ALL THAT MATTERS	ALL THAT MATTERS by Renny Ramos 1 === "Lord, I am
not worthy to receive You; but only say the Word and I shall be healed, "
he said softly. He kept his head bowed down and continued to pray, until
the chimes signaled the invitation to the Sacrament of Holy Communion. He
pressed his palms lightly against the wooden pew where he knelt, and
brought himself up to a standing position. Lots of people today, he
thought to himself. I guess I should fall in line now.	As he made his way
towards the line, he felt the strong grip of a hand against his arm. He
paused and turned his head to identify its source. His eyes met hers. All
it took was one look. He knew what she wanted to say. For all the love she
held in her heart for him, she saw him as a sinner now; unfit to share in
his Father's Sacrament. He looked into her eyes and said nothing. Gently,
he pulled away from her and joined the line.  "Body of Christ," the priest
said. The priest placed the host on his outstretched palm.  "Amen," he
replied.  He closed his eyes reverently, before bringing the host to his
mouth. The act finished, he returned to his seat, and knelt once more to
pray. He closed his eyes and tried to drown his senses in prayer, as the
loss grew and the void deepened.  "Lord, please give me strength." The
Mass ended, and the throng of people slowly moved out of the Church. He
stayed, and so did she. For a long time, neither of them spoke. "How could
you do this to your family?" she finally asked.  "I've always been this
way, Ma. I just never told you. I ... never wanted to hurt you." he
replied. "I just wanted to stop living a lie, that's all. Please ..." and
he choked on his words as his tears finally began to fall. "Please ... try
to understand." She put her hands to her face and sobbed softly, "It's all
my fault, it's all my fault."   He brought his arms around her. "Shhhh.
It's not anybody's fault, Ma. It's just ... the way it is." He remembered
the moment, just a week ago, when he finally found the courage to string
together three little words and sum up the confession of his life:  "I am
gay." Just three words that tipped the balance of his life forever ... He
rocked her in his arms, until she calmed down. He continued to hold her in
silence, until she pulled away from him and proceeded to walk out of the
Church. "Ma?" "I love you, caro; but you have to put ... this ... behind
you. Until that time comes ... you are not my son."  2 === Alone, he wept
himself to exhaustion in that church. And he continued to pray. "Lord,
please give me strength." 3 === As he knelt to say goodbye, his eyes
focused on the majestic cross placed squarely in front of the altar. He
smiled sadly to himself.  "So, this is the life I'll be leading from now
on." He made the sign of the cross, stood up and began to walk away. 
Mid-way through the aisle, he paused and looked back. "I have You; that's
all that matters now. That is enough." He had Faith. He had Truth. He had
Love.    - The End -    E-mail the author: Blue_Grey_Eyes@hotmail.com