotions washing over his face and
displacing the placid vacancy of innocence. Long have you thought him
untouched and untouchable. This is the first time you have been able to
trail your footprints across the snow and even if marring him gives you no
pleasure, you were satisfied to see that it could be done. 

 You aren't sure if there are victims here or who they would be. His
friend, perhaps. Your friend, most certainly. But you and him deserve what
is coming to you, no matter what it would be And your plan is hardly
unreasonable. One day of what your life has been for the last ten years is
but a taste and then you'll take him away from here. If he'll follow, it's
proof enough of his love for you . That you came here is proof of yours. 

 He might, of course, see things differently. Men are that way, full of
surprises. Like the handcuffs at Fortitude Pass. Maybe you cannot make him
understand. What it was like, what it's like for you now. But you know you
have to try. 

 FIN 

End Nociceptor by sevenall: sevenall01@yahoo.com

Author and story notes above.