Responsibility    Responsibility by Kim Novak

  

 <pre>Responsibilities 

 by Kim Novak 

 Rated PG to be on the safe side 

 This is my first attempt to submit anything I've written. Comments and
questions would be greatly appreciated. By the way, the only character
that's truly mine is Madison. The rest belong to their respective
creators. Thank you, kindly! 

 It was a regular business sized envelope, the kind he saw dozens of
everyday. The only unusual aspect of this envelope was that it was
addressed directly to him instead of the Canadian Consulate. He turned it
over in his hands as he walked over to the window. It was dark already,
and he could see some of the city lights spread out below his second story
office window. Somehow Chicago had become home- had it really been four
years since he had tracked his father's killer to this once-foreign city? 

 "Yes, son, I've been dead for four years." Ben didn't even look around.
He took his father's intrusion as a matter course, much like the
Inspector's list of daily chores. As he continued gazing out the window,
he tried to remember if he had ever lived in one location for more than
two years before this. His grandparents and he had always been moving;
that was the nature of a travelling library. Before he lived with his
grandparents, he had lived with his mother, and he could not remember
where they had lived before she died. 

 "Dad?" he asked pensively, "Where did Mom and I live?" 

 "When you were born? Or afterwards?" 

 "Well, both I suppose. I can't remember anymore." He had been slowly
losing his mother for close to twenty-five years now. It barely hurt that
he couldn't remember where they lived; it hurt more that he had lost the
sound of her voice and almost lost the color of her eyes and hair. 

 He turned expectantly to face the ghostly image of his father; solid, yet
not real. His father was contemplating the question. Ben could see that
his father was surprised that Ben could not remember as simple of a thing
as where he lived before he was six years old. 

 "Hm. Well, you were born in Whitehorse, right?" his father replied. 

 "Um, yes. Either Whitehorse or Fort Mackenzie, I think." 

 "No, not Fort Mackenzie. That's where I lived when your mother passed
away. It must have been Whitehorse. Well, wherever it was, you lived there
until you were about a year and a half old, then I think you and your
mother came to live with me someplace. Maybe Inuvik. You moved with me for
a time." 

 "Until when?" 

 "Oh, you must have been about four. You and your mother moved to some
town. She was beginning to get sick by that time, son." 

 "Was Mama sick a long time?" He often slid back into calling his mother
Mama when he was thinking about her death. It made him feel like he was
six again; small and powerless. 

 "She wasn't severely ill until the end, but she was sick for almost two
years, Benton. Don't you remember?" No, he didn't remember. All he could
remember about that time was something had been terribly wrong, and
Grandma came to take care of him. Then the morning she died, he could
remember running out of the house without his coat and only wearing his
house sneakers. His grandma had promised that he wouldn't "go away" like
Mama did. It was little use telling his father this. Surely his father
knew that Ben could hardly remember that he had once had a mother, let
alone the details of her death. He turned back to the window, flipping the
envelope absentmindedly in his hands. Gradually, he became aware that he
was alone again. He kept thinking about his mother, and what he had told
his father once- his father never saw her. 

 *You never saw her. You never saw who...who she was. You never saw her
when she was angry, you never saw her when she was frightened, you never
saw her when she was brave or when she was being petty. You never saw
her... She didn't deserve better, she deserved you!* (Victoria's Secret) 

 Eventually his reverie was interrupted by an exuberant shout: "Hey Benny,
you gonna work all night?" Ben realized that Ray was yelling from the
bottom of the stairs. It must have been later than he thought; the
receptionist must have gone home. Ray couldn't come up to his office
because there wasn't anyone to unlock the new security gate. He left his
office and walked to the head of the staircase. 

 "I'll be right down, Ray" he yelled back to his best friend. He went back
to his office to get his hat, and, shoving the envelope in his front
pocket, he descended the stairs to meet his friend. 

 Detective Ray Vecchio was leaning against the receptionist's desk when
Ben reached the first floor. 

 "Took you long enough. You have dinner yet?" 

 "No, not yet, Ray." 

