This is an apology by way of story for my beloved Silvina, whom I
would never intentionally upset in any way   

This is an apology by way of story for my beloved Silvina, whom I would
never intentionally upset in any way. Someone with such a lovely name
should never be unhappy!  

This is an angsty sap (or is that sappy angst?) story, and it is rated PG.
 

Alliance owns these characters, and I claim no legal right to them, nor
will I make any money from this story.	ONE STORMY NIGHT  

The lightning split the sky outside, followed closely by a loud clap of
thunder. Inside his apartment, Ben jumped slightly and looked up from the
sofa and the book he was trying to read to stare out the window at the
pounding rain.	

He turned back to his book, but found himself unable to concentrate.
Finally, he tossed the book onto the coffee table with a restless sigh and
stood up and walked into the kitchen, checking the time on the clock
against his watch.  

He frowned slightly. Ray had been at a police seminar today, held in
Milwaukee. He had, of course, insisted on driving by himself, in the Riv.
Ben glanced back up at the clock again. Ray was late. He should have been
home a little over an hour ago.  

Ben walked back into the living room and stared out at the storm. It was
the worst storm he had experienced since living in Chicago; and according
to the news reports, one of the worst in the past ten years.  

The weather report that morning had predicted rain, even thunderstorms,
but the severity of the storm had caught everyone by surprise. It was also
a very large storm, stretching practically to Milwaukee, where Ray was.  

Ben took a deep breath and trailed his fingers lightly over the
windowpane. It was perfectly reasonable that Ray would be a little late in
returning. This storm was enough to delay anyone; and under these weather
conditions, Ray would be especially careful. Ray was fine. He was fine.  

It was even possible that the seminar had run overtime. The speakers at
these things usually loved the sound of their own voices, and tended to
ignore their time limit. Ben grinned, remembering a few of the conferences
he had attended.  

He walked back into the kitchen and picked up the notepad from the
counter. Ray had left the number of the hotel where the conference was
being held; and Ben dialed the number now.  

A few minutes later, Ben hung up the phone, far more worried and upset
then he had been. According to the manager at the hotel, the conference
had actually let out early due to the storm. Even accounting for the bad
weather, Ray should have been home over three hours ago.  

Ben stood numbly by the phone for a few minutes, then got out the phone
book and paged through it with shaking hands. Finding the number he
wanted, he called the highway department and checked on the condition of
the roads.  

The woman on the other end of the phone reported minor delays, but nothing
that would account for Ray being as late as he was. Benny automatically
thanked the woman, then hung up the phone and walked back into the living
room and dropped onto the sofa.  

Ben tried to think calmly and clearly past the sudden pounding of his
heart. He needed to think clearly now. There had to be some perfectly
rational reason why Ray was so late.  

Maybe he had run into a delay on the road that hadn't been reported to the
highway department yet. Or maybe Ray had decided to stay over at the hotel
and wait out the storm. But if that were the case, why hadn't Ray called
him? Hurrying back into the kitchen, he called Ray's cell phone, only to
receive a message that his call could not be completed due to service
difficulties.  

Ben hung up the phone and started pacing the apartment. He needed to get
control of himself. Ray's cell phone was probably out due to the weather
conditions. It didn't mean that Ray was... Ray was fine.  

Ben roamed through the apartment that seemed suddenly empty and barren. He
and Ray had moved into the apartment together four months ago, after a
long and frustrating search.  

Either the apartment had been too large for Benny, or too small for Ray.
If the apartment was right, the neighborhood was not suitable for one man
or the other. Finally, with a sense of happiness mixed with strong relief,
they had found this place, which was perfect for both of them.	

As Ben wandered through the apartment, he could see Ray everywhere. From
the kitchen, stocked with every pot, pan and cooking implement available,
to the television and stereo in the living room, and the family pictures
on the mantle of the fireplace.  

Not only were the Vecchio family pictures there, but there was a double
frame with a picture of Bob Fraser in full dress uniform in one half, and
Benny in full dress uniform in the other half. There was also an old
picture of Bob, Caroline and a very young Benton Fraser, which Ray had dug
out of Ben's trunk and had restored and framed as a special house-warming
gift for Benny.  

