Erections and Other Dysfunctions    The Due South Fiction Archive Entry 
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      	  Erections and Other Dysfunctions 
 by Tatau  

 Disclaimer: Due South is the property of Alliance Atlantis. Written for
fun not for profit

 Story Notes: Don't be fooled. this plot is basically a lame excuse to
write some porn. Well, there is some angst. or maybe it's a complete
crack!fic, or a character study in nude scenes, hell, I have no idea.
Cookie points for everyone who can place this story in a genre? 

 

 Life sucked. Big time. That wasn't exactly new to Ray but at this
particular juncture it beared repeating. Sometimes this almost getting
killed was enough to drive Ray batshit. Why couldn't they have a simple,
nice Saturday evening like everyone else?

 Really, Ray had heard that other people spent their weekend completely
unexciting with a nice dinner and some junk on TV. Why the fuck couldn't
he? 

 Because other people weren't partnered with Fraser, that's why. They had
a nice dinner, Ray had to admit that and the walk back towards Ray's
apartment had been a nice one, too. Had they not taken the shortcut and
passed this alley where this old lady was getting mugged it might even
have resulted in an uneventful evening in front of the telly. 

 Ray got a beer out of the fridge and limped back to his couch, sitting
down with a wince. And of course it was their duty to catch the bad guy
and all that jazz but Fraser had to do one better, jumped right into the
alley with his "If you please surrender to my partner and myself, thank
you kindly" and all this bright red and otherwise they might have, just
might have, had an advantage. 

 This way the guy trained his gun at Fraser and fired and Fraser dived
behind the nearest dumpster and Ray flung himself against the wall and
then they were running and Fraser accelerated like he did marathon running
for a past-time and hey, what did Ray know - maybe he did, and the perp
knocked over all the trash cans and shit he could find and, damn it, it
was dark and Ray didn't have his glasses and he wasn't a class-A hurdle
jumper so, naturally, he had to trip and crash into all the mess while
Fraser jumped right over it and tackled the guy to the ground. 

 By the time Ray had extricated himself from the floor and figured out
that he had managed to sprain his ankle Fraser was already Mirandarizing
the guy.

 So instead of chilling out at his apartment Ray had to get the perp back
to the station for booking while his ankle swelled and throbbed and then
they had all the paperwork to finish so by the time they called it a day
it was really rather close to night - which found Ray in a rather sour
mood finally at peace in his apartment at twenty past twelve. 

 Great. Just an abso-fucking-lutely great way to end this Saturday. Fraser
had of course been all apologies and had tried to help in a really
annoying way and Ray had not wanted any pregnant moose stuff or anything
remotely disgusting on his foot so he had declined, thank you kindly, and
driven back to his place. Good thing he didn't need the brake too much the
way he was driving.

 He took a swig of his beer and sighed. Fraser didn't do it on purpose, he
got that. And compared to some of the other stunts he had pulled this had
been relatively tame, he knew that, too. Fraser was... he rooted around
his brain to find a suitable word... intense, was the best he could come
up with.

 The guy grew on you and Ray had to admit that it had kinda snuck up on
him just how much he liked him. Fraser was like the bestest of the best
buddies a hopeless case like Ray could possibly find. Still, he drove him
nuts sometimes. His foot still hurt like a bitch and the ice he had put on
it hadn't helped much, probably too late to do any good. 

 Ray just thought that he deserved a bit feel good time for his ruined
Saturday and for putting up with Fraser's shit all the time and laying a
hand on yourself might not sound like the biggest reward for a long day
but hey, Ray wasn't complaining, he got rid of high expectations awhile
ago. He sprawled a little more on the couch, spread his legs wide and
opened his fly in one smooth movement. He cupped himself through his
shorts. Huh, that didn't exactly get much of a reaction. Oh well,
sometimes a guy needed a bit more effort, right? 

 What about super hot fantasy #53, the one with the red-headed nurse who
had some really unconventional methods to get Ray back to health? He
grinned slyly, he liked that one. He stroked a bit more firmly, picturing
the nurse really clearly in his head. Still, nothing. He frowned. That had
never happened before. #53 was a sure fire hit in the groin department.
Except it... wasn't. 

 Ray sighed. He shortly considered watching some porn but... hey, no
sweat. He was dead tired and he had an exhausting day and that could
really happen to any guy. He just wasn't in the zone. Ray shrugged.
Nothing to be concerned about.

 Ray didn't try again for a few days, though. He wasn't scared or
anything, but, you know, no reason to force the issue. But this day, god,
this day took the prize money for getting as close to perfect as it ever
got. 

 There had been a robbery at a jewelry store by two armed and masked men,
and as always no one had seen anything but Fraser found a thread of fabric
imbedded in one of the shredded glass cases which he licked - no surprise
there - to discover that it contained stuff usually found in greasepaint. 

 An occurrence that confused Ray for a second there but once he checked
the files of the employees he discovered that the daughter of the store
owner was going out with a technician from the Chicago Theater - with whom
she had incidentally just broken up roughly 24 hours ago. Even more
interesting was that the only things stolen were wedding bands. Jeez, some
guys never learned, huh? 

 So they tracked him down and, of course, the master thief hadn't thought
so far as to provide an alibi for the time of the robbery which led to
Ray's favorite past-time: interviewing a suspect. The numskull was no
match for Ray's posture and broke down 3 minutes and 23 seconds into the
interrogation - 7 seconds earlier and Ray would have broken his own
record. 

 Yes, it was a beautiful day and all was right in the world. Fraser
customarily congratulated him for his good work and Ray was pretty damn
sure that the day couldn't get any better. 

 But Fraser did the paper work for him `cause "Ray, it is really much more
efficient this way" and maybe the gods loved him because they even had a
completely uneventful dinner at that small Thai restaurant on Michigan
Avenue, an equally unexciting drive to Ray's apartment where they found
something to watch that wasn't curling. Ray was in heaven. 

 Those were the best times with Fraser, the ones were he didn't have to
worry about their heads being blown off and they clicked liked magic,
worked like a well oiled machine and it was brilliant. It just didn't get
any better than this. And Fraser had this smile that lighted up his eyes
just so and even the wolf wasn't complaining; in short it was greatness of
the highest degree. 

 He felt generous so he even drove the duo-of-the-great-outdoors back to
the consulate. Ray was humming to the music from the stereo in his car and
got fantasy #34 all geared up for when he came home. 

 He got home and made a beeline for his bedroom. He made quick work of his
clothes and settled in his bed. Fantasy #34 involved a very hot, very
stubborn female suspect (who was guilty as hell, of course) and where Ray
had to use a different tactic altogether to get her to confess. He leered.
Yes, this was definitely a day for that one. 

 Ray really took his own sweet time with it. He was already pushing up her
skirt and groping her breasts before he took a grope himself - only to
stare disbelievingly down his body. 

 What the fuck? Nothing, nada, not the slightest movement. Not even a
twitch. Ray tried to stay calm, okay... things like that happened, right?
Hadn't happened to him ever before but there was a first time for
everything, right? He just had to... uh, ...find the right incentive. He
went to his closet and pulled out a battered looking cardboard box. Ray
rifled through the contents until he came up with his favorite porn video.


 He put it into the DVD player and settled in again. Ray was anxiously
looking down at his cock the further the, uh, plot progressed but there
was no change. He couldn't get it up. No way, no how. Getting dressed in a
pair of old boxers and a worn out T-Shirt was the least he could do to
protect his dignity. Betrayed by the one body part that had never let him
down. 

 Was he experiencing a midlife crisis? 37 seemed a bit young for one of
those but maybe he was simply precocious? Maybe he was sick? Ray tried to
keep the freak out at bay. There was plenty of time for that later.
Needless to say, he wasn't doing too hot. 

 He was... he couldn't even think it... he had a... a dysfunction, his
brain whispered scandalized. That was scary and then some. 

 Ray took a few deep breaths, like Fraser had taught him to do when he was
starting to freak out. He got a sleeping pill from his medicine cabinet
and let the drug do its work.

 He was jumpy and touchy at work and Fraser was probably going to chew him
out for it after a couple more days of this - well, not chew out exactly.
More like treating him to the Fraser version of it, all stiff and testy
and politer than normal until he finally snapped at him and then Ray
jumped down his throat and blurted out whatever the hell it was that was
bothering him. Ray hoped it wouldn't come to that. 

 Instead he spent all his time on the internet researching his... problem.
He tried to think of it as nothing more, it didn't have a name in his head
and it was just temporary and very little, miniscule really, and didn't
deserve any bigger treatment. 

 The only thing he found out, though, was the fact that most of the causes
had a medical reason. He swallowed when he skimmed through the list of
possible causes: diabetes, neurogenic disorders, multiple sclerosis,
cavernosal disorders... it wasn't pretty. And Ray didn't like doctors and
hospitals and stuff. 

 But he tried every night and there was no change. He started to feel
really panicked after the end of the week. He had tried all of his
fantasies, even the ones with Stella which always made him feel guilty,
every surface in his flat and every porn channel he could find, nothing
helped. 

 The weekend came and went and Ray's condition was still the same. He had
tried sauna, relaxation tapes, spicy food, drugstore aphrodisiacs, and
every kind of porn and it didn't change a single thing. So the first thing
he did on Monday morning was to make an appointment with his G.P. At least
he was lucky when it came to doctors; his appointment was scheduled for
the next morning. 

 Explaining to Fraser why he wouldn't be there to pick him up on Tuesday
wasn't exactly easy, though. 

 "Uh, hey Fraser?" he asked during lunch.

 "Yes, Ray?" Fraser's tone was almost hopeful. Ray assumed that he was
hoping for an explanation for Ray's intolerable mood the last week. 

 "I, uh, I won't be in for work so early tomorrow. Okay if I pick ya up a
little later than usual?" He studied his chicken salad with great
fascination.

 Fraser's brow furrowed. "Is everything alright, Ray?"

 "Yeah... sure... uh, I just got an appointment, is all." 

 Ray could feel the heat of Fraser's searching gaze on his face and hoped
that he wasn't turning red.

 "You have an appointment during work time? Sounds rather urgent, Ray. The
only appointments you ever scheduled during your shift were doctor's
appointments. Are you sure that everything is alright?"

 Ray sighed, could the Mountie not just once miss out on something? 

 "It's-it's alright. Just a, uh, routine check. I'll probably be at the
consulate around 10."

 "Ah, I see. Well, it is never the wrong time for precautions, Ray." 

 Ray nodded and mumbled something indefinable. 

 The next morning might take the credit for being the most embarrassing
one in all of Ray's life. Explaining to a stranger why he was there and
then letting said stranger look at it for himself, and nurses, too, wasn't
exactly his idea of a good time. He had never -never - felt so low. 

 And now that he had it black on white he wasn't sure if he was supposed
to be pleased by it. "Well, Mr. Kowalski there is no medical reason for
your erectile dysfunction" - and damn him for just saying that as if it
was nothing more than a cold. Erectile dysfunction, for Christ's sake,
that was like a, like a death sentence or something. "We will inform you
once we get the results from your blood test back from the lab, however, I
wouldn't put too much hope in those, if I were you." 

 See? Sure, Ray was happy that he didn't have diabetes or any of those
other scary things but not having any explanation meant he was right back
where he started, square one all over again. Could have saved him from
waving his dick into the face of a stranger with a university degree had
he known that earlier. 

 "Mr. Kowalski, an erectile dysfunction" - and could he stop saying that,
please? - "can have multiple causes. Are you enduring a lot of stress at
the moment?" Ray seriously considered explaining his freakish partnership
and that what passed for stress in his life had long surpassed any
measurable amount, that after starting to work with the Mountie nothing
really stressed him anymore. 

 He just didn't think that the doc would believe him if he told him that
he was even able to perform after he was rescued from a sinking ship when
he couldn't even swim. Ray did not want hallucinations or delusions on his
list of possible causes. Heh, at least he and Fraser would share the same
medical record then. 

 "Nah, compared to other times in my life it's really laid-back at the
moment." Ray shrugged. Sad thing was that it was the truth. Maybe it was
stress after all? What kind of guy said that his life was laid-back
because he had only suffered two shootings, three high speed chases and
one hostage situation over the course of the last week? 

 "Hm." That `hm' sounded a lot like Fraser's "ah", the "oh dear" one not
the "I see" variety, and it usually wasn't pretty. "Hm what, Doc?"
"Performance anxiety is another common cause--" Ray didn't even let him
finish. He was working with Fraser! There was no one that made you feel
like a million bucks the way Fraser did, working with him Ray felt
reasonably confident that he could do anything. So, nope, no performance
anxiety here.

 "Mr. Kowalski, you have to understand that there are numerous reasons
that could lead to" - Ray winced, he knew what was coming, that guy had no
sympathy - "erectile dysfunction". He scribbled something on his
prescription pad. "This is the number of a therapist I can recommend. She
might be able to help you with discovering the cause." 

 No way was Ray going to a therapist. He'd done that crap with Stella and
there was no way he was going back there. Afterwards you had problems you
didn't even know you had before you entered the door. "Thanks." He
managed, but barely. 

 Needless to say this development didn't exactly lighten his mood. He felt
harassed, under pressure to prove something, and to reassure himself that
he was still a man no matter if the equipment worked or... not. He gritted
his teeth. 

 God, that made him mad. Maybe this was better, wasn't there something to
the stages of grief and didn't anger came after self-pity? Or maybe anger
was the last stop before he reached resignation? ..or was it about the
stages of death and the last destination was... he swallowed. Maybe not
such a good idea after all. But anger was familiar and it didn't feel as
helpless as fear. 

 It was even fun getting Fraser riled up. That guy had a lot more patience
than anyone had a right to possess but even Ray could see that the ice was
getting thin after three days of Ray's not so passive aggressive shit. 

