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      	  Paradise - The End 
 by Vscott  

 

 Both Ray and Ben looked upon the landscape and saw infinite
possibilities. This is a good thing. It is always good to keep an open
mind and see the unlimited potential of growth, of understanding and of
the capacity to love.

 The best flight arrangements Ray found, with Margaret's, Francesca's and
Renfield's help was one where they fly from Chicago to Vancouver to
Whitehorse, changing airlines from United to Air Canada in Vancouver with
a three-hour layover in Vancouver. The total amount of time to get from
Chicago to Whitehorse would be 10 hours and 30 minutes, leaving at 2:45
p.m. and arriving in Whitehorse at 11:15 p.m. They would have an overnight
stay in a hotel and leave on Air North at 8:00 a.m., arriving in Inuvik at
13:35 p.m.

 Compared to the other itineraries that came up on travel sites, this one
was a breeze. One of them had the three traveling companions going from
Chicago to Toronto to Edmonton; a 33-hour delay before heading from
Edmonton to Yellowknife, then finally to Univik, for a total duration of
45 hours! Ray, Meg, Frannie and Ren all looked at each other when they
read that itinerary and shook their heads and laughed. 

 Ray grew a bit serious and said, "Ben couldn't do that trip. We've got to
find something else." And that's when they came up with a more reasonable
trip for someone in Ben's condition. He was improving steadily, yet he
still had setbacks when he would be in pain and when he would lash out,
particularly if he was startled out of sleep. Ray was worried for Ben to
be in public when Ben lost track of where he was and started to fight with
whoever was around him. Jackie and Ray talked about it and hadn't come up
with a better solution than sedation. Sedating Ben in front of other
people would have to be done discreetly.

 When Ray returned from the 27th Precinct where the trip had been planned
out by the group of four, he found Ben in his chair, typing away on his
laptop. He spoke from the doorway so he wouldn't startle Ben and Ben
turned and waved Ray to come and look at what he was typing. Ray began to
read out loud. "Ray, I only have to look at the scar over your eye to be
reminded that I can hurt those around me and not know what I am doing. I
want you to cuff my hands in front when we're traveling in the confined
spaces of the airplane and you will have limited means to control me and
Jackie may not be able to sedate me, in time. I could wear that Poncho you
brought back from Mexico to hide the cuffs. You could feed me my meals. I
look like the invalid I am, so no one will think anything about it. It
would be for the best. Please, agree, Ray".

 When Ben typed the last sentence, he trained his hypnotic eyes on Ray's
troubled eyes and the look was both pleading and so full of love, Ray felt
his knees begin to wobble. He fell backwards into the other chair and
moved it closer to Ben, grabbed his hand and brought it up to his lips and
just left Ben's hand against his face for a few minutes. Then he said,
soothingly, "Of course, Ben, I agree." He let go of Ben's hand and stared
into Ben's face. "I think it's a great idea. Jackie and I were talking
about the same thing, earlier. You must be psycho."

 Ben started to type, "I think you mean `psychic', don't you, Ray,
although, I don't think you were wrong about me being psychotic. That is
part of the problem, isn't it?" 

 "Come on, Ben, let me help you with your bathroom duties and get you
settled for the night. I have a few things I have to do. We have one more
day; then on Monday, at 2:45 p.m., we'll be on our way to Inuvik. We
didn't get much of a chance to check out that area when we were on our
adventure. Remember? We got to the Beauford Sea just when there was no
more snow for us. Good times, eh, Frase?"

 Ben smiled and nodded tiredly and let Ray help him get ready for bed. As
soon as Ben's head hit the pillow, he was asleep. Ray stared at his form
and face for quite a few minutes. Ben looked like he weighed about 160
pounds and the loss of 20 pounds made his face thin and the scars from his
beatings stand out more. He looked so very small under the thin hospital
blanket. His left arm, which was lying outside the cover, was withered
from being in the sling and from lack of muscle movement. Ray stepped
around the bed and gently placed it under the covers. He sighed from the
very depths of his soul for the loss of the Benton Fraser he used to know
- the man who could leap off rooftops in a single bound, run faster than a
speeding bullet, hang onto speeding cars and the man who knew everything
and could talk and talk and talk about everything and nothing at the same
time.

