Steve Revisited   Steve Revisited 

Elaine glanced up at the clock, swore under her breath and looked away. It
didn't work. When she looked again the time was pretty much the same. The
big hand on three, the little hand just a fraction past the twelve. And it
was Friday afternoon. She glared at the inoffensive clock. Every Friday
she went through the same routine. Every time she swore it would be the
last, she was just wasting her time. Breaking her heart for nothing. Every
week she ended up doing it again.  

She muttered under her breath and turned to her computer. What she had
started three months ago, full of hope and purpose had become a chore. One
she was now convinced was pointless. But giving up on it would mean giving
up her last hope, and she simply wasn't ready to do that. Not yet. Not
while she was still breathing. She glanced across at Ray Vecchio.  

As usual he was sitting with his elbows on his desk, his head buried in
his hands. He knew what she'd be doing. She didn't like to think what it
would do to him, if she ever gave up. Well, she wasn't ready to find out
this week. With a sigh, she began to type.  *  

God, how he hated Fridays. Most people looked forward to the end of the
week, but not him. Not when he knew what Elaine did every Friday
afternoon. He could hear the quiet tapping of her keyboard. Soon the sound
would stop and he would look over at her, at she'd shake her head, her
face showing a mixture of disappointment and sympathy that was almost
unbearable. Three months and she hadn't given up hope. Sometimes he wished
she would, maybe then he'd be able to give up too. Maybe it would be
easier not to hope. Maybe it would be easier not to breathe.  

A muffled shriek from Elaine's direction made his head snap up, but she'd
already left her desk in a dash for the printer. His heart began to race,
but he didn't move. Caught between shock and a superstitious dread, he
watched Elaine snatch a single sheet of paper from the printer and hurry
over to him, waving it triumphantly. It wasn't possible. Not after three
months.  

It was possible. An eight line column in some Canadian backwoods newspaper
from a couple of months ago. Somehow it had been picked up by the Yukon
News in Whitehorse. Which was the last place Benny had been seen before he
disappeared three months ago.  *  

Dinner was silent. Ben shifted uncomfortably in his chair, then abruptly
stood and began to clear the table, deliberately ignoring the fact that
Steve was still picking at his food. He carried the plates over to the
kitchen and began stacking them ready to wash, taking no care to be quiet,
as he usually would. God knew he had no problem with silence, but
sometimes Steve's silences were surprisingly loud. And very uncomfortable.
He hated them. If he was honest with himself, he'd have to admit they
frightened him. He wished he had the courage to talk to Steve about it,
but he told himself he already knew what it was about. Which was true
enough, as far as it went.  

A hand dropped onto his shoulder, startling him.  

"Leave them. You cooked, I'll clean." Steve sounded irritated.	

"It's all right. You've been working all day, after all."  

"I said leave it!" Steve snatched the plate out of his hand.  

Ben shrugged and moved away, not willing to fight about something so
trivial.  

"Ben..." Steve came after him, touching his shoulder again. This time he
was ready for it and remained still, but he couldn't help the sudden
tension in his muscles. After a moment Steve walked past him, out of the
kitchen. He went back to washing the dishes.  

When he'd finished he went into the lounge, somewhat reluctantly. Steve
was reading a magazine, the TV turned off. It was a conciliatory gesture,
Steve knew how much Ben hated the TV. Ben sat, leafed through another
magazine. He couldn't have said what it was about. The silence was even
more oppressive than before. Finally, Ben shoved himself out of the chair
and headed for the front door.	

Steve came up beside him. "Where are you going?"  

"The bar." Ben avoided Steve's eyes.  

Silence. Steve went back to the lounge.  *  

It took all of the twenty minute walk into town for Ben to regain his
equilibrium. He walked briskly in spite of the heat, unseasonable this
early in Spring, glad of the time it would give him to shake off his bad
humour, and to argue away his feelings of guilt. Steve kept telling him he
was under no obligation, but somehow it never seemed to ring true. So,
when things got too difficult, he'd escape to the bar, even though he knew
Steve hated him going there. Maybe because he knew it. But Steve never
said a word about it.  

Entering the bar, Ben noticed the stranger immediately. He nodded briefly
to the locals, a show of respect. He knew he was only tolerated, you had
to be born in a town like this to really belong. Even Steve, who'd lived
here for ten years, wasn't regarded as a local.  

He took a seat at the bar and ordered a beer. When it came, he waited a
while. The first sip was always the best, and he wasn't much of a drinker.
Aware he was being watched, he didn't bother to look. It wouldn't be the
local people, it could only be the stranger. He took his time with the
beer, but when he'd finished it, he ordered another. As it was handed
over, the barman nodded towards the stranger, seated in a booth against
the west wall.	

"Been asking about you. American."  

Ben stifled a sigh. Someone else who'd read that newspaper story. There'd
been quite a few who'd come just to look at the latest curiosity. Some of
them had wanted to do more than just look. He took the beer to a table
where he could watch the stranger unobtrusively.  

About his own height, Ben thought, but slender. He was wearing jeans and a
khaki shirt that didn't look like they belonged on him. A city boy,
probably. Hair buzz cut to disguise the fact he was balding, and with a
face dominated by a nose of generous proportions. Ordinary enough, he
supposed, but somehow he had a feeling that this guy might be trouble.
Right now all he was doing was trying to watch without being noticed and
doing a reasonable job of it, if only Ben hadn't been so good at picking
up on these things.  

Ben had almost finished the second beer before he decided on action. He
looked directly at the stranger, who seemed to be staring into his own
drink. Ben wasn't fooled. After a moment, the other man looked up, his
eyes meeting Ben's.  

Without making a conscious decision, Ben stood and walked over to sit
opposite the stranger. The man's green eyes widened.  

"Aren't you going to introduce yourself?"  

The American blinked suddenly. "Ray Vecchio." He didn't hold out his hand.
 

"Mine's Ben. You passing through?"  

Vecchio seemed startled. "Staying a few days. You?"  

"I live here."	

"Oh. Lived here long?"	

Ben sighed impatiently. "Let's cut the crap." Vecchio blinked again. "You
saw that newspaper article, you thought I might be your long lost brother
or cousin. Or you just wanted to see the freak who lost his memory. Now
you've seen him. You can go."  

Vecchio leaned back in his chair. "Sorry pal, I don't know what the hell
you're talking about."	

Ben frowned, sure the other man was lying. It didn't make any difference
though. He was pretty sure he knew what Vecchio wanted. He might even get
it. Ben finished his beer in silence.  

"Want another one?" Vecchio was watching him carefully, as though he might
suddenly explode. Ah, what the hell. But a third beer wasn't a good idea. 


"Wouldn't you rather go somewhere more private?" His tone made it clear
enough what he meant, but the American simply stared at him blankly. Ben
shrugged. Maybe he'd been telling the truth after all. Ben shoved back his
chair.	