 It was Friday night and they were on a stakeout and Ray was restless and
jittery because a stakeout meant way too much time to think and the only
thing Ray had tried to avoid was thinking so this was pretty much the
punch line to his week. 

 Fraser had stopped telling Inuit stories hours ago because Ray had more
or less shouted at him to just shut the fuck up - stupid fertility myths
and gods with phallic properties and he just didn't need this at the
moment. 

 So Ray was bouncing his leg and sipping on his third cup of coffee and
jumping through the channels on the radio and he saw Fraser's jaw flex and
he knew that he was putting him on edge in a wild mixture of intention and
completely involuntary action. "Ray." Patient Fraser. More leg bouncing.
He couldn't stop, honest to god. "Ray." Long-suffering sigh.

 The next station had to be better - they couldn't all be playing
"Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones, right? "Ray!" Definitely annoyed
now. But the next station was playing the Bloodhound Gang and no way was
Ray waiting for them to start grunting about tits and fucking and grinding
and shit. "RAY!" Oops, now he'd done it.

 Fraser's hand came to rest upon his bouncing leg and pressed it against
the seat. When Ray's bouncing was thus controlled he removed his arm
again. "Ray, you have been telling me that you are fine for the last two
weeks but unless your caffeine tolerance has reduced itself to no more
than one cup I'd say that it is highly unlikely that you are fine."

 Ray let his head hang and rested it against the steering wheel. He was
tired and he felt hopeless and he was so sick of it all. They had - Ray
chanced a glance at the clock - still 52 minutes to go and hey, Fraser was
the last guy to laugh at him for this, right? Fraser had all these moral
codes about not making anyone feel more like shit than they already did
and always making everything sound easier and manageable. 

 "I---" He couldn't say it. It just wasn't possible, the words were lodged
in his throat in a really painful way but there was no way that he could
get them out.

 "So, it is this serious then." Fraser said and he sounded like he had
given the matter an awful lot of thought and Ray didn't want Fraser to
sound like this, all... un-Fraserish. "Yeah... I... I have..." but still
the words wouldn't come.

 "Do you know the exact term for your condition, it might help." Fraser
offered kindly. Ray didn't get it. What was Fraser talking about? Of
course he knew what a constantly soft dick was called, he wasn't an
imbecile. Calling a spade a spade didn't help any, though. "Huh? Fraser,
what are you talking about?" 

 "I-" There went the finger over the eyebrow again. "I couldn't help but
assume that your... deteriorating... mood over the last two weeks was in
some way related to your appointment last Tuesday." Ray took a deep
breath. "You're right... it is... I'm just... I can't tell you, Fraser."

 Fraser looked a bit pale but that could be from the ghoulish light from
that neon ad at the corner. "Ray, I promise I will support you in any
situation. If you... if you tell me what the diagnosis is I might even be
able to help. I read quite a few books on alternative medicine, there are
some techniques that are quite simple, I assure you, and it wouldn't hurt
trying to, for example, envision yourself enveloped in a yellow light
and--"

 What the fuck? Yellow light? That sounded like something Ray had seen on
TV, something cancer patients did when they were told the tumor was
inoperable. They kinda imagined a healing light or some crap. Wait, wait,
wait... Fraser was thinking that...? Gee! Had he been that bad that Fraser
assumed he was like, dying or something?

 "Fraser, I- I'm not... sick, not like that. I mean, I don't got cancer or
anything." Fraser - well, he almost slumped back into his seat with
relief. Ray felt like a jerk for making Fraser worry like that.

 "I... can't get..." the rest was an undistinguishable murmur but
apparently the Mountie really had ears like a bat. "You can't get it up?"
Fraser repeated in a clear voice and Ray winced again. Did everyone have
to shout it from the treetops or what? He swore if Fraser asked him now
what exactly he couldn't get up he would pop him one. 

 He shot a dirty glare in Fraser's direction and Fraser's puzzled
expression smoothed over. "Ah." He was silent for a moment. "I assume
correctly then that there is no medical cause for this... condition?" Ray
sighed in relief. At least Fraser took mercy on him. 

 He nodded. His throat felt dry and he gulped another mouthful of almost
cold coffee. It tasted like ashes and Ray made a face at it. Shouldn't
have given up smoking, he could really need a cigarette right now.

 Fraser reached into the glove compartment and took out a small plastic
case, he shook the content lightly and handed Ray a toothpick from the
container. Ray couldn't help but smile at Fraser. That man was really
looking for all the signs... and knew how to read Ray like a book.
"Thanks". He took the toothpick gratefully and started rolling it around
in his mouth.

 "Hm." Fraser looked as if he ran through a list in his head. "I wouldn't
say that stress is a probable cause. Did anything happen that could have
resulted in your predicament?" 

 Ray shook his head. "It's driving me mental. I've been thinking about it
all week but I can't come up with anything. Nothing happened, I don't know
why my dick has to behave like a freak of nature." Ray blushed, he had
never used a word like dick around Fraser. The Mountie took it remarkably
well, however, acting as if this was a medical discussion they were having
and not one about Ray's now even less than non-existing sex life. 

 "Don't worry, Ray. I am confident that it is only a temporary situation.
Our bodies are often occupied by things that escape our conscious mind. I
am quite sure that your subconscious is simply trying to cope with another
matter and in a little while everything will be fine again." He gave Ray
one of his "this is a matter of physics, Ray" smile the one where Ray knew
that it was just like Fraser had said, it was like gravity or the order of
the universe. 

 Ray's shoulders relaxed for the first time in weeks. "Thanks, Fraser."
"Think nothing of it. I will look into the matter and maybe we can find a
solution to speed up the process." Fraser said in a tone he reserved for
working on a case. Ray felt immensely glad. Fraser was like an in the
flesh guarantee that everything would be alright. 

 And Fraser really made it easy on Ray. He wasn't walking on eggshells
around the topic but he didn't bring it up unnecessarily either. He
discreetly handed Ray books with the relevant pages marked that might be
of help to him, relaxation techniques or even tantric exercises - those,
Fraser had not been able to give to Ray without a slight blush on his
cheeks but he had looked Ray defiantly in the eye and Ray appreciated that
Fraser was going so far out of his comfort zone just to help him.

 And even though nothing seemed to help Fraser's quiet confidence that it
was a temporary occurrence and that they only needed to find the right
cure was unshaken and it made Ray feel a bit more at ease, this feeling
that it was really just a matter of time... and not a matter of
possibility.

 The next weekend approached and Ray didn't try to think that this meant
it had been three weeks now. Instead he went to the movie theater with
Fraser, grabbing some mindless action movie which Fraser and his
hypersensitive ears didn't enjoy too much but was great at distracting
Ray. It was already late when they left the theater so Ray walked back
towards the consulate with Fraser where he had left his car.

 Fraser patted his arm in an encouraging gesture and went inside, Dief hot
on his heels. Ray was already unlocking the door of the GTO when he
decided to walk a bit longer. It wasn't the greatest neighborhood and it
wasn't the best scenery but Ray felt relaxed and it was a warm night out
and if he could delay facing his bedroom and the bed in it for a while
longer he didn't mind in the slightest.

 He walked for at least an hour, block after block but he kinda enjoyed
it. It was after midnight when he crossed the street towards the consulate
again and he thought maybe Fraser was still awake, they could drink some
of his freakish tea and Fraser could tell some more stories about the
buttfuckofnowhere and maybe Ray could go to bed so tired that he wouldn't
even notice that a bed could be used for other stuff beside sleeping.

 Ray wasn't sure if Fraser was still awake, though. What did a guy do when
he slept in his work place? There wasn't exactly much that he could do for
fun, right? The door was already locked but Ray was quite skilled at
picking a lock with his trusted credit card so that part didn't bother him
too much. 

 He stood in the silent, dark hallway and suspected that Fraser was indeed
already asleep. Okay, better be quiet then. If Fraser was already sleeping
he would just sneak out again, no harm done. He crept towards Fraser's
office and thought he could hear soft noises inside. Maybe Fraser was
reading to the wolf? 

 Ray was almost at the door when he realized that it was slightly ajar. He
frowned for a second but it made sense, that way the wolf could get out of
the room during the night. He pushed the door open a little bit wider, the
room appeared to be pretty dark.

 There was a small light coming from somewhere behind the door - the desk
lamp possibly. Most of the room was still in shadows but Ray could see
Fraser alright, lying on his cot with.... Ray gaped. Fraser had his hand
inside his long johns and was jerking off. It was such an improbable sight
that Ray's brain needed a second longer to take in all the details. 

 The handkerchief Fraser had wrapped around his hand, probably to avoid
any mess at the end and the way he was biting enticingly on his lower lip,
trying to keep his soft moans and small whimpers muffled, his head thrown
back and Ray could see the long line of his neck. 

 Fraser's hand was moving in a blur and Ray could see that Fraser was
getting close and he should leave, this was private, he shouldn't be
looking at all but he couldn't look away because... for a horrified moment
that lasted forever Ray stared down at his crotch... and the unmistakable
bulge that greeted him there. 

 It felt as if his blood had taken a second to catch up with him and he
felt suddenly light headed and god, he was hard like he couldn't believe
ever being in his life and it would have taken more than a whole army to
stop him from stroking himself through his jeans. After three weeks of not
even being able to produce a twitch he had a hard-on that tried to burn
through his pants. 

 He pressed the heel of his hands against his cock and had to bite down on
a moan, he was so close... how had he gotten so close so fast, he hadn't
even really touched himself but his gaze was riveted to Fraser's form on
the bed, a rosy hue on his chest and soft shadows on his face from the
lamp and that tongue came out to wet his lips and Ray unconsciously
mirrored the action and he could see Fraser's spine coil, his whole back
arched and he grunted and made a sound that Ray fancied sounded a lot like
his name. 

 He came with a final roll of the hips and Ray bit down on his lips so
hard he could taste the coppery tang of blood and his heel pressed a bit
harder into his groin and it didn't take any more than that. He came in
his pants without so much as a little bit of pressure, something that
hadn't happened to him since puberty.

 Fraser gave a satisfied sigh, relaxed and languid and Ray swallowed and
realized that he was standing in the doorway of Fraser's office, watching
Fraser's post-orgasmic glow. He hastily turned around and moved as quietly
as he could towards the door. He opened the door without so much as a
whisper even though his hands were shaking so badly that he needed two
tries to pry it open and then he was outside again and leaning his back
against the door. 

 His jeans felt disgusting, all cold and clammy and he still had to drive
home and he still didn't know what the fuck had just happened?! Ray
arrived at his apartment and the first thing he did was change into clean
clothes. He looked shocked at his soiled underwear, it just wasn't
possible. 

 The post-sex haze was finally catching up with him, though, which
thankfully kept the freak out away. He just felt boneless and way too damn
good to be really concerned at the moment and he mostly felt thankful that
apparently Fraser had been right and it was a temporary thing so that he
got into bed and under the covers and decided to save the thinking for the
next morning. 

 Ray woke up feeling rested and relaxed. He stretched languidly. Maybe he
had dreamt yesterday? But his blue boxer shorts were still on top of the
laundry basket which meant that it must have been real. Fraser had told
him something about nerves being triggered by the need to mirror something
you saw, maybe that's what had happened to him? He had seen Fraser and his
body had finally remembered what it had to do to get a boner? 

 Emboldened by his latest victory he pushed his shorts down and closed his
fist around his cock. He gave a few experimental pulls only to realize
that it wasn't doing any good. He frowned. Ray could still remember how
hard he had been yesterday, how freakin' hot he had felt and how his cock
had pulsed. It was less than 12 hours later? 

 Disgusted with himself he pulled his hand away again and pulled his
shorts back up again. He went to the bathroom to grab a shower and while
the water was pounding down his back he tried to make sense of it.

 There was one thing he could try, he mused. Except that it was wrong and
not possible and he would never be able to look Fraser in the eye again...
but what if... it could work. He had tried anything else, why not try a
new fantasy... he didn't want to give it a number because that would mean
it was just another one in a long line of fantasies but this was something
else, couldn't really measure stuff like that with the same yardstick. 

 Okay... so, fantasizing about Fraser, huh? He closed his eyes and tried
to recall the scene from last night in as much detail as he could muster.
Ray blushed. This was wrong on so many levels... and maybe his cock had a
new kink for forbidden stuff but it definitely took an interest in the
matter.

 It wasn't all that impressive and certainly nothing compared to last
night... well, it wasn't even enough to really finish it but there was a
reaction, a definite I-am-taking-interest-in-this-scenario. Ray let his
hand fall to his side and squeezed his eyes more tightly shut. What did
that mean? Was it possible to experience something like a gay awakening?
He almost laughed it sounded so stupid. 

 Before he started to wrinkle he got out of the shower. Now what? There
was no way in hell that he was going to a gay porn theater to figure out
what was wrong with his dick. 

 He sighed... The internet was for and so on, he was single he knew all
the advantages of the telecommunication industry of the 21st century. Ray
had just never thought that some poor jerk sitting in his office and
skimming through internet log files or however those guys figured what you
did on the internet would suddenly discover that Ray had, after 37 years
of relatively common porn scenarios, developed a taste for gay porn on
Sunday afternoons. 

 To Ray's intense relief he didn't appear to be a newly converted queen,
though. It didn't squick him and he had tried his own fair share of anal
sex back when Stella had still considered it daring and dirty, so no, Ray
was fine with the whole gay sex issue, but it didn't turn his crank either
to watch two men fuck each other. 

 Maybe there really was something to Fraser's mirror-neurons or whatever
the fuck he had been talking about exactly. Well, Ray supposed that he
could try to pick up some random chick; he certainly knew enough shady
bars for it. 

