After Dark	    After Dark

 by Callie

  

 Author's website: http://www.geocities.com/callinuk

 Disclaimer: Due South and all of its characters belong to Alliance
Communications

 Author's Notes: 

 Story Notes: 

 

 

 The sound of the apartment door closing awakens me from my light slumber.
I rub the sleepiness from my eyes as I roll onto my side to squint at the
clock on the night stand. I blink twice forcing my eyes to acclimatize to
the darkness of the room. The clock reads midnight, and I can't help
sighing to myself knowing that Ray has been driving the streets of the
city trying to calm himself before coming back to the apartment we have
made our home. 

 I close my eyes again as I listen to him moving quietly around the living
room. I smile to myself as I hear him whispering to Diefenbaker. My mind
absently conjures up a picture of the two of them - Ray kneeling his arms
wrapped around the white furry neck as Diefenbaker licks at his face. I
smile again as I hear the clanking of a kitchen cupboard and I know Ray is
spoiling Diefenbaker with cookies. 

 I lay still, my eyes closed, as I hear him enter our bedroom. He moves
quietly around the room, and I know he is trying not to wake me. I hear
two thumps as his boots hit the floor, and I smile as he curses under his
breath. The rustling sound of Ray removing his clothes, dropping them
where he stands, seems to echo around the silence of the room. 

 He's close - I can feel his eyes looking up and down my body, watching me
as I lay in our bed. He is sad - I can sense his mood as it washes over
and through his body. Keeping my eyes closed and my breathing even, I
pretend to be asleep. It won't fool him, but I know, deep within me, that
he doesn't want me to look at him, doesn't want me to see the hurt and
pain on his face. It's a sixth sense we possess - somehow we know
instinctively when the other needs comfort or a hug or space. Ray says
it's because we are a duet, but the romantic in me likes to think it's
because we are soul mates, that we are meant to be together forever. Ray
teases me mercilessly, but it warms me to the core because I know, despite
his teasing, that Ray secretly agrees with the sentiment. 

 As he stands still, I listen to his soft breathing in the silence of the
room, and my body reacts to the thought of Ray naked and beautiful three
feet away from me. "No," I chastise myself biting the inside of my mouth
as I turn my thoughts to icebergs resisting the temptation to reach out
and comfort him. 

 With a small sigh, Ray creeps towards the small adjoining bathroom.
Opening my eyes, I turn lifting my head as I look towards the light. The
door is slightly ajar, and I can hear the sound of water running as Ray
splashes it onto his face. The running water stops, the bathroom light
clicks out, the door opens and I hear his bare feet pad across the room
towards our bed. 

 The bed dips as Ray slides under the comforter. I lay still as he sidles
up to my back and nuzzles my neck. "Love you Ben," he whispers softly as
he presses his lips to my shoulder. 

 I can't resist anymore, and I turn to face him drawing him into my arms.
Ray sighs into my chest as he snuggles closer, his soft spikes tickling my
chin. He's cold, and he shivers slightly as his cool skin touches my sleep
warm body. 

 "Sorry," he murmurs into my chest. "Didn't mean to wake you." 

 "You didn't," I murmur back as I stroke my hand down his back. "I can't
sleep when you're not here with me." 

 "Must be love," he laughs lightly as he nuzzles my chest with his nose. 

 "Guilty as charged," I tease still stroking his back. He laughs again,
but it sounds sad to my ears. He cuddles closer to me, and I take a deep
breath. "So how were your parents?" I ask managing to keep the squeak out
of my voice. 

 Ray loves his parents. But Damien and Barbara Kowalski don't understand
our relationship, and have made their feelings towards me and our
relationship quite clear. Ray is their son, and is invited every month to
a family Sunday dinner, but there's a silent understanding that I do not
accompany him, and he mustn't speak of me or our relationship. And he
hates it. 

 And I hate myself for insisting that he go to visit them every month.
Perhaps it has something to do with my own lack of parents - that I didn't
get to visit them for a monthly Sunday dinner. And I don't want Ray to
miss out on a relationship with his parents, after so long away from them.
But every time he comes home from a visit, Ray is melancholy and quiet for
days after. And it breaks my heart to see him so sad. 

 I can feel him shrug his shoulders against me. "OK," he lies. His voice
is soft, and he cuddles even closer to me as if trying to re-assure me
with his body that he is here, that he won't be going anywhere. I think he
knows that I am afraid that one day his parents will make him choose -
them or me. 

 "Ray," I say softly moving my hand up into his hair. "It's alright." 

 "I hate it," he chokes as he buries his head into my chest. I feel him
shuddering against me trying to hold back the tears. "It totally.....
sucks." 

 "Sshhh," I murmur into his hair trying to bite back my own tears. "I
know." I caress his back again trying to soothe him with touch. "I know,"
I croon again. 

 "Why?" he wriggles out of my embrace squinting up at my face in the
darkness. "Why can't they see that we love each other? We're not hurting
anyone," he buries his head back in my chest. "All they see is two guys
in.... in bed having sex," he says bitterly. "And they think..... think
it's dirty and disgusting. And don't say I'm wrong.... because I see the
look on... on their faces." 

 "Ray," I repeat softly. "Don't. Don't let them hurt you.... or us with
their short sightedness." 

 "Oh Ben," Ray looks up at me again and I can just make out the wetness in
his beautiful pale eyes. "I love you." 

 My eyes have become accustomed to the dark, and I can see that his eyes
are red-rimmed. My heart constricts with a sudden pain as I realise that
Ray has probably been sitting alone somewhere in the GTO crying. "I love
you too," I say pulling him closer. I smile down at him as I stroke my
hand up his face wiping away a stray tear that has fallen from the corner
of one eye. "I love you too," I repeat as I kiss him lightly on the
forehead. 

