Consequences by L.A.K.    Consequences
 by L.A.K.
 This is an altered version of the story I submitted for the Thanksgiving
challenge put forth by "thecloset". (Yes, I know it's being archived
*very* late! It may not seem like it has anything to do with our boys at
first, but I promise you it does. Thanks to Mary Healey for the
self-hypnosis idea.
 Pairings: BF/RV
 Copyright to Alliance.
 Rated NC-17 for m/m sex. Contains a female character of my own creation.
Thanx for the use of lyrics from the album "Whaler" by Sophie B. Hawkins
and "Unrecoupable One Man Bandit" by George O'Dowd. 
 

    Consequences
 by L.A.K.  

  "**I'm a lonely solider on a downtown train to your place. You've
launched a secret heart with your face. You don't always say what I want
to hear, but you move me. I've crossed the rooftops and into the deep blue
sea. Did we not choose each other...or are we just heroes for the day?
This time I will stand by you - and mine is the heart I will save.**" -
Sophie B. Hawkins 

 It was late. There was still just enough time left. Marc wasn't expecting
her back for a while and as long as her flight wasn't delayed, she knew
she'd get home as scheduled. The leaves crunched under her feet as she
made her way through the concrete stones and elaborate markers. She
kneels, placing the flowers at the head of the gravestone. She wishes her
visits could be more often, yet time and the expense of traveling prevent
it. Standing, she manages a smile and brushes her long, straight black
hair out of her brown eyes. 

 "Hi, dad." she whispers. 

 She is alone in the cemetery. The sun is setting, casting a warm glow on
her earth-tone skin. 

 "Not much has been going on lately. We did get a new cat." she states.
"Marc found him in the yard out back. I named him Randy. I think George is
going to like him. They have taken to each other okay so far, even though
we've had George for five years now. He's still a good dog." 

 She smiles again. 

 "I'm talking about my animals like they were my children again. Jeez,
dad, I don't even know if you'd care or not that I'm not gonna' have kids.
I just don't think I'd be very good at it, ya' know? Mom wasn't too happy
about that, but she hasn't said much. She's been okay, as well. Michael is
just the same as always, annoying as can be. At least he's been able to
keep his job." 

 Touching the top of the marble, she lowers her voice. 

 "I do have something to tell you, though. I...I've found him, dad. I
can't believe it. It took some digging, I can tell you that! You won't
believe where he is. Well, I guess he really could've been anywhere, but
why the states surprise me, I don't know." 

 She kneels again, almost as if he could hear her better if she were
closer. "I need to see him, to talk to him. Just for a while. I need to
let him know. You can understand that, right? I believe you, of all
people, understands that." 

 She stands. 

 "Now, my only problem is getting it passed mom." 

  **"I drew a hard line, but I just can't see it. Your colors are bleeding
all over my bullshit. I want to be your style, but I gotta' learn to feel
myself. I want your love and I need your help.// Can we not judge each
other? I'd rather wipe your tears away. I can follow my heart to the end,
but I just can't choose the way."** - Sophie B. Hawkins 

  It was sublime. There was no equal or possible competition. Watching his
partner out of the corner of his eye, the Constable reflected on the
night's earlier events, when his lover had, once again, taken him to new
heights of utter bliss. No one had ever made him feel this way. 

 Not even her. 

 He wished Ray could believe that. 

 Ben knew the detective was apprehensive about their relationship. Ray
acted as if he were concerned with what the world thought, how his family
would react, which Ben thought was odd. Ray had always been so passionate
about everything in the past. Why would the perception of others make a
difference now? It didn't matter, though. He loved Ray. Nothing would
change that. However, he was aware it was more than what his partner was
letting on. 

 After they had become lovers, Ray asked him one night, to explain what
his and Victoria's connection had been like, how it formed while at
Fortitude Pass, during the blizzard. Foolishly, Ben did. They were dying,
he explained, and when that happens and you are clinging to someone
literally, emotionally and spiritually, a bond beyond comprehension is
formed. Nothing or no one matters. You lose all essence of one's self as
you slip from life. Two souls mingle to create a force with which to
battle death. They connected to survive and would forever carry a part of
one another inside, despite her "darkness". And just as when one tells
tales of intimacy between rivals, he could see it, by the look on Ray's
face. The jealousy, the hatred, and the feeling Ray would *never* be able
to touch that part of him. 

 He might as well have told him how good she was in bed. 

 Ray now believed she would always be between them. Fraser would always
carry a part of her with him on a spiritual level and Ray hated that. Ben
sighed, trying to ignore the residual remorse that did linger, lamenting
chances lost. He wondered if he would ever be free of that guilt. It
angered Ray to no end for Ben to mourn something that never truly was.
Still, the most sickening fact to Ray was if she had never came to Chicago
and tried her best to rip them apart, he might never have realized how
much he loved his Mountie. 

 The Canadian would never forget how he discovered Ray was in love with
him. It hadn't been long after Victoria had left, when one day, while
stuck in rush hour traffic, Ben casually explained to his partner the
technique of self-hypnosis, a rare ability to shield oneself from emotions
of extreme trauma or shock. Little did Ben know, Ray was taking meticulous
mental notes for his own his personal use. He was able to develop a
successful block for his secret feelings. It quite effectively hid his
feelings from the world and, of course, Ben. 

