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      	  Zero Option 
 by tx_tart  

 Disclaimer: Not mine; this is just for fun.

 Story Notes: Post-series; established relationship

 

 Chicago 2002

 He pushed back against Fraser but Ray still couldn't break Fraser's hold
on him. Under that subcutaneous fat there was nothing but muscle because
Fraser was fucking strong. Then again, his last name was Kowalski and not
Schwarzenegger and it didn't take that much to fling him around.

 Any other time, Ray would be more than happy to be shoved up against a
wall of his apartment, with Fraser pressing into him from behind but there
was a principle involved here, not to mention the fact that Fraser had one
of his arms twisted behind his back. Not hard enough to hurt but plenty
hard enough to piss Ray off even more.

 "Fraser, get the fuck off me! I'm not fucking kidding here!" Ray shouted,
one side of his face smashed into the wall. 

 "I couldn't allow you to hit me, Ray. And yes, I can tell that you are
very serious," Fraser said in a voice like Canadian winter. "But now, you
need to listen to me."

 "No, that's the one thing that I do not need to do. I don't trust you to
tell me the truth anymore!"

 As usual, Ray's mouth accomplished what his body couldn't. All at once,
Ray was free and he whirled around, meeting Fraser's stare while he
rearranged his tee shirt and leaned back against the wall, breathing hard.
Ray was actually shaking, he was so mad. He rubbed the wrist that Fraser
had twisted behind his back and glared back, his body twitching with angry
energy.

 "You lied to me. Something this important happens, and you lie to me."
Ray curled his hands into fists and Fraser saw it and tensed his body
defensively. "I mean, something good happens to me...something bad
happens, you're the first person I want to tell. But you...you keep
secrets and you lie."

 "I didn't lie. I may not have been forthcoming with the informa..."

 "Lied!"

 "Evaded."

 "Lied! God, you're such an asshole!" Ray exploded, walking away before he
got another urge to hit him and wound up against the wall again. Where
could he go? Ray thought, striding into the kitchen, looking for something
to touch, some place to go to get away from what was coming. "I'm so sick
of this fucking Mountie stiff upper lip shit!"

 "I would think that we've been together long enough that you wouldn't
need to resort to profanity."

 Fraser was using his pissy voice, like he was the one who had a right to
be mad. Before he could stop himself, Ray was there again, in Fraser's
face. "Don't talk to me about how long we've been together. I know exactly
how long its been but I think you're the one who's forgotten."

 Fraser drew in a deep breath and combed at his eyebrow and Ray thought he
might lose it, right then and there. "Two years, eight months, not
counting the two years we were partners before our adventure."

 Ray poked a finger into Fraser's chest, eyeballing Fraser the whole time.
"As usual, you get bogged down with details and totally miss the big
picture. I'm talking about how much it sucks that, after all this time, I
gotta hear this kind of news from Wallace."

 Fraser looked pointedly down at his chest, then gave him a carefully
controlled warning. "Please remove your finger, Ray. It's very annoying."

 Ray removed his finger but he took his sweet time, watching Fraser's fair
skin flush with color with a tight, satisfied smile. Then, Ray turned and
started to pace, back and forth, in front of the sofa, the sofa that he
and Fraser had fucked on and napped on and watched TV on, with Fraser's
head in Ray's lap, or Ray's head drooping on Fraser's shoulder. He wanted
more than anything to go backward in time and pull Fraser down on the sofa
with him, and pretend that none of this had happened. "I mean, what big
secret do you think you're keeping here? You think I don't know that you
want to go back to Canada? Give me a little credit, huh?"

 "I'm sorry, Ray. I didn't mean for you to find out from Inspector
Wallace. I intended to tell you when the time was right." Fraser said what
Ray expected him to say, except that to Ray, it didn't sound like Fraser
was sorry. It sounded like Fraser was reciting that Paradise Lost thing
again, like it was something he had memorized and brought out when he
wanted to impress somebody.

 Ray's stomach churned, the moment starting to feel really familiar. "Oh,
really? And when was that going to be? You've known about this for a
week!" 

 "It wasn't a firm offer until three o'clock yesterday."

 "A week, Fraser!"

 "You've been very busy with the carjacking case..."