 He grimaced. He couldn't honestly imagine taking a girl home with him
only to discover then that his newest theory needed some adjustments. Not
getting it up on your own was embarrassing; not being able to perform with
someone else in bed was beyond mortifying. Plus, it had been like forever
that he had really tried to pick anyone up anyway and he felt a bit funny
just thinking about it.

 To be honest he couldn't imagine experimenting with some stranger, it was
just too embarrassing and he would have to explain and that would make him
the biggest loser of all time and he just couldn't face that. Well, he
couldn't really ask Stella. Not anymore, not since they were quits for
good and Ray even felt okay with that. 

 Ray sighed. Sunday evening came and went and Ray had tried to prepare
himself for seeing Fraser on Monday and even though he talked a bit more
and a bit faster than was strictly necessary on their ride to the station
he thought he did quite well. He only had to focus on not thinking about
Saturday night. 

 But mostly Fraser was such a good friend that Ray didn't even have to try
all that hard to see the guy before he saw the wank material. Still, Ray
couldn't completely resist studying him. He noticed that Fraser actually
had a gorgeous mouth, really perfect lips every woman would kill for and
then Fraser did the teeth thing he always did when he debated if he should
come out and say something and Ray had to fiddle with the notes on his
desk to keep from staring. 

 By now Fraser was thankfully used to Ray's distressed behavior and didn't
seem particularly surprised by it. 

 There was only one more problem to Ray's situation. By the end of his
shift on Tuesday he was even more on edge than the last few weeks. You
see, the only time he had gotten some release those last three weeks had
been when he had stumbled over Fraser wanking and now there didn't seem to
be a single thing that could make him come. 

 So Ray was getting all these weird ideas in his head that maybe if he
could watch Fraser again he might be able to get off again, too. He felt
bad about it but not as much as he was desperate for some release. Ray
couldn't remember ever feeling so tense. The question was how was he
supposed to manage that? 

 It wasn't as if he could just ask Fraser. What was he supposed to do,
break into the consulate night after night in the hope to catch Fraser at
it? The scary part was that this idea didn't sound as bad as it should
have anymore. 

 Tuesday dragged into Wednesday which morphed into Thursday and Ray had
all but given up on his plan. There was just no way and all in all he felt
really bad trying to turn Fraser into just another wank fantasy. But,
yeah, he was pretty hyped up and he couldn't stop thinking about sex and
he was probably about ready to kill Fraser with all his talk but he
couldn't help it, anything looked sexual and anyone around Ray seemed to
be having sex but him.

 He didn't really have any intention of embarrassing Fraser when he
pointed towards the screwing rabbits near Soldiers Field or when he
remembered some weird tantric position he had read about in one of
Fraser's books and how the oddest stuff was supposed to have aphrodisiacal
properties. 

 Maybe it was the heat cuz it really was way too damn hot for a day in
early June and Ray felt like his shirt was plastered to his body and that
even his hair wilted in the heat. Thing was, jerking off was like Ray's
number one method to release some steam, it was like his favorite
leisure-time hobby and it was now close to one month that he had a proper
wank (not counting that one night in Fraser's office because he still
wasn't sure where he should put that). 

 So Ray had probably not even really noticed how hard he was making this
on Fraser who was more of a private guy and never really talked about sex
or related stuff and was only trying to help. This is really the only
explanation Ray got. Maybe his subconscious was more of a plotting devil
than he had given it credit for.

 But doing all the foot work on one of the hottest days the year had seen
so far was really a bit more trying than necessary. When they finally
called it a day Ray had suggested that they get into fresh clothes at his
apartment and look for some dinner afterwards. 

 Ray had been a gracious host so Fraser got dips on the first shower and
the wolf got a bowl of water in the kitchen and Ray was in his bedroom
looking for something else to wear when he noticed the stack of fresh
towels still in the laundry basket. Damn, he had completely forgotten
about those.

 And he wasn't thinking, not about Fraser in the shower anyway, he was
busy deciding on what he might want to eat later, so he had just grabbed
one of the towels and marched down the hall and opened the door to the
bathroom to deposit a towel on the toilet for Fraser.

 Of course he should have knocked. He should've just left the towel in
front of the door but Fraser had never made a big deal about privacy in
the bathroom and Ray wasn't thinking, especially since he was so busy not
to think about anything those last few weeks and he hadn't even expected
to see anything. 

 And now he stood frozen on the spot right in the open door and Fraser was
behind the shower curtain with his back to him and steam rose from the
bathtub and Ray only saw Fraser's shadow but he saw his stance and the way
his hand moved between his legs and he was making those soft noises again,
not quite as muffled as last time and Ray's brain helpfully supplied him
with the idea that he probably thought the water was covering most of his
moans. 

 And Ray was suddenly breathless and needy and his cock was straining
inside his jeans, trying to jump into Ray's hand and Ray took a step
backwards and closed the door shut with a soft snick, the towel fell to
the ground right in front of the bathroom door and Ray pulled his cock out
with lightening speed. He pressed one hand flat against the surface of the
door and pulled in fast, greedy strokes on his cock. 

 He needed, god, he needed so much, and he could still hear Fraser moaning
in his ear and he bit down on his lip, his hand was moving in a blur and
he was so close, so fucking close and he imagined the water flowing down
Fraser's strong body and the way his face had looked back at his office
when he came and Ray gnashed his teeth and came with a grunt and he heard
the splatter of his come hitting the bathroom door in front of him with
the force of it but he didn't care, he felt so limp with gratitude. 

 With shaking legs Ray tried to do his fly up again. He collected the
towel from the floor and mopped at the mess on the door, it wasn't even so
bad, most of it had been on Ray's hand anyway and he walked back into his
bedroom and threw the towel on the pile for washing and got a new one for
Fraser. 

 He waited for another minute, sitting on his bed and catching his breath
before he tried to get up again. He knocked on the bathroom door and
shouted "Fraser, I got you a towel, I leave it in front of the door, kay?"
Ray imagined Fraser sounded a bit breathless when he replied "Thank you,
Ray." But that could have been wishful thinking.

 He didn't even look when he heard the `snick' of the bathroom door and
Fraser emerged to get the towel. Instead he busied himself with cleaning
up his bedroom; putting things on their proper shelves in the closet and
picking up lose socks from the floor and throwing them on the laundry
pile, too. Ray tried to ignore the congealed feeling in his boxer shorts.
Fraser came out of the bathroom a few minutes later.

 "Ray, I'm sorry it took so long. I have to admit under the heat a simple
shower really does wonders." Ray wanted to snap at him that he didn't have
to lie to him just because he could jerk off whenever he wanted to but
wisely refrained from doing so. "Yeah, sure, Fraser." He mumbled and
closed the bathroom door behind him. 

 What was wrong with him? He couldn't get it up neither for fame nor money
but the moment Fraser was having a good time his cock decided he needed to
join in on the action?

 He was doomed, that's what it meant. There was no sex for him ever again
if his cock could only get hot and bothered over a Canadian Mountie... and
not any Mountie either for that matter. Course it had to be the one and
only guy Ray could rely on, the one he actually needed to be his friend.

 Ray was quiet and distracted at dinner and Fraser was slightly surprised
because there had been no indication that Ray's mood was sinking until
they had reached his apartment. But Fraser was about to realize over the
next few days that this was only the first day of many where Ray was
despondent and self-conscious. 

 By the time they met for a nice stroll along the waterfront on Sunday
Fraser could detect the first signs of sleep deprivation on Ray's face.
The dark circles weren't yet terribly distinguished but they were there.

 Fraser was really starting to get worried. He had felt for Ray those last
few weeks but Ray had seemed to cope with it and Fraser had felt confident
that whatever the reason was it would sooner or later vanish. It didn't
look as if Fraser's optimistic outlook was coming true after all. 

 Ray started to lack concentration at work and seemed lost in thought for
hours on end and as far as Fraser could determine Ray seemed intent on
isolating himself further from social contact... even from him and that
hurt more than Fraser could say. 

 He didn't want to put a name on it but by Wednesday Fraser had to admit
that Ray was displaying most of the signs of a clinical depression. Fraser
had had another idea that might help Ray but he had been unsure how Ray
would take it. Now, it seemed as if he didn't have any choice. 

 Fraser could understand Ray's feelings, Ray was such a physical being,
and he was always touching and experiencing everything with his whole
body. Fraser had always considered Ray an exceptionally sensual man. Not
being able to express this...part... of him seemed to destroy an essential
bit of his personality. 

 Thursday came and Ray wasn't sure how much longer he could survive this.
Not getting an erection was bad enough in itself but knowing that the only
one able to give you one is your best friend just... sucked. 

 He didn't want to be alone because when he was he thought too much and
then he felt even worse than before but he couldn't hang around Fraser
because that was just about killing him. 

 He was so oversexed he couldn't stop thinking back to that time in the
shower, or the consulate and then he felt even more godawful because this
was Fraser and he deserved better and Ray couldn't look in his face or
touch his arm or any of those things when he was always afraid that some
of it would show on his face. 

 And it appeared to be getting worse. Ray had been lost in thought this
morning and Fraser had placed his hand on Ray's arm in a comforting
gesture, showing with everything he had that he was worried about Ray and
Ray had to close his eyes because that touch had felt so damn good and he
was craving an outlet and he couldn't sleep anymore because first he
couldn't fall asleep and when he finally did he had weird dreams in which
Fraser found out about him and wanted nothing more to do with him and the
last two nights his own sobs had woken him up and he just couldn't take it
anymore.

 Fraser was the only thing that had made the last weeks bearable and now
Fraser was the one thing that was killing him and he was so tired and he
felt on overload and he couldn't do anything about it because he didn't
trust himself to just touch Fraser as a friend would because he wasn't
sure if he could stop... he was exhausted.

 On Friday at the end of their shift Ray was close to tears from sheer
frustration and lack of sleep and he was trying so hard and he wasn't
getting anywhere and the weekend should've been an improvement but that
only meant two days without the slightest bit of distraction and even more
time he could spend staring accusingly at his bed. 

 "Ray." Fraser stood behind him and said his name gently and Ray had to
close his eyes because it was all too damn much. "Let me drive, you are in
no condition to do it yourself." 

 Still, oh so understanding even though Ray had been a jerk all week,
bitchy and irritable and Fraser was still so patient with him. Ray knew
that Fraser was right. He didn't want to sit in the car with him, all
alone and with no distraction but there was no way that he would make it
home in one piece.

 He handed his keys to Fraser in defeat. "Thank you, Fraser." He said
quietly. Fraser just smiled at him.

 They drove to Ray's apartment and Fraser was prattling on about god knew
what and Ray tried to sit still and not break down before he was behind
closed doors.

 At Ray's door Fraser made no move to say goodbye so Ray resigned himself
to another hour at least in which Fraser made sure that Ray would survive
his own company and could therefore be left alone. 

 Ray dropped down onto the couch and Fraser went to the fridge and got a
beer out for him. Ray looked up in surprise, usually Fraser tried to force
some sort of tea down his throat. "Relax, Ray." He said with a small smile
and Ray was close to tears again because he thought `I can't, damn it, I
can't, if I let go just an inch, then,...then..." and he couldn't even
finish his thought but he took the beer gratefully and took a long pull. 

 "Do you mind if I took a moment to change, Ray?" Ray shook his head. "I'd
rather spend my evening in an unofficial capacity." And he hoped that it
would ease Ray a bit if he didn't appear as distanced as his uniform
always made him feel. Fraser collected the bag he had brought with him to
the station this morning and went into the bathroom. Wearing jeans and a
simple T-Shirt already felt much better. 

 He sat down next to Ray and waited for Ray to speak. But Ray was as quiet
as he had been over the whole week so Fraser cleared his throat. "It isn't
getting any better, is it, Ray?" Ray just shook his head again, not
trusting his voice. "Have you considered, I mean do you... that is-"
Fraser fumbled. That got a slightly amused smile from Ray.

 "Spit it out, Fraser." "I understand that you are averse to therapy
but... have you thought about, uh... professional, ah, help in another
capacity?" Ray frowned for a moment trying to translate Fraserish into
English. "Professional? Fraser, are you honestly suggesting I'd hire a
hooker?" Ray sounded scandalized and Fraser wasn't sure if that was
because of the idea itself or because the idea had come from him.

 "Ah, that is, I had thought more along the lines of a" he cracked his
neck and rubbed his eyebrow. Now he really had Ray's attention `cause that
was like the whole package, now that idea Ray got to hear.

 "An... erotic massage therapist. I- I came across an article a week ago
where it was recommended for, well it was advertized for people with
problems to feel comfortable in their own skin, however, I thought that
under the circumstances it might be worth a try." 

 Fraser was bright red by the time he finished. Ray looked shocked which
was for the most part simply because he hadn't expected it to be a turn on
to hear Fraser utter the word `erotic' but he figured he was already so
far down he couldn't possibly sink any lower. 

 And yes, he had thought about it and if it might help, bringing his whole
mirror theory back to the front. There was only one problem with it.

 "Fraser, it's... it's not that this is a bad idea. But, see, I'm kinda...
because I feel... uh... " he sighed and tried again. "I don't think I
could survive it if it didn't work... and you know, there's this strange
therapist and she's kinda expecting something and nothing happens and... "
Ray blushed as well. 

 Fraser was silent for a long time and Ray thought he looked as if he was
trying to say something but maybe he got it wrong and Fraser just didn't
know what else to say. 

 But Fraser turned even redder and tried to loosen his collar with his
finger and that got Ray's suspicions up again.

 "Ah, do you think... that is--would it help if you knew the--the person?"
Ray thought that he knew where this was going for this sounded like a lot
of the teenage movies and this was quite often the way the first kiss
happened but Ray was so far gone he didn't trust his own instincts
anymore. 

 "Fraser, I don't know anyone who is able to give a decent massage... and
you are the only one who knows about my... you know, problem." Fraser
looked stricken but he forced himself to explain anyway. 