Vecchio stood hurriedly. "I've got a room upstairs..." His voice trailed
off as Ben shook his head.  

"Not upstairs."  

Ben turned and led the way out of the main door, around the side of the
building. There was a small alley running along the back of the bar. It
wasn't the first time Ben had taken someone there, but this time his heart
was pounding and he was very aware of the slight extra warmth at his back.
He led the way into the alley and turned. Vecchio had stopped a couple of
paces back. They stared at each other, then Vecchio stepped forward.  

At the last moment they both hesitated and Ben felt the other man's breath
warm on his cheek. He closed the tiny gap between them and took possession
of his mouth. Within moments, it was impossible to tell who was possessing
who. The American's warm tongue ravaged his mouth and left him gasping for
breath while he struggled to return the favour. When their mouths finally
parted, Vecchio was leaning against him, shaking, and Ben was gripping the
rough wall behind him with desperate fingers, just to keep himself
upright.  

The American pushed himself away, just a little, his eyes wide and fixed
on Ben's, then he placed his hands beside Ben's on the wall and leaned in
again. It was no less intense this time, the blood pulsed scalding hot
through Ben's veins, his head felt like it was spinning dizzily. He
brought up his hands to push the stranger away and instead caught two
fistfuls of his clothing and dragged him even closer. He felt a strong
slender thigh slide between his own, pressing insistently against his
balls.	

Ben changed his grip on the smaller man's clothing and began to unbutton
his shirt as fast as his shaking hands would allow him. Vecchio began to
do the same for him, while not for an instant letting go of his mouth, or
removing his thigh. It didn't take long after all, Ben pulled the khaki
shirt open, dragging it out of the jeans and pushed up the white
undershirt. He touched the heated skin beneath with some hesitation.  

Incredible sensation. It was almost as if he'd never touched anyone this
way before. Perhaps he hadn't... the other people, men or women, he'd
brought down this alley in the last three months had been content with
quick, simple sex and he hadn't wanted anything more than that, using his
hands to satisfy them, not allowing them to do more than respond in the
same fashion. None of them had had this kind of effect on him.	

They were pressed closely together now, bare chest to bare chest, their
hips grinding urgently together, hardly in control of their actions. They
couldn't do this here. Ben pushed his companion away with an effort.
Vecchio just stared at him blankly, his chest heaving.	

"Your room. Where is it?"  

The American blinked rapidly, then slowly delved in his pocket and pulled
out a key. He didn't speak.  

Ben looked at the tag. He'd worked a few days in the hotel, cleaning, when
one of the regular staff was sick. He knew where the room was and the best
way to get there. He grabbed a strong wiry arm and dragged the other man
after him.  

Luckily they didn't meet anyone on the way, since their shirts were still
hanging open, and their undershirts pulled out of their jeans. It seemed
to take an agonisingly long time for Vecchio to unlock the door and then
they tumbled into the room, their hands once more busily removing each
other's clothing.  

They ended up on the bed, shirts and undershirts left behind somewhere on
their journey from the door, no more than a few steps away, their pants
and underwear down around their knees. Ben caught a brief glimpse of a
dark cock rising eagerly above a honey coloured belly and then fell
forward onto the other man's body. Then it was all heat and thrusting and
sobbing grunts as they raced towards a furious climax.	*  

At first Ray was only aware of a warm weight pinning him to the bed, then
he remembered. Benny. Alive, well, and apparently with no memory of his
past whatsoever. Here, in his bed. His mind went into overdrive. Confused
memories of what they'd done... Ray drew in a deep breath. He couldn't
believe Benny would do something like that. Picking up a complete stranger
in a bar. He couldn't believe he'd accepted, for that matter.  

Still, for the moment all he cared about was that he'd found Benny. The
rest they'd have to deal with later. When Benny got his memory back. If he
got his memory back... the last time it had only taken a few hours. This
time, he'd been lost for three months and he obviously hadn't got it back.
What the hell were they going to do if it never happened?  

It was a while before Benny moved restlessly against him. Ray kept still,
his right arm still loosely clasped about the muscular waist and waited.
Then the other man lifted his head and Ray turned to meet familiar blue
eyes watching him warily.  

Ray swallowed, and managed a faint grin. "I guess you better call me Ray,
now."  

The blue eyes darkened and Ben shifted, pushing himself up and swinging
his legs, still tangled in his jeans, over the edge of the bed. He dropped
his head in his hands.	

"Are you OK, Benny?"  

The dark head lifted, blue eyes stared at him over a pale shoulder.
"Benny?"  

Ray swallowed and shrugged slightly.  

Ben lowered his head into his hands again. "Would you believe me if I said
I didn't usually do this?"  

"Why not? You think I do?"  

Their eyes met again and Ray sat up. His fingers stroked the broad pale
back, lingering slightly over the scar beside Ben's spine. Ben turned to
face him, breaking the contact, and they stared at each other for a long
moment. Finally it was Ray who leaned forward and initiated the kiss.  

This time, Ray fought the urge to simply roll Ben onto his back and trust
mindlessly into his groin. The feelings were no less intense, but he knew
he didn't want that again. With a little co-operation they managed to
remove what was left of their clothing. He dropped Ben's shorts over the
edge of the bed and turned back to look at him.  

His fingers wandered over the fair skin, gently investigating hardened
nipples and smooth skin. Ben caught his breath and reached up for another
long kiss. Like magnets, their bodies were drawn together again. Every few
minutes, Ray managed to pry himself away far enough to continue his
investigation briefly. He ended up lying pressed against Ben's side, his
legs wrapped around Ben's thigh, their cocks, one pale, one dark, lying
side by side on Ben's belly.  

Their eyes met again, and Ben began a slow stroking of Ray's cock, while
Ray caressed the hard pale shaft, watching as the foreskin slowly drew
back. It simply wasn't enough. Ray shifted, crouching between Ben's legs,
and took the cock into his mouth in one swift movement. Ben groaned as his
hips bucked uncontrollably and Ray shifted again to hold him down. After
that one sound, Ben moved beneath him in a hard-breathing silence until
the urge to thrust nearly overcame him again.  

Ray pulled back. This wasn't going to work, they were both too close to
losing control. His cock ached savagely. With a muffled curse he almost
threw himself over the edge of the bed, searching for his jeans. The
wallet was in the back pocket. And in the wallet... he held up a slim foil
wrapper and met Ben's eyes. They widened suddenly, a quick gasp, and then
a nod. That was all. It was all Ray needed.  

His hands were trembling as he coaxed the condom on. Luckily it was
lubricated, because there was certainly nothing in the room they could
use. With a reckless disregard that shocked him later, Ray fell forward
across Ben and guided himself to the opening of Ben's body. It took a
while before he was completely inside. Ben's eyes were staring. Scared Ray
thought, but it was hard to tell. God, he was scared enough for both of
them.  

