GOOD ENOUGH by Iris Gray
Feedback to wy236@victoria.tc.ca
Author's webpage: http://victoria.tc.ca/~wy236
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Knock! Knock!

Ray Kowalski swore loudly. Who the hell was knocking on his door? He
turned up the stereo and tried to ignore the knocking.

Knock! Knock!

This time the knocking was accompanied by a voice. "Ray! I know you're
in there! Please, open the door!"

Aw hell, it was Fraser. Hadn't the Mountie done enough? Sure, he'd
probably
saved Ray's and Stella's lives by alerting them to that bomb, but he'd
made Ray look like a total loser in front of Stella when he'd been hoping
to be a hero in front of his ex wife. 

Knock! Knock!

Ray turned down the stereo. "Okay, okay! Don't knock the door down!"
He opened the door and admitted his partner. "So what do you want?" he
asked, not caring if he sounded rude. 

"I came to see if you were all right. You left Stella's apartment so
abruptly... I was concerned." 

If Ray had been in a better mood, he might have been touched at Fraser's
concern. As it was, though, he was just annoyed.

"Yeah? Well, as you can see, I am perfectly fine. I haven't jumped out
of any windows, I haven't slashed my wrists, I haven't stuck my head
in the oven."

"Ray, you have an electric stove," Fraser pointed out.

"I was being, whatdoyacallit, figurative."

"Of course." Fraser studied his friend for a moment. "I don't think you're
all right, though." 

"And why the hell not?" Ray asked as he slumped on to the couch.

"I know that you care very much for your ex-wife. You're bound to be
upset about what's happened."

"So I'm upset. Big fucking deal. I'll live. "

"Ray, it's all right to feel bad about Stella. You don't need to hide
how you feel." 

"Look, like I said, I'll live. It's over. Stella doesn't love me. Nobody
loves me. I've gotten used to it."

Fraser looked surprised at Ray's calm pronouncement of the fact that
nobody loved him. He was silent for a long time before he finally spoke.
"Why do you say that nobody loves you?" he asked.

"'Cause it's true," Ray answered. "No one does."

"What about your parents?" the Mountie suggested.

Ray shrugged. "I guess they do," he replied. "But they don't count.
They're
parents. Parents are supposed to love their kids."

"But we both know that's not always the case," Ben pointed out.

"Yeah, you're right about that. But they're *supposed* to. Anyway, like
I said, they don't count." 

"Who does count, then?" his partner wanted to know.

"Stella," Ray stated.

"And no one else?"

Ray didn't look at him. "No," he said in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Not even me?" 

"What ... what do you mean, not even you?" Ray asked.

"Do I count?" Fraser asked.

"Of course ya count, Fraser. You're my partner. You're my friend." 

"But does how I feel count?" the Canadian persisted.

"I guess," Ray pronounced somewhat reluctantly.

Fraser stepped closer to him. "And if I love you? Do I count then?" 

Kowalski swallowed hard. "Do you, Fraser? Do you love me?"

"Yes," his partner stated simply.

A myriad of emotions ran through Ray. He felt terribly confused. "Fraser,
I can't - I can't deal with this right now. I'm sorry. I have to be alone
for awhile."

There was no discernible expression on Ben's face. "Understood," he said
softly.  He turned and started to go. 

Ray ran after him and stopped him before he reached the door. "Fraser,
listen, I just need some time, okay? I haveta sort some things out."

"I understand, Ray. Take all the time you need." And then Fraser was
gone. 

Shit. Fraser was hurt. Ray hated the idea of his partner being hurt.
He hated even more the thought that he'd been the one to hurt him.  But
he really did need some time to think about what Fraser had just told
him. That Fraser loved him. That was definitely not something he'd been
expecting. Did he love Fraser? He wasn't certain. Stella had been his
entire life since he was a kid. He'd never really entertained the
possibility
of loving anyone else. When he'd had Stella, no one else mattered. And
now that he didn't, the idea of loving anyone else scared him to death.

Time. He'd asked Fraser for time. Maybe if he took enough time he'd know
what the hell to say to Fraser next time they saw each other.

The next time they saw each other was a few days later. Ray used that
time to think long and hard about his relationship with Fraser. It was
true that the Canadian had said he found Ray attractive. Still, his being
in love with Ray was a surprise to the detective.  Not that it freaked
him out or anything. Well, maybe a little. Not because Fraser was a guy,
but because Ray had been badly burned by someone he thought loved him
in the past, and he wasn't eager to risk that happening again.