 "I know a few techniques." He said quietly, his voice not a hundred
percent even but he looked Ray straight in the eye and tried to convey
that it was alright, that he wasn't scared. That really took guts. Ray
looked stunned. He stared at Fraser for such a long time that Fraser
started to rub his eyebrow again.

 "Unless of course you wouldn't feel comfortable because I would
understand and I--" Ray was shaking his head. "No, Fraser. That's not
it... you would really do that?" Fraser nodded. 

 And Ray saw a million warning signs flash before his eyes and every fiber
of his being knew that this was an exceptionally bad idea but he ached,
and he needed just so much and he wanted so badly to find some release and
he was at the end of his rope and Fraser was just sitting there trying to
look all composed and as if he offered massages to other people all the
time and Ray swallowed. And then he nodded.

 "Okay." He whispered. And then again a bit more firmly, "Okay, then."
Fraser simply nodded again and tried to channel his inner teacher or inner
medicine man or whomever Fraser called when he needed to be all
professional and clinical about something. 

 "Would you like me to try it now, Ray?" Ray raised desperate eyes to
Fraser. Fraser almost flinched just from looking at him. "I-yes." Ray said
quietly. "Good." Fraser said more heartily than he felt but trying for Ray
to sound as nonchalant as possible. He didn't want to scare Ray and this
was no time for what he wanted.

 "Ah, why don't you get rid of the shirt and your...jeans... and then you
can get comfortable. It is probably advisable to move to your bedroom,
Ray. Your couch simply isn't long enough." There, all matter of fact, all
steady and Fraser was rather proud of himself.

 Ray nodded again but he didn't look at all sure about this. He moved to
the bedroom and once there stripped off his shirt. He hesitated a second
before his hand went to his pants and he pushed them down his legs almost
defiantly. He stood unsure in front of the bed, his arms crossed in front
of him, trying to cover as much as possible.

 "Ray, why don't you lie down on your stomach? I'll just need a second."
He willed his voice to sound warm and reassuring and maybe it helped, for
Ray lay down without another word.

 Fraser went to the lamp on the bedside table to switch that one on
instead of the glaring ceiling lighting. Fraser looked through the drawers
in Ray's bathroom cabinet but couldn't find anything better than body
lotion to use for massage oil.

 He came back into the bedroom where Ray was still lying quietly in the
middle of the bed. "Ray, do you happen to possess some kind of body oil?
Lotion would work as an emergency option but it would be a whole lot more
comfortable with oil." He saw the blush creeping up Ray's neck but he
reached out and opened his bedside drawer to pull out a bottle of baby
oil. 

 Fraser tried not to connect the oil with its spot next to Ray's bed.
Instead he simply took the few steps forward to take the bottle from Ray's
fingers. "Ray, it's alright. I assure you everything is fine." Ray visibly
tried to relax. Fraser looked around and found the bed sheet at the end of
the bed. He picked it up and draped it over Ray's bottom half which seemed
to ease him further.

 Fraser sat down next to Ray and tried to cover the deep breath he took
with the sounds of opening the bottle and pouring some of the oil into his
palm.

 He rubbed his palms carefully, warming the oil before he reached over to
where Ray lay. He started with a simple rub of Ray's shoulders, more or
less just working the oil into the skin without even really kneading him.
Ray was so tense Fraser wasn't sure if they were going to accomplish
anything here.

 He moved his hands over all of Ray's back and when everything was
glistening with the oil in the light of the lamp he started to work on all
the knots in Ray's back. 

 Ray was afraid to breathe. He was afraid to move and he was a helluva lot
afraid of letting go. Sexual frustration was easy, relaxing was the hard
part. 

 He wasn't exactly sure what he was afraid of. In some way he was afraid
that it wouldn't work, that whatever had gotten him off when he had
watched Fraser getting it on wasn't working anymore or wasn't connected
with Fraser's touch or something. Now, the possibility that it might work
- and Ray deeply believed that it would, everything always worked in
Fraser's favor - that scared him shitless. 

 How could they ever untangle what they had started with this massage
business? What was supposed to happen? Should Ray simply say "Fraser, my
very good friend, I have substantial evidence that the administration of
your therapeutic touch had the desired effect. It seems I am indeed the
proud owner of one remarkably fine erection, thank you kindly. Now, what
would you like for dinner, my treat of course?" He almost snorted into his
pillow just thinking it. 

 "I'm glad this amuses you." Fraser said in a warm tone. He didn't sound
annoyed, sounded more like relieved, come to think of it. And yeah, Fraser
had been pretty worried about him and Ray had felt bad because of it but
Fraser was like cause and effect in the same body and that just didn't
help Ray any... which was exactly why Ray shouldn't have Fraser's hands
roaming all over his body now. But Ray really had to admit that this was a
fine set of magic fingers Fraser owned there. 

 They worked on his shoulders and on that bit of skin right between his
shoulder blades and when they moved down in a kneading motion Ray couldn't
suppress a moan of gratitude. God, he hadn't realized how much his back
hurt.

 "Good?" Fraser asked quietly, still in that tone as warm as honey.
"Mh-hm." Ray sighed languidly. Fraser smiled and worked his way up Ray's
other side. 

 He hadn't thought how apt his comparison to a flower had been when he had
tried to teach Ray to swim. His body was indeed very much like a flower,
it soaked up his touch as if it hadn't seen the sun for years. Well, of
course, Fraser chided himself, Ray's body hadn't gotten any close physical
contact over the last month; this was the whole point of the exercise.

 His fingers gripped Ray at the nape and kneaded the strong muscle there.
Ray tried to smother another moan in his pillow. 

 Fraser was absurdly glad that because of the oil Ray would never notice
that his hands were starting to sweat. He had known what he would risk
when he offered to do this for Ray but it was one thing to theorize about
something and quite another to actually experience it. 

 Ray's body was like a map, it was so easy to follow its directions, to
the spots where Ray hid the hurt and the stress and the pain and to make
them relax. Ray's skin was warm and smooth and Fraser had never seen
anything as enticing. 

 Ray felt like mush, he had honest to god never felt so wonderful in all
his life. He just floated around on a wave of goodness and it was such a
long time that anyone had touched him with such attentiveness, such care
and thoroughness it was... greatness. 

 Fraser had no idea how much time had elapsed since he had started
touching Ray and it didn't matter to him because he had no intention of
stopping, ever again. There wasn't a single knot left and Ray was pliant
and relaxed underneath him and he tried to swallow as quietly as possible.


 Now for the... therapeutic... part of this undertaking. Oh dear, what had
he gotten himself into? His touch deftly changed from kneading to
caressing, searching for all the spots on Ray's body that brought forth
pleasure. It wasn't exactly a complicated search; Ray seemed to consist
mostly of sweet spots. 

 Skimming down his sides, left and right at the same time and only
stopping when he reached the sheet and then the same travel up again drew
a soft whimper from Ray's lips. 

 Fraser pressed the heels of his hands right at the base of Ray's spine
and Ray gasped, Fraser's fingernails scratched softly upwards, following
Ray's spine and Ray gave a low, drawn out moan. Fraser wet his lips, this
was harder than he had imagined. 

 Ray felt hot. He had been on a nice little pleasure cloud and then touch
after touch arousal had added to the mix, Ray knew his cheeks were flaming
but he couldn't keep those noises in. It was all he could do not to scream
into the touch. 

 He shifted his hips; this was starting to get uncomfortable. Fraser's
touch wavered for a second before it continued its tantalizing journey
over Ray's heated flesh. God, this was so good... he rocked slightly with
his hips - completely unintended it was like flesh memory or something. 

 Fraser tried to calm his heart beat by breathing through his nose but
that only enforced the smell of Ray's arousal. He didn't have to ask if
they had achieved their goal, Ray's hips did the talking beautifully. The
only thing he wasn't sure of was what he was supposed to do now? 

 God knew he was affected enough but Ray would probably want some privacy
and Fraser, he gulped, he could go into the bathroom and take care of his
need, he could do that. His hands were shaking ever so slightly he was so
turned on.

 Ray gasped hotly against his pillow, Fraser's hands were pressing against
the base of his spine again, as if there were holding him down, as if they
were having... Ray moaned at the picture. God, this might be exactly the
way Fraser would grip him when he entered him like that... and it finally
registered through the haze, that his cock was wetly rubbing against the
bedding and that he couldn't keep his hips still, but Fraser was still
touching him and he needed, god, he couldn't let Fraser do that, but...
oh, he wanted so damn much... but... 

 Ray willed his last brain cell to form a coherent sentence, he was so
blissed out, he didn't mind at all if this went on forever, and ever,
and... another moan escaped his lips and he could hear the soft intake of
breath from Fraser.

 His skin was so hot he felt the flush over the whole of his body. He knew
that little beads of sweat were mixing with the oil on his skin and gods,
Fraser could probably smell that and... he tried to stop rubbing against
the sheet but he couldn't seem to find the right bundle of nerves to
accomplish that but his one lonely brain cell seemed to remember what he
had willed her to do eons ago...

 "S-stop..." It was hardly more than a hoarse whisper but Fraser's hands
stilled immediately. Ray tried to turn around and look at Fraser, but god,
it was so hard to focus and all he could see were Fraser's perfect lips
and he wanted to kiss them and, no, this was all wrong, he wanted to say
something... and now, what had he tried to say? "You can't Fraser..." he
tried to talk around his tongue that seemed to be too big to fit into his
mouth and his whole head felt like cotton, "You don't have to, Fraser." 

 And then he couldn't seem to stop saying his name, "god, Fraser...
Fraser..." and he was looking at those lips again and he tried to look at
Fraser's face and suddenly there were those blue, blue eyes and they
looked smoky and beautiful and Ray gave a soft gasp, "I need..." but it
was too much and too big to put it in one sentence and Ray's cock felt
nice against the bed, just a bit of friction, damn it, he should stop
this... but....

 Fraser was mesmerized. Ray had looked at him with those eyes dilated with
want, they were almost all pupil and Ray stared unfocused at Fraser's
mouth, his lips slightly parted and then Fraser heard that voice, almost
at the point of cracking with need and Ray's throat worked frantically,
trying to produce words and yet he couldn't keep his hips still and his
eyes went unfocused again. Fraser had never seen anything so breathtaking
in all his life.

 "Ray," he whispered, "it's alright, it's okay. I want to... I need to..."
As if in trance Fraser reached one hand around Ray, cupping his groin
where Ray was trying to hump the mattress and Ray looked down in wonder at
Fraser's hand over his shorts and he gave another thrust of the hips and
rubbed his cock right against Fraser's hand and he gave a sound almost
like a sob and whispered again "Fraser" and rocked his hips again and
Fraser bent forward, pressing his lips to Ray's spine and murmured against
his skin, "it's alright, Ray. Let go." 

 And Ray gave a scream and came, Fraser felt his cock pulse against his
hand and felt the wetness seep through the soft cotton of Ray's shorts.
Ray simply collapsed on the mattress. 

 Fraser sat there frozen in shock. What had he done? Every frantic breath
he took brought the scent of Ray's come with it and made him painfully
aware of the pulsing of his own neglected erection and once Ray regained
consciousness this was all going downhill. 

 This wasn't what he had intended, it was supposed to be about Ray and now
Ray would never be able to look him in the eye again and-- Ray turned
around to look at Fraser and Fraser's breath caught, it was still the same
needy look on Ray's face... as if his climax had only whetted his
appetite. 

 Ray's post-coital haze seemed to make him all the greedier. He looked at
Fraser's lips as if he was about to starve and then his gaze travelled
down and when those eyes hit upon his straining erection his eyes flew up
again, a smoldering look directed at Fraser and Fraser tried to open his
mouth, to explain about the body's tendency to react to the desire of
others but he never got round to it. 

 Ray's brain was running on auto-pilot. It only knew one sentence and that
seemed to be enough, "Fraser touched me, Fraser touched me, Fraser touched
me..., " was running through his head in a merry little tune and Fraser
just sat there, flushed and gasping and Ray's mouth watered at the sight
of Fraser's cock straining against the jeans and that had to hurt but
Fraser wasn't touching himself and those lips were pulled into a shocked
`o' and that got to be an invitation because Ray needed it to be and he
couldn't have stopped his body from moving for all the restraints in the
world.

 He pushed up and turned around and Fraser was still sitting there looking
shocked and scared and it was the hottest look Ray had ever seen on him
and he had to taste it, he wanted it so bad he could taste it on his
tongue and he didn't care that his underwear felt wet or that Fraser was
still mostly dressed.

 Ray climbed into Fraser's lap and just went for Fraser's lips and they
opened on a quiet whimper but then Ray's tongue pushed in and tried to
taste every bit of Fraser he could find and Fraser moaned into his mouth
and Ray rocked against Fraser and what do you know, after weeks of not
getting an erection this one was back already and Ray rocked forward again
and he bit at Fraser's lips and Fraser was groaning and holding on to
Ray's hips for dear life and when Ray bit the tendon of Fraser's neck and
the pulse he saw beating there Fraser rocked back and Ray gasped. 

 Ray's hands came around Fraser's neck and he was panting into Fraser's
ear and he couldn't remember the last time he had been so horny and when
he moved his hand down between their bodies he felt the heat radiating
from Fraser's erection and he pressed his hand against it and this was so
much after those last weeks, it was just too much and Ray gave a soft
whimper into Fraser's ear, mumbling incoherent stuff, "want this... so
badly, Fraser... god, Fraser, so good... I need... fuck" and he traced
Fraser's ear with his tongue and Fraser gave a growl and pushed Ray flat
onto his back.