 It had taken days, the two of them alone in Ben's apartment, him simply
holding Ray, encouraging him to release his pent-up emotions. Words had
hardly been necessary between them during the entire time. About two days
into his helping Ray's "withdrawal", did Fraser realize he *did* care
enough for the Italian enough to make love with him. That was all it took.
They had bonded. Ben remembered how eerily the entire event mirrored his
encounter with Victoria, nearly eleven years ago. 

 Like then, he had tracked a lost soul to a barren wasteland. For Ray, it
was the same, only it had been an emotional desert. Ben huddled with them,
desperate to keep them alive, only to realize *his* life had become
intertwined with his quarry. The intense closeness with Ray, of course,
was much less terrifying and dying was the last thing on his mind. His
worry was for Ray, who nearly died coming out of the year-long spell of
repressed longing. 

 They were at Ben's apartment now, with the Canadian getting his things
ready for the next day. Ray was wearing the silk green robe that brought
his eyes in a way that made Ben's heart race. His lover was waiting,
although not patiently. 

 "Benny, are you done yet?!" 

 "No, Ray. I told you not to wait up for me, that I would be a while. Go
on to bed." 

 "I know what you told me." Ray seethed. "I'm just tired of waiting." 

 "In speaking of waiting, Ray, were you going to tell your family-" 

 "NO!" he yelled. "What do think I'm gonna' do, Fraser?! Ruin their
holiday?! By the way, Ma, your son is gay! Oh, and Frannie, the man of
your dreams is screwing ME, your brother." 

 "Frannie already knows, Ray." 

 "*That's* not gonna' make a difference when she hears it from me,
presented like it's some damned engagement announcement!" 

 Ben grimaced at the slight, but Ray refused to notice. 

 "Well, Ray, be thankful for the fact-" 

 "WHAT, Fraser!?" Ray screamed, slamming his fist on the wall. "You tell
me what the Hell I should be thankful for!!" 

 "Ray, what's gotten into you?!" 

 Emerald gems caught fire as he glared at the Mountie. 

 "I'll tell you, Fraser, what's gotten into me." 

 With that, the detective whipped out a picture from his pocket of the
robe and tossed it at Fraser. It landed on the counter. The image of a
woman with curly dark hair and pale blue eyes with a scarf pulled almost
up around her face, nearly obscuring her identity. It was the coldest,
darkest gaze either man had ever seen. Days ago, Fraser had been looking
at it and Ray had found it. 

 Ben could not look at him. Ray continued his tirade. 

 "Why the *Hell* were you looking at her picture, Benny!? Isn't she still
inside you somewhere?! 

 What the FUCK do you need with a picture, when you're still ripping out
your guts over doing your *JOB*!?" 

 *My job.* Ben thought ruefully. 

 Turning Victoria over to the authorities once they'd made it back to
civilization was almost a reflex. Get up, shine your boots, eat, work out,
send your soulmate to prison. 

 It was his duty, something that had been drilled into him since he was a
child. His father, absent most of the time due to his work as a Mountie,
had taught him that as far back as he could remember. It was only after he
turned her in, did he realize what a mistake he'd made. By then, it was
too late. Victoria's hatred for him had been just, he reasoned, but it did
not make up for her actions once she had been released. He tried, as
painlessly as possible, to bring her in, only to fail and then make the
mistake at the end of it all by trying to jump for the train to go with
her. He nearly died for his attempt to be with her again. It was that very
same event which made Ray realize he was in love with Fraser. Now, that
very same woman, responsible for bringing them together, just might rip
them apart. Ben simply hadn't completely let go of the shame of sending
her away to begin with. He knew he didn't love her anymore and it was rare
to experience the regret. Still, Ray resented it. 

 "Ray, please, I..." 

 "You what, Fraser?! When do you start caring about me this much?! Am I in
your soul now or are you still paying rent in blood to keep her *darkness*
in there?" 

 Sapphire eyes stared hard at the Italian. 

 "*That* was uncalled for." Ben informed him. 

 "So was this." Ray retorted, indicating the picture. "She was guilty, you
know that! What more does it take to see you were right?" 

 "W-what does it take for you to know that I love you, Ray?" 

 They locked eyes. 

 "Why can't you believe that?" Ben asked him. 

 Ray walked to the window and stared out at the night sky. 

 "When would you have come back, Benny? Can you tell me that? A month, a
week, a day? Don't get me wrong. I always believed you'd have come back. I
knew you wouldn't let me lose the bond for the house, ruin my career or
let me go to jail for the frame-up job she did. But I see you doin' this
stuff, pining over her like this and it makes me wonder how long it might
have taken for your *brain* to kick in again." 

 "I...I can't answer that, for certain, Ray. But, I'd like to believe I
would've come to my senses immediately." 

 When Ray spoke, the resignation was obvious in his voice. 

 "I guess we'll never know for sure." 

  The sun had set, the night covering the winter evening. The plane had
been delayed, but Ana was on her way. There weren't many people on this
flight and for that she was grateful. She wanted to be alone in her morose
thoughts. It was just as good, though, seeing the confrontation between
her and her mother regarding the trip in question lasted longer than she
had anticipated. Denise, her mother, never did calm completely down after
their argument. The stars were out that night. While on the plane, Ana
recalled seeing a picture frame on the wall of her mother's house. It
displayed an old Eskimo saying: 

 **Perhaps they are not stars. Maybe they are the spirits of loved ones
passed, which are shinning down from the heavens to let us know they're
happy** 

 "Well, dad," she whispered, "I've also heard people can sometimes see
their loved ones after they've died, in spirit form. But, if they don't,
that can sometimes mean their business on Earth was finished and they're
resting in peace now. I don't understand how that could be. Why haven't I
seen you?! It makes me think you were *done* with us." 

