Maybe Just Ugly 

Here's a sequel to "A Darkness Inside Him", this time from Ray's POV.
Still uber dark, rated NC-17, with a squick warning for b/d, s/m, and some
blood. I really don't like the Fraser and Ray I've conjured up in this
universe, so I don't expect anyone else to, either! 

Feel free to send comments to raven_free@hotmail.com and visit my site at
http://www.geocities.com/raven_free/ 

Maybe Just Ugly 

By: Raven 

I don't even scream when Fraser lets his belt down hard on my chest. I
don't dare. If I do, if I complain, then he won't fuck me and I need him
to fuck me. Need him so bad I hate myself 'cause what we're doin' is
wrong. 

This ain't buddies. It ain't even partners or lovers. It's sick and
twisted and so fucking wrong, but I can't make it right. 

The second I saw the bastard in that bright red suit, wham! I was head
over in heels for him. And he was into men, too. 

One man. 

That I'm pretendin' to be. 

Oh, sure, Fraser's just a man. Needs a good fuck like anyone else, but he
won't let himself pretend that he enjoys it. He likes to hurt people. He
hurts me 'cause I'm not Vecchio. 

And I just take it 'cause I want his cock inside me. 'Cause I love him.
Loved him. Once I got to know him, I knew sure as hell that there's more
to hate in Benton Fraser than to love. 

He's just one sick, twisted sonofabitch. I can't end this. He's the only
one who can. And he won't. 'Cause he likes to hurt people. He likes to
hurt me. 

When he's done with the belt, he yanks my legs up. I relax so he can enter
me easily, not that he'd care either way. No lube, obviously. I feel
something tear and I know I'm gonna have blood on the sheets in the
mornin'. vI come. I always come. Like I actually *enjoy* being used like
some toy by a sick, perverted Mountie. Maybe I do. Maybe I'm just as sick
and perverted as him. 

He dresses without saying anything, then he leaves. I hear him slam the
apartment door shut behind him. 

Some nights, he comes back to set me free. I know he won't be back
tonight. Tomorrow, sure. He'll unlock me and I'll go take a shower and in
the meantime he'll be fixing coffee. We'll go to work, and he'll chatter
on about some cute Inuit story I have no fucking interest in, but I'll
laugh and we'll joke and we'll fool everybody. 

Except us. We know exactly what we are. No word for it. Maybe just ugly.