The Morning After The Morning After by Iris Gray Author's webpage: http://victoria.tc.ca/~wy236/fic.html 
 

 Ray Kowalski yawned, stretched, and moved the wolf that had been lying on
top of him. "Off me, Dief," he said. Then he looked around. Except for
Diefenbaker, he was alone. He shrugged. Fraser had probably gotten out of
bed already. He was the world's ultimate morning person. Ray couldn't help
smiling. He and Fraser had just spent the night together for the first
time. They'd made love most of the night - he was surprised Fraser wasn't
worn out. Ray certainly had been. 

 "Fraser?" Ray called as he got out of bed and pulled on a pair of shorts
and a t-shirt. No answer. He left the bedroom and looked around his
apartment. Empty. No Fraser. That was strange - it wasn't like Fraser to
go out and leave Dief. Was he having morning-after jitters? There was a
note on the kitchen table. 

 Ray - 

 Please forgive me for leaving so suddenly. There is something I must do
and it 

 can't wait. I will be back as soon as I can. Thank you for last night. It
was 

 wonderful.  Love, Ben	

 P.S. Please look after Diefenbaker for me until I get back. 

 Ray was confused. Where had Fraser gone? The note didn't indicate if he
was planning to be gone for a couple of hours or a couple of days. Or
longer. What was the thing he felt he "must do?" He picked up the phone
and called the Canadian Consulate. The Ice Queen didn't know where Fraser
had gone. He had asked for some vacation time and she hadn't felt able to
refuse him because he almost never used his vacation time. He hadn't told
her where he was going or when he would be back. 

 He read the note again. Fraser had signed it with his first name. Funny
how he had never used his first name before. And he'd written "Love." What
did that mean? Some people signed everything "love." Somehow Fraser didn't
seem like that type, though. What, then, did he mean when he signed "Love,
Ben" ? The most obvious answer was that Fraser - Ben - loved him. Ray knew
that he loved Fraser - he'd been in love with his partner for what seemed
like forever. Neither of them had actually said the words though. They'd
danced around each other for months before finally getting in bed
together. 

 Ray sighed. What was Fraser doing? Why hadn't he told Ray that he was
leaving, or where he was going? Just "I'll be back when I can, last night
was great, and would you please take care of my wolf." Well, if he
expected that Ray would welcome him back with open arms, he had another
thing coming. Ray wasn't going to sit around waiting for Benton Fraser to
make up his mind about their relationship. If he couldn't handle what
they'd shared last night, if he had to run away, that was his problem. 

 

 Fraser sat back in his seat on the train and pulled out the letter again.
He had read it so often he had it memorized, but still he read it again.
He certainly hadn't been expecting to hear from *her* - Victoria. To
Fraser she was "THE Woman" the way Irene Adler was to Sherlock Holmes. The
one who had bested him. 

 At first he'd simply read the letter and tossed it aside. Victoria had no
place in his life anymore. She'd been caught and convicted of robbing
another bank. She'd written him from prison, trying to justify her actions
the last time he'd seen her, hoping that he still loved her, asking him to
wait for her. He preferred to forget her and move on. But then he'd fallen
for Ray Kowalski, and after their night together, he knew that he could
not move on until he'd actually seen Victoria. He had to know that she
didn't have any kind of hold on him anymore. 

 He had climbed out of bed while Ray was still asleep and phoned the
station to find out what time he could catch a train to the station
nearest the prison where Victoria was currently being held. He then wrote
a note to Ray - signed it "Love" - and gone to the Consulate where he had
packed a few things and requested some vacation time from the Inspector. 

 He loved Ray. He was almost certain that Ray loved him as well. When he
returned to Chicago he hoped he would be able to say the words out loud. 

 The grey-haired woman in the seat next to his looked at the wrinkled
piece of paper that Fraser tucked back in to his wallet. "A woman?" she
asked. 

 "Yes," Ben answered politely. 

 A smile. "Are you going to see her?" 

 "Yes." 

 "I hope it works out for you." 

 "Thank you kindly." What would this woman think if she knew that Fraser
wanted things to work out not with the woman he was going to see, but with
the man he had left behind? 

 

 Arriving home from work, Diefenbaker in tow, Ray walked into his
apartment and slammed the door. He collapsed on to the couch. The wolf
whined. 

 "Oh, sorry Dief, guess you're hungry." Ray grabbed the bag of groceries
he'd bought on his way home and removed a can of dog food. "I know you
prefer people food, but your pet human would have my hide if I gave you
any." 

 Dief gobbled up the food and Ray returned to his place on the couch. Had
it only been 24 hours since he and Fraser had been here together, talking
about a case they'd been working on? So much could happen in one day. 

 Maybe he should give Fraser the benefit of the doubt. Maybe something had
come up that really needed to be dealt with. But why hadn't Fraser told
him? They were partners, and as of last night they were lovers. They
shouldn't have secrets from each other. 

