No One Ever Really Dies    

 Written because I was told that there was a possibility that David
Marciano might not return to Due South, and they might write Ray out, and
give Fraser a new partner. I got depressed, and this just reflects it! 

 Disclaimer: All belong to Alliance and Paul Haggis. No copyright
infringement and no offence intended. All new characters are my own
creation, and I apologise for any errors or any depression caused. 
Warning: This is *not* m/m although there is some mention of it. Should
you not lean towards such reading matter, please be warned!! Written based
on a *rumour*. *I* will be the first to cheer should I be proved wrong,
and this story be considered pure nonsense! 

 Good news, bad news, comments, criticism....? I'm at
tuktoyaktuk@hotmail.com 

 No One Ever Really Dies by Hsu-Lyn Yap 

 "Hey, Benny. How's the new partner....um...whatzisname?" 

 "It's not 'whatzisname', Ray. His name's.....Ray?!" Fraser bolted upright
in bed and stared at the figure lounging at the foot of his bed. Familiar
loose Armani suit, familiar Italian loafers, familiar grin,
familiar.....friend. 

 "His name's Ray? Wow! How's that for a coincidence!" Ray's smile belied
the sardonic lift of his eyebrow. 

 "No, his name's not Ray. It's.... are you real or am I dreaming again?"
Fraser looked utterly confused. 

 "What do you mean by 'real', Benny? I am 'real' if you think I am.
Otherwise I wouldn't be here talking to you, would I?" 

 "Hey there, Dief." Ray leaned down to ruffle the wolf's fur. Fraser
watched in astonished horror as his friend's hand passed right through the
wolf. 

 "Sorry. Forgot about that." Ray gave a rueful smile as Dief looked up at
him with a little whine. Animals were naturally aware of the supernatural,
and they were usually uneasy around them. But Dief knew this ghost....if
he could call him that, and Dief missed him. 

 "Did I dream it all or are you dead, Ray?" Fraser asked finally. 

 "I'm dead, Benny." Ray smiled and crossed one leg over the other in a
nonchalant gesture. "Don't worry. You are not going crazy. Unless of
course, you already are, which is why you can see me. But that's besides
the point. How have you been, Benny?" 

 "Fine, Ray." Fraser still looked bewildered. "What are you doing here?" 

 "Geez! And I thought he would be glad to see me!" Ray rolled his eyes
upward. It was such a familiar gesture that Fraser had to pinch himself to
make sure that he was not asleep and dreaming. 

 "I'm glad to see you, Ray. I really am! But why me?" 

 "You mean, you think I'm going to give you a premonition or something?"
Ray grinned. "No way, Benny! I contracted out of that! I'm just here to
hang around, y'know. See how you are doing. You look okay to me." 

 "I am fine. But it's been.....it's been 7 months since....since
that......." Fraser found himself unable to go on. 

 ""It's been 7 months since the day I got killed. You can say it, Benny.
It's not like it's taboo, or anything!" 

 "So, you really died?" 

 "I was blown into about a dozen pieces in that bomb, Benny. If I didn't
die, I'd be a patchwork quilt by now! Of course I died! Wouldn't you?!"
Ray gave a little frown and then looked apologetic. "Sorry. Didn't mean to
bring back memories or anything. When did you get out of the hospital?" 

 "A month later. I didn't have many physical injuries. They said they were
keeping me under observation for a concussion." 

 "No memory loss this time?" 

 "Well, at first. But just for about 2 days. It all came back after that.
I didn't know then that you had.... that you had....." Fraser still could
not bring himself to say it. 

 "That I had died." Ray completed his sentence. "You can say it, you know,
Benny. You just have to get used to it. But I guess you already have,
huh?" 

 Fraser looked at his friend...no, the ghost of his dead best friend, and
his eyes welled with tears as he shook his head. 

 "No, Ray. I have never gotten used to it." 

 "But you have a new partner now. Whatzisname." Ray gave a crooked smile. 

 "Steve. His name's Steve. But we aren't exactly partners." Fraser shook
his head. 

 "Then what are you?" 