But now the nervousness was evaporating in the heat of their desire. Ben's
body began lifting to meet his thrusts, their bodies sliding wetly against
each other. His own breathing drowning out almost all else, Ray closed his
eyes and gave himself up to it. Ben's gasping moans cut through even that
after a while and Ray felt strong legs wrap tightly around his hips. A
tight clutch at his cock sent him reeling into overload.  *  

The American was still sleeping, city boy that he was, and Ben was glad of
it. He disentangled himself from the long lean figure and left the bed. It
was almost dawn, well past the time when he should have left. It scared
him that he could react in this way to a man he'd known only a few hours.
Even now, they'd hardly spoken more than a dozen sentences to each other.
He glanced back at the bed. The stranger, Ray he reminded himself, had
bruises on him from their night together. He was in no better state.  

Slowly, quietly as possible, he began to dress. All he wanted to do now
was to get away from here. He could avoid the bar for a few nights. The
stranger would leave, and his life would become his own again. As far as
that was even possible.  

A stirring from the bed put paid to that idea. Ray was raising himself
onto his elbow. He too, looked shaken and unsure of himself. That didn't
stop him from getting off the bed and walking over to him. They didn't
kiss. They didn't even touch, but Ben could feel his breath quickening all
the same. Ray looked him in the eyes, soberly.	

"Can I see you tonight?" The voice was low, uncertain.	

Ben glanced away, but nodded briefly. So much for that plan... He had to
leave, or they'd be making love again. And since when had having sex with
a stranger changed, in his mind at least, to making love? He pulled on his
shirt hurriedly and left.  

Walking home, he cursed himself for his weakness. It would be much better
if he never saw Ray Vecchio again. But he'd given his word. And he knew,
with a sick, hot feeling in his guts, that he'd be back at the bar
tonight, no matter how much it upset Steve...  

What the hell was he going to tell Steve?  *  

In the end, he hadn't had to tell Steve anything. Even in a house the size
of Steve's, his all night absence could hardly fail to be noticed. It
wasn't as though Steve didn't know what Ben did when he went to the bar.
The whole town probably knew. But he'd never stayed the night with one of
his pick-ups.  

Steve didn't say a word to him. Not that morning. Not in the evening
either. Or when he washed the dishes and then pulled on a clean shirt and
headed for the door.  

The wolf was waiting for him on the road. It had bothered him at first,
but he'd grown accustomed to it eventually. Every few days it would turn
up to check on him and then disappear again. One of the Inuit had told him
it was his spirit guide, and that seemed as good an explanation as any.
They exchanged a long look and then it turned away and he continued his
walk into town.  

He didn't even bother going into the bar. He didn't want to see their
knowing looks anyway. And he knew that Ray would be waiting in his room.
Waiting for him.  *  

Benny was sleeping again, but Ray lay awake. It appeared that any desire
to sleep had been burned out of him. It didn't seem possible that he could
feel so much, or that making love with someone could tear him apart the
way it did when he made love with Benny. He looked across at the solid
shape sprawled in the bed beside him. He'd expected that tonight it would
have been easier, calmer. If anything the sex had been even more intense,
more... frantic than the previous night.  

He was exhausted from making love and still his body reacted at every
movement of the man beside him. A man who looked like Benny, and spoke
like Benny, but wasn't. He couldn't even imagine making love with Benny
the way he made love with this man. It shocked him, scared him half to
death, and the thought of it ending was more than he could bear.  

As the sky began to lighten outside the window, Ben woke. Sometime during
the night, he had shifted closer until he was pressed close against Ray's
side. As Ben stirred and turned, Ray summoned up a smile.  

"Morning, Benny." Without thinking, he kissed the tantalising mouth so
close to his own.  

The kiss was returned, rapidly deepening into something more. Soon their
sweating, straining bodies were locked against each other and Ben was
reaching for the pack of condoms Ray had bought the previous day. It was
already more than half empty.  *  

Steve had already left by the time Ben got home. And that was probably
just as well, because Ben felt like his whole body was just one gigantic
nerve ending. It was a relief to simply fall into a bed that was empty of
any other body and sleep. He was still sleeping when Steve returned.  

The first thing he was aware of was the covers being pulled off him. Steve
was standing by the bed looking down at him, his face a mask which didn't
quite hide his anger, or the desire beneath.  

"Look at yourself. Look at what he's done to you, Ben. How can you let
him?"  

He didn't need to look. "It's not his fault, Steve. I do the same to him."
 

Steve tossed the covers back across him and walked out of the room.  *	

It was late, much later than the night before, when Ray heard the soft
tapping on his door. His heart in his mouth, Ray called out permission to
enter. It was Ben.  

Ray was out of the armchair and across the room before he had time to take
in the expression on the other man's face. It was Ben's hands that stopped
him, a few inches from his goal.  

"No, Ray. That's not why I'm here." Ben's voice was rough.  

Ray forgot to breathe as the world seemed to crumble around him. "What do
you mean, Benny?"  

"I've come to tell you it's over. I can't do this any more." Ben's eyes
dropped suddenly, but not before Ray saw the lost look in them.  

He managed to keep his voice calm with an effort. "Why?"  

"I talked to Steve tonight..." Ben threw him a quick look. He'd mentioned
Steve once, during one of the few, brief, conversations they'd had. "Well,
we had an argument, actually... I owe him so much. Everything I have, he's
given me. Even my name. And I can't get enough work to live on, not around
here..."  

Ray held his temper in with an effort. "And now he wants payment?"  

"It's not like that!" But Ben's voice was defensive.  

"Benny..."  

"Don't call me that!" Ben stopped, breathing hard. "I don't know who this
Benny of yours is... or who you think I am, but I'm not Benny."  

Ray stared at him, shocked into sense at last. "No. I'm sorry. Can we just
talk about it?" He went back to the armchair and sat down.  

Some of the tension left Ben's body. He went over to the window and
perched on the sill. "He asked me what a stranger could give me that he
couldn't. I didn't have any answer for him, Ray."  

"You don't want to. Isn't that enough of an answer?"  

Ben sighed. "It's not that easy. Steve accused me of being a coward. He
thinks the reason I won't sleep with him is that I'm afraid of what would
happen if it didn't work out. He might be right."  

Ray was silent. Now that he'd finally started thinking instead of
reacting, all sorts of questions were occurring to him. Most of all, how
it was that Steve had known, or guessed, Benny's name. And although he
hated the idea of Benny sleeping with Steve, he knew he couldn't even try
to talk him out of it. To Benny, he was no more than a stranger, not to be
trusted or confided in. The most he could hope to do was to leave the door
open for Benny to come back. And investigate the man who had such a hold
over his friend.  

"Well, good luck, Benny... Ben. I'll be around for a few more days. If you
need any help, just come over, OK?"  