 She choked up, but stopped her tears quickly. 

 "I still miss you sometimes, dad, that's all." 

 A man, about the age of twenty-five, remained silent in the seat behind
her, a man no one could see or hear. Not even her. He watched as the young
woman tried her best to "be a brave little lady" as he had told her to
before he left and never came back. He was so proud of her, knowing what
she was doing, especially at this time of the year. She was going on a
trek, a journey to gives thanks to a total stranger who had deeply
affected her life, as well as his. Even if is was after his death. 

  The next day was typical for Ben. He needed to complete some necessary
paperwork, so he had stayed late at the Consulate, but then he'd be free
to leave. He was surprised to see Ray enter his office, however. After
last night, he wasn't sure when he'd see his lover again. 

 "Ray...I'm glad you came." 

 "That's okay, Benny. The ride is no big deal." 

 It was around six and it was dark outside. Ray went to watch the snow was
fall. Ben allowed him the solitude. It worried Ben as to how long this
silence could go on between them. At that moment there was a soft knock on
the door to his office. Both men exchanged glances. Who would be visiting
Fraser at this time of night? 

 "Come in." said Ben. 

 A young, attractive Indian woman stuck her head in. 

 "Hello..." she said, taking in both men in the room. "I'm sorry, I don't
mean to disturb you. I'm looking for Benton Fraser." 

 "That's me, ma'am. Come in please." 

 He stood to greet his guest, surprised she said his name correctly. Ray
turned away, disgruntled at being interrupted. 

 "I'm sorry I'm so late." she said, clearly awe-struck by the man before
her, while slowly shaking his hand. "My flight was delayed. I'm Ana
Knightbird. Are you *sure* you're Benton Fraser?" 

 Ray rolled his eyes at, what he considered to be, a hideous attempt at
flirting. Yes, the Mountie was gorgeous, but must they drool *all* the
time? 

 "Er...yes, I am. Constable Benton Fraser. Is...something wrong?" 

 "I just expected you to be...older, that's all." 

 She seemed to be talking more to herself than anyone. She shook her head
a bit to clear it. 

 "And you, kind sir?" Ana said, addressing Ray. 

 He turned to see her outstretched hand. He took it obligingly. 

 "Detective Ray Vecchio. Chicago, P.D." 

 "It's a pleasure to meet you." She said, smiling. 

 Fraser could sense just how irritated Ray was and decided to intervene. 

 "Ma'am, what may I help you with?" 

 She brought her attention back to the man in red serge. She looked at
him, her auburn eyes wide with astonishment. 

 "Sir, does the name William Knightbird mean anything to you?" 

 "I'm afraid not. Should it?" 

 "May I tell you a bit about him before I tell you why I'm here?" 

 He could see Ray was ready to make a fuss to find out why this female was
taking up their time. 

 "Please, yes. That would not be a problem." 

 "Perhaps I should leave." Ray snapped. 

 "No, please, Detective. Don't leave." Ana said. "I would like for you to
stay." 

 The simple plea from the young woman disarmed the Italian. There was
warmth in her smile. He was taken aback at the sincerity with which she
spoke. 

 "Um...sure." 

 He was starting to wonder just who she was trying to flirt with. 

 "His name was William Knightbird." Ana stated. "He stood about five-eight
at 145lbs." 

 She slid a picture from her briefcase across the desk to Ben. It was an
8x10 of a man in his mid-twenties, playing with a little girl. That same
girl was before him now, only much older. 

 "He had brownish-black hair and green-hazel eyes. From what I gather, he
*was* Indian, but how he got those eyes, I don't know." 

 She shot Ray a quick look, who returned it quizzically. Once he realized
the eye color she mentioned was the same as his own, he smiled at her
observation. "He liked to fish and garden and protect the animals on his
property. He only hunted quail. He did that for me, you know. When I found
out he hunted deer, I asked him to stop and he did. Just like that." 

 Ben just smiled and observed the photo before him. 

 "He taught us, my brother and I, how to catch fish and clean them." 

 "I bet you hated that." Ray quietly piped in. He could see she wasn't a
bad person, just Mountie-struck. 

 "No. My brother did, though." 

 Both men raised their eyebrows at her words. She continued her
description. 

 "He also taught us how to build a fire and how the constellations were
displayed in the northern sky." 

 "You're from Canada." Ben stated, still smiling slightly. 

 It brought her back from her memories. 

 "Originally, yes. My mother and I moved to the states when I was about
eleven." The wonder in her voice was back and was clearly visible in her
face. "You see, my father was killed. My mother had to raise us alone."
The room went silent for a moment, save for the rustle of snow outside the
window. 

 "What happened?" Ray finally asked. 

 Ben could see her swallow hard. She looked at him and wiped at her eyes. 

 "He was killed in a robbery." 

 "I'm sorry for your loss, Ana." Ben said solemnly. 

 "Where in the states did this happen?" Ray asked. 

 She met his gaze. 

 "It didn't happen in the states, detective. It happened in Canada. Eleven
years ago." 

 Her gaze grew fierce, and floated to Ben, a riveting blend of ice and
heat, holding the Mountie completely still. Her voice took on an odd
monotone. It made the fine hair on the back of his neck stand up,
accompanying the chill gripping his skin. 

 "He was a security guard at a bank, when two armed men came in. One of
them shot and killed William Knightbird. Then...there was the one who
would make sure they could get away..." 