 "I'm not too sure, actually. I mean, we were never exactly partners as
well, Ray." 

 "What did you think we were, then?! *I* always thought we were partners!"
Ray looked bewildered and a little outraged. "Now, you are trying to tell
me, after I'm dead, mind you, you are trying to tell me....." 

 "I always thought of us as friends." Fraser interrupted his tirade. 

 Ray just looked at him, an inscrutable expression on his face. Then, he
nodded. "I guess we were that, Benny. Friends more than partners." 

 Ray looked away and tried unsuccessfully to pluck at the bedsheet. "You
were my best friend, you know." 

 "I know, Ray. And you were my best friend too, despite what they say." 

 "They? Who's 'they'?" 

 "Um.... no one, Ray." Fraser immediately looked guilty. 

 

 "You are such a terrible liar, Benny! I would have thought that hanging
around me would have taught you a few things!" Ray shook his head. 

 "It did, Ray." Fraser was quick to disagree. "It taught me to be more
honest with myself and that you weren't the obnoxious person you would
like people to believe you were." 

 "We aren't talking about me, Benny." Ray gritted his teeth. "We were
talking about you! So, what is this about 'they' and what do 'they'
believe?" 

 Fraser pretended not to hear him and looked away, out the window where
the sunrise was casting a glow on the horizon. 

 "Fraser!" 

 "Yes, Ray?" 

 "Don't pretend you didn't hear the question, Fraser. I know damn well you
did!" Ray was infuriated. He was dead, yet Benny still managed to get on
his nerves... if dead men had nerves, that is. 

 "People, Ray. Just people. I found out after your funeral that people
thought that we were......you know..." 

 "No, I don't, Fraser. What did people think?!" Ray ground out irritably. 

 "Well, we used to be together a lot, and they thought that we were, you
know, sleeping together......that sort of thing." Fraser looked slightly
embarrassed. 

 Ray's eyes widened. "They thought we were gay?!" he stared incredulously
as Fraser nodded. 

 Fraser chanced a look at him, wondering what was going to happen now. In
all likelihood, Ray was going to explode. And when he did, Fraser wanted
to be prepared. But he was not prepared for what came next. Ray just
collapsed on the bed, laughing fit to kill. 

 "I don't believe it! They thought we were gay!" he gasped between
belly-aching laughter. "Now I know why I got all those strange looks at
the Precinct! They thought we were sleeping together! And it didn't help,
I guess when we kept disappearing into the closet!" 

 "No, Ray. I don't think it did." Fraser said, for want of something
better to say. 

 "Geez! This is the funniest thing I have ever heard! You told them the
truth, of course, Benny?" 

 "Yes, Ray. I think I did." 

 "What d'ya mean 'you think you did'? You either did or you didn't!" Ray
sobered up quickly. 

 "Well, I was rather surprised when I came to know of it. I got a little
flustered, and... I can't remember if I ever told them specifically that
we were never into that sort of thing." Fraser mumbled, not wanting to
catch Ray's eye. 

 "So, you mean to say that they might still think that we were sleeping
together?" Ray looked horrified. "No offence, Benny. You are my best
friend and all that, but you are probably the last person I'd think of
sleeping with, in that way!" 

 "None taken, Ray. Your mother did come by quite often to make sure that I
was well, and....." 

 "Ma did always have a soft spot for you." Ray gave a lop-sided grin. 

 "And she wanted to ensure that I was not, well....missing you too much. I
mean, I missed you and I still do, but not in that way, you know. I
mean......" Fraser was getting himself tied up in knots. 

 "Ma thought that we were......" Ray stared open-mouthed. 

 "Yes, Ray." Fraser nodded solemnly. 

 "And she was okay about it?!" 

 "Apparently so, Ray." Fraser gave a wry smile. "I tried to explain, but
she wouldn't listen to me. I think she said I was in denial." 

 "Ma?" Ray shook his head in disbelief. "Geez! Why do they always wait
till you are dead, then spring these surprises on you?!" 

 "So, you never told me. What's your new partner like?" Ray decided to
change the subject. 

 "I don't know what you want to know, Ray." 