Ben looked at him silently for a moment, and it took all his self control
not to respond to the lost, almost frightened look in his eyes. "Thank
you, Ray."  

The hell with self control. Ray stood and went over to hug him. "I know
you don't really know me... but I am a friend. Don't forget that."  *  

Walking back to what had been his home for the last three months, Ben
finally acknowledged that he'd almost been hoping that Ray would try to
talk him out of this. Now he'd committed himself and he'd have to go
through with it... and he was beginning to think that Steve had been
absolutely right about his fears. If this didn't work out, he'd be
completely alone.  

The lights were still on inside Steve's house. Ben stood on the road for a
few minutes, steeling himself to go in.  

"Ben. How did it go?"  

Steve was openly relieved that he'd come back. He came over and put a hand
on Ben's shoulder, standing too close.	

"It was all right. Ray understood, I think. After all, he's only here for
a few days." Ben couldn't quite meet Steve's eyes. He hesitated a moment
and then turned his head slightly to brush Steve's lips with his own.  

The eagerness of Steve's response bothered him a little. He drew back. But
there was no point in putting this off. He'd allowed complete strangers to
paw him in a back alley. He'd allowed Ray, another stranger, to make love
to him again and again for the last two nights, so why was it so difficult
to make love to the man who had saved his life and cared for him and
become his friend?  

He moved forward, putting his arms around Steve's shoulders and opening
his mouth to him. It was strange to kiss Steve. After the last two days
and nights of being with Ray, he'd become accustomed to Ray's scent and
taste, Ray's slender frame. Steve was a much larger man, closer to his own
size and weight. Steve's hands came up between them and began to unbutton
his shirt.  

Ben freed his mouth with some difficulty. "Perhaps we should go to your
room, Steve."  

"I thought you'd never ask." Steve smiled at him.  *  

It hadn't taken Ray long to find out Steve's surname, or the fact that
he'd come here from Alaska ten years before, bought himself a house and
started a tourist business running wilderness treks. He had a finger in a
few other pies too, but nothing that Ray could see was suspicious. Of
course the locals probably wouldn't tell a visitor things like that. A few
quick phone calls to Chicago ought to fill in any gaps. It wasn't until
later that evening that he remembered the time they'd been lost in the
Canadian wilderness and Ben had called him Steve.  

Dammit, he should have done this two days ago.	*  

Ben watched as Steve finished the last of his dinner. He'd made a special
effort to cook something Steve liked, and obviously it had been
appreciated. He took the plates through to the kitchen and began to stack
them. He should have known that Steve would follow him in there too. Arms
slid around him from behind and lips brushed across the back of his neck. 


"Thanks Ben. It was delicious." A hand began to unfasten his shirt buttons
and then moved inside, toying with his nipple.	

Ben relaxed back against the solid body. "I've made dessert..."  

Steve's laughter shook him. "Oh, Ben. You're the only dessert I want. Come
to bed."  

Hips pushed forward against his buttocks, emphasising Steve's erection and
he sighed. With a quick twist, Ben turned in Steve's arms and kissed his
lips, wanting only to lose himself in it. Hands stroked his back, his
buttocks, pulling him closer. For moment he thought Steve was going to
pull him down to the floor and make love to him there.	

"I thought you wanted to go to bed."  

Steve grinned, unfastening his shirt some more. "Bed. Floor. Kitchen
counter... I don't mind."  

"Bed." Firmly.	

By the time they got there most of his clothes, and Steve's, had been
removed. Hot, possessive hands roamed over his body teasing, stroking,
arousing. Steve's tongue invaded his mouth and Steve's body covered him.
He writhed beneath the unaccustomed weight, pushing up against the burning
brand of Steve's erection. Pushing... pushing... and then struggling,
almost panic stricken, against the claustrophobic sensation of being
enveloped in Steve's embrace.  

Steve wasn't letting go. Wouldn't back off, this time. Finally he won free
and sat up, gasping for breath.  

"Dammit, Ben! You'll put out like any whore for a stranger. What's wrong
with me?"  

The words stung, and he couldn't meet Steve's eyes. "Nothing. There's
nothing wrong with you, Steve. It's me."  

"Why? Why Ben?" Steve's voice was back to normal, except for the hurt in
it.  

Ben shook his head. "I don't know. I can't do this, Steve."  

"Ben." Steve's voice softened still further. "It's only been a couple of
days. Give it some time. You're still all worked up over that guy. It'll
be OK."  

He didn't resist when Steve drew him gently down and just held him. He
didn't sleep either.  *  

There was a tap on the door, but Ray didn't imagine for a moment that it
was the one he was hoping for. And it wasn't.  

"Ray, what are you doing up here? Go down to the bar. First drink's on the
house."  

He smiled politely but unenthusiastically at the landlady. "Thanks,
Sharon. I think I'll pass."  

"Oh, come on. You've been hiding up here for the last two evenings."
Sharon looked at him speculatively. "I think you should come down. The
company's good."  

Something about her tone caught his attention. "What are you talking
about?"  

"Can't you just take a hint?" She grinned at him. "There's a beautiful
young man down in the bar looking very unhappy."  

He was already halfway out the door.  

Ben was sitting at the bar nursing a beer. He didn't move when Ray sat
down beside him. Ray ordered a beer, and waited for the barman to move
away.  

"Does everyone know about us?"	

Ben shrugged slightly. "Probably."  

When Ben didn't say anything else, Ray fell into silence. His beer arrived
and he took a sip. Ben still hadn't touched his.  

"You wanna talk? We could go to a booth."  

Ben laughed, a brief, unhappy sound. "Don't be shy, Ray. Why don't you
just invite me upstairs?"  

"If that's what you want." Ray stood. "Are you coming?"  

Ben stood too, and pushed past him to lead the way out of the bar. Ray
followed him up the stairs to his room and unlocked the door. Once inside
Ben went straight over to the window and stood with his back to the room.
It eventually became clear that he wasn't going to say anything.  

"What happened, Benny? You wanna tell me about it?"  

"Not really."  

Ray suppressed a curse. This was Benny at his most uncommunicative. That,
at least, hadn't changed. He went over and put his hand on the broad
shoulder and pulled Ben gently round to face him. There was a bruise
covering most of his right cheek.  

Rage flooded him. "What the hell! Did Steve do that? I'll kill the
bastard."  

"No! Ray, it was an accident. Stop it."  

Ray realised belatedly that his fingers were digging into Ben's shoulder.
He dragged his friend into his arms. "Shit, Benny. What happened?"  

Ben stood stiffly tolerating his embrace. "We had a fight. An argument.
Things got a little rough and I fell. That's all. It was an accident."	

"Like hell it was. Are you OK?"  

Ben pulled away. "I'm fine." But his hand went up to touch his cheek
gingerly.  