 "For crying out loud, it's nine-thirty! When did you eat lunch- no never
mind. I should have known that you haven't eaten. I swear, Fraser," Ray
said as he gently pushed his friend out the door, "you would waste away to
nothin' without someone around to make sure you eat when you're working
overtime. I know you, Benny. If I hadn't said anything, you would have
just gone home, cleaned up and went to bed, right? You know something,
sleeping on an empty stomach will give you nightmares." Ray continued his
monologue as they got into the prized Buick Riviera. Ben smiled slightly
as Ray kept up his Italian-influenced chatter about eating "properly" and
being a pushover about overtime work. 

 As Ben got out of the car at the all-night diner that was halfway between
his home and Ray's house, he felt the envelope in his pocket. He pulled it
out and looked at it when he sat down across from Ray in the booth of the
busy diner. 

 "What's that?" Ray asked. 

 "I don't know. I haven't opened it yet." he replied as he used his table
knife to slice open the envelope. As he read the letter, Ray watched his
face pale. 

 "What? What is it?" Ben didn't respond at all. Ray watched him worriedly.
When Ben finally looked up, his eyes were haunted. "Benny?" 

 Ben shook his head and handed Ray the letter. As Ray read it he felt his
stomach sink. No, not again. This lady was not going to turn their lives
upside down again. He looked up at Ben and sighed. 

 "It'll be all right, Benny. Don't worry. Everything's gonna be okay,
because..." 

 "Because this time she can't do anything to me, because I'm not going to
let her come anywhere near me." Ben interrupted. 

 "That would be an excellent idea. Besides, from this letter I gather
she's in custody in Seattle. I don't think she will be coming to Chicago."


 "I know. I just had to say it so that you know that I have no intention
of having anything to do with her." 

 "Benny, it doesn't look like you have much choice about dealing with her.
Unless you can say for absolutely sure that..." 

 "I can't. As a matter of fact, it's probably true. It's been enough time
for...my daughter to be 18 months old." He'd said it, so now it was true.
He had a daughter. 

 "Well. Are you all right? I mean, are you sure about all this? You did
the math, right?" Ray asked. Ben shrugged. The idea just seemed so far
from real that he was completely overwhelmed. 

 "What are you going to do?" 

 "I don't know." Ben replied. "Apparently, Victoria has been found, and I
would assume she will stand trial..." 

 "Oh she will, believe me. Don't you worry about that. I'll make
absolutely sure of it." Ray interrupted. 

 "Well, then obviously...Madison will be taken away from her, correct?" 

 "Definitely. But, Benny, can you be sure she's you're daughter? It's a
definite possibility, but how can you be sure? This letter doesn't mention
any paternity tests, and I'm pretty sure you have to do something for
those. Victoria could be using you again." Like last time, Ray thought. 

 "Last time," Ben said slowly and flatly as if he had read Ray's mind, "I
let her use me. This is different." 

 "How?" 

 "No one, no one can use me like that ever again, believe me." Ray
believed him. He had seen the walls go up; thick, high walls around
Benny's naivete and innocence. He watched Ben's haunted look disappear
behind those hard-won walls. Ben rarely showed any emotion, and even this
pained reaction probably wasn't visible to anyone except Ray. Whenever
anything affected Ben, he hid behind his walls. Ray watched his friend's
retreat and remembered once wondering if his friend was human. 

 *Are you human Benny? Because if you are, human beings feel things, okay?
They feel anger, they feel love, they feel lust and sometimes-and I know
you don't want to hear this- sometimes they even cry.* (Red, White, or
Blue) 

 Ray understood now that Benny was human. He had just been a simple
observer of life and troubles for so long that it was difficult for him to
know how to react. Ray, on the other hand, was just too Italian to keep
his feelings bottled up for long. 

 "I think," Ben said suddenly, "I need some time to...consider this... I
mean, my, um, situation, here. It might not be in Madison's best interests
to come live with me." 

 "That probably won't matter. If it can be proven that you're her father
and that you didn't sign any papers to give sole custody to her mother, or
to give her up for adoption, you'll get custody. Whether you CAN take care
of Madison probably won't matter; Most judges will rule for the child to
go to their birth parent, regardless." 

 Just then a waitress finally came over to take their orders. Neither man
ordered much, and they sat in silence for quite some time after they
ordered. When the food came, Ray ate, mostly because he almost always ate
when there was food in front of him. Ben just picked at his food and
didn't really eat anything. 