 Ray arched his back and raised his hips and Fraser was pulling at his
shorts and flinging them away and then Fraser moved lower and suddenly
Fraser's mouth was wrapped tightly around Ray's cock and Ray's hips surged
in shock, "Fraser, god-- " Ray exclaimed and Fraser gripped the base of
Ray's cock with his hand and swirled his tongue around the head, lapping
at the come from Ray's previous orgasm and Ray started shaking. 

 "Fraser... I... I can't... I..." Fraser felt Ray's cock bob in his hand
and looked at Ray in astonishment. Was he that close already? And Fraser
just swallowed him down and Ray cried out and Fraser thrust against the
mattress and he came up for air again and the tremor was now bad enough to
shake Ray's thighs, his hands were fisted into the sheets and he was
panting for breath. 

 Fraser went down on him again, taking him in as far as he could and then
he hummed and that was all she wrote, Ray came again with a cry and Fraser
rocked one last time against the bed and came with a grunt as well,
swallowing around Ray's cock and Ray moaned again before Fraser finally
released him carefully. 

 Fraser's panic from before came back and he was already thinking about
the best excuse to leave this instant or better, they should talk about
it, they couldn't leave things like that and pretend it never happened,
they needed to--he didn't get any further before Ray's hand reached down
to entangle in his hair. "Come here." Ray slurred, giving his hair a soft
tug. Fraser got on his knees to move the short distance towards the
headboard and winced. Coming inside his pants wasn't something Fraser
tried to achieve on a regular basis. 

 Ray smiled softly at Fraser's dismayed expression. "Get out of the mess
and then get down here, stay." He was still smiling the smile of the sated
and Fraser had a hard time even imagining a downside to this offer. The
rational part of his brain said that they should talk about this and then
he should leave but the self-indulgent part - the one he only rarely
entertained - whispered that Ray wasn't in any condition to discuss
anything now anyway. 

 He started to undress and, indeed, Ray was drifting off to sleep while he
watched him. Fraser took a second in the bathroom, cleaning up as best as
he could before he sidled in to bed next to Ray. He seriously hoped that
Ray would still remember his wish that he stay the next morning.

 Fraser woke to the pleasant sensation of being held. He was confused for
a second before he slowly opened his eyes to confirm his memory. There was
Ray, one arm thrown over his chest, nestled closed and still peacefully
asleep. Ray's burgeoning erection was pressed against his hip and Fraser
was more than a little surprised. Had he not been present over the course
of the last few weeks he wouldn't have believed it possible that Ray had
any problems at all in that area. 

 Fraser didn't dare to move for fear of waking Ray. This was everything he
had ever dreamt of. This was what he had never let himself hope for. And
he was terrified. 

 He couldn't possibly gauge Ray's reaction, it might range from hatred to
self-disgust to neutral politeness to warm acceptance to... no, he wasn't
getting his hopes up. In the worst case they could pretend that it was
nothing more than Ray giving in to his sexual needs and the fact that
Fraser had simply reacted to Ray's desire and that was it. 

 If Ray didn't throw a fit and accused him of taking advantage and never
wanted to see him again. What if Fraser had ruined everything by trying to
help? 

 Ray's hip moved softly against his and a soft sigh formed on Ray's lips
in time to the fluttering of his eyelids. Fraser swallowed, this was it.
Ray's hand around him tightened a bit and Ray pressed his groin a bit more
against Fraser's hips. Fraser lay there frozen, too afraid to do anything,
really, because he feared that everything he did might be the wrong move. 

 But Ray seemed in no hurry to wake up fully. He was softly rubbing
against Fraser, uttering those breathy moans with every breath he
released, and then his tongue crept out to wet his lips and finally his
eyelids moved and opened softly. 

 Fraser held his breath. He looked probably scared stiff but Ray only
smiled when he found out who he was holding.

 "Fraser..." he breathed and rubbed his groin against Fraser's hip again.
Ray's eyes were filled with want again, dark and full of heat and Fraser
gulped. He wasn't sure if Ray was really awake. 

 But Ray closed his eyes for a moment and released a shuddering breath and
when he opened his eyes again Fraser gasped at the raw need he found
there, Ray was open like a book at that moment and when he uttered his
name again in a quiet plea Fraser was compelled to move. 

 It was beyond the possible strength of any human being to resist this
man. Fraser nodded and reached down to grip Ray's cock and Ray tried to
get closer, to climb him like a tree and he was moaning in Fraser's ear
and Fraser moved his hand down on Ray's cock once, twice before Ray heaved
himself on his elbows and climbed on top of Fraser. 

 His jaw was slack with desire and Fraser couldn't help the surge of lust
at this picture of debauchery. He moved his hand slowly, flicking his
thumb over the head and Ray cried out. He reached down with one shuddering
hand to grip Fraser's cock, trying to match his pulls to Fraser's rhythm.

 Ray's eyes were closed but his breath was hot on Fraser's face and he was
still moaning and Fraser was gasping in time with Ray's pulls and then Ray
looked at him with this hazy look in his eyes, and his hand started to
speed up so Fraser tried to match him but a shudder wrecked Ray and Ray
closed his eyes tight again and forced out "Don't... don't, Fraser." 

 He bit his lips and Fraser was nodding and moving into Ray's touch,
trying to keep his own hand slow and even and Ray's mouth opened on a moan
and he whispered "'m too close..." and he opened those beautiful eyes
again and Fraser heaved and came with a shout. 

 And Ray seemed to have waited for him because the moment Fraser felt his
orgasm rip through him he felt Ray's cum splatter across his belly and a
moment later he felt Ray's arms shaking with the effort to hold himself
up.

 Fraser reached for him and pulled him against him. "Shh..." he murmured
into Ray's ear, easing him through the aftershock of his orgasm. And Ray
couldn't seem to stop shaking, small quivers that ran through his light
frame and Fraser was quietly amazed that he could undo Ray so totally.

 They must have dozed off for a little while because the light was
different when Fraser opened his eyes the next time. "We should probably
go and get the wolf. He's gonna be pissed because we left him at the
consulate." Ray said quietly from the vicinity of his chest.

 So, they weren't going to talk about it. Fraser felt almost disappointed.
He wanted nothing more than to know where they stood... and what Ray
thought about this newest development. 

 He wouldn't have initiated anything if this wasn't what he wanted, right?
And Fraser hadn't made any sexual advances this morning; this had been
Ray's choice. But Ray had been starved for contact and Fraser had been the
only option... maybe he was simply a convenience. And none of this meant
that it was going to happen again.

 But Ray wanted to spend his afternoon with him so at least his worst
fears weren't coming true...yet. He cleared his throat. "Ah, yes, Ray. He
would surely appreciate it." Ray yawned. "You wanna grab the first shower?
`m gonna clean up here a bit." He wrinkled his nose in disgust at the
soiled sheets. 

 "Thank you, Ray." But he couldn't deny that it felt hollow, this
impression that Ray wanted to get rid of all evidence of their... shared
intimacy as quickly as possible. Ray sat up and Fraser followed suit,
trying to locate his clothes from the night before. Well, his underwear
was ruined, so he had to do without. He found his jeans and his t-shirt on
the chair near the door and covered himself with those on his way to the
bathroom. 

 The cold light of the morning made everything look unreal, as if they
hadn't shared all those heated kisses and feverish touches just a few
hours ago. 

 When he emerged from the shower Ray had already put fresh sheets on the
bed and had taken the rest of the wash downstairs to the laundry room.
There was tea waiting for Fraser on the table and a few slices of toast. 

 Ray smiled shyly at him and ducked into the bathroom. An hour later and
they were on their way to the consulate. Ray tried his best to pretend
that nothing had happened so Fraser imitated him. And even though the talk
sounded a bit stilted to Fraser's own ears he was relieved to see that Ray
was mostly back to his usual self.

 He seemed a bit embarrassed and more than a little unsure of himself but
otherwise he appeared to be relaxed, almost happy and the good night sleep
had reduced the dark circles around Ray's eyes.

 They arrived at the consulate and Fraser excused himself for a second to
change into fresh clothes. That left Ray alone with 70 pounds of
disgruntled wolf. Ray had tried to explain it but Dief had made it
abundantly clear that he found Ray's stammering hilarious so Ray had
decided not to elaborate.

 Ray felt... he wasn't even sure himself. He had no idea what had
possessed Fraser to go along with this. Not only yesterday night but again
this morning. It looked as if he was really into this but Ray wasn't sure,
Fraser had done a real good impression of a petrified statue this morning
before things got rolling... he had seemed eager enough then, though.

 Sheesh... with Fraser it could even be possible that he only did this to
help him. Noble, self- sacrificing Mountie and all that stuff. But not
even Fraser would go that far, right? That was, what's the word? Stupid. 

 And you couldn't fake a hard-on and Fraser had sported some damn
convincing wood there. Although... well, didn't take much for morning wood
and yesterday might have just been the heat of the moment... Shit... Ray
had no idea. He just knew that he didn't want to stop.

 He didn't know if it was the long time he had gone without or if it was
something about Fraser's touch but he had never been this sensitive to
someone else's touch and he couldn't even remember if he had been this
turned on ever before in his life the way he had been with Fraser
yesterday or this morning. 

 This was like the total eye opener, like Ray had stumbled around half
blind searching for something that was right in front of his nose. And
because of his - dysfunction- he thought stubbornly - he had finally
realized what he should have realized the day he met him - which he
actually had, come to think of it.

 Fraser was perfect. For him. They were a duet. And it made so much
sense...well, to Ray at least. He wasn't sure if Fraser was as taken with
him as a partner in all possible ways as he was the other way round.

 They took Dief to the waterfront and had hot dogs and sometimes when they
walked Ray brushed his hand against Fraser's. A walk turned into an
afternoon at the park which turned into dinner and it was only when they
left the restaurant that Ray really noticed how restless he felt. 

 He wanted... Fraser. Again and all night if possible. His whole body felt
hot when he thought about it. 

 But Fraser was still talking about the summer climate in Tuktoyaktuk in
comparison to the summers he had spent in Nunavut and it all felt so
normal again that Ray wasn't sure how he should ask for it. He waited for
a pause in Fraser's long, drawn out story before he tried to ask casually.


 "Hey Fraser, do you maybe uh, dunno, want to go back to my place? We
could, uhm, catch a game?" But Fraser saw the way Ray's eyes trailed down
his body when he tried to formulate an activity and he felt short of
breath in all of a second. He wasn't sure if that was only Ray's body
betraying him or if what Ray was showing was what he was actually asking
for. 

 His mouth was dry. Fraser knew his answer before he even tried to get his
tongue to work without any fluids to help. "Yes Ray, I'd like that very
much." Anything, everything. Ray smiled brilliantly at him.

 They had been driving for maybe 5 minutes when Ray incidentally remarked
"Hey, it's Sunday tomorrow." Fraser looked puzzled. "Ah, yes it appears
that way, Ray."

 A slight blush covered Ray's cheeks when he continued. "You don't have
anything to do tomorrow, right?" "No, as you said Ray, since it is indeed
Sunday I don't have any duties." He looked outside and wondered why they
were driving in the direction of the consulate when Ray had offered that
they could spend... oh... it dawned on Fraser then that Ray might be
indeed offering more than a baseball game. 

 "Uhm... you could crash at my place, if you wanted? Just, this way I
could have a beer and you wouldn't have to walk all the way back in the
middle of the night and I, hey, I got a couch so in case you --" "Good
idea, Ray." Fraser interrupted. It seemed that Ray indeed planned to
continue their... tryst. 

 Fraser felt a tight heat coil in his belly. Of course, this didn't have
to mean anything. Ray's libido had been deprived for more than a month it
was perfectly natural that Ray should want to prolong the sexual
gratification Fraser could provide.

 In the end it just didn't matter because Fraser knew that he could not
deny himself the chance to experience Ray as a lover again. Willingly and
eager and oh so open, it was more than Fraser could turn down.

 "I'll just drop you off at the consulate to get a few things then, okay?"
Fraser nodded and was already opening the door when Ray added, "Actually
bring something for the wolf, too. No way will I go and get him first
thing tomorrow morning." Ray flushed darkly and Fraser wondered if that
was because he knew what he had done first thing this morning or because
he had very definite plans for tomorrow morning in particular.
"Understood." 

 He returned a few moments later and Ray took them to his apartment. Once
there they got everything ready for Dief Fraser was silently debating on
the best course of action and finally decided that it would be best if he
took his cues from Ray.

 Ray was twisting his hands in a nervous gesture before he jammed them in
his jeans pockets. "You want anything to drink?" "Water will be fine,
thank you." Ray shrugged and came back with a glass of water and a beer. 

 Fraser had sat down on the couch so Ray sat down next to him and took a
few swigs from his beer. "Uh... well, I'm sure something's on, right?" He
fumbled with the remote and started channel zapping. "Why don't you pick
something, Fraser?" 

 Fraser took the remote from him and went through the channels that were
most likely to broadcast anything to their liking while he was wondering
what Ray was up to. Maybe he had misunderstood? He settled on some
documentary about the Yosemite National Park - mostly because he wanted to
see how long Ray would endure it - but Ray didn't complain. 

 Ray appeared to be restless, he was shifting from his left to his right
and Fraser saw him from the corner of his eye sneaking glances back at
him. Fraser timed his movement and caught Ray staring at him. There it was
again this hot and bothered look on Ray's face. Fraser was startled by the
intensity of it. He looked back towards the screen and a second later Ray
followed suit.

 Not even thirty seconds later Fraser felt Ray's gaze again and looked
back at him. Ray was looking at him with a hunger in his eyes that made
Fraser's spine tingle. Without looking away Ray shifted a bit closer. 

 Fraser let his arm fall between them, stretching his hand a bit in Ray's
direction. Ray looked down at it and moved his own hand a bit closer.
Fraser turned his hand around, palm facing up and waited. It took a second
but Ray's fingers were hesitantly tracing the lines of his palm. 