"Look, Fraser, I'm not ready to talk about this yet," was the first thing
Ray said when his partner showed up at the precinct.

"Understood," was Ben's reply. He didn't need to ask what Ray was
referring
to. 

Before either man could say anything else, all hell broke loose. A
prisoner
who was being transferred to the courthouse overpowered his guards and
escaped. Not knowing the best escape route out of the precinct house,
he ended up running right into the middle of the bullpen. Before anyone
could make an attempt to stop him, he grabbed a gun from one of the
uniformed
officers and started shooting wildly. Everyone ducked. Bullets flew across
the room, injuring several people.

Crouched under his desk, Ray was attempting to load his gun, but having
a hard time because his glasses were on top of the desk and Ray didn't
dare stand up to look for them. Fraser took the gun from his hand. "Let
me," he said. Ray handed him the gun and Fraser loaded it, then handed
it back.

"Damn," Kowalski whispered. "I can't get a clear shot from here. " There
was no need to mention that the reason he couldn't get a clear shot was
that he still wasn't wearing his glasses. 

Suddenly, Fraser stood up. "Fraser!" Ray hissed in a loud whisper. "Get
down before you get shot!" But Fraser simply stood, looked around the
desk, retrieved the detective's glasses and returned to his place crouched
at Ray's side.

"Can you get a clear shot now?" Ben asked his partner.

Ray shifted to his knees and raised himself slightly so that he could
see over his desk. "No. Shit. He's facing the other way. I don't want
to shoot him in the back. Sorry, Fraser," he added, remembering his
friend's
old bullet wound.

"I'll stand up and get his attention, then when he turns in this
direction,
you can take your shot," the Mountie suggested.

"Are you crazy?" Ray asked.  "I can't let you take that kind of risk!"

"Ray, several people have already been shot. You have the best chance
of hitting him if you take a shot. But as you said, you don't want to
shoot him in the back, therefore we need to find a way to get him to
turn in this direction."

"All right," the detective grumbled. "But get back down as soon as you
can - preferably before he shoots you, too - okay?"

Ben smiled. "I'll do my best," he promised.

He started to stand up when his partner hauled him back down. Turning
Fraser's face toward his, Ray quickly gave him a kiss, then released
him. Fraser looked as if he wanted to say something, but Kowalski cut
him off. "Later," he mouthed. Ben nodded, briefly laid a hand on the
other man's cheek, then stood up.

"Excuse me!" he shouted to the gunman as he stepped out from his hiding
place. The man whirled around and fired in the direction of the red-coated
figure. Fraser dove behind another desk. Ray fired, and the gunman
collapsed
before he get off another shot. Then the detective looked around for
his partner. He didn't see him at first, and his heart jumped into his
throat. Then he saw the familiar red tunic and ran to Fraser's side.
The Mountie was lying on the floor and wasn't moving. "Fraser!" Ray cried
out in fear. He shook the other man. "Fraser, wake up. Please, wake up!"

Fraser rolled over and groaned. He opened his eyes to see the look of
worry on his partner's face. Several other detectives had gathered around
them now that the danger was past. Ben rubbed his head.

"Are you all right?" Ray demanded. He didn't see any blood, which was
a good sign. 

"I must have hit my head when I jumped behind the desk," Ben told him.

Ray and Huey helped him to his feet. "There's a couple of ambulances
on the way. We'll get the paramedics to check you out," Huey said. "That
was a gutsy move, Fraser." 

"That's my partner," Ray stated proudly.

"Did you stop him? The gunman?" Fraser asked.

"Yeah, we did, thanks to you," Ray answered. "Wish I didn't have to shoot
him, but there was no other way to stop him."

"You did what you had to do, Ray," Ben told him.

Ray reached out and pulled the Mountie into a hug. "I thought I'd lost
you," he whispered in the other man's ear. Fraser returned the embrace,
holding his partner tightly, trying to reassure him. 

Just then Lt. Welsh returned from lunch. He stopped and stared at his
squad room. Bullet holes seemed to be everywhere, blood was on the floor,
and paramedics were tending to injured officers.  And Ray was hugging
the Mountie.

"What's going on here?" Welsh demanded.