 Ray had a lot of phone calls to make. 

 When Ben woke up on Sunday morning, he noticed Ray was asleep in his bed.
Stefano had come in to help Ben grab onto his walker, but was called away
on an emergency. He used his good right arm to position his legs near the
walker, but dangling about 12 inches from the carpet. He started to slide
gradually to the floor, but the sheets were too smooth and his feet hit
the ground too abruptly, causing him to fall sideways, taking the walker
down with him. Ray was instantly awake and jumped out of bed to help Ben
get to his feet and holding onto his walker. "What the fuck are you doing,
Frase!"

 "So...rry....R...

 "Couldn't you have waked me up? Are you hurt? You hit your head, again,
didn't you? I see a bump on your forehead. How stupid can you be?"

 Ben knew he couldn't get Ray to listen to him since he couldn't get the
words out he needed to say, so he just hung his head and waited for Ray to
run out of steam. He lifted his right hand to his forehead and felt the
bump to which Ray referred. It didn't seem very serious. Just a bump. In a
flash of understanding, a "gut feeling", as Ray might say, he knew that
Ray could no longer continue to see him hurt, no matter how minor. He knew
by being too eager to be independent, he had hurt Ray more than he had
hurt himself. He blushed with shame.

 Ray pushed Ben's head up with his fingers and silently, they stared into
each other's eyes. Ben could see Ray searching for the cause of his
reddened face and Ben was looking to see if Ray was still very angry with
him. Both men appeared to each other to have regained their equilibrium,
so Ben labored to speak, "Shamed, Ray, for hu...r...ti...ng...you. Sad."

 "No, Ben, you were only trying to help yourself. I understand. I do.
You're right. It hurt me to see you hurt, again. I shouldn't have gotten
angry. I lost it, Ben. I'm sorry, too."

 The rest of the morning and afternoon was full of the routine of the past
weeks, except at 5:30 p.m., Ray helped Ben get dressed in his red dress
uniform and told him Inspector Thatcher wanted to meet him for his formal
removal from the RCMP. "I'm going to push you in your wheelchair `cause
we're going to take the laptop in case you have to type something and
here's an extra battery in case you get long-winded, as usual." Ben and
Ray laughed.

 Stefano and Nurse Evans were out in the hallway when they emerged and led
the way to the employees' cafeteria. Ben turned in the wheelchair and
looked questioningly at Ray, but Ray was staring straight ahead and didn't
acknowledge him. Stefano opened one of the double doors and Nurse Evans
opened the other and Ray pushed Ben through. A loud roar of applause and
cheering greeted Ben, coming from a crowd of people that included most of
the people from the 27th Precinct, the Canadian Consulate and some
familiar faces from his old apartment building on 321 West Racine.

 Ray pushed the wheelchair close to a table and set the laptop down,
opened it up and turned it on. "Okay, everybody, you don't want to deafen
the poor guy," Ray said as he used the traditional "keep the noise down"
gesture of two hands pushing down. Soon, the room grew quieter. Ben
started to type and occasionally, he would look up at Ray, and Ray knew he
was supposed to start reading. "Thank you. I know none of you believe it,
but I can't find many words to say," Ben had written. Laughter erupted and
Ray patted Ben on the back. Ben started typing, again. Ray got the idea to
read as Ben typed. "I am equally grateful to everyone in this room for one
reason or another over the years I have spent in Chicago. I'll never
forget the help my friends at West Racine gave me when I first came to the
city. My time at the consulate was not always pleasant, but I made some
very good friends." Ben looked at Meg and Ren when Ray read those words.

 "I want to particularly thank Ray and all of those at the 27th Precinct
who responded so quickly when my life was in danger. I understand that you
knew, at the time, that I am gay; yet, contrary to popular belief that all
police officers are homophobic, there was no hesitation to come to my aid.
I hope that you will think of me, if similar situations arise, later, that
don't involve a homosexual that you know.

 It is time to say farewell. I hope we will all meet, again, someday;
either in Chicago or if you ever find yourself headed due north, in
Inuvik."

