A TIME TO HEAL    Author's disclaimer: Although the story is mine,
it is a work of fiction based on the character of Due South.All Characters
portrayed here belong to Alliance. Please do not print/copy/download or
send any part of this story to anyone else, other than for your personal
enjoyment. Thank you. 

Author's notes: This is in reference to a challenge my buddy Fear*Aradia
sent me. Contains graphic  sexual scenes and a rape warning. If you are
under eighteen, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER!! There is some language and
violence that would not be appropriate for younger readers, thus the NC-17
rating.  H/C-Slash-Rape-Violence-Language 

Please contact me at perrymor@home.net 

I welcome any comments about my story. 
   

A TIME TO HEAL 

BY: Amethyst 
  

         Fraser wrung the remainder of the dirty water from the heavy mop
and placed it back inside the cupboard, then emptied the bucket and placed
that with the mop. He wiped his damp hands on his jail blue denims and
shirt, that read Chicago Correctional Facility, and headed over to the
officer in charge. He could hardly believe that he had been arrested for
possession of a narcotic, it had all been a terrible misunderstanding.    
He had been coming out of a convenience store, having just purchased some
cream for a slight sun burn he had on the back of his neck, when a young
woman hurried past him, dropping a parcel behind her. Well, of course,
Fraser bent to retrieve the small brown package and darted after he. When
he caught up to her and tried to give her back her package, she kept
insisting it wasn't hers. That was when the police showed up and arrested
them both for possession. Fraser tried to explain that he was only
attempting to return the package, and was a shocked as the officers that
there had been cocaine inside. He was dressed in his casuals and the woman
kept screaming that the package was Fraser's, so they were arrested and
booked. 
         They  had given Fraser his one phone call and he had called the
27th precinct. Ray was out of town and Welsh was tied up, but he managed
to leave a message with Hewy, so that Ray could come by when he returned
to bail him out and explain things. Ray had a way of explaining things to
get Fraser out of the situations he often found himself in. So, now all he
could do is wait. He approached the guard and asked if there was anything
other required work, but the guard shook his head and brought him back to
his cell. Fraser settled back on the lower bunk, as the heavy metal door
clanged shut behind him, and tried to sleep. 
        He was startled abruptly from his slumber, by a large heavy set
prison guard, who was poking at Fraser with his night stick. 
        "On yer feet." The man ordered and Fraser immediately stood. 
        "Certainly, Sir." He replied politely. "What..." The man shoved
him forward out of the cell and Fraser glanced at him confused. "Excuse
me, but what..." He gasped as the nightstick suddenly made contact with
the back of his ribs. 
        "Shaddup and keep moving." The guard ordered as Fraser regained
his footing from the assault. Not wanting to risk the man's wrath, he
remained silent and allowed the man to escort him out of his cell, down
the short walkway and across to a different section. Fraser read the
Maximum Security sign that hung across the metal door, as the guard waited
to be buzzed inside. 
        "Excuse me, but I don't understand..." Fraser began, but he was
being roughly pushed inside and the door closed tightly behind them. Why
were they putting him in this section? He was considered a first time
offender and would usually only have to pay a fine if he had been guilty,
not to mention that he was an officer of the law, albeit in another
country, and they usually kept them out of general population. Fraser was
pushed into a cell with two other large individuals and sealed inside. He
tried to get the guard's attention, but the man was already walking away,
ignoring Fraser's calls. 
        "What have we got here?" inquired a strangely familiar voice, and
the hair on the back of Fraser's neck prickled warningly, as he turned to
face two familiar looking convicts. Although he couldn't remember their
names, he remembered them from when he had stolen the Milk Duds to get
inside the jail and protect his partner Ray, who had been arrested for
contempt of court and who's life was in danger by the inmates he was
helping to prosecute against. 
         "Well, hello again, gentleman." He offered politely, refusing to
show fear, and hoping they would respect that. "This is a surprise now
isn't it?" The taller of the two, a man with many tattoos and too much
facial hair stepped toward him and Fraser had an inane thought that the
convict reminded of a large, walking tree. His arms were about the size of
some tree trunks, indeed and he had to be at least six foot six or taller.

        "We got us a pretty boy, Mountie, Tony." The man commented to the
other convict, who was about Fraser's height and build but with dark blond
hair and a goatee. 
        "Ain't never had me a Mountie before, Sal." Remarked the man named
Tony and Fraser got a terrible feeling of what was about to happen. He
backed up only a step and felt the hard steel of the bars behind him. 
        "Now, gentleman." Began Fraser, knowing that neither of them would
be the least bit gentle. "Perhaps we can discuss." Sal loomed nearer and
Fraser forced himself to meet his gaze, even if he had to crane his neck
to do so. "You don't want to do this." Please, he prayed silently. Please
let them just want to beat me up, that's all just...His thoughts were
interrupted as Sal grabbed him by the shirt collar and lifted him upward s
he could sneer at him face to face. Fraser willed his feet not to kick out
in a blind panic for something solid under to stand on. 
        "We're gonna have us a real good time, Mountie." He stated
menacingly. "You can get it the hard way or the easy way, either is good
fer me." Fraser couldn't very well fight them both, it was two against one
and he was locked in a cell with nowhere to run. "So what's yer choice?"
Fraser's eyes narrowed, he would not cooperate, it wasn't in him to do so
in this kind of situation, and perhaps if he angered them enough they'd
beat him unconscious first and forget about raping him. He brought his leg
up and kneed the giant in the groin, unfortunately the stigma of the
bigger they are the harder they fall doesn't apply to horny ogres with one
tracks on his mind, for although Sal grunted, he didn't drop Fraser.
Instead he threw him viciously against the bars and Fraser held his cry of
pain from surfacing as the metal slammed into his head and back. 
        "That wasn't nice, Mountie." Sighed Tony from his corner. "Now you
went and made him mad." Good, thought Fraser, get mad, hit me just
don't...Again coherent thought was knocked from him as Sal tossed him
against the adjacent wall. Fraser shook his throbbing head and shakily sat
up against the wall. Tony knelt beside him and Fraser automatically braced
himself to move away, but refused to react when the younger man's callused
fingers traced the contour of Fraser's pale cheek. "Just relax and it
won't hurt so much. You might even enjoy it." Fraser sensed Tony wasn't as
prone to violence as his roommate was, the man seemed almost gentle,
perhaps Fraser could use that to his advantage. 
        "Why are you doing this?" he asked him, steeling his voice to hide
the tremor that would reveal his fear.  "Because I'm a police officer? The
law will prosecute..." 
        "For Sal, yah he want's to do a cop." Admitted Tony easily. "Me, I
think yer beautiful." He smiled and shook his head. "As for the law, the
law doesn't exist in here, my friend. You, Sal, me, we're all completely
on our own and safe from outside interference. But, we'll let you choose,
since you're our guest, who goes first." 
         Fraser shook his head and tried to scramble to his feet, only to
have Tony pull him back down. Fraser kicked him away, just as Sal reached
down and grabbed him up by the throat. Fraser couldn't breath, The meaty
hand that encircled his precious throat was squeezing the air from his
lungs. 
         "Drop him, Sal." He distantly heard Tony order, then Fraser was
on the floor again, massaging his throat and gulping in air. Well, at
least he was a well trained ogre, Fraser thought oddly. "You'll probably
kill him with the way you get, so I'll go first." Kill me, please!
Fraser's mind screamed. I'd rather die. He barely registered the huge palm
that pulled him to his feet and threw him on the lower bunk. Instantly he
prepared to leap off of it, but Tony and Sal forced him back down, so he
tried to kick at them with his feet. He heard a satisfying crunch as his
boot connected with Sal's stomach and actually propelled the giant
backwards against the wall of the cell, as he bit into Tony's  wrist. The
blond cried out in pain and Fraser rolled from under him and scrambled for
the edge of the bed, but Sal was back and he hit Fraser, square across the
jaw, he force ripping his head sideways and slamming him into the wall
behind the bunk. 
        Fraser spit out the taste of blood in his mouth and tried to clear
his head of the stars that danced around him, while trying to focus his
eyes. Tony grabbed him from behind and pulled him across the bunk on his
stomach, Fraser fought him with every ounce of strength he had left, but
with the two of them against him they had him pressed against the mattress
and immobile in minutes. Fraser would not beg. He was a Mountie and he
could handle any situation without resorting to pleas for mercy. They had
pulled his jeans off of him, Fraser wasn't sure how, but somehow they had
shed his clothing and he still lay pinned to the bed. The shame and
embarrassment was over taken by his rage and he bucked under the pressure
of Tony's body over his. 
         "If you'll calm down it won't be so bad." he whispered to Fraser
soothingly. Fraser had lied, he would beg. 
         "Please don't." he managed weakly. "Don't do this, Tony. Please."
Fraser sensed his hesitation, and thought that perhaps the man had
regained his conscience, but then a moment later Fraser felt pain like he
had never before experience and he could not contain his scream, as Tony
pushed inside him. Sal was holding Fraser's arms and upper body, while his
roommate slammed repeatedly against Fraser and he felt the tears of
humiliation slide down his face. 