 Fraser looked into Ray's face again and Ray wet his lips. Fraser moved a
bit closer and his lips parted in anticipation and that was all the
encouragement Ray needed. He flung himself at Fraser, kissing him deeply
and greedily as if he had waited the whole day for this taste. Fraser
thought astonished that maybe Ray had waited the whole day. 

 The moment their lips touched Ray's cock started to harden and Ray moaned
softly against Fraser's lips. Fraser cupped Ray through his jeans and Ray
whimpered. "Let me... I want to... taste you." Fraser's eyes went hot at
Ray's words. Ray moved down to the floor between Fraser's legs and reached
out to open Fraser's jeans. 

 Fraser's cock was already pushing against the zipper and greeted Ray's
hand eagerly. Ray mouthed him through his shorts and Fraser groaned at the
heat of Ray's breath and the bit of teeth that were carefully nibbling at
him through the shorts.

 Ray reached up to pull Fraser's cock out and he looked at it with such a
hungry look on his face that Fraser's breath hitched. Ray leaned in, just
tasting him with the tip of his tongue from head to the root and back up
again. He licked a broad swipe across the head before he breathed hotly on
it, Fraser let his leg splay even wider, giving himself to Ray. 

 Ray took the head into his mouth and sucked gently on it. He released it
again only to start the whole process anew. Ray seemed to have all the
time in the world and it was killing Fraser. "Please... Ray... " he
whispered and Ray gave a soft moan before leaning in again, this time
swallowing him in one go and Fraser cried out, trying to keep his hips
still but Ray pulled back slightly and raked his fingernails over Fraser's
thighs, showing him he could let go. 

 So Fraser did, short stabs, oh so careful and Ray was moaning softly in
the back of his throat and Fraser was so close and Ray sucked harder and
Fraser dared to open his eyes to burn this picture of Ray on his knees in
front of him forever into his memory.

 He saw Ray reaching for his own cock and his hands shot out to prevent
him from touching himself. He pulled Ray's hands back onto his hip. "No,
Ray... don't" and Ray breathed harshly through his nose and his hips
snapped forward on its own accord matching Fraser's own movement. 

 But he couldn't get any friction and he gave a frustrated sound and
swirled his tongue around the head of Fraser's cock on the next inward
stroke and Fraser tried to dislodge Ray's mouth but he wasn't about to be
pulled off, he just sucked harder and Fraser gasped and came into Ray's
mouth and Ray made swallowing sounds and he continued to suck Fraser
softly until he had caught every last drop. 

 Ray pulled back and Fraser softly touched Ray's slightly swollen lips and
they parted instantaneously and nipped at his finger. Ray gave a small
whimper. "Fraser...." And Fraser had never heard anyone say his name with
such urgency.

 Fraser pulled him up and tucked himself away again, he took a second to
hit the off button on the remote before he steered Ray into the bedroom.
He helped Ray out of his clothes and then made quick work of his own. 

 When he looked up again Ray was sprawled on the bed, his cheeks flushed
and panting, and his legs slightly spread. Fraser crawled almost on top of
him and reached over to the nightstand where the bottle of baby oil was
still sitting. He uncapped the top and dribbled a bit of it over Ray's
cock. Ray bit his lip and his hips surged upwards. The oil trickled down
between his legs and Ray moaned hoarsely.

 "Fraser, Fraser please... I need... Fraser... please..." and Fraser
swallowed and nodded and started to rub the oil into the skin of Ray's
dick. Ray's breathing stuttered and Fraser gave a short pull, "god... oh,
god..." Ray moaned. "You're that close again, aren't you, Ray?" And Ray
was nodding frantically, saying "yes, oh god, yes, please... let me come,
please... I need to... yes..." 

 Fraser licked a hot trail around Ray's ear before he whispered hotly. "I
want you to hold on, Ray. Think of work, think of baseball, I don't care,
just don't come." And it was an order and Ray was whimpering again in
despair, all the while Fraser's fingers were busy rubbing Ray's cock and
now and then giving him one long pull. 

 "Anything, Fraser." He gasped breathlessly. Fraser's fingers trailed
lower, behind Ray's balls, his fingers leaving an oily trail and Ray
spread his legs even wider and Fraser murmured appreciatively, inserting
one of his fingers in one sleek move. 

 Ray was so ready, Fraser entered another one easily and Ray was flexing
his hips trying to get some friction for his cock but Fraser had his hands
in a grip shortly above his head. He hadn't planned on adding a third
finger but Ray was almost fucking himself and he was begging for "more,
anything... Fraser... " that Fraser couldn't resist. 

 The third finger was a tighter fit but Ray just pushed back, eager for
more and he panted when he finally had all three inside of him. "Oh god."
Ray said in a strangled voice. Fraser tried to stretch out his fingers
inside and Ray's hips snapped up in one sharp motion. "Fraser." Ray
shouted and a dribble of pre-come trailed down Ray's cock. 

 Fraser tried to reach deeper, looking for that one spot that would result
in-- "Argh, oh god... " Ray gasped, "fuck... do that again" so Fraser
brushed that spot again and Ray's hips came off the bed again and he
moaned loudly.

 Fraser let go of Ray's hands and crouched down a bit. Ray was shaking and
his breath was coming in pants. Fraser leaned forward and took the head of
Ray's cock into his mouth, Ray rocked back on Fraser's fingers and he was
gone, screaming hoarsely and shooting down Fraser's throat, trying to
imbed Fraser's fingers even deeper. 

 When Ray's cock stopped twitching, Fraser carefully removed his fingers
and looked at Ray. Ray's eyes were closed and his lips were still parted,
he lay down next to him and embraced him and Ray just melted into him. He
kissed him softly, deeply and in between he heard Ray murmur "oh god...
Fraser... so good... so, so good..." Fraser smiled gently and continued to
kiss Ray who opened his mouth with an eagerness that was killing Fraser.

 Fraser pulled the cover over them and switched off the light. He pulled
Ray against him and listened to Ray's even breathing. He could almost make
himself believe that Ray wanted to do this with him specifically and no
one else but they hadn't talked about Ray's recovery and that his body was
more than in working order.

 At least Ray chose to rediscover his sexual pleasure with Fraser. Now
that he knew that he simply needed another human touch he could easily go
and look for someone else. But he had wanted Fraser to come back with him.


 The next morning Fraser wasn't as surprised to find Ray nestled against
his back, his hip softly moving against him. Ray kissed him between the
shoulder blades and mumbled something that could be taken for "Good
morning" before his hand came around Fraser's hip to get nice and friendly
with his cock.

 They lay in sated silence afterwards and Ray felt so good, he felt
confident that a little confession on his part might be in order. He
needed Fraser to understand how special this was to him. And with Fraser
`honest' worked just great most of the time. 

 "I have to tell you something." Ray spoke quietly against the warmth of
Fraser's back. Fraser tried to turn around but Ray tightened his grip.
This was easier without Fraser's searching look on him. "I... I knew the
massage would work." Ray swallowed audibly. "Ah, I see. Well, I am glad
that you had so much faith in my abilities." Fraser said.

 "No. Heh. That's not it, Fraser. I... knew because I, uh, had a similar
reaction to you... earlier." Ray waited with bated breath how Fraser would
take this. "I'm not sure I understand you. You had an erection in reaction
to me at some point prior to the massage?" Ray felt Fraser's nape heat up
with a light blush. He smiled and pressed a kiss to it.

 "I was coming back for a walk and thought, hey, what do you know, maybe
the Mountie's still up. So I, uh, broke into the consulate and your door
was slightly open so I..." Ray floundered unsure how to go on. Fraser
tried to turn around again but only managed to turn his head in a strained
position, wide enough to look at Ray. 

 "You watched me masturbate?" Fraser's voice was quiet and Ray wasn't sure
how to interpret the tone but he was momentarily distracted by Fraser
saying `masturbate' and he had to concentrate on not just jumping the guy
again. Ray was trying to make a point here. "Yeah... I kinda did." 

 Fraser turned around again, relaxing the strain in his neck. He pondered
this revelation for a second. "And this got a reaction from you?" He asked
quietly. "Only from that." Ray flushed and hid his face against Fraser's
back. "Nothing else had any effect whatsoever." 

 "It could have been a co-" Fraser started. "-incidence, yeahyeah, except
it wasn't... cause... I, uhm... don't get mad, kay? I kinda watched you
again in the shower...at my place." Fraser turned around again and looked
at him incredulously. "Any other moments you were spying on me I should
know about?" 

 Ray swallowed and shook his head. Fraser nodded slowly. "So what you are
basically saying is that your body's reaction seems to correlate with my
own arousal?" Ray's throat was dry, how could Fraser just go around and
talk about stuff like that so casually? "Uhm... yes." 

 Ray had expected a lot of stuff. He had expected Fraser to get mad over
the getting an eyeful, he had expected Fraser to be disappointed that he
had played him like that. Well, most of all he had expected Fraser to feel
at least pleased, you know, how many people go around telling you `hey,
you're the only thing that turns my crank and I can prove it' or maybe
just a bit flattered. 

 He hadn't expected him to tense up and scramble from the bed with a hasty
"Excuse me, Ray. I think I should get a shower." Ray looked perplexed at
the retreating Mountie. This, he had not expected. And it kinda hurt, he
just hadn't thought that it would freak Fraser out like this that he
appeared to be the only one with the power to turn Ray on at the moment.

 Unsurprisingly, Fraser's thoughts went into another direction altogether.
"Calm yourself, Benton." He admonished himself under the spray of the
shower. He had known, deep inside, that there had to be a reason that Ray
had chosen him. Yes, he had hoped that Ray had shown conscious choice by
inviting him back here.

 Fraser just hadn't, in all honesty, thought that he could be the only
available option to Ray after all. He had simply assumed that Ray had
needed another human touch and had chosen to get it from Fraser... he had
not thought that Ray couldn't get an erection from just any other contact
he might choose.

 Okay, Ray was trying to let him down easy by telling him that he's doing
this because he has no other option. He could do this.... He would go with
this for as long as Ray let him... even if he couldn't. He couldn't do
`casual', he couldn't simply wish Ray good luck when he discovered that he
no longer needed Fraser for his release, and he could not go back to the
way things were before - not with all the new memories Ray was creating.

 The sad truth was that it was too late for him to turn back now. He
didn't have it in him to break it off with Ray now, not when he knew that
he could have one more night, one more day, or one more morning with Ray
in his arms.

 Fraser dressed and left the bathroom, feeling a little uneasy since he
didn't know which of Ray's moods he would encounter now after his sudden
exit. But Ray was still sprawled over the bed, the sheet just covering the
bare essentials and Fraser's lips felt parched.

 Ray leaned up on his elbows and looked at him with a serious expression
on his face.

 "Hey Fraser, consider a hypothetical situation for me." Fraser stopped in
the middle of Ray's bedroom, maybe a meter away from Ray in all his naked
glory and Ray didn't appear enraged or mad and he really wanted him to
think about a hypothetical situation? Now? With Ray naked less than a
meter away? Maybe Ray was unhinged.

 "Ah, certainly, Ray." When Fraser squinted he could almost imagine that
the cover was about to slide off of Ray's hip. Ray grinned slyly at him.

 "Imagine you could help someone out, you know, give a hand to someone in
a tight spot? Would you still do it if you had to do something absolutely
disgusting to help? Something you didn't wanna do no fucking way?"

 Fraser rubbed his eyebrow. Ray's mind was really jumpy at times. If Ray
was referring to this tasteless TV show he had been watching recently
where people had to do vile things to prove some ridiculous notion then--
"Fraser?" Ray asked. "Come on, would you?"

 "Ah, well, is the person in life threatening danger if I don't?" "Nope."
Ray shook his head emphatically.

 "Would he suffer any life changing damage if I don't? Say, lose a limb or
take damage to a vital organ that might leave him impaired?" "Nu-uh. He
would suffer and it wouldn't be pretty but that about covers it. So, would
you do something you absolutely do not wanna do?" Ray had the smile of the
devil playing on his lips and Fraser took an unconscious step towards the
bed. 

 "Well, then I suppose I would try to help him or her in a capacity I felt
more comfortable with or find someone else who might be willing to help in
the required manner." "I see." Ray said and his lips curved into a crooked
grin. He slid the bed sheet a bit further down on his hips and Fraser's
gaze zeroed in on the newly exposed inches of Ray's smooth skin. 

 "Ah, you do, Ray?" He licked his lips and raised his eyes to Ray's face.
Ray spread his legs wide and Fraser's cheeks felt hot all of a sudden, his
hands clenched and unclenched uselessly at his side.

 "Touch me, Fraser. Please?" Ray whispered hoarsely and Fraser simply
nodded and went to Ray.

 See, Ray didn't get that Detective badge for nothing, he got to figure
the small puzzles out and Fraser had certainly improved his skill at
reading the details. Whatever had gotten Fraser all flustered before Ray
did not think that it was because he was only into this whole sex thing
out of pity for Ray. No one would go this far. Not even for queen and
country especially not when Ray wasn't even Canadian. 

 As far as Ray could tell - which was pretty far along at this point, all
things considered - Fraser was really into the whole sex thing. But Fraser
wasn't really big on the emotional talk and Fraser was usually more of a
private guy and maybe it was a bit much to get told that you're it for
someone? Those were the really big guns, Ray got that. 

 They got time, right? So Ray had time to prove to Fraser that this was a
good idea, that they were good together that way. And Fraser didn't do
casual so the way Ray saw it he already had some good things going for
him, now all he had to do was convince the Mountie of it. 

 The way Fraser melted into him might be taken as a sign that Ray wasn't
doing so bad on the convincing part of his plan. 