 Everyone applauded and there were many handkerchiefs waving around in
front of peoples' faces.

 Ray left Ben's side to take a package from Meg. "We'll open this gift,
later, Ben. A bunch more people wanted to give you something, but I
convinced them that it would be better if we travel light and that them
being here, tonight, was good enough, huh, Ben?" Ben nodded in agreement.

 After a few refreshments, Ray pushed Ben back to their room and they both
settled for the last time in the chairs that looked upon the trees and
gardens outside the hospital window. There was a full moon which cast the
fallen snow with a grey light. Without taking his eyes off the view, Ben
reached for Ray's hand, clasping it as tightly as he could with his
injured arm.

 In the morning, there was a lot of hustle and bustle, getting the final
packing done. "Oh, yeh, Ben, open the package Meg gave you." Ben did as he
was asked. Inside the box was a poncho, but not the one Ray brought back
from an unsuccessful romantic junket to Mexico, but one made out of Ben's
dress blue pea coat. "You'll be less conspicuous in this poncho, I think.
I also bought you a present. These will be more comfortable than
police-issue cuffs." Ray showed Ben a pair of black, fur-lined cuffs; the
kind used in bondage. The poncho still had two pockets from when it was a
coat and Ray placed the cuffs in the most accessible pocket.

 The sacred Stetson was still sitting on a corner table where Ray had put
it when Lieutenant Welsh had presented to him. Ray started to pick it up.
"No...Ray...sad...to...look...at...it, now." Ray stared at the hat for a
long moment, seeing the past flash by rapidly and fade away just as fast.
He took one last look at the Stetson and walked away.

 Ben's answer to the problem of his violent outbursts proved helpful
during their journey to Inuvik. On the Air North plane from Whitehorse,
Ben had fallen asleep and had started to try to get up and get away from
something or someone, but without the use of his legs or his hands, he was
unable to do so. Jackie was able to sedate him before anyone noticed there
was a problem.

 Ben's seat was next to the window. Ray asked Jackie to change seats with
him now that Ben was under control and leaned over Ben's sleeping figure
to look out over the snowy landscape below. The full moon beaming
illuminated some of the features of the land in the darkness. It was
November 29, 2004, and the sun would not rise for another 78 days. The
pilot had announced they were flying over North Fork Pass with an
elevation of 4,229 feet, the first crossing of the Continental Divide.
(The pilot had actually said 1,289 meters, but Jackie was kind enough to
inform Ray what that was in feet when he said that didn't sound that
high.) Two hundred miles later, the plane was flying over the Arctic
Circle.

 Memories of Ben's and his adventure flowed over him like the icy stream
he had once fallen into and from which Ben had immediately pulled him. In
fact, the fall into the stream took place just a little north of the
Arctic Circle, at Rock River Campground. The best part, which he didn't
fully appreciate at the time, was when Ben took off all of Ray's clothes
and his own, too, climbed into their zipped-together sleeping bags in
their tent and did his best to warm Ray up with body heat. Ray tried to
remember if there was any hint, at the time that Ben was in love with him.
Maybe Ben hadn't loved him, at that time, because Ray couldn't think of a
single inappropriate thing that Ben did. 

 Ray started feeling a little angry at Ben for NOT telling him IF he had
been in love with him back then. He now suspected the answer to why Ben
came back to Chicago with him, though, instead of staying in Canada where
he truly belonged.

 Only a few miles beyond the Arctic Circle, they crossed the border of the
Yukon Territory and the Northwest Territories. Ray had always known the
difference between the two; that it was never Yukon Territories or the
Northwest Territory, but it was such fun to tease Ben when he got into his
prissy precise mood.

 Ben was starting to stir and his eyes opened. He looked disoriented a
little, but in his "right mind". "Hey, Ben, you were getting a little out
of control, so Jackie helped you out," Ray whispered, softly. Ben glanced
at him and then out of the plane window, just in time to see the
magnificent sight of the twilight sky reflected in the ice on the frozen
Mackenzie River. "Ray, we....almos...almost...home." It was a statement of
fact. 