        Fraser huddled in the corner of the bunk, a short time later,
ashamed that he was allowing his fear to rule over him, but he no longer
had any control over himself. Tony's assault had been bad, yet relatively
quick, but the convict had been correct about Sal, the larger man had been
much more violent and Fraser honestly wished it had killed him. He was
sure the man had broken many blood vessels inside him, for he had bled
terribly during and afterwards. Sal had gripped him so tightly during the
rape and slammed into him so viciously that Fraser had bruises all over
his back, legs and torso and he suspected he may also have at least one
broken rib. Unfortunately, that was only part of what the giant enjoyed,
for he had also forced his large cock down Fraser's throat, fucking his
mouth as viciously as he had taken him in the ass. Fraser could do nothing
to dissuade him, he had even tried to sink his teeth into the swollen
flesh that filled his mouth, but that only enticed Sal, obviously the man
was a bit of a sadist. 
        Now, Fraser could neither sit, nor swallow, or really move without
searing pain tearing through him. Tony had dressed him again, the man's
hands surprisingly efficient and gentle, but then it was obvious that the
con had done this before, and now he sat next to Fraser quietly, keeping
Sal away from the Mountie for the time being, and for that at least Fraser
was thankful. The giant had so enjoyed himself that he'd wanted seconds,
but Tony told him later, that they had to let Fraser rest up. Sal had
finally climbed up on the top bunk and gone to sleep, leaving Tony and
Fraser to have the lower bed. 
        "Why don't you stretch out." Tony suggested to Fraser quietly. "It
will be more comfortable." Fraser shook his head and pulled deeper inside
himself, he was literally cornered between the wall and the other man, and
his body hurt so bad he couldn't attempt another escape even if he wanted
to. Tony moved closer and pulled the stiff Mountie into his arms and
started to rock Fraser gently, but the Canadian never relaxed, nor did he
have the strength to push away. "I'm much nicer once you get to know me." 
He continued softly. "If you'll agree to give me pleasure I'll keep Sal
away from you." Fraser remained silent. "It's the lesser of two evils, my
friend. I promise to be gentle and not push to much." Still Fraser said
nothing. What choice did he really have? If Sal got hold of him again it
would kill him, or drive him over the edge, and he still had no idea why
he was even in here. 
        "I'm....I shouldn't be here." He rasped. "M..mistake." Tony
nodded. 
        "I didn't figure you were supposed to be with us hardened
criminals." Admitted Tony quietly. "I still don't know why Rogers brought
you here, but I'm not complaining. Still, if you're nice to me, I'll see
what I can do about getting you someone to talk to about getting moved out
of here." 
        "Ray. Need to talk to Ray." Whispered Fraser hoarsely and Tony
nodded. 
        "I'll see what I can do." He turned to Fraser and stared directly
into his eyes. "Let's lay down, hmm?" 
        Fraser slowly stretched out on the bunk with Tony, wincing at the
pains in his body. Tony traced his jaw and smiled down at him. "You are
beautiful." Fraser closed his eyes defeated as Tony covered his mouth with
his own. Fraser pushed back the bile that rose in his already incredibly
sore throat and allowed the man to do what he would, but made no effort to
reciprocate. He felt Tony's hand slide down over his thigh to caress him,
but thankfully the convict only wanted a quick feel then he snuggled next
to Fraser and drifted off to sleep. 

        Fraser eased himself down on the hard wooden chair and stared at
his friend and partner Ray Vecchio, through the bubbled glass of the
visitor's area. Both men reached for the phone so they could speak. 
        "What the hell is goin' on, Benny?" demanded Ray, concerned. "I
got back in town and found out you were in here. They said you were
arrested for possession, what's the deal?" Fraser briefed him on what he
knew, his face and voice neutral and Ray noticed the light seemed to have
gone out of the Mountie's usually bright eyes; those same eyes that Ray
noticed were not quite meeting his own. 
        "I don't know any more than that, Ray." He finished. 
        "I'll get on it." Ray promised him. "They won't give you a bail
but I'll talk to the judge about that and get you out of here as soon as I
can, Benny." 
        "That is good of you, Ray." Returned Fraser passively and Ray
frowned. 
        "What have they done to you, Fraser?" he demanded softly. 
        "I...I have to go, Ray." Fraser informed suddenly, hanging up the
phone and rising from his seat. Ray watched him go, worry lining his
features. He hung up the phone and left the area. He headed toward his car
and something made him glance up at the  high security fenced yard where
the criminals exercised. Fraser stood close to the fence, staring after
him, a look of fear and defeat on his features like none Ray had ever seen
before. Just then, a blond man came up to him and threw his arm around
Fraser's shoulder, guiding him away, and Fraser went complacently. Ray got
into the vehicle and drove off, he had a lot to do. 