 "I wonder if she's a US citizen?" Ben finally said just to break the
silence. 

 "Well, I think you can assume she was born in Seattle, so probably. I'm
sure you'll be told for certain when...if you take her." Ray answered
absently. 

 They settled their checks, and drove home in silence, each lost in their
own thoughts. When they reached Ben's apartment building, Ray said "If you
need anything- someone to talk, an ice cream sandwich, whatever, ANYTHING,
you know where to find me. You won't hesitate to call, will you?" 

 "No. I'll call if I need anything. I think right now all I need is some
sleep- I'm rather tired." 

 "Well, of course you are! It's not every day you get news like this." Ray
said. 

 "Thank you, Ray," Ben said as he got out of the car. Ray nodded and
watched his friend enter the decrepit building, then drove for home. 

 Ben made his way up the stairs to his third floor apartment. The July
heat was stifling, and became more oppressive the higher he climbed. In
the summertime, he usually took the elevator, but, as usual, it was
broken. He fumbled for his keys as he walked down the hall to his
apartment. When he opened the door, Diefenbaker, his wolf, greeted him. 

 "What? You had your supper, I know you did. Willie came and fed, youhe
called and told me. You aren't going to get a second supper out of me,
Dief." he said wearily. As he undressed, he felt more tired. The heat made
him drowsy, and after turning on the fan, he collapsed on his narrow bed.
He looked around at his Spartan apartment. It was only a two room
apartment- well, one and a half, really. It was barely large enough for
him and Dief. It certainly wasn't large enough for a child, too. The
reality of the situation was beginning to sink in, and the more he thought
about it, the angrier he became. Why had it taken him this long to
discover his child, this Madison Newlyn. He wondered idly when Victoria
had become Renee Newlyn. He had never seen any indication that she had
ever used an alias. As more thoughts about his child and Victoria
continued to make his night a sleepless one, Ben became more and more
convinced that his only real and responsible course of action was to take
custody of Madison. 

 "So you finally figured that out, son?" Ben propped his head up on his
arms and looked across the room to find his father leaning against his
kitchen table. 

 "You knew, didn't you?" Ben accused. 

 "Of course I knew. And of course, I couldn't tell you. You have to find
SOME things out for yourself, son." Ben smiled humorlessly. "Is she really
mine?" 

 "What do you think? Of course she's really yours- I wouldn't have known
about her otherwise," his father replied, somewhat enigmatically. "This is
your second chance, son. This is the only way you will ever be able to do
right by this woman, or your daughter. I don't understand your love for
her, but if you take that little girl, you will fulfill whatever promises
you made to her. 

 "I didn't MAKE any promises," Ben protested. 

 "Yes, you did, son, yes you did. You promised her your help, and you
promised your heart. This little one fulfills your obligations. Madison's
the one who deserves your promises, not Victoria." And with that, his
father left Ben alone with his thoughts. Ben's thoughts ironically turned
back to his mother. He wondered why SHE never came and talked with him.
His father had once claimed to have seen his grandmother, but he never
said anything about seeing his mother. What would his mother say? He knew
that his conversations with his father were mostly, if not entirely, out
of his imagination. The most likely reason he never saw his mother was
that he had mostly forgotten her. If he took Madison, he wondered, would
Madison forget HER mother, too? He knew that she probably would. She would
forget the sound of Victoria's voice, forget the color of her hair, and
the way she walked. She would forget like he forgot. At least she would
have him. She wouldn't be forced off on relatives she hardly knew, and who
didn't really want her in the first place. He didn't have any relatives to
force her off on, anyway. If he didn't take her, then she would be placed
with strangers. Strangers who would probably love her like she was their
own daughter, but not family. She would never know who she was, never know
about HER family. He couldn't do that to her- he couldn't do that to
anyone. Even if she wasn't his, he knew deep in his heart, he would have
taken her. 

 The next morning, Ray knocked on Ben's apartment door before Ben had
quite managed to get out of bed. He groaned as Ray yelled "Come on, Benny!
We're late!" Ben reached over and snagged his watch to check the time. It
was 8:30. That was definitely late, he thought foggily. 