 Ray reached under the navy blue poncho, found Ben's bound hands and put
his own over the top and squeezed as hard as he could. "Wherever, you are,
Ben, that will be home to me." Jackie blushed a little and cleared her
throat to remind the two men that she was still there. Both men looked at
her with sheepish grins. "Sorry."

 The next thing they realized was the seat belt sign was lit up and the
pilot was preparing to land the plane at Inuvik. Ray quickly freed Ben's
hands. Maggie and Buck were going to meet them at the airport with another
surprise for Ben - all of the people he had bid farewell to and Ray had
put money together to buy a specially-outfitted van that would allow a
wheelchair to be pushed up a ramp at the back and be secured within. Ray
was worried, though, that Ben would interpret their efforts to mean they
had little hope of Ben recovering full use of his legs. The four-wheel
drive vehicle was going to be useful, anyway, and Ray hoped Ben would
understand that, right away.

 As the three exited the plane, Maggie and Buck were just outside the exit
with a new wheelchair for Ben and Ray and Jackie settled him into it as
best they could while Buck patted Ben on the back and Maggie hugged him.
They all realized simultaneously they were stopping the rest of the
passengers from deplaning and began to move down the lighted passageway. 

 Ben was uncomfortable from the long flight. His deeper stab wounds still
had not healed completely, he would have sudden stabs of pain in the back
of his head and he was starting to feel, again, that Ray was throwing his
life away on taking care of him. He knew that Ray had grown to be very
fond of him and the look in his eyes, sometimes, appeared to be love; yet,
he couldn't help but wonder how much was guilt and pity.

 His thoughts had distracted him long enough that he suddenly realized he
was being wheeled up a ramp and into a new-smelling van. Ray and Jackie
were strapping the wheelchair in with him in it. Ray climbed into the
driver's seat, Maggie was in the passenger seat and Buck and Jackie were
chatting away in the seat just in front of him.

 Ben felt not only physically isolated, but mentally and spiritually
solitary, as well. His injured brain prevented him from forming sentences
without a lot of stammering and oh, so slowly, it made him impatient to
listen to himself. He was very pleased that, somehow, his brain had
retained the ability to send words through his hands and onto the laptop,
with the ironic twist that he couldn't read what he had typed. He wanted
to burst out laughing at that. Listening to the free exchange of many
sentences punctuated with laughter amongst his companions and being unable
to join was almost torture. 

 Once again, his thoughts kept him from observing his surroundings and he
was surprised when the van stopped and Ray was coming around to back him
down the ramp. "Hey, Ben, are you alright?" 

 "Tired, Ray".

 "Well, look where we are. This is our new home." Ray spread his arms
wide, indicating a middle-sized blue house. There was a wheelchair ramp
leading up to the double front door through which they had no trouble
going. Ben could tell, right away, the house had been originally designed
for someone in a wheelchair. All of the doorways that he could see to each
of the rooms were large enough to roll through. Ray parked Ben in the
middle of a very comfortably furnished living room and helped him get
settled in a soft red armchair with a matching ottoman. Ray lifted his
legs on it, covered him with a Hudson Bay blanket and went back out to
help Buck and the women with the luggage.

 Ben drifted into a nightmare, right away, as if it had just been waiting
for him to close his eyes. He was surrounded by men with burning hate in
their eyes who were crowding around him. He couldn't breathe. He began to
fight them off as best he could, but there were too many. He felt a hand
on his right shoulder and he blindly struck out at anything close to him.
"Ben, come on, Ben, wake up," Ray was saying as he placed a hand on Ben's
shoulder. Ben's fist flew out from under the blanket and caught Ray right
in the throat, gagging him, so he started coughing. Ray moved away from
Ben and watched helplessly as Ben struggled against his invisible
attackers. 

 Maggie, and Buck were just behind him in the living room with Jackie
behind them with medicine bag in hand, reaching into it as she stepped
forward. Ben was fighting so hard, it was impossible for her to approach
him. Ray and Buck stepped to either side of Ben and restrained his
thrashing arms while Jackie administered yet another sedative. 