 Her words trailed off. Ben could not believe it. He felt the room grow
dark. "Mr. Knightbird was my father." 

 Her voice was calm, steady, while stating the information he already
knew. Tears he wasn't even aware that were present threatened to slide
down his face. Both of his hands placed directly in front of himself, flat
on the desk, the picture of the slain husband and father between them. The
room started to spin. As before, he refused to give in, he would *not*
allow the blackness to take him. He would hear her out. He used her voice
to stay awake. 

 "Then, there was a man...w-who..." 

 She struggled to keep her voice going and the sadness at bay. It wasn't
working. 

 "H-he tracked the driver down, went after her, in the bitter cold
and...brought her back, r-risking his life. Above and b-beyond the call of
duty...t-to justice." 

 She paused to get herself under control. 

 "I'm h-here, Constable, to finally tell you what I've wanted to tell you
for some time now......t-thank you." 

 That was it. She broke down crying. The stoic Mountie faired little
better. Ray placed the tissues in the center of the desk and went to stand
by the window. No one noticed the dark-haired man with the golden-hazel
eyes crying silently in the corner. 

  It took a while for both of them to calm down. Ben had not moved an
inch, attempting to remain as pseudo-stoic as possible. It was Ana who
spoke first, her voice pure venom. 

 "Now, before you swell with pride, Constable, I think you should know
that for years I *hated* you. My mother...cultivated that loathing. She
despises what you did to this day. She seen my coming here as a betrayal
to her, as did my husband." 

 Finally, Ben was able to look at her. 

 "You see, in her eyes, you *saved* that woman." she told him. "Without
you, she would have died out there. I struggled with my decision to come
here and what to say once I was looking at you. My husband feels you
helped a criminal who helped to ruin my childhood." 

 She paused. 

 "Victoria Metcalf got ten years." She said bitterly.. "My father got
life. That doesn't seem like 'justice' to me. I grew up without a father,
sir. Do you have any idea what that is like?!" 

 Ben could not responded, his eyes again retreating to the tabletop again.
She had no idea how *very* much the Mountie understood. 

 "My mother felt cut in half and my brother lost his hero. I...I lost...my
best friend. I hope that never happens to you, Mr. Fraser. Unlike my
mother, I don't see how it would help!" 

 She got a grip on herself, then started again. 

 "As I got older, though, I learned more about my father. I realized he
would've wanted justice, not revenge. Which is why I'm here to say thank
you, instead of wanting to see you dead. Along with her. You can see why
it took me eleven years to come to grips with this decision." 

 Ben swallowed hard, forcing his words out. 

 "How...how did you find me?" 

 Her face grew solemn. 

 "She told me your name." 

 The Constable's heart did a flip. Ana had visited Victoria in prison.
Finally, after several minutes of deafening silence, Ray interceded. 

 "Can you...leave us alone for a while? Please?" 

 "Of course." 

 She stood, making her way to the door. Her hand was on the doorknob when
she spoke again. 

 "By the way, I know she's been released. This...may sound silly, but I'd
watch out for her if she comes to visit. She's a beautiful woman with a
lot of pain and hatred. *That* she didn't have to tell me. I could see it
in her eyes and heard it in every word she spoke. Just...be careful." 

 Ana left, waiting outside the door, her own sadness overwhelming her, as
the controlled Mountie wept silently in his lover's arms. 

  Ray invited Ana to Thanksgiving dinner at the Vecchio household. In the
short time since Ana had come to Chicago, she had managed to befriend the
Canadian and the Italian cop. Her hometown wasn't that far away and she
would be able to make dinner at her mother's as well. Sophia Vecchio was,
of course, thrilled to feed another friend of Ray's. Tony and a few
friends were watching football, while the many children sat at a table
lined with all sorts of drawing materials. One young boy, a friend of the
family, could not stop staring at Ana. He had been drawing a stunning
picture of a Thanksgiving dinner, complete with pilgrims and log cabin. He
finally gathered enough courage to come up to her. 

 "Why is your skin so dark?" 

 "Reggie! Come over here and don't bother the nice lady!" chided Maria. 

 "No, it's okay." Ana nervously replied. "I'm dark because I'm Indian,
sweetheart. That's means my parents came from another race." 

 "What's a race?" he shot back. 

 "Well, it's a bunch of people who are different because of the way they
look." 

 "Does that make them different than me?" 

 "Only in the way we look, honey. Can I see your drawing? Oh, it's
wonderful!" 

 "Come here, kiddo." Ray said, entering the room while smiling. "Go help
Ma, okay?" 

 A huge grin spread over the little boy's face. 

 "Can I have the turkey's gibilettes?!" 

 A good laugh could be heard by the gentlemen watching TV in the other
room. 

 "Sure, if Ma says it's okay." said Ray. 

 After Reggie ran off, Ray went into another room and motioned for Ana to
follow. He reached her a glass of eggnog. 

 "It's a little early for *that*, don't you think, Ray?" she quipped. 

 "I like eggnog." he responded. "Not many here do. It's like the whole
cranberries I get Ma to buy. I'm the only one who loves them." 

 "I love whole cranberries!" she responded. 

 "You do!? Man, we are rare! How can they stand that *jellied* crap?!" 

 "Yeah, I know what you mean." 

 Shockingly, they were alone here. A nervous silence followed. Ana
indicated the picture Reggie had done. 

 "He's got talent." 

 "Yeah, he does. You...were wonderful with him." 