 Well, when Fraser came back, assuming he did, Ray would play it cool. He
wouldn't throw himself into Fraser's arms or anything. Maybe their night
together didn't mean as much as he thought it had. He'd had too many one
nighters in his life to expect this one would be different. Even Stella
had spent a few nights with him after they had separated - nights that she
claimed meant nothing. He'd hoped for a reconciliation each and every
time, even though he knew better. His hopes had been dashed each time. 

 No wonder he hated mornings. 

 

 Fraser got off the train and looked at the clock. He had some time to
kill before visiting hours started at the prison. He checked the times of
the buses going out to the penitentiary, then went in search of something
to eat. 

 As he sat down in a small coffee shop, he pulled out the letter again. He
didn't know what Victoria had expected from him. After everything that had
happened, why had she contacted him? Perhaps she was lonely. Prison
couldn't be a very social type of place, he thought. 

 He still carried a bullet in his back from his last encounter with
Victoria. It hadn't been her fault; Ray Vecchio had seen her outstretched
hand and assumed she had a gun. Ray had pulled his own weapon and fired,
but his shot had struck Fraser. It had taken Ray a long time to get over
that incident; Ben had seen the flashes of guilt on his partner's face
every time he moved a little bit more slowly than he had before or winced
from the pain the bullet caused. 

 "Hello, son." The ghost of Robert Fraser sat opposite his son in the
booth. 

 "Hello Dad. What can I do for you today?" 

 "You're going to see the Metcalfe woman," stated the elder Fraser. 

 "And I suppose you have something to say about that," remarked Ben. 

 "Why didn't you tell the Yank that you were going to see her?" 

 Ben shrugged. "I didn't tell Ray because I don't think he would
understand why I'm going to see Victoria. He would jump to the wrong
conclusions if I told him I was going to see the woman that I thought I
loved, who happens to be a bank robber and a murderer." 

 "You only thought that you loved her?" asked Robert. 

 "I don't know," sighed Benton. "That's why I have to see her. I have to
know for sure that I don't love her. I don't want her or her memory coming
between me and Ray." 

 A waitress appeared with Fraser's order. She saw the letter that he was
folding and refolding. "Going to the prison, are you?" 

 Fraser looked up. "How did you know?" 

 "Most of the people that pass through here are on their way there, 'cept
for the regulars of course. Family?" 

 "Uh, no." 

 "Friend?" 

 "Not exactly." 

 "Lover," stated the waitress. 

 "She was at one time," answered Ben. 

 "Did she hurt you?" The waitress continued her interrogation. 

 "Yes. She hurt me and she hurt my friend." 

 "You have someone else now?" 

 "I - I think so," said Fraser. 

 "Sonny, forget about her. The one in the pen. Go to your new love. Forget
the past. It's over and done with." And she went to serve another
customer. 

 "She's right, son," said Robert. "Forget about the woman. If the Yank
cares about you, he'll understand." 

 Ben shook his head as he ate his meal. "I have to see her one more time.
Then it will be over." 

 

 Ray was beginning to worry. He hadn't heard from Fraser all day. He told
himself that the Mountie had no reason to contact him, but he had hoped
that he would, if only to ask after Diefenbaker. Of course, he'd prefer it
if Fraser were concerned about him, too, but he didn't expect that,
really. 

 //One night of great sex does not a relationship make, Kowalski// he
thought to himself. /Even if you do love him.// 

 At least he'd only had to put in a half day at the precinct. His mood had
not made him popular with his co-workers. Even Frannie had commented on
it. 

 He tried to find some way to distract himself. He attempted a few games
of Solitaire. He channel surfed on the TV. He took Diefenbaker for a long
walk. When he got back from the walk he couldn't keep himself from
checking his answering machine hopefully, but there were no messages. 

 Ray really could not understand his partner's behavior. This was just not
like Fraser. Didn't he know that Ray would worry about him? Did Canadians
not know anything about 'morning after' etiquette? 

 Ray was getting seriously pissed. 

 

 When it was finally time to leave and go to the prison, Robert Fraser
attempted to talk to his son one more time. 

 "You don't have to do this. Put her behind you," he said. 

 "No, Dad. I have to see her. It's the only way I can know for sure that
she means nothing to me anymore." 

 Bob gave up. Benton must have inherited that stubbornness from his
mother. 

 All the way to the prison, Fraser thought about what he would say when he
finally saw Victoria. Why had she not stayed behind when he'd been shot?
He supposed it was because she knew she would go to jail if she did. He'd
hoped she would at least call to find out how he was, but Ray had told him
she hadn't. Not entirely certain that his partner was telling the truth,
Ben had done some checking on his own. The hospital staff told him that no
one outside of the Vecchio family and the cops at the 27th had asked after
him. He'd even checked with other area hospitals, but no one had called
any of them looking for him. Once he'd gotten over his hurt at losing
Victoria, he'd gradually realized that the shooting had actually been one
of the best things that had happened to him since he'd been in Chicago. It
had prevented him from leaving with Victoria, and had taught him who his
true friends were. 

 And now he was going to confront the woman who had been the cause of all
of it. 