 Ray and Buck placed Ben's limp body in the wheelchair and wheeled him to
their bedroom on the ground floor. Ray, Buck, Maggie and Jackie all looked
at each other with the same look upon their faces - sadness bordering on
despair for the Benton Fraser they used to know. Maggie had a hospital bed
put in for Ben; a very comfortable one that could be raised and lowered,
at the head and feet. It also had hand rails and Ray discreetly removed
the cuffs from Ben's poncho pocket and secured Ben's hands to the rails.
Ray would see about making him more comfortable, a little later.

 This is not what Ray had pictured for their first night in their new
home. He stood for a few minutes, staring at Ben in a drugged sleep and it
sickened him. There must be another way to deal with the nightmares Ben
has that makes him want to strike out at those who are around him. He
decided, then and there, he would rather be hit by Ben than to continue to
treat him this way. 

 Ray wanted to stay and watch over Ben, but he knew he had to go back out
in the living room. Jackie, Maggie and Buck were spending the night as it
was too late for them to go back to their homes and the three of them
wanted to make sure Ray knew everything he needed to know about the home
and the places Ray would need to go.

 Maggie could tell Ray was upset and decided to talk about that, first.
"Ray, what's wrong?"

 "How can you ask me what's wrong", Ray shot back, not intending to sound
so upset. "Sorry, Maggie. I just can't go along with the way we are
handling Ben's nightmares, any more. I can't stand to see him drugged and
cuffed to the bed. I would rather he hit me ten times than to see him like
that, again. Yeh, he knocked me down in the hospital because I wasn't
ready for him. I'm ready, now."

 Ray looked at his watch and saw it was getting late. He helped his guests
get settled in the extra rooms. It seems as though the previous owners had
a lot of friends who spent the night. Besides the giant master bedroom,
downstairs, there was another smaller room downstairs and two more
bedrooms, upstairs. The master bedroom had its own large bathroom and each
of the other rooms had their own bathrooms, although much smaller. He made
sure everyone understood that the groceries they had bought, today, were
just as much theirs as Ben's and his, in case they got hungry. They hadn't
spent much time on taking care of those things with all the excitement.

 When Ray had eaten a sandwich and drank some milk, he took a shower, put
on fresh pajamas and tested out the king-size bed that was also in the
bedroom along with Ben's hospital bed. Ray made up his mind to get rid of
that now despised object as soon as possible. He freed Ben's hands,
dropped the side rail and hoisted Ben up over his shoulder. It was only a
few feet to the bed and Ben wasn't as heavy as he should have been.

 Ray began to remove Ben's street clothes to replace them with warm
pajamas. He first removed Ben's flannel shirt and t-shirt, baring Ben's
chest. He had only briefly seen Ben without his hospital clothes on when
he helped Stefano move Ben into the shower at the hospital. Tears sprang
to his eyes, yet, again, when he took in the numerous scars from the stab
wounds on Ben's thin chest. Imagining the knife going in at each of those
locations, made Ray feel very sick. To satisfy an almost morbid curiosity,
Ray gently turned Ben on his stomach to view his back and if the three men
who did this to Ben had been in the room with him, he would have killed
them with his bare hands. Anger in the center of his solar plexus flared
up and combined with the nausea he felt, Ray's body began to shake.

 To find some outlet for the emotions that were overwhelming him, he
turned Ben back on his back and wiggled his arms underneath him, to take
him into a tight embrace, more for Ray's comfort than Ben's since he was
still in a drugged sleep. "Oh, Ben, "was all he could say, over and over.

 After a few minutes, Ray shook off his emotions and, once again, became
the efficient caregiver. Ray was able to find Ben's red long johns and he
put those on him, hoping Ben wouldn't associate them with the RCMP like he
did his Stetson.

 He settled Ben under the luxurious sheets and comforters before climbing
in on Ben's right side. Ray felt he could control any attempts Ben made to
hit him. If he had to, he could just lay on Ben's arm. He laughed a little
bit. He felt a little better now that he had a clear vision of how he was
going to handle Ben that didn't involve drugs and restraints. Ray
realized, sadly, that Ben was trying to fight off his assailants many
weeks later when he was actually unable to struggle against them at the
time. The blow to the back of his head and the punch to the temple had
left Ben helpless and ineffectual in his attempts to defend himself. Deep
down, Ben must be trying to change the outcome of events he had had
absolutely no control over.

