Sensorium	   Sensorium

 by Rushlight

  

 Author's website: http://www.slashcity.org/~rushlight

 Disclaimer: No harm, no foul.

 Author's Notes: Many thanks once again go to Beth for encouragement and
audiencing.

 Story Notes: Once again, this series features a D/s relationship between
Fraser and Ray (no pain involved!). If that's not your thing, then you
might want to move on. :)

 This story is a sequel to: A Sign of My Affection 

 

 Fraser in Chains 8 - Sensorium
 by, Rushlight 

 There was something comforting about the evenings they spent at home
together, and Fraser wasn't quite sure how he'd ever lived without it.
Without Ray -- lovely Ray -- or without the odd rituals that had begun to
overtake their time alone together. 

 The analytical portion of his brain wanted to know why he found it so
arousing when Ray cuffed him. Chained him. Just the thought of it was
enough to make him shiver, deep inside. And it didn't make sense that it
should be that way. 

 But it didn't really matter what he knew. Because this new part of his
life wasn't about thinking; or rather, it was about not thinking. Not
thinking, not planning, not analyzing. Only feeling, and the things he
felt when he was with Ray were nothing but good. 

 And so he was content to tell the mouthy part of his brain to shut up and
enjoy the ride. It didn't even occur to him to wonder anymore if anyone
else shared the kind of love they did -- it worked for them, and that was
all that mattered. 

 Ray was a warm presence beside him on the couch, and Fraser smiled when
he offered him a potato chip from the bowl on the endtable. As was usual
for them anymore, Fraser was already naked while Ray was still wearing his
jeans and T-shirt from after his shower. Fraser took the chip from Ray's
fingers with his teeth, even though his hands weren't bound together, and
felt a warm flush of pleasure move through him at Ray's approving smile. 

 He was already wearing the cuffs and collar, although none of them were
attached. The soft shearling inside the cuffs was warm and familiar, and
the gentle constriction of the collar was still new enough to be exciting,
even though he'd worn it every night for nearly a week now. There was a
part of him that wished he could wear it to work during the day, tucked
safely out of sight beneath the high collar of his uniform. 

 So far, the practical part of his brain had prevented him from doing so. 

 But of course it was Ray who decided when he wore it, and when he would
take it off. Fraser's hands had never touched the buckle, and there was a
strange symbolism involved whenever Ray went through the act of putting it
on him. It was even more profound than with the cuffs, and Fraser found
himself aching for it at the beginning of their evenings, when he'd shed
his customary reserve the way he'd shed his serge. 

 And it was odd the way that worked. When the cuffs went on, instead of
feeling constricted he felt... free. It was strange to think he could find
pride in the act of submission, but he didn't have to understand it to
know it was true. He liked submitting to Ray, liked the feelings it
invoked in him. It was something he had to work at, but it was getting
easier every time. 

 He wondered where they'd be a year from now. 

 And he was thinking too damned much again, wasn't he? It wasn't something
he could just turn off, although being with Ray like this made it easier.
A quick glance at Ray showed him that Ray was involved in the movie they
were currently watching on television. Behind his profile, the edges of
the closed curtains over the window glowed amber from the light of the
streetlights outside. Dief was already asleep on his rug at the edge of
the room. 

 Feeling suddenly restless, Fraser leaned in against Ray's side, brushing
their shoulders together. It would have been easier to ask for what he
wanted, but Ray had given him strict instructions not to make a sound this
evening. It was one of the hardest things about this game they played, but
it was also what made it so exciting, knowing that he had to work at
following Ray's commands. 

 When Ray didn't object, Fraser pressed harder against him, bending in to
nuzzle at his ear. Ray's arm slid over his shoulders, softly encouraging,
and Fraser kissed the side of his neck lightly, hoping Ray would
understand the tacit plea. 

 "I was wondering how long you were going to sit there," Ray said. Fraser
could hear the grin in his voice. 

 It was almost enough to be irritating, but then Ray was kissing him, and
all thoughts of resentment fled Fraser's mind. Ray liked it when he asked
without words, and it was very rare that he wouldn't give in to what
Fraser wanted. It made Fraser feel indulged, and he smiled as Ray's tongue
licked over his, balancing himself with a hand against Ray's thigh. 

 Maybe if he worked very hard at pleasing Ray tonight, Ray would put the
chain on him. 

 The thought made him shiver, and he nuzzled up underneath Ray's chin,
sucking lightly at the skin. Ray's hand twitched against him, and then he
had both of Fraser's wrists held in a firm grip, pulling them around
behind his back. 