 The week progressed and no one was more shocked than Fraser that things
didn't change, if anything they intensified. They worked their usual shift
and Fraser had to admit that they had never been this in tune in all the
time of their partnership. It felt as if Ray was simply an extension of
his own being; that he could trust himself to know what Ray was going to
do next or what he needed. 

 It was amazing. It took Fraser's breath away especially because Ray
showed no intention of abandoning their sexual relationship. Not one day
went by where Ray didn't ask him if Fraser wanted to spend time with him
after their shift and not one day passed where they didn't end up at Ray's
apartment. 

 And the...the sex... Fraser felt hot just thinking about it. If he had to
hazard a guess he would say that there wasn't a single room, or surface,
or piece of furniture they hadn't... abused... for some kind of sexual
hijinx in the last week. 

 Fraser never ceased to be stunned by Ray's easy acceptance of his touch,
the way he seemed to crave it even and the openness with which Ray came to
him time and again... as if there was nothing in the world Ray would
rather do than touch Fraser or be touched by him.

 The week was almost over now and Ray appeared content with the way things
were going but Fraser had been wondering and during the last two days the
question had bothered him again and again: what were they doing? Or more
precisely, was Fraser still Ray's makeshift solution because he had no
other choice or could he, ah, gain an erection all by himself again?

 It was Friday night now and they were laying spent in this post-sex haze
between Ray's rumpled sheets - Ray had given up washing them every day,
now he settled for every two or three days depending on how much time they
had spent on getting them dirty - and that little question was again
niggling at the back of Fraser's mind. 

 Ray was drawing lazy circles on Fraser's abdomen, a satisfied smile on
his lips and his eyes closed. "Ray, I've been thinking." Fraser confessed.
Ray's smile changed into a smirk and he raised his head from the spot on
Fraser's chest to look at him. "Color me shocked, Fraser."

 "Honestly, Ray." Fraser tried to sound dismayed. "As I've said I have
been thinking a lot lately and-- " Ray licked a broad swipe across
Fraser's right nipple and relished to hear Fraser's sharp intake of
breath. "Frase, if that's what they are calling it these days you can
count me in. I'm good to go." "No, I-Ray, really." Ray snickered quietly.
"Okay, shoot. I'm listening."

 "Thank you. I was wondering if you had tried to, that is if you had the
opportunity to... well, what I'm trying to say is that I was wondering--"
"Yeah, you said that already. What's with the wondering?" 

 Fraser took a deep breath. "I was wondering whether you were aware if
your condition has returned to normal by now?" Fraser was sure that this
must be of great importance to Ray, too. He had assumed that nothing had
changed which was why Ray hadn't said anything and he didn't want to spoil
the mood now but, well, with one thing and another they had just never
talked about it again. 

 Ray looked sleepily at him and not as if Fraser had made much sense. "My
condition?" Ray made it sound filthy and Fraser tried to stay on track for
at least the remainder of this discussion. "Yes, your, ah, difficulties
with achieving a satisfactory bloodflow to certain--" Ray's eyes got wide.
"Wait, wait, wait, that's Canadian for not getting a boner, right?" "Ah,
yes." Ray laughed softly. "Should've known what with all the long-winded
explanation and stuff."

 "So?" Ray shrugged. "No idea, really. I haven't tried it." And he didn't
appear very much concerned with it either. Ray leered at him. "Didn't have
much need to, did I?" he waggled his eyebrows. 

 "Ah, no." Fraser felt a slight blush creeping on his cheeks. Yet, he had
expected Ray to take more interest in the subject. Didn't Ray want to
be... independent...from him? 

 Fraser had every intention of bringing the subject up again the next day.
However, Ray was rather resourceful when it came to making Fraser lose his
mind so he had to admit that he had not been all that effective - although
he probably had a love bite for every time he had thought about asking.

 Ray just seemed happy with his lot. He was funny and relaxed, he cracked
jokes, he was an endless tease and `sensual' didn't even begin to do Ray
justice. And Fraser... well, lately he was pretty convinced that he had
opted for his imagination instead of reality one time too often. He hadn't
been happy in such a long time he was absolutely petrified now that luck
looked exactly the way he had imagined it. 

 Sitting here on the couch with Ray half-naked and more than just half
asleep, caressing his warm skin and enjoying the quiet of the flat was so
perfect that Fraser was afraid he might break it. And yet... he couldn't
let this go on. God, it even hurt to admit it. This wasn't real, this
wasn't what Ray wanted and it had only been a temporary solution from the
very beginning. Well, not in so many words but what other possibility was
there?

 He wondered if letting Ray go could be any harder than looking at him and
knowing he had to lose him? "Ray." He all but whispered. "Hm?" Ray's
answer transformed itself into a yawn. "Let's go to bed. You're tired and
already half asleep." He couldn't keep the smile out of his voice. Ray was
endearing like this.

 Ray scrunched up his nose as if he was debating that point. "Carry me."
He demanded petulantly. Fraser was on the verge of disagreeing but then he
thought better of it. What was the harm? "Okay." He said quietly before he
untangled himself from Ray and stooped to pick him up. Ray's arms came
around him and he nuzzled his chin. 

 Fraser was surprised how lithe Ray felt. The true agility of a dancer...
or a boxer. Fraser smiled mischievously, Ray resembled a terrier; small
and tenacious but on the whole quite good natured and a sucker for
affections. Ray blinked an eye open. "You're grinning, that can't be
good." He yawned unconcerned. "Nevermind, Ray. Let's get you to bed."
Fraser tried to smother his grin.

 God, he was a goner... and even that was something Ray would say. How was
he ever supposed to go on without Ray? After being offered so much more
than he had ever imagined how could he make himself let go of Ray?

 Luckily for Fraser he didn't have to think about it on Sunday because he
hadn't been prepared for something like that to happen and when it did he
needed all his faculties to think about this particular riddle. In
hindsight Fraser wasn't even sure if it actually did happen or if it was
simply another fancy of his imagination. 

 Sunday was different for a few points. One was that it was one of the
very first days in which mundane, real life intruded on them. There was
nothing even remotely edible left in Ray's apartment and if Ray didn't
want to go to work naked he would also have to do laundry today.

 This meant that Ray wasn't particularly keen to get out of bed to start
with - had Fraser asked him Ray would have confided his theory to him that
it stayed morning as long as you just didn't get up in the first place, so
Ray would not have to do any of those things. For as long as they never
left the bed it would continue to be Sunday morning, yes, Ray was aware
that he was a fucking genius. 

 However, Fraser didn't ask for that particular urban myth and Diefenbaker
was starting to get bored with the two of them so he had had no intentions
of letting them stay in bed any longer than it took for the sun to be up.

 And Fraser didn't even know why he had to be the responsible one that
took Dief for a walk and then argued for going shopping when all he really
wanted was to stay in bed with Ray as well. Old habits died hard, he
supposed.

 There hadn't even been time for morning sex because Diefenbaker had been
so very insisting and when they came back Ray had already managed to leave
the bed and get dressed and Fraser worried that if he started to undress
Ray now they would never manage to leave the house.

 Once the grocery shopping was done Fraser managed to persuade Ray to
tackle the laundry right away; arguing that this would leave them more
uninterrupted time later on.

 The washing machine needed exactly 62 minutes before they should put the
wet clothes into the dryer so Fraser decided to prepare some food in the
mean time; this time arguing that sustenance was needed for every kind of
activity. He hadn't known how exhausting it was to resist Ray. But that
may have been because he didn't really want to resist. 

 It wasn't before they had finished eating and Ray went down to collect
the laundry while Fraser did the dishes that it came to Fraser that they
had managed to accomplish all the chores they had to do today.

 Apparently Ray had the same epiphany on his way back up because he simply
put the laundry basket down right in the hallway and came up to Fraser who
was still standing at the sink with soapy hands and embraced him from
behind. "God... I've waited all day to touch you." Ray whispered fiercely
into his ear and Fraser shuddered in anticipation. Fraser turned around in
the embrace and fisted his still wet hands into Ray's shirt before he
pulled him in for a bruising kiss. 

 When he released him, Ray looked flushed and a bit lost. "Bed." He
croaked and Fraser went with him in a heartbeat. On the way to the bedroom
Ray started to strip off his shirt and Fraser was so distracted by all
this newly exposed skin that he almost forgot to get rid of his own shirt.


 He caught Ray at the doorframe and slung his arms around him, pulling him
back against his chest. Ray groaned and exposed his neck to him, laying
his head against Fraser's shoulder. Fraser stroked down Ray's chest,
feeling the lean muscles until he reached Ray's jeans. He stroked over the
bulge there and Ray's breathing stuttered. 

 Fraser undid the button and pulled the zipper down. Ray bit down on his
lower lip in anticipation. "Ray." Fraser whispered against Ray's ear in a
mixture of delight and shock. His hand traveled inside Ray's jeans and
found the smooth skin of his cock, already leaping eagerly in his hand.

 Ray gave a breathless laugh. "Heh, told you laundry was urgent." Fraser
mouth was dry, the thought of Ray spending the whole day without wearing
anything underneath was... vividly erotic.

 Fraser had long since found out that Ray was impatient and that he could
entice him to do the wickedest movements if tried. He closed his hand
around Ray's cock, moving his thumb across the head again and again and
Ray was whimpering already but Fraser didn't move his hand and Ray's chest
was heaving with the effort to stay still. 

 Fraser licked at Ray's pulse point beating at his throat and Ray gave a
grunt and snapped his hips up into Fraser's hand. "Ohhh... yeah... " he
moaned. 

 Fraser had never seen anything as mesmerizing as Ray seeking out his
pleasure. 

 Fraser pressed his own erection into Ray who ground back against him.
Fraser pressed his lips together to keep the moan muffled. Ray continued
to move his hips forward and then pressed back to his own internal rhythm
and it was driving Fraser out of his mind.

 He took his hand from Ray's cock and started to pull Ray's pants down.
Ray helped him and threw the jeans and his socks into the next corner. He
turned around and grinned at Fraser a bit self- consciously but his grin
died on his lips when he saw the determined look on Fraser's face. He
swallowed and backed away towards the bed.

 Fraser smiled stealthily. Ray loved it when Fraser just went for it. Ray
hit the edge of the bed and sat down. Fraser stopped in front of him and
knelt down, he spread Ray's legs and moved in between them, never taking
his eyes off him. Ray's cock was softly dripping pre-come and Fraser
reached out to smear it over Ray's cock, Ray bit his lips and whimpered
softly, his legs spreading even further on their own accord. 

 Fraser started to jerk Ray off, never looking away and Ray kept staring
back, even when his eyes went glassy and he couldn't focus properly
anymore, his mouth half open and panting for breath and when Fraser
started to dip his head towards Ray's leaking cock Ray gave a desperate
moan. 

 He lapped softly at the pre-come, cleaning Ray's cock and Ray's legs
started trembling softly, and Fraser was amazed that the wait today had
shortened Ray's level of endurance to this extent.

 He looked up at Ray and saw that he had his eyes closed, his head leaning
slightly forward, soft shadows from the afternoon sun on his face and a
bit of a blush covering his cheeks. Ray was beautiful like this, gasping
and needy and loving every minute of it... Fraser wasn't sure if he was
torturing Ray or himself with his slow pace. 

 But he wanted... god, he needed this to last... he couldn't bear to think
of it being over too quickly--he needed... oh, this was a terrible idea...
but he wouldn't be able to stop himself... the possibility to possess Ray,
at least this once in his life... he had to focus not to come from the
thought alone.

 "Ray." Ray opened eyes dark with desire and Fraser unconsciously licked
his lips. "Spread out on the bed." Ray nodded and moved up to the middle
of the bed. Fraser stood up and undressed the rest of the way. 

 He picked up the oil from the nightstand and Ray spread his legs in
answer to the unspoken question. Ray usually didn't last very long with
this... but this time Fraser had no intention of stopping. Fraser slicked
up three fingers and Ray's eyes grew a shade darker just watching him. 

 Fraser dipped down to kiss Ray and felt Ray's tongue plunge eagerly into
his mouth, desperate for some friction and just something, some outlet
some way to feel and god... Fraser entered Ray with one finger and Ray
tore his mouth away and gasped for breath. 

 Without waiting for Ray to draw a breath Fraser added a second finger.
Ray's hips moved back against him and Ray moaned hoarsely.
"Fraser....ah.... fuck... I can't..." Already Ray's hips picked up the
rhythm and Fraser tried to distract Ray by kissing him again and Ray
gladly focused on Fraser lips, and tongue and mouth and just fucking
breathing and god, this was so hot... and it wasn't enough not nearly...
but he couldn't find the words, he only knew one word so he said that one
instead, "Fraser", over and over again, "Fraser... Fraser" in a plea for
more and maybe Fraser understood or maybe Fraser couldn't wait any longer
but Fraser gave him a third finger and that was better, that was better
than great, that was... just what he needed.

 "God... Fraser... oh, god... don't stop..." And Ray's stomach muscles
rippled and his cock dribbled a little puddle of pre-come down onto his
abdomen and Fraser pushed against Ray's sweet spot, again and again and he
was sure that Ray could probably come just from that. 

 "Ray,..." Fraser tried to get the words into the right order. "Turn
around." And Ray looked miles away but he nodded and when his body
followed Fraser's order, Fraser pulled his fingers out to let Ray complete
the move. Ray whimpered softly, "god... Fraser... oh, please... " 

 Ray was half way on all fours and Fraser moved behind him, entering him
again first with two fingers and after a few rolls of Ray's hips a third
one again and Ray was moaning greedily and pushing back and Fraser looked
at the sight of Ray sweaty and flushed, snapping his hips again and again
and he reached out to keep Ray's hips still and his hand closed around
Ray's side, his thumb pressing against the base of Ray's spine and he
gripped a bit tighter.