 Ray woke up at around 7:00 a.m. He got up and opened the heavily
insulated curtains and looked out on the same twilight they had driven
through last night. There wasn't any fresh snow. He remembered that Ben
and he would do everything as they normally would when the sun didn't rise
during part of their adventure to find the hand of Franklin. He was used
to the experience of long months without "day" and months without "night".
The Arctic silence was a big change from the constant noise of the Chicago
streets. Ray saw deep into his own soul and knew he was ready for the life
Ben and he would share in this place of intense beauty and equally intense
peace. It was a lot like what he imagined paradise would be like.

 He moved two overstuffed brown chairs to face out the large window just
like the chairs at the hospital had faced out. There were a couple of
small tables that would be just right for them to have their breakfasts,
here, while they gazed upon the changing Arctic scenery. Ray heard some
waking sounds from Ben and went over to kneel beside him. He kept Ben's
hands restrained by the use of his arms around him instead of the
now-hated cuffs. Ben woke up in Ray's arms. He leaned back so he could
look into Ray's face. "Go...good, mor...ni..ng, Ray. I
need...to...be...able...breathe, okay?"

 Ray quickly moved away and looked at Ben shyly. "Sure enough, buddy.
Here's your wheelchair. Why don't you go into the bathroom and do what you
can and I'll be in to help you in a few, kay?"

 The double-bed was not as high as the hospital bed and Ben was able to
lower himself into the wheelchair without any of the trouble he had had
trying to accomplish grabbing onto his walker, before. That minor
accomplishment meant a lot to Ben and he grinned to himself. The fact that
the house had been used by someone in a wheelchair was going to make
day-to-day living so much easier for both Ray and him. There was sit-down
tub and safety rails for him to use to pull himself into it. When Ray came
in, he immediately noticed that Ben wasn't going to need his help. "I'm
going to get breakfast started for everyone. Do you want to come out and
eat or do you want to eat in here?"

 "I'll...come...kitchen."

 "Okay, Press this button, here, on this intercom, if you need anything,
okay?" Ben nodded and looked pleased. He hadn't noticed the intercom
system, last night.

 Ben, at last, had finished his bathroom activities and decided to use his
walker to go into the kitchen. He had not let on to Ray or Stefano that
using the walker was painful for him, but so was sitting in the
wheelchair. The site of the bullet wound from years ago had started to
ache without letup. The pain was a constant reminder of how he had almost
betrayed his best friend, Ray Vecchio, and how he had almost lost Ray. 

 Ben was in the hallway leading to the kitchen when there was a knock on
the door. Ray came squeezing by him and opened the door. Something white
flew through the door as if propelled by rocket fuel and launched itself
on Ben, who had turned to see who was at the door. Ben was knocked flat on
his back and was being held down by 80 pounds of happy half-wolf. "Dief,
no, no, no," Ray shouted. 

 "It...okay...Ray", Ben managed to say from under Dief, breathlessly. It
wasn't okay. He just wanted Ray to stop shouting. He clutched at Dief,
partly out of a need to be holding to keep from screaming and to let Dief
know he missed him, too, but something was very wrong; the ache he had
been thinking about earlier was now a sharp, unbearable pain.
"Ray...Ray...Ray...Ray." Ben couldn't make himself heard over the
cacophony of human voices and Dief's delighted barking.

 Ben just had to wait for all of the chaos to die down. Soon, Ray was
approaching him, after moving the tipped-over walker out of the way, and
reaching to pull him up. "No...Ray...amb...amb." He couldn't get the rest
of the syllables out. Ray was pulling on him with his hands under Ben's
armpits. "No." 

 "What, Ben?" 

 "Hurt...Ray...doctor," Ben got out between clenched jaws.

 "Maggie, call 9-1-1. Ben's hurt. What it is, Ben?"

 "Back...my...back," Ben managed to say before he passed out.