Several people immediately started talking at once. Welsh pushed them
aside and approached Ray and Fraser. They were the only ones not babbling
at him and he hoped that just maybe he could get a coherent report from
one of them. He tapped Ray on the shoulder. "Detective Vecchio, what
happened here?"

Ray jumped up. "Sorry sir, can't talk, gotta take Fraser to the hospital,
he hit his head. Bye!" And he hurried from the precinct, pulling Fraser
along with him.

He had intended to take Fraser home with him, but common sense took over
and he did, indeed take the Mountie to the hospital to get his head injury
checked out. Fortunately, it wasn't serious, and there was no sign of
a concussion. With a list of warning signs to keep an eye out for, the
doctor released Fraser into Ray's care.

"Let's go, Fraser," Ray said with relief as his partner finished dressing.
Ray hated hospitals, and did not want to spend one moment longer than
necessary in this one. He was glad that Fraser was all right, though,
and if taking him to the hospital was necessary to discover that he was
all right, then he was willing to tolerate it for as long as he had to.
But now they knew that Fraser was going to be fine, it was time to leave.

"Where are we going?" Ben asked as they headed to Ray's GTO.

"My place," the blonde man answered.

"Why?"

Ray took a deep breath. "Because ... because I'm ready to talk now."

Fraser took his hand and squeezed it gently. He was going to take it
away again, but Ray held on, and they continued to hold each others'
hands until they reached Ray's apartment. When they were inside, Kowalski
grabbed Fraser and held him tightly, almost as if he were trying to draw
the other man inside him. "God, Fraser, when that gun went off and you
went flying over the desk ... and then you didn't get up ...I was so
scared ..." He finished with a sob. He'd succeeded in holding his emotions
in check until they made it to his apartment, but they were threatening
to overwhelm him now.

His friend simply held him until the sobs quieted and Ray was breathing
normally again. Moving back, he said, "You wanted to talk?"

Ray wiped his eyes and nodded.	"I wanted - I wanted to tell you that
I love you, too. I was pretty sure that I did when you first said it,
and I was almost completely sure when you showed up at the precinct today,
but it just never seemed like the right time to say it. Stupid, huh?"

Fraser shook his head. "No, Ray. Waiting for the right time isn't stupid."

"It is when you could have been killed before the right time came," Ray
protested. 

"You didn't know what was going to happen this afternoon. It should have
been a normal day." 

"Fraser, cops don't have normal days. You should know that! Any day,
any time, the bullet that ends your life could be right around the
corner."

Fraser took Ray into his arms. "But that didn't happen. Both of us are
alive, both of us are here. And you know that I love you, and I know
that you love me." He kissed Ray to reassure him of that fact. Ray
responded
eagerly.

The detective's knees threatened to give out, and he pulled away
reluctantly.
"Can we move this to the couch before I fall over?" he asked.

The two men moved to the couch, where they continued kissing. Soon most
of their clothing was gone. Ray lay back and pulled Fraser on top of
him. They continued to kiss and Fraser started moving his hips over Ray's.
The blonde felt their cocks rubbing through the thin fabric of their
boxers. He began to thrust upward, trying to keep the sensation going.
Fraser could feel it too, and began to meet his partner's thrusts with
thrusts of his own. As he felt his control slipping, Ray started to move
faster, and Ben moved faster in response, until both of them came at
almost the same time.

When he felt able to move again, Ben started to get up. Ray grabbed him
and pulled him back down. "Where d'you think you're going?" he asked.

"I was afraid I would crush you if I stayed lying on top of you like
that." 

"Well, you won't," Ray answered. "I'm just fine. So you can stay put."
Then he got an odd look on his face and plucked at the front of his damp
boxer shorts. "On second thought, maybe we should get cleaned up."

So the two men took a shower together, which lasted until the hot water
was used up. Then they ordered some pizza for dinner, after which they
simply cuddled for a long time. Eventually, though, Ray started to yawn.
Fraser stood up. "I should go," he said. "You're tired." 

"So who says you have to leave?" Ray wanted to know.

"Don't you want to get some sleep?"

"Sure, but the bed's big enough for two people."

"Is that an invitation?" Ben asked.

"Yeah, it's an invitation. Or I could make it a demand, if you want."

Fraser smiled. "That won't be necessary. I'd be happy to spend the night
with you." 

They climbed into bed and Ray settled himself into his partner's arms.
"I love you, Fraser," he said.

"I love you too, Ray."

And they slept.

END