Ray looked at him critically. "I'll get you some ice. Sit down."  

All the while he was getting the ice, and wrapping it in a cloth, Ray's
mind was going over the possibilities. He still hadn't heard anything
definite from Chicago and was now having to face the likelihood that he
wouldn't get anything useful. Whatever had happened between Ben and Steve,
this might be his best chance to get through to Ben.  

He carried the pack back to where Ben was sitting, in the armchair by the
window and handed it to him.  

"Tell me what happened." He made it as firm an order as he dared, and Ben
responded, much to his relief.	

"I tried, Ray. I really tried, but I couldn't do it." Ben held the ice
pack to his cheek and let out a little sigh of relief.	

"Couldn't do what?"  

Miserable blue eyes met his own. "Make love with Steve. It felt... wrong.
I tried to get past it, but I couldn't. Steve... Steve tried to
understand, but how could I explain it when I didn't understand it
myself?"  

"Is that why he hit you?"  

"He didn't hit me! It was an accident. He was trying to... He was trying
to make love to me, and I couldn't. I started to struggle. That's when I
fell."	

Ray knelt in front of the armchair and caught hold of Ben's free hand.
"Did he try to rape you Benny?"  

"No." A stubborn look.	

"You're sure about that?" Ray searched Ben's face looking for any kind of
sign.  

"No. He would have stopped. He always stopped when I said to. He... we
argued, but he didn't try anything like that."	

Ray had the feeling that there was a lot that Ben wasn't saying, but it
wouldn't do any good to try to force it out of him. Besides, Ben's pain,
emotional more than physical, made him want to offer comfort, not start an
interrogation.	

He reached up and touched Ben's unmarked cheek. "Listen. You can stay here
tonight. We don't have to do anything. And if you want to, you could come
back to Chicago with me. Maybe we can find a doctor who can help you get
your memory back. You'd have a better chance of getting work too."  

Ben stared at him. "I don't have any papers, or a passport, Ray."  

"Well, I can think of something. Just think about it, OK? I've got a few
days before I have to leave."  

There was something in Ben's look that disturbed him, but he couldn't
figure out what it was. But he looked so lost and hurt, that Ray couldn't
resist leaning up to kiss him gently on the lips. And Ben, it seemed,
couldn't help responding.  

It was so easy, this melting into each other's arms, this hot, sweet
loving. Incredible, especially when he thought about all the things that
should have made it impossible, but somehow just made it all the more
necessary.  

Ray drew Ben over to the bed and laid him on it, tenderly removing his
clothes. His mouth travelled effortlessly over the solid, pale body,
suckling at taut nipples, his tongue slithering over the smooth skin,
drawing sighs and moans of pleasure from his bedmate. Just the touch of
his fingers sent shudders through Ben and his hips began to move in an
instinctive rhythm before Ray had even come close to the thick, quivering
cock.  

With an effort, Ray eased back, watching the tense body, the closed-in
face. He began simply to stroke the rising shaft, carefully not pressing
too firmly and Ben's eyes opened, meeting his own as the orgasm, unable to
be delayed any longer, took him.  

The blue eyes closed again, after a moment. The kiss-swollen lips moved
softly, framing his name.  

Ray eased down beside him. Ben had already fallen asleep. With an
exasperated sigh and a reluctant smile, Ray kissed his lips one more time
and began the swift strokes that would take care of his own arousal with
the minimum of fuss.  *  

The light seeped in through his closed eyelids, refusing to leave him in
peace no matter how exhausted he felt. Ben finally gave in and opened his
eyes. The events of the last few days had left him shaken and confused,
and never more so than now, when for long seconds he had no idea where he
was. The sight of Ray's slender body, face down beside him, gave him a
much needed anchor to reality.	

Of course. He remembered now. Especially that last, soul searing argument
with Steve. There was no going back there. Somehow he would have to find
his own way. Not for a moment would he consider Ray's offer seriously. He
shivered slightly.  

He needed sleep, but it didn't look like he was going to get it. There
hadn't been much sleep at all over the last few nights. And especially
last night, in spite of what Ray had said. How could it be so easy to make
love with Ray and so impossible with Steve?  

That was the last thing he wanted to think about, so he transferred his
attention to the body lying next to him. Long and slender and elegant, it
was. A smooth olive where he'd tanned, and honey coloured across the
buttocks. Ben's fingers itched to touch them and he cupped his palm above
the smooth curve of one well shaped cheek and let it move slowly over the
skin. A brief stirring and a sigh were the only response.  

Oh, he could do this forever. He could lose himself in this man and not
care at all that he was lost. It terrified him, during his saner moments.
His fingers slipped between the slightly parted thighs and slid upwards,
delicately parting the buttocks, seeking the safe haven of Ray's body. A
soft moan, still half asleep, and a slight lifting of the narrow hips
encouraged his explorations.  

An insistent throb from his groin was warning enough that he couldn't last
long in this state. He reached for the pack of condoms on the bedside
table. It was empty. He swore miserably, under his breath. He really
wanted this, but without protection, it was simply impossible. He didn't
even know if he was safe, let alone Ray. Then he remembered Ray pulling a
foil wrapped condom out of his wallet that first night. Perhaps he'd
replaced it.  

Ray's trousers were on the floor beside the bed. He leaned over and found
the wallet, flipped it open, one-handed, and then dropped it. A scattering
of possessions spread across the floor... some credit card slips, a couple
of business cards, a photo, and a police identification badge.	*  

The dream that had been so pleasant was fading and Ray chased it, but to
no avail. He opened his eyes reluctantly, and then became aware that he
was alone in the bed. Benny! He almost panicked, but a quick turn of his
head showed him standing by the window, wearing only his jeans. His arms
were wrapped tightly around his chest in a very familiar posture. He was
looking out the window.  

For a moment he thought he had the old Benny back, but when Ray slid out
of the bed and padded over to him, the face that turned towards him was a
stranger's. It didn't even belong to the man he'd come to know over the
last few days.	

"What do you want with me?" Ben's voice was low and hurting. And
frightened, Ray thought.  

Careful, Vecchio, be careful. Keep your voice quiet and calm and don't,
for God's sake, frighten him away. "Benny, I just want to help you."  

"Stop it! Stop calling me that!" Ben stopped, breathing fast. "Why didn't
you tell me you're a cop?"  

Ray shrugged, trying to look casual. "Does it matter? I'm not a cop here."
 

"No." There was a bitter twist to Ben's mouth. "Was that why you did...
all this?" A gesture indicated the bed. "To get me back to Chicago? Was
that your plan all along?"  

"Ben... I don't know what you're talking about. Why don't you tell me
what's wrong?"	

"What's wrong? Why don't you tell me, Ray? What have I done? Not murder, I
guess, or you'd have an extradition warrant. Don't tell me you didn't come
after me. I saw my photo in your wallet."  