 Ana looked at the Italian, his green eyes and adorable grin and said a
quick prayer in hopes she wasn't going to be cursed for ignoring the ring
on her left hand. 

 "Ha! That's a good one." she said. "I was scared I'd say the wrong thing.
Kids are so impressionable. Besides, I'm nothing like Fraser." 

 They watched through the window to the back yard, while the Mountie was
being true to his title, allowing the children to climb all over him,
while he entertained them with stories. 

 "*No one* is like Fraser." said Ray. 

 "I gathered that. You're...a lucky man." 

 They stared at each other, a question hovering between them. 

 There *was* something there, between Ray and her, but neither one had
made a move, both scared of the truth. Not that any of it really mattered,
of course. She was married and he was committed to Ben. Since Ana had
entered their lives, however short the duration was, he'd noticed a change
in Fraser. He was more relaxed and now seemed to be truly enjoying
himself, instead of hoping to blend into the background. The light in his
eyes every time Ben looked at Ana *wasn't* out of desire, Ray realized. It
was something he couldn't put into words. Whatever it was, his lover was
happier and so were the both of them. 

 "Yeah..." he said slowly. "You're right about that." 

 "I'm glad." she said. 

 "You're lying." 

 "I know." 

 "Thank you." 

 "No." she said, sitting down her glass. "Thank you for taking care of
him. He deserves it." 

 She stepped closer. "But, we always don't get what we deserve, now do
we?" she asked, her chocolate eyes shining. 

 She enclosed her arms around him and he allowed it, quickly returning the
gesture. Their lips touched tentatively, then locked together in abandon.
After a minute of kissing furiously, Ana slid her hand up over his back,
the broad shoulders, to the peach-fuzz hair and cupped his cheek. 

 "*Damn*, you are so sexy." she breathed. 

 Ray chuckled. 

 "You're not so bad yourself!" he replied. 

 "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." she said, backing off. 

 "No, it's okay. I wanted to." he assured her, touching her cheek. "It's
just...well, you know." 

 "You love him." she said smiling. 

 "Yes." 

 "Don't worry, I know the feeling." She mumbled, obviously feeling guilty
and embarrassed. 

 Ray smiled. 

 "Let's go see if Ma needs help." 

 "Sure." 

 What they didn't notice was the Canadian who, with his extraordinary
Mountie sight, could see them through the window. 

  Dinner went well, but Ray could tell Ben was becoming increasingly
distant as the evening progressed. They made it back to Ben's place late. 

 "Thank you for dropping me off, Ray." 

 The detective gave him a questioning look. His tone indicated Ray should
be leaving. 

 "Um...that's fine, Benny. Can I...stay for a while?" 

 Ben said nothing at first. He picked up one of his boots and began to
shine it determinedly. 

 "Are you sure, Ray, you're not *wanted* elsewhere?" 

 "What's that suppose to mean?" 

 "I'm just saying if there is *someone else*, more suitable to your
liking, Ray, there's no reason for you to be here." 

 Ray squinted his brow. 

 "You mean Ana?!" 

 "Yes, Ray." 

 Ray sighed. He wanted to kick himself for not realizing Ben could see
them. 

 "I'm sorry, Benny." 

 "No, that's okay, Ray. I can understand how you'd want a much more
*appropriate* relationship. At least you wouldn't be ashamed of telling
your family about her." 

 "Benny! All I did was kiss her and I said I was sorry. It's not like it's
gonna' happen again." 

 "Yes, it will, Ray!" Ben snapped. "It *will* happen again. As long as you
believe I can't love you completely, then you'll always look for
someone...something else." 

 Ray crossed the room and placed his hands on the Canadian's shoulders,
trying to look in the eyes of his pouting lover. 

 "That's not true, Benny." he cooed. "We've been good as of late, haven't
we? No fights, no disagreements, right?" 

 "Then, why won't you move in with me?" Ben countered. "You hate it here,
I know you do, but you won't make that commitment to me either. And don't
tell me it's your family or the world, because the Ray Vecchio I know
wouldn't let *anyone* stand in the way of what he wanted." 

 Ray was taken aback at his words. 

 "All right, Benny, it's true." He conceded. "I did see Ana as a way out,
but it wasn't for long. I love *you*. It's just when she came here, she
seemed so, I don't know-" 

 "Like an escape?" 

 "Kinda'." 

 "Then, trust me when I say she's gone." 

 Ray looked at him, puzzled. Ben simply smiled. 

 "I don't feel it anymore, Ray. I look at Ana and I realize that every
action has a consequence, every crime a victim. With Victoria, I did what
I thought was right at the time. Regretting it was the wrong thing to do."


 Ray held him close. 

 "Oh, God, Benny, are you serious?" 

 "Yes. Now, do you trust me?" 

 "Yes, of course!" Ray replied happily. 

 The Mountie held his lover immobile with his sparkling eyes, rich with
desire. The husky, lustful tone of his voice made Ray's heart turn a flip.
Or two. 

 "Then prove it to me, Ray." 

 He reached up and began to undo the buttons on Ray's silk shirt and the
detective returned the favor, his hands shaking a little. It would be a
symbolic act of the faith they'd just placed in each other. They left the
world outside, in the cold, once they retreated to the bedroom. 

  Ben took hold of his hand gently, intertwining their fingers, their gaze
never breaking. Ben came forward, his head titled and kissed him, while
cupping his cheek. The kiss was slow, deliberate. Ray felt dizzy, his
tongue darting in and out of the Canadian's mouth. He closed his eyes,
when suddenly, the world whirled in front of him and he found his back
plastered to the wall. Ben breathed deeply to control himself. His mind
and body cried out for Ray. 

