Body    'Waiting in the Twilight' By: zzzaney 

This is a continuation of Call of the Raven. It's the fifth chapter in the
Ben and Analise saga. 

Rating: I am giving this an NC-17 rating. An R rated version will be
available for those of you who prefer to read it. Just e-mail me. 

Comments are always welcome, and appreciated. 

zzzaney@att.net  

Ben trudged through the knee deep snow wishing for the hundredth time he
didn't have to leave the dogsled behind. After two days of hard driving,
the dogs were too exhausted to go any further. Feeling time slipping away
from him, he decided to keep moving on foot. 

Bad weather had forced the small plane he was in to land in Yellowknife
instead of Inuvik, costing him dearly. When was the last time he stopped
to rest? He asked himself. It was probably at the church yesterday
afternoon. His thoughts turned inward.	

The moment Ben's plane landed, he called Chicago to get new supplies
approved. Meg had informed him Victoria had been seen entering a church,
and Ben didn't have to hear her tell him the name of the town it was in,
to know which church she had been at. He also wasn't surprised when she
told him Victoria disappeared before the authorities could apprehend her. 

"And Robert?" Ben's heart pounded in his chest waiting for the reply. 

"I'm sorry Ben, he wasn't with her." Panic coursed through him and tears
stung his eyes. 

"Ben?....Ben are you there?" 

He finally managed to find his voice. "Does Analise know yet?" 

"No, we felt it was for the best not to tell her." 

"Thank you." 

When Ben had reached the town, he checked in with the local authorities to
see if there were any updates, knowing there wouldn't be. He knew if she
was seen, it's because she wanted to be seen. Afterwards, he went to the
church to talk to the minister. Unfortunately the man couldn't offer Ben
any additional information, but did insist that he rest for a little while
and made sure Ben ate. 

By late afternoon Ben was on his way again and traveled through the night
only stopping for about three hours near dawn. He deduced she was
retracing the steps they took some 14 years earlier back to where this all
began. 

Ben shook himself back to the present, trying to keep his mind focused. If
he could just stave off his fatigue, he would be able to make it to the
cabin by nightfall and to the Pass the next day. 

As the hours slowly passed, Ben's mind kept drifting to Victoria and
Robert. Where was he when she went into the town? Was she comforting him
when he cried? Did she feed him? Ben refused to think that he may already
be gone. NO! He would get there on time, he had to! Ben had promised
Analise he would bring their baby home. What he didn't tell her was the
promise he made to himself. Ben had no intention of returning home until
he brought her in and by God, if he had to hunt her to the ends of the
earth to do it, he would. 

*********** 

For the past few hours I had been sitting on the porch swing in front of
the Vecchio's house. Over the past two days I had been unable to sleep,
hardly ate, and could barely bring myself to care for Jacinda, sick as I
was with worry. 

I couldn't stand the thought of Ben being out there with a woman who was
trying to destroy him, and using our baby as bait. 

That was it! I wouldn't stand for it another minute. I went into the house
and called for Ray and Stan. They rushed into the foyer along with Maria
and Ma. 

"What's wrong?" Ray was breathless, apparently he was in the shower at the
time from the looks of things. He had a towel wrapped around him and was
dripping water onto the floor. 

"Nothing Ray. Sorry about your shower, but something is finally right! I'm
going up there!" 

"What?" 

"You heard me. Maria, will you drive me home so I can pack?" 

"Yeah sure but..." 

"Great!" I turned to get my keys and purse. 

"Now wait just a minute! You can't go traipsing off to Canada! We promised
Fraser we'd keep you safe. Going up there with Victoria loose isn't safe!"
Stan interjected. 

"Well, if you don't go with me, you won't be able to keep an eye on me.
Now I'm going. Stay here if you want to." 

I saw the look on their faces change as they realized they'd be able to do
something about Victoria and help Ben too. 

As far as I was concerned, the conversation was over and I went to the
phone to call Meg. After some arguing, I finally convinced her to use her
'pull' to get us the first flight out. Within three hours we were on our
way. 'Hold on Ben, just hold on.' I thought to myself. 

 **************** 

By the time Ben reached the cabin, he was exhausted more than he could
ever remember being. Looking around, he dropped his pack on the table and
wandered into the new rooms. As a surprise for Analise, Ben had arranged
for Eric to install the hardware and everything was complete. The bathroom
was installed and heaters were in the new bedrooms. He thought the next
time he would see the cabin would be when he brought his family here to
live. Not even bothering to start a fire, Ben collapsed onto the cot and
within minutes was fast asleep. 

 

Ben felt arms wrap around him and light kisses on his neck, stirring him
awake. He pulled the body closer to him drawing comfort from it. Inhaling
deeply, an unfamiliar smell assaulted his senses and he awoke fully with a
gasp. 

Looking down, he saw Victoria lying on the cot, starting up at him.
Quicker than anyone would think possible, he flipped on top of her as his
hands found her throat. 

"Where is he?" Ben demanded "where's my son?" Anger and rage welled inside
of him as he squeezed the life out of her. Victoria's eyes grew wide as
she struggled to breath. She tried to speak but no sound would come out.  

Finally, the rush of blood pounding in his ears subsided and Ben let go.
As much as he hated this woman, he wasn't a murderer. Victoria rolled off
the bed, taking in ragged breaths of air. She was hunkered on the floor,
holding her throat and looking warily up at him. 

After Victoria's breathing had returned somewhat to normal, Ben picked her
up by the lapels on her coat and threw her against the wall, pinning her
in place. 

"I'm only going to ask this one more time, where is my son?" His voice was
deceptively calm. 

Victoria glared at him "let go of me" 

Ben studied her for a moment and then jerked back as if he'd been burned,
which caused Victoria to smile. She had the upper hand again and they both
knew it. 

"Now that wasn't so bad was it?" She slowly moved closer to him, swaying
seductively. 

Ben tried to school his features, he didn't want her to see the panic and
fear he felt for Robert. 

"We can still be together Ben, we can make our own family. I'll forgive
you for leaving me." 

When she reached up to touch him placing her hand on his chest, Ben felt
repulsed. He grabbed her hand and flung it off him. The look in her eyes
hardened.  

"Give me what I want Ben." She replaced her hand running it up to his neck
and then down to his stomach. 

"What have you done with Robert?" 

"If you give me what I want, I'll take you to him. If not... Well, the
temperature is dropping and I don't know how vicious the animals are up
north here...." 

Ben resisted the urge to hit her. He knew she had him. His mind raced as
he tried to find a solution. If he arrested her, or didn't do exactly what
she wanted, she would refuse to show him where Robert was. Sure he could
retrace her steps, but that could take more time than Robert had. Knowing
that was a chance he couldn't take, the best thing he could do would be to
go along with her for now. 

"What do you want Victoria?" 

"I told you Ben, I want you." She reached up to kiss him, pulling his head
down roughly. Although he had no choice for the moment, he wasn't going to
willingly help her. When she pulled back, anger flashed in her eyes. 

"Take your shirt off" she demanded. Ben stood there, with a passive look
on his face, but his eyes reflected the hatred he felt for her. 

"I said take it off!" Fighting back the bile that rose in his throat, he
fumbled with the buttons. She smiled again and watched hungrily as he slid
it off his shoulders. 

"Now your undershirt." 

No sooner was it off, did Victoria start running her hands over his chest
and took one of his nipples into her mouth. Ben squeezed his eyes shut,
trying to block out her movements. As Victoria pushed him back onto the
cot and started to unbuckle his pants, Ben turned his mind inward,
thinking back to when he and Analise shared something beautiful in this
very cabin. 

Freeing him, Victoria let out a moan and rubbed herself against him. As
suddenly as she started though, she stopped and looked down at him. 

"Undress me" she ordered. "Like you did the first time we made love." 

Ben's eyes flew open and he stared at her. She slid the heavy coat off her
shoulders and looked down at him, waiting. Growing impatient, she reached
down and took his hand placing it on her breast.  

"Now that's not so bad, is it?" She crooned. 

Ben still hadn't made a move to remove her clothes, but she didn't seem to
notice. She pulled her shirt off, followed quickly by her bra. Smiling at
him, Victoria started to kiss his lips, then moved down to his neck and
chest. Ben did his best not to respond in anyway to her. The mere thought
of her touching him, gave him an overwhelming need to vomit. Now she was
only inches away from taking him into her mouth. 

"NO!" Ben forcibly pushed her off him. He wouldn't do it. He couldn't. Ben
was not going to forsake his vows to Analise. He would just have to force
her to show him where Robert was.  

Victoria glared at him. "You just made a big mistake." 

Ben didn't reply as he fixed himself and bent to retrieve his shirts from
where they fell. A movement from his right caught Ben's eye. He twisted
around swiftly but didn't have time to deflect the blow that felled him. 

Ben hit the floor hard and struggled to turn over onto his back. The last
thing he saw was Victoria leaning over him. 

"You just killed your son Ben." 

He tried reaching up to stop her as his world turned black. 

Victoria smiled smugly down at the prone form. She'd show him. For
fourteen years she had loved and hated him. Her thoughts constantly
invaded by him. When he let her go that night at the train station, she
had never felt happier. He was coming with her. He even took a bullet for
her so she cold get away. Of course he still loved her! The years she had
waited for him since then had been excruciating, but finally she was able
to come back for him only to find him with another woman! 'She probably
got pregnant on purpose to trap him. Well I'll take care of that soon
enough.' 

Victoria tossed the cast iron skillet she was still holding onto the cot
and sat down on the floor beside Ben, running her hands over his chest
again. Yes, once she got rid of that woman and her spawn, Ben would come
back to her. She unzipped his jeans again and pulled them, along with his
boxers, down to his knees. Cupping him gently, she thought of how good he
will feel inside her when they make love again. She fondled him for a few
minutes, then slowly bent to take him into her mouth. Although there was
no response from the unconscious man, Victoria continued to pleasure
herself none the less. 

************* 

The trip seemed to take forever and finally our pilot announced that we
would be landing in Inuvik within the next fifteen minutes. I looked over
at Stan and Ray. For most of the ride, none of us spoke, lost in our own
thoughts. I was surprised that Ray hadn't even complained about the trip
this time.  

When we touched down, it was near midnight and to our surprise, we found
Maggie and Buck waiting for us in the hanger. 

"Maggie! What are you doing here?" I asked as she gave me a big hug. 

"Meg called to let us know about this crazy idea you have. Analise, we
have every available officer out looking for her and Robert. We will find
them, don't go risking your life too!" She said as a way of hello. 

"Maggie, I just can't sit around and wait. It's killing me. Ben said he
thinks she's heading up to Fortitude Pass. He is going to need my
help...our help." I corrected myself. I fought my misgivings back down and
picked up my bag, hoping she wouldn't give me an argument. I didn't have
the energy left to fight back anymore. 

Buck stepped up and taking the bag from me, placed his arm around my
shoulders and guided me to the jeep. 

"Where are we going?" I asked after we drove a few minutes. Maggie looked
over at Stan before answering. 

"We're going to the Inuvik RCMP detachment. Arrangements have been made
for all of us to stay in the barracks tonight." 

"No! We need to keep moving. It will be too late!" I leaned over the front
seat. "Buck please, we have to keep going!" I implored. He glanced over at
me and I saw sorrow in his eyes, but he kept driving straight ahead. 

Ray wrapped his arm around me, pulling me back into the seat. "We'll start
out first thing in the morning. I promise." 

Stan squeezed my hand and exchanged looks with Maggie. When we reached the
detachment, surprisingly enough we were met by about twenty officers.
Apparently, exhausted as they were from the long hours of searching, they
wanted to tell us personally that they were doing their best to find
Robert." 

I tried not to cry at their show of compassion, and managed to whisper a
thank you. Maggie then ushered us to the Barracks where bunks were set up
for us. Thankfully they left me to my thoughts for a little bit, giving
some excuse about finding a canteen. 

After dropping my bag, I wandered out the back door grateful to find no
one around. I walked over to a snow covered field and looked up into the
twilight. The northern lights were dancing across the sky and I allowed
myself to release all of the emotions I had been holding inside. 

 

 

Maggie quietly shut the barracks door and looked over at Buck, Stan and
Ray. When they had first returned to find the room empty, they thought the
worst, that Analise had left on her own to find Ben. Relieved that she
hadn't gone any further, they decided to give her some time to herself. 

"Does she know yet?" Maggie asked. 

Ray shook his head no. "Benny didn't want her to." 

"We won't be able to keep it from her for long." Buck added "but the men
have been instructed not to mention it." 

"Look, just because Victoria doesn't have the baby with her, doesn't mean
she killed him already. She could have stashed him somewhere before
heading into town. That way she wouldn't draw as much attention to
herself." Stan said, but when he saw Maggie's face, he kicked himself for
not thinking before he spoke.  

"I'm sorry Maggie, I didn't mean...." 

"It's all right, we are all hoping for the best. So far none of the
searches have turned up a....body....so that's a good sign." Her voice
choked as she thought of her nephew possibly being gone. 

"We better get some shut eye. Analise is going to want to leave at first
light." Buck said as he headed towards his bunk. He had been searching
just as hard as everyone else, but he wasn't as young as he used to be,
and the late hour had taken it's toll. 

"You coming?" Stan asked Maggie. 

She shook her head no. "I think I'm going to talk with Analise first." 

Stan squeezed her hand and kissed her cheek. He waited until she shut the
door before heading to his own bed. 

 

I was lying on the ground looking at the night sky. Hearing footsteps, I
didn't bother to turn my head, knowing eventually someone was bound to
come out. 

"Analise? What are you doing?" I glanced over at Maggie and then back into
the twilight. 

"Waiting" 

She sat down beside me, picking at a few weeds that had managed to grow
despite the snow and harsh conditions. Neither of us spoke for a few
minutes, then Maggie started talking softly. 

"Ben will find him, he knows this area better than anyone." I let her
words sink in before replying. 

"I'm scared Maggie. I'm scared she's going to kill both of them." 

"Ben promised you he'd bring Robert back, didn't he?" 

Nodding my head, I looked at her, really looked at her for the first time
and saw the dark circles under her eyes, and the hollow look on her face.
'She must not have gotten any rest either since all this started.' 

"Come on" I said standing up, brushing the snow off me. "Let's get some
sleep." 

I helped her up and we headed towards the barracks. When I reached for the
door, I realized Maggie wasn't beside me. 

"What's wrong?" I asked looking back at her. 

She jumped slightly "nothing. I'll be along in a minute. I just want to
check in at headquarters one more time." 

"I'll go with you." I said walking towards her. 

"You need to get some rest, you look like you haven't slept in days." 

"And you have?" I asked sarcastically. 

She gave me an exasperated sigh and smiled slightly as we headed towards
the office. 

"Constable, what are you doing here?" The night sergeant asked. Maggie
smiled at him. Everyone had been very supportive these past few days, even
insisting she take some time off. She insisted she'd rather stay and help
with the investigation. Maggie needed to do something, anything. At first
she was planning to convince her brother to let her go along, or at least
trail him. When his plane was diverted though, she didn't even have a
chance to talk to him. Then when she found out Victoria was spotted
without her nephew, she spent every spare moment organizing search parties
to comb the area around the town, extending outward. 

"Sergeant, I'd like you to meet my sister in law, Analise Fraser. Analise,
this is Sergeant Peterson." 

His demeanor became formal and he held out his hand. "It's an honor to
meet you ma'am. We are all doing our best to make sure your son is
returned to you safely." 

I shook his hand and managed a weak smile. "Thank you." 

Maggie led me through the door to the main room and I saw two men working
over a table. They looked up when we entered.  

"Mackenzie, don't you ever sleep?" The blond headed man lightly joked with
her. 

"Very funny, Toomey. Any new developments?" 

His smile faded "not yet." 

Maggie motioned for me to follow her to the table. There was a map laid
out with sections tabbed with pins, and markers. I listened as Maggie was
filled in by the second man. He was younger, about 25 or so. 

"Those are the latest sections we've combed Constable," he said as he
pointed to a colored section of the map "and that takes us to a 30
kilometer area out from the town." 

I was confused. "Why are you guys looking there? She's on her way to
Fortitude Pass." 

The three Mounties exchanges looks and Maggie paled slightly. 

"We do have patrols combing the area around the Pass Analise, we just want
to check to see if she left any clues behind." 

I looked back down at the map with all the different colored pins for each
team. It seemed odd that there would be so many teams out there. I frowned
and Maggie put her arm around me, steering me back to the door. 

"It's late and we had better turn in so we can be up early in the
morning." 

I saw her look back at the guys one more time and allowed her to lead me
out of the room. 

*************** 

Ben reached up to hold his head as a sharp pain shot across his temple. He
was cold and slowly, he came to realize he was lying on the hardwood floor
of the cabin. Opening his eyes, he could barely see in the dim light given
off by the lantern. Mentally, he noted it was almost out of oil.
Remembering Victoria, he looked around and struggled to sit up. It was
only then he realized his pants were bunched around his lower legs. 

Disbelief and horror overtook him as he looked down at himself. There were
bite marks near his groin, and at least three of what Analise would call
'hickeys'. What all had she done to him? Ben moved to pull his pants up
and winced. His member was extremely sore. He barely managed to open the
cabin door and lean over the porch before vomiting. Every time he thought
he was finished, he would imaging her doing those things to him and the
heaving would start again. 

Ben finally slumped on the porch resting his head on his arms. The events
of the past few days played in his mind, and with this....attack...he
couldn't hold his emotions in check any longer. Everything came pouring
out and his agony pierced the silence of the night. 

The coldness of the air eventually brought Ben back and he forced himself
to open his eyes. The full moon glistening off the snow allowed Ben to
notice three sets of footprints. One he recognized as his and immediately
dismissed them, the other two had to belong to Victoria. His eyes followed
the trail to and from the barn! Each movement brought pain to his head and
groin, but Ben ignored it as he staggered into the cabin to find his
clothes. 

He followed the trail to the barn and with gun drawn, listened outside the
door. When no sounds became apparent, he eased the door open and let out a
breath. Empty. Digging into his pocket, Ben pulled out a flashlight and
swept it across the barn. Near the far corner of the cold dark structure,
something white caught Ben's eye and he made a bee line for it. 

Tears of relief fell from his eyes. It was a diaper. A soiled diaper to be
exact. He was alive. His son was still alive. A lump formed in his throat
as Ben realized he had been alone in the barn the entire time Victoria was
in the cabin! His thoughts turned darker. 'The entire time I allowed her
to touch me. If only I would have never given in to her, she would be
apprehended, and my son would be safe.' Suddenly Ben remembered Victoria's
words. 'You just killed your son.' How could he ever live with himself? 

The back door to the barn was ajar, and shining the light, Ben could
clearly see where her footprints ended and tracks of a snow mobile began.
He turned off the flashlight, and after his eyes adjusted to the
moonlight, headed off in the same direction. 

************* 

"Wake up! Analise wake up!" 

I felt someone shaking me vigorously and screamed as my eyes flew open to
see four concerned faces staring down at me. 

"Wha..what's going on?" I asked shakily. 

"You were having a nightmare." Ray spoke gently. 

I looked out the window to see a faint sliver of light cut across the
pre-dawn sky. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake everyone." 

"Don't worry about it. We couldn't sleep anyway." 

I ran my hands over my face and pulled back the covers. 

"Why don't you try and get some more sleep?" Maggie asked.  

I shook my head no. I didn't know which was worse, the nightmares where I
see my baby dead, or the daytime where I don't know. 

"That's all right. Don't let me keep you up though." I added quickly. 

Everyone looked at each other and started to get ready for the day. 

I grabbed a quick shower, and after throwing on some clothes, made a quick
phone call and walked out to the field again. The sunrise was spectacular
from here, but I paid it little mind. Somehow, I couldn't shake the
feeling that something really terrible had happened. And what was all that
last night with the map? I was determined to get some answers before the
day was through. 

"Analise?" 

I jumped, not hearing anyone approach. "Oh! You scared me Stan." "Sorry, I
didn't mean to. I thought you might like some breakfast." He held out a
plate to me with eggs, toast, banana slices and bacon. 

I shook my head "I'm not hungry, thanks anyway."  

"Look, you gotta eat. I haven't seen you eat even a whole plateful of food
in the last three days. You can't keep going like this. You need to keep
your strength up. And what about Robert?" 

I spun around to look at him "What do you mean 'what about Robert'?" My
voice rose in defense. 

"I mean, when Fraser finds him, he's gonna need to be fed." Stan got a
rosy hue to his face as he made accompanying hand gestures. "You need to
keep your strength up for him." 

I looked away as I thought about what he said for a minute. The plate of
food appeared under my nose and glancing at him I took it, which caused a
big smile to form on his face. 

*** 

Ray was arguing with Buck and Maggie when Stan and I entered the room. 

"I don't care. I am not riding in a dogsled." 

"It is the most reliable form of transportation." Buck replied trying to
reason with him. 

Ray crossed his arms over his chest and glared back. 

"Why don't we leave it up to Analise?" Maggie suggested. She had been
listening to the both of them arguing for the last half hour and neither
one was budging. 

They both stopped bickering and looked over at me.  

"Analise, I want to take snow mobiles. They're faster, and they don't
smell. Buck on the other hand, wants to take dog sleds. It's up to you." I
could tell from Ray's posture he was confident what my decision would be. 

"Neither." I replied. 

"What?" Both men asked at the same time. 

"I'm taking a helicopter." 

Everyone looked at me as if I'd lost my mind. 

"Where are you going to get a helicopter?" Ray asked. 

"I already made the arrangements. I called the guy that you hired last
time. He should be here any time now." I smiled at him. 

Maggie and Buck looked thoughtful, then agreed it was a good idea. It
would give a better view of the area. Ray opened his mouth to say
something, but the sounds of the chopper approaching stopped him. Sighing,
he grabbed his coat and gloves. 

We headed out to the field and when it was safe enough to approach, we ran
up. 

The pilot stopped us right before we reached the aircraft. "I'm not going
to have room for all of you. Which of you is Analise Fraser?" 

"I am." 

"Didn't you say I was supposed to pick someone up?" 

"Hopefully." I replied. 

"Then at least two of you will have to stay behind. That'll give me one
empty seat." 

Everyone looked at each other. No one wanted to have to stay behind.
Finally Buck cleared his throat. 

"Why don't I meet you at the Pass? That way the rest of you can go and
if...when we find Ben and Robert, one of you can ride back with me?" 

I reached up giving him and hug and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you." 

The rest of us climbed into the helicopter, and Buck waved as we lifted
off. 

************* After five and a half hours of walking, Ben happened upon
the snow mobile. Scanning the area he saw no sign of her. Why would she
leave it behind? A quick inspection revealed it was out of gasoline. Ben
continued to walk, the cold had long ago numbed his extremities but he
knew if he kept walking, he could hold off the effects of hypothermia.
After about an hour, he spotted something blue in the snow. Hurrying
towards it, Ben knelt and opened the discarded diaper bag.  

With shaking hands, he searched the contents. The only thing it contained
was empty bottles and some dirty clothes. Ben picked up a sleeper and held
it to his nose, longing to catch even the faintest scent of his son. 

He blanched and went pale when he pulled out the next item. It was one of
Robert's T-shirt and there was blood on it! She hurt him! A hatred burned
inside him and with a renewed rush of adrenaline, he quickened his pace. 

When Ben finally made his way around to the lee side of the mountain, the
trail ended abruptly. He searched the area to no avail. 

"Your running out of time Ben." 

Startled, he tried to determine where her voice was coming from, but
couldn't see her. 

"I left him in the cold, just like you left me." 

"Why are you doing this?" Ben called out, trying to get her to talk some
more so he could pin point her location. There was no response. A bitter
gust of wind whipped past Ben and having no choice, he continued on the
dangerous path towards the crag where he had found Victoria in all those
years ago. 

About ten minutes later, her voice rang out again but it seemed to come
from a different angle. 

"I know you still want me Ben, you proved that last night." At hearing her
words a wave of nausea washed over him and he had to brace himself on the
side of the rock face as her laughter drifted across to him. 

"You'd better hurry Ben, I left him almost two hours ago." 

"Then why are you still here?" He managed to yell past the lump in his
throat. 

"I want to see the pain on your face when you find you're too late. The
same pain you caused me. Then I will give you another chance. If you turn
me down again, I'll go after your daughter, then that bitch who birthed
your bastards!" 

Anger got the better of him, and he knew given the opportunity, he would
be hard pressed not to kill her. Ben continued to climb the Pass as the
morning sun melted the snow and ice, making it a precarious trek. More
than once he almost lost his footing. 

Panic welled in him as he recognized the crag and he ran the rest of the
way as fast as the ice would allow. 

"Oh God please..." Escaped his lips as he got closer. Ben immediately
recognized the unnatural snow covered mound and flew to his knees beside
it, digging frantically. He wasn't aware that he let out an agonizing moan
as he picked up the limp form of his son, holding him to his chest. He was
cold, ice cold and wet from the melting snow. Ben leaned his ear against
Robert's lips as he checked for a pulse. 

"No!" He screamed in anguish and quickly unbuttoned his coat, tucking
Robert against him. Ben breathed into the baby's mouth using quick short
breaths. He rubbed Robert's arms and legs as he rocked back and forth,
unaware of the tears spilling down his cheeks. 

************ 

"There is nothing here miss." The pilot said looking over at me. "We've
already flown the route three times." 

"Then do four!" I practically yelled back. We were over the cabin again,
and I was sure we were missing something. The pilot sighed, and turned us
around to the Pass again. I couldn't understand why we didn't see anyone.
It's not as if there were a lot of ground cover. What if she didn't come
up here and Ben was tracking her some place else? 

On the last pass we made, we saw Buck with his dog sled heading towards
the Pass. According to Maggie, he should reach there in about an hour and
a half. All of us had been scanning the area, and I could tell everyone's
nerves were wearing thin. 

***************** 

Knowing he had to find someway to warm him, Ben lifted both his shirts and
cradled Robert against his bare skin. He blew hot breath on his son's
little hands alternating them. When Ben lifted his left hand, he noticed a
large cut running down his forearm. Eventually Ben placed his son's hands
in his mouth and was rewarded by a slight twitch. He hugged his son tight
to him. "Daddy's here, it's all right now...I"m here." He repeated over
and over, in-between blowing on his hands. 

Robert's movement's became slightly stronger as Ben's body heat warmed
him, and soon a feeble cry emerged from his son. 

Ben's relief was short lived when he felt some snow drift down on them. He
looked up to see Victoria standing about 30 to 35 feet above them, gun
pointed. He scrambled to stand, but there wasn't anywhere to hide.  

"Damn you!" She screamed at him. "Damn you! He's supposed to be dead!" Ben
tried to reach for his gun but she fired off a round, freezing him in
place. He didn't come this far to have her win now. He notice they were
somewhat protected, the ledge she was on housed a rather large boulder,
and her aim was thrown off trying to reach around it. 

"Don't do this Victoria." He took a tentative step to his left, trying to
without drawing attention to himself, place more of the boulder between
them. "We can still be together, I'll go with you." 

"Do I look stupid?!" She spat back. "You had your chance. Now both of you
are going to die!" 

Ben took another step, she kept her gun trained on him the entire time.
There was nothing to dive behind, and he knew the only hope he had was to
try and stall. He fought to get his next words out. 

"What did you do to me last night?" 

"Nothing you didn't want. Why? Having trouble remembering?" She let out a
dark laugh which suddenly ended and her voice became monotone. 

"Before I kill you, I want you to know that your daughter and wife are
next. Good bye Ben." 

As she cocked the gun, Ben threw himself against the rock face and he
reached for his, while still holding Robert to him with his other hand.
Victoria had to step out to get a good aim, and Ben watched as if in slow
motion as her foot slipped and she fell off the cliff, hitting jagged
rocks on the way down and landing about ten feet from him with a sickening
crack. 

His gun was immediately trained on her as he slowly eased closer, cradling
Robert to him with his left hand. When he was close enough, he kicked away
the gun that laid only a few feet from her hand and looked down at her. 

Victoria was staring wide eyed at nothing. Her breath was ragged and the
right side of her skull was bleeding profusely. Ben at her, no longer
feeling anything except anger. 

 Eyes glazing over, Victoria managed to focus on Ben's face. Slowly her
lips started to move and in barely a whisper she spoke, never losing eye
contact with him. 

"I caught this morning morning's minion, kingdom of daylight's dauphin,
dapple-dawn-drawn Falcon, in his riding of the rolling level underneath
him steady air..." Her voice trailed off as the snow beneath her turned
crimson, and she took her last breath. 

 'Let it go son, let the anger go or she still wins.' He heard his
father's words echo in his head. 

"Dad?" He asked looking around, but he was alone on the Pass, only the
sound of wind to be heard. 

Kneeling beside her, Ben reached out and checked for a pulse. He knew
there wouldn't be one, but he had to make sure, for his own peace of mind.
She was gone. Their nightmare was finally over. Ben opened his coat to
stare down at his son. He was still too cold, and needed medical
attention. 

Taking his coat off, Ben unbuttoned his shirt and wrapped Robert in both.
The cold air assaulted him through his thermal shirt, but Robert needed
the garments more than he did. Knowing time was against him, Ben wearily
stood and started the long trek back to Inuvik. 

******************** 

I strained to see everything out the window of the helicopter. My vision
blurring as emotions threatened to overtake me, and I took a deep breath
burying them back down. I had to keep looking! 

"Hey, I think we may have something here." The pilot said as he looked out
the left side of the chopper. Giving a wide circle, all of us strained to
see what was down there as he brought us in closer. 

"It's him! It's Benny!" Ray yelled from the back seat and cheers, crying,
and yells exploded from us as the pilot swung around one more time to
land.  

It really was him! I couldn't believe it! Pressing myself against the
window, I tried to see if Robert was with him, but as we neared, so much
snow was stirred up, I couldn't tell. 

No sooner had the helicopter landed, I opened my door and tried to get
out, but someone grabbed my arm and held me back.  

"Let me go!" I demanded pulling away from it. 

"Just wait a minute ma'am, the blades will slow down enough in a minute!"
I looked over at the pilot and sighed. How long had I been waiting? I
didn't want to wait any longer. 

He finally let go of my arm, and taking advantage of the opportunity, I
jumped out of the chopper and ran towards Ben. He was further away than I
had originally thought. 

"Ben!" I yelled as loud as I could, running towards him. When I was close
enough to see his face, I stopped dead in my tracks. I had never seen him
looking as horrible as he did right now. 

"Oh God Ben" I whispered. He stopped walking about five feet from me and
looked straight at me, staring into my eyes. I wanted to run to him and
throw my arms around him, but something in the way he was looking at me,
made me hesitate. There was shock, surprise, but something else was there
also. He had a large bruise on the side of his face, swollen and
discolored, and he looked pale. I finally noticed he wasn't wearing his
coat but holding it.  

"Ben?" I took a tentative step towards him.  

He fell to his knees and started crying, and I rushed over, wrapping
myself around him. As hard as the past few days had been for me, I had
friends to help support me. He didn't have anyone. I should have never
agreed to let him go alone. 

"Oh Ben, I love you so much! I love you." I held him as he let out gut
wrenching cries, and took my coat off to wrap it around his shoulders. Ben
pulled me down and wrapped an arm around me as he buried his face in my
neck. 

I looked up to see Ray, Stan and Maggie looking down at us, Maggie was
also crying and she knelt wrapping her arms around him also. 

Ben's crying finally started to subside and he looked up at me. He let out
a small smile and maneuvered the bundle in his arms. My eyes grew wide as
he opened his coat. There was Robert! 

"Robert! Oh God! It's Robert! You found our baby!" I was on the verge of
hysterics as Ben handed him to me, taking both of us into his arms. I
clung to Robert, staring at him through my tears, though the only part I
could see was his face. 

Ray and Stan were hugging each other and soon joined us on the ground.
"He's here, he's really here..." My voice trailed off with a choke. 

"We need to get the two of you to a hospital Benny." Ray finally said.
Neither of us moved, I don't think we were able to. "Come on." Ray with
the help of Stan, managed to pull Ben up. Together they helped man handle
him back to the chopper and Maggie helped me. 

They put the both of us in the back seat and then looked at each other.
Who was going to stay behind? 

Ben placed his hand on Ray's and spoke for the first time. "She's dead."
It came out as a hoarse whisper and he continued "At the pass." 

Ray nodded and moved back from the chopper. He was going to stay behind.
Ben without saying so, had just asked him. When Buck gets there, they
would go up and bring her body back. He also wanted to make sure she was
really dead. 

"I'll take care of it Benny, and I'll see you at the hospital in a little
bit." Ben gave him a look of thanks and turned to me, burying his head in
my shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me. 

********** 

The helicopter landed on the roof of the hospital and we were met by a
whole team of doctors and nurses. I hadn't put Robert down the entire
time, and didn't want to start now. 

"Ma'am, we need to see him, please let me take him." A doctor about my age
spoke but it wasn't until Ben placed his hand on my arm and I looked at
the worry on his face did I relent and hand him over. 

We followed the team into the building and listened to them talk as they
undid the coat and shirt he was wrapped up in. I gasped when I saw the
blood on Robert, and Ben had to hold me back. Our baby was barely
responding to the attention he was receiving, and I was doing my best to
keep calm as we followed the gurney down the hallway. 

A nurse stepped in front of us as he disappeared behind a set of double
doors. 

"You will have to wait out here for now. The doctor will let you know
what's going on soon." She was joined by a male nurse then. 

"Sir, if you'll follow me, we can have a look at your injuries." He
motioned but Ben just stared at the man. "Sir? This way?" 

I looked up at Ben. He was staring blankly at the man. "Ben," I placed my
hand on his chest and he jerked back. "What's wrong?" 

"It's...nothing. Nothing a-tall." 

I had forgot all about Maggie and Stan, luckily she picked that moment to
speak up. "Ben, please go and get looked over. We'll Stay here and let you
know when there is news." 

Ben eventually acknowledged her presence and took a deep breath.  

"I'll go with you." I said, thinking he would want me with him. 

"No!" Ben yelled and after realizing that he had, continued more softly
"you stay here. I'll be back soon." 

His eyes were clouded over as he spoke and when he touched my arm, I could
feel him trembling. 

I nodded and watched as he left with the nurse. Maggie put her arm around
me and led us into a waiting room. 

While we were waiting for word on Robert, I became aware that the waiting
room slowly filled with RCMP officers. Some were still in uniform, others
in their street clothes. Most just sat quietly waiting, but some would
approach Maggie and speak in whispers. 

I didn't know who to be more worried for, Ben or Robert. I had never seen
Ben act so strange and didn't have a clue as what to do about it. What had
he gone through these past few days? What price did he pay for bringing
our son home? 

A doctor walked in and as if one, most everyone closed in on him and he
subconsciously took a step back. I pushed my way through. 

"Mrs. Fraser?" He asked. 

I nodded "how is he?" 

"Your son will be fine." Cheers went up around the room and he had to wait
for everyone to quiet down before he continued "he has suffered slightly
from the cold, and was dehydrated. The cut to his arm wasn't too deep and
we've cleaned and bandaged it, plus started him on some antibiotics just
to be on the safe side. It appears that he hadn't ate in sometime, but
that's nothing to be concerned about" the doctor quickly added upon seeing
the look on my face. "He has a pretty mean diaper rash, some bruising on
his torso, arms and legs, and all in all for what he's been through seems
to be in good health. I want to keep him here for a day or two just to
make sure no complications arise." 

I felt lightheaded, and tingly. The next thing I knew, I was lying on the
floor with Stan supporting my head, and a whole bunch of people looking
down at me. The doctor was shining a light in my eyes. 

"What happened?" I shakily asked. 

"You passed out Mrs. Fraser. With all the stress you've been under, your
body responded the only way it could to protect you." 

He helped me sit up "take it easy. And when you're ready, I'll take you to
see your son." 

"What about Ben?" I asked. 

"I'm sure he's fine. I'll check with his doctor and let you know."  

"Thank you"  

Maggie and Stan went with me into Robert's room, and a knot formed in my
stomach seeing him in the steel crib. He was asleep and an IV was dripping
fluids into his arm. Robert's left arm was bandaged, and I lowered the
crib rail as Stan pulled a chair up for me. Brushing my fingers across his
hand, I bent to kiss him. There was more than a small part of me that
thought I'd never see him again. 

Maggie appeared beside me and gave me a quick hug. "I'm going to go tell
Ben he's alright." 

"Thank you." I smiled up at her. I didn't want to leave his side and I
noticed Stan was fidgeting. We both looked at him. 

"I'll..uh...call Chicago. Let everyone know we found him." I stood and
gave him a big hug.  