        Fraser picked at the food on his tray, wishing with all his heart
that Ray would hurry and get him released from the hell in which he now
lived. Although they had moved him back to a different cell, it was one
with Tony, and right now the only person that was keeping him alive was
the blonde. Sal continued to make advances on Fraser, but for some reason,
Tony always managed to hold the giant at bay. Tony held everyone at bay
and Fraser was grateful. Only Tony expected payment for his services and
Fraser didn't know how much longer he could hold off the other mans
affections. The blond had let him recuperate a couple of days from the
rapes, demanding a kiss here, a quick feel there, but Fraser knew the
man's patience was wearing thin. He understood he was considered Tony's
property, at least inside the prison, and Tony was bent on getting what he
wanted sooner or later. Fraser was nauseated every time the man touched
him, but the fear that he would allow Sal to have his way with him again,
forced Fraser to bear it. 
        "Tonight." Stated Tony, sitting down next to Fraser and setting
his metal food tray on the table. Fraser glanced at him confused. "Tonight
I get paid." Fraser's gaze dropped back to his food as Tony caressed his
thigh under the table. "It will be okay, you'll see." Fraser doubted that,
but nodded anyway, he wanted to keep Tony on his good side as long as
possible. As if his appetite wasn't poor before, it was non-existent now
and he pushed the tray away from him just as he saw Sal walking toward
them. Fraser moved to the far end of the bench and Tony thankfully
followed. Sal sat down opposite Fraser, his whole body moved the table
beneath them. 
        "How ya doin' Mountie?" he sneered and Fraser avoided looking at
him. He had lost his ability to communicate even the most polite of
conversations, now he just remained quiet and tried not to cringe before
the man. "You and me gonna dance tonight, pretty boy?" 
        "He's mine, Sal." Warned Tony, as he had many times before, but
for some 
reason Sal wasn't backing down this time, and he reached across to grab
Fraser's wrist. The Mountie twisted out of his grasp and stood up, at
least some of his skills were still with him. Tony stood as well,
practically in front of Fraser. "I said leave him, be, Sal." 
        Sal  rose and swatted him away, as though he were no more than an
annoying fly, and the blond flew across the table as Sal advanced on
Fraser. Fraser continued to back up, looking for a means of escape, or
perhaps for the guards to see the commotion and interfere, but neither was
revealed and he was soon cornered between the giant and a few other
inmates who had grabbed hold of him and was now urging the other man on.
Fraser shook off two of the men that held him and decked the other, then
scrambled over and under a table toward Tony, who was just climbing to his
feet. The two men seemed to stand, unified against the giant who now
turned to them. 
        Just as they prepared for another fight, the guards finally
decided to make their presence known and the inmates dispersed. Fraser
automatically turned to asses the wound on Tony's head. He asked the guard
if he might take him to the infirmary and the guard gave his assent. Tony
was still a little shaky, perhaps from a concussion, as Fraser led him
down the halls of the prison toward medical help. 
        "Guess I showed him, huh." Chuckled Tony weakly and Fraser offered
him a small smile, even though he was already half supporting the man as
they walked. 
        "Indeed." He remarked as they finally came to the infirmary. The
male nurse patched up Tony's head and suggested that he stay overnight in
case of a concussion. Tony refused and Fraser tried to talk him into
staying. 
        "You just want to spoil my fun, Mountie." Tony teased and Fraser
looked away. Tony spoke seriously. "I don't want to take the chance of Sal
coming after you if I'm not there." 
        "You can't stand up to him alone, Tony." Stated Fraser. "He'll
kill you. It's better if you stay here and I'll be perfectly safe..." 
        "You're not staying there alone, Ben." Insisted Tony hopping
carefully off the table and tossing a thank you at the medic. "I told you
I'd protect you and I meant it. Now let's go." The man threw an arm around
Fraser's shoulders, though Fraser suspected it was more to keep the blond
upright than anything, so Fraser wrapped an arm around the man's waist to
help support him. "I love it when you touch me, Ben." Fraser smiled a
little and shook his head. Tony had a one track mind. 
        They returned to their cell and Fraser helped Tony lay down on the
lower bunk, as their cell doors clanged shut for night lockup, then
started to hop up on the upper bunk. Tony caught hold of his leg and he
bent to see what the man needed. Tony carefully moved over on the bunk,
indicating he wanted Fraser next to him. Fraser hesitated, he was grateful
for the man's assistance, but he couldn't do what Tony wanted him to. 
        "Just lay down, Ben." The man instructed quietly. "I'm in no shape
for anything tonight, lucky you. Got out of it again." Fraser would have
smiled if he hadn't been so relieved. He stretched out on the bunk,
allowing the younger man to throw a possessive arm around him and rest his
head on his shoulder. After a moment, Tony raised up on his elbow to stare
down at Fraser. "Kiss me good-night?" Fraser averted his eyes and forced
down his urge to move to the top bunk again. Tony could have been killed
today defending him, and though the convict had put Fraser in this
position in the first place, Fraser could be much worse off without the
blonde's intervention. After a long deep breath, he nodded and watched
Tony lower his head toward him. His eyes remained open as their lips
touched and his thoughts strayed to Ray Vecchio, his partner and friend,
who he was sure was working non-stop to get him releases as soon as
possible. He felt Tony's lips press against his more urgently, the man's
tongue dip at his firmly closed lips. Fraser opened his mouth to him,
knowing it was what Tony wanted, and convincing himself to think of it as
a resuscitation exercise. 
        He had only meant to let the man enjoy his kiss, then hoped it
would be enough and he would go to sleep, but Tony deepened the kiss,
thrusting his tongue into Fraser's mouth as his hand traveled down over
Fraser's torso and chest. Panicked, Fraser caught the roaming hand and
tried to break the kiss but Tony was adamant and far to excited to
relinquish him so easily. He delved deeper and deeper into Fraser's mouth,
his body moved at top the Mountie, restricting his movements, as he rubbed
his hardened arousal against Fraser's     softer one. 
         Fraser groaned in protest and tried to push the man off of him, 
but somehow Tony managed to get his hand between them and was now stroking
Fraser through his jeans. Fraser was appalled that he started to grow hard
and he broke the kiss gasping. 
        "No." he told Tony, who was trying to recapture his mouth. 
         "Yes." Tony growled grabbing Fraser's hands and pinning them
above him, making Fraser wince because of his still hurting ribs. "The
easy way, Mountie. I want this. I deserve this. I don't want to hurt you
for it." Fraser shook his head and tried to buck him off, but between
Fraser's still weakened state and the man's determination he was
unsuccessful. Tony captured his mouth again and Fraser once again had to
swallow hard to keep from gagging. 
        Tony pressed against him, his need urging Fraser to understand how
much he wanted to do this thing with him, and again Fraser felt
humiliation as he felt his body respond once more to the man's urgency.
Tony's kiss turned surprisingly gentle, when Fraser whimpered in fear and
protest , and Fraser almost forgot that it was another man who was kissing
him. Tony had released his hands and they slid sown slowly to ease the
pressure of his ribs, as the blond quickly rid Fraser and himself of their
shirts. 
        "I don't want.." Fraser whispered as Tony kissed and licked his
chest. 
        "I do." Stated Tony softly. "Give it to me, Ben. You owe me that.
Please." He was surprised that the other man had begged and Fraser closed
his eyes, allowing Tony to do what he would, thinking of home, and snow
and wilderness. 
        He was almost caught up in his dream, until he suddenly realized
Tony had removed his jeans and was now taking his penis inside his mouth.
Fraser bucked wildly, he didn't want that- not that, but Tony was already
sucking him and fondling him and Fraser flushed as he felt his organ throb
under the man's hot mouth and darting tongue. This was so different from
the first time, there was no pain and really only a small amount of fear,
as Tony slowly, tenderly, sucked him. Fraser felt his hips rise to meet
the man's strokes, again overwhelmed by shame, but unable to stop his body
from responding. Tony grinned, Fraser felt it rather than saw it, for his
eyes were closed, then he felt Tony's hand slip beneath him and slip a
finger inside him. Fraser went rigid, wanting to tell him to stop, but
unable to concentrate on what he was thinking or saying. Two fingers now
probed him, then three and Fraser had never felt anything like it. This
was nothing like the first time, Tony was actually making love to him and
though he hated the thought, Fraser was responding to him. 
        Tony released him and moved up to capture his mouth again and
Fraser found himself kissing the man back, unprepared for the sensations
that now rocked him. Tony balanced Fraser's hips on his thighs, never
breaking the kiss, then slowly entered him. Fraser cried out into his
mouth in a moment of blind panic, but soon Tony was thrusting inside and
Fraser was matching the thrusts, while Tony's tongue explored his mouth.
Finally releasing Fraser's lips, Tony reached a hand between them and
stroked Fraser as he continued to push against him. Fraser's eyes were
closed, his swollen lips parted an beads of sweat marked his brow and
upper lip. Tony released inside him just as Fraser came over the blonde's
hand. Tony rolled off, panting and Fraser laid there, also breathing
heavy, but in some sort of shock. 
        "W..wasn't so bad, now was it?" demanded Tony quietly as Fraser
finally moved to pull his clothes on, then shakily sat up to move off the
bed. Tony caught his hand. "Where you going?" Fraser shook his head,
wanting to cry, waning to vomit and unable to stay next to the man that he
had just had sex with. Tony seemed to understand and released him,
allowing him to climb to the top bunk and curl up in a fetal position. So
many things plagued him. Fear, doubt, disgust, loathing, surprise, and
even sated overwhelmed him. Ray! He wanted to cry. Please save me, Ray! 
  
         Fraser awoke as he was being physically pulled from his bunk by
the giant known as Sal, and thrown to the floor. Fraser managed to make it
just to his knees, using the lower bunk for support, but as his hand
touched the mattress, it also came in contact with Tony's arm, and as he
looked up, Fraser saw the cold, dead eyes of his bunkmate, a handmade
shift sticking from his chest. Fraser cried out in outrage and charged the
giant, catching the larger man off guard and knocking them both out of the
cell, their door had been standing open. Fraser grabbed Sal's head and
pounded it against the hard floor, but then he was thrown off and
scrambling to his feet as Sal lunged for him and over the railing they
went, down to the lower deck. 
         Fraser barely registered the noise of the other convict
spectators  and thought he heard several pairs of feet running toward
them. Sal had a strangle hold on Fraser, but Fraser was still fighting him
with every ounce of strength he had in him. He managed to throw the man
over his head, with a well placed leg, but hadn't even gotten to a
crawling position before the giant had him in his grips again. Fraser was
sure this was it, as the man's meaty hands closed around his throat, for
he couldn't fight anymore. 
 Suddenly the pressure was released and he could breath again, Sal was
being pulled off of him by three other guards and a blurry face appeared
before Fraser. Ray! Before the Italian could say a word, Fraser threw
himself into his arms, thanking him, thanking God that his partner would
save him. Ray held him, rocked him, soothed him with words as only Ray
could. 