 Yes. This was what he wanted. Fraser offered mute thanks by giving Ray
his mouth again, and Ray kissed him deeply while he attached the clasp
between the cuffs, securing them firmly at the small of Fraser's back. 

 Wonderful. Fraser's heart was pounding now, and he could feel his pulse
throbbing against the leather collar on his neck. He wanted more now,
wanted Ray's attention focused entirely on him, and he was half-hard
already, just from this. 

 Ray's hand smoothed down his side, tracing the line of his ribs. The
caress was remarkably soothing, and Fraser let his breath out in a long
sigh, curling in against Ray's side. Ray's arm felt good around him, and
maybe he could find it in him to be content just with this, if it was all
Ray was willing to give him tonight. 

 Maybe. 

 His heartbeat spiked when he saw Ray reach for the chain pooled on the
endtable under the lamp. The soft spill of silver metal links winked in
the light as Ray held it out in front of him, letting the dangling clasp
at one end trail lightly over Fraser's arm. The look on his face was
vaguely bemused. 

 "I don't suppose you want me to put this on you tonight, do you?" he
asked, grinning. 

 Oh god, yes. Fraser let his eyes answer the question for him, and
something in Ray's eyes softened, became slightly warmer as he leaned
forward to kiss him. Ray liked to tease, but Fraser knew from experience
that it never lasted long. Ray's patience for foreplay was even shorter
than Fraser's own. 

 He bent his head forward when Ray moved to attach the chain to the ring
at the back of the collar. Then Ray trailed it carefully down the line of
his spine to attach to the cuffs, and Fraser had to lift his head for that
as the collar was pulled backwards. 

 After a moment's consideration, Ray tightened the chain another couple of
links, and Fraser shivered deeply at the feel of it. In this position, he
couldn't help keeping his chin tipped up slightly as his head was pulled
back by the collar. Every movement he made gifted him with the slide of
the metal chain over his back, and it felt almost hot against him, warmed
by his body heat and slickened by his sweat. 

 Bound and cherished, and he still didn't understand why it should feel so
very freeing. Ray's eyes were hot when they looked at him, and Fraser drew
in a trembling breath as Ray slid a hand over the front of his throat.
"Comfortable?" Ray asked, his voice soft, and Fraser nodded as much as the
confines of the collar would allow. 

 Ray's hand slid down over his chest, pausing briefly at his nipple, and
Fraser shivered again, feeling the heat pulsing through him pool between
his legs. Ray's hand felt good on him, and he couldn't help arching his
hips forward slightly when it trailed down over his thigh. 

 Ray chuckled softly, tapping the side of his knee with one finger.
"You're so impatient tonight." The chastisement was mild, but Fraser
frowned at it anyway, feeling the truth behind it. He was supposed to be
letting Ray take the lead here, and he knew he wasn't doing that. 

 But some nights were harder than others, when it came to letting go.
Fraser dropped his gaze and held himself very still, waiting for Ray to
tell him what to do next. That was hard, too, but he'd learned to trust
Ray over the past couple of months, in a way he had never trusted anyone
before. He knew Ray would take him to the place he needed to go, if only
he could be patient and wait for it. 

 A dark flicker in front of him made him raise his eyes again, and he
sucked in his breath when he saw what Ray had in his hand now. The
blindfold. And yes, Ray always seemed to know exactly what he needed. 

 Ray kissed him again, hard, before lifting the soft black cloth of the
blindfold over his eyes, tying it around in back of his head. Fraser held
his breath while Ray adjusted the fit over his eyes and the bridge of his
nose, making sure it wasn't too tight, and that no light was getting
through. They'd experimented with a lot of different blindfolds before
settling with one that suited them; it was like being struck abruptly
blind, without anything to orient himself with, anywhere. 

 Until Ray's hand brushed across his leg. Fraser couldn't help shivering
again, even though he didn't feel cold at all. Blind and chained now, and
there was a beauty to it that he couldn't explain. Ray's hand was warm on
his thigh, heavy as his fingertips traced patterns on the heated skin
there. It helped to ground Fraser in the darkness that enveloped him,
helped remind him that he wasn't alone. 

 "On the floor, Ben." 

 Fraser reacted immediately, sliding down off the couch and onto his knees
on the floor at Ray's feet. It felt awkward, bound as he was, but he made
an effort to be as graceful as possible, because he knew it would please
Ray. He felt his cheek brush the rough fabric of the jeans on Ray's thigh,
and he turned his face inward without thinking, chasing after the musky
heat he scented there. Ray chuckled and slid the fingers of one hand into
his hair, pulling him backward gently. 