 "The door's open, Ray," he called as he stumbled around the corner to the
small sink and mirror in a small alcove. 

 "Where are you?" Ray asked as he entered the apartment. 

 "Back here. I overslept." Ray walked around the corner and leaned against
the wall. 

 "No kidding," he said as he watched Ben splash water over his unshaven
face. "Rough night?" 

 "Yeah," Ben gasped from the cold water. 

 "When did you get to sleep?" 

 "I don't know. Maybe five?" Ben ducked past Ray and grabbed his uniform. 

 "Should I call the Consulate and tell them you're running late?" Ray
asked, pulling out his cellular phone. 

 "Um, what time is it?" 

 "8:40." 

 "Yeah, call. Tell them I'll be there by the meeting." Ray called both the
Consulate and the Precinct where he worked as Ben finished dressing. By 9,
they were on their way to the Consulate. 

 As they drove, Ray glanced over at Ben and winced. He looked terrible.
Dark circles stood out around bloodshot eyes. He was a bit pale and he
couldn't seem to keep his eyes open. The adrenaline rush of being late was
fading and Ben couldn't seem to stop yawning. 

 "Are you sure you're going to make it through your day?" Ray asked
concernedly. 

 "What? Oh, sure, I'm fine" Ben answered sleepily. 

 Ray continued to drive, but watched out of the corner of his eye as Ben
fell back asleep. 

 "Bennnnyyyy, wake uppp" he said. 

 "What? Oh, I'm sorry Ray. What did you say?" 

 "How much sleep did you get?" 

 "Maybe three hours," Ben answered sheepishly. 

 "That's about what I thought" Ray turned down a side street and headed to
his house on the other side of the El tracks. "I'll call you in sick or
something- there's no way you're going to make it through the day on three
hours of sleep." 

 "Ray, I have to go to this meeting!" Ben protested. 

 "All right, what's the meeting about?" He watched as Ben frowned, trying
to force his sleep fogged brain to remember. "I didn't think you could
tell me. See, Benny, you're better off just not going to work. Your
Inspector would fry you if you showed up like this, and then she would
hate you even more." 

 "She doesn't hate me, Ray. It's just...Oh never mind." 

 "Whatever, Benny. You're just going to have to make do with the spare
room at the Vecchio house, because I don't have time to take you home."
Ben tiredly nodded his acquiescence. 

 When Ben finally woke up around 1:30, he was slightly disoriented. The
bed in Ray's spare room was a great deal more comfortable than his own
bed, and it was much later than he usually woke up, even when he didn't
have to work. He didn't think he'd slept this late since his month long
stay in the hospital after being shot in the back. Talk about painful
memories, he thought sadly. The injury was a non-discussion topic, but Ben
knew it was never far from either Ray's mind or his own. Victoria had done
that- even if it had been Ray's actions, Victoria was still responsible.
He thought briefly about whether taking Madison would be helping or
harming Victoria, but decided it didn't matter. 

 He swung his legs over the side of the bed and contemplated his boots.
Going barefoot in the Vecchio household wasn't always a good idea because
of all the small children and toys always underfoot. Ben was always amazed
that Ray, his mother, his sister, Frannie, and his sister Maria's family
of five could all fit under one roof in reasonable harmony. Glancing at
the boots and then the floor, he decided to risk his feet and leave off
his shoes. He cautiously opened the bedroom door- one could never tell
what was on the other side in this house. He had once almost tripped over
Grace, the youngest, while exiting the bathroom. It was 1:30, though, and
that was lunchtime in the summer. 

 Ben could hear the usual clamor as he walked down the hall to the
kitchen. Madison was 18 months old, he thought. That would make her just
about exactly 18 months younger than Grace. Funny how that worked. 

 "Well, hello sleepy-head," called Ray's mother, Mrs. Vecchio. Ben smiled
self consciously as everyone turned to greet him. Last night must have
been macaroni and cheese night, because everyone had the leftover
casserole on their plates. 

 "Would you like yours heated up?" Mrs. Vecchio asked Ben as he found a
vacant chair at the table. He wasn't terribly hungry, but it would be
impolite to refuse. 