         Fraser stared blindly out the hospital room's window, he seemed
to have this particular view a lot since coming to Chicago, he decided
wryly. He wore a bandage around his throat and couldn't talk, Sal had done
some damage to his larynx, but the Doctor's said it would heal in time.
They questioned him about the bruises and lacerations on his torso and
lower thighs and calves, but Fraser simply turned away from them, ashamed
that Ray had witnessed the injuries, since he insisted on staying with his
partner while he was examined and admitted. Now, the detective sat quietly
in a chair next to Fraser's bed, neither of them speaking, Fraser because
he couldn't, Ray because he didn't know what to say. 
         Ray watched Benny quietly, wishing he could take the pain of the
last few days away from him. The Doctor's had confirmed that the Mountie
had been savagely raped, perhaps repeatedly, and also badly bruised,
though it seemed it was only minor injuries that he sustained. Ray had
been furious when he had gone to the judge and found they had misplaced
Fraser's case. When he found out they had placed his partner, a cop, in
general population, maximum security at that, he was outraged and had a
visit with the warden, demanding Fraser be released or moved back into a
safer area. He was a cop, you didn't integrate cops on a misdemeanor
charge, especially one that could easily be dismissed. 
        When he had finally managed to get the judge to set a bail, he
paid it and went to get his partner out that night. He was in the prison
when the alarm sounded that a fight had broken out. Ignoring the desk
sergeant he took off with the guards and his heart almost stopped when he
saw Fraser and a familiar looking giant fall over the rail above them.
Then they had wanted to hold Fraser for the murder of the guy he was
sharing a cell with, but, Ray wouldn't have it. He went ballistic,
accusing them all of setting Fraser up and how he shouldn't have even been
in there. The warden agreed, apparently appalled that he had no knowledge
that Fraser had even been moved from the safe house area. Ray didn't want
his apologies, he wanted Fraser out of that prison and was threatening to
go to the press. They finally agreed to drop the charges against Fraser
and Ray took him immediately to the hospital. He had been devastated when
they had started to examine Fraser in the emergency room, and he had seen
the garishly dark abrasions on his friend's pale skin, then they had
insisted Ray leave. Afterwards, the Doctor confirmed Ray's worst fears
and, after emptying the contents of his stomach in one of the hospital's
bathrooms, he simply sat watching Fraser, hating himself for not
protecting his partner. 
        "C..Can I get ya anything, Benny?" he finally asked?" Fraser
didn't look at him, just continued to stare out the window. "Maybe I could
find a copy of Caribou weekly downstairs?" Fraser did not respond to the
joke and Ray rubbed his forehead worriedly. "I'm sorry, Benny. I got ya
outta there as soon as I could." No response. Sensing his friend just
needed some time to think, he stood and leaned over him, wanting to give
him another hug, remembering how Fraser had clung to him at the jail,
wanting to say the right words that would comfort him, but he knew of none
and he didn't think Fraser wanted his touch right now. 
         So, he sighed and started to move back, just as Fraser turned to
look at him, fixing him with an empty stare, his deep cerulean eyes
suppressing a pain that Ray suspected ran deep inside him as he watched a
single tear slip down Fraser's cheek. Ray couldn't help it, he reached
forward and brushed at the tear with his thumb, a tender caress between
two men who were closer than brothers, a sign of Ray's loyalty and
understanding. Fraser's eyes closed briefly and when they opened again,
Ray swallowed the lump that rose in his throat. Fraser's eyes shined with
forgiveness and acceptance, then he turned to stare back at the window,
moving from Ray's touch. Ray nodded and promised to be back later, than
left the room quietly. 

        Inspector Margaret Thatcher entered Fraser's office, after a quick
knock on the door, and watched him rise respectively from his desk. 
        "Yes, Sir?" he inquired politely. 
        Thatcher gazed at him for a long moment, she had not noticed any
direct change in his manner since his brief incarceration, Vecchio had
informed her of some of what happened but she sensed there was a darker
secret the two men were keeping from her that had not been in Fraser's
detailed report. Fraser, as always was politely passive and decidedly
calm, although every now and then she caught a strange look in his eyes,
and he didn't give her one of his precious semi smiles like he used to. He
was cool and distant, but impeccably polite and it was getting on her
nerves. She wanted him to relax around her, tease her like he sometimes
did, though it was done in such a way that it didn't appear to be teasing,
but Margaret knew when he was playing. He hadn't even gotten into
outlandish scrapes with Vecchio and frankly Thatcher was getting bored by
his lack of shenanigans. 
        "I have an Embassy dinner this evening, Fraser." She informed
coolly. "I will need you to be my escort. Pick me up at six thirty sharp
at my apartment and..." 
        "Perhaps Turnbull would be better suited, Sir." Fraser interrupted
her and she stared at him surprised. Fraser always escorted her to social
functions such as these, she enjoyed the gentlemanly attention he showered
her, the raves and compliments she received from the other guests over
Fraser's manners, the jealous looks from the women because Fraser was so
unbelievably handsome and he was all for Thatcher. 
        "Are you refusing to accompany me, Constable?" she demanded
haughtily. She did not want to take that nit wit Turnbull, she would just
as soon go alone. Expecting Fraser to start blushing and fumbling, now
that she had called his bluff, she was surprised when he simply lowered
his eyes for a moment. 
        "Of course not, Sir." He returned quietly. "If it is my duty to do
so, I shall escort you." Thatcher frowned, he needn't sound so damn
regretful over it, but then she remembered what he had been through the
past two weeks and she decided to make allowances. She straightened and
absently brushed a stray hair from her eyes. 
        "If you truly do not wish to attend, Fraser, then I won't force
you to do so." She watched him  closely for a sign that he felt the
slightest bit guilty, as he usually did when he countermanded a direct
request, but there was none. She sighed defeated. "I shall just go alone
then. I am sorry that I bothered you, Constable." She turned to leave and
was surprised that as she put her hand on the doorknob, she felt a
hesitant palm touch her opposite arm. She turned, first to stare at the
hand, then raised her eyes to meet it's owner. Fraser's hand pulled back
as though he had been burned and his eyes shifted away from her. 
        "I will take you." He finally said, not meeting her eyes, and she
immediately felt sorry for him. 
        "If you don't want to," she began. "I'll understand Fraser." He
shook his head. 
        "I shall be by for you at six thirty." Thatcher stared at him a
moment longer than nodded. 
        "Very well, Fraser." She decided. "I shall see you then." After a
moment's hesitation she added.  "You may leave early to get ready if you
wish."" 
        Fraser nodded and turned back to his desk. He dropped down wearily
into his chair, his usual rigid posture momentarily relaxed as he put his
head in his hands. He was so tired, so very tired. He had not been
sleeping hardly at all and it seemed like it took all of his energy to
remain composed and calm through out the day at the Consulate. He hadn't
been out on a case with Ray since he was released from prison, and Fraser
worried his partner might think he was avoiding him or somehow blaming him
for what happened. 
 He was doing neither, he simply didn't have the energy to maintain his
control for eight to ten hours at the Consulate then behave around Ray, it
simply was too much right now. He knew he should stop canceling the
appointments that his friend had set up for him with a counselor, but
Fraser couldn't bring himself to talk to anyone about what had happened,
not even Ray. He'd even declined a supper invitation from Ma Vecchio, he
had rarely done that, and he sensed he hurt the woman's feelings by doing
so, but the Vecchio clan was just more than he could handle right now. 
        With a decidedly un-Fraser-like sigh, he finished off the
remainder of his paperwork and rose to retrieve his Stetson and long navy
uniform coat. He headed outside and was surprised to find Ray Vecchio just
pulling up to the curb. His friend smiled as Fraser climbed inside the
Riveria. 
        "Hello, Ray." He greeted. "You are here early." Ray nodded and
pulled out into traffic. 
        "I was just gonna stop by and see how you were, Benny."  He
explained, choosing not to mention that Thatcher had called and suggested
that Fraser would be leaving early and might need a lift him, he didn't
think Fraser would appreciate her interference. "So, you got off early,
huh?" 
        "Yes." Replied Fraser, placing his Stetson on the dash and staring
out the passenger side window. Ray frowned, wishing he could get the
Mountie to open up to him. 
        "That's good." He decided as he accelerated to make it through a
yellow light before it turned. Fraser almost smiled. In Ray Vecchio's
mind, green meant go, yellow go faster, and red stop only if you have
to.     "We can maybe talk or something for a bit. Haven't had the chance
to do that much lately." 
        "I've been busy." Fraser defended automatically and Ray rushed to
placate him. 
        "Oh, I know." He assured. "Me too. It's been one of those weeks ya
know?" Fraser nodded and continued to stare out the window. Ray changed
lanes without signaling and made an illegal left turn, then questioned
Fraser about his deeds when the Mountie hadn't spoken up. 
        "Would it make a difference if I did, Ray?" inquired Fraser wryly
and Ray grinned. Aha! A response. 
        "No, but that's besides the point." The detective replied. "You
always hassle me about my driving, whether or not I listen to you is
irrelevant." Fraser offered him a small smile, but it didn't last nearly
long enough for Ray's liking. "Wanna grab a bite to eat?" 
        "Thank you kindly, Ray." Returned Fraser, once again withdrawn.
"But I have to get ready for a gala with Inspector Thatcher this evening
and I am not particularly hungry." Ray frowned, although you couldn't tell
it while he was in uniform, the detective was certain the Canadian had
drastically lost weight and that worried him. He pulled up to Fraser's
apartment and Fraser got out, moving to thank him for the ride, but Ray
was stepping out beside him. 
        "Mind if I come up?" he requested, knowing the Mountie was too
polite to refuse him. "We can visit some more while you dress." Fraser
hesitated for only a fraction of a second, before relenting and entering
the  run down tenement. They climbed quietly to Fraser's apartment,
Diefenbaker was waiting eagerly for them and Fraser walked over to open
the window so the wolf could escape to take care of his business. Ray
closed the door behind him as they entered and  watched Fraser shrug off
his coat and place his hat on the table. He looked tired, too tired, like
he hadn't slept properly in weeks, and Ray was automatically concerned. 
        "Would you like some tea, Ray?" Fraser offered, ever the perfect
host, but Ray declined as he settled into one of the two kitchen chairs. 
        "I'm fine, Benny." He peered at him closely. "You look like hell
Fraser." Fraser offered him another wry grin, as he started to unfasten
the buckles, clips and buttons of his red tunic. 
        "Thank you kindly, Ray." He said dutifully and Ray chuckled. 
        "You know what I mean, smarty pants." Fraser nodded and pulled his
tunic off and folded it neatly, setting it on the table, as he pulled at
his suspenders. "You haven't been sleeping, have you?" 
        "I sleep some." Replied Fraser, moving to pull his gray long
sleeve up over his head, then suddenly stopping short as he realized Ray
was watching him. He had undressed in front of his partner many times
before, as Ray had with him, but it never bothered him before now. He
pulled his shirt back down and watched Ray frown. 
        "What's wrong, Benny?" he asked, sensing Fraser's discomfort.
Fraser didn't want to tell him he felt uncomfortable, after all this was
Ray, his partner and his best friend. They'd seen each other in many odd
and sometimes compromising positions and it had never seemed a big deal,
but now, for some reason, Fraser couldn't bring himself to undress in
front the detective. 
        "Nothing." He lied and moved to the closet. "I will just be a
minute." Ray watched the Mountie enter the small enclosure and close the
door, knowing he was going to change into a clean uniform. It shouldn't
have bothered him, but it did, and he couldn't help feel hurt that he had
lost some of Fraser's unconditional trust. He understood it was a normal
reaction to Fraser's assault, knew that the Canadian would have to rebuild
some of the trust he had with others as all victims did, but it didn't
make the pain any less. He was also a little disappointed, for he was
going to take advantage of Fraser's changing to see if his suspicions that
the Mountie wasn't eating properly were true, now he wouldn't be able to. 
        A moment later, Fraser stepped out of the closet, dressed just as
before, only Ray new the uniform was a fresh one. He was still fastening
some of the buttons and buckles, so Ray stepped up to him and reached a
hand forward to help. When his friend's fingers touched the strap next to
Fraser's side, he was startled when the Mountie flinched away from him and
he let his hand drop to his side. Fraser glanced at him and Ray saw shame
in his eyes. 
        "I..I'm sorry Ray." He offered quietly, quickly finishing the task
with his strap with a slightly shaky hand.      "I..I didn't mean..." Ray
shrugged and automatically went to place a comforting hand on his
partner's shoulder, but then pulled back decidedly. 
        "It's okay, Benny." He assured instead. "It will take time. I'll
be here when yer ready." Fraser nodded gratefully and turned away from
him, but not before the Italian saw the tears forming in the deep blue
eyes. 
        "Thank you kindly, Ray." He said softly. All Ray wanted to do was
pull him into his arms and offer him a warm hug, right then, but he knew
Fraser wasn't ready for that, though it still didn't make Fraser's
mistrust of him hurt any less. He thought about telling Fraser that he
wasn't sleeping to well himself, his own guilt and fears  causing him to
have terrible nightmares that left him drenched with sweat and shaking
when he woke. The idea of Fraser being assaulted caused Ray such torment
and revulsion that it was all he could do not to blow up the entire
penitentiary with all the convicts inside as well as the idiot judge and
warden. 
        "I'll drive ya back to the Consulate." He offered as Fraser closed
his window as Diefenbaker hopped back inside. He put down a bowl of food
for the wolf then retrieved his hat and coat and followed Ray out to the
Riveria. "So ya got some big do tonight, hey Benny?" Fraser nodded as they
got back inside the vehicle. "Ya gonna try and romance the Dragon Lady or
what?" Fraser shook his head and Ray sighed. Fraser never let him get away
with talking like that about Thatcher, that was why it was so much fun to
tease him. "Are ya gonna let me talk about yer superior that way, Benny?" 
        "Whatever you wish, Ray." Sighed Fraser quietly and Ray let it
drop. Obviously the Mountie wasn't in the mood to be teased, so the
detective turned his attention back to his driving. After a while he spoke
again. 
        "Ma want's ya to come to dinner, Fraser." He informed calmly. "She
said to pick a night and she'll cook yer favorite meal." Fraser shook his
head. 
        "Please thank her for me, Ray." He requested. "But I really don't
have the time to stop by..." Ray interrupted firmly, not wanting Fraser to
excuse his way out of it again. 
        "I will not thank her for you." He refused. "If you can't make it
this time then you'll just have to come by and tell her yourself. She'll
kill me fer bein' the messenger if I tell her no again." Fraser almost
smiled, he knew Mrs. Vecchio could be adamant at times. "We got time and
my house is just around the corner so we can stop by." Fraser felt a
moment of panic. 
        "Ah..Ray..I don't think..." 
        "Too late." smirked the detective as he pulled into the drive of
the Vecchio home. Ray got out and headed for the front door, Fraser could
do nothing else but follow. He took a deep breath and stepped inside the
family home, the smells of home cooking and family greeted him. Mrs.
Vecchio as her son called out. "Ma, come see who I brought to visit ya." 
        "Bentino!" she cried in delight, wrapping her full arms around the
Canadian affectionately and giving him a hearty hug. "You have been away
so long, that is not nice. You must make time for visits, we miss you when
you are not here." She kissed both Fraser's cheeks and pulled him forward
toward the kitchen as Francesca came down stairs holding one of her nieces
in her arms. 
        "Hiya Fraser." She greeted happily. 
         "Fraser has something ta tell ya, Ma." Ray announced grinning at
Fraser, who was looking mighty uncomfortable right about now, but Ray felt
he needed it. Regardless of his feelings, he knew the Mountie would not
deflect the older woman's affections as easily as he did Ray's. Mrs.
Vecchio glanced up at the man who become like a son to her, expectantly.
Fraser shot Ray a warning look then turned back to the woman before him. 
        "I...um..it's about dinner, Ma." He managed gently. 
        "You are here for dinner?" she declared with a delighted clap of
her hands. "That is wonderful. Come, we will get your place ready and...."