The realisation of what Ben was talking about struck Ray like a blow. "You
haven't done anything wrong, Benny. What the hell made you think that?
You're a cop too, dammit. You're a member of the RCMP. Constable Benton
Fraser. That's your name." And when Ben just stared at him disbelievingly.
"I carry the photo because for the last six months before you disappeared
we'd been lovers."  

It was hard to watch the uncertainty in Ben's face. Ray longed to throw
his arms around his lover and hold him, comfort him. He didn't dare.  

Ben seemed to have drawn into himself. His eyes were unseeing.	

"Why did you think I was after you, Benny?" Ray kept his voice soft.  

Ben blinked. "Steve... Steve said he thought I might have done something.
When he found me hurt, I said some things that made him think I might be
on the run. He warned me against coming here, he thought you were
suspicious of me."  

"And when did he tell you all this?" Ray's voice turned grim.  

"Last night. Before I left." Just a whisper. Ray didn't need to say
anything. After a moment Ben's eyes lifted to his. Pleading. "How can I be
sure, Ray?"  

"Listen. It's too early yet, but in about an hour we can call Chicago. You
work in the Canadian Consulate there, you could talk to your boss. Her
name's Meg Thatcher." He stepped forward at last and put his arms around
Ben.  

Ray wasn't sure whether Ben would accept the embrace, but he did. Ray's
arms tightened and they stood while Ben shook with reaction. He wanted to
take Benny back to the bed and make love to him, to drive away the demons
and the fear. But somehow Ray didn't think that Benny would let him.
Instead, he let his hands rove over the broad back, gentling his lover
until he relaxed a little and shifted slightly to return the embrace.  

"Benny... Love, can you trust me for just one more hour? Please?" His
voice was shaking a little and Ray began to wonder whether he needed the
reassurance as much or more than Benny. He continued the slow massage
until Ben sighed and buried his face against Ray's throat. Without even
thinking about it, Ray turned his head slightly and kissed the smooth pale
temple and stroked the dark hair with gentle fingers.  

Ben moaned slightly, his lips brushing against Ray's skin and sending hot
darts of pleasure through the other man. Ray wanted so badly to make love
to him. Really make love, not the wild and often desperate coupling they'd
shared since he'd found Ben again. He took Ben's bruised face between his
hands and brushed his lips against Ben's.  

"Let me make love to you, Benny. Please? Will you let me do that?"  

Ben's eyes searched his and widened suddenly, the pupils dilating. He
nodded silently. Ray leaned in for a kiss, slow and deep. After a moment
Ben shuddered and opened to him, not just physically, but emotionally too.
Ray could feel it in every fibre of his being.	

Five minutes later they were still just kissing. Ray felt raw from it,
from the openness and vulnerability that had never come naturally to him.
Their mutual need was almost painful in its intensity. When it became too
much to bear, Ray drew back a little. Ben wouldn't, perhaps couldn't, meet
his eyes. He leaned in again, but this time to kiss the fragile arch of
Ben's clavicle. A shudder ran through the sturdy body and Ray brought his
hands up between their bodies and began to stroke the smooth chest.  

Ben just stood there and let Ray touch him. Between them Ray's cock
twitched and swayed, painfully aroused, but Ray simply wasn't ready, yet,
to take the next step. Besides, it was good just to touch Benny, to feel
his responsiveness to every butterfly caress. As his hands moved gradually
lower, Ray sank to his knees in front of his lover. Ben moaned, his eyes
widening as Ray looked up at him for a moment, and swallowed.  

"Yes. Do it, Ray. Please." Ben's voice was hoarse with longing.  

Ray dropped his eyes to the waistband of Ben's jeans. He could already see
how aroused Ben was... he slipped the stud free and slowly slid the zipper
downwards.  

It hadn't occurred to Ray that Ben wouldn't be wearing anything under the
jeans. His breath caught at the sight of the pale belly and the few curls
of dark pubic hair showing in the open V of the jeans. Ray slid them down
a little and the thick pale cock tumbled free, almost touching his lips.
He breathed softly on the flushed cockhead, just peeking out from beneath
the shrouding foreskin. A tiny, clear droplet trembled in the pouting
slit. With a helpless moan, Ray laved it away and slid the tip of his
tongue between the foreskin and cockhead.  

Ben's body arched towards him and a sobbing moan burst from him, but Ray
held his hips firmly, not allowing him to thrust while he explored the
sensitive flesh. He squeezed gently with his fingertips just below the tip
of Ben's cock to help control the urge to climax, and with a sigh, Ben
relaxed a little. His hands began to move over Ray's shorn head,
caressing, and guiding his movements.  

But when Ray took the whole of his cock in to his mouth, Ben moved away.  

"It's not safe, Ray."  

Ray looked up at him, smiling slightly. "Yes it is. Unless you've done
something in the last three months that you shouldn't?"  

Ben shook his head dumbly, and Ray smiled again and ran his tongue slowly
around the now almost completely exposed cockhead. When Ben shuddered, he
grinned and began to use all the sexiest tricks he'd learnt about loving a
man with a whole cock, nibbling gently at the sensitive folds of the drawn
back foreskin and tugging at it with his lips. Ben's hands moved to his
shoulders, holding tightly, as his whole body began to shake.  

A moment later, Ben's knees began to buckle and Ray guided him down,
gathering him into his arms and holding him there. Ben's face turned up to
his, blindly seeking his mouth and Ray gave himself up to the kiss
completely. When he was aware again, they were both lying on the floor,
legs entangled, hips moving with slow exquisite thrusts against each other
and he was murmuring endearments into Ben's ear.  

They didn't need anything more than that. Ray caressed the beautiful pale
body pressed against his and Ben responded with helpless moans of
pleasure. And quite suddenly, it was over, the hot flow of their mutual
orgasm searing their skins, then cooling in the aftermath to seal their
bodies together.  *  

It was quite a lot more than an hour later that Ben finally made the call
to the Chicago Consulate. Ray had insisted that he get the phone number
from the local operator and make the call himself. Once he'd spoken
briefly to the bewildered woman at the other end, Ray had taken over and
explained everything to her, then passed the phone back to him.  

He listened to the precise voice telling him what had been planned and
agreed to everything she said. It was a relief to sink back down into
Ray's arms and lie in the already familiar embrace, the only thing in his
world that hadn't completely changed in the last twenty four hours. Ray
made love to him again, with the same heart-stopping tenderness he'd shown
earlier and Ben surrendered to it completely. He still didn't remember
anything of the life Ray was telling him about, but he desperately wanted
to. Something told him that this love Ray said they shared was as rare to
his other self as it was in the only life he really knew.  *  

Ben was sleeping again in his arms, and nothing on earth would make Ray
move away from him. Still, he needed to make just one more call. He
reached for his cell phone and used the speed dial. At last, Elaine had
the information he needed. Steve Bourne, aged forty two, ex-Alaskan State
Trooper. He'd retired from the force ten years ago and moved across the
border to start up a small tourist business. No criminal convictions.  

