Have You Ever?    The Due South Fiction Archive Entry     Home

 Quicksearch
 Search Engine
 Random Story

 Upload Story

     �	  Have You Ever? 
 by Aingeal  

 Disclaimer: Ray thoughts are his own even though Aliiance claims them. I
just get a window into his head. 

 Author's Notes: Thanks to Elanor for opinions and other beta stuff. 

 Story Notes: I had always wanted to try to get into Ray's head. So I gave
it a go. 

 

 Have you ever been kissed by a Mountie? I mean really kissed by a
Mountie, none of this kiss on the cheek thing. I have and I have to tell
you it was a shock. Well no, not a shock, just a really nice surprise. 

 It all started after the Bolt Trail. I'd got a bit mad at Fraser. I mean
I know it wasn't his fault he'd just been doing his duty but it hurt you
know? You wear a red suit and you get lauded as a hero, I mean he is a
hero but I helped him, you know? Anyway I got a bit mad. I don't know if I
was really mad or what. He's the most annoying man in the world but he's
my best friend. I just like him to show me how he feels once in awhile. So
we had a bit of an argument. I start yelling at him, what can I say? I'm
Italian. 

 "Can you just once, Fraser, show me how you feel?" 

 "Why, Ray?" 

 "'Cos I want to know! I want to know somewhere under that red uniform
there's a human who laughs and cries and *feels*" 

 I don't know why I said it. I knew he felt lust and love when she came
into town. Victoria also showed me that while Fraser feels he's not sure
what he's feeling a lot of the time. This time he was sure. I'd asked him
to show me so he did. He kissed me. It was incredible I mean this guy is a
pro when it comes to kissing. Some guys brag about how they have a
technique but Benny....Benny's kisses are sweet like you get with your
first girl but at the same time it's like a whirlwind and you can't help
but get caught up. 

 So that was when we discovered we loved each other. Once he stopped
kissing me I told him I loved him and then...well then there was a lot
more kissing and some other stuff, but I don't want to go into that right
now. 

 What I learnt was Benny, action-orientated guy, had trouble saying I love
you. It's not his fault. He can tell the world he loves a person...I mean
there was this one time when we in the closet doing a bit more than
discussing police work when Elaine opens the door on us. 

 "What are you doing?" she asks with a look that says `as if I didn't
know'. 

 So Benny, with a completely straight face, says, "Loving each other,
Elaine." And Mr Polite shuts the door! Elaine made us a do not disturb
sign after that. 

 But what was I saying? Oh yeah, Benny not saying I love you. He can say
it to my mother, who by the way has been really good about our
relationship. He can say it to guys we bust but saying to the person he
loves...that's kinda hard. 

 I wonder if he ever said to her. I know he told other people he loved her
but I'm not sure he ever told Victoria. She must have known by the way he
acted but...I still wonder. I don't want to ask him though it's better
leaving all that stuff in the past. 

 But the first time he said I love you that was kinda funny. We were
watching a hockey game, I mean I know it's not a real sport but it's okay.
Benny likes it and don't tell him but I'm starting to like it too. So we
were watching a game when Chicago score. I was impressed and I say "Did
you see that goal, Benny?" He just looks at me and I get worried `cos he
gone quiet and he says, "I love you, Ray." Just like that. 

 So I kiss him, of course, but then I ask, "Why did you tell me now?" 

 He licks his lower lip; he does that when he's nervous. Drives me crazy
he's so cute...anyway he goes, "Well it was the scoring of the goal, Ray
it reminded me how I really feel about you." 

 "Being in love with me is like a hockey match?" 

 He laughed a bit. He's doing that more often now. Don't tell anyone but
he giggles too. He says, "No, Ray, but the feeling of euphoria when you
score a goal or see a goal scored. I get far more powerful euphoria about
my love for you." 

 Funny but we never saw how that hockey match ended. Fraser says I love
you a lot more now. Not as much as me. I guess I probably say it too much.
I suppose I need to convince Benny. I'm worried he'll leave me I know I'm
not a screw-up anymore but that's `cos of him. I don't want to lose him. I
think he knows that `cos he never wants to leave me either he says. 

 He's the best person in my life, he is my life. Without him...... I would
have a cleaner wardrobe but I swear I have more fun being dragged through
sewers with him than I had on a romantic dinner date with my wife, well
ex-wife. 

 See no one touches me like Benny. No one needs me like Benny, I need him.
Making love with him isn't sex. I've had that. No-one ever made me feel
the way he does in bed or even the rest of time. I've made love with a few
women but none of them made me feel like I was the most special person on
the planet. Benny does that and he even does that when we're in the Riv
picking up a loaf of bread for Ma. 

 I'm so grateful I met him, so grateful I got that case and met Benny in
that holding cell. He's asleep now. I like to watch him. He's like a kid
or and angel when he sleeps. We often do this, one watches the other.
Yesterday I woke up to those blue eyes looking at me with love. I swear I
want that every day for the rest of my life. But this is good too, if not
better. I'd do this every morning for the rest of my life, stroking his
hair, kissing his forehead, stroking his back, none of it wakes him up. My
Mountie, Mr Alert, perfectly happy to sleep in. 

 He wakes up slowly and smiles at him. He has a gorgeous face when he
smiles, even more beautiful than normal. I lean down and give him a kiss.
I wonder if a kiss from a Chicago cop is as good as a kiss from a
Mountie...judging by Benny's reaction I'd say it's pretty close. 

  
� 

End Have You Ever? by Aingeal 

Author and story notes above.  

Please post a comment on this story.   


   