        "No, I'm sorry I can't stay tonight." Fraser refused in a hurry.
"I have a prior engagement." 
        "Then you must pick a day this week to come and I will fix a good
and favorite meal for you." Insisted Mrs. Vecchio determined. Ray watched
Fraser caress his right brow and hid a smile, good, a sign of stress for
the Mountie, his plan was working. 
        "I..I really don't..." Fraser started to explain, but then the
hurt look in Mrs. Vecchio's eyes sank all intentional refusals. He offered
her a small smile, helpless to do anything but. "Sunday would be fine,
Ma." She laughed and patted his cheek affectionately. 
        "That is good, Bentino." She agreed. "I will put meat back on your
bones you are too thin. You will enjoy my cooking as always, yes? Make
your Mama happy." Fraser nodded and accepted another kiss from her, before
she scurried off toward the kitchen to check her dinner. Fraser glared
accusingly at Ray, who simply   smiled as Francesca wandered closer. 
        "How have you been, Frase?" she asked softly, and Ray silently
prayed his usually forward sister kept her hands to herself this
particular time. Fraser could handle Ma, he wasn't so sure about Frannie. 
        "Fine, thank you, Francesca." He returned politely as he moved
back toward the door and moved to replace his hat on his head again. "I
really should get to the Consulate, Ray." Ray nodded and told his sister
to inform his Mother he would return shortly, then he followed Fraser out
to the car. 
        "See was that so hard?" Ray asked him as they pulled out of the
drive. 
        "That was mean, Ray." Replied Fraser. "You know I cannot say no to
your mother." Ray grinned. 
        "So, who can?" Fraser glared at him again, then tossed his hat on
the dash and stared out the window. 
  

    Thatcher was looking stunning in a low-cut, red evening gown with
black brocade strapless bodice, and heads turned as she and Fraser, in his
dress uniform, entered the ballroom. They were greeted by their hosts and
a few other delegates, then found their seats and settled at their
assigned table. Fraser removed his white gloves, having left his Stetson
in the car, for it wasn't appropriate to wear inside during such an event,
and took a sip of his water. Thatcher made small talk with the woman
seated beside her and the man across from them, Fraser sat quietly,
observing the people and things around him, as always, leaving one ear
especially for Thatcher should she speak to him. The dinner was relatively
boring for him, though the food was excellent he had little appetite, and
then they all moved into a larger room for dancing and socializing.
Fraser, ever the gentleman, remained by Thatcher's side, quick to answer
any comments directed toward him as politely as possible, and ready to
retrieve a drink or whatever his superior officer may require. 
        "Fraser?" she whispered, leaning toward him and he bent his head
dutifully to hear her. 
        "Sir?" 
        "Would you mind escorting me outside on the terrace, I need some
air." She asked and Fraser promptly offered his arm. 
        "As you wish." He returned and guided her through the throng of
people that led to the French doors. They stepped outside into the cool
night air and Fraser closed the door behind them. Thatcher breathed
deeply, her warm breath causing a cloud of frost to appear and for a
moment Fraser thought she looked like one of those Hollywood starlets who
made smoking on screen positively glamorous. She turned to him and smiled,
dispute the goosebumps that were already invading her bare shoulders and
arms. 
        "Are you enjoying yourself, Fraser?" she asked, wrapping her arms
around her a little for warmth. 
        "Would you like me to fetch your wrap, Sir?" he suggested,
noticing her shiver, but she shook her head and waited for him to answer
her question. "It was a fine dinner." 
        "That isn't what I asked, Constable." She replied. "Are you having
a good time?" Fraser refrained from asking if he was supposed to be, for
he was just there as her escort. 
        "Certainly...of course..in a way." His thumb nail crossed the
bridge of his nose nervously.  "No," he finally admitted. "Not really."
Thatcher smiled at his inability to lie to her. 
    "Would you care to take me home then?" she inquired. "I'm rather bored
myself." Fraser nodded, almost in relief. 
        "I would be pleased to do so." He stated as she put her arm in his
once more and they went back inside. They said their goodnights and Fraser
drove her back to her apartment. 
        "W..would you like to come up?" she asked, almost shyly, when he
walked around to the passenger side of the car and opened her door.
"For..for coffee or..something?" Fraser hesitated for only a moment, then
he nodded as she placed her hand in his and stood from the vehicle. 
        "Yes, thank you." He returned and escorted her to her apartment.
Automatically he took the key from her and opened her door, allowing her
to precede him inside. Thatcher tossed her fake fur stole on the nearest
sofa, as Fraser closed the door behind them, and slipped out of her heels.

