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      	  B: The Note 
 by Dee Gilles	

 Disclaimer: for entertainment only

 

 Benny & Ray 110 The Note Dee Gilles Rated PG-13

 Ray sat on the couch in front of the TV. Pearson sat by his side,
occasionally snuffling his leg. "Saturday Night Fever" droned on in the
background. He had stopped paying attention to the movie a long time ago,
but he let the old videocassette play on. He thought idly that he should
really look for the movie on DVD sometime. The only reason he still hung
on to the old VCR was to watch this movie and a couple of others he only
had on tape.

 He poured himself a shot of Cutty Sark.

 Yeah, yeah. He knew he was off the wagon again. So what? There was nobody
around to care, anyways.

 Last time he'd gone on a tear and Francesca had ratted him out, Benny let
him have it for what felt like hours. It was worst than being lectured to
by Ma. Ray felt like the lowest life-form on the planet once Benny was
through with him. He had tearfully promised Benny to never, ever drink
again. But he wasn't going to be around Benny soon enough, he'd decided. 

 He was moving back home.

 Ray poured himself another shot, and tossed it down. The liquid burned in
his stomach, but it felt good. It calmed the agitation of his brain.

 They'd had a good long run, his Benny and he. Probably much longer than
somebody like him even deserved. Somewhere, deep inside his soul and
clinging like a barnacle, was this idea that Benny was too good for him
anyway. Benny deserved better and could get better, any day of the week. 

 Ray poured himself another shot and violently tossed it back. His eyes
welled up and he angrily wiped away a tear. Pearson stared at him, her
chin on his knee. "What are you lookin' at?" he growled at the dog. The
Husky whined.

 With another shot, Ray steeled his resolve. He would call Benny tonight.
Tell him to stay in Canada. No. There was Carie, too. He wanted Carie here
with him, with the family. And he wanted Benny to come back, too. He was
so confused. He grabbed the phone from the side table. Tossed it away
again. Shit! Maybe he should tell Benny to keep Carie in Canada after all.
It was safer, cleaner. She'd grow up nicer. 

 He'd miss Benny and Carie both. But they'd both be better off without the
likes of him around. Everything Pop had ever told him about himself was
true. He was a fuck-up. He was a loser.

 Ray sniffled. He reached for the bottle again, poured another shot.

 Ray grabbed the phone again. He should call. No, he shouldn't. He should.

 He made the call.

 Benny picked up on the second ring. God, Benny sounded so....hopeful?
"Hello, Ray?"He said. "Hey, Benny, how's the vacation going?" He did his
best to keep his tone light. "It's everything a former Mountie could ask
for, Ray," came Benny's distant voice from eighteen hundred miles away.
There was a little static in the line. "Lots of fresh air, plenty of
exercise. How are things in Chicago?" God, Benny's voice. Benny had the
most mild and gentle of voices. It was a voice that he loved. He said
"Well, you know, Benny, Chicago's Chicago." Ray cleared his throat. His
liquid courage instantly dried up, and Ray heard himself backpedal,
wheedling. "Listen, I'm just calling to let you know that I may not be
there to pick you and the baby up when you get back. I might get tied up
in some things here, and uh...I might not be able to get away." He had no
idea what he was babbling about. Ben sounded disappointed. "Oh....Well
that's no hardship. We can manage. I know how to hail a cab, Ray." "I know
you know how to get a cab, Benny. That's not the point. I'm just calling
to let you know that I may not be there to pick you up, that's all."
"What's wrong, Ray?" Ray felt a stab through his heart. Everything's
wrong, Benny. Everything. "Nothing's wrong. I'm just calling to let you
know that I'd like to be there to pick you up but if I can't be there,
it's not because I didn't want to be. It's because something came up."
Yeah, that was it. Something came up. "You're sure everything's all
right?" Oh Benny. Don't do this to me. Don't sound so concerned. I won't
be able to go through with this. "Look, Benny, I'm just calling, that's
all. If a person is supposed to meet another person at a certain time and
a certain place and he can't be there, he usually calls him to let him
know." "So everything is all right then?" "Yeah, Benny. Everything is all
right." "Well, that's good to hear, Ray." "Listen, uh, I want you to have
a safe trip, Benny. Kiss the baby for me, will ya?" There was a long
silence. So long that Ray started to wonder if he had lost the connection.
"All right, Ray," Ben finally answered him. He could barely hear him.
There was silence on the other end for a few seconds. Ray closed his eyes
and listened to Benny breathing. Finally, Ray disconnected. "Shit!" he
said, tossing the phone away. Pearson looked at him questioningly. "I'm
such a coward. Such a fuckin' loser," he said to the dog. He gulped down
another shot. His head began to spin. The movie ended with "How Deep Is
Your Love?" playing over the closing credits. The tape then rewound itself
and he listened to the motor hum loudly. It clicked, back at the beginning
once more. The machine turned itself off, and the TV screen went to loud
static. He turned the set off. Ray thought of the time at his birthday
party that Benny had played that for him on his guitar, and sang to him.
"Are you trying to make me cry, Benny?" he had asked him as he blinked
back tears.

 Raymond Vecchio sat in the dark for what felt like hours and bawled his
eyes out. Finally, he gathered his wits, and pulled himself out of his
stupor.

 After an hour of deliberating, the note he left for Benny came down to
two sentences. 

 Benny, I'm sorry, but I have to end this. Please don't be mad at me. Ray

 In the morning, head hurting still, he packed his bags and some boxes. 

 The note he left on his bedside table. He removed his ring, loaded up his
car with Pearson and his baggage, and eased away from the place like a
thief in the night.

 FINIS

  
  

End B: The Note by Dee Gilles 

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