 Ray returns the kiss, his cool lips making me start slightly. Shifting,
he wipes at his own eyes. "Why don't they see this?" he mimics my caress
with a slender hand. "Why don't they see the love? Why can't they accept
that we love each other?" 

 I am at a loss at how to answer his questions. "I don't know," I finally
admit softly. "Perhaps they don't want to see it. Perhaps they think it
will go away if they ignore it. And I suppose it must be hard for them to
believe that their son is in love with a man." I can feel Ray nodding his
head, but he remains silent. 

 We lay in silence, wrapped in each other's arm, our legs entwined. We are
so content and happy with our life together, and I wish with all my heart
that Ray's parents would understand how we feel - not for me, but for Ray.
I count myself lucky every day that he is with me - he is quite simply my
whole life, and I know I couldn't live without him. 

 I smile to myself as Ray begins to fidget in my embrace. I guessed that
he had something else on his mind - all I had to do was be patient, and I
knew he would tell me. Ray lets out another long sigh. "Promise you won't
be mad at me?" he finally says. 

 "I promise," I say as I kiss the top of his head. "I never get mad at
you." 

 Ray snorts. "Except when I leave my stuff all over the floor," he
giggles. "And then there's when I feed Dief cookies and pizza behind your
back. And then..." 

 "Well alright then," I silence him with a finger on his lips. "Let me put
it another way, I don't get mad at you all the time." 

 Ray smiles at me before sighing again. I squeeze him in encouragement
smiling back at him. "I chose today," Ray says cryptically. 

 "Chose what?" I ask confused. 

 Ray shifts in the embrace to stare up at me. "You," he smiles softly at
me. 

 "I don't understand," I stutter, still confused. "What do you....," I
start to say. 

 "Ssshh," he silences me using his finger on my lips. "I chose you today.
Well I chose you over a year ago.... but today," he babbles. 

 "Ray," I say more sharply than I intended. "You're blithering worse than
I do," I soften my tone, and add a smile. 

 "Sorry," he grins up at me. "What I was trying to say was that today I
decided that next month, either you and me go to dinner at my parents'
house or I don't go at all. And.... and I told them all today." 

 "Oh dear," I murmur. "Do you think that was wise?" 

 "Nah probably not," Ray replies. "I think it kinda put them off the
cherry pie my Mum had made." 

 "Oh Ray," I pull him closer. He's trying to be light-hearted, but I know
that this is hurting him, deep inside. I know that behind the constant
motion, noise and brashness, there is a kind, loving and sensitive man,
who is easily hurt. 

 "I'm OK Ben. Really," Ray insists as he senses my anxiety. He runs a hand
along my arm making me shiver. "But I just couldn't stand it any longer,"
he murmurs. "Mum and Dad sit there talking all about what they have been
doing. Listening to what my brother and his wife have done," he takes a
deep breath. "But they never ask or wanna hear what we've been doing." He
looks into my eyes, his expression earnest. "You know I ..... we had such
a great time last weekend. And I wanted to tell them all about it. Show
them the photos we took, but I knew they wouldn't be interested." Ray
caresses my arm again. "And I hate it. It sucks big time. So I told them
no more." 

 "I see," I mutter. My mind is in turmoil and I can feel my body tensing -
what if Ray's parents refuse to talk or see him again because of me. I
couldn't bear to be the cause of more pain for Ray. 

 "Ben. Are you OK?" Ray asks, his voice anxious. "Because I don't want you
to worry about anything. We're cool. OK?" He's done it again - he sensed
my rising panic. He's kissing me - soft gentle kisses, loving and
re-assuring kisses, and I relax my body. God, I am so lucky to have him in
my life. He's saying something, and I clear my mind of my silly worries to
concentrate on him and his words. 

 "It's just that you and me are important," Ray whispers. "I can live
without my parents, but I can't live without you." He taps my chest
lightly with a finger. "You and me. Forever. And to hell with everyone
else. OK?" 

 "Oh Ray," I pull him closer crushing him to my body. "Yes. Forever. I
love you. I love you," I chant happily. 

 "Love you too Ben," I can hear a smile in his voice. "But kinda crushing
me here." 

 "I know," I reply with a smile relaxing my arms slightly, but still
holding him close to me. 

 "Oh," Ray laughs. "OK then." He yawns as he snuggles closer resting his
head on my shoulder - his favourite place. I can hear his breathing
evening out as he starts to descend towards sleep. 

 "Ray," I can't help myself from worrying. "What if your parents don't
call?" 

 "Then they don't call," he mumbles, but his voice sounds determined. "And
I'll make you a cherry pie myself. OK?" 

 "Understood," I chuckle at the thought of Ray in the kitchen battling
with a cherry pie. I shift slightly looking down at Ray. He is fast
asleep, his head on my shoulder, an arm slung across my stomach. 

 Ray looks so peaceful, all his cares and worries stolen away by sleep. I
pull him closer, and he murmurs my name in his sleep. I frown into the
darkness knowing that the situation with his parents is far from over. I
look down and he is smiling slightly as he dreams. I know that I will do
everything in my power to keep him from being hurt. I smile knowing that
he would do no less for me. 

 I close my eyes listening to his soft breathing, and the feel of his
chest rising and falling against me. It soothes me, and I feel myself
drift towards sleep. 

 THE END 

 Views to: callinuk@yahoo.com 

End After Dark by Callie: callinuk@yahoo.com

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