        "I'm just going to change into something more comfortable,
Fraser." She told him as she headed toward her bedroom. "The coffee is in
the top cupboard over the stove and the percolator is on the counter."
Fraser nodded and went to fix their coffee. He had just set it to brew,
when she returned, wearing green silk pajamas and a matching robe. There
wasn't anything overly erotic about her new attire, but it seemed
extremely intimate to Fraser and caused him to be even more nervous. She
swept past him, the sweet scent that was uniquely hers assailed his
senses. She didn't wear perfumes, she had informed him of that on the
train when he had tried to guess the heavenly scent that permitted from
her, and Fraser had been shocked that what he smelled was simply her. It
was so sweet, like the freshest lilacs of spring and had haunted Fraser
since. 
        "Do you have any sugar?" he asked, needing to say something and
lacking a better topic. She retrieved a small crystal sugar bowl and
matching creamer from the fridge. 
        "Would you like some chocolate chip cookies with it?" she
inquired, pulling a bag from her large pantry. 
        "Yes, thank you." Fraser wasn't a sweet eater, but he didn't want
to be rude, since she had offered. After a few moments the coffee was
ready and they carried the cups and the cookies to the living room on a
small tray. Thatcher pulled her bare feet up under the tail of her robe,
on the sofa, and sipped her coffee as she dunked a cookie. Fraser sat
rigidly in the matching chair, hardly touching his own brew. 
        "Fraser?" 
        "Sir?" Their eyes met and she forgot what she was going to say.
She tried again. 
        "Fraser..." 
        "Sir?" She glared at him. 
        "Stop saying Fraser every time I say Sir..." she flushed. "I..I
mean, stop saying Sir every time I say, Fraser,  Fraser." The Mountie
nodded, she had warned him of that before and he had forgotten. 
        "Yes, Sir." He agreed simply. Thatcher paused for a moment before
she spoke again. 
        "Fraser, " she hesitated and raised an eyebrow when he didn't
interrupt again, then nodded and continued.    "W..would you...I mean, I
feel we are...well, that we can speak to one another...beyond just...not
as merely superior and subordinate..." Fraser watched her quietly, knowing
she would get around to her question eventually, but his patient gaze only
made Thatcher more nervous. "What I mean is that..I ummm...believe we
have..well, become friends...perhaps not close friends, but friends just
the same and I..that is..." She released a frustrated breath, wishing the
Mountie could read her mind, like he seemed to in a pressing situation.
Why was it so hard for her to talk to him? "I..I was wondering if you
would like to talk, Fraser." 
        "Talk about, what, Sir?" he inquired curious. 
        "An...anything you like." She encouraged then waited while he
stared at her for a moment, sipped his coffee, glanced around the
apartment then raised his eyes to hers again. 
        "You have a beautiful apartment, Sir." He offered, for lack of
anything else to say. Thatcher gaped at him. She was giving him the chance
to talk to her about anything he wanted and he picked her apartment décor?
Was he insane? 
        "Thank you." She returned neutrally. "Is there anything else you
would like to discuss? We're just friends now, just Meg and Ben, no titles
so you can discuss anything...anything at all that you would like." Again
Fraser's gaze shifted about and he sipped his coffee, his mind searching
for an appropriate subject. He did want to talk, but what he wanted to
talk about could not be discussed with her, not only because she was his
superior officer, but he had feelings for her that were not suited to what
he had to say. He suddenly wished Ray were there. 
        "Ah...the dinner was quite good." He winced at her glare,
remembering he had already stated that earlier the evening. "I..I'm sorry
Sir...Meg, I...I am uncertain what it is you wish me to discuss. If you
could tell me the subject you prefer I would be better...." Thatcher
slammed her coffee down on the table and jumped from her seat. 
        "Never mind, Fraser!" she exclaimed exasperated as she paced
across the room to her patio doors, holding one hand to her forehead,
which was staring to throb. If he didn't want to confide in her, then
fine, she offered. But why didn't he want to confide in her? Was he so
hung up on their jobs that he couldn't see past her to being a woman and
his friend? Of course she had set those boundaries, but that was entirely
besides the point. She could tell he was hurting and she noticed the
weariness of his usually bright and alert eyes. She only wanted to help
him, why wouldn't he let her? 
    She turned back toward him and found he had not moved, he sat staring
down forlornly into his coffee, his usually perfect posture slightly more
slumped then before. She cursed herself for being harsh and returned to
kneel beside him, laying a gentle hand on his arm, surprised when he
flinched from her. He stared at her shocked, as though surprised by his
own reaction, then turned away ashamed. 
        "I'm sorry." he almost whispered, setting his coffee on the table,
s hands were suddenly trembling too much to hold it steady. 
        "Talk to me, Ben." She encouraged softly, refraining from touching
him again. He shook his head helplessly. 
        "I can't." he refused. "Please, Meg, don't ask me to...I simply
cannot discuss it with you." Thatcher tried to quell the hurt that pierced
her heart and as usual, the pain turned to anger as she rose and stalked
back to the sofa. 
        "I'm tired of you not being able to discuss things with me,
Fraser." She accused. "I thought we were beyond that. We've
shared...experiences. We've become much closer, or so I thought. If you
don't care enough about me or our...friendship to open up to me then..."
Fraser was kneeling beside her in an instant, taking her hand in both of
his and looking up at her with pleading eyes. 
        "Please, Meg." He requested softly. "Don't say that. I do care
about you..I care so..." He broke off, as though suddenly realizing what
he was about to reveal. He stumbled backwards and stood, turning away from
her for a brief moment as he gripped the back of the chair before him.
"It...it's because you are...because we are...friends, that I cannot tell
you what...certain things." Again those incredible blue eyes locked with
hers, drawing her into his heart and soul, willing her to understand. "I
don't mean to hurt you and I..I do respect and....honor our friendship,
but I simply cannot discuss this with you right know. I have not even
spoken to Ray about...these things." 
        That did shock Thatcher, he could tell by her expression that the
idea of him not even being able to confide in his partner and friend was
unbelievable. She rose and moved toward him, hesitantly. 
        "If you can't talk to detective Vecchio, and you can't talk to me,
who do you talk to, Fraser?" she demanded quietly, willing herself not to
reach out and touch him, even though every fiber of her being urged her to
do so. "You have to talk to someone. If you are worried I'll be shocked or
upset or even angry I assure you I won't." Unable to help herself, her
hand reached up to lay on his shoulder and she was relieved when he didn't
flinch a second time, from her touch. 
        Fraser glanced at her, then stared down at the white knuckles of
his hands, unaware he had been gripping the back of it so harshly. If he
talked to her, Ray would be hurt and she would be upset if he spoke with
Ray first. He loved them both and because of that he simply couldn't
confide his dark shame. He shook his head, he couldn't...there were simply
no words to explain how loathsome and afraid he felt. He felt her hand
moved to caress the back of his neck, offering a comforting, soothing
touch and he closed his eyes against it, willing himself to relax and
enjoy the contact that so rarely came from the woman he loved, but he
couldn't relax. The more she touched him, the softer her caress, the more
ashamed Fraser felt and his body stiffened uncomfortably. 
        Fraser had suspected it was because Ray was a man that he seemed
to recoil from contact with him, but Thatcher's touch was having the same
effect and he couldn't understand it. He loved her, he wanted to be with
her and touch her and have her touch him in return, have wanted it for a
long time, and now he could barely contain himself from running from the
room in fear. 
Unaware of the effect she was having on him, Thatcher boldly started to
wrap her arms around him from behind, intending only to offer him a
comforting embrace, but she was bewildered and aghast when he whimpered
low in his throat and tore away from her, grabbing his hat and coat and
striding for the door. 
        "What's wrong?" she asked confused as he pulled the door open. 
         "I have to go." He croaked and then left, without even a goodbye.
Thatcher stared after him. What had she done? 
  