But the picture that held the place of prominence was a picture of Benny
and Ray. It had been taken by Rosa, with neither man aware that they were
being photographed. They were standing in the backyard of Rosa's home,
their arms around each other, laughing. They both looked very happy and
carefree and very much in love.  

Ben smiled and ran his finger over Ray's face in the photo. Suddenly, he
whirled around and went back into the kitchen and picked up the phone,
then slowly placed it back in the cradle. He couldn't think of who to
call.  

He didn't want to call Rosa. If Ray had talked to his Mother, Ben would
have heard from Rosa by now, and he didn't want to cause the woman any
undue worry.  

Ben sighed and picked up the phone. Maybe he should try Ray's cell phone
again. As he brought the receiver to his ear, Ben frowned. Instead of
getting a dial tone, he heard a burst of static. The phone lines were
down.  

Hanging up the phone, Ben walked slowly into the bedroom, the feeling of
dread stronger than ever. Another loud clap of thunder shook the walls,
and Ben jumped. Ray had to be all right. He had to be.	

Ben entered the bedroom and walked over to the closet. Opening the door,
he grinned. If anything could sum up the differences between he and Ray
quickly and succinctly, it was their closet.  

He ran his hands over the elegant, tailored suits and silk and 100% cotton
shirts hanging next to the serge uniforms, flannel shirts and cable-knit
sweaters.  

Reaching up onto the shelf, Ben pulled down a plain grey sweatshirt. This
was his favorite article of Ray's clothing. He wore it when they went
running, or when they played basketball or football in the park. Ben
pressed his face into the shirt and breathed in deeply. The shirt smelled
of Ray, and Ben smiled.  

He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, still clutching the
sweatshirt. There was another violent flash of lightning and a huge
thunderclap, and the lights flickered and went out.  

"Oh, God." Ben whispered, and lay down on the bed, holding the sweatshirt
against his chest. Ray had to be okay. He had to be. He couldn't go back
to the way things had been before Ray had come into his life.  

Ben rolled over onto his side and ran his hand slowly over Ray's half of
the bed. Ray had shown him a whole new world- a world of light and color
and laughter. And all that had happened before they had even become
lovers.  

Since that had happened- since Ray had become his partner in every way-
Benny had experienced things he had never known before. The wonder of
having someone know you better than anyone else- all your strengths, as
well as your frailties and your flaws- and love you anyway.  

Thanks to Ray, he knew that it was all right to have a difference of
opinion- to have an argument even- and it didn't take away from the love
and respect you felt for the other person. And the making up wasn't bad,
either.  

And he found that spending an entire Saturday just being with his lover
and doing nothing special- something that in the past he would have
referred to as "wasting an entire day" he now thought of as "a day very
well spent."  

Diefenbaker came into the room and laid his head on the bed next to Ben,
whining softly, but Ben barely registered his presence.  

Ben lay on the bed, trying to think positive thoughts. His rational mind
told him that of course Ray was all right, that he had just been delayed
somehow by the storm. But another part of his mind, and his heart, was
telling him that a horrible pattern in his life was about to repeat
itself.  

"Oh, God." Benny whispered. "I can't lose Ray. I can't. I can't be alone
again."  

Ben lost all track of time as he lay on the bed, holding Ray's shirt and
praying for him. Suddenly, Dief raised his head with a little whine. Ben
looked over at him. "Diefenbaker?"  

With a burst of happy barking, Dief ran from the bedroom into the living
room. Ben sat up on the bed, his heart pounding.  

Ben heard a key in the lock, followed by the door opening and closing.
"Hey, why is it so dark in here? Benny, you home?"  

Ben stood up and hurried from the room, dropping Ray's sweatshirt on the
bed as he went. As he moved through the apartment, he could hear Ray
moving around in the kitchen.  

Ben walked into the kitchen just as Ray lit one of the kerosene lanterns
Ben had insisted upon keeping.	

"Guess these were a good idea after all, huh, Benny?" Ray grinned. "Geez,
why were you sitting around in the dark?"  

Ben stared at his lover in disbelief. "Ray, where were you?"  

"God, Benny. You would not believe the time I had getting here."  

"Ray, where were you?" Ben repeated, more insistently.	