 "Let me have this." he whispered hoarsely. "May I have you?" 

 The deepness in his voice, plus the fact he still was clutching at Ray
for dear life, made Ray wonder briefly if he said no, would Fraser listen?
That point was moot, of course. 

 "Yes, Benny. Take me." 

 The drunken effect of seductive power took Ben quickly. He literally
ripped open the shirt Ray was wearing, the few undone buttons flying,
making Ray gasp loudly. His partner's arms enclosed around him and wet
kisses were trailed down his neck to his nipple. Ray's chest felt bare,
susceptible to Ben's passionate onslaught. He leaned his head back, eyes
closed, the warm bristle of Ben's tongue circling the peaking nub. Ben
floated over, and repeated his work, gently biting the wiry patch in
between. He suckled like a pro, his teeth teasingly scraping when Ray
least expected it. Ben glanced up, his mouth still attached. 

 "Geez, Benny, calm down. We'll get there soon enough." 

 "One thing you've taught me, Ray, is to stand up for myself when I need
something. I need this. More than you know." 

 By the depth of his conviction in his voice, Ray knew he meant business.
Besides, being ravished by a drop-dead gorgeous Mountie was not exactly a
hardship. Ray sighed and held on for the ride. Stripped of his shirt, his
pants were undone and he stepped out of them, removing his shoes at the
same time. He reached up and completely undid Ben's shirt, as his partner
discovered licking the hollow of his shoulder turned Ray to putty. Ray's
knees buckled, but Ben held fast, licking just above the collarbone until
Ray whimpered. 

 "Get...naked, Benny." Ray managed to get out. 

 Ray could've sworn all he did was blink, but somehow, the Canadian had
divested himself of most of his clothing. He plastered Ray to the wall
again, his full, naked body pressing against him. Ray wanted to scream
this was moving so fast, but he didn't want to slow down either. Finally,
Ben read his mind and held him with eyes. He could feel Ben's stiffness
poking him in the stomach, the foreskin covering the head. Ray's own dick
throbbed when he shifted. Ben placed his hands on Ray's shoulders and
began slowly driving their cocks up and down together. His eyes still bore
into Ray's. 

 "Do you like that, Ray?" 

 "God, yes, Benny! But standing, I don't think I can...I can..." 

 "Come?" 

 Ray snapped his head up. He loved it when Benny talked like that! 

 "Yeah..." he slowly responded. 

 "That's...very good, Ray..." 

 Strong, muscular arms encircled him and Ben breathed into his ear. "I've
rarely heard you beg intensely before. It will be pleasing to hear." Ben
held on tight and continued to thrust their dicks simultaneously, while
distributing little licks and kisses everywhere his mouth could reach. 

 "Oh, God, Benny...I can't believe you...w-want to torture...me l-like
this. Don't s-stop, please." Ray pleaded, thinking just who was this
creature before him? 

 "Feel my ass, Ray." 

 Ray wanted to warn Benny to stop his need to talk dirty before all the
fun was ruined and Ray surprisingly introduced him to the contents of his
screaming penis far too soon. Instead, he caught him in a kiss and
massaged his beautiful butt thoroughly. He pulled the Mountie in, matching
every push of his groin, the sweat and pre-cum spread out on their
bellies. Ben's talented mouth had made it's way to his neck again. A
foreign need seeped into Ben's consciousness. Ray felt Ben's lips open,
then- 

 "OUCH!" 

 Ben looked at him, a little smile quirking the corners of his mouth. His
neck stinging, Ray stared in shock at the mildly sadistic reaction of his
partner. He would *never* get used to Benny marking him. Ben inched his
hand between them, placing it just above the mushroomed heads, letting
them bump against the palm for added stimulation. Ray leaned back against
the wall, panting openly. They were becoming drenched in perspiration. He
leaned up, stuck his tongue in Ben's ear and heard the other man gasp,
feeling the chills run down his partners body. Ben grabbed Ray firmly and
turned him over, making Ray weak when he slid his erection between his
cheeks. Not to penetrate, however, instead just to enjoy the fine, juicy
slide between those peachy wet mounds. His chest was just hovering against
Ray's back touching with every thrust, Ben groaning so close. He held Ray,
reaching around to stroke his dick, while the moist cleft hugged the shaft
of his own cock. He pinched Ray's nipples, hearing the other man suck in
air sharply and plead for more. 

 "Benny, please...don't stop...*god*, that's good...yessss....fuck, yes." 

 Ben stopped cold. He swallowed hard, breathing deeply. His hands began to
shake. 

 Ray, sensing this said, "Benny? You okay?" 

 "No, Ray, I'm not." 

 His voice sounded oddly strained. 

 "What's wrong?" 

 His tone took on a fierceness and bold command that Ray had never heard
from his partner. 

 "I...need to...to...*fuck* you." 

 He said nothing more. Just the sound of his chest rising and falling with
each breath. It occurred to Ray he was waiting for permission. 

 He repeated his former request. 

 "Take me, Benny." 

 "But...not like this." Ben quipped, just before he took to the back of
his neck and sunk his teeth in again, but not as deep this time. Ray
jerked his head back, finding the pain oddly exciting. Ben licked down his
back slowly, gentle suckling and inserting kisses straight down his spine.
Chills made Ray shake, but he stood still against the wall, his arms
supporting him. By now, Ben had knelt behind his partner and stopped his
oral attention at the small of his back. A wet lapping at Ray's ankle made
him yelp. Ben seized his leg and continued his path upward. Ray began to
moan and gripped at the wall, his dick straining for attention. Slowly,
hands slid over Ray's taut cheeks and he began to tremble. 

