You're In Love   

Disclaimer: Not mine. Bindlestitch. 

You're In Love 

Open the door and come in  

I'm so glad to see you, my friend 

Welcome back, Ray. It's wonderful to see you again... but you must know
that already, by the way I acted back at the hotel. I know I apologized
already, and I do feel terrible about having blown your cover, but I can't
regret that. It's been too long. I needed to see you.  

Not much of a home to welcome you to, is it? You used to tease me about my
old apartment, and now I'm living in my office. You ask me how long I've
been here, and I tell you about the Garbo case. You open your mouth to say
something, but then I see your expression change and you say something
else instead, and we just start talking. 

Don't know how long it has been 

Has it really been only eight months, Benny? Seems like forever. I've
changed so much... you wouldn't believe some of the things I've had to do
on this assignment. Well, maybe you would. You're pure, yes, but you're
not naïve. 

You've changed even more, though. You're less formal than you were, and
there's a bit more of an edge to you. Cynicism, I guess would be the word.
The city's working its way into you... you're not quite my Benny anymore. 

And you've been living in your office since the day you got back and I was
gone. God, didn't anybody notice? Didn't anybody care? I would've, but I
wasn't... here... oh, no, Benny, that's not it, is it? I abandoned you
without any explanation, and then not a word for eight months... and now I
come home and you've got this new shell and I can't get in and I don't
blame you and I'm not even really back to being me yet and I really don't
know if I can do this right now, Benny. I'll try and make it up to you,
but... oh God, eight months can be forever. 

Having those feelings again.  

  

It's incredible, Ray. Just seeing you again is such a... a healing
experience. I've missed you so much, and there couldn't be a better time
for you to have come back to me. I have a feeling I'm going to need all of
your strength for this case. The fact that Muldoon is involved when he
ought to have been dead thirty years ago is disturbing enough, but I have
a, well, call it a presentiment that there is more to this than meets the
eye. I'm glad you're here to help me with it, whatever it turns out to be.


You aren't quite all here, though, are you? I suppose that's only to be
expected, after living so long as someone else. I'm sure you'll be back to
normal in a few days. I'll just let you take whatever time you need. 

And now I see that you're so happy  

I don't know quite what to make of you right now, Benny. You seem
preoccupied, even more so than I'd expect from the case we're working on,
but there's this glow of happiness around you like I've never seen before,
and I get the feeling you're not telling me everything. Oh well... as long
as you're happy I guess that's all that matters. I won't push it. It's not
like I could do much for you anyway. I'm glad you've got something else. 

And ooh, it just sets me free  

Just having you here with me again, not having to wonder if you're still
alive or will be tomorrow... not having to worry about whether or not I'll
be able to see you and tell you... 

And I'd like to see  

Us as good of friends  

As we used to be  

Just like old times, huh, Benny? Me shot, you stuck tracking down some
bastard who killed your family by yourself. You managed to forgive me last
time. Do you think you can do it again?  

What do you think? Can we go back? Back to being friends, I mean. Before
this, I was beginning to think we might be more than that, but not now. I
don't know if I can even hope for your friendship anymore. 

My love 

I love you, Ray. I have been in love with you for a long time, since
before you went away, and I could feel a tension between us then... no,
not a tension exactly, more of... an 'air of expectation.' Flirting, I
suppose would be your name for it. You were called away before that
expectation was fulfilled, though, and I have passed the past eight months
in wishing I'd acted earlier. You would probably yell at me if you knew
and tell me not to blame myself. It doesn't matter now, though. You're
here, and as soon as this case is finished and you're back to being my
Ray, we can try again. I won't miss my chance this time. 

You're in love	

You aren't alone this time, are you, Benny? You've got him, my
replacement. Damn... is that it? You've been happy... and preoccupied...
it must be. Why didn't I see it earlier? You're in love with him, aren't
you? And I'm glad, I mean I'm happy for you. At least he's there for you
when you need him, not lying here in this damn bed like I am. 

