Therein Hangs A Tale	 Disclaimer: Written for entertainment purposes
only. Characters belong to Alliance, etc. No harm or infringement
intended. Please do not publish or archive without my permission. 

And there is a tale behind this. . . . My dad just bought my mother the
new CD released in honor of what would have been Jim Croce's fiftieth
birthday. Knowing how much I've always loved Jim Croce, he passed their
copy of Photographs and Memories to me. I've always loved "Operator," and
as I was listening to it, it suddenly hit me there could be another story
behind those lines "She's living in LA / With my best old ex-friend Ray." 

Don't hit me, Cecilia! 

 Therein Hangs a Tale 

Yes. I would like the number for a Raymond Vecchio. 

V-E-C-C-H-I-O. 

I'm not certain, ma'am. Somewhere in Los Angeles. 

No, ma'am. Well, actually, yes, ma'am, but I was unable to obtain the
number from the automated system. 

No, ma'am. I do not know in which area of Los Angeles he lives. 

Actually, I could likely discover where he lives as I am a policeman, but
since I wish to know for personal reasons, I felt it was an unwarranted
use of authority to use an official database to discover his address. 

Well, ma'am, at one time he was my best friend. 

How long ago? Oh. . . . about ten years ago. We . . . lost touch. He went
undercover, and I eventually returned to Canada before his assignment was
over. 

Oh. I beg your pardon, ma'am. He was a detective with the Chicago Police
Department. 

Yes, ma'am, I did. The Los Angeles Police Department has no record of a
Raymond Vecchio ever having been in their employ. 

No, ma'am, I am not calling from Canada. I'm calling from Chicago. I was
the deputy liaison officer for the consulate in Chicago. 

Uh, no. The ambassador would reside in the embassy in Washington, DC. 

It's a common error, ma'am. 

Actually, ma'am, I'm not in the foreign service. I'm a Mountie. Why do I
wish to contact Detective Vecchio? Well, ma'am, therein hangs a tale. 

No. Not "has a tail," ma'am, *hangs a tale*. 

It comes from . . . . Well, it has. . . . Actually, I'm not sure where it
comes from, ma'am, but it is a common phrase with which to begin a story. 

What's that? 

Oh. I beg your pardon. I didn't realize it was archaic. 

As I said, Detective Vecchio and I were friends. He helped me discover my
father's murderer-- 

Well, it was meant to look like a hunting accident. My father was shot by
a man masquerading as a dentist from Chicago on a hunting trip. 

Caribou, I believe. 

I suppose you might say caribou is a sort of deer found in the Arctic. 

Why was he killed? Well, it had to do with a dam which was improperly
built and thus led to the destruction of indigenous wildlife when it
became necessry to release excess water. 

What kind of indigenous wildlife? Well, that would be caribou, ma'am,
although I am certain other species were likewise affected. 

No, ma'am, my father wasn't an engineer or an animal rights activist. He
was a Mountie. No, ma'am, being a Mountie is not a hereditary post. My
grandparents were librarians. 

Oh. Oh, yes, I see what you mean. Yes, many sons follow their fathers into
certain occupations. In fact, among the Inuit-- 

Inuit? Well they are the native peoples of the north. 

Well, ma'am, they dislike being referred to as Eskimos. 

Why do I wish to find Detective Vecchio? Well, as I said, we were friends
once. 

How did I know he moved to Los Angeles? His sister Francesca told me when
I returned to Chicago on an assignment. 

She was. . . . That is, *I* was . . . . Well, she was reluctant to divulge
his number. 

Why don't I ask her where he is? Well, ma'am, I was doing rather well to
learn the general geographical vicinity. I didn't wish to push my luck, as
it were. 

As a gentleman, ma'am, I'm afraid I can't answer that. 

No, ma'am. At least, I don't think so ma'am. 

Is this really necessary, ma'am? I mean, I was unaware that one must
undergo such rigorous and thorough questioning in order to obtain a
telephone number. 

There is no listing for Raymond Vecchio in the greater Los Angeles area?
Are you certain, ma'am? 

I apologize, ma'am. I did not mean to imply you were remiss in your
duties. 

Are there any listings for anyone named Vecchio in the greater Los Angeles
area? 

Oh. Oh, I see. Perhaps you could give me the names of the female Vecchios?


His wife's name would be Margaret. 

Yes, ma'am. I did know her. 

How? Oh, well, you see, she was my superior officer when I was with the
consulate here in Chicago. 

Well, I'm sure she was equally capable, ma'am, but I'm not at all certain
she was a better policeman than I. 

Oh. My mistake. No, she was my commanding officer, my 

supervisor. 

I suppose you could say that I did, indeed, introduce them. It's rather a
long story ma'am. 

Well, I'm certain you have other people who need. . .ah, information. 

Thank you for your assistance, ma'am. 

Would I like you to connect me? Well, no, thank you ma'am. 

Why did I waste your time, then? I assure you I did not mean to, ma'am. 

Well, ma'am, I'm certain I could dial the number myself. . . when I'm
ready. 

Thank you kindly, ma'am. 

Leigh A. Adams adderlygirl@yahoo.com