"Thank you so much for being here for us." He blushed as he hugged me
back, and noticing Maggie looking at him with 'that look', I stepped back
so she could thank him in her own way. When they left, I focused my
attention back on Robert sitting vigil by his crib.  

****************** 

"Constable, you really need to let us admit you. You've had a bad blow to
the head, which gave you a slight concussion, and that's not including the
exposure you've suffered, or the atta..." 

"Understood Doctor. However, I will not stay." Ben cut him off when he saw
Maggie standing in the doorway. He had to deal with what happened on his
own. Then he would be able to tell everyone else. 

Ben looked at Maggie expectantly "He's all right. Analise is with him
now." She said smiling at him. 

He let out a relieved breath and let his shoulders slump. "I'll get
dressed and be there in a minute. Will you wait for me outside?" 

She looked at him hard for a minute and Ben swallowed. His discomfort
barely concealed. 

"Sure Ben." She finally said and left the room. 

The doctor watched the interplay between the two, and after she was gone,
handed Ben a few pieces of paper. 

"I want you to get these filled as soon as possible. This is for the
headache I know you have, even though you deny it, and this will help
relieve your discomfort in your groin area. It contains a light
anesthetic." He studied the man before him for a moment and then
continued. "As I've said before Constable. You were unconscious. It's
highly improbable that your body responded on it's own volition enough to
allow penetration. And from the amount of rawness, I'm assuming she was
trying for sometime to make it happen. Had you 'responded', she wouldn't
have had to manipulate you as much as she did." 

Ben blushed with shame as the doctor spoke to him, and looked down. Not
quite able to meet his eyes. It was still his fault. He should never have
allowed her to get the upper hand to begin with. It took all of his will
power to take a deep breath and look him in the eye. 

"Thank you." He stood to collect his clothes. 

"I still feel you should at least stay the night." The doctor added once
again, hoping Ben would change his mind. 

"I want to be with my son....and wife." He added quietly. The doctor gave
a quick nod.  

"I'll check in on you later then. Also, you can get your prescriptions
filled at our pharmacy, and we should have the results back from the tests
by tomorrow." 

"Understood." Ben replied and the doctor left him to change. 

************** 

I rested my head on the edge of Robert's crib, watching as his eyelids
would flutter slightly. The machine his IV ran through, would beep every
few minutes, shattering the silence. Robert wore nothing but a diaper, and
the bruises *that* woman gave him stood out against his pale skin. 

Four months. He is only four months old. How can anyone do something so
horrible to a baby? I thought to myself. 

"You might be more comfortable on the sofa" Came a kind voice from the
doorway. I turned to see an older woman dressed in nurses scrubs, with
different colorful shapes on the smock. Her arms were folded across her
chest and she was leaning on the door frame, as if she'd been there a
while. 

I glanced over at the small sofa, it was big enough to hold two people. I
hadn't even noticed it before. I looked around the rest of the room.
Instead of harsh over head lights, though they were available, table top
lamps were placed around the furniture. Bright sunlight was streaming
through the windows, but at night, it would be soothing. The walls were
pale blue with nursery rhyme pictures. Someone had obviously gone to a lot
of trouble to make this a comfortable atmosphere. 

I turned my attention back to the woman. "I want him to see me as soon as
he wakes up." I said quietly so as not to disturb him. 

She smiled as she moved near Robert's bed and checked his IV. 

"Here is the call button if you need anything" she held up a white cord
attached to the wall. I'll be back in a little while." 

"Thanks."  

After she left, I stretched and rubbed the back of my neck. There wasn't a
single muscle in my body that didn't ache. These past four days had to
have been the worst I'd ever experienced since my parents died. 

Strong hands stilled mine, and took over the ministrations. Turning, I
looked up at Ben, as haunted eyes stared back. Wordlessly, he pulled me up
into his embrace, and I clung to him with all I was worth. It felt like an
eternity since I last held him. 

"I thought I lost you. Both of you." I whispered into his chest. 

Ben let out a shaky breath and pulling back, he cupped the side of my face
with his hand, gently puling me to him so he could brush his lips against
mine. 

I could feel his body start to tremble and without taking his one arm from
me, he went to the crib, covered Robert with a receiving blanket, and
raised the crib rail locking it in place. 

"Ben, what are--" he placed his fingers on my lips, silencing my protests
and led me to the sofa. Reclining catty-corner on the end, he pulled me
down to lay on top of his chest, letting out a sigh. 

************* 

 

Maggie looked down at the sleeping couple. Worry lines creased her
forehead as she noticed how haggard they both looked. 'No parent should
ever have to go through what they just did.' She thought to herself.
Pulling out an extra blanket from the closet, she draped it across them. 

Stan came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders, kneading
softly. "You could use some rest too." He whispered in her ear. 

Robert started to fuss a little and Maggie hurried to the crib, rubbing
his back lightly until he settled back down. She didn't want her brother
and Analise to have to wake up just yet, and then looked over at Stan. 

"I'll rest as soon as they've had a chance to." She whispered back. 

There was a soft knock at the door as Ray and Buck entered. Ray looked at
everyone and then approached the crib. His face turned hard with anger
when he saw Robert's injuries. Seeing his reaction, Maggie motioned for
everyone to follow her outside. After the door was quietly shut behind
them, she turned her attention back to the men. 

"Ray calm down. Robert's going to be fine." She placed a hand on his arm
to emphasize her words. Maggie then filled them in on Robert's condition
as he and Buck listened attentively. She had barely finished when Ray
spoke up again. 

"What about Benny?" 

A frown formed on Maggie's face. "I'm not sure Ray. I asked but he
wouldn't tell me anything besides the usual 'I'm fine' bit he always
gives. I did hear the doctor say he wanted to admit him, but you know
Benton." 

"Yeah, I know. He could be dying and would still fight staying in a
hospital. I'll talk to him." 

"He's a lot like your father" Buck added, looking at Maggie. "Both of you
are just as stubborn as he was." 

She smiled a little at the compliment, and then turned her attention to
other matters. 

"What happened with Metcalf?" 

Ray and Buck exchanged a look. "She was right where Benny said she'd be." 

Maggie swallowed hard. She needed to ask the one question she didn't know
if she wanted to hear the answer to. 

"How did she die?" Her words were stiff, giving away her apprehension. 

Buck spoke up "it looks as if she was on a ledge some 50 meters up, and
slipped. The autopsy will tell more, but it doesn't look like Benton
killed her." 

Maggie and Stan both looked relieved. Buck looked down at his watch. "It's
about chow time. Why don't we head down to the cafeteria and see what they
have?" 

Everyone looked at each other. 

"Sounds like a plan." Stan replied. 

"Sure, why not?" Maggie said and made a motion for them to wait as she
gently opened the door a few inches. Satisfied they were still sleeping,
she shut it and they headed off to find some food. For the first time in
days, she actually had an appetite. 

********** 

I felt movement under me and was brought out of the best sleep I had in
days by a whisper in my ear. 

"Analise?...Analise?" 

"Hhmm?" 

I felt a hand caress my face "we need to get up." Came the whispered
reply. 

I snuggled deeper into the warm chest beneath me, not wanting to move.
Strong arms wrapped around me and held me close. I felt rather than heard
a deep breath, and shifted myself up the solid body to nibble at Ben's
neck, while keeping my eyes closed. 

"Analise... I know you're awake." 

I slightly opened my eyes and smiled at my husband. "I love you." I
whispered. That got me a smile. 

"We need to get up." 

"Why?" I asked. I was comfortable where I was. I could feel Ben move
slightly beneath me, and he looked somewhat uncomfortable. Concern for him
took over and I hastily sat up. 

"How do you feel?" I asked as I touched the side of his face. He pulled
back slightly, and I could see a shadow fall over his eyes. 

"I'm fine. Nothing to worry about." 

"What did the doctor say?" 

He didn't have a chance to answer as Robert let out a small cry from the
crib. We both scrambled over and talked soothingly to him as Ben lowered
the side rail. I gently picked him up as his crying intensified, and Ben
wheeled Robert's IV pole over to the sofa. He took his spot back and
pulled me close to him, wrapping his arms around me as I started to nurse
Robert. 

Robert hungrily latched on, and I tried my best not to hold him too tight.
After about ten minutes, I felt the side of my neck becoming wet and
looked over to see Ben crying silently. I rested my head back on his chest
as he buried his face in my neck. I was wondering when Ben was going to
start letting it out. 

After Robert finished nursing I handed him over so Ben could burp him. I
knew that he needed to hold him just as much as I did. Now that Robert was
safe, I couldn't help but think of Jacinda. I had tried to express enough
for her before we left, but by now she must be running low. Ma had told me
not to worry, that it wouldn't kill her to have baby formula, that didn't
stop me from feeling guilty though. It would still be a few more days
before we could head back home. 

There was a knock at the door, and as it opened, we heard Ray's voice.
"Can we come in?" 

I looked over at Ben who had a small smile on his face. "Sure Ray, come on
in." He replied. Ray beamed from ear to ear when he saw Ben holding
Robert. 

"He'll be back to normal in no time!" Ray stated. Everyone else came in
then, and smiled. They were followed close behind by a nurse who checked
to make sure everything was going all right with Robert.  

"How are you feeling Benny?" Ray asked lightly after the nurse left, as he
tried to hide the concern on his face. 

"Fine Ray. Is..uh..everything taken care of?" Ben hesitantly asked. We all
knew without anyone having to say, what Ben was referring to. 

"Yeah Benny, it is." 

He looked thoughtful for a moment, then took a deep breath. "Good."  

Stan, Maggie and Ray found seats around the room and settled down to make
themselves comfortable. I guess they were planning on staying a while.
Buck was still standing off to the side a little and cleared his throat. 

"This is for the two of you. We didn't think either of you would want to
leave Robert, and you need to eat." He placed the bag onto a hospital tray
against the wall. 

"Thanks Buck" I smiled at him. It seemed all I had been doing today was
thanking people. I came to realize that the friends we had were more than
friends. They were family. How many people are lucky enough to have
friends who would drop everything and even risk their life for you? 

Everyone sensed that Ben didn't want to talk about what had happened out
there and we didn't push the subject. So instead, we talked quietly for a
little while. had The past few days had been taxing though, and they
decided to head back to the barracks, to get some rest. Maggie was the
hardest to convince to leave. She wanted to stay in case we needed
anything, but Ben assured her that we would call if the need arose. 

Ray offered to bring my bag along tomorrow morning, and as everyone was
saying their good-byes, Ben pulled Ray aside and spoke to him quietly. I
couldn't here what they were saying, but after a few minutes, Ray nodded
his head and gave Ben a pat on the shoulder before heading out. Looking at
the clock on the wall, I saw it was only 8:15 pm, but it felt like
midnight.  

The nurse came in one more time to change Robert's IV bag, and after
fielding our questions, assured us the doctor would be in first thing in
the morning. She then showed us how to turn the sofa into a small bed
before leaving. 

We were finally alone. I looked over at Ben who was staring down at
Robert, and wrapped my arms around him from behind, resting my head on his
shoulder blades. At first, his body tensed and I could feel his breath
quicken, but then he started to relax. 

"Did I thank you yet?" I asked, causing him to look at me, questioningly. 

"Why would you thank me?" I could tell he was generously confused as he
turned around to wrap his arms around me. 

"Because like always, you saved the day." I paused and looked seriously
into his eyes. "I always feel safe when you're with me." 

He smiled at me, kissed my forehead and pulled me even tighter to him. 

"Thank you." He whispered into my hair. 

Now it was my turn to be confused. "For what?" 

He looked at me tenderly "just for being you." 

This time I pulled him over to the sofa, which was now a bed, and kicked
my shoes off. I saw a whole array of emotions play across Ben's face as he
watched me, and finally settle on a combination of amusement and reproach.


"Spill it." I said as he sat on the edge of the bed to remove his boots. 

"Spill what?" 

"You know what." I said matter of factly. He paused as he pulled back the
blanket and held out his hand to me. It wasn't until after he had me lying
on the bed in his embrace did he answer. 

"Why aren't you in Chicago?' I'm sure my face took on a squirrel on the
headlights look. 'Oh dear!' 

********** 

I woke early the next morning and rose up on my elbow to look down at Ben.
His hair was tousled and I took advantage of the opportunity to examine
the hideous bruise on his face. During the night, Ben tossed and turned.
There were a few times he held me so tight I had trouble breathing. 

He must not have shaved since leaving Chicago and it reminded me of last
summer, he looked so sexy! When we went to sleep last night, Ben had his
shirt on. Sometime during the night he must have removed it and only his
shoulders were visible. I gently touched the newer scar from the bullet on
our wedding day and a lump formed in my throat. I really thought I was
going to lose him. 

Shaking the memory from my mind, I looked back down at his bare shoulders
and wondered what else he may have removed. Finding myself in a playful
mood, I gently slid the blanket down to his torso, filling my eyes with
his familiar hard body. His jeans were unzipped and hung low on his hips.
Catching site of a discoloration barely visible under the waistband of his
boxers, curiosity got the better of me and I looped my fingers into the
material, pulling down as far as I could without disturbing him.  

My breath caught as I looked at a huge hickey, complete with bite marks.
My hands started to tremble and tears stung my eyes as I pulled the
material down until some curly hair was visible. There was another one. My
hands found their way to my lips, stifling back the sob that was fighting
to come out. 

Hearing a sound, I looked at Ben's face to see him staring back at me. We
stayed like that for a long moment, neither of us moving. I was the first
to find a voice. 

"You bastard!" It came out as a hoarse whisper. "How could you? How could
you...sleep...with her and then take me into your arms?" 

I shook my head in disbelief as he just laid there staring at me. My mind
was racing and I wanted to throw up. Air, I need air. I jumped up to run
from the room. 

"Analise!" Ben called scrambling after me. I was almost at the door when
his arms wrapped around my chest, grasping me tight.  

"Let me go!" I fought with all my strength against him to no avail. 

"Please stop!" Ben pleaded into my back and I took a deep breath pulling
my body away from him as hard as I could. I felt his muscles tense and the
next thing I knew, I was being spun around and pinned against the wall
hard. 

"Listen to me!" He ground out, while holding me in place with his body
weight. I struggled and tried to push him away, causing him to take my
hands and pin them to the sides of my head. After a few minutes, the
sensation of his fingers digging painfully into my forearms as he held
them, brought me to a stand still. His grip relaxed a little then, though
he still held me in place. 

Letting out a breath, Ben looked down and stayed like that for almost a
full minute before speaking. 

"Please listen to me. This isn't--" 

"What the hell is going on?" Ray was standing in the doorway, and had
interrupted Ben. I took advantage of Ben's attention being elsewhere and
tried to twist out of his grasp, but he tightened his hold causing me to
wince. 

"Ben stop! You're hurting me!" I said. A look of disbelief crossed his
face as he let go of my arms, and staggered back. Ray came over, placing
himself between us and glared at Ben before turning to me. 

"Are you alright?" Worry evident on his face. I rubbed my arms and took
deep breaths trying in vain to keep my tears from falling. 

"Y..yes." I replied shakily. "I.. I gotta go... I can't ..." My mind
wouldn't form a coherent thought. I just needed to get away from there and
started towards the door. 

"No!"  

I jumped at the sound of Ben's voice "please, you don't understand. Don't
go, let me explain." His face was full of anguish. 

"What is going on?!" Ray demanded to know loudly, which caused Robert to
wake up and start crying. Looking over at the crib, I knew I didn't want
to leave my baby, but I didn't want to be around Ben either. 

Ben was still looking at me, imploring with his eyes and I looked away
avoiding his gaze. Knowing I needed to feed Robert, I went to pick him up.
As soon as Ben saw what I was doing, he quickly turned the bed back into a
sofa, but I sat down sideways on the stuffed chair, curling my legs up as
I nursed him. 

Ray hadn't say anything the entire time this was going on, but I could
tell he wanted answers since he didn't leave the room when I started to
nurse. Although I was discreet about it, Ben went to the crib and brought
back a receiving blanket. As he neared, I flinched despite myself causing
him to stop in mid stride and look down. He instead handed the blanket to
Ray and went to sit back down on the sofa. 

"I am so sorry Analise. I didn't mean to hurt you." He said quietly "I
just didn't want you to leave, thinking what you did." 

He looked over at Ray. "Could you uh...give us a few minutes alone?" 

Ray looked over at me. "Is that what you want?" 

I didn't know what I wanted, except to crawl under a rock and die. How
could he still have feeling for her? She kidnapped our baby for goodness
sakes! All that time I was worried sick about him, and he was cheating on
me! 

"Analise?" 

I closed my eyes and laid my cheek against the back of the chair. I just
wanted all of this to go away. 

"I'm staying." Came Ray's firm reply. 

Ben sighed and after a moment started to speak. "I didn't sleep with
Victoria. Not intentionally anyway..." 

"Excuse me?" Ray was dumbfounded and I knew he was thinking the same thing
I was. 'How do you not intentionally sleep with someone?' 

I stared at Ben as he continued. "By the time I reached the cabin, I was
exhausted....." 

Ray and I listened intently as he replayed the events of the last few
days. 

".....when I woke up," he swallowed hard "my pants were down and I found I
had...hickey's, among...other..things." Taking a deep breath, Ben looked
over at me. 

Despite my anger, I found myself listening to him and it took a minute to
realize he finished. 

"Geez Benny, so you don't know exactly what she did to you?" 

Robert had finished nursing, and I stood, handing him to Ray. Walking to
the window, I looked down at the finger shaped bruises starting to form on
my arms, then out the window. I didn't blame Ben for what happened between
him and Victoria. How could I? I would have been willing to do anything to
save our baby. But Ben hurt me and I was having a hard time getting past
that. I didn't look at him as I asked a question that had bothered me
since he started telling us what happened. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

Ben ran his hands over his face. "I asked the doctor to run a few tests,
and I wanted to know the results before saying anything. I never meant to
keep this from you Analise, I swear." 

He stood and slowly moved towards me. I tried not to flinch as he reached
out to touch my arm, gently untwining it from my other. He then examined
the damage he caused. Ben started to tremble as he ran his fingers gently
across the bruises, then picked up my other arm to examine it. 

"Oh God" he whispered as he brought my arm to his lips, kissing the bruise
gently "I'm sorry.." He choked stepping even closer to me. "I am so
sorry...please..forgive me." 

Shakily, I lifted my arms and wrapped then around his neck, pulling him
close to me. He let loose with sobs as he clung to me muttering something
into my shoulder. I couldn't understand what he was saying, but it didn't
matter. I ran my hands through his hair and held him. 

When my arms started to go numb from reaching up, I slid them between us
to hold him around his waist and rub his back. He finally composed
himself, and I moved my hands to his back pocket, tucking them in loosely
to rest them. Something was blocking my right hand and I pulled out some
papers, causing Ben to reach around and take them from my hand. 

"What is it?" I asked and he looked at the papers before handing them to
me. 

"Nothing really. The doctor gave me some medicine in case I needed it, but
I didn't." 

I looked at the one and knew it was a pain reliever, probably for his
head, but I was unfamiliar with the second. 

"What aren't you telling me?" I asked him holding up the paper and he
looked down, fidgeting. When he didn't answer right away, I thought back
to the hickeys and bite marks. 

"Ben, what all did she do to you?" He took a deep breath and shook his
head. "It doesn't matter, I'll heal." 

I was starting to get really scared now. He still hadn't answered my
question. Perhaps it was because he didn't want Ray to know. 

"Ray?" I called and was surprised to not see him or Robert. When did they
leave? 

Turning back to Ben, I took his hand and pulled him towards the bathroom.
"Come on." 

He allowed me to pull him without resistance, and after the door was shut,
I looked at him. 

"I want to see what she did to you." 

"Analise.. I.." 

"Please Ben, you're scaring me. Just let me see." Without making eye
contact, Ben unzipped his jeans and carefully pulled them down, followed
by his boxers. 

I couldn't believe what I saw. Ben didn't say anything as he stood there
exposed and I knelt in front of him, moving his thigh out slightly to get
a better view. The upper inside of his thighs contained one or two more
hickeys, and multiple bite marks, most were deep and discolored. His organ
was raw. I couldn't begin to imagine the pain he was in.  

"Oh Ben..." I whispered as I gently fingered one of the marks. "Why didn't
you tell me?" I wasn't surprised when Ben didn't answer, and after a
minute he pulled me up into his embrace and it was my turn to cry. 

He held me close, rubbing my back. "I'm sorry Ben." I felt horrible for
accusing him of cheating on me. All this he'd been keeping inside and I
treated him like a piece of crap. How could he ever forgive me? How could
I forgive myself? 

"It's all right Analise. As I've said, I'll heal." 

I buried my head in his shoulder, shaking it back and forth. "No Ben, it's
all my fault. You were protecting Robert and I... I.... Called you
names... And.." 

"Shhh... You didn't know love." 

Eventually Ben pulled back and bent down to replace his pants. "What are
you doing?" I asked. 

"Getting dressed." He stopped as he looked up at me. 

"No Ben. You aren't putting those jeans back on." There was no way he was
going to experience anymore pain if I had anything to say about it. 

"But I nee--" 

"No!" I thought for a minute. "I'll go to the gift shop. Perhaps they have
sweat pants there." 

"Actually I asked Ray to see if he could bring me some last night."  

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Get a shower and I'll ask him." 

Ben hesitated and I repeated myself firmly "I said get a shower Ben. I'll
take care of everything." 

He pulled me into his arms one more time and brushed his lips against
mine. "I love you. I always will." His husky voice reached my ears. I
pulled back and smiled. 

"Get a shower."  

Shutting the door, I looked around the empty room and then at the
prescriptions. This was going to be a busy morning. 

************* 

I walked down the hallway and wasn't surprised to find Ray in the
visitor's lounge holding Robert. 

"Ray?" 

He looked up and smiled "I take it you two worked things out?" 

"Yeah. I feel like such a fool." I sat down beside him and looked at my
hands "when I saw the hickeys, I thought that he had slept with her
willingly. I should have known better. Oh Ray" I looked up at him "Ben
showed me what she did to him, it was awful." 

I didn't go into details, and by the look on Ray's face, I didn't need to.


"She is..was...capable of doing a lot of evil things. I just wish I had
the chance to kill her myself." 

I sucked in a breath as a thought came to me "Ray, how did she die?" Could
Ben actually kill someone? 

"She fell off a cliff. At least that's what it looked like. The coroner is
doing an autopsy and then it will be official." 

"Good." The last thing I wanted was for Ben to have to live with that too.
"Listen, I'm going down to the pharmacy to fill Ben's prescriptions. He
said you were going to bring him some sweat pants?" 

"Yeah, I dropped the bag in the room." 

"Thanks. Hey, where is Maggie and Stan? Didn't they come along?" 

Ray had a big smile on his face. "There was something they had to do." He
looked at his watch "they should be here soon though." 

"We uh... Don't need to tell them what happened with Ben and myself, OK?" 

"No problem. Why don't you pick up some breakfast for you and Benny when
your down there?" 

"Will do. Oh, Ben's in the shower now" I said as I stood to go "so you can
go back into the room if you want." 

 

Fifteen minutes later I walked back into the room and saw Robert had
fallen asleep on Ray's shoulder. Smiling, I whispered to him.  

"Let me take this into Ben, and I'll get him from you then." 

"Don't worry about it, I haven't ruined a suit in a while, I figure I'm
about due. Hey, the clothes for Benny are in that bag there." He nodded
with his head. 

"Thanks" 

The water was still running when I opened the bathroom door, and I was
half tempted to jump into the shower with him. Quietly I put the medicine
on the sink and the bag on the floor, before picking up his dirty clothes
and leaving. 

 

************* 

After Analise had shut the bathroom door, Ben took his jeans off the rest
of the way. Just moving in them was painful! Turning on the cold water,
Ben let it cascade down his back as he leaned forward, arms braced against
the shower wall in front of him. The past few days had been horrible. Not
knowing where his son was, almost giving in to... A sob choked his throat.
He couldn't even 'think' her name, let alone say it. The worst part was
knowing that he'd hurt Analise. No matter that it wasn't on purpose, he
couldn't believe that he caused her pain. Ben didn't know how he would
ever be able to forgive himself. 

Thinking back to yesterday when he asked the doctor to perform certain
'tests', he thought there was no way the doctor would agree. Relief washed
over him when the doctor said he'd take care of it without hesitation. The
waiting was the hard part though. But sometime today he would have his
answers. 

Ben shuddered, the cold finally reaching him. Normally he wouldn't indulge
in such a long shower, but the coldness of the water against his raw flesh
felt more soothing than anything else since it happened. 

He was surprised when he got out to see a pharmacy bag sitting on the
sink, and his dirty clothes gone. Ben smiled 'she certainly is
persistent!' Opening a larger bag, he found a T-shirt, sweat pants, boxers
and a shaving kit. He pulled the sweat pants from the bag. This was going
to be a welcome relief! Just as he reached for the towel to dry himself, a
shrill wail from the other room pierced the silence. 

'Robert!' Ben barely managed to wrap the towel around his midsection,
holding onto the side before he flung the door open and ran into the room.


"Robert!" He yelled and stopped dead in his tracks when he realized he was
standing in the middle of a very crowded room soaking wet and almost
naked. 

Analise was standing by Robert's crib as two nurses changed Robert's
bandage. Ray was sitting on the sofa, but what caught his attention the
most, was the gasps coming from behind him. 

Ben whirled around almost losing his grip on the towel to face a group of
nurses. They were looking at him as if he was a steak and they were
starving. Even the nurses working on Robert stopped to stare. 

"Oh dear!...uh...excuse me." Ben stammered blushing bright red. He turned
back towards the bathroom door to find it blocked by a few nurses who upon
seeing him, were pushed further into the room by the ones behind them. He
looked around, desperate for help and locked eyes with Analise. 

 

I though to myself how only Ben could get himself into situations like
this and stepped forward.  

"Ok ladies, shows over." I said to Ben's relief, as I made my way towards
him. I stood in front of him as we walked to the bathroom, glaring at the
women in front of me until they moved. When he was safely inside, I closed
the door and stood in front of it, folding my arms across my chest. 

"I do believe my *husband* would appreciate some privacy" I made the words
as icy as I could so they would get the hint. 

The two nurses quickly finished with Robert and a head nurse with the
group, flushed as she was, finally found her voice. "Let's uh, let's
continue with our rounds shall we?" 

Slowly, the group made their way out of the room and I noticed more than a
few casting one last glance towards the bathroom door, as if willing it to
open. 

*** 

Ben dried himself quickly and threw the T-shirt over his head. Reaching
for his boxers he stopped, looking at the pharmacy bag one more time. Ben
opened the bag and puled out the tube of cream and stared at it, as if
trying to decide whether or not to use it. He thought back to how painful
the last two days had been and quickly broke the seal, applying it to
himself. Hastily he pulled on his pants then, as if he had done something
wrong. 

Ben was about to leave the bathroom when he noticed the shaving kit, and
not really wanting to face the nurses, if any were still there, he decided
to get rid of the stubble. 

By the time Ben was ready to leave the bathroom, he felt a lot better and
the medicine with the sweat pants made a big difference. 

********** 

I was holding Robert when Ben came out of the bathroom, and although I
tried not to, I couldn't help but smile a little thinking of him dripping
in the middle of the floor. It seemed that Ben read my thoughts, and he
blushed. 

"I thought that something was wrong." 

"We could tell." Ray answered. Ben came over to the sofa and sat beside
me. I didn't say anything, but I noticed that he took few extra seconds to
find a comfortable position. He reached for Robert and smiled, talking to
him softly. 

"They took his IV out, and said his arm is starting to heal nicely." I
informed him, since he had been 'occupied' at the time. 

"Good. Did they say when he would be able to come home?" He asked as
Robert entertained himself by grabbing fistfuls of Ben's hair as he tried
to put them in his mouth. 

"Tomorrow, maybe the next day." 

Ben smiled and started to talk to Robert again. I realized it was almost
10:30 am and we hadn't ate yet. 

"Are you hungry Ben?" I asked "I brought some fruit up from the cafeteria
earlier." 

"Perhaps in a little while." He looked over at me, "what about you? Did
you eat?" "I...wasn't hungry. Don't worry, I'll get something later." 

Ray looked like he was bored to death, and kept looking at his watch every
five minutes. 

"If there's something you'd rather do Ray, Analise and I are fine." Ben
told his friend. 

"Now what would I do in the middle of no where?" Came his retort. 

"Really Ray, we aren't in the middle of 'no where' as you've so eloquently
put it. As a matter of fact, there are quite a few historical and
cultural..." 

"Benny?" 

"Yes Ray?" 

"Enough already." 

I was saved from listening to the two of them argue by a knock on the door
and looked as Maggie stuck her head in. 

"I was wondering when you were going to get here!" I said smiling at the
woman, "are you gonna come in?" 

She smiled broadly at us. "I have something for you and Ben."  

"Maggie" Ben interjected "it isn't necessary for you to give us anything."


"Well, if you don't want it, I can always have Frannie take it back" she
said slowly with a wicked gleam. 

"Frannie?" It was Ray's turn to be confused. Maggie then opened the door
and Frannie walked in holding Jacinda. 

"Oh God! Thank you!" I said as Frannie brought her over to Ben . Dief came
bounding into the room next. "How did you know?" 

"Well, it might have had something to do with the three of you calling the
house every half hour to see how she was doing. After about the first six
hours, Ma decided to not wait until you came home." Frannie acted like she
was exhausted with the whole situation, but I knew better. 

"Thank you Francesca" Ben said softly as he held his daughter in one arm,
and his son in the other.  

"No problem. She just finished eating about an hour ago, so she shouldn't
be hungry." 

I scooted closer to Ben as he talked to the babies and looked up at Maggie
and Stan. "Thank you." 

They beamed, knowing it had been a great idea and I looked over at Ray.
"You knew about this didn't you?" I asked 

"Not at first, but when they didn't want to come with me this morning, I
made them tell me why." 

Ben smiled at me and I noticed Dief trying to get closer to him. Ray and I
both yelled "no!" At the same time when he attempted to jump on Ben with
his front paws. Since his hands were full, there was no way he could have
protected himself. I barely managed to get him around his neck before it
was too late.  

Stan and Maggie looked at all three of us, but didn't say anything as they
sat down. I started to relax, but it was too good to be true and didn't
last long. 

"Why did ya do that?" Frannie asked and Ray ran his hands across his face,
letting out an exaggerated sigh. 

"Does it matter? " He asked his sister. Dief growled letting us know his
displeasure, and Ben leaned forward to whisper to the wolf. 

"I'll explain it later." 

"How has everything been going today?" Maggie asked looking around at us.
Ben's eyes grew wide. One things for sure, this morning hadn't been
boring. 

*********** 

Maggie hugged Ben one more time and kissed him on the cheek. She seemed on
the verge of tears. 

"We'll see each other in three weeks Maggie" Ben said gently as he smiled
at his sister. 

"I know, but then you'll be leaving again." He wiped a tear from her
cheek. 

"You know that whenever you need me, I'll be here." 

She gave him a slight smile and laughed a little as if she couldn't
believe she was getting so emotional. Ben glanced at Stan who was waiting
to say good-bye to her, so he squeezed her hand and moved over to Ray and
Francesca who were holding the twins. 

 "Three weeks" Stan gave her a smile as he said it. 

"So, are we going to be partners then?" She asked him, a slight teasing
quality to her voice. 

"Well that all depends" he teased back. Maggie was surprised to say the
least. 

"On what?" 

"Are you going to be tasting things like Fraser?" 

"It is one of the most effective tools for analyzing what one has...." She
started to defend the technique. 

"But it's freaky" he countered. 

Maggie's smile grew feral as she stepped closer to him. 

"I suppose it all depends on what one is tasting at the time..." She
leaned over and kissed him sound on the lips. Stan's eyes flew open in
shock for a second, but he quickly wasted no time in wrapping his arms
around her waist as he pulled her to him. 

Ray cleared his throat rather loudly and the look on Ben's face was on for
the record books. 

"Get a hotel room will ya? The two of you are almost as bad as Ben and
Analise!" He quipped sarcastically, but his words lacked an edge so they
knew he was joking. Never the less, the pulled apart smiling. 

Ben took Robert from Frannie and I watched as she made her way over to me.


"Hey, you're awfully quiet, you sick or something?" She asked, sitting
down beside me. 

"No, I'm fine." I busied myself with checking the supplies in the diaper
bad so I wouldn't have to look at her. Frannie placed her hand on my arm. 

"You might be able to tell everyone else that, but I know better." 

I sighed as leaned my head back. "I don't know Frannie. I just... Maybe
it's everything that's happened. I just feel overwhelmed."  

Technically that was the truth. I never considered myself to be a take
charge person in situations, and now that I was, it was scaring me to
death. Again last night Ben seemed to have trouble sleeping and at one
point, though he wasn't awake, he started to cry and called out *her*
name. 

It was just like last summer. I mean, I held him, whispered to him and
gently rubbed his back, but nothing seemed to help. During the day, he
acted as if it never even happened. I tried a few times to get him to talk
to me, but Ben would suddenly find the pictures on the wall, or the view
outside the window in Robert's hospital room very interesting. 

"I'm sorry-- what did you say?" I was so lost in thought I forgot all
about Frannie. 

She had a worried look on her face "it's time to go." 

Taking a deep breath, I followed her back to the crowd and put a smile on
my face as I said good bye to Maggie. Ben placed his arm around my waist
as he ushered me to the plane. It felt so good to have him touch me. I
wished I could just bury myself in his strong arms and stay there forever.


After everyone was settled and we were in the air, I closed my eyes to
sleep, so no one would ask me anymore questions. 

******** 

"Analise"  

I felt a hand on my thigh and hot breath on my neck as my name was
whispered over and over. 

"Analise... We're back you need to wake up." The voice was more insistent
now. 

Slowly I opened my eyes and tired blue ones stared back. Ben smiled at me
and I looked around, realizing we were on the ground and taxing up the
runway to the terminal. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sleep the whole way." I stretched and rubbed
my neck. "How are the babies?" 

Ben caressed my face "they're fine, sleeping right now. The question is,
how are you?" 

"As long as you're with me, I'm perfect." I leaned over to give him a
kiss. 

We waited until most of the plane was empty before leaving. Partly because
we didn't want to be caught in the mad rush for the exit, and partly
because Ben insisted with his politeness that everyone else go first. 

I rested Jacinda on my shoulder, both her and Robert had fallen asleep and
Ben carried him along with the diaper bag. We made our way down the
corridor to the main terminal, with Ray, Stan and Frannie close behind. I
saw that the airport was very crowded when we rounded the corner, and was
surprised to see Meg and Lt. Welsh there.  

When we approached them, I was about to ask why when were bombarded by a
surge of people. Cameras were flashing and everyone started talking at
once, as they rushed towards us. Dief growled as I stopped dead in my
tracks and looked up at Ben, who at first looked as shocked as myself,
then his face hardened and he hoisted the diaper bag to his shoulder and
placed his hand in the small of my back, guiding me to the side to the
throng. 

Meg and the Lieutenant pushed their way up to us. 

"I'm sorry, somehow the story of the kidnapping leaked and they pounced
like a wolf on a fresh kill." Meg said and Dief gave an indignant bark. 

Welsh, Ray and Stan quickly moved into the crowd to try and get them to
leave. It worked for the most part, but a few overly insistent reporters
managed to come up to us. 

"Mrs. Fraser, how does it feel to know your husbands ex-girlfriend is
responsible for kidnapping your baby?" A woman asked me. 

"Were you responsible for Victoria Metcalf's death?" Another reporter
asked Ben. 

"That's enough!" Meg replied curtly as she used her one hand to push the
nearest reporter back and the other to indicate a direction we should head
in. 

Both the babies were awake now and crying as I followed Ben in the general
direction Meg pointed, and soon we were down a back corridor away from the
hounds. 

I leaned against the wall as I tried to quiet Jacinda. This had not been
what I was expecting at all! Ben looked over at me with a frown on his
face while he rubbed Robert's back. 

"They will probably follow us around at least for the next few days until
another story comes around that's more interesting to them." 

That wasn't something I wanted to hear, but I knew it was true. Everyone
joined us plus a security officer from the airport, and we quickly made
our way down to a couple of squad cars. Luckily, we didn't have anymore
run ins and got to our apartment in record time. 

Ben unlocked the door and tossed his keys on the credenza, sighing. The
babies were asleep again, and we headed into the nursery to put them down.
I was drained from the past week, but I couldn't let it show. Not while
Ben had so much he had to work through. Briefly, I glanced down at the
bruises still on my arms, though they were a shade lighter now. 