 Ray had instructed Jackie to go to her uncle's and Maggie and Buck to go
home. He said he was very good at waiting at hospitals because he had had
the most practice. Ben was immediately taken into surgery when the doctors
had determined the bullet was now pressing against the spine and they had
no choice. They had to remove it. Ray was warned that Ben might be able to
regain full use of his legs, be completely paralyzed or lose his life. 

 Ray had been there, done that. He climbed deep into himself and allowed
his feelings to become numb. He didn't want to feel anything ever again.
Particularly, not the love he felt for Ben. It was killing him. He didn't
understand why Ben had been singled out for so much heartache, loss and
pain in his life - both parents murdered, Ben was shot by his best friend
while losing his first love, torture at the hands of homophobes and now
this. It was too much. 

 Ray had become so lost in his dark thoughts, he lost track of his
surroundings. He didn't notice the woman in the green coat, standing in
front of him, trying to get his attention. "Mr. Kowalski, Mr. Kowalski..."

 "Uh, yeh? Uh, sorry, doc."

 Mr. Fraser is out of surgery. We removed the bullet. We won't be able do
any tests, yet, until Mr. Fraser is awake. He will sleep for a long time.
He has to come out of the anesthetic and, then we will be giving him
strong painkillers. I recommend you go home and come back, tomorrow, in
the evening to see your, uh, friend."

 "Can I see my uhfriend, before I go, Doctor Andrews? Just a quick look to
see for myself that he's still alive?"

 "Certainly, Mr. Kowalski".

 Ray had to call up Maggie, even though it was very, very late, to tell
her that Ben was still alive and to ask her how to get back to his new
home. He hadn't been paying any attention to landmarks on the way to the
hospital. Maggie said she would call Buck and Jackie and for Ray to try to
get a good night's sleep and to eat something. They would meet him at the
hospital tomorrow night.

 When Ray entered the empty house, he looked for Dief and then remembered
Maggie said she would take care of him until Ben was home, again. He
wandered aimlessly around the beautiful home until he decided he needed to
eat something, not just because Maggie told him to, but because he still
needed to keep himself on an even keel for Ben. Ray realized, when he
finally climbed into the very large and very empty bed, he really wasn't
going to be able to do this anymore. He couldn't keep feeling what he was
feeling for Ben. He was glad his bags were still packed. When morning
came, Ray was still awake. He got ready and called a taxi to take him to
the airport.

 While Ray was in the air, flying back to Chicago, Maggie got a call from
the hospital. Dr. Andrews said Ben had died without ever coming out of the
anesthesia. 

 "Dad, this is a refreshing change - spring in the afterlife." Benton was
sitting on the same rock they had sat on before, but instead of a snowy
landscape, Fraser Senior and son took in the treasured sight of thousands
upon thousands of wildflowers that had sprung up from the reddish earth.
Dief's father was gamboling in the carpet of color, chasing after
butterflies. "I was starting to think Ray would never let me go. I was
never going to be able to pay him back for everything he gave me before I
died." 

 "You still think he did all he did out of guilt and pity, son? I think he
truly loved you. He loved you more than that silly woman that got you shot
in the first place. I never did see what you saw in her, Benton."

 "Dad, isn't that the Group of Seven...I mean, Five", over there, painting
in the meadow? I think they are waving for you to come join them."

 "I believe you're right. It's the Group of Six. Do you mind, son?"

 "I meant there are five without you, Dad. No, no, I don't mind. Please,
please, go ahead." Ben was left alone with his thoughts and perhaps he
might be able to follow them from beginning to end if he didn't have his
father talking in his ear. His father was right, though. Ray did love him,
he knew that, now. There was nothing left of guilt or pity when Ray
decided he had to leave Ben behind; it was love. Ben didn't think Ray was
conscious of Ben "listening" into Ray's thoughts; the desired end was
achieved, anyway. Ben could finally let go of a world that had been filled
with so much sorrow and hurt for him. 

 Time has no meaning in the afterlife. Ben knew he would not be conscious
of how many minutes, hours, days, months or years passed before he would
see Ray striding loose-limbed toward him.  
  

End Paradise - The End by Vscott 

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