 "Not yet," Ray murmured, and Fraser settled back on his heels to wait,
feeling the heat begin to rise in his face. He knew even without being
able to see that Ray was looking at him, and why that should be so
unnerving was utterly beyond him. Even so, he couldn't deny the strange
tingle of pride he felt glowing at the base of his spine, moving down into
the erection that hung heavily between his spread thighs. He knew Ray
found him beautiful, and there was an inexplicable pleasure to be found in
that. 

 Ray continued to stroke lazy fingers through the hair at the top of his
head, smoothing the sweaty strands away from Fraser's forehead, but he
made no other move as he settled back again to watch the movie on TV.
Fraser thought maybe he should feel some kind of embarrassment over that,
but all he felt was that familiar warm glow inside of him, soaking up the
feel of Ray's hand. 

 It felt like a gift, knowing he didn't have to think when he was bound
like this. Unable to see, unable to move, able only to feel the things Ray
wanted him to feel, what he allowed him to feel. It was freeing, in a way
Fraser never would have imagined. Not having to think, or evaluate, or
weigh the consequences, knowing full well that Ray would take care of him.
It felt like flying. 

 Even so, the waiting was beginning to become nearly unbearable. Sometimes
Ray kept him like this for hours, wanting, but Fraser had a feeling things
would move somewhat quicker tonight. He'd seen the hunger in Ray's eyes,
and the memory burned in him, making his skin twitch even as he tried to
be still. 

 Finally, Ray switched off the TV and pulled his hand away from Fraser's
hair. Fraser caught himself in the act of leaning forward to follow it,
and a moment later he stiffened at the sound of a zipper being drawn down.
It sounded shockingly loud in the darkness that surrounded him. 

 "What do you want, Ben?" Ray's voice was soft, and Fraser licked his lips
hungrily, catching the scent of him on the air. He couldn't feel anything
other than the hard press of the carpet against his knees, his toes, and
the cool brush of the air across his skin. And he wanted more. So very
much more. 

 There was another low sound, a rustling of fabric, sliding hard against
sweat-slicked skin, and Fraser tensed still further when he realized that
Ray was removing his jeans. Another low susurration of cloth -- his shirt?
Fraser tried to picture Ray sitting naked on the couch, a vision of tanned
skin and lean muscles sprawled out close enough to touch. The image forced
a low sound out of his throat, and he clamped his jaws together hard to
stop it. 

 He could hear the smile in Ray's voice when he spoke next. "What do you
want?" There was a low purr underlying the words that Fraser wanted to
hear more of, a confidence that said he knew he had Fraser exactly where
he wanted him. And Fraser was exactly where he wanted to be. He hesitated,
uncertain if the question warranted the breaking of Ray's earlier
admonition not to speak. 

 Another small sound escaped him when Ray's hand moved back to his hair,
stroking hard with his fingers. Fraser pressed his head up into the
caress, wanting more of it. Ray's other hand cupped under his chin,
stroking down to the collar at his throat. "Do you want to suck me?" Ray's
voice was low, even. "Do you want me to fuck you? You want to fuck me? You
want me to jerk you off?" 

 *Yes,* Fraser wanted to tell him. Yes to all of it. He wanted it all,
every last bit of it, and he wanted it now. Shameful, how demanding his
libido got whenever he reached this stage with Ray. 

 He knew Ray was smiling without having to see him. And then Ray was
kissing him, and Fraser almost collapsed in relief at the feel of Ray's
mouth on his, the warm tongue tracing his lips and teeth and then making
its way in, laying claim to him. But Ray's hands were there, steadying
him, supporting him as Fraser leaned into the kiss, chasing after it
stubbornly when Ray pulled away. 

 "Easy, Ben." Ray's voice was a gentle chastisement, and Fraser sank back
onto his heels, breathing hard. It was so difficult sometimes, doing the
things Ray asked of him. But it wouldn't be worth anything if it were
easy, now would it? The pleasure came out of the choice of submission, for
both him and Ray. 

 Then Ray's hands were back, rewarding him for his restraint, and Fraser
nuzzled into the one that ghosted across his face, pressing a fleeting
kiss against the palm. Then Ray was urging him upward gently, and Fraser
did his best to obey, feeling awkward because of the constraints of the
collar and chain. His balance was off, but Ray helped him, and soon he
found himself settling forward onto the couch, kneeling on the cushion
over top of Ray's thighs. 