        Fraser raised himself with trembling hands, up and over the
trellis toward the second story of the Vecchio household and tapped at the
window above him. After a moment, the window opened and Francesca Vecchio,
in the sheer, blue baby doll, peered out. She grinned and offered her hand
to help him through. 
        "Jeeze, Frase." She gushed. "If I'd known you were gonna do this I
woulda left my makeup on." Fraser stepped away from her the moment he was
safely inside, avoiding the generous amount of exposed flesh and by
staring at the large king sized bed that stood in the middle of the room. 
        "I...I...I was looking for Ray." He explained, noticing that he
was in his partner's room, just that his partner didn't appear to be
sleeping in it. "I..I didn't mean to disturb you...or anyone by coming to
the door." She smiled and stepped closer, her cat that ate the canary
expression evident of how pleased she was for his visit. He held up a hand
toward her, he did not have the strength to deal with her right now.
"Please, Francesca, just..tell me where Ray is?" She pouted prettily. 
        "I'm much better company, Benton." She assured seductively placing
a hand on his chest. 
        "Don't touch me!" he screamed at her, shoving her away from him,
causing her to stumble and fall to her knees. Fraser stared at her in
dismay and rushed to help her up, only to have her push him away angrily. 
        "Who do you think you are?" she demanded furious. "You slip into
my room late at night like some Don Juan then smack me around when I offer
what you came for?" 
        "Francesca, please." He stammered appalled. "I...I..I came to see
Ray. I...I didn't know...please..I would never hurt you I...I didn't mean
to..." 
        "Sure." She scoffed folding her arms around her protectively.
"That's what the Pig I was married to used to say...I'm sorry Frannie. I
won't do it again Frannie...please forgive me Frannie." She regretted her
harsh words immediately, as she watched Fraser turn ashen, after all, it
was more her pride that was hurt more than anything, she hadn't meant to
get so angry but her temper left the dock without her once again. She
dropped her arms and stepped toward him. "I..I;m sorry Fraser I..." He
backed away, stumbling against the bureau, as though he hadn't heard her
apology. 
        "Dear God!" he whispered in disbelief. "I'm s...so sorry
F..Frannie I never...I..please don't....be a..angry I.." Francesca stepped
up and enveloped him in her arms, felt him stiffen immediately and a small
bit of fear caused her to step away. Whatever the reason for Fraser
shoving her, she didn't want t a repeat performance, she could see he
wasn't himself. Ray suddenly burst in, wearing only his pajamas and
holding his gun. 
        "What the hell?" he demanded. "Fraser, what are you doin' in here
with my sister?" Fraser could only look at him and shake his head,
somewhere he had lost the ability to speak. Ray glared at Francesca.
"What's going on damnit?" 
        Francesca quickly explained as Fraser hovered in the corner. This
had all gone so wrong. He only wanted to see Ray, had needed to see him
after he had left Thatcher's and now he was in a seriously damning
situation. Mrs. Vecchio and Tony wandered in to the room, but Fraser
didn't even register their presence, his eyes focused solely on his
partner, as Ray told them all to go back to bed and for Frannie to go
downstairs or go sleep with Ma. Would this be the end of their friendship?
Would Ray ever believe Fraser's intentions were completely honorable? Ray
closed the door and set his pistol on the nearby dresser, then turned to
Fraser, his eyes still held some of his anger, but there was also
forgiveness in them and Fraser sighed with relief. 
        "I..I didn't know she would be in here, Ray." He explained
quickly. "I swear I was just coming to see you." 
        "Never heard of a front door, Benny?" demanded Ray sarcastically
and Fraser's head dropped ashamed. 
        "I..I didn't want to wake anyone else, Ray." He said quietly.
"It's late and I knew they would be asleep." Ray thought on that for a
moment then finally nodded, deciding to believe the story. "W..why was
Francesca sleeping in your room, Ray?" 
        "Her's is bein' painted and the fumes don't bother me as much so
we traded." He replied with a smirk.  "Guess I didn't plan ahead for a
nightly visit Fraser." Fraser dropped to Ray's bed, all his energy
suddenly sapped and Ray had to bite back a grin. He could imagine poor
Fraser's reaction when he climbed into the room and found Frannie in that
ridiculously revealing baby doll, Ray was surprised the Mountie hadn't
started to hyperventilate or had a heart attack. He walked over and sat
behind his friend. "Why ya here, Benny?" Fraser lifted his head to stare
at his friend, then swallowed a few times before speaking. 
        "Something is terribly wrong with me, Ray." He revealed huskily.
"I...I can't seem to...I went with Inspector Thatcher tonight and
afterwards we had coffee at her place." Ray refrained from making his
usual forward remarks, sensing that now was not the time to tease the
Mountie. "S..she was just....It was her hand...on my neck...I..she was
just trying to be kind and I...She t..tried to hug me and I lost it." 
        "What do ya mean lost it, Fraser?" Ray asked carefully, distraught
to see his usually composed and calm friend shaking like a leaf beside him
and having difficulty staying with coherent sentences. 
        "I..I ran away. I..I had to get out of there, Ray." He stated
forlornly. "I..I can't understand....just then when....Francesca she...she
just touched me and I...Oh God! Ray, I..I pushed her Ray! I..I screamed at
her and I pushed her and she fell and..." Ray swallowed his anger as
Fraser hid his face in his hands, now was not the time to blow up at him
for hurting his little sister, besides, Francesca looked fine, angry
maybe, but not hurt when he had burst in. It was the screaming and the
angry voice of his sister that had brought him to the room in he first
place. He could imagine that Fraser was hating himself for what he had
dine, there was no need for Ray to add to those feelings. 
        "It's okay, Fraser." He assured, wishing there wasn't so much
anger in his own voice, but he was Italian and it was hard to just turn it
off once it had broken the surface. 
        "I didn't mean to hurt her, Ray!" declared Fraser through his
hands. "I swear I would never hurt Francesca I never meant to do
that..I..I don't know what is wrong with me." Ray knew what was wrong with
him, making Fraser face up to that was another problem entirely. Fraser
was still in the denial stage, that Ray had witnessed so many times before
in rape victims. He was blaming himself for all that had happened, he was
filling himself with self doubt and shame, afraid that if anyone knew what
he had done, what had happened to him he would be considered a freak, an
outsider and those he loved most would turn on him. Ray took a deep
breath, he had never intended to tell this story to anyone, especially
Fraser who was so naive and trusting most of the time. But the Mountie was
no longer and so Ray needed him to understand that he wasn't alone. 
        "Benny, I need ya to listen to me okay, don't interrupt and try
not to look at me while I'm talkin or I won't be able to finish, okay?"
Fraser glanced at him, dropping his hands to rest on his knees, then
nodded and looked away, respecting his friend's request. Another deep
breath then Ray Vecchio began his tale. "When I was seventeen I was a
bad-assed gangster wanna be, or at least I used to think I was. Me and
Zuko used to hang out a lot and he was into some serious shit, like his
old man. I really dug his sister so I stayed around him, we sorta grew up
together. We were both punks, we both liked to cause trouble and we both
had bad reputations around the neighborhood. Anyway, this one day..." Ray
paused, as though reluctantly dredging the long suppressed memories from
deep inside him. "Frankie had this idea to go into a gang territory, that
we both knew better than to be around, but he wanted to prove he was as
tough as his old man, so I  went with him. It was stupid and I swear
I...." Again he broke off, then started again, his voice slightly gruff
and Fraser almost had to strain to hear him, although the anger in his
tone reached the Mountie clearly. "We got ambushed by this gang, just
about three or four of 'em, but I knew Frankie and me could take 'em, I
mean we knew how ta fight and they were only a little older than us. But
the tough man took off, to scared to fight and left me alone...with these
other guys." Ray suddenly rose, unable to stay still any longer, and
Fraser forced himself not to follow him with his eyes, keeping them glued
instead to the floor by his feet. "Zuko always was a coward and still is."
Fraser could hear the hatred in Ray's voice as he continued. "I figured
the worst that would happen is I'd go down fighting, y'know, I could take
a beating, hell my old man gave some of the best, but beatin' on me wasn't
what they had in mind, Fraser. They raped me. All four of them took turns
raping me and I couldn't do a damn thing to stop them." 
         Fraser's hands clenched at his knees as he struggled to hold back
his tears. Poor Ray, God he'd been so young so...helpless. How could those
bastards do that to him? How could he have possibly survived such an
ordeal? How dare they? That was so sick, that was horrendous. How could
they have hurt Ray so badly for no reason other than to...He glanced up
and found Ray, kneeling beside him, watching him carefully. He immediately
averted his eyes, afraid of what they would reveal, but Ray caught his
chin and forced him to meet his gaze. 
        "Ray, please..." he whimpered, he didn't have the right to look at
Ray, didn't have the ability to communicate his shame for himself and his
anger at those who had hurt his partner. Ray held him fast, refusing to
let him break the link. 
        "What yer feelin' right now, Benny." He stated quietly. "That's
how I feel...what I was feelin' when I came ta see ya that first time in
jail." Fraser's eyes widened, Ray had known then? But he hadn't revealed a
thing to him, he'd said nothing at all. "What I felt at the hospital when
I saw what those bastards did to ya." His gaze narrowed slightly as the
pad of his thumb caressed at the mussel that was jumping furiously in
Fraser's jaw. "What I feel when you flinch from my touch and won't talk ta
me. I'm here, Benny and I understand. Talk ta me. Let me inside, don't
shut me out, please?" 
        Fraser saw the wetness in his partner's eyes, mirroring his own
tears, but he stiffened as Ray's arms came around him. He tried to breath,
tried to calm himself, it's just Ray. He repeated it to himself over and
over, it's just Ray, Ray is my friend, he wouldn't hurt you. But he left
you there! A voice inside him screamed. He let them do this to you. He
didn't come and get you out like he promised. He wasn't there! He
abandoned you. No! Ray is my friend. Ray loves me. Ray would never...He
knows you enjoyed it. He probably laughed the whole time at the thought of
you getting it up the ass, his straight as an arrow partner being screwed
by two convicts. 
        Fraser tried to push Ray away, his panic giving way to fear and
anger. He hated those men. He hated being in jail. He hated having no
control. He hated Ray... for not coming, for not saving him sooner. Ray
held on to him, he didn't know how he did, but he maintained his hold on
the thrashing Mountie that lay beneath him. They wrestled on the bed, but
Ray wouldn't give up his hold, knowing Fraser had to get past the panic of
being touched or he would never live a normal life. Fraser threatened,
pleaded demanded and cursed the Italian, but Ray stayed with him until
they were both half sprawled on the bed, Ray pinning him to the mattress
with every ounce of his strength, Fraser bucking wildly to get him off. 
        "Fight it, Fraser!" he demanded, his voice much louder than he had
intended due to his own fear and exertions. "Let it go. Get mad. Get
angry, let it out!" He heard a gasp  from the doorway and saw Francesca
staring at them from the doorway, her hand covered her mouth in fright.
"Get outta here, Frannie!" She scurried away, slamming the door closed, as
Fraser used Ray's distraction to catch him across the jaw, landing the
detective soundly to the floor on the other side of the bed. Fraser leapt
from the bed, but Ray was up and grasping for him in seconds. They fell to
the floor in a loud thump and Fraser suddenly managed to get on top of Ray
and was choking him, his clear blue eyes turning bright with hysteria. Ray
coughed and tried to pry his partner's hands from around his throat. He
should have known the Mountie would get the better of him, but it was
worth a shot. 
        "B..benny! It's Ray!" he wheezed, trying to force his way past the
fear and hate that ruled  over the Canadian. "F..Fraser..please..y..yer
killin' me." Somehow that got through and Fraser's hands loosened. He
coughed some more, grateful for the oxygen that was now available and
would keep his brain from turning to mush. He offered the shocked Mountie
a weak smile. "Why's it always got ta be the hard way with you, Benny?"
Somehow, Ray sensed he had said the wrong thing, as he watched Fraser's
eyes cloud over in a terrified defeat that Ray hoped he would never ever
see again, and watched fascinated as Fraser, still straddling him, bent
and took possession of his mouth. Ray was too shocked to move at first,
what he hell was he doing? He didn't want to send Fraser over the edge
again, so although he detested it, he allowed the kiss to continue, until
Fraser finally raised his head. 
        "We'll do it the easy way." He decided, in a voice so child like
it was almost like he was in a trance.          "Please not the hard way,
Tony, I can't....it hurts so much the hard way..." Ray gaped at him as he
realized what he was saying and what had triggered the strange reaction. 
        "No, Benny." Ray whispered softly, gently pushing the Mountie off
of him, then pulling him into his embrace again as they sat near the open
window. "Neither way, Benny. Never again will we do that, okay?" Fraser
rested his head on Ray's shoulder, allowing the other man to rock him
gently. 
        "Okay." He responded in that same child's voice and Ray struggled
with the tears if anger and frustration that threatened to overwhelm him. 
        "Just you and me, Benny." He promised soothingly. "No one else
will ever hurt you again. Ray is here, I'll protect you." Ray, thought
Fraser dreamily. Ray would protect him. Ray was his friend. He closed his
eyes   and thanked God for Ray Vecchio. 
  