I was surprised when Ben left the nursery without saying anything to me.
Normally, there is a touch, a whispered word, something. After a minute, I
followed him into the living room and stood in the doorway, uncertain as
he closed the curtains. 

"Are you hungry? I can make you something to eat, or maybe you would like
to lie down..." My voice trailed off. 

"No, thank you. I'm fine." He paused then added "Perhaps I'll lie down for
a little while." 

"Oh, ok." I had been walking towards him slowly as I spoke, and reached up
to touch him, but he pulled back, and took my hand in his, giving it a
light kiss. 

"I won't be too long." He said as he went into the bedroom, and I
distinctly heard the lock on the door engage. 

With my mouth hanging open, I stood looking at the closed door. 'Did he
just lock me out of the bedroom?' I sat down in the living room and looked
at the clock, it was only two thirty. Not knowing what else to do, I
turned on the TV and started to flip through the channels. 

******** 

It wasn't too long before I heard Ben call out so I headed down the hall.
By the time I neared the door, I realized he was having a nightmare, and
tried desperately to open it to no avail. Dief was whining, and pacing
back and forth. 

"Ben!" I called out, hoping it would wake him, and pounded on the door,
but it didn't help. 

"Ben please, wake up!" Like all the other nightmares, nothing seems to
wake him. After about ten minutes of being able to do nothing but listen
to his anguish on the other side of the door, I felt an overwhelming wave
of nausia, and bolted to the bathroom.	

Shakily, I rinsed out my mouth and splashed water on my face. That was the
third time this happened since finding Robert. I checked the bedroom door
one last time before heading into the living room spent, and I stretched
out on the couch feeling cold and alone as I cried into the pillow. Dief
came up and tried to nuzzle my hand, but I didn't even have enough
strength to pet him. 

 

Ben stared down at Analise as she slept on the sofa, noting the dried tear
streaks. She looked pale. He sighed deeply and took the throw off the back
of the couch covering her up. He knew he hurt her when he pulled away
earlier, but being back in the apartment, knowing *that* woman had watched
their every move for weeks, he felt even more violated. Ben needed to get
away from Analise, away from the eyes filled with concern and worry.  

Ben ran his hands across his face and sat down on a chair opposite her,
watching her rhythmic breathing. After getting the test results from the
doctor, Ben was at first relieved, but it quickly changed to guilt. The
tests he asked for weren't for him and he didn't feel right bringing up
the subject with anyone. Analise and everyone had assumed the results the
doctor gave them for *his* tests, were the ones he was worried about, but
they weren't.  

Part of him couldn't even believe he asked the doctor to do what he did,
but Ben couldn't live with not knowing. He was relieved when the doctor
pulled him aside the other day and told him that there had been no
indication of sex for at least the past 48 hours when they examined
Victoria. He didn't penetrate her. All her efforts had been in vain. A
full coroner's report would be available next week, and because of his
position he would be able to review it. 

Ben studied the woman across from him and more than anything wanted to
take her into his arms, he couldn't though. He couldn't trust himself
around her when he slept. Yesterday he overheard her tell Maggie about him
having nightmares, and how at one point, he held her so tight she had to
struggle to breath. His nightmares were becoming worse he knew, and the
only way he could protect her was to make sure she wasn't near him when he
slept. His dreams were starting to become more violent, and at one point
last night, he was sure that it was Victoria beside him. Just as he was
about to choke her, Robert cried waking him up, and Ben realized he was
only a few inched from wrapping his hand around Analise's throat.
Realizing what happened, he stayed up the rest of the night, horrified at
not being able to control himself. The last thing he would do is hurt her
again, Ben vowed. He would just have to make it up to her when he was
awake. He thought to himself.  

Ben wanted to tell her everything that was going on inside him, but she
had been through so much lately, all because of him, and he wouldn't put
any more burdens on her. Knowing the babies would be up soon, he headed
into the kitchen and started to make a light supper for Analise and
himself. 

 

I stretched and quickly grasped my shoulder as a muscle spasm went through
it, hissing through my teeth. Man those things are painful. I felt a hand
on my shoulder and opened my eyes, turning my head a little to see Ben
standing behind the couch, gently rubbing the offending muscle. He seemed
fine, the tired look in his eyes wasn't as prominent, and he gave me a
small smile.  

"I made us dinner, if you prefer, I can bring it over to you." He said
quietly. I finally sat up, and ran my hand through my hair, pulling it out
of my way. Ben's hand went from my shoulder, to my cheek as he caressed it
lightly. 

"No, I'll get up." I said pulling the blanket off me, and Ben walked
around to my side of the couch, took my hand and pulled me into his
embrace. 

We stood like that for a long time, well, it seemed like a long time
anyway. Eventually, he pulled back and smiling, led me to the dining room
table. The dish did look wonderful, garlic chicken breasts with string
beans and two very large glasses of milk. Ben held the chair out for me
and made sure I was comfortable before sitting down himself. 

"It looks good" I said and meant it. 

As he smiled and dug into his meal, I picked up my fork and did my best to
eat. I just haven't had an appetite at all lately. After about five
minutes, Ben looked up with concern. 

"If it isn't to your liking, I can make you something else" he started. 

"No, it's great Ben." I assured him and braced myself as I took a big bite
of chicken. It really did taste good. He went back to eating and I did my
best to finish my food. Eventually one of the babies woke but before I
could get up, Ben did, telling me to finish my dinner. 

No sooner was he out of the room, I called Dief over and fed him the rest
of the chicken, along with most of the beans. By the time Ben came out
holding the babies, I had my plate rinsed in the sink. 

"Finished already?" He asked with a slight teasing quality "you must have
been starved" 

I smiled and took one of the babies from him. "It was good." I said and
that wasn't a lie. My stomach still felt queasy from my latest episode
though, and I knew if I told him, he'd worry about me, and he had enough
to worry about for now. 

 

********* 

Ben reached across Analise and picked up his watch from the night stand.
1:20 am. He sighed and looked down at the sleeping form curled against
him. Earlier that evening when it came time for bed, Ben had every
intention of sleeping in the living room. Just as he was about to tell
Analise, give her some excuse, he looked at her and realized she was
almost ready to cry. So instead he took her in his arms, led her to the
bedroom, and removed her clothes before removing his own. He smiled when
he thought of how her eyes grew wide as he led her to the bed... It seemed
to take forever for her to fall asleep though, and he gently rubbed her
back until her felt her muscles relax. 

Ben's eyes closed and he gasped as Analise snuggled deeper into his chest,
her arm wrapping around him, as her leg tangled with his own. The
silkiness of her skin combined with the heat radiating from her body made
him want to crush her body to his. A pain shot through his groin when he
responded to her, and he let out a shaky breath willing himself to calm
down. 

When she had first fell asleep, Ben had every intention of going to the
living room. Every time he tried to move though, she would wake up. Ben
forced himself to stay awake, he couldn't take the chance of hurting her.
Knowing that it was getting more difficult to keep his eyes open, he used
all of his resolve to untangle himself from Analise and made sure she was
covered well. Pulling on a T-shirt and boxers, Ben quietly checked on the
babies before heading into the living room. Taking the throw from the
couch, he spread it on the floor and laid down, hoping he wouldn't have
another nightmare. 

********** 

I opened my eyes to see Ben fastening his sam brown. Noticing I was awake,
he smiled. 

"Good morning" Ben walked over to the bed and placing a hand on each side
of me, leaned down to kiss my lips. "How did you sleep?" 

I stretched exposing a breast from beneath the sheet and wrapped my arms
around his neck trapping him when he tried to pull away. 

"I need to go to work" he said gently when he realized he was stuck. 

Frowning, I let him go and watched as he straightened his uniform. 

"Meg isn't going to be expecting you to go back to work yet Ben. Why don't
you stay here today?" I sat up and reached for my satin robe. 

Ben sighed and picking up his stetson, fingered the brim. When he started
to speak, he didn't make eye contact with me. 

"I've missed too much time already. I need to see what's going on." Ben
looked at me and tried to smile. "I'll come home at lunch time, OK?" 

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak as my heart sank, and tied the robe
to go make breakfast. I was taken aback when Ben headed for the door, we
always ate breakfast together before he went to work. 

I quickly spoke before he reached the door. "What would you like for
breakfast?" I held my breath as watched as Ben's posture stiffened.
Walking over to him, I placed my hand on his arm. "We are eating breakfast
aren't we?" 

"I..uh..already ate. I wasn't expecting you to wake up so early." 

"Oh" Ben kissed my cheek. 

"See you at lunch" he said as he placed his hat on his head. I watched him
leave and after shutting the door, opened the curtains, and stepped out
onto the patio to watch as he walked down the street out of view. 

*** 

I had just finished nursing Robert when there was a knock on the door.
Holding him on my shoulder, I opened it to see two men, one was holding a
camera. "Mrs. Fraser? Bill Garner, Chicago Daily." He held out his hand "I
wanted to ask you a few questions about the kidnapping." 

"No comment" I said and tried to shut the door, but the man who spoke
blocked it with his hand as he became more insistent. 

"It will only take a few minutes." The second man started snapping
pictures, temporarily blinding me, as the first forced the door open
further. 

When they tried to step through, Dief raised his hackles and took off
after the two men, who upon seeing the wolf, tripped over themselves
trying to get down the hall. Dief chased after them and I sand to my knees
by the still open door, trying not to become hysterical. 

I could hear yelling from down the hall and a few minutes later Dief
trotted back into the apartment, a camera hanging by it's strap from his
mouth, his stance proud. 

Dief placed the camera at my feet and whined at me, nudging me with his
nose. 

"Good boy" I said shakily as I rubbed him behind the ears. 

I about screamed when a figure appeared in the doorway. When I realized it
was Frannie, I started crying with relief and she immediately knelt by me.


"Analise! What's wrong?" She took Robert from me and shut the door. "What
happened?" 

I shook my head "It was just some reporters. They tried to force their way
in but Dief scared them off. I guess I over reacted," I took a deep breath
"It just, uh.. Reminded me when those other guys forced their way in and
took me..." I finished barely above a whisper. 

Anger flashed across her face "Some people just don't know when to stop,
I'm calling Ray." She said as she headed towards the phone. 

"No, don't do that." She stopped to look at me "I'm sure they won't be
stupid enough to try that again, not after Dief went after them." I also
didn't want Ben to find out, he always worries too much about me as it is.
Looking at the camera, I opened it and ripped the film out. 

"Ray can have them arrested." She argued. 

"No, I don't want Ben to worry." 

Understanding crossed her face and she placed Robert in his carrier "How's
he doing anyway?" She asked. 

"I'm not sure" I admitted "he won't talk to me about any of it." 

"Not at all?" 

I shook my head no. 

"Well, I'm sure he will when he's ready." She said trying to comfort me. 

"What are you doing here?" I finally thought to ask. 

"I didn't have to go back to work until tomorrow, so I thought the two of
you might want some help," she looked around "where is Fraser anyway?" 

"He went to work." 

Frannie shook her head and I continued "He said he'd come home for lunch
later" I looked at my watch, still about an hour to go.  

"So what do you want to do?" She asked as she rummaged through the fridge
and pulled out two Pepsi's, handing one to me. "Thanks" I thought for a
minute "well, the one thing I *don't* want to do is answer the door. But I
am really back logged with work for Goddess Creations. I was hoping to get
some done this morning but if Robert isn't fussing, JC is. 

"I'll watch them. You get whatever you need done." 

"Are you sure?" I asked, but she waved a hand at me, already talking to
the babies and grabbing at their feet. 

Smiling, I sat down at the computer and turned on the lamp. More than once
I wanted to move my work station to get some natural sunlight, but there
just wasn't any available areas left. 

I must have gotten caught up in my work, because the next thing I knew,
Dief barked and I looked up to see Ben walk in. 

A big smile crossed my face and I turned off the computer and went over to
greet him. 

"I missed you." I said as I took his stetson from him, tossed it onto the
credenza and took his hands wrapping them around my waist. 

"I can tell" he teased and hugged me to him, as he buried his head in my
neck, and inhaled deeply. I wonder if he knew that when he does that to
me, I become aroused. 

"I missed you too" he whispered into my neck. When he stopped and pulled
back, I turned to see what caught his attention. He pulled away and
walking towards the patio doors, closed the curtains. When he looked back
at me, his eyes were wide and his breathing shallow. 

"What's wrong Ben?" I crossed the room to him, and he closed his eyes
briefly. When he looked at me again, his face was schooled. 

"Nothing I just, ah..."  

I looked at him hard, that was the biggest 'nothing' I ever saw. Frannie
picked that moment to come out of the nursery. 

"Oh hi Frase' I didn't know you were home." She turned to me then "they're
finally asleep, so I'm gonna head out." 

"Thanks Frannie" I said and walked her to the door. After I locked it, I
turned back to Ben. "Now tell me what's going on" I demanded. 

Ben sat on the couch and ran his hands through his hair as he leaned back.
"I can't stop thinking of her spying on us. " he said quietly. 

I hadn't even thought of that. Of course that would bother him. "I'm sorry
Ben, I didn't realize. I'll make sure we keep the curtains drawn." 

Ben reached over and hugged me to his chest "thank you." 

Dief let out a rasp of a bark and a slight whine as he looked at Ben,
which caused him to push me back a little to stare at my face. 

"There was trouble?" He asked me. My mouth dropped open and I glared at
the wolf, causing him to whine and slink away. 

I sat up and looked at my hands "it was nothing really."  

"Analise" his voice let me know he wanted the whole story. His hand came
out and caressed my cheek, then lifted my chin so I would look at him. 

I swallowed hard "there were some reporters here earlier. I told them I
didn't want to talk and they tried to...to force their way into the
apartment. Dief stopped them." 

Ben drew in a sharp breath and stood up. I watched as he headed for the
phone. 

"What are you doing?" I asked 

"Calling the station. What they did was illegal." 

"Ben please!" I said as I went over to him and put my hand on his arm.
"Let's just forget about it, OK? They won't try to come back, Dief made
sure of that." 

He looked as if he was still going to call for a minute, but finally
replaced the phone. "Thank you." I said softly and Dief came up with a
camera. Ben leaned down and picked it up.  

"I take it this belongs to the men?" He asked giving me a sideways glance.
I nodded and he looked at the wolf, "Good boy Dief." Dief barked and
trotted off to the dining room. He then looked at me with such concern, it
almost broke my heart "They didn't hurt you, did they?" 

I shook my head no. 

There was a knock on the door and I jumped. Ben saw my reaction and
immediately went to open it. "Who is it?"  

"Delivery" Carefully he cracked the door and then opened it further. "Sign
here" the man said. After Ben thanked him and shut the door, he took the
card from a large bouquet of flowers. I took them and sniffed their
delicate scent. "Who are they from?" 

He handed me the card as he spoke "The 27th. everyone at the station sends
their good wishes on having Robert back." 

"That was so sweet of them." I said and went to place them in some water.
A few minutes later I came out and noticed Ben had changed into sweats and
a shirt. 

"What are you doing?" I asked  

"I decided to stay here the rest of the day."  

I knew it was because of me, and I smiled with relief. 

 

************ 

I stepped onto the curb and Ben handed me the baby carriers. I watched as
he paid the cab driver and when he turned to me he was smiling. He took
one of the carriers and placed his hand on the small of my back, leading
me up to the front porch. He was grinning at me like a Cheshire cat and I
had to smile back. I hadn't seen him this relaxed since this whole ordeal
started. 

"What?" I asked. 

"Did I tell you how much I love you today?" 

"Not yet" I slid closer to him. 

"I love you." He whispered as he leaned closer. I reached up and he
tentatively kissed me. The heat of our connection sent a gasp through me,
parting my lips and Ben took advantage of the opportunity by sliding his
toung inside, exploring. 

The door opened and Ray made a face at us. "Aw geez- give a guy a warning
will ya? Don't you two ever get tired of playing tonsil hockey?" 

Ben ended the kiss smiling down at me. When Ray turned to go back inside
leaving the door open I started to follow when Ben spun me around giving
me one more quick kiss. As I stared at him wide eyed and breathless, he
smiled broadly and went inside. Shaking my head, I followed him. 

Meg, Stan and Lt. Welsh had also been invited to the Vecchios for dinner
and we joined everyone in the living room.  

"About time you two get here, I'm starving!" Stan said causing Frannie to
whack him on the arm. 

"Ow!" He put his hands up in mock defense "just kidding" 

She looked over at us, "dinner isn't ready yet, Mr. Impatient here is just
trying to be funny." 

Ben gave me a look and I knew what it meant, 'something's never change'. 

Maria and Ma came in from the kitchen and started to fuss over the babies.
Although we had been back three days, this was the first time we were able
to come over to visit. Ma started to get upset when she saw the bruises
and bandage on Robert, and it took both Ben and Ray to calm her down.
Afterwards, Ben made his way back into the living room looking around for
a place to sit. He finally came over and held his hands out to me, pulling
me to him. After caressing my shoulders, he sat down in the spot I just
vacated, bringing me onto his lap. 

"Ben!" I protested in a reproachful whisper "I'm too heavy, I'll hurt
you." 

He whispered back "you won't hurt me if you sit still." 

I stopped trying to get up and heard Ben sigh as he pulled my into his
chest, his arms went around my waist and he locked his hands in place
across my stomach. I placed mine on top of his, slowly trailing my fingers
up his forearm, then back down to his hands. 

Dinner was finally called and we made our way into the dining room. I felt
a slight edge of panic well through me when I saw all the food prepared.
For the past few days I had barely been able to keep down light foods. How
was I going to make it through dinner? 

After Ben pushed my chair in, Dief positioned himself at my feet, thumping
his tail in anticipation. Over the past few days I had gotten in the habit
of giving the food I couldn't eat to him. I knew Ben would notice if I put
it in the garbage. 

As the dishes were passed around, I took the smallest amount possible
without making anyone think something was amiss.  

The dinner conversation was the usual for the Vecchio table. Maria let
everyone know the latest escapades of the children, Tony harassed
everyone. Ray was simultaneously arguing with Frannie over who gets the
last of the lasagna, and with Stan and Lt. Welsh over who the best
baseball player the Chicago Cubs ever had. Over by my side of the table,
Meg was filling Ben in on the latest diplomatic affair coming up at the
consulate. I lost interest after the first fifteen minutes and found it
more interesting to listen to the guys argue over sports.  

Everyone was having a great time, Ben and myself included and I was glad
that no one seemed to notice I wasn't really eating. No one except Ma that
is. I thought she was busy talking to Robert in-between eating her dinner,
but that woman doesn't miss a thing. Before she could say anything, I
started eating and she smiled, then focused her attention back on the
baby. 

Every once in a while, Ben would glance at me or squeeze my thigh under
the table causing me to smile. I was surprised that I didn't feel queasy
or nauseous and after the first few bites, I felt myself relax more.
Although I still couldn't eat a lot, it was a good feeling to know that I
*could* eat. 

By the time we moved into the living room for coffee, I felt like my old
self. Ben sat on the end of the couch at a slight angle so my back was
partially on his chest. I was so comfortable...then JC started to fuss and
I sighed. There was no way I could nurse her in front of a whole room of
people. Reluctantly, I kissed Ben's palm as I unwrapped myself from his
embrace and took her from Frannie. 

"Would you like some help?" He asked and I smiled at him. 

"No I got it." I gave him a look that let him know how much I loved him,
then headed up to Ma's room. 

 

Ray was still arguing with Harding and Stan about sports, but Ben noticed
they had now moved on to ice hockey. He was about to offer them a
diplomatic compromise to their disagreement, when Meg interrupted his
thoughts. 

"Ben, tomorrow I don't want you reporting to work." She started out
saying. He still thought it strange how she didn't go back to calling him
'constable' or 'Fraser'. Although he understood the premise behind it,
tragedy's always bring people closer together, he had assumed she would
have reverted to her old ways by now. Not that he minded her calling him
by his first name, but it left him in a quandary as to how to address her.
When they were simply socializing, Meg would seem to be apt, however they
were speaking about work and he felt himself at a loss. 

Finally Ben cleared his throat and settled on something he hoped was a
solution. "Ma'am?" 

Meg straightened "this weekend we will be having the Grecian, French and
Italian diplomats together for a dinner and I will need your services
then. Since the consulate has no extra money in the budget for overtime, I
want you to take tomorrow off. Friday and Saturday will be busy enough as
we make the preparations." 

"Understood."  

Maria was holding Robert and she came over to them, "Fraser, I think
Robert is hungry, do you want me to take him up to Analise?" 

Ben was about to tell her that he would do it, but Meg beat him to it.
"I'll take care of it Ben, I haven't had much of a chance to talk to
Analise since you've been back." 

She stood and took the baby from Maria, then headed up the stairs. 

Ray watched her go and looked over at Ben, his argument forgotten. "So the
dragon lady's giving you the day off?" Ben knew his friend was ribbing him
again. 

"Ray please, she is not a 'dragon lady', and my services will be needed at
the consulate this weekend." 

"You're right Fraser, she isn't a dragon lady" Stan piped in. 

Ben smiled at the blond haired man "Thank you Stan" 

He watched as Stan's smile grew wide and knew that meant no good. The cop
continued "She's an ice queen" 

Ray roared with laughter and Harding tried to stifle his. Ma and Maria
glared at the men and Ma shook her head, muttering something under her
breath. 

"Ramundo... You should have more respect for Meg, she is a beautiful
woman." Ma said. "She's smart, funny...." Her eyes took on what could only
be described as a mother's gleam "she would make a good mother." She
finished as she stared at her son. 

Ray looked like he was about to be hit with a car, and Stan cackled with
laughter. Even Ben who had tried not to, found himself laughing.  

"No! No way Ma. Don't even think about it." 

Ma just gave him a smile that he knew meant she wasn't listening to a word
he said. 

************** 

Sitting down in the antique rocking chair, I nursed JC and used my free
hand to run it along the grain of the wood. About a week after the babies
were born, Ma brought me up here and sat me in the chair so I could nurse
them. Her eyes took on a far away look as she told me the story of how the
chair came into her family's possession. All the generations nursed,
comforted, and rocked to sleep on the chair, herself included. 

At first I started to protest about using the chair. It was obviously very
special to her. I told her it was only for family but she insisted I was
part of her family. She went on to say that since Maria's children were
weaned, it's been only collecting dust. 

The door creaked open a bit and I looked up to see Meg standing there with
 Robert. 

"Robert decided he was hungry too." She said as she shut the door and sat
on the edge of the bed. 

"Thanks for bringing him up." We didn't say anything for a few minutes,
then Meg looked at me hard. 

"I hope you don't mind me saying so, but you look like a piece of crap."
Meg never was one to beat around the bush "you look worse now than when
you first came back. What's going on?" 

I sighed and looked out the window, rocking JC slowly as I decided on how
much to tell her. It was killing me keeping this all to myself. I knew Meg
wouldn't tell Ben so resolved, I looked back at her. 

"I'm really worried about Ben. Part of the time he acts fine, like nothing
was wrong. Just like tonight and it's great. The rest of the time, he's
distant, clams up and can't wait to get away from me. I don't know what to
do Meg. You know the first day we were back he locked me out of the
bedroom?" 

Meg couldn't believe what she just heard "Ben did?" 

I nodded my head "he's also been having nightmares..."my voice trailed off
with a choke "they're bad Meg, nothing I do seems to help. The last few
nights I haven't heard him call out, I hope they are going away... But
when he does have them, nothing I do seems to help." 

I was burping JC and the familiar fluttering started in my stomach again.
I quickly placed her on the bed beside Meg and rushed into the private
bathroom connected to Ma's room. A few minutes later I became aware of Meg
standing in the doorway. I rinsed my mouth and splashed water on my face
to wash away my tears, a routine I was becoming all too familiar with, and
shakily leaned against the sink as Meg handed me a towel. 

"How long?" She asked, her voice was hard. 

"For what?" My voice was barely above a whisper. I had a good idea what
she was asking. 

"How long have you been getting sick?" 

I looked away. "About a week now." 

"How often?" 

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "Sometimes only once a day.
Other days two or three times." 

"Have you seen a doctor about it yet?" 

"No I don't need to see a doctor. It's just stress. As soon as things calm
down it will go away." Seeing the look on her face I added strongly "I
don't want Ben to know, he has enough to worry about." 

Robert started to fuss from the other room, not giving Meg a chance to
answer. I picked him up and started to nurse him as she changed JC's
diaper. 

"If you don't tell him soon, I will." She finally said. 

"Meg don't! I told you it's no big deal." 

"Don't lie to me Analise! Your color is off, you have dark circles under
your eyes and no, the make up you have on isn't hiding them, plus your
voice is getting hoarse, probably from all the stomach acid you're
bringing up!" She was practically yelling and I was worried someone would
hear her. 

"Meg please! Keep your voice down." I nervously stood and opened the door
a little peeking out. No one seemed to be coming up the stairs and I shut
it again, making sure to lock it. 

"You don't understand Meg. Ever since the assault Ben is denying what he's
going through. He even keeps the curtains closed in the apartment that's
how traumatized he is just thinking about her watching us all that time.
I'm afraid if I tell him,... He'll not be able to deal with it." I
finished lamely. 

"I think what the both of you need is to sit down and tell each other what
is happening. If he knew that holding back form you was making you sick,
he would probably open up. Then the both of you could help each other." 

We heard a voice call up the stairs "hey are you gonna stay up there all
night?" It was Stan. 

"We'll be right down." I yelled back and looked at Meg. "Please don't tell
him. I'll meet you for lunch tomorrow at the park, our usual spot OK?" 

She hesitated and we could here the voice get closer. 

"Please Meg?" 

Stan jiggled the doorknob and I jumped. She looked at the door and back to
me. "Alright." 

I breathed a sigh of relief and Meg opened the door. "Is there a problem
detective?" She asked in her coolest voice. 

"I...uh..no. I guess not." He stammered as Meg pushed past him. I started
to change Robert's diaper and Stan looked at the departing back of Meg one
more time before turning his attention to me. 

"Oh Ray is going to have fun tonight" he said shaking his head and
laughing. 

"Why? What's going on?" 

He grinned at me "Mrs. Vecchio decided they would make a cute couple, and
she insisted that Ray drive her home." 

This I just had to see, so I finished changing Robert and we headed down
the stairs. 

****************** 

Ben was still chuckling over Ray's behavior as he unlocked the door. I had
to admit watching Ray act like he was two years old was hilarious. Meg
wasn't much better. As soon as she caught wind of what was happening, she
vehemently denied any pairing would work between the two of them. 

Ma simply listened to the both of them rant and rave, then told Ray to
drive Meg home in no uncertain terms. Even Meg knew better than to go
against Ma's wishes and reluctantly headed out the door with Ray. They
both acted like a couple of school kids being sent to the principal's
office. 

Stan was kind enough to offer us a ride home, and I guess he thought he
was being subtle when he asked if we'd heard from Maggie. Ben told him she
called yesterday, and assured him everything was still on schedule. 

We put the babies to bed and as I started to turn from Robert's crib, Ben
wrapped his arms around me and pressed his chest into my back, nuzzling my
neck in the process. Now this was the man I married. I turned in his arms,
wrapping mine around his neck. 

"Careful Constable, you might start something you aren't able to finish."
I teased as he pressed himself closer to me. 

"I believe I am more than capable of having you 'finish'. After all, I am
a Mountie." Ben replied and then ducked his head to place light kissed
from my lips to my neck. A moan escaped me in response, and that seemed to
urge Ben on. His hand came around and cupped my breast. 

"Ben" I whispered, partly in warning. He picked me up and carried me into
the bedroom, then placed me on the bed. Leaning me backwards, he covered
my body with his as he started to unbutton my blouse. Every time he would
expose another inch of skin, he would flick his toung out and briefly
taste the area. 

I gasped as all the sensations rolled through me, my back arching up to
him. No! I had to stop this. 

"Ben" I let out a small cry as his hand suddenly slipped down the front of
my pants. "Ben stop!" 

I didn't mean to yell, but he did stop and looked down at me. I closed my
eyes and tried to bring my body back under control. When I opened my eyes,
Ben had a hurt expression on his face. 

I took a deep breath and started "I'm sorry, I just want to wait until we
can be together fully. Just like you waited for me when the twins were
born." 

He looked at me for a few moments then the frown disappeared and he pulled
me into his embrace. "There's nothing to be sorry for. I..well... It's not
important." 

What Ben? Tell me." 

He gave me a light squeeze and let me go, standing up to unbutton his
shirt. "It was nothing. We had better turn in, it's getting late." 

Damn him! There he goes shutting me out again. I stood and finished
undressing and Ben held the covers back so I could slide in. After turning
out the light, I heard him climb in beside me. It was so dark I couldn't
see a thing with the curtains shut, and normally the faint light filtering
in through the french doors would outline Ben. Tentatively, I scooched
towards him, not wanting to hurt him, and when I was close enough, Ben
wrapped his arms around me. It wasn't long before I fell asleep to the
soothing rhythm of his breathing. 

************ 

I was woke by a muffled sound and listened closely, thinking it was one of
the babies. It turned into a moan and my heart leapt into my throat. 

"Ben...Ben wake up, there's someone in the living room." I whispered as I
reached over to shake him, but my hand met with air. I groped further on
his side of the bed but still nothing. Where was he? 

I turned on the light and waited as my eyes adjusted. Slipping my robe on,
I cautiously opened the door and peered down the darkened hallway. The
moans were louder now and I knew they were coming from Ben. Turning on the
hall light, I followed the sounds to see Ben lying on the floor behind the
couch. What was he doing sleeping in here? 

His head was moving from side to side and his face was wet with tears.
Occasionally an arm or leg would twitch. Dief was lying down by his head
whining. 

"Oh Ben.." I laid my body against his and wrapped my arms around him. 

Ben jerked wildly and yelled out "NO!" 

"Sshhh... I'm here Ben, you're safe." Bringing my one hand up, I ran it
through his hair as I spoke, and kissed his tears. As usual, nothing
seemed to help. His arms came around me and held me tight like they always
did. How long has Ben been sleeping in the living room? Was it just
tonight? I kept myself wrapped around him and eventually his nightmare
subsided.  

"Dief..." I whispered, knowing he couldn't hear me, but hoped for the
best. His nose appeared at the side of my face. "Get my pillow" he whined
and I watched as he sniffed us, then went to lay down under the dining
table. 

Sighing in frustration, I tried to get comfortable. Nothing was worse than
trying to talk to a deaf wolf in the dark. 

 

I was still awake when the first slivers of daylight shown through the
bottom of the curtains. Lifting my head, I looked down at Ben. He seemed
to be sleeping peacefully now, and his grip had loosened. I knew Ben would
probably be waking up soon, and after having half the night to think, I
decided not to ask him why he was sleeping here. The way I figured it, if
it was just a one time thing, he will probably apologize right off when I
wake up for leaving me alone in bed. If he doesn't well... I guess I'll
deal with that if the time comes. 

Slipping out of his embrace, I headed back into the bedroom, turning off
the lights. 

************** 

"Good morning" Ben said as he placed a tray on the night stand. "How did
you sleep?" 

I groggily looked up at him through squinted eyes. "What time it is?" 

He smiled down at me "seven o'clock." 

I groaned and closed my eyes. I had only left Ben an hour ago. That isn't
a lot of sleep. I felt Ben sit on the edge of the bed, and he leaned over
to kiss me. "I made you breakfast." 

Knowing he wasn't going to go away, and also that the babies would
probably be awake in a half hour, I reluctantly sat up, causing Ben to
smile. He reached over and placed the tray on my lap. Caffeine, I need
caffeine. Although I don't drink coffee, right now I would have killed for
a cup. I was grateful to see that Ben did have a cup of hot tea for me, so
hopefully that would do the trick. 

"I'm sorry..." He started and I breathed a sigh of relief. Last night was
only a fluke. "It appears that we are out of pepsi. I can run down to the
store to get some as soon as you are up." 

That was it? He's sorry about the pepsi? What about last night? "Don't
worry about it." 

I took a piece of toast and started to nibble on it, and Ben stood. "I'm
going to check on the babies." 

When he reached the door I called out. "Ben...how did you sleep last
night?" I saw him falter for a minute, and he didn't turn around when he
replied.  

"The same as usual." He left the room then and I knew. Thinking about it,
he probably hadn't slept with me the entire time we've been back. Now what
do I do? If I bring it up, he will just shut me out like he always
does.... 

Sighing, I looked down at the food on the tray. Knowing it was futile to
even try, I pushed it aside and got up to get a shower. 

 

It was a few hours later that I went into the bedroom and changed into a
pair of jogging shorts and a sports top. I hadn't been able to go jogging
since everything happened, and I needed the time to think. I snapped my
fanny pack on and headed into the kitchen. On the way through, Ben who was
sitting in the living room with the babies, glanced at me. 

"Going out?" 

I took an ice cold water bottle from the fridge and slid it into the
compartment on the pack. 

"Yeah, you don't mind do you?" 

"Not a-tall. Just be careful."	

I rolled my eyes at him, knowing that he couldn't resist adding that. He
hoisted JC to his shoulder and came over to me. 

"Why don't you take dief with you? He could use the exercise." 

"All right." I reached up to kiss him, and then looked at the wolf. "You
heard him Dief, let's go." 

He whined but slowly stood and followed me. 

"How long do you think you'll be gone?" Ben asked. 

"I don't know, a couple of hours?" 

He walked me to the door "see you then. I love you." He leaned over and
cupped the side of my face, then kissed me gently. 

"I love you too Ben." I said softly. So why won't you talk to me? I
thought to myself. 

"Dief, protect her."  

Dief barked in agreement and we headed out. 

 

I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings as I jogged through
the streets of Chicago, my thoughts turned inward. I really didn't know
how much more I could take. I love him with my whole being, but it's
killing me that he doesn't want to open up. It wasn't long before I found
myself going along the harbor of Lake Michigan. The water was beautiful as
the morning sun glistened off of it. There were hundreds of small boats
moored to the docks, and a small part of me wished that I could take one
out.  

About three blocks further down, I passed a boat rental shop. 'Maybe we
can come out here one day' I mused as I looked at my watch and continued
on to the park. I was supposed to meet Meg in 45 minutes, giving me a half
hour to get there, and fifteen minutes to rest. I felt myself getting
winded faster than I normally do, and figured it was because I had been
lax on keeping up with my routine. It didn't help that it was hotter than
all hell either. That's one thing I will not miss about Chicago, the
scorching summers. 

 

By the time I reached the park entrance, I was starting to feel
lightheaded. I looked down at Dief, but he seemed to be no worse for wear.
I thought about stopping for water, but looking at my watch, it had taken
longer than I expected to get here, and Meg would be waiting in a few
minutes. I still had to get to the other side of the park! 

I took a deep breath and picked up my pace, knowing I could rest soon. My
lips were starting to tingle, and I had no choice but to slow down. I
figured I had exercised enough for one day and started to walk. My steps
faltered slightly and Dief whined at me. I looked around for a place to
sit, but my vision was blurring in and out. Just a few more steps.... 

 

Dief whined beside the prone body of Analise, nudging her to no avail.
Looking around for other humans, he barked, but upon seeing the large
animal, they quickly went on their way. He sniffed her one more time, then
lifting his muzzle, sniffed the air and took off around a large hedge. 

*********** 

Ben went out onto the patio after Analise left, and watched her as she
stretched her muscles, then took off at a brisk pace. He continued to
watch until she was out of site, then his gaze drifted the apartment
building across the street, and quickly left the patio, making sure to
draw the curtains closed. 

'What is wrong with me? She's dead, I saw it with my own eyes. It's silly
for me to act like this. I'm a Mountie for goodness sake!' He sighed and
placed JC in her carrier. The apartment seemed so dark, dismal really with
hardly any light filtering in. Suddenly an unbidden memory played across
Ben's mind, and he remembered a time last year when Analise was pregnant,
and he had just started to spend most of his nights here with her. 

She was staring out the patio doors, looking at the sunset. He wrapped his
arms around her.... 

"You know, if you don't move soon, you will wear ruts in the carpet." Ben
said quietly. 

Analise chuckled, "I can't help it Ben, I love the view here. That's why I
took this apartment. Of course, I never really paid attention to the
sunset until I met you." 

 

He sighed, she always left the curtains open. Always, and because he was
acting like a coward, she did without. Making up his mind, Ben shakily
opened the curtains fully, then went into the bedroom and did the same
thing. 

Ben ran his hands through his hair nervously after it was done and headed
into the kitchen to make a cup of bark tea, hoping it would calm him down.