 "No, cold's fine, Mrs. Vecchio. Thank you kindly." Ben picked at his
lunch- brunch, really, seeing as he'd never eaten breakfast- as the
children and Maria finished lunch and got ready to go swimming. When they
had left, Mrs. Vecchio sat down at the table next to Ben. 

 "Ray said you had a very rough night, and that you wouldn't be able to
work today. He wants you to call him. Finish your lunch, though." Ben
nodded and put a forkful of macaroni in his mouth. It was rather good,
especially cold. "He wouldn't say what was troubling you, though. He said
it was your business to tell if you wanted to." Her warm, maternal brown
eyes met his blue eyes in parental concern. Ever since Ray had dragged him
home for dinner during his first week in Chicago, Mrs. Vecchio had taken a
liking to Ben, especially when she discovered that he had no family. Ray's
family had come to be a surrogate family to Ben, and Mrs. Vecchio's
concern was too strong to resist. 

 "Oh, Mrs. Vecchio, it's all messed up," he sighed. 

 "Why?" she asked, and although Ben's first, normal reaction was to clam
up, he found himself pouring the whole tale in her lap. 

 He explained Victoria- how they met when he tracked her down and saved
her from freezing almost fifteen years ago. How he arrested her, even
though he was more than half out of his mind in love with her. How she had
come to Chicago to get revenge for her arrest- ten years of her life. Ben
told Mrs. Vecchio about how, in that early summer week, he had almost lost
Ray's friendship forever. How he had only thought about himself, only
realizing what was happening when it was almost too late. He told her
about being arrested for a murder Victoria committed and framed him for,
and Ray posting his bail. He told about Victoria's coercion- how she
forced him to complete an illegal transaction with stolen money, the
consequences being Ray's career and in essence his life. He told her about
wrecking her home to find the evidence Victoria intended to use to
incriminate Ray- and never thinking about cleaning it up, only stopping
Victoria. Finally, he explained how he had almost ruined Ray himself by
seriously considering jumping bail to go with Victoria, and how Ray had
really saved his life in the process of almost ending it. 

 All throughout his tale, Mrs. Vecchio sat silently, moving only to cover
one of Ben's hands with her own. Her silent acceptance of this painful
confession was all Ben needed to continue. He told her about the letter he
had received from Seattle the day before, and how it had told him he had a
18 month old daughter named Madison. Then, he explained what he hadn't
even told Ray yet- he HAD to take custody of Madison, so he could give her
at least the knowledge of two parents, something he had never truly had,
even when his own mother had been alive. When he finally wrung out every
last word, he discovered that he was practically crying. 

 "You're doing the right thing, Ben," Mrs. Vecchio said. After awhile, Ben
nodded agreement. Mrs. Vecchio stood and patted him on the shoulder as she
left him alone in the kitchen. Ben sat motionless, just thinking, for some
time. He was still sitting there two hours later when Ray came home. He
sat in the seat his mother had vacated and watched his friend expectantly.


 "I am..." Ben started, but trailed off as his voice cracked slightly. 

 "You're taking custody, aren't you?" Ray stated calmly, knowing that it
was the only possible answer, given Ben's moral sense. 

 "Yes," Ben said simply. 

 "All right, let's figure this out. You're going to take custody of a
baby, and you're going to live in THAT apartment?" 

 "Well, I figured last night that I would have to move. There's just not
enough space." 

 "Where are you going to move to, Benny?" Ray asked. 

 "There's a house for sale down the street from St. Michael's. I saw it
last night when we drove by." 

 "Where are you going to get the money for it? I guarantee that a house
payment will be much more expensive than your rent." 

 "I have some money left from my father. I guess I've been saving it for
an emergency." Ben said. 

 "I'd say this qualifies. How soon will she be coming? Have you called
Seattle and talked to them yet?" 

 "No, not yet. I guess they'll tell me when I call, won't they?" 

 "There's no time like the present to find out," Ray said as he leaned
over to pick up the phone. "Do you have the number?" 

 Ben pulled the much-crumpled letter from his pocket, and read off the
number. Ray dialed and handed the phone to him. 

 "Children's Services, Seattle Washington. How can I help you?" A cheerful
voice asked. 

 "Yes, um, my name is Benton Fraser, and I received a letter yesterday
that says that I have a daughter in your custody?" Ben said hesitantly. 