 Picturing the significance of the position he was in made Fraser shake
with anticipation, and he didn't seem able to stop. Ray's hands on his
arms were soothing, stroking hard into his skin. Ray kissed under his
chin, biting the skin there lightly, and Fraser shifted into a slightly
more comfortable position, feeling the heat of Ray's erection press up
hard against his ass. 

 The low moan they each made at that came in perfect unison, and Fraser
shuddered, once, before Ray's arms moved around him. Strong fingers raked
hard down his back, giving him the briefest touch of nail, and Fraser
tossed his head back at the sensation of it against his sensitized skin,
protesting the constriction of the collar that bound him. He was breathing
deeply now, unable to control the tremors that moved through him. He was
so hard he was aching. 

 Instantly, Ray's hands were there again, soothing him, bringing him down
from the edge. "Easy," Ray whispered to him, nuzzling forward against his
chest. He swiped his tongue over Fraser's left nipple, pressing briefly
against the pebbled nub. Fraser drew in a deep breath and then let it out
slowly, making a conscious effort to let Ray set the pace, to guide them
in this. 

 He heard the soft snick of a tube opening, and Fraser flushed hotly at
the realization that Ray must have hidden it underneath one of the pillows
earlier in anticipation of this moment. Ray kissed him again, too quickly
for Fraser to do more than lean into it, and then Ray's hand was braced
against the back of his neck, urging him to rest his head forward against
his shoulder. 

 "Up on your knees, Ben," Ray whispered, and Fraser obeyed so fast it left
him dizzy, pressing his forehead hard against the side of Ray's neck for
balance. He mouthed blindly at the curve of Ray's collarbone, tasting the
salt of his skin. And then his breath left him in a low, drawn-out hiss as
two of Ray's fingers pressed into his ass, slicked cool with gel. 

 "Easy," Ray whispered again, and Fraser shuddered, pressing back against
Ray's fingers. He could feel them inside him now, stretching him, and he
shuddered again when Ray put a hand on his shoulder, urging him to sink
down further onto them. Then up again, rising up on his knees, and down
again, letting his breath out in a heavy sigh. They were both breathing in
unison now, hard and even in rhythm with his movements as he fucked
himself on Ray's fingers. 

 "God, Ben." Ray's voice was shaky. Fraser kissed the side of his neck,
tasting the sweat there, and Ray smoothed a hand down his spine, tracing
the line of the chain. Fraser could feel it pressing into his back with
each flex of his muscles, tugging on the collar at his neck. The feel of
it filled him with a high, wild recklessness that seemed almost predatory
in its hunger, its need, and he rode the wave of it easily, letting Ray's
hands guide him. 

 Up again, and Ray's fingers were gone. Fraser made a soft sound of
protest before he caught himself, and he pressed his cheek against Ray's
shoulder in mute apology. Ray's hand slid across the back of his shoulder,
soothing him, and Fraser squeezed his eyes shut tight behind the blindfold
when Ray's other hand moved down to his hip, helping to steady him. 

 Fraser's thighs were shaking now with the effort of remaining upright,
but then the hand on his back was gone and he felt the blunt pressure of
Ray's cock against his hole. Fraser bit back a groan and fought the urge
to press himself back onto it, waiting for Ray to give him permission to
proceed. 

 Then the hand on his hip pushed down, and Fraser gave into its urging
with a strangled gasp, feeling the muscles of his back tighten as Ray's
solid warmth eased into him. And Ray was so hard inside him, so hot, and
Fraser bit down on Ray's shoulder again, struggling hard to keep from
sobbing his pleasure aloud. 

 His ass settled down against the sweaty heat of Ray's thighs; Ray was
buried so deep inside him, filling him, and Fraser wasn't sure of anything
else in all the world right now except that he didn't want this to ever,
ever end. Ray's arm was warm around him, hard strength leashed in a caress
that was soothing, encouraging, and Fraser raised himself up again on
shaking thighs before pressing down again, hard. 

 And there was nothing now, nothing except the feel of Ray, and the scent
of him, and the pleasure that coiled through Fraser like a living thing,
making him bite his lower lip to keep from crying out. Fraser rode him
easily, up and down, letting the pleasure guide him, ground him, as Ray's
hands painted tender fire across his skin. Ray was gasping now, breath hot
against his ear, and the fingers that curled deep in the hair at the back
of his head were shaking when they pulled Fraser's head gently back so he
could reach Fraser's mouth for a kiss. 