He kept checking his watch as he waited for the water to boil. It just
wasn't like him to be so jumpy. Knowing he couldn't keep going the way he
had been, Ben made a decision. He was going to tell Analise what he's been
feeling. He wasn't oblivious to the looks of hurt she tried not to show
him, and knowing it was because she was worried about him made Ben ache.
Though Ben could barely bring himself to purposely think of what happened
those few days out in the tundra, he would relive the memories for her.
Who knows, perhaps it would help him let go of his fear. 

'She deserves better than what I've been giving her. I will tell her
everything' Feeling immensely better already, Ben fixed his tea and went
into the living room to wait for her to return. 

He was rinsing his cup in the sink when he heard a knock on the door.  

"Stan " he smiled at his friend "what are you doing here?" 

"I didn't come at a bad time did I?" Stan looked around the apartment when
Ben moved back to let him in. 

"No, not a-tall." 

Stan sat down on the couch and grinned up at his friend.  

"You seem to be in a good mood." 

"That I am Benton Buddy. Guess what I got passes to? Go ahead, guess." 

Ben smiled down at his friend. With Stan it could be just about anything.
"I have no idea." "Well guess Fraser. It's no fun if you don't try." 

Ben sat opposite his friend, and thought of what would excite him so. What
would he want passes to? Certainly not theatrical in nature. He also knew
museums were a long shot. Sports. Yes that's it. But which one? He racked
his brain but no teams his friend was interested in were playing at the
moment. 

"I give up." He finally said. 

Stan sighed "you know, sometimes I think you do this to me on purpose." 

"Do what Stan?" 

"Never mind. Anyway, I got us two passes to see a pre season practice of
the Blackhawks!" He looked at his watch. "Starts in one hour so get
ready." 

Ben smiled to himself, it was sports. 

"I'm afraid I won't be able to attend with you Stan, Analise is out and I
have the babies." 

The blond man frowned. "Where is she anyway?" 

"She's out jogging." 

"Come on Fraser you gotta go! It will be no fun by myself."  

Ben knew how much this meant to his friend and if he thought about it, how
long could it take anyway? He started to ready the babies. 

"All right, let me get some things together for Robert and Jacinda." 

"You're not planning on taking them with us are you?" Not that Stan had
anything against the babies, he loved them. But this was a guy thing. 

"No Stan we can go get Analise and then bring everyone back here." 

Stan started to get frustrated "that could take forever! She could be
anywhere." 

"Not necessarily" Ben looked up from the diaper bag he was filling "I know
her usual jogging route and taking into consideration the amount of time
that has elapsed since she left, she should be leaving the far side of the
park in approximately ten minutes." 

Stan stopped the pacing he had started and looked at Ben "you memorized
her jogging route?" 

Ben blushed a little "I feel safer knowing where she's at." 

Stan smiled a little "Does Analise know that you did that?"  

Now Ben was really turning bright red. If he had been wearing his uniform,
Stan didn't think he would be able to tell where the material ended and
his face began. Shaking his head, he decided to let the subject drop.
"Come on, pitter patter, let's get at 'er." 

Ben hoisted the diaper bag on his shoulder and took one of the baby
carriers and Stan took the other. 

*********** 

Meg looked at her watch one more time. She was growing impatient waiting
on Analise. The information she learned last night coupled with seeing her
friend become ill, had made her uneasy, and she was going to convince her
today to talk to Ben. 

Diefenbaker bounded into view and headed towards her. "It's about time!"
She muttered. "Where's Analise?" 

Dief whined and pulled on the hem skirt, then moved a few feet away and
looked back at her and whined again. Meg stood and Dief bounded out of
view around a large shrub. A few seconds later he appeared again and
whined at her. 

She started to follow him, and as soon as she cleared the shrub she saw
Analise about twenty feet in front of her, lying on the ground. 

"Oh dear God." Meg hurried towards the still form and gently rolled her
over, then checked for a pulse. Finding it steady, she let out a breath. 

"Analise." Meg shook her gently as was relieved to see her eyelids
flutter. "Analise wake up."  

 

I opened my eyes and immediately closed them against the bright light. 

"Come on Analise, you need to get up." Shielding my eyes I opened them to
see Meg looking down at me. 

"Meg?" I started to sit up an she put her arms around my back to help me. 

"What happened?" She asked as she took my water bottle and handed it to
me. 

"I was jogging and felt dizzy... I must have passed out." I drank some
water then Meg helped me over to a bench.  

She dug in her purse and pulled out her cell phone. 

"What are you doing?" I was still feeling lightheaded, and rested my head
in my hands. 

"Calling Ben. You need to see a doctor." 

Opening my mouth, I had every intention of talking her out of calling him
but she cut me off. 

"I don't want to hear it. I'm calling and you are going to tell him what's
going on." 

I sulked as she dialed the number and waited. 

"Damn, there's no answer. Did Ben say where he was going?" 

I shook my head no and drank more water. A temporary reprieve was better
than nothing. Meg looked around. 

"I didn't bring my car. It's five blocks to the consulate, do you think
you can make it?" 

I nodded and stood. We walked slowly across the park and Meg kept glancing
at me. I felt horrible for having scared her so much, but this was making
me feel very uncomfortable. Dief stayed by my side and a few times I
almost tripped over him. 

"This really isn't necessary Meg, I can take a cab home." I said quietly. 

"No one is there right now and I'm not leaving you alone. Besides, the
consulate is closer." 

When we reached the end of the park, Meg stopped me and took hold of my
wrist. She used her other hand to feel my forehead and the side of my
face. 

"Sit down" she ordered and ushered me over to a bench. Taking my water
bottle, she poured some down my neck. "Stay here and try to drink some
more." 

I realized when she walked to the curb, she was going to hail a cab. This
day just keeps getting worse. Finally one pulled up and when she looked
back at me, I was already walking towards her. When we reached the
consulate, I insisted on paying for the taxi. 

I was planning on waiting for Ben in his office, knowing Meg had a lot of
work to do for this weekend, but no sooner were we inside did she hook her
arm in mine. 

"Let's go." 

"Where?" 

"You are going to lie down until Ben gets here." She led me to the stairs,
but I stopped and pulled my arm out from hers. 

"I don't need to lie down." 

Meg's back straightened and she gave me her best 'commanding' look. "You
will either lie down now, or I'm calling Mrs. Vecchio." 

"You can't be serious! Look Meg, I am not the first person to faint. I
just pushed myself too hard is all." 

She didn't reply as she walked over to the desk in the lobby and picked up
the phone. 

"All right! I'll lie down." I conceded. The last thing I needed was Ma
fussing over me. Satisfied, she smiled as she came back over. 

"I thought you'd see things my way." 

"As if you gave me a choice."  

Meg waited until I was laying down and felt my forehead one more time. 

"Happy now?" 

"Yes. I'll be right back." She said and after she left, I glanced around
the room. I didn't even know the consulate had bedrooms. Ben used to sleep
on a cot in his office, so why didn't he just sleep here? 

Meg came back a few minutes later carrying a tray. She handed me a pill
and a glass of water. 

"What is it?" I asked looking at the oblong pill. 

"A vitamin." I took it and then laid back down. When Meg took a cold cloth
and placed it on my forehead, I sighed. 

"Meg, you are going overboard now." 

She ignored me as she pulled a chair closer. "Did you eat today?"  

Reluctantly I shook my head no.  

"You of all people should know better." She scolded. Then more quietly
added "I know that you don't want to tell Ben what you are feeling right
now, but you need to. He is stronger than what you give him credit for.
The last thing he would ever want to do is hurt you, and how do you thinks
he's going to feel when he finds out that's exactly what he's been doing?
If you don't tell him on your own and he finds out from someone else..." 

"I know" I said cutting her off. There was no need for her to finish the
sentence. "I'll talk to him today, I promise." 

"Good, get some sleep, and I'll try to reach Ben again." She stood and
walked to the door. 

"Meg?"	

She turned back towards me. 

"Thank you-- for everything." Smiling, she left and I closed my eyes
trying to relax. 

*************** 

"I don't see her."  

Ben tried to ignore Stan as he looked at his watch for the tenth time. She
should have been there almost twenty minutes ago. 

"May I use your phone Stan? Perhaps we missed her and she's back at the
apartment." 

He dug it out and handed it to Ben, sighing deeply. They had less than a
half hour to make it to the practice. Ben dialed the number and waited.
Finally hanging up and started to dial another number. 

"Who are you calling now?" 

"Ray." He held up his hand to silence Stan as Ray picked up.  

"Hi Ray, it's Fraser. Has Analise been by the station at all today?......
What about Francesca?....... I see..... No, I'm sure it's nothing. Thank
you kindly."  

"Well?" Stan was getting pretty impatient now and it showed in his voice. 


"She hasn't been at the station today. Would you mind terribly if we just
drove her route? It won't take long." 

Stan sighed. He knew there was no way he was going to make it to the
practice. "Sure Fraser. No problem" 

Ben searched all the faces they passed on the street. She wasn't there,
and the familiar tightening settled in his loins as it always did when he
feared her to be in danger. Taking a deep breath, he fought his misgivings
back down. 

Stan noticed the emotions playing across Fraser's face, which in itself
was odd. He normally kept his feelings hidden. The Mountie was really
worried. With everything they had been through lately, who could blame
him. He thought of Maggie for a moment and if the roles were reversed and
she was the one missing... Stan took a deep breath to shake that thought
from his head. 

"Uh...you know...she probably just went into someplace cool and
air-conditioned to get away from this heat." He said trying to comfort his
friend. 

Ben absentmindedly shook his head no "she would have called" 

Stan's cell phone rang "get that for me will ya?" He asked Ben. 

Ben pushed the on button "Detective Stanley Kowalski's mobile office.
Constable Benton Fraser speaking. How may I be of assistance?" 

"Fraser!" Stan yelled "just say hello." 

Ben looked over at him then turned his attention back to the caller. "Yes
I'm here..... She is?... Thank you kindly." He hung up the phone and
smiled at Stan. "That was Inspector Thatcher. Analise is at the consulate
with her." 

Stan smiled back "see? I told you there was nothing to worry about."  

They pulled up in front of the consulate and unloaded the babies. When
they entered the building, Meg came out of her office. 

"Ah Fraser, May I speak to you a moment?" Something in her expression let
both men know that this was important. 

"Yes sir. Stan, would you?" Ben held out the baby carrier. 

"Yeah sure, I'll just uh... Go down to your office." 

"Thank you kindly." 

Meg was sitting behind her desk when Ben entered, and he immediately
approached her and stood at attention. 

"Have a seat Fraser." 

Meg stared at him for a few minutes. He looked tired, worried. 

"Ben...how have you been lately?" 

"Fine sir." He shifted slightly, this was not a conversation he wanted to
have. 

"Since returning, have you had any trouble adjusting to everything that's
happened?" 

"It has been a stressful time for us sir, but it's over now." 

She knew he wasn't being completely honest with her, and decided to try
another tactic. 

"Analise is worried about you. I normally wouldn't meddle into the affairs
of my junior officers, but you aren't simply a subordinate Fraser. I
consider you and Analise good friends."  

She paused and Ben felt the need to reciprocate her admission "we value
your friendship also...Meg." 

She smiled slightly then continued. "I know you have been going through a
rough time Ben, and I will be honest and admit that Analise has confided
in me. She needs to have you talk to her about what is going on inside
you. Not knowing is... Well, it's having detrimental effect on her." 

"Ma'am?" Ben didn't like what she was insinuating. 

"I think you should talk to her about that. She needs to be the one to
tell you." 

Ben ran a finger across his eyebrow "I have... Already decided to talk to
her." 

"Good." Meg stood up and Ben followed suit. "I hope the two of you can
resolve things soon. For both your sakes." 

'What did she mean by that?' Ben thought to himself. "Where is Analise?" 

Meg hesitated briefly, but it didn't escape Ben's attention. "She is in
the queens suite, lying down." 

"What? Is she all right? What happened?"  

"I was to meet her at the park today for lunch...when I arrived, she
was.." Meg took a deep breath "she was unconscious. Don't worry, she's
better now, resting." 

Ben didn't wait to be excused as he rushed up the stairs. 

*************** 

Ben opened the door to the room quietly and looked at Analise lying on the
bed. She was sleeping and a washcloth had been placed on her forehead. He
swallowed hard as he approached the bed. For the first time, he noticed
her pale complexion, the circles under her eyes. He picked up a clammy
hand and touched his lips to it. Taking the washcloth, he rewet it and
wringing it good, placed it back on her forehead. As he stared down at
her, Ben wracked his brain going over every detail he could from the past
week.  

She stirred and he sat down on the edge of the bed, taking her hand once
again. "Analise?" He called her name softly, and brought her hand up,
pressing it against his cheek. When she opened her eyes, she at first
looked confused, then she focused on him, and it changed to understanding.


 

"How long have you been here?" I asked him. The minute I opened my eyes
and saw Ben, I knew everything would be all right. There was something
different in him. Something good. 

"Not long. How are you feeling? What happened?" Worry was evident in his
voice and I started to sit up, but Ben placed a hand on my shoulder. "Just
relax for a while." 

"I'm sorry Ben, I should have told you." 

He shook his head no, "I should be the one apologizing to you. I never
meant to put you through any of this. I was so self absorbed, I didn't
even see the signs." He squinted his eyes at me a little "You've barely
been eating. Getting sick quite often." He said it more as a statement,
rather than a question. 

I nodded my head yes. He sighed and looked down. "I want to tell you all
of it. Everything I've been feeling, thinking...what happened out there."
When he looked back at me, I had tears in my eyes. 

"Does this mean you won't be sleeping in the living room anymore?" 

His eyes grew wide. "How did you know?" 

"You were having a nightmare, I held you until it was over." 

His voice started to falter "I... I didn't ..... Hurt you, did I?"  

I could tell he was actually thinking that he could have "no Ben, you
didn't hurt me. Why would you think that?" 

He relaxed a little bit. "It's just one of the many things I need to talk
to you about....." 

Ben took off his shoes and climbed into the bed, wrapping his arms around
me which filled me with a sense of comfort and security as he started to
relive the memories. 

*************** 

I snuggled closer to Ben, breathing in his scent. I felt so good, relaxed.
Opening my eyes, I looked at the peacefulness in his face and smiled. What
he told me had been so hard for him. I don't know how anyone could have
kept all of that inside for so long. I thought Ben just didn't want to be
around me when he slept in the other room, and he was worried about
hurting me. When he told me about the nightmare he had the last night
Robert was in the hospital, about almost choking me, I understood
everything. 

We had talked for hours, finally after each of us shared what we had been
hiding, after the tears and apologies, we drifted into a peaceful sleep. 

Ben stirred and I lifted myself up onto my arms, one on each side of his
chest as I smiled down at him. When I had lifted my body off of him, he
reached his hands up, and ran them up and down the sides of my torso, then
hooked them behind me, pulling me back down. Only then did he open his
eyes. 

"Where do you think you're going?" 

I smiled at him "no where." His one hand strayed from my back to run
across my rump, and tugged suggestively. I rested my head back onto his
chest, and let out a content sigh. "I've missed you." 

He gave me a gentle squeeze. "I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere."
He kissed the top of my head and I heard his stomach growl. 

"Your hungry." I informed him. 

"I'll live."  

I pushed myself up again, and looked down at him. "Of that I have no
doubt. How long have we been up here anyway?" 

He brought his one arm around "Oh dear! It's after 6:30pm. I left Stan
downstairs with the babies." He gave me a look of disbelief. We had spent
the entire day up here. 

"Why didn't anyone wake us?" I asked as I slipped on my sneakers. 

"I don't know." We quickly straightened up the bed, and I picked up the
tray. When I turned around, Ben was standing directly behind me and took
it from my hands. "I'll take that" 

I smiled at him, and we headed downstairs. The consulate was quiet. I
didn't even know if anyone was still around. Ben carried the tray into the
kitchen, and I waited for him at the bottom of the stairs. When he came
back in, I wrapped my arms around him and spoke quietly. "Where do you
think they all went?" 

"Well, it is after hours. They probably went home."  

We walked to the desk in the lobby and looked but there was no note. I was
surprised when Meg's door opened. 

"I was beginning to wonder if the two of you would ever wake up." She
teased us. I smiled back and Ben started to get his customary hue. 

"Why didn't you wake us?"  

Meg looked over at me "because the two of you needed rest, and a nice long
talk. I take it you've had both?"  

We nodded and I went over and gave her a hug. "You're the best." 

She blushed and looked a little uncomfortable under the praise. "Well, I'm
sure anyone would have done the same thing." 

Ben smiled at her and joining us, very uncharacteristically kissed her on
the cheek. "Thank you for looking after Analise, and for our 'talk'." 

Not knowing how to handle the praise, Meg's back became ridged "right,
well the babies are over at the Vecchio house. Detective Kowalski took
them over when we realized that you two were going to be occupied for a
while." 

"That was very thoughtful of him." Ben stated. 

"Why are you here so late?" I asked her. "I hope it isn't because of us." 

"No, as a matter of fact I was just getting ready to leave the two of you
a note. I normally work this late." 

"Really? Why?" 

She looked a little uncomfortable. "I enjoy working." 

Ben squeezed my hand so I changed the subject. "Have you ate yet?" 

"I'm planning on picking up something on my way home." 

"We would love it if you would join us Meg." Ben smiled at her. She looked
a little taken aback at the offer, then cleared her throat. 

"I'm sure the two of you have a lot to talk about. I wouldn't want to
intrude." 

"You wouldn't be intruding Meg, after all, you're the one responsible for
us working things out. Please?" I didn't mind adding a little bit of a
whine to my voice. Hey, if it works for Dief, why not for me? 

"I'm afraid Analise will continue to harass you until you agree ma'am."
Ben teased her, but there was a hint of truth to it also. 

"I suppose it couldn't hurt." She conceded. 

"Great! I'm going to call over and check on the babies real quick." I said
but as I picked up the receiver, Ray walked in the door. 

"So there you guys are! Ma was getting worried so she sent me to track you
down."	

"Hi Ray, how are the babies?" 

"They're good, you know Ma, she's spoiling them rotten." He clasped his
hands together. "So... Everything worked out?" 

"How did you know?" I asked him. We're we that obvious? 

"Who didn't know?" He quipped. "And Ma says you had better start eating."
He added looking directly at me. "Speaking of eating, we were just about
to go get something. Care to join us?" Ben asked him. 

Ray considered it for a minute. "Sure, where do you want to go?" 

I shrugged it didn't matter to me. Ben didn't seem to care either. "What
about you Meg, any preferences?" I asked her. 

"There is a new restaurant uptown I've heard a lot about. It's supposed to
be good." She replied, not looking at Ray. 

His eyes grew wide "you're...uh...going too?" He asked. 

"Is there a problem with that detective?" Her voice turned icy. 

"No, I don't care. So uptown it is then." Ray looked over at me still
wearing the jogging shorts and sports top. "You may want to change first."


"We can swing by your place and then go." Meg offered. 

"Thanks."  

As we headed towards the door, Ray and Meg went first, both trying to get
through at the same time. They bumped into each other, and pulled back
embarrassed.  

"Why don't you watch where you're going?" Meg snapped at him. 

"Like you were?" Ray gave it right back. 

"Haven't you ever heard of ladies before gentlemen?" She glared. 

Even I could tell what the next thing out of his mouth was going to be,
but Ben stepped in first. 

"Inspector, Ray, please." He walked up to them, and they looked at each
other, embarrassed. 

"Shall we?" Ben continued and Ray backed up a little, allowing Meg to
pass. She mumbled a curt thank you to him as he followed her to the riv
and I looked at Ben.  

"I think they are going to end up killing each other." I whispered. 

"Perhaps." Was his only reply. 

********** 

We managed to reach the restaurant without any more 'incidents' and to
ensure none would occur, Ben had sat in the front seat with Ray, and I
took the back with Meg. We called Ma from our house to check on the babies
and let her know our plans. She told us to take our time, and if we wanted
to, we could even leave them over night. I didn't know if we would, but it
was nice to know the option was available. 

Ben held out the chair for me, and I noticed Ray glance at us. Grudgingly,
he went over and held out a chair for Meg. When she thanked him, her voice
didn't hold any of the sarcasm it normally did when she speaks to him, and
Ray stared at her a moment before mumbling a thank you and taking his own
seat. 

A waiter approached the table "Would you care for anything to drink?"  

Ben looked at me "I'd like a pepsi" 

Meg spoke next "wine spritzer would be fine." 

Ray looked at the man "beer" 

Ben smiled at him "I'll have tea" 

After he left, everyone stared at each other for a minute, and Ray was the
first to speak. 

"You know Benny, Stan told me about the practice today." 

Ben looked sorrowful "I know it meant a lot to him. I'll see if I can
secure passes for him another time." 

"What practice?" I asked. 

Ray looked at me "Stan managed to get two passes to the Blackhawk's pre
season practice. He was going to take Benny, but things didn't work out as
planned." 

I knew why 'things' didn't work out and felt guilty. Ben found my hand
under the table and held it. 

"I'm sure we can make it up to him sometime" Ben replied, and I was
certainly going to do my best to try. 

"Analise, what are your plans for this weekend?" Meg asked and I shrugged.


"Nothing really, Ben will be doing that 'thing' at the consulate, so I was
just going to stay home with the babies." 

She glanced at Ben before continuing. "Would you consider coming along
also? I know it's a lot to ask, but the Greek diplomats will be there, and
I'm afraid that there is no one around who can speak to them in their
native toung. Just for polite conversation if tensions arise." 

"Sure, I wouldn't mind." I looked over at Ben "is that all right with
you?" 

He was smiling over at me "I can't imagine anything I'd like more than to
have a beautiful woman on my arm." 

I blushed at the compliment "a yes would have sufficed." 

"But it wouldn't have relayed my feelings" he responded in a low voice,
causing me to blush even more. 

"Sounds like you two are going to have fun." Ray quipped in a sarcastic
tone. 

"Just what is that supposed to mean Detective?" Meg asked. 

"Nothing. It's just spending the night with a bunch of hot winded stuffed
shirts just isn't my idea of a fun time." Ray smugly replied. 

Meg was getting quite defensive now "well it's a lot better than spending
Saturday night with a bunch of middle aged men around a poker table who
have no life. You probably wouldn't know how to act in a social situation
if your life depended on it!" 

They were getting rather loud and people were starting to look over at us.
Ben was going to interject, but I stopped him. This was too good. 

"Are you saying that I am not suave?" Ray glared at her. 

"You said it Vecchio, I didn't." She gave him a strained smile. 

"I could out mingle, charm, and all around suave you in any situation.
ANY." 

Meg let out a small chuckle. "I seriously doubt that. I have been
attending and hosting functions such as this one for years. I'm afraid you
would be out of your element." 

"Oh yeah?"  

"Yes." 

"Care to make a little wager on it?" Ray was smiling smug now. 

Meg scoffed at him "I don't bet." 

"Afraid?"  

"Don't be ridiculous! I simply know there is no way you could become the
perfect gentleman, even if it is for only a night!" Her anger was up now.
Not too many people ever dared to call her afraid. 

"Put your money where your mouth is." Ray came back at her. 

She straightened her back "all right, how much?" 

Ray thought for a moment "fifty bucks says I can out 'suave' you on
Saturday night." 

Her face took on a triumphant expression. This was going to be the easiest
fifty dollars she ever made.  "All right Vecchio, your on!" 

That settled they took a second to compose themselves and looked back over
at us. We were grinning from ear to ear, and I was doing my best not to
laugh. 

"What's so funny?" They asked at the same time. 

I cracked up laughing and threw my hand in front of my mouth. Taking a
deep breath I was able to speak.  

"Ma will be so happy, you two just made your first date!" 

They looked at each other wide eyed and their mouths dropped open. Then
vehemently denied that this was anything like a date. Despite their words
though, both turned a very pretty shade of red. 

**************** 

Ben opened the door for me and as I walked past him, he brushed his hand
against my arm. I smiled at him and waited until he had the door locked
before asking him my question. 

"Are you sure you wanted to leave the babies at Ma's house?"  

Ben moved closer to me. "Yes, I want to spend some time with my wife...."
He took the doggie bag from my hands "...and get some more food into you."


I looked down slightly embarrassed "I did try to eat as much as I could." 

He wrapped an arm around me "I know. That's something I am going to
change." He smiled and kissed the top of my head, then went to put the bag
in the fridge. It was after 9pm and I knew Ben had to be up early
tomorrow, so when he came back in, I took his hand and led him into the
bedroom. 

Inside, Ben suddenly reached out and grabbed my waist. 

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked, knowing full well. 

"I have no idea what you are talking about." He gave me a look of pure
innocence, and I knew he was devious. 

"Uh-huh. Well mister 'you have no idea', you need to get up very early
tomorrow. Remember?" 

"How could I forget?" He whispered by my ear, knowing what that does to
me. This was a very good time for a change of subject. 

I pulled back and took a deep breath to clear my head as I smiled at Ben
"you know, I really am starting to think that Ray and Meg would make a
good couple. That is if they would stop arguing long enough." 

"I believe they are going to both fight that idea tooth and nail, as one
would say." He started to unbutton his shirt, and I found myself looking
at his hands as they moved. 

"You're right, but maybe we can help 'nudge' them along a little." I
started to take off my own clothes as I spoke. 

"I hope you aren't planning on playing matchmaker" Ben's voice held
reproach. 

"Oh, as if you didn't with Jill?" 

"That was entirely different." He defended himself. 

I crossed my arms in front of me "how?" 

"She showed an interest in Ray. Ins--... Meg doesn't want to be around
him. Also Ray seems to feel the same way." 

Ben was now wearing nothing but his boxers and I tried not to stare at
that part of his body. 

"If that was true, then they wouldn't be going out on Saturday." 

Ben thought for a moment, then looked at me "right you are." He conceded. 

I was sitting on the bed and Ben sat down beside me." 

"Saturday night will proved interesting to say the least." He said as he
leaned over and kissed me. I placed my hands on his shoulders, pushing him
back onto the bed. He didn't resist the movement, and I ran my one hand
across his chest, then down to his stomach as I used my other to support
myself. When we broke the kiss, both of us were breathless. 

"Ben?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Can I look at you." I wasn't sure what his response would be. Since the
first time he showed me what she did to him, he had been very private. I
felt his intake of breath but he moved his hands to his boxers, and
started to push them down. 

I stilled his hands. "It's OK to say no." I quietly added. He looked at me
for a long time. I guess trying to decide. Finally he spoke. 

"No" it came out in barely a whisper, and I could feel his entire body
tense, waiting for my response. 

At first I was slightly shocked, that was the last answer I expected. I
managed to smile at him. 

"I understand" 

I reached over and turned the light out, then snuggled against Ben. His
arms came up and wrapped tightly around me. 

"Thank you." He whispered into the dark. 

******** 

I stood in front of the mirror and turned slightly, making sure everything
was in place. I was wearing an off white ankle length evening gown with
spaghetti straps, and added a pearl choker with matching earrings. My hair
was pulled up on top of my head, with loose curls hanging out of a bun. 

Ben had been ready for at least the past half hour, and was entertaining
JC and Robert in the living room. Ray was going to pick us up and drop
Frannie off at the same time. Meg would already be at the consulate.  

Thinking of the night ahead, I knew there would be five couples
altogether, Ben and myself included. I was more than curious to see how
Meg and Ray would get along. She shared in confidence with me yesterday
that she was praying he wouldn't do anything to embarrass her tonight. 

"Sorry I took so long" I said to Ben when I entered the living room. He
was leaning over, taking a brush to his boots one last time. And when I
spoke, stood to look at me. 

"Well, how do I look?" I asked turning in a full circle. 

He looked so serious and I thought for a second that I had picked
something inappropriate to wear. 

"Breathtaking." 

I smiled again and stepped closer to him "you're not so bad yourself." I
replied. He was wearing his red dress uniform, minus the sam brown, and
there was a belt wrapped around the middle of his tunic. 

He closed the rest of the distance between us and hugged me, my stomach
growled in response. Ben pulled back and smiled down at me. 

"That is the best sound I've heard in a long time." 

Over the past two days, Ben had gone out of his way to try and get me to
eat. Although I didn't feel hungry, Ben would make up healthy snacks every
few hours, and ask me with those big blue eyes of his to at least try. I
would try to turn him down, but he was persistent. Today was the first day
I actually felt hungry. I pulled his head down and kissed him in reply. 

Ben placed his hands on my waist, and pulled me until I was flat against
him. "Do you have any idea how much you mean to me?" He asked out of the
blue. 

"Why don't you show me" my eyes held a teasing quality as I replied. He
smiled a little and let out a small chuckle.  

When he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around me though, I knew he
was being serious. "Ben, I know how much you love me, I always will." 

"Good." He hesitated a moment and then continued "I need to ask you
something. Well, not really ask, but talk to about something."	

Ben was babbling, and I knew that meant something serious. When he added
his ear tug, I knew it was something weighing heavily on his mind. 

"You can ask me anything Ben." 

"I was wondering if you... Well time is going rather quickly and I wanted
to make sure you still wanted to move to the cabin. It's a big step, and
one that will probably last a long time." 

I thought for a moment. Why was he asking me this? Was it because he just
wanted to make sure I was happy? Or did it have anything to do with the
fact that Victoria did those things to him there? 

"I'll be happy anywhere Ben, as long as I'm with you."	

He seemed about to say something else when we were interrupted by a knock
on the door. Ben looked at the door for a second confused, then quickly
recovered. 

"That will be Ray" he stated. "I'll get it." I said and went to answer it.
"Hi Frannie, Ray" I greeted. "Thanks for coming over to watch the babies
Frannie, I know it's a lot of trouble." 

"Don't worry about it. Hi Frase', I wasn't doing anything anyway. But I
want details when you get back!" 

"Details?"  

"Yeah, me and Maria have a bet going on, to see who kills who first." She
looked over at Ray as she spoke. 

"I'm sure you'll know" 

"Can we change the subject?" Ray snapped at Frannie. She rolled her eyes
"don't mind him, he's been in a bad mood all day." She waved him off with
a hand and went over to the babies. 

"You look very handsome Ray" I told him, he was wearing a tux and it
looked like it was tailor made just for him. Who am I kidding this was
Ray, it was tailor made just for him! 

"Thanks. It's just something I had in the back of my closet" he said
casually. 

"Oh please! He had to pay his tailor extra just to fit him in! In the back
of the closet my eye!" Frannie interjected. 

Ray was about to lose it and Ben thankfully stepped in.  

"Well no matter, you do look rather dashing tonight Ray."  

Ray tugged at the lapels on his tux and glared at his sister before
answering "thanks Benny. We should get going or we'll be late." 

"Right." Ben leaned over and kissed both babies before holding out my wrap
for me. I gave each a quick kiss and slipped into it. 

"Thanks again Frannie" 

********** 

Ray grumbled the entire time we were in the riv and although Ben and I
both tried to change the subject, he was like a broken record. I had never
been so happy to reach the consulate, and waited as Ben got out on Ray's
side so he could come over and open the car door. I didn't mind just
getting out, but he seemed to derive pleasure from doing little things
like that, so I let him. 

Ray was in front of us as we walked up the stairs and he wiped his palms
on the sides of his pants, cracked his neck and took a deep breath. He was
actually nervous! With his resolve strengthened, he opened the door and
barged in. The lobby was empty and Ben went over to knock on Meg's door. 

"Just a minute" came the reply. We looked at each other, at a loss for
words when the door opened. 

Meg looked beautiful! She was wearing a dark gray, almost black gown that
gave off a dull shimmer when she moved. She wore her hair down and seemed
about as uncomfortable as Ray. 

"Meg, you look great!" I smiled, causing her to blush. 

"Thank you." 

"I must agree ma'am, stunning." Ben added.  

"Thank you Constable." She looked over at Ray then. He didn't seem to know
what to say. 

"Detective" she said coldly. 

"Inspector"  

I glared at Ray and he cleared his throat and continued "You look...nice."
It sounded stiff and I thought if he told her it was raining outside, his
voice was have held the same quality. 

"Thank you. I hope you brought your money with you." Meg taunted. 

He patted his jacket pocket "Sure did. And I can't wait to add yours to
it." 

She folded her arms "keep dreaming Vecchio." 

One of the kitchen staff came out. 

"Ma'am, we've finished setting up if you'd like to look everything over." 

"Thank you. I'll be right there." 

She looked back over at us "Our guests will be arriving in a few minutes,
Fraser, will you do one last security check?" 

"Yes sir" Ben headed down the hall and Meg turned to go into the dining
room. Ray quickly scrambled in front of her and held the door open. She
gave him a slight smile. 

"Just practicing" he smiled back. 

Meg's eyes clouded over a bit and she squared her shoulders before going
into the room. When we were alone, I smacked Ray on the arm. 

"Ow! What was that for?" 

"I don't care about this stupid bet you two have going, but Meg's been a
good friend to all of us and has also put a lot of work into tonight. She
has feelings just like the rest of us, even though she doesn't like to
show them, and I'm not going to let you step all over them. Got it?" I
accentuated my words by poking him in the chest. He had the decency to
look contrite and mumbled an apology. 

"I'm not the one you owe it to." I hissed. 

Ben came back and we headed into the parlor. It wasn't long before the
first diplomats arrived -- the French ones and Meg greeted them in their
own language, then introduced everyone. Ben also spoke French to them and
after the conversation turned into english, we fell into easy
conversation. The Italian and Greek diplomats arrived at the same time
about ten minutes later and after introductions and a quick drink with
lively conversation, a man came out to tell us dinner was being served. 

We headed into the dining room and Ray was going overboard being nice to
Meg, she seemed ready to snap, not knowing what the next thing out of his
mouth would be. 

When we reached the table, Ray held the chair out for Meg. "Here you are
Meg" he said sweetly. 

She gave him a strained smile "thank you Detective." 

"Please, call me Ray." He insisted, knowing she wouldn't start anything in
front of the guests. 

"Ray." She repeated. 

He smiled and took the chair opposite of her. Ben was busy engaging the
diplomats in conversation, and I found myself enjoying the conversation I
was having with Mrs. Vasiliathes, the Greek diplomats wife. It had been
years since I spoke to anyone in Greek. Well, since my parents died. She
was a wonderful older woman with laugh lines around her eyes.  

It wasn't long into the dinner that she pulled out some photos of her
children, grandchildren, and one great grandchild. She was very proud as
well she should be. Mr. Vasiliathes added that they had been married for
over fifty-seven years, and that Efthia, his wife, was just as beautiful
now as the day he married her. She blushed and scolded him, but I could
tell she didn't mean it. I smiled seeing the way they interacted, hoping
that when Ben and I have been married as long as they have, we will have
feelings just as strong. 

I finally joined the conversation around me, and noticed that Meg seemed
more relaxed than she had been. Ray was charming the pants off of the
Italian diplomats wife, and Meg was charming the men. She was certainly in
rare form. I had never seen her so radiant, and relaxed. Apparently I
wasn't the only one to notice, as Ray managed to glance at her every few
minutes. The interaction between the two of them did not go unnoticed and
at one point, Efthia leaned over to her husband and in Greek, remarked how
attentive Ray and Meg were to each other and wasn't young love beautiful.
I almost choked on a bite of salad I was eating, and quickly took a drink
of water to recover. 

Ben seemed to be enjoying himself also, and every once in a while, I would
look over and see him giving me a wistful stare, causing me to wonder how
rude it would be to take him into the bathroom and ravish his body.  

Finally after desert, everyone called it an evening and we all said our
good-bye's. 

 

 Meg bid farewell to the last diplomats at the door and turned to go back
into the parlor. Upon seeing Ben, Ray and Analise laughing and having a
good time though, headed out onto the balcony instead. 

She looked up at the night sky as she rested her hands on the rail. Meg
had been hesitant at first, when she found herself stuck with that cop for
the evening, knowing he would embarrass her. When he actually showed
proper manners, she started to relax. He even managed to charm the
diplomats wives. 

Not that she would ever admit it to anyone, but Meg found herself enjoying
all the attention he was giving her. More than once though, she had to
remind herself that it was all a farce. He was just doing it to win the
bet. She knew that from the beginning, Meg reminded herself. The only
problem was, it reminded her of everything she didn't have. How many
nights had she delved into her work when coworkers would make plans for
the evening? How many mornings throughout the years did she pretend not to
listen to the morning after play by plays as someone would describe the
perfect date they had been on? 

Meg sighed. It never used to bother her. None of it did. She was happy for
them. Lately though, with being stationed in a different country away from
her friends, receiving birth and wedding announcements in the mail.... It
made her realize that there was something she gave up to achieve her
station in life. She wrapped her arms around herself as a chill moved
through her, despite the muggy evening. 

"Scaring away the mosquitos now?" 

Meg spun around and straightened her shoulders upon seeing Ray walk
towards her. 