"That's great, Elaine. Can you call the Consulate and find out if he had
any known contact with Benny? Maybe they met somewhere."  

"Sure. I'll get right onto it. How is Fraser?"	

"He's OK. He's sleeping right now. Hasn't got his memory back yet, but I'm
working on it." If only she knew exactly how he was working on it...  *  

The journey out to Steve's house took only minutes in the four wheel drive
that Ray had hired in Whitehorse. Ben stared out the window and let Ray
talk about the car he'd left behind in Chicago. He'd never heard of a
Buick Riviera, but even if he had, he doubted he'd be able to understand
Ray's enthusiasm for the car. A car was simply a convenient way of
travelling from one place to another.  

They stopped at the end of the driveway and walked towards the house, Ray
with a slightly aggressive swagger. He'd been like that since he'd
received a call on his cell phone, but had refused to tell Ben what it was
about. Ben realised suddenly that Ray had stopped and turned back. He was
staring towards the line of trees, and Ben saw that the wolf had appeared
again.	

Ray caught at his arm excitedly. "Benny, is that Dief? When you didn't say
anything I thought..." His voice trailed away at Ben's look of
incomprehension. "Dief. He's your wolf. He was with you when you
disappeared."  

Ben simply shook his head, too stunned to speak. Ray turned back to face
the distant white shape.  

"Dief! Come here, boy! Dief!"  

The wolf trotted forward and then, as Ray continued to call, broke into a
run. Soon, it was only a few metres away and paused warily. Ray started
forward and Ben grabbed him.  

"Don't. It might attack if you startle it."  

Ray's surprised face turned to him. "Are you kidding? Dief won't attack
me."  

The wolf started forward again and Ray bent down to greet it. Ben watched
in astonishment as it began to lick Ray's hands and accept his petting.
Incredible as it seemed, Ray was right. The wolf appeared to know him. He
moved forward slightly, extending a cautious hand and the wolf paused to
sniff it then look up at him with knowledgeable eyes.  

"Hello, Dief." Ben stroked the slightly harsh coat. How could he have a
wolf and not even remember it? Yet the wolf had been haunting him for the
last three months. It had to be true. And Ray had not only recognised it,
the wolf had accepted Ray as a friend. It wasn't absolute proof, but so
far, everything Ray had told him rang true.  

It only made him more reluctant to face Steve. The man had saved his life.
At least that's what Steve had told him, and he could remember well enough
those first few days when he'd been sick and disoriented. Steve had nursed
him, paid for doctors visits and had kept him ever since. He owed Steve a
lot, and the thought that Steve had deliberately misled him wasn't one he
wanted to entertain. Ray glanced at him.  

"Come on, we better get this over with." The fight seemed to have gone out
of Ray, now.  

They continued the walk up the pathway, leaving Dief waiting behind them.
Ben heard Ray take a deep breath and lifted his hand to knock at the door.
It seemed strange to do this, after three months of living here, but he no
longer felt that this house was his home. After a slight pause he heard
Steve's footsteps inside. The door opened and Steve stood there. He didn't
look surprised to see them.  

"So that's him." He was speaking to Ben.  

"Yes, this is Ray. Ray, this is Steve Bourne." Both men ignored him as
they tried to out-stare each other.  

Then Ray pushed past him. "Mind if we come in? We're here to pick up
Benny's things."  

"Benny?" Steve's voice was contemptuous. Ben avoided his eyes, not wanting
him to see that the nickname embarrassed him a little, even though he
treasured it too, as a symbol of the life he'd forgotten. The life he'd
had with this strange, but compelling, man.  

Ray simply ignored the jibe, pushing past Steve too, and into the house.
Ben followed him in silence.  

"I won't be long. Ray..." Ben hesitated. Both men were in an aggressive
mood and he didn't want any trouble.  

"I'll just wait here, Benny." Ray was still eyeing Steve.  

It didn't take him long to pack. He'd only allowed Steve to buy him the
absolute necessities. They all fitted into a small backpack he'd bought
with the proceeds of the first job he'd managed to get. Even so, by the
time he'd finished, Ben could hear the argument, though not the words
themselves from the lounge. He hurried back in time to hear Ray's raised
voice.	

"I'm not the one who scared the hell out of him with those lies about
being on the run. I oughta report you for that. It's practically
kidnapping. And how do I know you didn't do this to him in the first
place?"  

Ben burst into the room half expecting to find them at each other's
throats. He wasn't far wrong. Ray and Steve were glaring at each other
angrily.  

"Ray! Stop it! Steve..." Ben swallowed with difficulty. He didn't want to
think that Steve had deliberately misled him. "Steve might have really
thought..." His voice trailed off, not really believing it himself and not
wanting to admit it.  

Ray came over and put a gentle hand on his shoulder, his face changing to
concern immediately. "Benny. He knows exactly who you are. He was an
Alaskan State Trooper. He did joint exercises with your division when you
were stationed near Whitehorse."  

"Is that true?" Ben directed the question to Steve.  

Steve nodded and looked away.  

"Benny." Ray's arms came around him, and Ben realised he was shaking and
dizzy. Sick at the thought of Steve's betrayal, he leaned against Ray's
wiry strength.	

He managed to look over to where Steve was standing. "Why? Steve, why
would you do such a thing? Weren't you my friend?"  

Steve laughed ironically. "Christ, Ben. We were lovers. For a while, at
least."  

Strangely, that made more sense to him than anything that had happened to
him in the last few days, but he felt Ray tense slightly.  

"What happened?" Ray's voice, strained, the anger subdued now, but still
there.	

"Oh, come on Detective. You are Ben's detective buddy aren't you? You
remember what it was like for gays in the police force twelve years ago. I
didn't want to risk my job, so I ended it. Stupidest damn thing I ever
did."  

Ray's arms dropped from around him, though a hand brushed his lightly and
didn't move away. Ben could see that Ray was totally calm now, and focused
more on Steve than on him. And it seemed like Steve wanted to tell it all
now, he moved to the couch and sat, running a hand through his hair.  

"When we first met, he was so different. So young. Can you imagine how he
looked at twenty four? God, he was beautiful then. I fell for him the
moment I first saw him."  

Ray laughed, not unkindly, and the two men shared an understanding look.
It was strange to watch and listen as they discussed him, a stranger to
his own life.  

Steve grinned slightly. "You too, huh?"  

Ray simply shrugged.  

"Yeah, well... It didn't last long, like I said. About a year after that I
got shot up pretty bad and when I could walk again, I decided to take an
invalid's pension. First thing I did was come looking for Ben."  

Ben was speechless. It was Ray who asked the question.	

"What happened?"  