 Fraser let his mouth fall open eagerly, taking Ray in, accepting
everything Ray had to offer, giving everything he had in return. The kiss
was wet and almost brutal, and Ray grunted hard when Fraser slammed down
into his lap again, muscles working, taking Ray in and in and in, in
whatever way Ray would allow him. Ray's tongue was hot and slick,
impossible to contain, and it licked a searing path to Fraser's ear where
sharp teeth bit down against him, muffling another cry. 

 "S'okay, Ben," Ray rasped, arching up with his hips on Fraser's next
downward thrust. His fingers curled around Fraser's erection, squeezing
hard on the upstroke. "Let me hear you. Wanna hear you...." 

 And now that he didn't have to hold back, Fraser let go with a low,
keening groan, crying out sharply when he pressed down again, angling his
hips so Ray's cock hit up hard against his prostate. There was sweat
dripping down from the hair over his forehead now, dampening the
blindfold, but he barely noticed it as he rode the hot cock inside of him,
shoving his own cock deep into the slick tunnel of Ray's fist. Sweat slid
down between his shoulder blades, over his thighs, and he was hot with it,
dizzy with it, as Ray pressed up hard to meet him, again and again and
again. 

 Ray came first, stiffening with a loud cry, and Fraser moaned in muted
empathy as he felt the slick heat of Ray's climax fill him. Ray's fingers
tightened around him, digging deep furrows into his hip, and Fraser cried
out sharply when the hand around his cock sped up, slick with sweat and
pre-come as it jerked him. Another handful of thrusts into that sweet heat
and he was coming, giving a ragged cry as he arched against the collar
binding him, feeling the links of the chain press hard against his back.
The constriction on his throat left him gasping as he floated down from
his orgasm, feeling the strength bleed out of him. 

 A quick movement at the back of his neck, and the chain was gone,
dangling down from the cuffs at his wrists. Fraser sucked in a breath
gratefully and curled bonelessly against Ray's chest, trusting Ray to hold
him. 

 "Jesus, Ben." Ray's voice was hoarse. He rubbed a hand over Fraser's back
and turned him sideways against the back of the couch, cradling his head
with one hand. Fraser made a small sound when Ray's softened cock slipped
out of him, and then the cushions of the couch were soft against his back
and side, supporting his weight. 

 "I'm gonna take off the blindfold now, okay?" Ray said. Fraser nodded,
pressing his eyes shut tight. A moment later, the blindfold was gone, and
he found himself blinking in the suddenly harsh light of the room. 

 Ray's face swam into focus above him, looking worried, and Fraser smiled
up at him. He knew he should say something to let Ray know he was all
right, that he wasn't hurt, but there just weren't words for the things he
wanted to tell him. Things like thank you and love you and please can we
do this again. The latter thought made him laugh suddenly, tipping his
head back over the arm of the couch as he shifted to ease the slowly
growing aches in his muscles. 

 Ray's hand slid behind him to unhitch the cuffs, and Fraser drew his
hands forward gratefully. He'd be feeling this one for a few days, at
least. Ray's hand settled onto his hip, thumb tracing forward across his
sweat-slickened skin, and Fraser nuzzled forward against him, letting out
his breath in a soft sigh. 

 "I'm fine, Ray," he said, wanting to reassure. And it was so hard to
admit that he needed this, but.... "Thank you." 

 Ray's expression softened, and Fraser knew he understood exactly how hard
that admission had been for him. He slid a hand back over Fraser's hair,
pressing a light kiss to his forehead. "You're welcome." There was a smile
in the words. 

 And in spite of everything, this was the part that Fraser loved best.
Just lying here with Ray's arms around him, feeling exhausted in both body
and spirit, and knowing he was loved. All their games aside, this was what
kept him coming back again, every single time. 

 "Love you," he whispered, burrowing forward against Ray's chest. He
wasn't even sure that Ray could hear him, but it didn't really matter. He
knew Ray understood, and that was all that counted. Already, he could feel
the need for sleep falling over him. 

 Ray would insist they move to the bed later, but for now, Fraser was
content right where he was, cradled safe in the circle of Ray's arms. It
still felt like a new experience to Fraser, even after all these months of
having Ray in his bed. He wasn't sure the novelty of it would ever wear
off. 

 It was amazing the things one could get used to, given enough exposure. 

 And it was equally amazing the things one could decide one couldn't live
without. 

 The End
 7/7/02 

End Sensorium by Rushlight: n_sanity75@hotmail.com

Author and story notes above.