"Come to gloat?" She asked curtly, partly to hide the fact that she was
uncomfortable being caught with her guard down. 

"Actually I came to apologize." He smiled at the brief flicker of
disbelief that slipped past her guard before the harsh expression found
it's place again. 

"For what?" 

"I said some things earlier that were uncalled for. I had fun...even if it
was with a bunch of stuffed shirts." He smiled and Meg smiled back for a
minute, showing how beautiful she was, but then quickly schooled her
features. 

"Don't apologize for being honest Detective." Meg walked smartly past him,
in full dragon lady mode again as Ray would call it, and went into the
lobby. Picking up her purse, she counted out fifty dollars and turned
around holding it out to the detective who had followed her in. 

"Here. Personally I didn't think you had it in you." 

Ray looked at the money and back up at Meg. "Actually the bet was for me
to out charm you. I think it was a tie." 

"Just take the money Vecchio." She replied briskly and practically thrust
it into his hands. 

"Now if you'll excuse me, I still have some work to attend to." Meg turned
to go into her office, unaware of Ben and Myself watching from the
doorway. 

 

Meg's purse was still on the table. Ben and I watched as Ray looked at us,
then placed the money on top of the purse.  

"I'll wait outside." He mumbled and headed out the front door. 

I sighed and looked at Ben, who was glancing between the front door and
Meg's. 

"Why don't you have a talk with Ray, I'll check on Meg."  

"Do you think we should?" Ben asked. 

"Yes, now go." I nudged him a little and headed into Meg's office. 

She looked up when I opened the door. "Haven't you ever heard of
knocking?" 

"Meg, what's going on?" I asked, ignoring the comment she made. 

"What makes you think that something's going on? I simply have a lot of
work to do." She shuffled some papers around on her desk, and I sat
quietly knowing she would eventually say something. 

"I guess I don't like losing." She spoke quietly. 

"I don't think you lost Meg. You spent the evening with a great guy who
was charming, attentive, and couldn't stop looking at you half the night
through." 

"For fifty dollars" she said, then paused before continuing. "he would
probably dress in drag and do the hula for less than that." Meg wouldn't
look at me as she spoke, and placed her head in her hands, resting her
elbows on the desk. 

"Did you bring your car?" I asked. 

"I was planning on calling a taxi." 

"Come on," I stood up "unless you want Ben to go into a long story about
personal safety with a couple of caribou thrown in for good measure, I
suggest you come with us." 

"Didn't you ride with Detective Vecchio?" 

I nodded. 

"I really do have some work to do. Thanks anyway." 

Sighing, I headed to the door but turned back at the last minute. 

"You know Meg, he didn't do it." 

She didn't look at me "do what?" 

"He didn't take the money." I said quietly. Her head snapped up as my
words sank in and I walked out of the room. Let her think about that! 

 

I wasn't surprised to see Ray and Ben waiting in the lobby when I came
out. 

"Are you ready?" Ray asked. 

"Yeah." 

Ben held my wrap and I slipped into it. 

"Is Meg coming?" Ben asked. 

"No, she says she has work to do." 

"How is she getting home?" Ben's concern for her was evident. 

"Taxi. She'll be fine Ben, let's just go." I knew Meg was in no mood to
argue about this, and wanted to spare Ben a dressing down. I headed
towards the door but Ben didn't follow me. 

"I'll be out in a minute, I want to see if the Inspector has anything else
I need to do." With that said, he knocked on her door and disappeared. 

Ray looked over at me "might as well wait in the riv." 

We didn't have long to wait before Ben came out looking chastised. 

"She didn't need your help?" Ray asked, smiling slightly at his friends
discomfort. 

"Ah...no." Ben cleared his throat and looked out the window. 

We were silent on the way home, and Ray didn't bother to come up with us
when we reached the apartment. After asking Frannie not to be too hard on
him, Ben walked her back down to make sure she reached the riv safely. 

********** 

I stood in front of the closet again, trying to decide what to take with
me and what to leave behind. Frannie came up behind me.  

"Oh! This is so cute!" She said and reached for a dress, then held it up
to her. 

"Keep it." I said as I took six more items out and put them on the bed. 

"What about you Meg? If you two don't take them, I'm going to donate the
whole lot!" 

"I did pick a few things."  

We had been going through all my clothes for the past two hours and the
bedroom looked like a disaster area. Frannie thought it was inhuman to
have to get rid of most of my clothes, and I had to remind her that there
was no need for a lot of fancy things up north. And besides, I wouldn't be
getting rid of all of them, a few favorites were staying plus most of my
everyday clothes. 

"I can't believe it's only two weeks away." I said feeling overwhelmed. "I
am going to miss everyone so much!" 

"Oh Analise!" Frannie started "you're like a sister to me. I can't believe
that you are actually leaving." 

"Now don't the two of you start. Pretty soon you'll have all of us
crying." Meg chimed in and I tried to smile. I didn't want to leave them
or the rest of my friends. I did mention to Ben about wanting to get a
generator for the cabin, so I could hopefully connect to the Internet with
a cell phone, and tried not to be too disappointed when he told me the
signal wouldn't travel that far out. This was going to be it. Except for
mail, I wouldn't have any contact with anyone. 

"Have you decided what you're going to do with all your furniture?" Meg
cleared a spot on the bed as she spoke and sat down. 

"Yep, I talked with Ben last night. Since Maggie still has to find a
place, we were going to ask her if she wanted all of it, including the
apartment!" 

"Really?" Frannie asked. 

"Ben is more than a little concerned about her safety, and he knows people
here will keep an eye on her." 

Frannie added another piece of clothing to her growing pile. "She doesn't
strike me as the type of person who would want all this. Isn't she like
Ben?" I laughed "just like Ben. But I hope she still takes it." 

"Speaking of Ben, how have things been going?" Meg asked. 

"Better. It's slow going though. There are days when I think that things
are finally starting to get back to normal, then something will happen and
he will pull back again."  

"It'll take time for him to deal with everything that's happened." Meg
offered. 

"I know. It's just hard sometimes. Not as hard as it was though, at least
he's talking to me more instead of keeping it all inside. His nightmare's
have all but stopped too." 

"I'm glad to hear it." Meg looked at her watch "I must get going, I
haven't been at the consulate all morning." 

"Tell Ben I love him for me." I smiled at her reaction. The last thing she
would do is relay a personal message like that and we both knew it. 

"Hey, can you give me a ride?" Frannie asked. "I have to go by the
butcher's and pick up a meat order for Ma." 

"Is that guy still hitting on you when you go in there?" I asked her. It
was no secret how he treated a lot of the pretty women in the
neighborhood. And since his was the closest place for meats, he knew most
of the one's without transportation had no choice but to put up with his
advances. 

"Yeah... The jerk. One of these days I'm going to teach him a lesson." She
added. 

"Why not today?" Meg's eyes held a certain gleam, and I knew today was
going to be the day he was 'taught'. 

"Are you serious?" Frannie stared at her in shock. 

"Deadly." 

After the idea sank in, Frannie warmed up to it. "What did you have in
mind?"	

"I'll tell you on the way. Analise, thanks for the clothes, and I"ll give
you a call later." Meg gave me a quick hug, and I walked them to the door.
 

"Do you need help Frannie?" I asked seeing her struggle with all the
clothes.  

"Naw, I got it. Besides the babies are sleeping." 

After they left, I fed the babies and spent most of the afternoon doing
housework and peeling vegetables for dinner. Although I went about the
tasks, my mind was miles away. What did Ben mean when he asked if I still
wanted to move to the cabin? Didn't he want to go now? There were still so
many unanswered questions I had, and I knew I wasn't going to be able to
find the answers on my own. I wanted to help him, but how? Knowing the
answers weren't going to just jump into my lap, I readied the babies and
decided to go get them. 

********** 

Looking at the paper in my hand, I checked the address one more time with
that on the building in front of me. 'This is the right place' I thought
to myself. Pushing the stroller up the handicap access ramp, I expertly
managed to prop the door open and slid the stroller through. 

Nervousness took over as I scanned the directory on the wall. Third floor.
Swallowing down my misgivings, I pushed the elevator button and waited.
There was nothing to be nervous about I told myself, as I took another
deep breath. 'Nothing at all'. 

The car was empty and it took no time in getting to the proper floor. As I
pushed the stroller down the hall, I read the office names off the door.
Near the end was the door I needed. 'This is worth it.' I said to myself
one more time and opened the door. 

Luckily, the waiting room was empty except for one person, and I wheeled
the stroller up the receptions desk. An older African-American woman was
sitting behind it, and looked up when I approached. 

"May I help you?" Her voice held a calming effect, and I figured in her
line of business, it was a skill she purposely honed. 

"Uh...yes..no.. I mean..." I started babbling and she smiled at me, then
leaned over and placed a calming hand on mine. 

"Just take your time." 

Smiling, I took a deep breath and looking at the woman sitting in the
corner reading a magazine, started again in a low voice. "I was
uh...wondering if there was some information I could get on..." My lower
lip started to quiver despite my best effort to remain calm "assaults." 

She gave me a sympathetic look. "We can help you. Why don't you come with
me, alright?" 

I nodded and pushed the babies into a room. Inside was a sofa, a chair,
and some toys in a box in the corner. After we were settled she spoke. 

"What type of assault do you need information for?" She asked. 

I couldn't look at her, so instead I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear
and adjusted the receiving blanket on Jacinda.	

"Sexual" it came out in barely a whisper and at first, I wasn't even sure
I said it out loud. 

"Is the information for you?" She asked gently. 

"No." I looked up at her. "I...want to...it's for my husband. I want to
try and help him." I said the rest quickly before I lost my courage. 

She leaned over and took my hand "we can help you. Both of you. If you'd
like, I can have the doctor come in and give you some information? She's
just about finished with her appointment now." 

"Thank you."  

"My name's Priscilla, what's your name?" She asked. 

"Analise. Analise Fraser." She hesitated for a second, then she squeezed
my hand and shut the door behind her. 

*** 

Priscilla went to her desk and checked the doctor's schedule, knowing that
she had a free slot in a few minutes. She looked up as the doctor's door
opened, and she came out followed by her patient who had held the door
open for her. 

"Priscilla? Would you make another appointment for Constable Fraser? Let's
see, it's Wednesday now, how about Friday, same time?" She asked the man
beside her. 

"That's acceptable. Thank you kindly." He nervously turned the brim on his
Stetson while he waited for Priscilla to type the pertinent information
into the computer and then hand him a reminder card. He thanked her and
left quickly. 

The doctor and Priscilla watched him leave. "How did it go" Priscilla
asked the doctor. 

"Not bad for his first visit." She replied and turned to go back into her
office. 

"Jeanie?" Priscilla called after her. "I have a walk-in in the family
room. Seemed kinda upset." 

Jeanie looked in the general direction of the room "Thanks. Hold my
calls." She said and after knocking on the door, walked in. 

 

I looked up as the doctor walked in. She wore a friendly expression, and
was about 45 years old, I'd hazard to guess. 

"Hello. I'm Doctor Gibbs. Priscilla tells me you are interested in some
information?" She extended her hand to me and I shook it. 

"Yeah." I felt very self conscious and was starting to really question
whether or not this was a good idea. 

"Are these your babies?" She asked, tying to put me at ease. I nodded
"they are so beautiful! I have another patient who has twins." She took a
seat beside me on the couch. 

"So..." 

"Analise." I supplied. 

"Analise. What kind of information are you looking for?" 

"My husband was assaulted by someone, and he is going through a really
rough time right now. I want to help him. At least understand some of his
behavior. We have so much going on now. In two weeks we're supposed to be
moving, and Robert is still healing...." 

"Robert?" She cut me off.  

"Our son. The woman who attacked my husband had kidnapped him. That's when
the attack happened. He's with the RCMP and went to track her down and
bring him home. He told me what happened. The 'official' version. And he
did try and tell me what he's feeling. Lately though he's been having mood
swings." I laughed slightly "well, mood swings for him. Normally he keeps
things inside anyway. You have to know him really well to know when
something's not normal." 

The doctor didn't know what to say. She had just finished hearing this
same story no less than fifteen minutes ago. 

"What is your last name? If you don't mind my asking." 

"Fraser." 

I saw her smile "don't worry, I know we can help you AND your husband." 

I shook my head. "He doesn't know that I'm here. I don't know how he would
react if I told him. I...maybe this wasn't such a good idea." I stood and
started to leave. 

"Please Mrs. Fraser, Analise. If you don't want your husband to know
you've come to help him, that's fine. We can work with that. The important
thing is to get the help." She stood also and gave me a slight pleading
look. 

"You won't tell?" 

"Doctor patient confidentiality." 

We talked for about an hour more and then she made an appointment for me
to come back on Friday. I looked at the little card in my hand. 'Crisis
Counseling Services.' I felt a little better knowing that there was
someone I could talk to about everything and headed home. 

************ 

Ben walked slowly towards home, thinking of everything that's happened
this past week. On Monday when he reported to work, he was surprised to
find a note on his desk from the Inspector telling him to report to her
office as soon as he arrived. He stood at attention and listened without
showing any emotion as she explained to him that since the assault
occurred while he was acting in an 'official' capacity as a member of the
RCMP, on Canadian soil none the less, he had to report to a psychologist,
just standard protocol, and reminded him that all officers had to have a
mandatory psyche profile done after every violent incident. She assured
him it was only so they could please the higher ups back in Ottawa. 

Sighing, he shifted the package the Inspector asked him to take home for
Analise. He still could feel the heat that rose to his face when he
realized the doctor was a woman. Normally, the sex of his doctor wouldn't
have caused him a second thought, but to have to tell her...everything...
He was going through, he could barely even admit it to his wife! There was
only one thing he could do, continue with the sessions until she was
willing to contact the Inspector with a favorable report. 

Sighing, Ben opened the door to his building and headed up the stairs.	

The only thing he had to consider now was whether or not to tell Analise.
Certainly if only one visit had been required on his part, he could have
avoided the entire conversation, it would have been just normal RCMP
related matters. He had to go back on Friday though... Perhaps that would
be the only other session needed. Yes, he thought, he would wait until
then to tell her. Reaching the apartment, he was surprised to find it
empty. Except for Dief that is. 

"Where is Analise?" 

Dief whined at him.  

"Yes well, there is no reason for hurt feelings, I'm sure she would have
taken you if she could have." 

Dief let out a small bark  

"No, you may not have any of this, it's for Analise from Meg." Ben said as
he opened the package and placed it's contents in the refrigerator.
Looking around, Ben decided to start on dinner. 

********* 

Ben opened the door as I approached and I smiled at him. "Hi. How did you
know I was coming?" 

He took the stroller from me and wrapped his arm around my waist as he
gave me a kiss. "I always know" 

Laughing, I scooped Robert from the stroller as Ben took Jacinda. "You
seem to be in a good mood" 

"And why shouldn't I be?" He was smiling broadly and I felt my spirits
pick up in return. 

"Did you start dinner?" I asked. Something sure smelled good. 

"Yes. I had some extra time."  

Balancing Jacinda on my hip, I went into the kitchen and opened the fridge
to get a Pepsi. I was surprised to see at least ten brown wrapped
packages. "Ben, what's all this?" I asked. 

He came up and looked over my shoulder. "Before I left the consulate
today, Meg gave this to me. She said it was a gift from the butcher and
that you'd know what she meant." 

I started laughing. "Oh I just can't wait to hear this story! Why didn't
she just keep it for herself?" 

"She did. Apparently he was extremely generous with both her and
Francesca. This is what couldn't fit in either one's refrigerator." 

I laughed even harder.	

"Is there something I should know about?" He asked, eyeing me warily. 

"Now what makes you think that?" I teased. "If you want to know anymore,
you'll have to ask Meg." 

Knowing he wasn't going to get anywhere, Ben took my hand and pulled me to
the sofa. Until dinner was ready, we busied ourselves by talking and
playing with the babies. 

Ben stopped in the middle of talking with JC and looked over at me. "Isn't
it time for them to have their shots?" 

I thought for a moment. "It's past time! I can't believe I forgot all
about it. With everything that's happened though... I'll call tomorrow and
make an appointment." 

When Dief heard the word 'shots' he whined and crawled under the coffee
table. Ben looked at him. 

"Don't think I've forgotten about your booster. You're still going to the
vet." Dief whined again and rested his muzzle on his paws. After feeding
them, we put both Robert and JC down for the night. It was almost eight
before we sat down to dinner ourselves, and Ben surprised me by setting
the table with candle lite. 

"What's the occasion?" I asked as he held the chair out for me.  

"I thought you might enjoy a nice, quiet dinner." He brought his hands up
and started to massage my shoulders as he spoke. 

"Careful Ben, a girl could get used to this. Then where would you be?" 

The phone rang before he could answer and he sighed. "You know, a phone
really isn't a necessity." Ben said on his way to answer it. 

"Hello?...good evening leftenant..... When?.... I'm sure we'd enjoy it.
Thank you for the invitation sir. Good-bye." Ben hung up the phone and sat
down at the table and he tucked a napkin into his shirt collar. 

"That was Lt. Welsh. Apparently he has been able to borrow his cousins
boat this weekend, and has invited us to go with him on Saturday. I told
him we'd accept. You don't mind do you?" 

"Of course I don't. I was thinking about renting a boat myself lately and
spending the day on the lake." 

His eyebrows rose at my comment. "Are we the only one's going?" I
continued. 

"No, he's invited Ray, Stan, Francesca and Meg also." 

"Sounds like fun."  

As we ate dinner, I felt happier than I did in a while. When I thought
back to earlier though, I didn't know how Ben would react when I told him.
It isn't as if I'd actually keep something from him, I learned that lesson
the hard way... But it was only one visit. Maybe I should just wait and
see what happens on Friday. I was glad I had made a decision for now, and
turned my attention back to our dinner. 

****** 

The next two days flew by and I was desperately trying to pack what we
needed to take, along with donating items and getting everyday household
chores done. Yesterday I had called the doctor to make an appointment for
the twin's shots, and the only day they could fit us in was after we were
supposed to be in Canada. Sighing, I took the dirty clothes out of the
hamper to wash. When I grabbed a handful, a white card flitted out onto
the floor and I stooped to pick it up.	

I was shocked to see it was the reminder card from the crisis center. What
if Ben would have seen it? I put the clothes into the basket and headed to
the washer, making sure to keep his uniform separate. I made the mistake
of washing it with some other clothes once and it bled all over! After
profusely apologizing to Ben, I promised him I wouldn't wash his uniforms
again. Still.... It was a little funny thinking of the pale pink it
became... 

After starting the washer, I looked back at the card in my hand. Three
o'clock? I could have swore it was for four. Looking at my watch, I had
less than an hour to get there. I hurried to the phone and dialed.  

"Hello Maria? Yeah it's Analise. I was wondering if you could do me a huge
favor. I have an appointment in less than an hour and I thought it was for
later. Could you come over and watch the twins?..... You are a doll!
Thanks.... Ok. See you then." 

I breathed a sigh of relief and went to get ready. 

 

I hurried up the stairs, not bothering with the elevator and made it right
at three o'clock. Opening the office door, I rushed up to Priscilla's
desk.  

"Hi, I hope I'm not late, I just got the times mixed up! I thought it was
for four o'clock instead of three." I said all in one breath. 

She looked at her appointment book "I do have you down for four." 

Puzzled, I took out the card I stuck in my pocket "here is says three." I
showed it to her. When I looked back at here, I realized she wasn't
looking at me, but behind me. Turning, I saw what had captured her
attention. 

"Ben!" I said, fear welling in me. I remembered all too well the last time
I made an appointment at the doctor without telling him. 

He was standing in the doorway just staring at me with a panicked look. I
vaguely heard Priscilla page the doctor. In a flash, Doctor Gibbs was out
of her office.	

Neither of us moved, and Doctor Gibbs went over to Ben. 

 "Constable, I'm glad to see you again. I think there are some things we
need to discuss." Her tone was no nonsense and when she took his arm, he
didn't resist. When she reached us, she looked over at me. 

"Mrs. Fraser?" I tore my eyes away from Ben and looked at the woman, my
mouth hanging open. "Would you please join us?" She motioned to her office
and I gave a slight nod. Doctor Gibbs guided Ben into her office and I
looked down at the card in my hand one more time, then over at Priscilla.
She seemed just as shocked as the rest of us, and gave me a small
supportive smile. Taking a deep breath, I forced my legs to work and
followed them into the office, shutting the door behind me. 

 

Once we were both in, Doctor Gibbs headed to a chair instead of her desk.
"Please, have a seat, both of you." 

Ben was looking down instead of meeting my gaze and noticing he sat in a
chair instead of the sofa, didn't make me feel any better. He was really
upset with me. I knew I shouldn't have come. I took a seat on an opposite
chair and looked at the doctor, my emotions barely contained.  

"Why?" Ben said all of a sudden and I thought he was talking to me, but he
looked up at the doctor. "Why what Constable?" Her voice was calm. 

My stomach felt queasy and I jumped in "look, I'm sorry Ben, I didn't mean
to come. It was just.... I wanted to help us and I didn't..." I couldn't
continue as the nausea built up. I looked around the room and sensing my
distress, the doctor spoke. 

"There is a small bathroom in there." She pointed towards a door on the
left side of her office and I ran for it, barely locking the door behind
me before becoming sick. Tears stung my eyes. I had been doing so well! It
was almost a week since I had lost my lunch so to speak. So why now? I
heard Ben call my name as I made my way to the bathroom, but couldn't
acknowledge him at the time. 

After a few minutes, there was a knock on the door as I was rinsing my
mouth and splashing water on my face. 

"I'll be out in a minute" I said in a shaky voice. My entire body was
trembling and I took a couple of deep breaths. Feeling extremely
embarrassed, I unlocked the door and was surprised to see both Ben and the
doctor standing on the other side. Ben wrapped his arms around me, and
held me close. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." His voice was filled with emotion
and I buried my head in his chest. 

"No I'm sorry Ben. I shouldn't have come without you knowing." I said
quietly. The doctor was observing both of us, not saying anything. Finally
Ben pulled back a little though he still has his arms wrapped around me
and I was surprised to hear anger in his voice. 

"Why did you bring her here? The last thing she needs is to become upset.
This was totally uncalled for." He was looking at the doctor while he
spoke. 

"Ben... She didn't call me. I came on my own. I thought you followed me."
I interrupted. 

"Both of you come and sit down so we can get this straightened out."
Doctor Gibbs said and we walked over. This time Ben did sit on the sofa,
still keeping me close to him. 

"It's apparent to me that both of you are concerned about the others needs
more than your own. Constable, I would never violate doctor patient
confidentiality and did not contact your wife." She looked at me "and the
same goes for you. I didn't contact your husband to tell him you were
here." 

She stopped talking then and waited as we let her words sink in. 

"You didn't follow me?" I asked thinking of the last time we were at the
doctor. He shook his head no. "Then what are you doing here?" 

Ben cleared his throat. "The Inspector arranged for the sessions. It's
standard after any type of violent incident." 

I thought back to the laundry and the card. It must have been *his*.
Swallowing hard, I looked at him. "I uh...wanted to see if there was
anything I could do to help..."  

He turned a shade of red and looked away. Upon noticing, the doctor spoke
up. "Constable, Analise was only thinking of your best interests. She is
concerned about what has happened and how it effects your family." 

"I was going to tell you, but I wanted to wait until after today. Please
don't be mad at me." I placed my hand on his arm as I spoke and was taken
aback when he looked at me, his lips turning up slightly in the corners.
That was the last reaction I expected. 

"I could never be angry with you. So what do we do now?" He said, his
smile turning big. I hugged him to me and a tear of relief ran down my
cheek. The doctor smiled at both of us. 

"Now, lets get down to business shall we?"  

************ 

Ben held my hand as we walked in silence, taking in everything we learned
from one another. I was glad he was able to open up with some thing's, and
remembering what the doctor told me the first time I spoke with her alone,
tried not to take it to heart. 

My tendency to not want to bring up bad memories for Ben hadn't been an
issue, since the doctor took on the role of devil's advocate. She seemed
to know just what to say to get Ben to talk about what was bothering him.
I was more than a little dismayed to find out that it was mostly me. I
assumed it would be Victoria. 

There had been more issues between us than I realized. I didn't know Ben
felt uncomfortable with my sleeping in the buff. We used to make love so
often, that it became easier to not wear anything! No sooner did I have
something on, he would be taking it off of me. I smiled at the memory,
then frowned. It seemed it was going to be nothing more than a memory for
quite some time. Yes, he admitted he loved me, and loved holding me, but
he wasn't 'ready' for the next step. When I slept so close to him with
nothing between us except his boxers, he had been feeling that I was
pushing the issue. 

The next thing he brought up was the fact that my eating habits were off.
I became defensive at that, until the doctor gave me a warning look. This
was about Ben, not me. Not now anyway. He told her how worried he's been
about my barely eating, and my becoming sick so often. I was quick to
interject that today was the first time in a week it happened. 

The last thing he brought up before the session ended, was how he'd notice
me 'looking' at him. Well, not him, but his 'area'. Although I did it out
of concern, wanting to know if he was getting better, he found it highly
uncomfortable. I agreed to stop, and the doctor suggested that he give
periodic updates so I would be able to follow his progress. Thinking that
to be a logical compromise, Ben readily agreed. 

By the time we left there, I kinda felt that I had been through a let's
pick on Analise session. The doctor then made appointments for us to come
back both together and alone. Monday will be our next 'alone' sessions,
with Tuesday a 'family' one. 

The one thing that was bothering me most was why couldn't Ben just tell me
these things on his own? Glancing over at him, he seemed oblivious to my
inner turmoil.	

Taking a shortcut through the park, Ben guided us to a bridge going over a
small man-made pond. There was a bench near the middle and he led us to
it. We sat for a few minutes enjoying the scenery. I was really going to
miss autumn. It has always been my favorite time of year. The changing
leaves, the crisp air. I could almost smell the change in the air now.
When we go home, the only change will be from cold to colder. 

Lost in thought, I was unprepared when Ben spoke for the first time. 

"Analise? Do you ever...regret marrying me?" 

My head whipped around to look at him, but his eyes were turned down. 

"No Ben, not once." I said softly, wondering if he was having regrets.
"What would make you even *think* of asking a question like that?" 

He took a deep breath and when he looked at me, his eyes were sorrowful.
"Before you met me, you never were kidnapped, beaten, in a plane crash,
had to endure your baby being taken...." 

"Stop!" I yelled and he stared at me in shock as I jumped up and started
pacing. "How can you even think that? Before you Ben, I was alone. For
years I had been alone. If it wasn't for you, I don't even know where I'd
be right now! And now you are going to sit there and doubt what we have? I
can't do this. I'm sorry, I can't. Not now anyway." I ran my hands across
my face and leaned on the rail, looking over the pond. 

I felt Ben come up behind me, his body against mine as he pressed his
chest to my back, arms circling me. "I know it's silly for me to be
thinking things like this. Just so much has happened.... I love you more
everyday we're together... I guess.. I'm afraid that one day you'll
realize everything you've been through is because of me and decide to...."
He couldn't finish as his throat constricted. 

I remember the doctor telling me he would need extra assurance and
support. She forgot to mention how hard it would be. Taking a deep breath,
I turned and wrapped my arms around him. 

"I can't imagine life without you and the babies Ben. And I don't want to.
I wouldn't care if I have to go through hell everyday as long as I can
feel your arms around me at night. Got it?" I said and looked up at him so
he'd know I was sincere. 

"Understood."  

I took another deep breath and asked him something I didn't want to "what
about you? Are you having any regrets?" 

"Never." His reply though quiet, was firm and sincere. 

 

The rest of the night passed in a rather subdued fashion, and both Ben and
I decided to turn in early. We had to meet everyone at the docks by 9am,
and with the babies, it would take at least an hour or two to get
everything ready. 

After I washed up, I glanced over at Ben who had taken all his clothes off
except for his boxers and took a deep breath. My hands shook slightly as I
dug in my dresser for my favorite T-shirt. Knowing it was silly, I still
had to fight my misgivings back down. 

Ben didn't make eye contact with me, and I waited until his back was
turned before quickly changing. He was already in bed when I turned around
and I climbed into my side, being careful to give him enough room. This
was crazy! I was afraid to sleep with my own husband. Still, he hasn't
said anything, so this must be what he wants... I felt the bed move as Ben
turned off the light and I rolled on my side, back to him, hugging my
pillow. 

I was surprised when I felt him scooch close to me and wrap his arm around
my waist. He still didn't say anything though, and after a few minutes I
heard his steady breathing letting me know he fell asleep. 

  

The next morning, Ben was up before me as usual and I could hear him
humming as he pulled a short sleeved shirt on over his head and combed his
hair. He didn't seem to notice me looking at him as he bent down to put on
his shoes and socks. I closed my eyes then, remembering yesterday and not
wanting him to think that I was 'looking' at him again. 

It wasn't long before the babies woke, and Ben went into the other room to
get them. I sat up then, and feeling miserable, put on my robe as I
shuffled into the nursery. 

"Good morning" Ben smiled at me and I gave a weak one in return. I thought
that after getting a good night's sleep I would have been able to put this
into perspective. I felt worse now than I did yesterday. Taking Jacinda, I
sat in the rocker and started to nurse her. Ben held Robert, talking to
him while I got settled, then handed him to me and left the room. A few
minutes later I heard him tinkering around in the kitchen and knew he was
making breakfast. 

By the time the babies were done, Ben came back and took JC to burp her
while I kept Robert. I didn't get up right away and Ben stood there
fidgeting. 

"I made breakfast for us." He finally spoke and I nodded, letting him know
I heard him. He was still staring down at me and I figured I had a choice.
Either sit here and watch him stare at me, or go into the kitchen as was
our normal routine. Knowing the only acceptable solution, I stood and went
into the other room. 

Ben was right on my heels and moved past me to hold out my chair. I
mumbled a thanks and stared down at the plate of toast, banana, pear, and
mango slices, plus two glasses. One of orange juice and one of milk. Ben's
plate looked almost identical to mine, except he also added eggs. I really
didn't feel like eating anything, but the last thing I needed was to sit
through one of Ben's lectures.	

"We still have about an hour and a half before we need to be at the boat.
If you prefer, I can call Ray or Stan and ask them to give us a ride?" Ben
said, and I shook my head no. 

"They go out of their way enough. It isn't that far and I don't mind
walking. If you want though, we can take a taxi." 

"Walking will be enjoyable." He added smiling at me. I stood and placed JC
in her carrier.  

"I'm going to get a shower." I said and I was aware when Ben looked down
at my plate. He didn't say anything though, and I went into the other
room. 

 

************ 

Ray called from the boat as we approached and we waved at him. I was
impressed by the size of it. When Ben told me about the boat, I thought it
would be smaller. Lt. Welsh was up top and when Ray called out, he leaned
over the rail to look down at us. 

"Good morning leftenant. Permission to come aboard?" Ben called up to him,
causing the lieutenant's smile to become bigger. 

"Permission granted Constable! Hi Analise." 

"Good morning!" 

Frannie picked that moment to come up from below. "There you guys are!
This boat is awesome. There's a kitchen, sitting area, bathroom, and even
a bedroom downstairs!" 

I smiled at her enthusiasm as Ben used his long legs to bridge the
distance between the boat and the dock. Dief picked that moment to jump
past him onto the boat. Handing JC who was in her carrier to Ray, he put
the diaper bag down and turned back to me taking Robert. Frannie stepped
up to take him from Ben and he reached his hand up to me. 

The boat jarred against the dock from a wake, and if Ben hadn't been still
holding me, I would have fallen. 

"You better get your sea legs!" Ray teased from behind me and I smiled at
him. The padded seats on the covered deck could easily accommodate eight
to ten people and I was more than glad for the shade. Ben and I moved the
babies underneath and I looked around. 

"Where's Meg and Stan?" 

Ray's eyes grew big and his smile faded "the Dragon Lady's coming?" He
asked. 

"Yes, the Leftenant invited her and she is not a dragon lady." Ben
answered and I could have sworn the color drained from Ray's face. 

"What's the matter there bro? Getting sea sick already?" Frannie laughed
and Ray glared at her. 

"No." 

Lt. Welsh climbed down the ladder then looked at his watch. "Fifteen
minutes and we're outta here!" 

He seemed beside himself, and I knew he was really looking forward to
this. 

"This is a great boat Lieutenant." I told him. 

"Did you have the grand tour yet?" He asked and I shook my head no. "Well
then, let me do the honors." He held his hand out and I laughed as I took
it. He then looked over at Ben "I hope you don't mind my borrowing your
wife?" Welsh's charm was turned on full blast. 

"Not a-tall" Ben smiled back. 

 

"You know, I've worked the lake boats all my life...." Ben heard the
Lieutenant's voice trail off as the two disappeared. JC started to fuss,
and although Frannie was shaking a rattle trying to distract her, the
crying became more insistent. Ben went over and picked her up. As soon as
she was in her Daddy's arms, the fussing stopped and Ray shook his head. 

"You know you're spoiling them Benny."	

"I do believe it's impossible for something to spoil from attention. Take
fruit for instance, if you let it sit on the vine, and do nothing, it
spoils. However, if you water, mulch--" 

"Fraser!" 

Ben stopped his explanation and looked at his friend. He didn't seem to be
as relaxed now, compared to when they first arrived. 

"Is something bothering you Ray?" Ben asked. 

"He's just being crabby like always." Frannie interjected. 

"He isn't always crabby." Ben defended his friend. 

"I am not crabby, and nothing is bothering me, OK?" Ray finally spoke, his
voice rising slightly. 

Although Ben detected a slight edge of panic, he decided to let the
subject drop for now and smiled when he heard Analise coming back. 

"Leftenant, is there anything you need help with?" Ben asked, hoping to be
of some service. 

"When we cast off I'll need some help. Kowalski show up yet?" He looked
towards the dock. 

No sooner did the Lt. Ask, did we hear screeching tires as Stan's shiny
black GTO came to a halt. He climbed out and carrying a brown bag, put his
sunglasses on as he walked towards us. I waved to him when he was close
enough. 

"What's in the bag?" Welsh asked. 

"Just some basic necessities for a boating trip." Stan placed the bag on
the table and everyone crowded around as he pulled out quite a few six
packs of beer, chips, and cards causing positive responses from Ray and
Welsh while Ben looked on. 

"Anyone up for some poker?" Welsh asked. 

"I am" Frannie jumped in. 

"You can't play" Ray said, still miffed at his sister from earlier. 

"Why not?" 

"Because you're no good at it." 

"You are such a jerk!" She huffed. 

"That's enough out of both of you." Welsh used his 'official' voice and it
worked. 

"I take it this is the right place?" 

We turned to see Meg standing on the dock. "Permission to come aboard?"
She asked Welsh. 

"Permission granted." 

Stan was busy taking the food down stairs and I looked to see both Ray and
Ben staring at her with their mouths hanging open. 

Meg was wearing a peach colored short sleeved top with tan shorts. Her
hair was pulled back in a ponytail and I don't think any of us had ever
seen her look so casual. Welsh moved forward and offered her his hand. 

"Thank you." She said as she stepped down onto the boat. Ray still hadn't
moved and Welsh nudged him. 

This was the first time they had seen each other since the dinner at the
consulate. 

"Hi Meg" I said and she smiled at me. 

"Analise. Ben..." She looked over at Ray "detective" her face flushed
slightly and she looked away from him "Frannie." 

"OK, everything's stowed away!" Stan announced as he came bounding out
from the stairs. "Wow!" The comment slipped from his lips before he even
realized he'd said it when he noticed Meg for the first time. 

She blushed slightly as she acknowledged him. Ben shook himself back into
reality as she walked past him to sit by me and Frannie. Ray watched as
she crossed her legs. 

"I hope I'm not too late, I had some trouble hailing a taxi." 

"Why didn't you drive?" Frannie asked. 

"My car is in the shop." Meg dug into her purse and pulled out a pair of
sun glasses and put them on. 

"All right! Let's cast off." Welsh beamed and Ben handed JC to me. Frannie
was holding Robert. 

"I'd like to help." Meg said as she stood and went over to where the guys
were. Welsh started climbing the ladder to the helm.  

"You and Vecchio can get the aft lines, Fraser, you and Kowalski get the
ones up here." 

"Hey! Wait for us!"  

Welsh stopped his ascent as two figures double timed it towards the boat.
We watched as Tom Dewey and Jack Huey came closer. 

"Aw geez!" Ray grimaced. "This day just keeps getting worse!" 

Dief whined and Ben looked down at him. "That was not nice." He scolded.  