 He came up short then and looked at Fraser "No. Don't even go there. This
isn't about me, this is about you." Ray closed his eyes and rubbed at his
forehead, where a monster headache was just beginning. "Please tell me you
haven't turned them down."

 "Inspector Wallace asked me to give it twenty four hours' consideration."

 Fraser was quiet for so long that Ray lowered his hand and looked up.
"And?"

 "I'm not taking the job." 

 Ray had to look away. He didn't know if what he saw in Fraser's eyes was
Fraser's misery or just a reflection of Ray's own.

 ~*~*~*~*~*

 Fraser had left the room shortly after their argument hit that brick
wall, walked into the bedroom and didn't come back out. 

 Ray sat on the sofa for hours afterward, not watching TV even though it
was on. All he could do was sit and stare, holding tight to a pillow,
holding it against his chest and freaking the fuck out. He felt like he
was being split down the middle and all his insides were leaking out. 

 Either way, whatever Fraser decided to do, Ray was going to lose big. He
was going to lose Fraser. Either Fraser would take the job and blow a
ragged hole through the middle of Ray's life, or Fraser would stay, and
Ray would have to know, every minute of every day, that he wished he were
some place else. 

 And Ray knew that he had alot of the power here. He could swing Fraser's
decision in one direction, if he wanted to. But could he? Could he live
with that?

 He finally got up and went into their bedroom like he was sleepwalking,
aware enough of where he was not to run into things, but seeing nothing,
feeling numb. Fraser didn't stir when Ray opened a drawer for a pair of
clean boxers or when Ray went into the bathroom. He showered and brushed
his teeth on auto-pilot, trying not to think.

 When he was done, Ray flipped off the bathroom light and stood in the
darkness for a few seconds, the air still warm and moist around him. When
he couldn't put it off any longer, Ray opened the door.He climbed into
bed, trying to be as quiet and still as possible, even though, on the
inside, he was anything but. 

 No sooner than Ray was under the sheets, Fraser was there, rolling toward
him, moving on top of him, kissing him hard and desperate. His throat
aching, Ray put his hands on Fraser's face and kissed him back, over and
over until he realized what Fraser was doing. Ray twisted his mouth from
beneath Fraser's. "No, Fraser," Ray said, his voice raw. "I'm not going to
say goodbye to you, goddammit. You got that?" Ray's heart was pounding,
and his dick was already hard and throbbing between them, but he was
prepared to stop this right now if he had to.

 Fraser pressed his forehead against Ray's, their hot breath mingling.
"Ray," he sighed against Ray's lips and brushed kisses along his cheek,
his jaw, on the lids of his eyes. Ray sunk back against his pillow,
closing his eyes against the sweetness of this, running his hands over the
smoothness of Fraser's shoulders and the long muscles of his back, giving
everything up to him, without fear, without the usual
we're-guys-we're-tough shit. Something in the way that Fraser kept saying
his name, between kisses, just broke him.

 Fraser's mouth moved over Ray's again, his tongue sliding and moving
against his and Ray's whole body strained toward the connection. Fraser's
hard thighs moved, creating a delicious friction on Ray's lightly haired
ones. Fraser started pulling Ray's boxers down and Ray grabbed at Fraser's
until they were naked, skin to skin. Ray pressed his face into Fraser's
warm neck while they rubbed their cocks together, Fraser holding Ray's
hips down when Ray tried to squirm. 

 Words that Ray didn't quite understand skimmed over his ears, and he
didn't bother asking Fraser to repeat himself. It didn't matter. Ray
shuddered when Fraser's hand moved between them and he took Ray's dick in
his big hand and he started to jerk him, slow and easy and so fucking
good. He was taking his time, something that Fraser knew made Ray crazy
and Ray couldn't stay still. Fraser hovered over Ray, balancing his weight
on one hand, his eyes never leaving Ray while his hand moved faster on
Ray's aching flesh, spreading the slickness of the precome, tightening his
grip and moving faster.

 Ray started to thrust up into the tight circle of Fraser's fist, curling
his fingers around Fraser's taut biceps, holding on, loving this, feeling
like he could keep going for days. It was dark in the bedroom, but Ray
could see the outline of Fraser's face, see the shine of his eyes that
never left his and it caused a flood of something hot and pretty great in
Ray's chest. But Ray couldn't stop the pressure from building, starting at
the base of his spine and moving down into his balls, drawing them up
tight before he started to come, grunting out loud and long while he
spurted on his stomach and chest, until he was gasping and twitchy and
groggy from pleasure overload.