        Ray stepped out of the shower and pulled a towel around his waist
as he used another to dry off with. He could see and feel the makings of
bruises all over his body and he was so sore he could barely move this
morning. Fraser was entirely too strong for one man to be, especially when
he was as crazed as he was last night. Knowing the Mountie would feel
guilty over Ray's minor injuries he quickly dressed in his lavender dress
shirt and dark suit, that he would wear to work, that way Fraser wouldn't
see the bruises Except for the one on his jaw, there wasn't much Ray
could  do about that. He suspected Fraser would have some bruises as well
that he would be hiding from Ray and the detective had to laugh at the
whole thing. As close as they were, they were always afraid to show the
other when they were hurt. 
He wandered back into his bedroom and found that Fraser was still in the
process of dressing, then the Mountie turned as he fastened his last
buckle on his tunic. He glanced over the bruise on Ray's chin, as the
detective pulled a tie from his wardrobe, and Fraser felt shame course
through him as he averted his eyes. Ray sensed his partner's appraisal. 
        "Forget about it, Benny." He told him firmly as he knotted his
tie. "We'll all be better this morning." Fraser watched him pull the tie
loose and start again, grumbling about clip-ons. After only a brief
hesitation, Fraser walked up and stood in front of him, taking the
offending garment in his deft fingers and quickly knotting the perfect
tie. Ray smiled at him, Fraser smiled back, and then Ray pulled him into a
quick, brotherly embrace, sighing when Fraser didn't pull away. "Good ta
have ya back, Benny." He whispered, releasing him. 
        "Thank you kindly, Ray." Returned Fraser sincerely as Francesca
screamed upstairs that breakfast was ready. Ray turned toward the door,
Fraser moved to the window, slid it open, and threw a leg out. 
        "Where the hell are you goin'?" Ray demanded grinning. 
        "I..ah..I think I'll just go out this way, Ray." Fraser muttered,
only to have his friend haul him back inside laughing. 
        "If you think I'm gonna go down there alone, without you, to face
Ma, yer outta yer tree, Fraser." 
        "Ray!" declared Fraser worriedly. "I can't go down there.
Francesca...I was horrible to her." Ray pulled the window shut. 
        "I explained things to Frannie." He stated calmly and watched
Fraser's eyes light up anxiously. "Not that part, just what she needed to
understand. I also made her aware of the dangers of throwing herself
repeatedly at a burning stove, she's gonna get burned sooner or later." 
        "Oh, Ray." Fraser admonished. "That wasn't very nice at all.
She'll think she did something wrong and it was I..." 
        "She'll consider it for all of two maybe three days, Fraser," he
insisted. "If that, then she'll be back to her old self and hangin' all
over ya again. Trust me I know my sister." He grabbed Fraser's arm.
"Com'on, I'm starvin' and we gotta get to work." Fraser stiffened as they
left the room. "What now?" 
        "Inspector Thatcher, Ray." He reminded fearfully. "I was dreadful
to her. What will she think of me? What should I do?" Ray grinned
wickedly. 
        "She'll pretend ta hate ya, like she always does, you'll pretend
to jump through hoops and be the epitome of a loyal subordinate and the
sexual tension between you will rise to the boiling point, what else?"
Fraser glared at his partner's departing back, then allowed the small
smile to form on his lips. Some things never change. He hurried to catch
up. 
        "Ray?" 
        "Yah, Benny?" 
        "I...I have an appointment today." Fraser stopped and caressed his
right brow.  "With the ...person you recommended. I..I was wondering..." 
        "I'll pick ya up at three, Benny." Confirmed Ray, continuing down
the stairs. "Betty's pretty cool, she'll let me stay if you want." Ray
glanced back and saw such gratitude in Fraser's eyes he was almost
overcome with emotion as he swallowed the lump that had risen in is
throat. 
        "Thank you kindly, Ray." Returned Fraser with a gentle smile. 
        "That's what friend's are for, Benny." Dismissed Ray as they
entered the kitchen and were bombarded by the rest of the Vecchio house
hold 

  
The End