Tom reached the boat first. I tried not to laugh at his outfit. He was
wearing flip-flops, very loud Bermuda shorts with a matching top, and a
pair of sunglasses were hanging from a cord around his neck. At least Jack
looked muted. 

"I didn't think we'd make it Lieutenant. We thought you said dock 63, not
36!" 

"Now how could that have happened?" Welsh asked as he started climbing
again. 

Remembering the job she had to do, Meg swallowed and headed to the back of
the boat, not waiting for Ray. When he saw her go, he at first hesitated,
but then told himself he was acting stupid and followed to find her bent
over, untying a knot. The position she was in not only gave him a good
view of her backside, but her shorts rode up revealing even more leg.
Realizing that he was staring, he forced his eyes away and busied himself
with the other rope. 

The engine hummed to life as Ray called back letting Welsh know they were
finished. Meg straightened and as they started back to the front of the
boat, it lurched away from the dock causing both of them to fall into each
other, then down onto the deck. Meg landed on top of Ray for the most
part, and as she struggled to get up, another lurch caused her to fall
back on him. 

"Ouch! Watch where you're going!" He yelled. She had almost hit the family
jewels. 

"Vecchio get off me!" She snapped back. 

"I'm not the one on top. You get off!" He was more than a little aware of
the feel of her body on him, and he put his hands on her waist to help
balance her, but she slapped them away. 

"Hey I was just trying to help!" He defended his actions. 

"I don't need your help!" 

Ray looked past her right shoulder and she followed his gaze to see Ben
staring down at them, eyes wide. 

"Constable." He scrambled over to help her up, much to Ray's annoyance.
"This isn't what you think."  

"Sir?" 

"The boat moved." She stammered as she straightened her clothes. 

"Understood sir." 

Meg opened her mouth to say something else, but snapped it shut and pushed
past Ben. Both men watched her leave and then Ben offered his hand to Ray
who was still on the deck. 

Ray's eyes met Ben's "it was an accident!" 

"Yes Ray, I'm sure it was." 

Ray sighed and headed towards the front of the boat "come on." 

 

The day was beautiful with the sun shining down and I knew it had to be
near 85 degrees. About two hours out, Welsh cut the engine and dropped
anchor. Stan had been entertaining us with the tale of the last time he
and Ben were on a boat and I found myself laughing harder than I had in a
long time. 

"Well, if you want you can go swimming. I personally am going to put out a
couple of lines and see what's biting." Welsh said. 

"Swimming sounds good to me! You want to come along?" I asked Ben as I
placed my hand on his leg and he covered it with his own. 

"I'll watch the babies." 

"They're sleeping Ben, come on." I urged, not wanting to go in by myself. 

"I'll go." Frannie jumped in. 

Looking at Ben one more time, he seemed relieved. 

"OK, how about you Meg?" 

"I don't know" she hesitated like always. 

"Come on! Live a little!" Frannie rolled her eyes as she spoke. 

Meg glanced at everyone. 

"It will be fun." I added knowing she was on the fence. 

"All right." 

I dug my bathing suit out of the diaper bag and kissed Ben on the cheek.
"Be right back." 

"Aw...aint that sweet." Tom chimed in. 

 I straightened "how about you guys? Anyone up for a dip?" 

They all started coming up with excuses and after a few minutes of
babbling, I rolled my eyes and headed down the stairs. 

It didn't take long to change, and when we went back up, the guys were
talking together and laughing. Ben had both carries by his feet, taking
turns rocking them. When they saw us, everything stopped as they stared. I
looked at Meg and Frannie surprised to see embarrassment. 

"Oh grow up! You act as if you've never seen women wearing bathing suits
before." Meg snapped at them. Ben was trying not to look at his commanding
officer's lack of attire, or his best friends sister for that matter. He
did finally rest his eyes on me and I watched as his mouth dropped open.
At the same time, Ben and Ray scrambled to find towels and brought them
over to us. 

"Ray! What are you doing?" Frannie asked her brother. He was trying to
wrap a towel around her, and she was trying to get him to stop. 

"Cover yourself up!" 

"It's a bathing suit Ray! You'd think I was wearing lingerie with the way
you're acting!" He managed to get it around her anyway and she glared at
him. That job done, he looked over at me and then tried to avert his eyes,
only to have them fall on Meg. This was the first time I saw him turn that
red! 

Ben wasn't much better with me, although he wasn't as forceful. He stood
in front of me, blocking my body from the view of the rest of the guys,
and of course, he just happened to be holding a towel out at a most
convenient angle. 

"Ben?" Although he was standing in front of me, his gaze fell elsewhere. 

"Ben!" That got his attention. "This is silly. Put the towel away and go
sit down." He looked at my bathing suit and I followed his gaze. I
couldn't see anything wrong with it. I was wearing a white one piece that
was opened across the stomach and scooped low in the back. There was even
a cute tie going across the bosom. When I bought it, I was thinking of how
Ben would probably enjoy unlacing it. Still, it isn't as if I wasn't
covered. 

Frannie took advantage of Ray's attention being focused on Meg and took
the towel off as she walked past him. 

"I brought some sun block" she said pulling it from her bag. 

We each took some, and I put the snorkel set I found down as I smoothed it
on. Ben came over to sit with me. The lieutenant had to clear his throat
and give both Jack, Stan and Tom warning looks to get them to stop staring
at us. It's a good thing he did too. It looked like Ray was about to go
ballistic on them! 

Ben would you? I asked holding up the bottle of sun block. He quickly took
it and I turned my back to him, moving my hair out of his way. The way he
was applying it.... He made it feel like a massage.... A very sensual
massage...  

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back slightly, reveling the feeling.
Ben's hands stopped and I sighed. When I looked at him, he smiled and
handed me the bottle.  

"Thanks" 

"Ready?" Frannie asked us. I nodded and we headed to the small gate on the
side of the boat. Meg was the first to dive in and we quickly followed.
The water was a lot colder than I imagined it would be, and I broke the
surface with a gasp. 

Ben was looking down over the side with a familiar look of concern gracing
his features. 

"Don't go too far." 

I smiled up at him "I love you too Ben." Putting the goggles on, I took a
deep breath and disappeared under the water. 

"Hey Benny, you playing or what?" Ben looked back to see Ray holding up a
deck of cards while the rest of the guys were arranging a table and
getting the snacks ready. He gave Meg and Frannie a smile before going
over to help. 

 

About a half hour later, Ben had a huge pile of peanuts on the table in
front of him. Tom threw his cards down "I fold." 

Jack looked over at his partner "you've folded for the last three hands." 

"Yeah, well lady luck isn't with me today." He replied. 

Stan let out a laugh "you haven't had luck with a lady for a lot longer
than that!" 

Everyone chuckled much to the man's dismay. "I haven't seen you with a
woman Kowalski. Maybe Stella's the only one who'd take you." Tom threw
back at him. 

Stan's smile faded as he reached across the table and grabbed Tom's shirt.
Ray and Ben tried to peel the angry blond man off of him. Welsh and Jack
were busy trying to keep Dewey back. 

"Don't you *ever* mention her again! You got that?" Stan's one hand was
curled into a fist, and if it wasn't for the Italian holding his arm back,
it would probably have made contact with Dewey's face. 

Dewey didn't say anything and after a minute or two, Stan pulled back and
jerked out of the arms that still held him. "I'm good." 

"Let's get back to the cards." Welsh said looking at both men "are you two
in or out?" 

"Out" Tom went over and got another beer. 

"I'm in" Stan antied up and tried to forget the comment Dewey made. After
a few minutes, he looked out across the water. "They've been out there for
a while now."  

"Precisely 37 minutes." Ben supplied. 

"You're timing them?" Ray asked incredulously. He had more than a few
times gotten up on the pretense of getting one thing or another, and
managed to 'glance' over the railing at the women. This hadn't gone
unnoticed by Ben. 

They turned at a noise and saw Frannie climbing back into the boat. Ray
saw the guys stare at her again. "That's my sister!" He reminded them, and
they quickly turned their attention back to the game. 

"How's it going?" She asked motioning to the table. 

"Fraser's killing us" Jack answered. 

I followed Meg up the ladder and taking a towel, started to dry my hair. I
then leaned over to check on the babies. 

"They haven't woke yet." 

I looked at Ben when he spoke and noticed he was looking at my cleavage. I
knew he'd like the tie. 

"I'm going to go lay out then, if you don't mind." 

"Lay out?" He asked. 

"Sunbathe" 

"Ah." 

I headed up to the front of the boat and spread my towel out on the deck.
No sooner was I comfortable, did a shadow fall across me. Shading my eyes
against the sun, I looked to see Dief staring down at me. He whined and I
scratched him behind the ears. He laid down beside me and I relaxed again.


 

I must have fell asleep. When I awoke, I could feel another shadow and I
was going to push Dief put of my way when something soft kissed my lips.
Feeling a tongue probing gently, I parted my lips in response and allowed
it to explore my mouth, my own tongue answering in reply. 

When the kiss was over, I opened my eyes to see Ben leaning over me.
Smiling, I ran my hands up his chest and then down his arms and back
again. 

"How long have I been sleeping?" I asked. 

"Not long, I didn't want you to burn." He dipped his head again and I
brought my hands up to run them through his hair, deepening the kiss. His
one hand, made it's way slowly down my side. He pulled back slightly and I
could hear a shaky exhaled breath. He liked this! I tried to keep my
excitement in check remembering what the doctor said. He would have to be
the one to initiate what happens and determine how far it goes. 

"Analise..." He closed his eyes and then pulled me up into his embrace
shaking slightly and when he pulled back, his eyes searched mine. I gave
him a reassuring smile. 

"It's all right Ben. When you're ready, I'll be here for you." 

His eyes teared up and he smiled at me. While caressing my cheek, he ran
his fingers across my lips and I kissed them. 

"This is hard for me" he said in a low voice. 

I nodded slightly. "I know." 

"I want to..." 

Smiling, I placed my hand over his and guided it from my cheek to my lips
so I could kiss his palm. "I don't mind waiting." 

 

"Hey you two, chow time!"  

Ben and I both jumped at the loud voice and he pulled back. We looked over
to see Dewey staring down at us and I glared at him. 

"Go away!" The harsh words were out of my mouth before I realized it, and
Dewey backed off. Looking at Ben, I knew it was too late. His walls were
back up. 

"We should join the others." He said as he stood and held his hand out to
me.  

"I didn't mean to snap at him." I said. 

Ben reached down and took the towel. "I understand." 

 

He held my hand as we joined the others, and I noticed that Meg and
Frannie had both changed back into their clothes. Feeling a little awkward
being the only one still wearing one, I excused myself to go and change. 

I was just finishing up when there was a knock on the bedroom door. "Come
in" I called and Ben opened the door. In his hand was a plate. 

"I hope you're hungry." He smiled at me as he closed the door and set the
plate down on the dresser. 

"You didn't need to bring it down Ben, I was coming up." I looked at the
choices on the plate frowning. When the lieutenant said that the food was
taken care of, I should have asked what the food would be. We had cheese
curls, doritos, and a sub sandwich. 

"I just wanted to spend some time with you alone." He added. 

"What about the babies? They have to be hungry by now." I didn't like the
look in his eye and I knew there was something else he wasn't telling me. 

"They are fine." 

"You fed them?"  

He nodded and picked up the plate again. Sitting on the edge of the bed,
Ben patted the spot beside him. "I know it isn't the best of choices, but
it's the best out of everything they brought. I sometimes wonder how they
manage to exist on what they consume." 

I laughed, knowing that he was serious and picked up a cheese curl.
Nibbling on it, I looked as Ben watched me. "Aren't you going to eat?" I
asked 

"I already have." 

"Why don't we go up? You don't want them to think that we're doing more
than eating down here!" I half joked with him. I desperately hoped he
would agree. The intense scrutiny I was under did nothing for my appetite.


"Actually, I find this quite cozy." 

"Liar." I said it firm. How stupid did he think I was. We both saw through
each other. 

Ben looked down and sighed. "I would like you to eat. If we go up there,
you will come up with some excuse not to." 

"I don't need you watching over me. I can eat just fine. I *have* been
doing it for the past 32 years." I added. Ben just gave me that wide eyed
look as he sat quietly. Sighing, I sat back down beside him and picked up
the sandwich. This man was going to be the death of me yet. 

After eating about half the sandwich and some chips, I couldn't even look
at another bite. Ben seemed satisfied though, and smiled at me. "Can we
please go up stairs now?" I sighed at him. This was really embarrassing!
"Yes, and thank you." He picked up the plate and opened the door for me.
When we reached the deck, there were applause from most of the guys. "I
didn't think you had it in you Fraser." Jack said smiling at us. "Bold,
very bold." Tom added. "What are you people talking about?" I asked. Ray
waved his hand at them "don't listen to them. They can't even go to the
bathroom without their mind being in the gutter." I looked around at
everyone and shook my head as Ben busied himself with putting the plate
away. When he came over, he handed me a Pepsi. We were also handed both
babies, and I was happy they seemed content to just look around. This had
been a great day so far, but it was about three o'clock and time to head
back. Lt. Welsh must have been thinking the same thing. He came around
from the back of the boat and was frowning at his fishing lines. "No bites
sir?" Ray asked him. "Not even a nibble." He sighed. "You know, when I was
a kid, my grandpa would pull fish out of this lake as big as my arm.
Now...." He shook his head as his voice trailed off. "Perhaps you'll have
better luck next time." Ben offered. "Well, we might as well get moving."
He put the rods in a corner of the boat and headed up the ladder to the
helm. We entertained ourselves by talking, taking in the scenery. After a
while, Meg looked over at Ben. "Fraser, may I speak with you a moment?"
She asked. "Yes sir. Ray would you?" Ben motioned to Robert. "Yeah sure
Benny." Ray smiled at the baby and talked softly to him as Ben followed
Meg to the back of the boat. "I didn't know whether or not to give this to
you today or wait until Monday. There was apparently a back log and it
took longer than expected to arrive." She held a manilla folder in her
hand as she spoke. From the hesitant nature in her words and actions, Ben
could tell whatever the folders contents were, it wasn't good news. Ben
stood there waiting for her to continue, and Meg straightened, holding it
out to him. Ben reached for it, but before she let go, she spoke. "It's
the autopsy report on Metcalf." Ben's eyes met hers as he struggled with
his emotions. "Thank you Sir." She turned to go so he could read the
contents in private, but turned back at the last minute. "Fraser... Ben,
if there's anything you need..." "Thank you sir...Meg." He gave her a
smile which she returned, then left.  Ben stared at the folder, trying to
decide whether or not to open it now, or wait. He already knew they didn't
have intercourse, but there was so much more he didn't know. Would it
matter now? She was gone. Hesitantly, he opened the folder and looked at
the first paragraph, scanning briefly. No. Now was not the right time to
look at this. He needed to get back to Analise and the babies. Taking
purposeful strides, Ben headed to the front of the boat and before sitting
down, tucked it into the diaper bag. Meg looked at him but didn't say
anything.  I climbed the ladder to the helm where the Lt. was, to give him
some iced tea. The view was even better from up here, and a nice breeze
was coming across. "I thought you might be thirsty" I said as I held the
drink out to him. "Thank you." He looked back out across the water "I'll
tell you Analise, there's nothing I love more than being out here in the
open, taking in the sea air." He said wistfully. "I know how you feel.
I've always loved the ocean, not that I've had a chance to go in years...
But being out here is so peaceful. You don't get a lot of time to come out
do you?" I asked. Harding let out a small laugh "With my job? Not a
chance. There was a time though, when I was first married. No matter what
was going on, we always managed to come out on the lake during the
weekends. Of course, back then I was a beat cop. A rookie. Now there is
too much to do. Crime doesn't stop on the weekends." His voice held a sad
edge. "You were married?" I asked. No one had ever mentioned that before.
Without looking at me he continued "for 22 years." "What happened?" I
didn't want to bring up bad memories for him, but I was drawn to his
story. "She got tired of always being second to my work. More demands were
placed on me at the station and that meant less time I could spend with
her. She deserved better than second best. More than once she gave me an
ultimatum, either the job or her...." He took a sip of tea before
continuing. "I can't really blame her though. How many women would live
their entire life knowing IF some crime didn't happen or anything else
work related, THEN maybe their husband would be home that night." I looked
down, knowing that what he was describing could very well be Ben and
myself twenty years from now. He must have picked up on that. "But hey,
that's nothing like what you and Fraser got going. You two are going to be
happy together." He said reassuringly. I smiled at him and looked for some
way to change the subject. Out a little ways from us was a boat, but
something about it didn't look right. Not that I was too familiar with
them, but this one seemed really low in the water. "Look at that boat. Is
that normal?" I asked the Lt. He looked in the direction I pointed and
then picked up a pair of binoculars. "It looks like it's dead in the
water. I don't see anyone on deck though." The cop in him was already
thinking ahead and he turned the wheel around, heading for the boat. I
went back down to tell everyone what we were doing, and by the time we
pulled up along side, they were waiting. Ben and Ray threw ropes over and
secured the boats together, then they, along with Meg, Jack, Tom, Stan and
Welsh boarded the vessel. I was pretty upset to have been told to wait
here and Frannie didn't take it much better either. They disappeared
downstairs, and after about five minutes, Stan rushed up and ran to the
far side of the rail before heaving. What was down there? I strapped both
babies into their carriers and looked at Dief. "Stay here and watch them."
Frannie had already went over when Stan came rushing out, and I went to
the stairs. I was only halfway down when Ben met me. "What are you doing?"
He asked, his voice was a little on the sharp side. "I wanted to see what
was going on." I answered, trying to move down further, but he blocked my
way. "Ben let me through." "This isn't a place for you." He said evenly
and took hold of my upper arm. "Let go of me!" He was insistent though,
and continued to move up the stairs while holding onto my arm. When we
reached the deck, he let go and I turned around to glare at him. "I am not
a little kid Ben! Stop treating me like one! You watch what I eat, you
don't want me to see anything that might 'upset' me, and you nit pick over
me like a mother hen! Just stop it will you!" I yelled, then gasped in
shock. Oh god! Did I really just go off like that? The look on his face
told me the truth and I stood there, not quite knowing what to say. Ben
ran a finger across his eyebrow, then looked at me with hurt eyes before
turning away and walking to the other part of the boat. He hadn't said a
word. I watched him go, then looked over at Stan who was staring at the
retreating figure of Ben, slack jawed. Shakily, I climbed back over to the
other boat and out of sight, sat on the bench, folded my legs up and
hugged my knees. Only then did I let my tears fall. Frannie came back a
few minutes later and looked visible shaken. Luckily she didn't feel like
talking and I watched as she climbed the ladder to the helm. I was still
sitting here when she came back down. Ray was on the deck of the other
boat now. "Did you call it in?" He yelled over to his sister. "Yeah. The
coast guard will be here soon." She replied then sat down beside me. "I
never get used to that either. Are you all right?" Frannie obviously
thought I was upset from whatever was down there, and I didn't correct
her, just nodded my head. It was a while before anyone else came back
over, and I had discovered from Frannie that there was a woman below, she
had been murdered. The guys were busy marking off the crime scene and
searching for clues. Ben had also went back below to help out. Knowing it
would probably be quite a few hours before we would be going anywhere, and
also knowing that I wasn't going to try and go over to the boat again, or
talk to Ben right now, I took the babies and headed downstairs.  

I was surprised when I felt someone shaking me, to see Stan leaning over
the bed. I practically jumped into a sitting position and looked at him. 

"I didn't mean to scare you. We're home." He said and waited as I got my
bearings. I pushed my hair out of the way, and looked at my watch. It was
almost seven in the evening! 

"What happened?" I asked, meaning the other boat. 

"There's going to be a full investigation. The lieutenant is taking this
kinda personally, so I don't know. Apparently there have been a lot of
robberies on the lake lately, but this is the first time someone was
killed. It might not be related though, we gotta wait and see." 

I nodded in comprehension as I looked around the room. "Where are the
babies?" 

"Fraser took them up on deck about two hours ago."  

It was only then I realized that I was covered up, and somehow just knew
that Ben had been the one to do it. I stood and started to make the bed as
Stan continued to look at me. 

"Sometimes things just need to be said." Stan said quietly and I stopped
what I was doing, pillow still in my hand. Taking a deep breath, I plumped
it and placed it on the bed. 

I didn't look at him as I spoke. "I shouldn't have said anything. He's
been through enough lately." 

"Maybe if you stopped treating him like he was going to break, things
would lighten up." He replied. 

"What do you mean by that?" I demanded.  

Stan took the toothpick out of his mouth "Come on, we all see how you act
around him since we've gotten back. It's as if you're afraid to do or say
anything to him. You never had any trouble before letting him know how you
felt, why start now?" 

I didn't bother to hide the sarcasm in my voice. "Well thank you Dr.
Freud. Just what would you know about what we've been going through?"  

Stan shook his head slightly "Nothing. Forget I said anything." 

"Wait Stan" I quickly went over to him and placed my hand on his arm "I'm
sorry, that was totally uncalled for you were only trying to help." 

"Don't worry about it. Ready?" 

I nodded and Stan held the door to let me go first. I was wondering why
Ben hadn't been the one to come down and wake me. When we reached the
deck, there was no one around. The flashing lights of police cars caught
my attention, and I looked towards the dock to see everyone congregated
around one. How long had we been back? 

Ben was in deep conversation with one of the officers, and didn't see me
approach. I stood quietly beside him, not wanting to interrupt. Then
again, I didn't quite know what to say either. 

After Ben thanked the officer, he turned to see me standing there, and
stared at me for a long moment. 

"I'm sorry Ben. I don't know where that came from. I didn't mean to take
it out on you." 

"I.. I can't talk about this right now." Ben spoke quietly then walked
away from me. I stood there in shock as he went over to Lt. Welsh and
spoke. 'So, this is what it comes down to. Fine. I can live with that.' I
thought to myself as irritation ate away at my insides. 'Why should I care
if he wants to talk or not? I AM tired of tiptoeing around him all the
time! I'm tired of him acting as if I can't do anything on my own. Hell, I
can't even go to the store without him making Diefenbaker go with me!
Doesn't he trust me?' 

Meg came over as I was fuming. "Analise, are you all right? You look
upset." She asked. 

"I am upset Meg. There's nothing you can do about it though, so don't
worry." My words were harsh and I sighed. "I'm sorry. I just have a lot
going on right now." 

"It has been a long day for everyone." She looked at Ben as she spoke and
I got the message. 

We went back to the group and I was surprised to hear Ben ask Stan if he'd
give us a ride home. I just assumed that we would walk. He readily agreed
and I then remembered that Meg said she was without a car. Doing my good
deed for the day I spoke up. 

"Ray, do you think you could give Meg a ride home? It's not too far from
your house." 

"That really isn't necessary" Meg interjected "I'm sure I can hail a cab
with no problem" she hastily added. 

"Getting a cab with all this commotion going on isn't going to be easy and
you know it. Besides, it's not like you are going on a date with Ray. He'd
just be giving you a ride home. Right Ray?" I looked over at him. 'Let's
see what he says about that!' 

"Uh..no.. I mean sure.. It's no problem." Ray looked at Ben and everyone
else while he answered. Everyone but Meg that is. 

"Great! Then it's settled." I said. 'Besides, it's not like they'll be
alone, Frannie will be with them.' I looked around "Where is Frannie?" I
had just realized she wasn't on the dock with us. 

"One of the cruisers took her and the babies home about an hour ago." Ray
answered. 

I hadn't even realized that the babies weren't here! What kind of a mother
did that make me? Ben didn't really look at me, and I was torn between
feeling guilty and angry. I wasn't really aware of the rest of the
conversation, lost in thought as I was, and I was jarred back into reality
when everyone started moving towards the cars. Ray told us not to worry
about the babies, that he would bring them by tomorrow morning. I sighed
thinking about what we were going to talk about. 

 

Ben unlocked the door to the apartment, and didn't speak as he went down
the hallway. A few minutes later, I heard the shower running and with a
sigh, I sat on the couch. Turning on the TV, I started flipping through
channels for lack of anything better to do. After a few minutes of that, I
turned it off and went into the kitchen. It had occurred to me that we
hadn't eaten dinner yet. 

I fixed a fruit and veggie plate for us, and sat it on the coffee table
with a pot of tea for Ben. The shower had ended a few minutes ago, and I
didn't have long to wait before he came into the living room wearing his
long john bottoms and towel drying his hair. 

"Are you hungry? I fixed a snack and made some tea" I said and watched as
he looked down at the plate of food. 

Ben sat down on the other side of the couch and poured himself a cup. He
hadn't said anything yet and I was waiting for him to start. When it
became apparent that he wouldn't, I spoke up. 

"I'm sorry for blowing up on you today. I was out of line and I don't
blame you for being angry with me." 

"I'm not angry." He said 

"Then what are you?" I asked. 

"Hurt."  

Sighing, I moved closer to him. "I didn't mean to hurt you Ben. Sometimes
I just feel boxed in when you hover so much. I can take care of myself.
I've been doing that for the past 17 years now, and sometimes it gets to
be a bit much when you do things for me." 

"Why didn't you say something before now?" His voice held a slight
impatient edge to it. 

"I didn't know it was bothering me as much as it was. Sometimes I just
like doing things for myself. That doesn't mean I don't like it when you
do things for me though. Why couldn't you just let me see for myself what
was down in the boat? And don't tell me it was a police matter. Frannie
went down" 

"You know why." 

"You were trying to protect me again." I said in an exasperated tone. 

"You need someone to look after you." 

"Since when?" 

"Since you won't do it for yourself." Ben looked at me and moved a little
closer, taking my hand "I'd like you to go see a doctor." 

I pulled my hand back as my anger flared "I don't need to see a doctor.
Just because I don't feel hungry doesn't mean I have a problem. If anyone
should see a doctor it should be you!" 

"You are starving yourself to death! And you are acting childish not
owning up to it!" His voice was also rising. 

"Me childish? Why don't you take a look in the mirror Ben! I'm not the one
who's too paranoid to let their own wife look at them!" 

"You want to see me? Is that what this is all about? Fine, then look!" Ben
stood and flung his long johns down, exposing himself to me. "Does this
make you happy? You've been after me for weeks now so look!" 

As much as I wanted to, I knew that I'd regret it if I did. I wanted him
to show me because he wanted to, not because of some displaced anger. 

"See, the marks are all going away. No permanent damage. Does this make
you happy now?" 

Shaking my head I stood and not looking at him, moved past Ben to go into
the bedroom. Before I made it to the door, he came up behind me and placed
his hands on my arms. 

"Analise." I didn't turn around, and Ben gently did it for me. Without
saying anything else, he closed the distance between us and held me tight.


We stood there for a little while, then I pulled back and went into the
bedroom to get my pajama's ready. Ben didn't say anything as I headed into
the bathroom to get my shower. Twenty minutes later I came out to find him
fast asleep. Sighing, I turned out the lights and crawled into bed. 

************** 

Ray glanced over at the woman in the passenger seat of the Riv. She looked
as if she would jump out of the Riv as soon as he came to a red light. Meg
hadn't said more than two words since they started, and one was actually
more of a gasp when Ray ran a stop sign. 

His stomach growled reminding him they hadn't ate dinner yet. Without
asking, he pulled into the parking lot of a small but very good bistro. 

Meg sat straighter and stared out the windshield. "Detective, what are you
doing?" 

"We haven't ate yet, and I'm hungry. This place has some of the best food
in Chicago. I know the owner personally." 

Ray turned off the Riv and looked at Meg. She seemed torn between what to
say next. 

"It isn't like we're out on a date or anything." Ray added 'maybe this
wasn't such a good idea after all' he thought to himself. 

"Of course not." Meg replied "only getting some food....to go." 

Ray didn't wait for a more positive answer, and got out of the Riv. 

Sighing, Meg glanced in the mirror quickly then joined him. When they
approached the door, Meg didn't wait to see if he would hold it open. She
flung the door open at the same time Ray leaned forward. The edge of the
door connected with his face by his left eye.  

"Ow! What are you trying to do? Kill me?" He held the side of his face as
he glared at her with his good eye. Part of him wondered if she had done
that on purpose. 

"I'm sorry Vecchio." Meg looked at him and had to resist the urge to
laugh. The tough Chicago detective acting like a little kid as he held his
hand over his eye. "Here, let me look at it." She said as she stepped
forward. 

Ray involuntarily took a step back and Meg scoffed at him. "Oh come on!
Don't tell me you're afraid." 

Ray never had been good at taking pot shots to his manhood, "Of you?
Please!" The sarcasm in his voice was thick. 

"I am only trying to help" Meg replied tersely. 

"You've 'helped' enough already." Ray pouted. 

"You're worse than a child. It *can't* be that bad." She said as she
stepped forward again. This time Ray didn't stop her from pulling his hand
away from his eye and looking. There was a bruise starting to form, but
nothing serious. 

"You'll live." She stated, trying hard not to show her amusement at the
whole situation. 

Ray mumbled something under his breath as they both reached for the door
again. Luckily his reflexes were quicker this time and the door missed
him.  

The restaurant held a casual atmosphere, and Meg was happy she wasn't
underdressed. 

Ray looked around the dining area, and waved when he spotted an elderly
gentleman near the kitchen door. When the man noticed them, he hurried
over. 

"Detective Vecchio, I haven't seen you in a long time! Are you still
putting bad guys away?" The man smiled at Ray, then squinted his eyes to
take a closer look at the cop "what happened to your eye?" 

"Uh.. Nothing. It's good to see you too Mario. You haven't had anymore
problems with those punk who tore up your place have you?" Ray asked. 

"Not since you arrested them! After they got out, one even came back to
apologize. Said it had something to do with that Mountie who was with
you." Mario's features took on a slightly confused look, as if he still
couldn't believe it. 

"Good. If you do just give me a call." Ray looked over at Meg then.
"Mario, this is Inspector Thatcher." 

Mario took on an appreciative look and held out his hand. "It's a pleasure
to meet you." He said with years of practiced charm and instead of shaking
her hand when he'd captured it, he raised it to his lips kissing it. 

Meg visibly flustered "likewise." She said glancing over at Ray to see him
smiling broadly. 

 "Let me get the two of you a table." Mario turned to scan the dining
area. 

"That won't be necessary" Meg spoke quickly "we are just getting something
to go." 

Mario took on an understanding look as he grinned at Ray and elbowed him
lightly in the ribs "I see. Let me get you our specialty, you'll be
pleasantly surprised." 

Ray looked over at Meg who was staring at Mario, as if she wanted to beat
the truth about her relationship or lack of with Ray into him. 

"Thanks Mario" Ray quickly added as the man narrowly escaped his fate by
hurrying off towards the kitchen again. Sitting at a nearby table to wait,
Ray looked up at Meg. "You're going to love the food, Mario is a little
'eccentric', but he can cook." 

She looked at him for a moment, trying to decide whether or not to join
him. Deciding she would make less of a spectacle sitting, Meg sat down and
busied herself with brushing imaginary lint off her shorts. 

Neither one spoke to each other, and Ray watched as Meg glanced at her
watch frequently. Trying to alleviate the growing tension, Ray spoke up. 

"So... That was some day we had today, huh? Who would have thought we'd
find a body out there." Ray mentally kicked himself for sounding so
stupid. If Meg noticed, she didn't mention it. 

"With the high crime rate in Chicago, I'm surprised we only happened
across one." Meg straightened in her chair a little, ready for the
argument she knew would come. It was easier to antagonize the detective,
than to make superficial small talk. 

"Oh yeah, I forgot, Canada doesn't have crime. That's why their police
officers are busy picking up dry cleaning and making coffee." Ray
retorted. 

Meg looked away from him, she knew he was referring directly to her having
Fraser pick up *her* dry cleaning and making *her* coffee. "Yes well,
perhaps if more Chicago police would bother to observe more criminal
activity instead of the nearest doughnut shop, the crime rate would be
down here also." 

Ray was just about to get loud with his reply when Mario came up to the
table holding up a large bag. Glaring at Meg one more time, he took it
from Mario as he pulled out his wallet. Meg wasn't going to let him pay
for her, so she just as quickly pulled out her money. 

"No, no... Keep your money. It's on the house, the least I can do." Mario
waved their money away. 

"I couldn't possibly let you do that Mario" Meg said, still holding out
her money while Ray put his wallet away. 

"It's already done. Now go you two, before it gets cold." He practically
shooed them out the door. 

"Thanks for everything Mario" Ray said as they left. 

 

************* 

Ben looked down at Analise, as worry lines creased his forehead. Why
wouldn't she just eat? For weeks now, he'd watched her become ill, and it
was no secret how tired she's become. There isn't a day that goes by she
doesn't take a long nap. Probably from her body shutting down he surmised.
If she kept this up much longer, she would need medical intervention. 

Normally, he would get up and make her breakfast, knowing that if she was
going to eat anything, it would be from his urging. Today though, he
didn't know if he should. Ben knew that yesterday she spoke her mind to
him, and though it hurt, he wanted to respect her wishes. 'Just like she
respected mine last night' he thought to himself. It would have been so
easy for her to just glance over at him. 

Ben leaned over and kissed her gently. She could be so stubborn sometimes.
Gently, he brushed a strand of hair away from her face as he thought back
to last summer. He was so afraid to crowd her then, not wanting her to
push away from him, and now here he was doing the same thing. When would
he ever learn? Not wanting to leave her side yet, Ben snuggled closer and
wrapped his arms protectively around her. He was pleased when Analise
turned and draped herself across his bare chest. 

Running his hands soothingly down her back he regretted, not for the first
time, his asking her to wear pajama's to bed. He missed the feel of her
skin against his own. When she readily complied, he relaxed, then berated
himself for doubting that she would. The silky feel of the periwinkle slip
she was wearing did stimulate him though, and Ben felt his heart rate
increase as he continued his ministrations. More than anything, he wanted
to make love to her, but no sooner would he go to act on the urge, did an
unbidden image flash in his head. 

It was always the same, he would be in the cabin and looking down, there
she would be, Victoria, ready to take him into her mouth. And knowing that
she *did* and he couldn't stop her... He shook himself to get rid of the
memory. 

Ben suddenly remembered the autopsy report and realized it was still in
the diaper bag that Frannie had taken with her! Closing his eyes, he hoped
that she or anyone else for that matter wouldn't read it. Perhaps he
should call the Vecchio's and mention that it was an official document.
Looking at the time, he knew it would not be welcome at this hour. 

Analise stirred in his arms and her leg came up to rest against his upper
thigh. Her slip had ridden up, and the roundness of her rear was exposed
to him. Ben slid his hand down her back and after pausing ever so briefly,
decided to feel the smooth skin for himself. His member throbbed with
wanting for her, and he had to will his heart rate back down. He hadn't
had to apply that technique this frequently since he and Ray were strapped
to explosives.	

Breathing deep, Ben inhaled her unique scent and groaned. Why couldn't he
just do it? Knowing that she would be waking soon, he will himself to let
go of her. Making sure she was covered, he quickly changed and went into
the other room. 

*** 

Ben looked at me when I came into the living room. When he smiled at me, I
felt myself relax and went over to give him a kiss. 

"Morning." I said. 

"Yes, it is a good morning." He replied. 

I looked around but didn't see any breakfast. This was the first time in a
while Ben didn't have something waiting for me. Feeling lighter than I
did, I went into the kitchen and grabbed a mango and a pear while pouring
myself a glass of milk. Slicing the fruit, I took the plate and headed
into the living room to sit beside Ben. He was smiling broadly at me. 

"Want some?" I asked holding the plate out to him. 

"No thank you. I have already eaten." We sat quietly for the most part
while I ate, and every once in a while I would catch Ben glance at me. 

"What time do you think Ray will be bringing the babies home?" I asked. It
was only about eight thirty in the morning. 

"Knowing him, probably not until after ten." 

I drank the last of my milk and after took the dishes rinsing them in the
sink, then strapped on my fannie pack. 

"Where are you going?" Ben stood as I headed for the door. 

"I don't know when I'll have a chance to jog again, and I want to get back
before Ray comes." 

Ben frowned as he came over to me. "Don't go." 

He was so serious it made me wonder what was wrong. "Why? What's going
on?" I asked, my concern starting to mirror his. 

"Please, it's just..." Ben took a deep breath 'how do I say this without
her becoming upset?'  

Ben guided me to the sofa and sat down with me. "The last time you went
jogging, you passed out." 

Smiling in relief, I squeezed his hands. "That isn't going to happen
again. It was just too hot out, and I hadn't been running in a while." 

"It's more than that. Your body can't function properly without food. I am
asking you not to go." 

'Why does every conversation have to revolve around food?' I thought as I
pulled my hands away from him and folded my arms across my chest. 

"I just don't want anything to happen to you." He pleaded.  