 Victoria was led into the room in handcuffs. A guard sat her behind a
table and gestured for Fraser to submit to a search. After it was
determined that he carried no weapons or contraband he was allowed to on
the other side of the table. "No touching," said the guard, who stepped
back slightly - but only slightly. 

 "Ben!" exclaimed Victoria happily. Fraser took an appraising look at her.
She was thinner than she had been, and paler. He supposed she didn't get
much fresh air or sunlight in prison. 

 "Victoria," he said with a polite nod. "How are you?" 

 Victoria shrugged. "Lonely," she said. "How are you?" 

 "I am well, thank you," Ben replied. "You wanted to see me. Why?" 

 "You get straight to the point, don't you?" the woman laughed. "I wanted
to try and make amends for what I put you through when I was in Chicago.
Apologize for getting you mixed up in my affairs." 

 "What about burning down my father's cabin? And shooting Diefenbaker?"
Fraser asked. 

 "That too," said Victoria. She tried to sound sincere, but Fraser wasn't
buying it. 

 "I was shot," he said softly. "Right in front of you. And you just kept
going." 

 "I had to - I was afraid I would be arrested if I stayed." 

 "You could have at least tried to find out if I survived." 

 "Why do you think I sent that letter to the Consulate?" 

 "Two years after the shooting, yes." 

 Victoria sighed. She wasn't getting her own way. She couldn't wrap Ben
around her finger as easily as she used to. She tried again. 

 "Look, we both made some mistakes. Not trying to reach you after you were
shot was one of mine. But why didn't *you* look for *me*?" 

 "You disappeared quite effectively," replied the Mountie dryly. 

 "Let's not talk about the past," said Victoria suddenly, changing
tactics. "I wanted to see you. I wanted to see if we still have a chance."


 "The answer to that is no," stated Fraser firmly. "I've moved on. I have
someone new in my life now." 

 "What's her name?" Victoria demanded. 

 "What makes you so certain it's a 'she' ?" asked Fraser. "Goodbye,
Victoria." He got up and started to leave. This woman meant nothing to him
anymore. All he felt for her was pity. 

 "BEN!" she yelled after him. He turned back to look at her. "Um, what
happened to my diamonds?" she asked. 

 "Goodbye, Victoria." 

 

 Ray was beginning to come out of his "mad." He had calmed down
considerably over the past several hours. 

 //I love Fraser// he thought to himself. //I don't own him. He's free to
do whatever he wants, go wherever he wants. If he didn't want to see me
again, he wouldn't have left that note.// The note that Fraser had signed
"Love." He told himself that if he wanted to have any kind of relationship
with the Mountie, he had to trust him. 

 It was getting late, but Ray didn't want to go to bed. He'd spent last
night in that bed with Fraser. He hated the idea of getting into it alone.
He stretched out on the couch with Dief at his feet and started to doze
off. 

 KNOCK! KNOCK! 

 He awoke in an instant. It was Fraser. He just knew it was Fraser. It had
to be. No one else would be knocking on his door at this hour. He jumped
up and barely stopped himself from running to answer it. Instead, he
walked in what he hoped was a casual manner to the door, trying not to
rush. Finally, after taking a deep breath and peering through the spy
hole, he opened the door. 

 "Hello, Ray," said Fraser softly. 

 "Hi. Guess you came to fetch the wolf." 

 "I came to talk to you, Ray. May I come in?" 

 Ray nodded and stepped aside to allow his partner in. "You don't owe me
any explanations," he blurted. "Where you go on yer own time is none of my
business." 

 "I went to see Victoria Metcalfe in prison," stated the Canadian without
preamble. 

 Feeling his knees get weak, Ray quickly sat down. He swallowed hard.
"Oh." He didn't know what else to say. 

 "Do you want to know why I went to see her?" Fraser asked. 

 The blonde man shrugged. "Like I said, none o' my business." 

 "But it is," replied the other man. "I went to see her because of you." 

 The detective's head snapped up. "Because of me? Sorry, Fraser, you just
lost me completely." 

 "I had to be certain that I didn't love her anymore," his lover
explained. "Before I committed myself to you, I needed to be free of her."


 "C-c-committed?" Ray stammered. "What do ya mean, committed?" 

 Fraser moved next to Ray on the couch and took his hand. "Last night was
not a one night stand, Ray. Not for me. I hoped it was the beginning of a
permanent relationship between us. But before I could give myself to you
completely, I needed to put my past behind me. And today I did that." 

 "So, now - you want us to be together - for good?" Ray asked
breathlessly. 

 "If that is what you want, Ray. If it's not - " 

 Ray shut him up with a kiss. "Yes, it's what I want, Fraser!" He kissed
the Mountie again. 

 Some time later, when the two lovers were lying entwined in Ray's bed,
the detective asked, "When you signed your note this morning, you wrote
'love.' Did you mean that?" 

 "Yes, Ray. I love you." 

 His partner sighed. "Love you too, Ben. Always." 

 END