 "Steady, Ray...I'm just getting started." 

 Ben's tongue on his left butt cheek caused Ray to buck his hips
uncontrollably. 

 "God, Fraser, what are you doing?!" 

 "You want me to describe it, Ray? I thought it would be (lick) obvious." 

 "Oh, god...Benny, you don't have to...do this." 

 "You want me to (lick)...stop?" 

 "Oh, Hell...I....uh, I...." 

 Ray couldn't ask this of him. But man-oh-man did that feel good! Before
he could collect his thoughts, two strong hands were separating his ripe
mounds. 

 "Ray?" 

 All rational thought left when he felt Fraser's breath so close to his
puckered sphincter. 

 "Do...it...Do it, Benny. Now! Do it!" 

 Ben dove right in, his nimble tongue swirling all over Ray's hole. The
detective felt it throughout his body. Fraser burrowed his way down, to
the sensitive zone under his balls. He lavished it with his moist touch.
Knowing he was close to fainting, Ray swung around, his back to the wall
and looked down at his kneeling friend. They just stared at one another
for a long moment. Ray felt like he was going out of his mind. 

 "Benny," his voice plaintive, "let's go to the bed." 

 Ben grabbed his hand and pulled him to the bed, pushing him down. Ray's
feet, however, stayed on the floor. 

 "Touch yourself, Ray." 

 He raised his hand, when Ben caught it and licked the palm. Ray winced as
he watched. It provided a bizarre sensation as Ray began to stroke the
pulsating hardness. Ben became content to exercise his mouth some more by,
once again, getting to know Ray's groin intimately. He bathed his taut
balls, making them shine. His tongue snaked it's way to the fold between
his crotch and thigh. He couldn't help but to suck one testicle into his
cheek and roll it over and over again. Of course, to make Ray even more
insane, he'd do the other. 

 "Benny..." Ray seethed. "I...can't...I'm gonna'..." 

 With that, Ben ducked down and began intense suction on Ray's asshole,
accompanied by many full, wide licks. Ray caught his breath, then let
loose with a scream. He tried to rise up, but the fiery wrenching in his
exploding nuts prevented it. Thick, white rivulets coated his chest and
stomach. Eyes sealed shut, he panted out of control, his body shaking. Ben
crawled up, his cock swaying heavily. He laid on top of Ray and kissed his
chest until the other man caught his breath. When Ray spoke, he sounded
exhausted, but eager. 

 "What do you want, Benny? After that, you deserve it." 

 "I asked before and I'll ask it again: Do you trust me, Ray?" 

 "What? Don't be silly! Of course I do." 

 Ben proceeded to kiss his friend deeply. Without breaking eye contact, he
kissed and licked all over Ray's nipples. He got up on his knees and, in
one fluid motion, straddled his chest. His dick was right in front of
Ray's face. He pulled back the foreskin, the clear fluid slipping out onto
the detective's wiry patch of chest hair. Ben swiped his finger through
the liquid and brought it to Ray's lips, who opened his mouth to take it
in. Ben retreated the juicy finger and shook his head. Ray closed his
mouth and was rewarded by having that wetness spread over his lips,
tracing their outline. Ben sucked the rest off his own finger, with the
Italian licking at his owns lips. At the sight of Ray's tongue, Ben curled
his hand around his own hardness and began to jack himself. The slim skin
hugged the cockhead, but the pre-cum dripped out and pooled in the hollow
of Ray's neck. Ben trembled as he locked eyes with his partner and worked
his dick over well. He pulled the skin back, the slick head seemed to beg
for attention. 

 "Lick it, Ray...please." 

 Ray lifted his head and gave the tip a couple full licks, a wonderful
tange left on his tongue. Visible tremors passed through the Mountie, but
he simply continued to jerk himself off, laying back his head, mouth open.
*God, is he beautiful.* Ray thought, his hands sliding up and down the
Canadian's sides. 

 Ben inched his hips forward. His cock was tantalizingly close now. He
continued in this form of self-torture, allowing Ray to brush his tongue
over and around the ramrod cock. 

 "You said you trusted me, Ray. If that is true, then do this for me. I
won't hurt you, I promise." 

 "What, Benny?" Ray cooed, still feeling up his sides, tweaking his
nipples. "What do you need?" 

 "Let me...let me...fuck...your mouth." 

 Ray's jaw fell open. It was still definitely going to take a while to get
used to hearing this kind of talk from his usually demure partner! Despite
that, arousal flushed through Ray. 

 "Come on, Benny. Come closer." 

 Ben scooted forward. Gingerly, Ray licked at the head, the salty goo
excessive. Ray looked up at Ben. He took the head in, swirling around it,
his eyes never leaving Benny's, watching as the vulnerability crept in. He
licked all around his cock, teasing it occasionally by taking him in
whole. Ray couldn't deep throat, but he knew Ben would be careful. Ben
braced his hands on the wall behind them. He began to lightly buck his
hips. His dick slid gently in and out of Ray's mouth, as the Canadian
concentrated on not thrusting too hard. 

 "Oh, God, this is splendid..." Ben breathed. 