That's the way	

It should be  

You and I were meant to be together, Ray. I wish you could've been with me
for this... actually I wish you could have been almost anywhere but in
that hospital, recovering from yet another bullet you took for me. The
only positive thing about this is that at least there I know you're safeas
you said, 'it's just a flesh wound.' Anything could happen to you up here.
RayStan, I meanalmost died the other night. I could never have forgiven
myself if he had. He depends on me so much, almost like a child, and it's
quite touching. His death, while I was supposed to be taking care of him,
would have haunted me for the rest of my life. But if it had been you,
Ray, I think I would have died myself. 

'Cause I want you to be happy  

It's better this way. I love you, Benny, and I always will, but I'd rather
see you happy with someone else than try to get you back and just end up
hurting you more, always letting you down.  

Oh God... what if you come back to me because you think I expect it? Or
because you feel sorry for me? I don't need your pity, Fraser. I can find
my own life just as well as you can. 

You're in love	

Assistant State's Attorney Kowalski? Ray'sStan'sex-wife? A bowling alley?
I'm... happy for you, Ray. I had thought... I expect I was mistaken about
the situation between us. Will I ever learn to recognize when someone is
in love with me? Will anyone ever fall in love with me? 

And I know  

That you're not in love with me  

It was too much to expect, that you could love me. Oh well. I've had your
friendship, and that in itself is a gift, Benny. I think I could really
get to like Stella, though, and she seems to like me too. Don't worry
about me. 

It's enough  

For me to know	

That you're in love  

I'm not coming back to Chicago, Ray. There is nothing there that I really
need, and seeing you again, like this, would only complicate things. I
have my memories, and you have your new life, your new love. Stan wants to
have an 'adventure.' Maybe it would be best for all of us if he and I take
one. 

Now I'll let you go  

'Cause I know  

That you're in love  

You know I'd never hold you back, Benny. I hope you know that, anyway. 

Sometimes it's hard to believe	

That you're never coming back to me  

I miss you more now than I did the first time I lost you, Ray. Then, I
could imagine that you would come home and everything would be the way it
had been before, the two of us together, or maybe we would even take that
final step beyond friendship... 

I've lived here in the Arctic all my life, but this is the first time I
have ever felt the cold.  

I've had this dream that you'd always be by my side  

You know what kept me going in Vegas, Benny? Thinking of you, and coming
home to you, and us being together. I even thought that maybe we'd be...
you know, really together. I got out of bed every morning I was on
assignment determined to make myself worthy of that. 

Oh I could have died.  

I know that it would have been foolish, possibly dangerous, for us to have
become romantically involved, but it was a risk I was willing to take. I
have risked my life for lesser things. 

But now I see that you're so happy  

And ooh, it just sets me free. 

You're up there in the frozen wasteland you love, with a guy who makes you
so happy you were glowing like a lightbulb from the minute I saw you. I
could never give you that, Benny. I'm glad you found it with him. 

It's a relief, in a way. He's the one who has to live up to you, now.  

And I'd like to see  

Us as good of friends  

As we used to be  

I miss our friendship, Ray. Even if that were all it could ever be, I'd
like to have that part of it back. You completed me. 

I tried to find you but you were so far away  

I was praying that fate would bring you back to me 

Stella and I broke up, finally. It's been coming for a while. We were
never really in love with each other, and I guess we just wised up and
quit pretending to be anything but what we areeach other's tickets out of
Chicago. Since it had been a couple of months, I called up the Consulate
to see if they knew how I could get a letter to you, but they haven't
heard from you either. I guess it's just not meant to happen yet, huh? I
hope I run into you again someday, Benny. At least apologize for blowing
it like I did. 

Someday, someday, someday...  

I'll never forget you, Ray. When the time is right, I'll come back to
Chicago. I have friends there now. And maybe, while I'm in the
neighborhood, I'll drop by Florida. 

You're in love	

It's enough  

For me to know	

That you're in love  

Now I'll let you go  

'Cause I know  

That you're in love... 

 ~~~End~~~