 And Ray felt like this spot on his back had forever waited for Fraser's
hand, that it had Fraser's name written on it and he remembered the moment
from the massage and god, this was how he had imagined it and then Fraser
curled his fingers around his cock just so and Ray tensed and moved back
in a sharp snap of the hips before he cried out and came, shaking apart
and gasping for breath and he wasn't sure where up and where down was but
it didn't matter because Fraser was still there and as long as he was
there Ray just didn't care...

 ..and... "gooood", Ray moaned, long, and drawn out, desperate and fucked
out, because Fraser- Fraser just didn't stop, his fingers were still
moving inside of him, rubbing that spot and Ray, he didn't think he could
take anymore... but he could, and it felt like floating and "fuck..." he
was still wanting more and Fraser was taking these shuddering breaths,
like he was about to fall apart and god, that turned Ray on like nobody's
business and Fraser hadn't come and maybe... "ahh... Fraser... I... "
maybe Fraser would... "Ray...can I... I want to..." Fraser's voice was
hoarse and strained and Ray was nodding frantically, panting, "yes...
god... Fraser... fuck me..." 

 And suddenly Fraser was right behind him, pressed close and Ray could
feel the blunt head of his cock pressing against him and the cool slick of
the lube against his heated skin, but he didn't care....he needed this...
and he was boneless and his body couldn't tense even had he wanted to... 

 Fraser's hands were right there, pressed against the small of Ray's back
and somehow those were like the only things keeping Ray grounded, they
were the center of the universe or something and Fraser was inside of him,
all the way and Ray started shaking.... "Fraser... oh my god... " but
Fraser was moving now, all restraint gone and he was making these deep
moans and he was hitting this spot inside of Ray, over and over again...

 This was complete overload, Ray couldn't even form words in his head
anymore. There was nothing more than this feeling and he was hard again
and he felt so close to coming he could taste it on his tongue and then he
felt Fraser trembling and god... wasn't that the most incredible thing he
had ever felt and Fraser was groaning out his name and he felt Fraser's
cock pulse and that was it... Ray was lost, shouting wildly without
conscious thought "FRASER.... Ah... god, I love you.... Ahhh" and he came,
feeling Fraser coming inside of him and Ray simply collapsed; down for the
count.

 Fraser's arms felt like rubber and his legs even more so. He carefully
disengaged himself from Ray and stared at him in utter shock. Had Ray
known what he had just said? But Ray's breathing was already evening out
and his eyes were closed and Fraser was too shaken to even contemplate
rousing him. He snuggled up behind Ray and pulled him close, inhaling the
scent of sex and sweat and if he could have preserved one moment in his
life he would have chosen this one.

 When he opened his eyes it was already dusk outside, Ray was quietly
awake, drawing patterns on his chest. When he realized that Fraser was
awake he smiled softly at him. "Hey, there." "Hello, Ray." Fraser smiled
back. He felt such tenderness for this man, his throat felt tight. Ray's
stomach grumbled and he grinned slightly embarrassed. "I don't wanna get
up." He admitted. "But we could do with a shower... and I wouldn't say no
to a bite to eat." 

 "Why don't you get a shower and I'll see what I can do for dinner?"
Fraser offered. "Fraser, you're the best. Did anybody ever tell you that?"
"No, actually." Fraser smiled and Ray grinned back easily. He skipped to
the bathroom and Fraser put on his shorts - no use putting on more clothes
when he was in as much need of a shower as Ray was - and went into the
kitchen.

 While he was preparing something to eat he pondered about Ray's behavior.
Either he was unconcerned about his love declaration or he didn't remember
saying anything like that. He sighed. It was quite possibly the latter; he
couldn't imagine that Ray would be this calm about something of this
magnitude.

 And if he didn't remember... did it follow that Ray had not meant it? Or
simply that he had not intended to disclose it? But wasn't there a saying
that you could never believe anything that was said during sex? 

 He stirred the sauce for the pasta. What if it was true? Ray padded
barefoot in the kitchen. "Hey, so what's for dinner?" "Spaghetti. I'm
afraid, I was terribly unoriginal." "Nah, Spaghetti is great. Hop under
the shower, I'll watch the sauce. I can do that. I can even cook noodles."
He shoved Fraser in the direction of the bathroom.

 In the end, Ray never said anything about his confession and Fraser
didn't have the courage to ask him, too afraid of his own luck which
usually let him down in the most spectacular fashion. 

 On Tuesday, Fraser had duties at the consulate in the evening. Ray had
not really listened... at least no to what Fraser was saying with his
mouth. He had listened closely to what Fraser's body was telling him, that
he was sorry, that his hands were already itching to touch Ray again, that
he deeply regretted to miss out on an evening in his company. 

 A smile played around the corner of his mouth. Fraser was easy to read
lately. Maybe because he had allowed Ray to get closer than anybody else
or maybe because Ray had simply spent so much time with him and had
observed Fraser in almost every imaginable situation.

 Ray had a good feeling about his plan. Fraser hadn't said anything but
watching him now Ray was dead certain that he had already convinced him of
this new level of partnership.

 How could Fraser ignore how great they were together? They worked better
and they didn't fight as often - probably because Ray was so much easier
to handle when you gave him a physical outlet when something bothered
him... and heh, Fraser was all over the physical. 

 And the sex was...uh, Ray had known that Fraser, well, he was dedicated,
so he probably should have guessed that sex with Fraser was more than just
a little breathtaking, But the reality was so much better that it was
almost ridiculous. 

 So, Ray dropped Fraser off at the consulate - he even parked around the
corner to sneak a feverishly hot kiss - and drove home by himself. For the
first time in more than a week.

 The apartment seemed strangely empty and it definitely needed some
cleaning. Ray sighed... well, better do it now than when Fraser could come
over again. He put on some music and got started. When he was finished he
was sweaty and weird pieces of dust and grime were sticking to his skin.

 He surveyed himself with some disgust. Shower, definitely. Standing under
the water Fraser's question from last weekend came back to him. Ray had
simply not tried it again. Mostly because he hadn't expected anything to
happen and, like he said to Fraser, he hadn't really needed to because
Fraser had more than made up for it.

 "Okay..." he cracked his neck and tried to focus on one of his fantasies.
He snorted at the mere thought of it. It had been weeks since he had
started thinking about Fraser and his head was full of him. He simply
didn't want to think about any blond chicks or hot witnesses when he could
think about Fraser instead. Or rather - he simply couldn't think of
anything but him.

 Ray didn't have to think hard before other parts of him were already
finishing his train of thought for him. Ray was so surprised he almost
slipped. 

 He didn't even want to do anything about it, hell, he'd rather save it
for Fraser. Instead he scrambled out of the shower and got dry and dressed
in record time. 

 Ray reached for the telephone and dialed. It rang only 3 or 4 times
before someone picked up. "Canadian Consulate, Constable Benton Fraser
speaking . Consulat du Canada--" "Fraser!" Ray interrupted excitedly.
"Ray, did anything happen?" Fraser asked, already on alert.

 "No, yes, it's... Fraser, it's working again!" Willing every particle of
his voice to survey his meaning. There was a short pause on the other side
of the line. "Ah... you're condition has returned to normal, I take it?"
"Yes! And I know you said it would, but I wasn't so sure and... you were
right. Damn it, Fraser, you were absolutely right!" Ray was giddy with
joy.

 "I... Congratulations, Ray." Ray frowned, okay it was only his own body
and everything but he had expected a bit more enthusiasm from Fraser.

 There was an uncomfortable pause in their conversation. "So...uh, party's
still going on?" Fraser cleared his throat. "Ah, yes. No end in sight, I'm
afraid."

 "Oh, okay." Secretly, Ray had hoped that Fraser might be able to come by
later. "Then I'll see ya tomorrow, right?" "Yes, Ray. Good night."

 Ray hung up. God, he felt awful. Why the heck did he feel awful? He had
just received some great news and he had shared them with Fraser... wasn't
that supposed to make everything even better?

 The next morning Ray was anxious to see Fraser. He was afraid that he
might've reconsidered the situation. That the evening alone at the
consulate might have led to second thoughts.

 He was impatiently rifling through folders and case notes without really
working on anything, just waiting for Fraser to arrive.

 When he finally did Ray damned the whole station that he couldn't greet
him like he would if they were alone. Instead he went for a pat on the
shoulder and a warm "Morning" and Fraser smiled and nodded and then it was
just another work day and Ray was going crazy. 

 He was trying to gauge Fraser's mood, trying to see if anything was
different but it just wasn't possible. And by the end of the shift Ray was
almost too nervous to ask Fraser if he wanted to come back to Ray's place.


 They were walking towards the parking lot and Fraser hadn't said anything
about any plans later but he hadn't asked Ray about his either and... he
should just ask. "Frase... uh, hey, you got somewhere you have to be now?"
"Ah, no. Not exactly, Ray." Fraser rubbed his eyebrow and Ray thought,
okay, at least Fraser is nervous, too.

 "You wanna come home with me?" And Ray wanted to say more, like what he
intended to do to Fraser once they were behind closed doors and how Ray
had wanted to touch him the whole day through and that his lips were
burning he wanted to kiss him so badly, but he couldn't get the words out
so the sentence just ended with this simply question.

 "I--" Fraser almost looked surprised. "Yes, Ray. I'd like that." And the
smile he gave looked like the one he especially reserved for Ray and that
felt better, that felt like everything was alright and Ray relaxed a bit.
But Fraser was strangely distant in the car again and Ray practiced his
freaking out skills again because nothing had changed really, right? And
yet it was all weird and he didn't get it.

 Ray ascended the stairs to his apartment and he felt tense like it was
his first date and he tried to relax, this was Fraser after all, but he
was still nervous and his mouth felt dry when he unlocked the door and let
them into his apartment.

 Fraser entered behind him and placed his hat on the small table in the
hallway and Ray turned towards him and suddenly he couldn't wait any
longer, Fraser was there, and touchable and he needed to assure himself
that Fraser's lips were still as soft as they had been yesterday and he
pressed Fraser against the wall and - that was wrong, Fraser was usually
not this easily manhandled but Fraser was looking surprised at the
onslaught and Ray was maybe about two inches away from Fraser's lips when
he stopped and moved back a bit to look at him.

 "Fraser--what?" He didn't even know what to ask for. "I... you still
want...?" Fraser let the rest of the sentence unfinished and Ray finally
took a step away, but his hands were still gripping Fraser's uniform and
he looked at Fraser with confusion. "Why shouldn't I, Fraser?" he wasn't
even angry, he honestly didn't get it and it came as something of a shock
that Fraser and he weren't on the same page here after the last week of
almost knowing what the other was thinking.

 "I, ah, I thought that, well since your situation isn't applicable
anymore I assumed that--" "Fraser!" Ray interrupted annoyed. "What does
that have to do with anything?" "Everything, Ray." Fraser blurted and Ray
looked shocked and even more confused. "How come?" Ray asked puzzled.
"What does it matter if I can touch myself whenever I want? Didn't have to
the last week, so why does it matter now?" Fraser's eyes looked big
and...kind of hopeful which confused Ray even more. Talk about mixed
signals. 

 "You mean you, ah, didn't continue our..." Fraser was searching for the
right word and Ray had to grin despite himself. He'd done it; he had
rendered Mr. Dictionary lost for words. "Relationship?" Ray said in a firm
voice, braving the gap between them with a step closer again. Hell, Fraser
wanted him to put it all on the line, he would. Fraser's eyes went hot.

 "Right. So, you didn't continue our - relationship - because you didn't
have another option for sexual release?" He was going to kick Fraser in
the head after all. "Fraser, what kind of jerk do you think I am? That's
just, -- that's stupid. Why would I do that if I..." he floundered before
he found the voice to come out and say it, "if it wasn't what I wanted?"

 Fraser's hands twitched as if he wanted to reach for Ray and Ray would be
one very thankful Chicago cop if Fraser could get with the program already
and ravish him - or the other way round, Ray wasn't particularly picky.

 "You want this?" Ray kept the frustrated sigh inside with his last shred
of patience. "Yes." Fraser licked his lips. "You want...me?" The `me' was
said so softly that affection welled up in Ray despite his irritation.
"Yeah." "Indefinitely?" Ray rolled his eyes. 

 "If you're waiting for any dramatic declarations you got the wrong guy,
Fraser. But yeah, for as long as I got breath in my body, you got me."
Fraser's eyes lighted up like a Christmas tree. And suddenly Ray was
assaulted by 190 pounds of Canadian Mountie. So he had been right, Ray
mused, honesty really did work best with Fraser.

 He pushed against Fraser's chest trying to get another word in. "What
about you, huh, Fraser?" "Ohhh, Ray..." Fraser sighed and kissed him again
until his knees were weak. Damn, Fraser was good at this.

 "So I finally got you convinced, hm?" Ray said self-satisfied. Now Fraser
looked confused. "Convinced, Ray? Ah, I'm sorry I wasn't aware that you
were trying to convince me. Of what exactly may I ask?"

 Ray stabbed him in the chest. "Of us, as partners ...like this, Fraser."

 Fraser smiled like the cat that got the canary. "That was you convincing
me, this last week?" "Uh, yes." Ray looked a bit embarrassed.

 Fraser licked his lips again. "Maybe I need some more convincing."
"Fraser, you--" and it finally registered what Fraser was saying.
"Really?" Ray asked delighted. He was all over that. "I'm afraid so. It
might take awhile." 

 Ray grinned. The Mountie was doing the sex talk, who'd have thought? Heh,
finally they were on the same page again.

 Just an inch before Ray's lips met his, Fraser murmured: "And I love you,
too, Ray." He grinned slightly. "Who said anything about--" but Ray's
protests were smothered in Fraser's kiss. 

  
  

End Erections and Other Dysfunctions by Tatau 

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