"Look Ben, this is stupid. Nothing's going to happen. If you don't believe
me than come along." I stood again and placed my hands on my hips.  

"And if something does happen?" He asked, standing again also. 

I thought for a minute. "Then I'll go to a doctor. Deal?" 

"Agreed" he said readily and went to change. 

 

The pace I set was a leisurely one, and Dief more than once bounded ahead
and out of site. This was the first time that Ben had actually gone
jogging with me. He normally preferred to take Dief out for a long run,
sometimes outside of the city. The morning was already becoming muggy, and
I found myself tiring early. Looking over at Ben, he was keeping pace with
me perfectly, not going too fast or too slow. We were almost at the split
where I'd take the longer run down by the docks, but decided to cut across
the park instead. 

When I turned, I noticed that Ben wasn't directly beside me anymore.
Looking back, I stopped when I saw him standing at the split. He wasn't
even breathing hard! I felt like I was ready to die. 

"Why are you stopping?" I asked when I had caught my breath enough to
talk. 

"Dief went this way. Isn't this your normal route?" He asked. 

"I'm in the mood for a change. You coming?" I started to jog again, not
waiting to see if Ben was following or not. The last thing I was going to
tell him was that I felt right now I felt exhausted to the point that I
couldn't even imagine adding the extra mile to the run. 

Not long after, I could hear Ben approaching. 

"Analise stop." Ben placed a hand on my arm and I looked up at him. "Come
sit down." He looked serious as he led me over to a bench. My lips were
tingling, and privately, I was glad we stopped. I didn't know how much
farther I could have gone. 

"Why are we stopping?" I asked. 

He glanced at me, then looked down at the hands in his lap. "I'm hoping
that you will see reason and agree to go to the doctor before I have to
carry you out of the park." He spoke quietly and didn't make eye contact
with me. 

"I'm perfectly fine Ben. Maybe you're just afraid you'll lose the bet." I
knew I shouldn't be so stubborn, but pride has never been my strong suit.
I didn't want to admit was that I was wrong. 

"You can barely walk without staggering. You aren't well and we both know
it. Don't argue with me on this." He held my gaze now, and I knew he was
right. 

"Fine, whatever." I huffed and started walking back to the apartment.  

I heard Ben approach and he took hold of my arm to stop me. Without a
word, he pulled me into his embrace and held me close. I started to cry,
and Ben rubbed my back while whispering to me that everything would be all
right. 

"I don't want to go on like this" I whispered into his chest.  

"You don't have to." 

Taking in a shaky breath, I knew what I had to do. "Can we go home now?" I
asked. 

Ben led me to the street, while keeping one arm securely wrapped around my
waist. He was about to call a taxi, but I stopped him. I wanted to
remember our time together for as long as I could. What I was about to do,
wasn't going to be easy. 

 

************ 

I walked down the corridor nervously shifting the weight of my bag in my
hand, not looking forward to this. The dimly lit halls were empty and the
sounds of my heart beating loudly in my chest along with the echoes of the
heels of my shoes hitting the linoleum were the only indications that
anyone had ever been here. Approaching my goal, I took a deep breath as I
opened the door to the office. A friendly face greeted me from behind a
desk. 

"You must be Mrs. Fraser, my name's Joanne Thomas." She extended her hand
as she came around to my side of the desk, removing all barriers between
us. Shaking my hand she continued "I'm sure we can help you 'get back on
track' so to speak. Let me show you to your room and then I'll give you a
tour of the facilities." 

I nodded in compliance. She led me down another corridor and though there
was still no one around, the lights were brighter. As if reading my mind
she spoke. "Everyone is in group right now. We normally prefer new people
to get settled in before they are introduced to everyone. This will be
your room." 

She turned on the light and I looked around at the sterile conditions. The
small room held a bed and dresser, plus a lamp on a night stand. There
were two doors, I assumed one led to a closet and one to a bathroom. 

"When you're settled, come back to my office and I'll show you around." 

"Thank you" I said absentmindedly as she shut the door, leaving me to my
thoughts. Tentatively I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at my bag.
'This is only for a few days and I can leave anytime' I reminded myself.
Right now I was missing Ben more than I ever had and if I was honest with
myself, I would have to admit I was scared. 

Looking at my watch, I noticed it was only two in the afternoon. I thought
back to the events earlier today. As soon as the office opened this
morning, Ben placed a call to Dr. Gibbs who in turn called Dr. Arns. After
conferring with each other they decided it would be in my best interest to
go to a short term treatment clinic. I was more than prepared to get some
medical help, but this was not what I had in mind. I guess that deep down
I knew that this was a strong possibility, but now that I was faced with
reality I didn't want to go. I was ready to put up the fight from hell on
this, but Ben looked at me and I had never seen that expression on his
face. If I had to describe it, I'd say he looked like a man who was about
to drown.  

My arguments died in my throat as I stared into his haunted eyes, and Dr.
Arns somehow managed to use his 'pull' to get me into this place. I was
told that I was very lucky. Some people wait months for a bed. Somehow I
didn't feel lucky. The look on Ben's face as the cab pulled away from the
curb about killed me. 

He had wanted to go with me, but I wouldn't let him. I told him that this
was something I had to do on my own. Dr. Arns arranged for me to stay a
week, but looking around the room, I couldn't even imagine staying the
night. Not willing to unpack and accept things as they were, I placed my
bag in the closet and headed back down the hall. 

 

Joanne smiled at me when I entered the office. "Ready?"  

"Our facility really isn't that big compared to ones in the city" Joanne
said "but we have some beautiful gardens." She motioned out the windows as
she spoke. "Here everyone helps with all the chores. They change daily so
no one person gets stuck doing something they don't like. Altogether we
house 30 people here at any given time. There are fifteen bedrooms down
each hallway." 

Joanne opened the doors to reveal a big room "This is the common area, you
can watch television, play games, relax except during group times. Each
group has around six or seven people and they rotate during the day. After
dinner there is a shorter group session which everyone participates in.
Across the hall from us is the dining area. And we serve dinner at 5
sharp." 

By the time she finished giving me the run down I heard the sounds of
people approaching. "Right now we have free time until dinner. If you
would like you can walk the gardens, or socialize." 

I thanked her for her help and she left to talk to some of the people
filtering through the door. Not wanting to really talk to anyone right
now, I headed out to the gardens. 

***** 

Ben sat at Ray's desk, waiting for the Italian and looking as though he
lost his best friend. The normal bustle around him went unnoticed. 

"Benny what brings you down here?" Ray asked as he flopped down at his
desk and leaned back in the chair. The Italian seemed agitated. 

Ben studied the other man for a moment. "I thought I'd see if you needed
any help with the investigation. Is your eye still sore?" 

"Drop it." Ray replied in an even voice. 

"Understood." 

Changing the subject, Ray picked up a paper from his desk and passed it to
Ben. "We got an ID on the stiff. Her name was Virginia Henley. She was a
school teacher from the south side. Post mortem came back and it was just
like you said, she was strangled. I just don't get it, if these are the
same people who robbed the other boats, why kill her?" 

"Perhaps we should go over the files on the other cases, there may be a
clue." Ben suggested. 

Ray's mouth dropped open and he shook his head at the Mountie. "Hold up, I
have enough cases on my desk already, besides, the Lieutenant didn't tell
me to stick my nose into this." Ray was quick to interject. 

"Ray, we were the ones to find the boat and body. Certainly as officers of
the law it's our duty to pursue any and all leads." Ben gave him the best
'wide-eyed Mountie look' he could muster. 

Ray sighed in frustration, hating it when Ben did that to him. He looked
around the Bullpen. "Frannie!" 

She turned, an annoyed look on her face. "You bellowed?" 

 

"Yeah, I need you to pull the files on the other lake crimes." 

"Sorry bro, can't do." Frannie shifted her glasses slightly as she looked
at a paper in her hand. 

"Why not?" Ray wasn't in the mood to play games. 

"The lieutenant already asked for them. He's been in his office half the
day." She answered before turning back to her computer. 

Both men turned to stare at Welsh through the window and without speaking,
went over to knock on his door. 

"Enter" Welsh looked up briefly from the papers sprawled about his desk.
"Ah detective, I was just about to call you in here. What happened to your
eye?" 

Both men stood in front of his desk with Ben looking like he was standing
sentry outside the consulate. Although Ray was standing also in front of
the desk respectfully, he managed to look like he was at a Sunday picnic. 

Ray tried to hide his annoyance, but really, how many times did he have to
hear that today? "Nothing Sir. Are those the files for the lake crimes?"
Ray asked as he pointed to the organized mess on the desk redirecting the
conversation. 

"Yes. I've been trying to find a connection to the murder Saturday." Welsh
leaned back in his chair and removing his glasses, pinched the bridge of
his nose while closing his eyes. 

"Have you been able to find any connections?" Ben asked as he peered down
at the papers, while still seeming to be at attention. 

"Only that all the boats robbed were small, no more than two people per
boat and they were out in unpopulated sections of lake when it happened."
Welsh motioned for the men to freely look over the information and both
dug into the mess.  

 

After about two more hours, Ben flipped through the papers in his hand,
looked back at some others on the desk and then paused. 

"Hhmmm." Escaped absently from his lips. 

The other detectives stopped what they were doing and looked at him. 

"Got something Benny?" Ray asked. 

"I'm not quite certain if it means anything yet." He replied, not noticing
the looks of irritation spreading across their faces. 

"Constable, if I may say, every time you say 'you don't know if it means
something' it normally does. 

"It appears that out of the eight other crimes, five of the vessels
involved were rentals." 

Ray shook his head "We already went over that. The boats came from two
different places." 

Ben didn't seem to be listening as he studied the papers. "Do you have a
map of the marina?" He suddenly asked. 

Welsh dug through the piles and spread the map out on top of the mess. All
three men leaned over it as Ben studied the area. 

"Hhmmm" Ben absentmindedly said again. 

"Benny, if you say that one more time I won't be responsible for what
happens." 

"I'm sorry Ray." Ben shifted so the others could get a better view. "The
two boat rentals are located here and here." Ben took a highlighter and
marked the area. "The other three boats have docking slips here, here, and
here." 

All three men looked at the newly highlighted areas. "All are within sight
of the boat rental shacks." Welsh said out loud. 

Needing no further encouragement, Ben opened the door. "Francesca..." 

She looked up from her desk and smiled "yeah Frase'?" 

"Would you please look up who owns the Lighthouse and Fountain Falls boat
rentals?" 

She smiled broadly at him as she plucked a file from the huge pile on her
desk and brought it over to him. "I already have" 

Ben smiled as he took the folder, and Frannie came into the office. "Any
luck yet?" She asked. 

"Don't you have some work to do?" Ray snapped at his sister. 

"Grumpy!" She spat back at him. 

"Ms. Vecchio, please shut the door on your way out." Welsh said looking at
her directly. The last thing he needed was to deal with a squabble. 

Frannie rolled her eyes as she shut the door muttering something under her
breath. Once she was gone, Welsh turned to Ray. 

"Detective, is there a particular reason you are in a bad mood today?"	

"No sir." 

"Good. Because I'd hate to have to pull you from this case so you could
help Frannie with the filing." 

"That won't be necessary sir." 

"I'm glad to hear that." Welsh turned back to Ben who had been studying
the file. "Anything Constable?" 

"It appears that both companies are a subsidiary of a larger firm. Argo
Inc. They have an office in the Decatur building." 

"Where's Kowalski?" Welsh asked. 

"Day off sir." Ray reminded him. 

"All right, I want you two to go down there and do some digging. Don't
come back without something we can use." 

"Yes sir." 

"Understood." 

Welsh waited until he was alone to sit down at his desk again. Putting his
glasses back on, he started going through the files once more. 

 

Ray walked up to Frannie's desk just as she was handing something to Ben.
He intercepted it quickly "let's go." 

Frannie looked at the departing figure with more than a little annoyance.
"You're welcome". She called out. 

Ben furrowed his brow. "If I may ask, has something happened between the
two of you?" 

Sighing Frannie sat back in her chair. "Not really. Some people just can't
take a little joke." 

"A joke?" 

"Yeah, when he came home the other night with the shiner, I... Well, I
said something about him and Meg. How was I supposed to know she hit him!
I didn't even know he gave her a ride home." 

"The Inspector 'hit' Ray?" Ben knew she wouldn't resort to violence unless
absolutely necessary. What had Ray done to provoke her? 

"He didn't actually say she did, but he got all red faced when I brought
it up. I bet he made a move and she shot him down." She whispered
conspiratorially. 

"I don't think that he would...." Remembering that Ray was waiting for
him, Ben cut the conversation short. "Thank you kindly Francesca." 

"Anytime Frase'." 

 

********* 

 

I found a secluded spot in the gardens and sat in the shade of a weeping
willow tree. Thinking back over the past few weeks, I couldn't understand
how I ended up here. How could everyone think I had an eating disorder?
It's only been three weeks! 

Shaking my head I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them. I
remembered not feeling hungry at first... Then getting sick. I had been
doing well though, there was almost a week that I hadn't gotten ill, until
I ran into Ben at Dr. Gibbs' office. 

Leaning my head back against the tree, I closed my eyes and thought about
everything that had happened between him and I. Ever since we had
returned, I've been afraid to say or do anything that would upset him. He
would go through mood swings as different as night and day. 

I'll be the first to admit they were subtle, but they were there. We would
be sitting in the living room or lying in bed and Ben would start to
nuzzle my neck, or run his hand along my body. We would get far enough
along to where both of us would be breathing heavily, and then he would
pull away. I couldn't figure out what to make of it at first. Now it just
seems like the furthest he's willing to go is 'making out.' 

The fact that he would push me away was doing nothing for my appetite and
the more Ben tried to 'encourage' me to eat, the more I didn't want to.
Also why was I so tired lately? I hated not being able to do things I
normally would. All I ever seem to do anymore is sleep! More than
anything, I had to admit I was angry with myself for losing control. 

Laughing out loud at the absurdity of the situation, I couldn't believe
that I actually agreed to come here. Right now the only place I wanted to
be was at home with my babies and Ben. My thoughts took a dark turn
thinking back to yesterday in the park. I was going to leave him. Just for
a few days, but I wanted to get myself straightened out before going back
to Ben. I guess I wouldn't have been home anyway. Thinking forward my
stomach did a flip flop. there was too much that had to be done! We were
supposed to leave for Canada in nine days! How was this going to affect
our move? 

Not having any answers to my questions, I stood and started walking again.


 

I didn't know how long I wandered around the gardens that afternoon, but I
could tell from the position of the sun that it was late in the day. Not
wanting to be around people, and not feeling like eating, I found the
willow tree again and busied myself with watching the clouds drift across
the sky. 

"There you are!" 

Looking up I saw Joanne smiling down at me.  

"The gardens are so beautiful, I thought you may have lost track of time.
Dinner's ready." 

I peered up at her and shook my head "You don't leave anything to chance
do you? I'm not really hungry." 

"May I?" She motioned to the tree and I nodded. She sat down beside me and
didn't say anything for a few minutes. 

"You know, most people by the time they get here have admitted they have a
problem and want help." 

"I don't see how this place can help me. Just because I haven't been
hungry lately doesn't mean I have a problem." I said, trying to get her to
see my point of view. 

"I see." She said quietly. 

"What is that supposed to mean?" I demanded. God I hated it when people
say that! 

"Nothing, just that I understand," she remained calm which was getting my
ire up even more. 

"Don't tell me you understand! Now you sound like Ben. He doesn't
understand either!" 

"What doesn't he understand Analise?" She was looking at me patiently, as
if I was just going to go pouring my heart out to a total stranger. 

"Nothing. Forget I said anything." I quickly looked away and brought my
knees closer to my chest. 

"That won't help you." She said calmly. 

My curiosity got the better of me "What won't?"  

"Forgetting. You won't be able to forget." 

I looked at her and saw the truth reflected back at me. "How can I explain
it to you when I don't understand it myself?" I said quietly. 

She smiled back at me with total understanding. "That's why we're here. To
help you make sense of it all. Come on, Jen cooked tonight and she makes
the best roast you've ever tasted." 

Knowing I really had no choice, I stood and we started to walk towards the
center. My thoughts turned to Ben. 

"Is there a pay phone I can use? I promised my husband that I would call
him." I asked. 

Joanne looked at me and stopped walking. "I'm sorry I thought you knew. No
one is allowed to use the phone for their first week here. Too many
outside distractions. We feel people need a time to decompress. Forget all
the stress they have in their personal lives and focus all their attention
on themselves and their recovery. After you get settled in you will have
phone privileges." 

I stared at her slack jawed. I couldn't even call Ben? My voice was shaky
when I replied "But I'm only here for a week." 

"Most of our patients are here for the full thirty days. I'm sorry, but
that really is a rule we must adhere to." 

Tears stung my eyes and I looked away. She couldn't be serious could she?
I was vaguely aware when she took my arm and started to guide me back to
the building. When we were within view of the dining area, I could see a
lot of people laughing and talking. The last thing I wanted to do was join
them. 

"I'm sorry, but I can't stay here. Thank you for everything you've done.
I'm sure you have a great thing going on here, but I... I just can't." I
stuttered as I backed away from her. 

"Analise, think about what you're saying. Why did you come here to begin
with? You wanted help. You wanted to find answers to your questions. We
'can' help you if you let us." 

I covered my mouth with my hands and tried to control my emotions. What
was I supposed to do? More than anything I wanted to go home. When I
thought of the look of disappointment on Ben's face if I did ... 

"I can't go home." I whispered in disbelief. The realization of that
simple statement dumbfounded me, and I knew no matter what happened, I was
stuck here as surely as if there were bars on the windows and locks on the
doors. 

Joanne wrapped her arms around me and I let loose all my emotions. She
guided us over to a patio set and sat me down, still making sure she kept
her a comforting hand on my shoulder. 

When I felt as though I couldn't cry anymore, a tissue appeared in my line
of vision. "Thanks" I choked out. 

"That's what I'm here for." She smiled back. 

The sound of a door opening caught my attention and I saw a woman carrying
a tray towards us. 

"I thought the two of you might be hungry." She said as she placed the
tray on the table. 

There were two plates filled with mixed vegetables and pot roast, plus
bread, and two glasses of juice. 

"Thanks Jen. Analise, this is Jen. She's been here for three weeks now and
thanks to her cooking, we've all been well fed!" Joanne said and both
women shared a laugh. 

"Nice to meet you." I said and shook the hand she extended toward me. 

 

************ 

Ray was sitting impatiently in the Riv waiting for Ben.  

"It's about time" 

Ben ignored the comment as he climbed into the front seat. "If I may say
Ray, you seem to be rather irascible." 

Ray looked over at him as if Ben had just spoke Greek "What the hell is
that supposed to mean?" He asked impatiently. 

"Irritable." 

"Why didn't you just say so to begin with?"  

"I believe I did Ray." 

Ray stared out the windshield of the Riv. 

"Is something bothering you?" Ben asked wanting to help his friend. 

Ray sighed and ran a hand over his head "I don't know Benny." 

Ben studied his friend "There weren't any mishaps when you dropped off the
Inspector was there Ray?" 

Ben watched as Ray gripped the wheel tight "Did Frannie say something? Cuz
if she did I'll..." 

"She only mentioned that you may have taken offense to some comments she
made." 

"Yeah well..." Ray didn't finish his comment as he started the Riv and
pulled out of the parking lot. 

They drove in silence for a few minutes before Ray spoke again. "We got
something to eat." He didn't look at the Mountie as he spoke, but if he
had, he would have seen Ben's eyebrows raise in surprise as he looked over
at him. 

"You took her to dinner?" Ben asked not believing what he was hearing. 

"No! I mean... Not really. We were hungry and just stopped for take out." 

"Ahhh. I see." 

"What does that mean?" Ray's voice climbed slightly. 

"Nothing." Ben looked out the window again, wondering if he should comment
about Ray's driving skills. A quick glance at the cop told him now was not
a good time. 

"It isn't like we went out on a date or anything!" Ray seemed to be
assuring himself, rather than Ben. 

"Of course not. You simply drove to a restaurant, bought dinner, then
drove her home." 

"Exactly" Ray added with a smile that disappeared quickly. "No! It wasn't
like that."  

"Like what Ray?" Ben's face was expressionless. 

"Like that! You make it sound like a date. And it wasn't a date." 

"Understood." 

They drove in silence for a few minutes before Ben continued. "It isn't as
if you walked her to her door or anything." 

Ray visibly stiffened at the remark and Ben had to strain to hear his next
words. 

"I did." 

"Pardon me? I couldn't hear you." Ben leaned a little closer to his
friend. 

"I had to all right?" 

"What did you have to do?" 

"Walk her to her door." 

Ben turned away to stare out the window. He was trying hard not to show
amusement at his friends discomfort. 

Ray watched as Ben turned away from him, hoping he wasn't upset. Taking a
deep breath, he tried to explain "The food wasn't separated and she had to
divi it up so I could take the rest home." 

"So you went into her apartment." It was more of a statement than a
question. Ben didn't like where this conversation was going. She was his
commanding officer and as such, he was duty bound to protect her. Even
from his best friend. Was what Francesca said true? Did he make an
inappropriate move and she had to defend herself? 

"Yeah. She had to get some plates." Ray added. He seemed to be lost in
thought, reliving the night. 

"How was it?" Ben asked. 

"Ho..how was what?" Ray stammered. 

"The food." 

"I don't know." Ray pulled into an empty parking space in front of the
Decatur building and turned the engine off. He looked over at Ben. 

Ben rubbed his ear and squinted his eyes in concentration "I thought you
divided it up?" 

"I, well... I didn't take it with me."	

Ben was about to say something else, but Ray cut him off "Look, can we
just drop this? I want to get home sometime before dark." 

"Understood." Both men climbed out of the Riv and walked towards the
building. 

It only took a minute for Ben to realize that Ray wasn't beside him
anymore. He looked back to see the Italian visibly agitated. 

"Ray, are you all right?" Ben asked moving towards his friend again. 

"We kissed ok?" Ray blurted out. "the Dragon Lady and I kissed!" 

Ben stared at his friend, mouth hanging open. 

"You kissed her?" 

"We kissed each other!" Ray defended. 

"Is that when she hit you?" Ben asked, his voice even. 

"What do you take me for Benny? Geez! Do you think that I'd kiss someone
who doesn't want me to?" Ray couldn't believe what Ben was implying. 

"Of course not. I was simply curious--" 

Ray cut Ben off. "She hit me with the door, ok?"  

Ben thought about this for a minute. "Was this before or after the kiss." 

Ray couldn't quite meet Ben's eyes. "Before" he muttered. They started
moving towards the door again. 

Ben nodded as he took in the latest information. "Did she do it on
purpose?" 

"I'm still trying to figure that out." 

"Understood. Shall we?" He asked holding it open for his friend. 

************* 

Joanne smiled at me as we carried our dishes into the kitchen. A red
haired woman who was loading racks into the dishwasher stopped what she
was doing when she saw us. 

"Joanne! I made it up to six ounces today!" She beamed with pride as she
relayed her news. 

"That's great Dawn!" Joanne encouraged "I'd like you to meet Analise. It's
her first day." 

"Hi" I said and smiled at her. 

"Welcome to the mad house" she laughed. 

"Dawn! Now you know that's not true." Joanne joined in with the teasing.
"It's worse than that!" 

They both laughed and I shook my head. 

"Come on" Joanne said and motioned for me to follow her to a different
area of the kitchen. 

"We don't just throw food out, everything is weighed before and after we
eat. That way we can keep track of how far everyone progresses." 

There was a board on the wall with everyone's name listed. Two numbers
were listed beside the names and it was obviously before and after food
weight. 

"Don't you think that's a little extreme?" I asked. 

Joanne turned serious. "But necessary. If a resident doesn't progress, she
loses her right to be here. It doesn't happen often, but every once in a
while we have someone slip."  

I could tell she takes it very personally when that happens just by the
way she was describing it to me. 

"Also if it gets worse, medical intervention is sometimes necessary. We
have other rules here as well. For example, after meals for at least two
hours, you need a buddy to go to the bathroom." 

She caught my startled look and continued "some of the woman try to hide
the fact that they regurgitate their meals. With a buddy, it's less likely
to occur." 

"And if it does?" I asked. 

"If it happened on purpose, they are terminated from the program. So is
the buddy if she was aware of it." 

I let out a soft whistle. These people weren't kidding. 

Joanne nodded her head toward Dawn. "When she first came here, it was
directly from the hospital. She weighed only 92 pounds which is
horrendously low. For her to reach six ounces is a major accomplishment.
Progress has to be monitored carefully for the safety of the everyone. 

She proceeded to show me how to weigh the food and then we headed into the
common area. I was introduced to almost everyone else and after the flurry
of activity died down, found a chair in one of the quieter areas of the
room. 

Most of the people seemed nice, and I was shocked to see the physical
condition of some of the women! There were a few who looked like walking
skeletons. 

One woman imparticular continued to glare at me from the table. I tried to
ignore it and busied myself with watching television, but it soon became
apparent she wasn't going to let up. 

Out of my peripheral vision, I saw her stand and walk towards me. When she
was only a few feet away, I looked up at her. 

"May I help you?" I asked calmly. She looked like she wanted to fight. 

"You don't look like you need to be here." She said curtly. I had to admit
she was right. Compared to just about everyone, I was looking healthy. 

A few other women started gathering around. 

"Bonnie let it go." One said and tried to pull her away, she simply
shrugged off the arm. 

I stood and faced her, thinking of how this day just keeps getting worse. 

"Have I done something to offend you?" I asked calmly making direct eye
contact with her. 

"You took Maria's bed." She spat back at me. 

"I was unaware of that." I stood straight and tried to appear calm. My
heart was beating wildly though and my palms were starting to sweat. 

"It isn't her fault Bonnie." Someone spoke up "She knew she was going to
have to leave when the bed was needed." 

I recognized the speaker as Lucy. I had met her no more than a half hour
ago. 

"I'm sorry, I don't understand" I replied. I didn't want to be responsible
for anyone losing the help they needed. Especially if they needed it more
than myself. 

Bonnie gave me a sarcastic look to match her voice "She didn't have
insurance, it ran out. Joanne took her in anyway because there was an open
bed. Maria was doing real well until you showed up. Now she had no choice
but to go back to that jerk who caused her to be in here to begin with." 

"She knew she was going to have to go Bonnie. Don't take it out on her."
Lucy spoke again and motioned towards me. 

"I'm sorry." I said and meant it. I knew I shouldn't have come here, now
because I did, someone wasn't going to get the help they needed. 

"Sorry doesn't bring her back!" Bonnie hissed at me and took a step
closer. I braced myself for a fight, and the next thing I knew Jen had
stepped in between us. 

"That's enough. You know the rules Bonnie. Do you want to get kicked out
too?" Jen asked the distraut woman. 

Bonnie looked at Jen and then glared over at me. I didn't know what she
was planning on doing, but was very glad Jen stepped in. 

"You better watch your back" Bonnie said then turned to walk away. Quite a
few of the women followed her. 

After Jen was sure she wasn't going to cause any more trouble, she turned
to me. 

"She normally isn't like that. It was hard for her when Maria left this
morning, they had been close. I'm sure she'll calm down in a little
while." 

I looked over at Bonnie who was now sitting at the table again. "Thanks.
Am I the reason Maria had to leave?" I asked wanting to make sure. 

"It had nothing to do with you Analise. If you hadn't come, someone else
would have. Bonnie will get over it." 

I nodded and started to move towards the door. Jen put her hand on my arm
stopping me. 

"Where are you going?" She asked. 

"To my room." 

Shaking her head no, she spoke. "No one is allowed to leave the common
area after meals for at least two hours after dinner and one after
breakfast and lunch, unless you have a partner." 

"Rules." I said quietly. 

"You'll get used to them." She smiled. 

Dejected, I moved to go sit down again, but she stopped me. "Don't you
want to go to your room?" She asked. "You just said I couldn't without a
partner." I looked at her confused. 

"Unless there's someone else waiting in line, I'll go with you." She said,
her smile getting bigger. 

"I wouldn't want to put you out." I replied, trying to be polite. 

"Oh yeah, I have so much to do right now. I'll just try to squeeze you
in." She laughed and I couldn't help but join her. 

"All right then, thanks." 

We headed to the room, unaware of Bonnie watching us. 

 

************* 

Ray flung the door to the Decatur building open, almost hitting a man in
the process. He kept moving, unaware of his infraction. Ben smiled
apologetically at the man and made an excuse for his partner. 

Catching up with Ray, Ben spoke "You almost hit that man with the door
Ray." 

"Yeah, so?" Came the sarcastic reply. "He should have watched where he was
going. Next time I'll take him in for jaywalking." 

Ben cocked his head to the side. "I don't believe he was actually jay--" 

"I said he was." Ray glared at him, then kept walking. When Ray reached
the riv, he realized Ben wasn't beside him. He was still standing on the
sidewalk. 

Sighing, Ray went back over to him. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't take it
out on you, it's just I was sure we'd find out something here. It was
nothing but a dead end! The owner has got to be a hundred!" 

Ben looked down at the stetson in his hands for a minute, then placed it
firmly on his head. It was getting late, and it was obvious they weren't
going to get any more leads today. Normally, he wouldn't hesitate to
suggest going back to the marina to look around again, but Analise was
supposed to call. Although working with Ray had provided him with a
welcome distraction, he couldn't stop thinking about her all day.  

Ray also appeared to need a break. Ben didn't know what was bothering his
friend, but he knew Ray would tell him in his own time. 

"Let's start fresh tomorrow. I have the early shift so I'll come down to
the station afterwards." Ben spoke as he moved towards the Riv.  

"I'll drop you off at your place" Ray said as they climbed back into the
Riv. 

"If it's all the same Ray, I'd prefer to go to your house. The babies are
there." Ben looked down as he spoke and busied himself with playing with
his stetson. 

"What are they doing there?" Ray did a double take as his friend's body
language. Was something wrong with Analise? 

"Hey, is Analise ok?" 

Ben straightened "She's fine. She just...uh.." Taking a deep breath he
continued "we agreed it would be for the best if she checked herself into
a clinic." There. He finally said it. 

"Aw geez Benny I didn't know. When did she leave?" Ray asked, feeling like
a heel with all the rambling he'd been doing earlier.  

"This morning. She didn't want to go Ray." Ben said quietly. 

"She's strong. If anyone can turn this around she can." Ray assured him.  

When Ben still didn't say anything he continued. "Look, if you want, you
and the babies are welcome to stay over." Ray pulled out into traffic,
glancing at his friend out of the corner of his eye. He couldn't remember
when he saw Ben looking so forlorn. 

"No, thank you anyway. She promised she'd call tonight and I don't want to
miss it." 

Ray looked at his watch and went faster. When Ben gave him a questioning
glance, he shrugged. 

"I don't want you to miss the call." 

Ben smiled at his friend as they sped down Michigan Avenue. 

************** 

Jen looked around the room. "Didn't you bring anything with you?" She
asked.	

I smiled at her "I wasn't too sure about staying so I didn't want to
unpack yet." I said as I opened the closet door and brought out my bag. 

She laughed "I understand completely! When I first came here, I thought it
was going to be horrible!" 

"How long have you been here?" I asked. 

"Two weeks. I would probably be the last person to admit it, but this
place has really helped." She stopped and looked at me for a minute. "If
you don't mind my asking, why are you here?" 

I sat down on the bed beside her and let out a deep breath. "I don't
really know myself, Jen. I guess it all started a few weeks ago. My baby
was kidnapped by my husbands ex-girlfriend and the stress of everything
just got to me. At least that's what I think happened." 

"Oh! That had to have been horrible! Did you find her?" Jen asked, a look
of disbelief on her features. 

" Yes, my husband tracked her down."  

She looked confused, and I pulled out a picture of all of us from my bag.
"This is my husband Ben, he's a Mountie, and our babies Jacinda and
Robert." I supplied as I handed her the photo. 

"Wow! This is your husband?" 

I smiled at her and nodded. 

"Are they twins?" She asked. 

"Yep. They are not quite five months old." 

"You are so lucky." She whispered in awe. 

"I think so." I beamed with pride. 

"So what are you doing here?" 

My smile faded and I thought to all that had happened. "I don't know how
it all started, really I don't. All I really remember is that after she
kidnapped Robert, I shut down. It took days for Ben to find him... And
some things also happened to him when he was out there." 

"Out where?" 

"Canada." I knew she wouldn't understand if I started to describe the
tundra. 

She nodded and I continued. 

"When we were able to bring Robert home, Ben was still dealing with what
happened and I was trying to keep our family together. I had to be the
strong one." Laughing slightly I continued "I always thought that was
Ben's job." 

Jen placed her hand on my arm "Not everyone can be strong all the time."
She said quietly. 

"I know." Taking a deep breath I continued "anyway, before I knew what was
happening, I wasn't eating, and I was getting sick when I did try. Ben
kept trying to get me to eat, but that just made it worse." 

She nodded in agreement. "Most of the time forcing someone to do something
they don't want to, doesn't give the desired results." 

"Exactly. It got to the point where I was sleeping most of the time, and I
even...well, I passed out. Ben and I basically had a long talk and I
agreed to come here." 

"I bet that was an interesting conversation!" She laughed. 

"I was going to fight this tooth and nail, but one look at him and I
couldn't." I said, causing her to look back down at the photo still in her
hands. 

"I don't think I'd turn him down either!" She grinned at me. 

Shaking my head at her, I took the photo and placed it on the night stand
before unpacking the rest of my belongings. 

"You didn't pack much." She noticed. 

"I'm only here for a week. We are supposed to be moving next Wednesday to
Canada, but I don't know what's happening now!" My voice held an
exasperated tone. 

"No use worrying about that now." She said. 

I grew quiet and looked down at my hands.  

"What's the matter Analise?"  

"I promised Ben I would call tonight and I didn't know I wasn't going to
be able to." I perked up as an idea hit me "You don't suppose I could make
a quick call do you?" I asked. 

Jen's eyes grew wide. "Not a chance. The only phone access is in Joanne's
office. There is no way you're getting in there." 

"I suppose you're right." I said dejectedly. 

"Don't worry. I'm sure everything is all right at home." She reassured me.


"I know. I just wish I could be with them." My breasts were starting to
hurt and I rubbed them gently. 

The look of discomfort on my face must have been evident. 

"Is something wrong?" She asked. 

"I nurse. I guess I'm not used to going cold turkey. I did bring a pump
with me, but I hate to have to throw it out." I said. 

"I don't think you'll have to." She said smiling as she got up and went to
the door. Looking back at me she continued "Be right back." And with that
she disappeared. 

 

I didn't have to wait long before she came back and I was surprised to see
her lugging a small refrigerator. It couldn't have been more than a two by
two foot square, and I didn't even know they could make one that small. 

"Where did you get this?" I asked as I helped her put it on my dresser. 

"My room" 

My eyes grew wide and I stared at her.	

"Well, aren't you going to thank me?" She teased. 

"Thanks." I was dumbfounded. "You didn't have to do this, it's too much."
I protested. 

"Hey, I wasn't using it anyway. Some of the rooms have them. When you feel
like eating, they don't mind if you keep things in your room. It's the one
thing they don't measure around here." 

"Are you sure you don't mind?" I asked again. 

She leaned down to plug it in. "Hey, I'm a mom too. My kids are older
though, almost ten and twelve." 

"This really means a lot to me." I added and she smiled as she looked at
her watch.  

"Close enough, go ahead and do what you gotta do." She waved her hand in a
vague motion, then shut the door behind her. 

 

*************** 

Ben placed the carriers down and went back to shut the door. Looking
around the apartment, he could feel the difference. Knowing it was all in
his mind didn't help matters any. It was after seven and both babies were
asleep. He knew they wouldn't wake up until morning now, and took them
into the nursery. 

Coming back into the living room, Ben wandered aimlessly around before
settling on looking out the window. Dief whined and nudged his leg. 

"I miss her too Dief. She'll be calling soon." Ben glanced at his watch as
he spoke, hoping that he hadn't already missed it. 

Whining again, Dief trotted towards the kitchen. Ben looked down at the
wolf. "I'm sorry, I forgot all about dinner." He headed into the kitchen
to make something for the both of them. 

 

Ben stared into nothingness as he absentmindedly played with his food. She
was gone. He knew it was silly of him to be so emotional, but more than
anything he feared losing her. Ben wanted to wrap his arms around her and
protect her from the world. How did things get so out of hand between
them?  

Knowing he wasn't going to eat, Ben scraped his plate into Dief's bowl.
Looking around the room, he was reminded of all the memories they'd made
over the past year. His life had changed so much from the time he and Ray
walked into that bank to talk to a witness. Smiling at the memory, Ben had
thought Analise had been brave to stay in the bathroom, though she would
argue that point with him till this day. 