Steve swore under his breath and looked up, his face bitter. "Victoria
happened."  

Beside him, Ray stiffened. Ben wondered who this Victoria was, to provoke
such hostile reactions from two men who had nothing in common except
himself. But now wasn't the time to ask.  

"I've met Victoria." Ray's voice was almost unrecognisable.  

"Yeah, I heard. Ben was never the same after that bitch was finished with
him. He wasn't interested in me anymore. I moved over here anyway. I
thought he'd get over her."  

"Yeah, I saw how he got over her." Ray glanced at him and Ben was stunned
at the mixture of emotions in his face. Then Ray turned back to Steve and
his voice was almost sympathetic.  

"So what happened three months ago?"  

Steve shrugged. "I heard about Victoria going after him last year, heard
about him being shot. I figured that ought to have put an end to the
affair. I thought even Ben would have a hard time finding an excuse for
her shooting him. "  

Again Ray stiffened. "Victoria didn't shoot him. I did."  

"You shot me?" The words were startled out of Ben.  

Ray turned his head to look at him and smile wryly. "I'll explain it
later. Believe me, I did you a big favour."  

"I hope so." Ben decided it was time he took an active part in the
conversation. "Why did I come here, Steve?"  

"I called you in Chicago. Said I wanted to try again, but you... well, you
didn't seem very interested. I talked you into coming for a visit anyway."
He frowned slightly and looked at Ray. "I didn't know about the two of
you. I wouldn't have done this if I had, I swear."  

Ben believed him. He looked at Ray and thought Ray believed him too.  

"How did this happen?" Ben gestured at his head.  

"Pretty much the way I told you, except that you were driving a rental
car." Steve looked at Ray. "He was about five miles away, coming from
Whitehorse, a tree had come down across the hood of his car. There was a
bad storm. I told Ben later he was on foot.  

"At first all I cared about was getting him back to the house. He looked
pretty bad. When he woke and couldn't remember who he was... it gave me a
chance and I took it. I guess I already knew from the phone call that he
wasn't going to want to get together with me. The car was a write off. I
towed it to where nobody would find it. I figured the rental company would
get their insurance either way." Steve stared defiantly at the two of
them.  

Strangely enough, it was Ben who became angry. Ray simply nodded.  

"You lied to me!" The words came out louder than he'd intended and Steve's
face went blank. "Our whole relationship was based on a lie. How could you
have ever hoped to make it work?"  

"Ben..." Steve stopped and shook his head helplessly.  

Ray grasped his hand suddenly. "Benny, if you could remember what happened
between you and Victoria, you might understand. What Steve did wasn't half
as bad as the things she did to you."  

It silenced him and he looked from Ray to Steve and back again, seeing a
shared understanding that he couldn't be a part of. Finally, Steve sighed.
 

"So, what now?"  

That, at least, Ben could answer. "I've spoken with my... my superior
officer, in Chicago. She's arranged for me to be examined in Ottawa by
RCMP doctors. Ray will take me there." He hesitated. "Steve, why didn't
you tell me about Dief?"  

"Who?" Steve looked genuinely puzzled.	

"My wolf. Ray says his name is Dief. Did you drive him off? Why?"  

"That wolf that's been hanging around? I had no idea he was yours Ben. He
wasn't with you when I found you."  

And that was it. Ben couldn't think of a thing to say, and both Ray and
Steve seemed to have come to some kind of peace with each other. He felt
too uncomfortable to want to prolong this interview unnecessarily. Minutes
later he was walking back to the car with Ray beside him. Walking away
from all that he knew.	

It terrified him if he thought too much about it. They got into the car
and Dief jumped into the back seat as if he was used to travelling like
this. Ray glanced across at him.  

"You OK, Benny?"  

Ben smiled at the other man's worried look. "I'm fine, Ray."  

Ray leaned across and kissed him. "It'll be all right, Benny. Those
doctors will help you get your memory back. And you've got me and Dief to
look after you."  

In spite of his fear, Ben laughed. "Let's go."	*  

Ray fidgeted. He paced up and down for a few minutes, but couldn't even
concentrate on that. He fidgeted again. The damn plane had been delayed
nearly an hour. Not that that was anything unusual at O'Hare, but it had
landed more than fifteen minutes ago, and still no sign of Benny. It
wasn't as if he'd have a lot of luggage to carry, knowing him, so what was
taking him so long?  

Behind him, Ray could hear the murmur of familiar voices. He scowled. He'd
intended to be the only one here to meet Benny. Well, him and Dief,
anyway. That plan had crashed and burned when it was Frannie who'd
answered the phone and heard Benny's voice. Next thing he knew, his
family.... hell, the whole Precinct knew the date and time of Benny's
arrival. At least the Dragon Lady hadn't turned up. Then he heard the
bustle of a new arrival behind him, and an all too familiar voice
exchanging stilted greetings. Ray groaned.  

He risked a look. At least she hadn't brought Turnbull, that would have
been too much. Lt Welsh had managed to separate Inspector Thatcher from
the rest of the Vecchio family, much to Ray's relief. Elaine and Frannie
were chatting off to one side and Ma had cornered Jack and was no doubt
grilling him about his love life and checking that he was eating properly.
She'd probably invite him home to dinner, Ray thought gloomily. Maria was
trying to keep the kids in check, not very successfully, and it looked
like Tony was sampling the magazine rack at the nearby bookstore. A pretty
typical Vecchio family outing.	

Things were happening over at the arrivals gate. A few people straggled
out, looking pleased at being the first to make it through. Ray caught
sight of a tall, heart-stoppingly beautiful figure in jeans and a light
blue shirt. It was three weeks, five days since he'd last seen Benny, and
it had taken all his self control to walk away and leave him alone in that
Ottawa hospital. Heart pounding, he took a step towards his lover and
stopped. Thanks to Frannie, he wasn't even entirely sure that Benny had
got his memory back. What if he'd got it back, but he'd changed? What if
Benny didn't want him as a lover anymore?  

With an effort, Ray made himself walk towards the man. A quick smile
flashed across the pale, handsome features and Ray began to walk faster.
Suddenly they were no more that a foot away from each other. Ben lowered
the small backpack from his shoulder to the floor.  

"Ray." He smiled again. The smile of a lover  

Ray closed his eyes in relief for a moment. When they opened again Ben was
looking at him quizzically.  

"Oh, Benny. It's so good to have you back again." Without thinking he
leaned forward and they were kissing, a brief, hard, hungry kiss.  

Behind them, Ray could hear gasps and a shocked rustling of voices. Hell
of a way to come out to your family and co-workers, but somehow he
couldn't find it in his heart to worry about it. Not when he had Benny
back at last.  

His eyes met Benny's blue-grey stare and a small smile flickered between
them.  

"Later."  

Accepting the promise implied in that one word, Ray took his lover's hand
and led him over to his family and friends.