 "Does he drive a Riviera? Is he as paranoid about his car as I am... I
mean, was?" 

 "No, Ray. I mean, yes, he drives, but not a Riviera, and I do not see as
strong a bond as you had with your car." 

 "Good. Then, he won't think twice about blowing it up." 

 "You have never forgotten that, have you, Ray?" 

 "No, Benny. It still gives... gave me nightmares. Geez! It's so weird
talking about yourself in the past tense!" Ray frowned. "Does he get
irritated with you?" 

 "Sometimes. Not very often. We tend to see eye to eye on most things." 

 "What is he? Canadian?!" Ray looked disgusted. 

 "No, Ray. He's American." 

 "Did he ever live in Canada?" 

 "I think he said he visited once." 

 "Aha! I knew there had to be some link!" Ray pounced triumphantly. 

 "That makes no sense, Ray! You have been to Canada as well." 

 "Are you trying to say that I was not a nice guy?" Ray's eyes narrowed. 

 "No, Ray. I mean, yes, you were a nice guy. But we just didn't see eye to
eye on certain things." Fraser was quick to assure him. 

 "After all I did for him, he is finally being truthful with me. And what
d'ya know? He waits till I'm dead so I can't kill him! The man's a
genius!" Ray bent down to address Dief. "No more donuts I bet, eh Dief?"
he again tried to pat the wolf, and gave a frustrated sigh as again, his
hand simply passed through Dief. 

 "Bet you are glad I'm no longer yelling at you." He looked back up at
Fraser. 

 "You want the truth, Ray?" Fraser was serious. "I miss you yelling at me.


 I'd gotten so used to you that I sometimes still can't believe you are
really gone. I mean, I wait to see the Riv, and it doesn't show up. I go
to the Precinct and expect to find you at your desk, and you aren't there.
I do something or say something, and expect opposition from you, and there
isn't any. No matter what you say, Ray, I've never gotten used to it." 

 Ray did not look at him. He seemed pre-occupied with watching his hand
pass through the folds of the sheet. Fraser fell silent and sat, watching
him. Time ticked slowly by. 

 "Fraser?" two heads swivelled towards the door. 

 "That's Steve." Fraser got out of bed to see what he wanted. "Maybe you
should stay, Ray, just to meet, I mean, see him?" 

 Ray gave a humourless smile and stood up. "I'd like that, Benny. But
maybe some other time. I've got to go. Take care of yourself, all right?" 

 "Ray, wait! Ray?" Fraser called desperately as Ray began to fade from
view. 

 Ray simply smiled a sad smile and gave a little wave. And then, he was
gone. Dief gave a little whine. He was upset as well. 

 "Fraser? Were you talking to someone?" Steve asked curiously. 

 "No, Steve. Just Diefenbaker." Fraser tried to smile. 

 "I came to see if you wanted a ride to work today." 

 "Thank you, Steve. But I don't think I can make it to work today. I don't
feel too well, and I have some sick leave owed to me." 

 "Are you okay? Do you need a doctor?" 

 "No, Steve. Thank you kindly. It's just an old ache, that's all. I'll be
all right." Fraser's smile was starting to waver. 

 "If you say so. I'll check in later, okay?" Steve looked concerned. 

 "I'll be fine, Ray.... I mean, Steve." Fraser quickly corrected his
mistake. "I just need a little rest. I'll be all right." 

 Fraser closed the door after Steve had gone, and sank to the floor,
leaning against the door. He closed his eyes and ran his fingers through
his hair dejectedly. Diefenbaker left his place by the bed and came over
to tuck his head under Fraser's arm, and give him a sympathetic lick. 

 "You know, Dief, they say a person never really dies if someone somewhere
remembers them and continues to love them. They just go on living in your
head and heart." Fraser gave a half-hearted smile and ruffled the wolf's
fur. Then, he clasped him in a tight hug. 

 "Oh Dief! I really miss him." 

 Dief whined in understanding, and turned to lick away the salty tears. 

 THE END 

 Hsu-Lyn Yap
 (copyright 1997
 

 30 January 1997 

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