 "Just one moment, sir, I'll transfer you to the correct department." 

 "Thank you kindly." Ben waved his hand to tell Ray that he was on hold.
Ray nodded. 

 "Melissa Patricks." 

 "Um, yes, my name is Benton Fraser, and I received a letter from your
department yesterday..." 

 "About a paternity suit?" She interrupted. 

 "Well, no, not exactly. The letter just says that I am the father of
Madison Newlyn and that her mother can't take care of her anymore." 

 "Ohh, the Newlyn case! Could you hang on a minute- I need a file." 

 "Sure." 

 "All right, Constable. First, let me explain who I am. I am the social
worker assigned to your case. That basically means that I am the person
you will be talking to about your daughter for the time being, okay?" 

 "Yes." 

 "Good. So your case is, well, different. The difficulties with your case
are that you are a Canadian and the child's mother is a US citizen. There
appears to be some confusion as to your daughter's nationality because we
don't have a birth certificate. Therefore, we don't know where your
daughter was born, or her birthdate, for that matter. I would assume the
mother knows, but I have not been permitted to speak with her." 

 "Why not?" 

 "She's been arrested on DUI charge, and apparently there are some other
charges pending." 

 "Um, yes. I was aware of that." 

 "Okay. Well, that's why I don't have much information. We know her name
because she told us, but she couldn't tell us anything else. The age is
the only information the police relayed to me from the mother." 

 "I see," Ben said. Ray raised his eyebrows. Ben waved his hand for a
piece of paper and a pen. He continued to listen to the social worker as
he wrote out the basic conversation. The conversation lasted for another
forty-five minutes. When Ben handed the phone back to Ray so he could hang
it up, he sighed. 

 "Well?" Ray asked. 

 "They would like it if I could take custody by the end of the month. And,
because I'm reasonably sure that I AM the father, I can waive the
paternity tests." 

 "Are you going to?" 

 "Um-hm," Ben nodded. "It'll make things quicker." 

 "So, Madison will be here in two weeks?" 

 "Most likely, yes. I didn't give a definite answer because I want to see
if I can get some time off work to, well, adjust for all this." 

 "Good idea. Um, Benny, I don't think you're going to be able to find a
house and all in two weeks." 

 "No, I guess not." Ben sighed as he thought about this. This was turning
out to be slightly more complicated than he had originally thought. 

 "Hang on a minute- You know, you might as well stay for dinner, now. I'll
be right back." Ben watched as Ray bounded out of the room. A few minutes
later, Ray was back. "I've just solved at least ten of your immediate
problems." 

 "How?" Ben asked warily. 

 "You can move in here until you find a house. You can stay in the spare
room, and Madison can stay in Grace's room. Maria also says she'll watch
Madison during the day, so that solves your day care problems, and we can
come up with everything else when we need to." Ray explained. 

 Ben just stared at his friend. "You approve?" 

 "Of course I do. If you need to do this, then I'm gonna be with you. I'm
not about to let you try to handle this all on your own. Besides, you've
pretty well much been adopted around here, and family's got to take care
of their own." 

 Ben blinked and smiled up at his friend. "Thank you, Ray" 

 After two weeks of hurried preparation, Ben and Ray found themselves by
an arrival gate at O'Hare. Ben was nervously playing with the paper with
all the necessary information about Madison's arrival. Finally, the
correct plane landed, and began to disembark. A tall woman carried a young
girl over to where the two men were standing. When she came within five
feet of them, she put the girl down and extended her hand. 

 "Constable Fraser, I'm Melissa Patricks. And this is Madison Newlyn." 

 Ben looked at the little girl and was barely aware of Ray's whispered "Oh
my God." The thin girl had short cropped brown hair with almost auburn
highlights. She looked up at Ben who had the feeling he was looking at a
baby photograph of himself. There was now no question in his mind that
Madison was his daughter because she looked exactly like him. He tilted
his head slightly and smiled. Madison smiled back with the same almost shy
smile. He bent down to her level and said 

 "Hello, Madison." 

 "Daddy?" her high, childlike voice piped. Ben blinked back tears as he
nodded, and reached out to hug his little girl. 

 END 

 Return to the Due South Fiction Archive </pre>