 He didn't say anything when Fraser smeared his hand into the come on his
stomach and he didn't do anything when Fraser flipped him onto his
stomach. He could only lay there, still shaking with aftershocks, with his
face pressed into the pillow, laying still as Fraser spread his big body
over his, nudging his ass with his hot dick, breathing on his neck and
licking his skin.

 Fraser patted Ray's ass. "Up on your knees, Ray," Fraser said roughly,
and Ray got to his knees, reaching out for the headboard when Fraser
pushed slowly into him, filling him, his dick slick from Ray's come. Ray
loved the way it felt when Fraser was inside him, so hot and solid. Ray
could feel Fraser shiver, feel his legs tremble as he pressed in tight
against Ray, wrapping one arm firmly around Ray's waist. "Are you all
right, Ray?" he asked, pressing his forehead between Ray's shoulder
blades, breathing harsh breaths against his skin.

 "Yeah, yeah," Ray thought he said, still feeling punch-drunk. Pressed
against Ray's back, Fraser gave a few cautious thrusts, smooth motions
that teased Ray's dick into a hopeful twitch. Then, Ray could sense Fraser
straightening behind him, letting go of his waist and grabbing hold of
Ray's hips. Without a word, he started to fuck him, really fuck him, every
thrust jarring Ray, almost shoving him forward into the headboard. Behind
him, Fraser was really getting into it, groaning and slamming into him,
the slap of their bodies coming together creating a raunchy, wet sound.
And after just a few minutes, Fraser came hard, grinding into Ray, an
almost painful grip on Ray's hips until he fell foward, collapsing on top
of Ray. 

 They lay there like that. Ray didn't want to move, despite how heavy
Fraser was and despite the fact that his ass was burning because Fraser's
dick was still hard and throbbing inside him. Ray reached for Fraser's
hands and he tangled their fingers together. Fraser rubbed his cheek
against Ray's, and when he started to get up, Ray held on tighter. "No,"
Ray whispered, "not yet." Fraser relaxed, and Ray closed his eyes,
pretending for a minute longer that nothing had changed.

 ~*~*~*~*

 They didn't even pretend that they were going to get any sleep and Ray
made a pot of coffee once he and Fraser got up and were semi-dressed.
Then, they sat down at the breakfast table on opposite sides and stared
miserably into their mugs. At least, that was what Ray did. From the
corner of his eye, he could see Fraser watching him and he was pretty sure
he wasn't admiring his bare chest.

 "Ray, truly, I apologize for not telling you sooner. It was never my
intention to keep it from you."

 "Fraser, I get that, okay? I know this is...well, its a big deal. I mean,
it's fucking huge..." Ray looked up and his mind went blank for a while,
realizing how hot Fraser looked in just an unbuttoned black henley and a
pair of white boxers and every hair out of place for a change. Ray shook
his head and tried to focus. "I understand why you were so slow in telling
me and I forgive you for that. But you still should have done it quicker
than you did."

 Fraser nodded, relaxing a little, looking grateful. "Yes. Yes, you are
absolutely right."

 "So what do you want to do?"

 The answer came fast. Too fast. "I told you that I am not taking the
job."

 Ray slid his mug out of the way and stared hard at Fraser. "You're not
listening to me. I asked what you want to do."

 Fraser's serious blue eyes got even more serious. "At the risk of
sounding like a drugstore romance novel, I want you, Ray."

 Ray shook his head and glared back. "No, Fraser. You can't do this to me.
You can't make me the reason you're making the biggest mistake of your
life."

 "My job at the Consulate...."

 "...Is just busy work and you know it!" Ray tried to dial down his
temper, shoving his fingers through his hair and taking a breath. "Fraser,
we're talking a promotion to Sergeant here. Field instructor at the Depot.
They sent you to Chicago as a punishment and they're trying to kiss and
make up in a really big way! They want you, Fraser and its about fucking
time!"

 "Ray, what are you asking me? To choose between you and Canada? I believe
I've made myself clear on that score. I choose you!"

 "Fuck! You make me feel like I'm talking another language here!" 