 It was highly erotic to watch Ben push himself, enduring the duel
pleasure of Ray's moist touch and the self-imposed restriction. The
bulging cockhead bumped the back of Ray's throat lightly and he returned
the favor by increasing the suction meant to make Ben totally mad with
need. Ray took to jacking his own dick while he serviced Ben, who reached
down and cupped the back of Ray's head, still as gentle as ever in
plunging his dick into his partner. Ray reached around and cupped Ben's
beautiful ass, making the restrained Mountie flinch. Ray quirked his
eyebrow, not that Ben could see. A wicked idea formed in Ray's mind. His
fingers found their way between Ben's cheeks. His being so far up on Ray's
chest made it quite easy. Ben panted and shivered, the movement paralyzing
him, his hands gripping the wall again. A long, sensuous finger dug it's
way into that tight hole. A low growl escaped his throat. Now, thanks to
Ray, he had three angles of distraction. He practically laughed as he
began the torturous process of steadily jerking back and forth, impaled on
Ray's finger and having his cock sucked by Ray's mouth. Dopamine coursed
through his brain, his ass closing of it's own accord to feel Ray's finger
better. 

 "Ray...another finger, please." he hissed at the detective, who swiftly
obeyed and inserted another elegant digit to the hilt. Ben moaned and
grabbed Ray's shoulder's hard enough to bruise, his only brutal physical
outlet to the exquisite attack. He began to rock, in perfect timing, the
combined ecstasy bringing him to the breaking point. 

 "Ray...Ray, I'm...going to...fuck, oh, fuck...oh, god... NOW, oh GOD,
NOW!!" 

 Somehow, he held back from ramming his dick down Ray's throat as the
orgasm shook him to the core. Ray gulped it down, the muscles in Ben's ass
gripping his fingers' tightly. It was enough to drive the Italian over the
edge, sending cum flying out onto his thighs, chest and stomach. Ben
leaned against the wall, silent, obviously deeply affected by the
experience. Finally, he scooted down, the semen on Ray's torso making the
trip slippery. He held Ray close, his head on Ray's chest, now that their
breathing was almost normal. He was so quiet, Ray began to wonder if there
was something wrong. 

 "Are you okay, Benny?" 

 "Don't...ever think I don't carry you in my soul, Ray. I do, now and
always. Victoria became a part of me against my will. I had to survive, I
refused to die out there and if becoming one with her was what it took,
then that's what happened. But, it wasn't a willing decision. It is
amazing what one will do to live, Ray. When that instinct rises, nothing
matters. The guilt, on the other hand, *was* something I could've avoided.
But I didn't and I let it hurt you." 

 "Benny, you don't have to do this." 

 "Yes, I do. Do you...want me to get rid of her picture, Ray?" 

 Ray had to think about this. It was an incredible offer. Ben was severing
his last remaining ties with her. Yet, Ray felt it was wrong to demand
this of him. He already had what he wanted, to be an intimate part of his
lover. He knew it was time to be honest as well. 

 "No, don't do that. I've been too hard on you, Benny. I know you love me.
It's just...I was being selfish. I wanted you, *all* of you and that
wasn't fair. Hell, I'll always love Angie, even though we're divorced and
Irene, even though she died, will always be special to me. It was wrong of
me to hold your connection with Victoria against you." 

 "But..." Ben said, raising up to look the Italian in the eye. "I had no
right to harp on a decision I made over ten years ago. Ana helped me see
that." 

 "Ana, yes. She's...a nice person." 

 Ben lay back, but still close to Ray. 

 "And pretty." Ben stated. 

 "Yeah." 

 "And has a nice body." 

 Ray whipped his head around only to see Ben smiling mischievously at him.


 "Benny, I can't believe you even noticed!" 

 "Well, I *did* notice the way you were looking at her, Ray. I talked with
her for a while, as well, don't forget. She's also fairly opened minded.
Despite her marital status, I don't think it would take much convincing to
get her in the middle, if you understand what I mean." 

 Ray stared at him, mouth agape. 

 "A threesome?! You can't be serious!" 

 "I know you wanted her, Ray and I just want what makes you happy." 

 "Oh! How magnanimous of you, Benny! What's next!? My handcuffs and
leather?!" 

 "Sacrifice is Hell, Ray! But, I'll endure it, for *your* sake, of course.
And I do *love* your imagination!" 

 Ben chuckled, a thousand-watt smile lighting up his face and Ray melted. 

 "Come here, Benny." 

 They snuggled and fell asleep, intertwined in each other's arms and their
souls filled with one another. There was no more room for any darkness. 

  As the young woman sat talking with her mother over platefuls of turkey
and dressing, she berated her brother for his horrible table manners. Her
husband slipped food to the cat and dog under the table. Two men looked on
from the shadows. 

 "Why won't you let her see you?" 

 "You know the rules, Mr. Fraser. I was told I couldn't. I did what I
could while I was alive." 

 "She turned out to be a fine young woman." senior Fraser stated. "I'd
rather have seen her with my son than that cop." 

 William Knightbird laughed. 

 "Yeah, but they're happy with their mates." 

 "I guess." Bob admitted. "See you later, Mr. Knightbird. I'll be in the
northern sky, of course." 

 "Fine. I'm going to stay in this hemisphere for now." 

 Once the older man was gone, the dark haired man with golden hazel eyes
concluded with, "'Shining brightly to let all those on Earth know we are
happy.'" 

  END 

  **"Boy, I like the way you stand; there's no blood upon your hands;
you've turned the world around for me. You chased the fools out of my
life; when I'm wrong, you set me right. You are a living grace to me."** 
 - George O'Dowd