"You won't believe it, but the Riv picked today of all days to break down.
I had to have it towed to some repair shop all the way back in Milwaukee,
and then had to wait while they found me a loaner, which of course is a
piece of crap, and then I had to drive that one all the way home in the
storm."  

"Why didn't you call me, Ray?" Now that his worry and fear was over, Ben
found himself growing more and more angry by the moment.  

"Geez, Benny, I tried. But the phone in the repair shop was out because of
the storm, and I couldn't get through on my cell phone, either."  

"And you didn't pass one single pay phone between here and Milwaukee? Not
one rest stop or service station where you could stop and call me to tell
me you were okay?" Ben's voice was rising steadily.  

"God, Benny. Lighten up."  

"Lighten up? Ray, how could you have been so thoughtless?"  

"I wasn't being thoughtless, Benny! I was staying on the highway because I
was afraid to get off. I was trying to get home. I didn't think I had to
inform you of my progress every step of the way."  

"Ray!" Ben broke off as he noticed something. "Ray, you're shivering."	

"Yeah, to make the day complete, I had to park the rental three blocks
from here and walk back through the pouring rain."  

Ben sighed. "For God's sake, Ray, go dry yourself and put on some warm,
dry clothes."  

"Benny..."  

"Go, Ray."  

Ray left the kitchen and headed for the bedroom, and Ben sank down into a
chair at the kitchen table and buried his face in his hands. He didn't
even notice when the lights came back on.  

"Benny?"  

Ben jumped and looked up at the sound of his lover's quiet voice, and
squinted at the unexpected brightness. Blowing out the kerosene lantern,
he put it back in the cupboard under the sink and closed the door with a
slam.  

He started back towards the living room, but was stopped by Ray stepping
in front of him and taking his arm.  

Ben pulled his arm free and stepped around his lover.  

  

"Benny, come on. Talk to me. Okay, okay, I should have found a way to
call. I was wrong, okay? I'm sorry. But don't you think you're over
reacting a little?"  

Ben kept his back to Ray and didn't answer.  

"Benny, come on. Why are you really so upset?"	

Ben turned around to face him. "I thought you were dead, Ray."	

Ray looked absolutely stunned. "You what?"  

"You were an hour overdue, and I was getting a little worried, so I called
the hotel, to see if maybe the conference had run over and you were still
there. They told me you had left early."  

"Oh, Benny." Ray looked stricken. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea you would
do that, or I would have found some way to call you for sure. But you
didn't really think... you couldn't have really thought that, Benny."  

"Logically, I didn't, I thought there had to be some rational explanation.
But I wasn't thinking rationally, Ray. I thought that I had lost you. Just
like I've lost everyone else."	

  

Ray was across the room in three quick steps and had Benny in his arms.
"No, Benny. No. You didn't lose me, and you're not going to. I'm here
love. I'm right here; and I wouldn't leave you. What did I promise you,
Benny?"  

There was no answer.  

"Benny? What did I promise you?"  

"You promised me forever, Ray."  

"That's right. Have I ever broken a promise to you, Benny?"  

"No, Ray."  

"That's right. And I'm not about to start on something this important."  

"Sometimes people leave whether they want to or not, Ray."  

Ray tightened his arms around Benny and cupped the back of his head in his
hand, running his fingers lightly through Ben's hair.  

Silently, Ray cursed. Cursed himself, cursed the bad weather, cursed the
phones for not working, cursed the Riv for breaking down, but most of all,
he cursed everyone who had ever left Benny, if they had meant to or not.  

Finally, he pulled away to smile into Benny's face. "Benny, I do have some
control over the situation, you know. Say a tree had fallen on the car and
squished me today. You know what would have happened?"	

Ben shook his head.  

"I would have gotten up to the Pearly Gates and raised such a stink that
they would have sent me back to Earth- back to you- just to shut me up and
get rid of me."  

Ben laughed. "I can see that happening."  

Ray grinned at him. "See, Benny? No way am I leaving you. Ever. For any
reason. So you damn well get used to the idea that I'm going to be around
for a long, long time."  

Ben cupped Ray's cheek in one hand, and leaned in for a kiss. "I can live
with that." He smiled.	

Taking Ray's hand, Benny led his lover into the bedroom.   THE END  

Comments Welcome ShannonK@webtv.net