 Fraser combed at his eyebrow with his thumbnail. "I believe I would
prefer another language to the one you are currently speaking because it
sounds like you want me to leave Chicago and if that's the case, Ray, I'm
pretty sure I'm going to kick you in the head."

 It was just the comic relief that he needed and Ray's mouth twitched.
"All right, no need to go off the deep end. And you know I don't want you
to leave. Don't make me start getting all mushy here. Now, let's focus.
We're talking about a promotion. The Depot. Teaching. You can't tell me
that you aren't honored as all hell that they'd offer it to you." Ray
chose his words carefully; after all these years, he knew just which
buttons to push.

 Frowning down at his coffee, Fraser's answer was quiet. "Of course, I'm
honored by it."

 "And I'll bet there aren't too many Sergeants in the RCMP that are as
young as you."

 "True enough." He sounded so unhappy Ray couldn't take it. He shook his
head and got up, going to the other side of the table. After some tugging
and pulling, succeeded in turning Fraser's chair to the side. Ray climbed
into his lap, straddling him. Fraser's arms wrapped around him tightly and
Ray leaned against him, his mouth against Fraser's hair. He could feel how
tightly wound Fraser was, his body hard and primed to go off.

 "You want me, huh?" Ray whispered. 

 "Oh, yes," Fraser said against the hollow of Ray's throat, with an
urgency that made Ray's pulse jump. 

 "And you want the job." Fraser went still and didn't answer. "Fraser? You
want the job, right?"

 Fraser answered like he was being forced to, at knifepoint. "If...if I
were able..."

 "Taking the job doesn't mean you'll lose me, you freak. Don't you know
that?"

 Fraser pulled back and looked up at Ray, tightening his arms around him.
"I have no intention of seeing you only every two or three months, for a
36 hour weekend!"

 "But in a perfect world..."

 Fraser pushed Ray off his lap and stood up, taking a few measured steps
away from the table before he turned around again, his gaze dark and
unhappy. "But that's just it, Ray, we don't live in a perfect world. We
have to make choices and make the best of what we have, and I've made my
choice and that's the end of it."

 "Oh, I see. You're the man in this relationship so the final decision is
yours. I just need to go along, is that it?"

 "Of course not. I only meant that the job offer is mine to accept or
decline and that it's my decision to make."

 Ray hadn't intended to get mad all over again, not after Fraser had
fucked him so nicely, but all of a sudden, he was there again, his fist
itching to take a swing at him again. He shoved his hands into the pockets
of his jeans to keep him from doing just that. "Well, excuse me, Fraser,
for thinking that we had a partnership going here. Color me fucking
shocked that it took so long to see that this is a dictatorship and you're
El Presidente!"

 "Oh, Ray, for God's sake!"

 Ray waved his hand impatiently. "Shut up. Let me think," he said, closing
his eyes for a moment. He didn't really need to think for long. Actually,
he wasn't thinking, he already knew. There was only one solution. Just
one. He'd been thinking about it since Wallace had dropped the bombshell
and in the end, it was a much easier decision that Ray had imagined it
would be.

 Ray looked up and shook out his shoulders. "Okay. I'll go."

 Fraser took so long to answer that Ray wondered if he had heard him.
"What?" Fraser blurted out finally, looking a little pale.

 "You take the job. I'll come with you." Again, nothing. Just the sound of
a dog barking somewhere outside the window.

 Ray started to frown. Fraser wasn't reacting like he thought he would. He
was just staring at him, his eyes round and sort of glazed over. Ray
swallowed hard, getting a panicky feeling in the pit of his stomach. Oh,
God, he was dying here. "Th-that is, if you want me to come," Ray added
tightly, feeling a rush of heat to his face.

 It was the worst moment of his life.

 Finally, Fraser moved. He closed the space between them, and took Ray's
face in his hands and kissed him, long and hot and, Ray realized, with
promise. 

 Ray pulled back. "Hey, wait a minute. That's it? You aren't going to
argue with me about it?"

 Fraser smiled back at him. "No, Ray."

 "Okay, just checking." Ray held on to Fraser and kissed him back, smiling
a little as he thought about a guy named Kowalski living in a place called
Saskatchewan. 

 Maybe the world was more perfect than they thought.  
  

End Zero Option by tx_tart 

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