He moved to the book shelves and ran a finger over the carving he made her
for Christmas, a smile playing across his lips. When he first started it,
Ben wanted to make a reminder of their time together after the crash. It
also helped him take his mind off the fact that he was finding it
difficult to look at her in the evenings, and sleep beside her without
wanting more. During the day it wasn't as difficult since he normally took
the lead. 

Ben picked the carving up and wrapped it in newspaper, then placed it in a
box. He knew they didn't have much time left before the move, and didn't
want anything to come in the way of that. He started packing boxes of the
carefully chosen items they had agreed on. 

The hours passed slowly and Ben was surprised when he realized it was
after midnight. 'She didn't call.' An ache settled in his heart, but he
logically tried to reason that since he arrived home late, she must have
tried calling earlier.	

Ben berated himself for missing her call. He needed to hear she was all
right for himself. Turning out the lights, he checked on the babies before
heading into the bedroom. Ben stripped to his boxers and after hesitating
for a moment, lowered them to look at himself. He was healed. There were
only the barest discoloration's left from some of the deeper bite marks,
but for all intensive purposes, there was nothing preventing him from
performing. Ben covered himself again and Closing his eyes briefly, tried
not to dwell on what was stopping him. When he opened them, he saw
Analise's brush on top of the dresser and ran his fingers across it
reverently. Shaking himself, he was just about to get into bed when he
realized he didn't want to sleep there without her. He went to her side of
the bed and picked up her pillow, inhaled her scent. Making up his mind,
Ben tucked her pillow under his arm, took the blanket from the bed, and
then headed into the nursery to sleep by their children. 

 

********** 

 

Stan leaned back in his chair as he read the file in his hand. The
toothpick hanging from his mouth moving ever so slightly as he would
squint, trying to see better. 

"Why don't you just get contacts?" Ray asked as he sat down at the blond
man's desk.  

"Too much trouble." Stan replied as he leaned forward, his chair making a
thunk as the front two legs hit the floor. "Anything new?" He asked. 

Ray flopped more papers on the desk. "Only that most of the robberies
occurred during the week. Even that body we found had been out there for
at least two or three days. The rentals were also for a few days." 

"So that means whoever planned the robberies, knew there wouldn't be much
traffic on the lake, and no one would know something was wrong for a few
days." Stan surmised. 

"Giving whoever did it a chance to get away." Ray finished. 

They stared at each other for a minute then both broke out in a smile.
"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Stan asked him. 

"Stakeout." Ray replied with a smile. 

"Oh yeah." Stan agreed as both men went to Welsh's office. 

 

Ben looked around the Bullpen but didn't see any sign of anyone. Dief
whined and Ben looked down at him. 

"I don't know where they are Dief." He replied. Cocking his head, Ben
heard voices and followed them to Welsh's office. Looking through the
window, he noticed that most of the squad room was jammed inside. Ben
knocked once and Frannie opened the door for him, motioning for him to
come inside. 

"Come on Lieu, it's perfect. We can rent three boats, go out and wait.
They are bound to strike again." Ben heard Ray say as he eased into the
room, not wanting to interrupt what was obviously a heated conversation. 

Welsh shook his head. "The last time you went on a stakeout, my butt was
chewed the whole way from the Mayor's office down. Do you remember how
much damage you were responsible for?" Welsh looked over at Ben "and let's
not forget the Mountie's part in that escapade." 

Ben shifted slightly from foot to foot, trying to think of a justifiable
reason to give the Lieutenant on how a seemingly innocent stakeout turned
into a three precinct melee. Before he could answer, Stan spoke up. 

"What could happen this time? It's just three boats, two people in each
boat. They've gotta pick one of us, it can't miss." Stan leaned on Welsh's
desk as he spoke and after seeing the look from Welsh, jumped back up
quickly. "Sir." He added. 

The duck boys had been listening all this time and Jack spoke up. "We can
go out on the boats, Sir." 

Tom smiled at his partner "Yeah, show these bozo's how a bust should be." 

Ray walked over to Tom and got in his face. "Is that so?  

"Yeah, you got a problem with that?" Tom stepped even closer to Ray. 

Ben, sensing a need to intervene, stepped up to the two men. "Detective
Dewey, Ray, I'm sure both of you are more than capable of apprehending the
persons responsible. If I may suggest, why not have the two of you" he
motioned to Dewey and Huey, "take one boat, and Ray can take the other
with Stan." 

"Now we'll see who can get the job done." Ray said as he glared at Dewey. 

 

"Just hold on. I haven't approved anything yet!" Welsh boomed sending the
room in silence. After he was able to hear himself think for a few
minutes, Welsh looked up at the anxious faces around his desk. "We need
women." 

The guys glanced around at each other "Sir?" Stan looked at him
quizzically. 

"All the robberies had either women by themselves, or with one man. If we
send out boats with two men, the crooks aren't going to go within a
hundred feet of us." Welsh explained and everyone was silent as they
though of how to rectify that. 

"I'll go" Frannie spoke up for the first time. 

Everyone turned to look at her.  

"No. No way Frannie, you aren't getting anywhere near the boats." Ray
shook his head as he glared at his sister. Sure she was a pain, but he
didn't want to see anything happen to her. 

"Why not?" She asked, hurt in her voice. 

"You aren't trained for one, and two, Ma would kill both of us." Ray held
up his fingers as he spoke. 

Ben stepped closer to the upset woman. "I'm sure Ray is just looking out
for your best interests." 

"Well no one asked him to." She glared at her brother as she spoke. Then,
as a thought hit her, she smiled up at Ben. "Fraser, you're an open minded
person right?" She asked in her sweetest voice. 

Ben ran a finger across his eyebrow. "Well, I try to be, yes." 

"And you can see that with three boats, there really wouldn't be much
danger. I mean, it isn't as if they could hide around a corner, we'd see
them coming...." 

Ben shifted nervously as he chanced a quick glance at Ray. As suspected,
Ray was staring at him as if his life depended on his response to
Francesca. 

"In theory, I suppose that would be correct." He finally conceded. 

"So basically, it's safe, right?" Frannie was ready to drive the nail
home. 

"Well... I wouldn't say it's entirely without risk." Ben paused and
cleared his throat. "But I would assume if the boat you were on was
picked, the other two boats could intervene before something happened." 

Frannie smiled triumphantly. 

"No! You are still not going Frannie." Ray was adamant which caused
Frannie to become defensive. 

"Oh please! Fraser said there wouldn't be any danger Ray. Stop being a
spoiled sport." 

Ray looked over at Ben, giving him his best 'you'll pay for this look'.
"So Benny, it's safe for Frannie to go out there as bait for murders?"
Ray's voice was deceptively calm. 

Everyone in the room hadn't spoke while the exchange was going on. They
learned a long time ago to stay out of squabbles involving the Vecchio's. 

"There would be other officers in the vicinity Ray. I believe that the
risk of Francesca getting hurt would be at a minimum." Ben grew more
confident in his assumption. 

Ray smiled at him. "Then you wouldn't mind if Analise goes in another boat
then?" He knew he had the Mountie now. 

Ben's mouth dropped open and his color faded slightly. He knew he would do
everything in his power to prevent Analise from going. Realizing everyone
was waiting for an answer, Ben took a deep breath.  

"Analise isn't here Ray." He managed to say, then cleared his throat. 

"I know that Benny. If she were though, would you mind if she went along?"
Ray could barely contain the exhilaration of triumph coursing through him.
Both men knew the answer to his question, and Ray was going to have him
say it. 

Ben looked as if he was caught in the high beams of a car's headlights. He
was a Mountie, and Mounties never lied. Not wanting to admit he wasn't as
open minded on the subject as he thought, Ben found the only suitable
answer. 

Looking at Frannie he said "I believe Ray has a point Francesca, it's far
to dangerous for you to go on the boats." 

Ray beamed a smile that took up his whole face, while everyone in the room
either shook their heads slightly, or chuckled softly. Everyone but
Frannie that is. She glared at the Mountie with a promise of pain. 

"Fine, be that way. When your little stake-in doesn't go the way you want
it to, don't come running to me because I'm not gonna throw you any life
savers!" She huffed then stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind
her. 

"Touchy." Stan commented to the agreement of the others before they turned
their attention back to planning the bust. 

 

********** 

 

Looking at the picture I brought, I softly traced the contours of Ben's
face, then hugged it to my chest. Closing my eyes, I thought back to last
night. I had hoped it would be of some comfort, so I packed Ben's red
flannel shirt and slept in it, drawing comfort from his scent. Knowing it
wasn't going to do me any good to sit and feel sorry for myself, I placed
the picture back on the night stand, and stifled a yawn. It had taken me
half the night to fall asleep, and then I woke up constantly until dawn.
Briefly, I wondered if Ben had any trouble sleeping last night. 

After making the bed, I went over to the dresser to pull my hair into a
ponytail when I was interrupted by a knock at the door. I looked over in
time to see Jen stick her head in. 

She was smiling broadly "Hey, You're up!" 

Jen came in the rest of the way then and shut the door. "How did you
sleep?" 

I rolled my eyes at her. "Terrible. I thought I'd never drift off." I
replied. 

"You'll get used to it." Jen sat on the edge of the bed as I finished
tying off my hair. Leaning against the dresser, I faced her. 

"So what's the plan for today, *buddy*? I asked trying to look at this in
a positive way. 

Jen looked down at her watch "Well, in about five minutes it's breakfast,
then the first group session starts at nine. Sometime in the morning
you'll be called in for a one on one session." 

"With Joanne?" I asked. 

"It all depends. There are five doctors altogether. After group, we have
different classes." 

"Classes?" 

"Yeah, like how to prepare healthy foods, stress management, things like
that." 

"Oh joy" I said a little too sarcastically, causing Jen to laugh. 

"It isn't that bad!" She said as she stood and took my arm. "Come on, you
don't want to be late for breakfast, they'll send out a search party." 

We both laughed as we headed down the hall. 

Mostly everyone was already in line when we arrived, and Jen and I took
our places on the end. I busied myself with trying to match some of the
faces to the names I learned yesterday, and was surprised at how many I
did remember. 

The line moved considerably fast, and before I knew it, I was presented
with quite a few options. I chose a cup of oatmeal, a banana, and a slice
of toast. Along with that, I took a small glass of orange juice and one of
milk. 

Jen grinned as she looked at my choices. 

"What?" I asked, smiling back. 

"You actually *eat* that stuff?" She asked. 

I looked at her tray "Its a lot better than that." 

Jen looked down at her fried eggs, with bacon. The only thing healthy she
chose was the orange juice. "And what's wrong with this?" She asked good
naturedly. 

"Nothing, as long as your goal is to clog your arteries." 

The line moved and she nudged me towards the scales. "Well, it hasn't
killed me yet!" She laughed. 

Moving on to safer subjects, we ate breakfast, then went into the common
area for our obligatory hour of monitoring. 

 

888888888888888888888888888888888888 

 

Later that afternoon, I walked the gardens trying to find some solitude.
It was unnerving being watched so closely. Thinking back to this morning,
I was more than a little dismayed to find Bonnie in my group sessions. She
was doing her best to make me feel unwelcome without crossing the line. 

Looking up at the sky, I sighed and wrapped my arms around myself. The day
was overcast and it left me feeling oddly empty. I would kill to have the
sun beat down on me right now. There was only about a half hour of free
time left before I had to go back, so I headed towards the willow tree. 

A rustling from behind caught my attention, but when I looked, I couldn't
see anything. Perhaps someone else wanted some privacy too. After a few
minutes of scanning the area, I continued on. No sooner had I sat at the
base of the tree, did I hear another noise, and this time it resolved
itself into Bonnie. She was walking towards me with a purposeful stride,
and I groaned as I stood to face her. 

"You're in my spot." Bonnie's stance was rigid as she spoke and I folded
my arms across my chest trying to decide whether or not to argue. This was
one person who really needed to pay more attention in that anger
management class they had us sit through. 

"Then by all means" I said gesturing towards the tree as I moved past her.


Bonnie grabbed my arm and spun me around. "You think you're something
special, don't you?" 

I snatched my arm from her "Look, I haven't done anything to you, so
what's your problem?" 

"You are! You waltz in here like you own the place, acting all prim and
proper. I bet you haven't had to work for anything a day in your life. You
and your perfect little family. With the 'oh so cute' husband." She spat
out. 

"You know nothing about my life, so back off! If you've got a problem,
then deal with it." I shot back and shaking my head, walked away from her.


I certainly didn't see how being here and having to deal with her was
going to help me, except perhaps by testing my tolerance level. 

 I was lost in thought as I walked back to the building. I saw Lucy up
ahead on the path and was going to say hello but she ducked down a side
path by the time I reached where she had been. Continuing on to the
building, I sought out Joanne to tell her I was leaving. 

I looked around the common room, but it was almost empty. Where was
everyone? Walking into the hall, I spied Dawn. 

"Hi Dawn, do you know where everyone is?"  

"Oh hi." She was trying to open a door while balancing a box, so she
hadn't seen me approach. She looked as if she was trying to remember my
name, so I helped her out. 

"Analise." I offered. 

She smiled at me "That's right, sorry." 

"No problem." I opened the door and held it for her while she stored the
box on one of the shelves in the closet. 

"It's chore time. Everyone's off doing whatever they're assigned." 

"Do you know where Joanne is?" I asked, thinking it best to get this over
with now. 

"She should be in her office." 

"Thanks" 

I headed towards her office, but felt something...odd and went to my room
to use the bathroom instead. 

 

"Great....just great" I muttered as I washed my hands and splashed water
on my face. Why did it have to happen now? It's been almost 14 months
since I had gotten my period! 

I flopped down on the bed and stretched out, resting my head on my arms.
Staring to my right lost in thought, I slowly realized that something was
different. I looked at the night stand, taking in the alarm clock, and the
pamphlets I received yesterday... my picture! 

Jumping up, I searched the floor by the dresser then under the bed. I
tried to quell my panic as I went to the dresser and looked in the
drawers. 'Think girl!' I told myself and sat on the edge of the bed as I
retraced my steps today. 

I was certain it was here when I left the room this morning. Someone had
to have taken it. Who would do that? Only one person came to mind and I
stormed out the room. 

I had to ask two people before finding Jen, and when I did, took quite a
few deep breaths before speaking. 

"Analise, what's wrong? You look upset." She put her hand on my arm as she
spoke. 

"Did you mention Ben to anyone?" 

A confused look played across her features. "What?" 

"My husband. You saw him in the photo. Did you say anything about his
looks? That he was cute?" 

"No offense, but it wasn't exactly newsworthy information." 

"So you didn't say anything to anyone?" I had to make sure. 

"No. What's going on?" She asked. 

"My picture is gone, and I think I know who took it." 

Bonnie picked that moment to come in from the gardens and I stormed
towards her, vaguely aware of Jen following me. 

"Where is it?" I demanded, getting up in her face. 

She put her hand on her hip and I had to summon every once of control I
possessed, to keep myself from beating her to a pulp. 

"Are you crazy or something? Get out of my face before I move you." 

"Not until you tell me where it is." I said evenly. 

She outright smiled at me and if Jen hadn't held back the arm I started to
raise, my hand would have connected with her face. Jen must have decided
now was a good time to intervene. 

"Bonnie, if you're caught stealing, you'll be kicked out." Jen warned. 

"I didn't take her stupid picture. Now you had better step down." She
finished the last part by looking at me directly. 

"If you didn't take it, then how did you know my picture was missing?" I
asked. 

A look of dawning flashed across Jen's face as she realized Bonnie just
gave herself away. 

"Ladies, is there a problem?" 

We looked over to see Joanne standing in the doorway. "You're late for
group." 

Glaring at Bonnie, I was satisfied to see the look of panic on her face.
Not that I would readily admit that to anyone. 

"Sorry Joanne." Jen said as she hurried to the door. It was obvious this
was a decision I was going to have to make on my own. 

I looked back over at Bonnie, and she actually looked frightened. Was a
photograph worth her losing the help she needed? 

Joanne walked towards us, assessing the situation. She favored Bonnie with
a stern look. "You're already on probation. One more mishap and I'll have
no choice but to terminate you." 

I thought of what Ben would do and sighed. He really was a bad influence
on me when I thought about it. 

"I'm sorry Joanne, I was just asking Bonnie something. I didn't realize
how late it was." I said and swallowed hard. Both women stared at me.
Bonnie was slack jawed and Joanne looked between the both of us for a
minute. 

"Is that true" Joanne looked at Bonnie as she spoke. 

"Yeah... She just wanted me to help her find something." 

"I see." 

We stood looking at each other for a few minutes, wondering if Joanne was
going to buy it. Joanne finally spoke up and both Bonnie and myself
jumped. 

"Group?" 

"Right" I said as we headed for the door. 

"Analise" Joanne called as I neared the door. "I'd like to speak with you
a moment." 

Bonnie looked at both of us, then left the room. I waited as she came up
to me. 

"Dawn said you were looking for me earlier." 

I didn't know what to say now. I really did want to find my picture before
I left here, and perhaps this would finally put Bonnie in her place. 

"Yeah I was..." I looked down as I spoke and shuffled my feet slightly.
What could I say? "I...uh don't remember anymore." 

"Are you sure?" She asked, looking at me closely. 

"Positive." 

"I have been hearing things from some of the ladies about the way Bonnie
has been treating you." 

"I's nothing I can't deal with." I replied. 

"None of our residents should have to 'deal' with being harassed. If
that's what's happening, I expect to be informed. Are we clear on this?"
Joanne's tone was no nonsense. 

"Crystal." I forced myself to give her a small smile. 

"Good, now let's get to group." She said and we headed out. 

 

**************** 

 

Stan glanced surreptitiously at Ben. He was quiet as usual, but something
was definitely bothering the man and Stan had a feeling he knew what it
was. Ever since he and Analise had first gotten together, the only time
his friend seemed to close in on himself was when circumstances prevented
him from being with her. What Ben needed was a distraction, and Stan knew
just the thing. 

"Hey ya know tonight I was thinking of ordering some pizza and watching
the game on TV. Interested?" Stan asked. He had volunteered to drive Ben
over to the Vecchio's so he could pick up the babies. 

Ben stirred and shook his head slightly. "I want to be home in case
Analise calls." He said quietly. 

"Have you heard from her yet?" Stan asked, thinking this had a lot to do
with his friends behavior. 

"No." Ben's answer was barely a whisper, but Stan heard it. 

Nodding to himself, he looked back over at Ben. "Ok then. We'll do it at
your place.  

"I really don't think tonight would be good Stan, I don't believe I'll
make a good host." Ben wanted to be honest with him. 

"Who said you have to host anything? Just a couple of friends watching the
game." 

"Very well" he conceded, knowing it was useless to argue with the man. Who
knows? It might just take his mind off of Analise.  

 

By the time six o'clock rolled around, they had two babies, a couple of
pizza's, some beer and a very anxious wolf being unloaded from the GTO 

"Hey, keep your paws off my pizza." Stan yelled at the wolf, as he
balanced the food and drink. Sensing the man was close to dropping
something from the juggling he was doing, the wolf wasn't going to pass up
a good opportunity. 

Ben was softly talking to the babies as he took them from the car, noting
they seemed fussier than usual. Making their way up to the apartment, both
men were surprised to see a bag sitting in front of the apartment door,
and a lone figure of a woman at the end of the hall staring out the
window. 

She turned upon hearing the men approach, and once they saw her, they
stopped dead in their tracks. Ben was the first to recover from the slight
shock. 

"Maggie?" He said as a smile slowly lit his features. "What are you doing
here?" 

She walked towards them. "Can I help it if I missed my favorite niece and
nephew?" She smiled at Fraser as she wrapped her arms around his waist to
give him a hug, and a kiss on the cheek. 

"Only your niece and nephew?" Ben asked her teasingly. 

"Ok, ok. I guess I missed you too." Maggie added to her brother's delight.


Stan cleared his throat. "Did you miss me too?" He asked, almost shyly.  

Maggie turned her attention to the handsome man. "Yes Detective, if I
think about it, I suppose I did miss you...*slightly*." 

"Oh...well, that's good." 

Stan blushed as Maggie reached over and despite the food in the way,
managed to kiss him fully on the lips. Ben turned his head as he busied
himself with unlocking the door. The kiss would have been longer, but Dief
jumped up on her, effectively turning her attention to him. 

Maggie laughed as she scratched him behind the ears. "I missed you too
Dief." 

Dief barked and trotted into the apartment.  

"Need some help?" Maggie asked Stan, as she took the beer and chips from
him. 

"Thanks."  

They headed into the kitchen to unload the food, and Maggie looked around
the apartment. "It looks like they've been busy packing." She mused. 

"Yeah, I think the stuff is being shipped out on Thursday. As least, I
think that's what Fraser said." Stan picked up a piece of pizza and took a
big bite, then dug out a bowl, holding the pizza between his teeth as he
poured the chips into the bowl. Hearing Maggie laugh, he turned to look at
her, unaware of how he looked with the pizza hanging out of his mouth. 

Maggie shook her head and took the pizza from him, then picked up a napkin
and gently wiped some sauce from the side of his lips. 

"Are you always this helpless Detective?" She asked, her voice barely more
than a whisper. 

"It all depends on who's volunteering to help." He came back.  

The pizza forgotten, Maggie leaned over and wrapped her arms around Stan's
neck. 

"What if I am?" She asked, their face only millimeters apart. 

Stan paused for a moment as he looked into her eyes. A slow smile forming
on his face. "Helpless as a baby." 

He closed the distance between them and gently brushed his lips against
hers, his heart rate soaring out of control. This felt so right, he didn't
want it to end, but they both knew Ben would be coming back soon. 

Maggie smiled as she moved out of his embrace, her face was flushed and
she took a moment to compose herself. Pushing her hair back with her
hands, she took in a shaky breath before speaking. 

"We should...." Her sentence trailed off as she looked into his eyes. 

"Yeah..." Stan added as he looked at her. Finally, he was able to tear his
eyes away and picked up the pizza box, while Maggie took the bowl of
chips. They moved into the living room and Stan turned on the game, trying
not to focus on how close they were to each other on the couch. 

 

Ben took both babies out of their carriers and sat down in the rocking
chair with them. Although they were tired, they had been fed and changed,
and Ben couldn't think of any reason they should be fussing. Except for
one.  

Just like him, they missed Analise. Ben cuddled them closer, as they
rested on his shoulders. The rocking motion was soothing to all of them. 

'Why hasn't she called?' Ben thought to himself. Certainly she should have
had some free time by now. Didn't she want to speak with him? He thought
back to the past week, trying to think if there was anything he did to
warrant her being upset with him. The only big area of disagreement they
had, was her going to the clinic to begin with. Perhaps she was upset that
he insisted she go. 

Robert started crying, and Ben stood, placing Jacinda in her carrier as he
walked around the room with him. 

"Sshhh, it's all right. Daddy's here." He cooed, bouncing him slightly in
a calming rhythm. Nothing he did seemed to be helping, and Ben found
himself wanting to break down from all the stress he'd been under lately.
Taking a deep breath, he fought his emotions back down and doubled his
efforts to calm his son. 

Ben thought of Maggie to purposely try and take his mind off of
everything. It was really good to see her again, and he was glad she
decided to come early. 

Knowing the babies weren't going to cooperate, Ben took them back out in
the living room. 

 

The game was on and both Maggie and Stan were sitting on the couch when he
came in. Upon seeing Fraser, Maggie went over and took one of the babies
from him. She looked at him sadly. 

"Stan told me about Analise. I'm sorry Ben." 

He gave her a small smile. "She just needed some extra help getting
through everything. Analise will be home on Monday..." Ben said then
stopped, lost in thought. 

Maggie knew her brother too well "But?" 

"I miss her." When Ben looked up at her, Maggie's heart went out to him.
She had never seen him look more vulnerable than he did right now. 

"I know. Both of you are strong though, you'll get through this with
flying colors." She assured him. 

Ben nodded and headed over to the sofa.  

"There you are, the games already started." Stan said as Ben sat down
beside him. Maggie sat on his other side. "You hungry?" 

"I'll eat after the babies settle down some." Ben replied as he looked at
Dief eyeing the pizza box as if it were moving prey. "Dief, no." 

The wolf looked over at Ben and whined, then curled into a ball to lie
down. 

******* 

The rest of the evening went fairly slow for Ben. He held and rocked his
babies long after they had fallen asleep, drawing comfort from them. It
wasn't until Maggie insisted he put them to bed and get some rest, that he
finally let go. 

Ben then busied himself with packing after Stan left and Maggie was in the
shower. He wanted to get their lives back to normal as quickly as
possible, and moving home was a big part of that. His mind wandered and
Ben thought of how juvenile his behavior had been lately. It really wasn't
like him to sulk about, and he knew a big cause of his moping was worry
for Analise. It had been two days so far, and no word. Knowing he had to
reassure himself she was all right, Ben decided to call the clinic
tomorrow and talk to her. 

**************** 

Maggie strode into the Bullpen, greeting the friendly faces she
remembered. Looking around, she spied her brother and Stan talking to Ray.
Wanting to surprise Ben, she sneaked up behind him, placing a finger to
her lips as a warning for the other two men not to say anything. 

Maggie wrapped her hands around Ben's eyes. "Guess who?"  

Ben straightened as a smile crossed his features. He turned around and
looked at his sister. "Maggie, what are you doing here?" 

"I took the babies over to Ma's, and decided to come and help with the
case." She looked over at Ray then "Hi Ray, it's good to see you again." 

"I didn't know you were in town, when did you get here?" Ray asked as he
went over to give her a hug.  

"I just arrived last night to spend some time with Ben, and here he is
traipsing off again." She gave Ben a knowing look that wasn't lost on her
brother. 

"Maggie, although we appreciate your willingness to help, it is...." Ben's
voice trailed off. If he told her it was too dangerous, she would go out
of her way to prove she could handle any situation. "It is your vacation.
And I'm sure you don't want to spend it handling police matters." 

Maggie studied her brother hard for a minute. "Nice try Benton, but you
aren't getting rid of me that easily." She looked over at Stan then,
eyebrows raised as if to ask if he had a problem with her being there.	

 

Although Ben and Maggie were siblings and acted a lot alike, Stan had
found she was more vocal and forceful in getting what she wanted. He
should have known she would involve herself in the case when he was
telling her about it last night, but as usual, he didn't think far enough
ahead. 

"So Stan, you don't have any problem with my helping out, do you?" She
asked, giving him one of her brilliant smiles. 

"Who me? No." He replied, feeling the heat rise to his face. He wondered
if she had any idea what it did to him when she smiles like that. 

Ray laughed at the interplay, catching everyone's attention. "Now that
that's settled, how about we catch some bad guys?" 

A female voice chimed in from behind them "I couldn't agree more
Detective." Everyone turned to see Meg standing a few feet away. "It's
good to see you again Constable." She added to Maggie. 

"Likewise Sir." 

Ray visibly paled, and forced himself to breath normally. What was she
doing here? Turning to face her, he hoped he was doing a fairly good job
of hiding his nervousness. 

"Sir, if I may say, it sounds as if you are volunteering to help with the
investigation." Ben spoke. 

"That is correct Constable. I was there when the body was found and I feel
a personal obligation to see the whoever is responsible apprehended." 

"Understood." Ben knew he wasn't in any position to argue the point with
her, she was after all his superior officer. It did give him more to worry
about though. 

They all hovered around the desk, planning the next step and Welsh soon
joined in, adding some plans of his own. 

 

Four hours later, three cops and three mounties stood on the docks going
over last minute details. 

"Listen up." Welsh waited for everyone to get situated "Shaw and Moran
have already rented a boat from the Fountain Falls rentals. They have
their wires in place, and should be heading out soon. I'll be with
Constable Fraser in my Cousins boat, and the rest of you are split into
two teams." 

Ray looked highly uncomfortable, while Stan grinned from ear to ear. "Sir,
who's with who?" Ray asked, silently sending up a prayer he wouldn't get
stuck with Thatcher. 

Welsh shrugged, "That's up to the four of you Detective. I suggest you
decide soon. Everyone's wire in place?" 

They all did one last check to confirm everything was working properly,
and Ben leaned over to his sister to whisper in her ear. "Be careful" 

"Understood" came her reply, though her eyes held a glint of humor. 

Welsh motioned for Ben to follow him, and cast one last glance at the four
unlikely partners before following. 

********** 

Meg looked around and sighed inwardly. She wasn't being presented with
much of a choice for a partner. She had hoped to be paired with Fraser,
but it had been decided early on he would stay in the background. All the
victims had appeared to be easy targets, and Ben just didn't fit that
persona. 

Everyone else seemed to be having the same dilemma as herself. Who to go
with? When Stan spoke up.  

"Uh...Maggie, maybe it would be better if you came with me." He looked
down as he spoke, not wanting to meet her eyes. If something were to
happen though, Stan wanted to be able to protect her. If she was on
another boat, he might not get there in time. 

Both Ray and Meg spoke up then. 

"No!" They said at the same time, then looked at each other before tearing
their eyes away. 

"If you prefer I go with Ray, that's fine." Maggie said, not wanting to
cause any problems. 

"No!" This time it was Stan who spoke up. "Look, this is stupid. You two
look like you're a married couple, so you should go together." He said,
trying to find any reason what so ever to keep Maggie with him. 

Meg's mouth dropped open and she glared at Stan "Now just a minute
Kowalski, I am...." 

"Enough!" Everyone stopped and looked at each other. The voice that boomed
through all their ear pieces belonged to Welsh, and by the tone in his
voice, they knew he wasn't happy. "Vecchio, you go with Inspector
Thatcher, and Kowalski, you're with Mackenzie. Anyone got a problem with
that?" 

No's were mumbled from the group, and Stan beamed while placing his hand
in the small of Maggie's back. "Come along, *honey*, we got a boat to
catch."  

Maggie took one last look at Meg and Ray before heading off with Stan. 

 

"Well, I guess we should get going...." Meg said and picked up her bag.
Ray reached down to take it from her, but she snatched it back. "I am
perfectly capable of carrying my own luggage, Detective." She replied
icily. How on earth did she ever get stuck with him? 

Ray sighed and rolled his eyes before picking up his own bag and heading
out. 

 

Meg approached the Lighthouse Boat rental office with a forced smile on
her face. A man, probably no more than twenty, she surmised, turned to
offer his assistance. She took in his grungy appearance. Jeans with tears
in the knees, a tank top that had seen better days and a pair of old
canvas sneakers on his feet. He also looked as if he hadn't shaved in days
and his hair was unkept. 

She heard Ray come up beside her and groaned inwardly. 

"We would like to rent a boat. For a few days" she added hautly  

"Do you have a reservation?" The kid asked, and Meg almost burst out
laughing. He was asking her if they had a *reservation*? Ray, sensing her
response, spoke up. 

"We didn't know we needed one." He motioned for the kid to come closer
"See, it's our honeymoon, the plans I had made fell through and I really
didn't want to disappoint the little lady." Ray gave him his best smile as
he spoke, and slipped him a twenty. 

The kid looked at Thatcher, back to Ray, and finally down at the money.
"You know, with that Rolex you got on, I bet you could afford a lot more
than this." He moved the money in his hand as he spoke and Ray sighed.
Welsh had approved for them to get some 'merchandise' out of the evidence
locker to make them look like expensive targets, but if he'd known it was
going to cost him money... 

Ray handed another thirty to the kid, and watched as he reached behind him
on the peg board for a key. 

"Come on." He said and they followed him out of the office. "Now I know it
aint much, but it's all we got in right now." He said as he lead them down
to the docks. 

Meg stopped in her tracks when it became apparent which boat she was
expected to go on. 

Ray was also looking at it, and briefly wondered if it was even sea
worthy. "This is the best fifty bucks is getting me?!" 

"Like I said, it's all we got. Do you want it or not?" The kid replied
impatiently. Both Meg and Ray heard a voice through the headset. "Take it
Detective." Ordered Welsh. 

"We'll take it." Ray grumbled. 

"It's two hundred dollars for three days. That doesn't include fuel or
extras. You do know how to pilot a boat don't you?" The kid asked eyeing
Ray sharply. 

"Yeah I know how!" Came Ray's terse reply. He handed over the money and
the kid smiled, handing him the key. 

"Enjoy your honeymoon" he quipped as he headed back to the office. 

Meg and Ray looked back at the boat. They certainly couldn't be expected
to stay on that thing for the next few days, could they? Knowing they
didn't have all day, Ray headed towards it, with Meg reluctantly
following. 

The boat wasn't big enough for three people They could tell it had a
downstairs, but when Meg went to explore, it had only a small bedroom with
a double bed, a closet which housed only a toilet and sink, and the
'kitchen' was nothing more than a small sink, fridge, and two burner stove
along one wall of the hallway. 

"I am not staying on this boat!" Meg snapped to no one imparticular and
went back up on deck. Ray had managed to get the boat started and was
untying it from the dock. 

"What are you doing?" She asked, looking down at the bent form. Ray looked
up at her. 

"I'm untying the boat, what does it look like?" 

"I can not stay on this contraption for the next few days. It isn't
happening." She folded her arms and glared at him. Another voice filtered
through the headset. 

"Inspector, Ray, please think of the reason we're doing this. Innocent
people are being attacked, robbed, and even murdered. Certainly your
accommodations aren't so uncomfortable you would lose a chance to
apprehend these criminals." 

"Shut up Fraser." Both Meg and Ray said at the same time, and were glad
silence followed. 

Meg sighed and reached over to loosen the last rope. 

"I take it this means you're still going?" Ray asked. 

"Just get moving before I change my mind." She snapped, then went back
below deck. 

Ray didn't know whether to drop to his knees and give thanks, or to curse
the fates that put him in this situation. Figuring only time would tell,
he went to the helm and pulled out. 

************ 

I loaded the rest of the dishes into the washer and leaned back against
the counter to wait for it to finish. Apparently this was one of the less
favored jobs, and the newbie's first one. I didn't really mind it though,
now if I had to do them by hand... That would be a different story. 

The door to the kitchen opened, and I tensed when I saw Bonnie standing
there. 

"Can I come in?" She looked hesitant, and I nodded. Since when does she
ask me anything? 

When she was close enough, she reached under her shirt and pulled out my
picture. "Here, this makes us even." She said handing it to me. 

I looked down at it and traced the frame before hugging it to me.
"Thanks." 

She turned to go, but didn't take more than three steps before turning
back. "Nothing's changed you know. Just because you didn't turn me in
doesn't mean anything to me." 

"I know." I replied quietly.  

"You should have turned me in when you had the chance." Bonnie said in a
harsh voice. I didn't reply and the silence was deafening. After a minute
she spoke again. "Why didn't you? Just what do you expect from me anyway?"
She asked. Her voice held an edge, and I could tell she wasn't used to
people going out of their way for her. 

"I don't expect anything from you Bonnie. I never have. I did what I did,
because I expected more from myself." I replied holding her gaze. 

"Well, it was your mistake." She walked out of the kitchen then, slamming
the door behind her. 

Looking down at the picture, I smiled and placed it on the counter as I
unloaded the last of the dishes and put them away. 

 

Most everyone was in the common area when I walked through, but I headed
to my room. I wanted to express for the babies, and think about my
options. I sat on the bed looking at the image of Ben, and felt an intense
loneliness course through me. I missed him so much! Taking a deep breath,
I sat the picture down and placed the milk in the refrigerator. 

Heading into the bathroom, I turned on the water and took a long hot
shower. Just why was I here anyway? I knew I wanted to find a better way
to deal with my stress, but in all honesty, I just don't feel like eating
when things get bad, I never have. I remember once my father telling me a
long time ago, that when I was little, I hadn't eaten for almost two weeks
and they took me to the doctor. He couldn't find anything wrong, though,
and told them that I'd eat when I was hungry enough.  

I let the water cascade over my body as I thought about the memory. Why
would now be any different? I hadn't been sick since arriving, and to be
quite honest, the last time I was sick had been quite a few days before
coming here. 

I turned off the water and wrapped a towel around myself. These past two
days had been the oddest I had had in a long time. I wanted to be with my
family, but I was afraid to go home. What would Ben think? He knows I am
supposed to be in here for a week. Five more days to go. 

Quickly I changed into Ben's shirt and my flannel bottoms before slipping
under the covers. I reached for the picture again and stared at it, trying
to decide what to do.  

Knowing I couldn't give up, I placed it on the night stand and picked up a
tablet along with the pamphlets I received earlier. 

What exactly was this going to do? I thought to myself. How can this
possibly help? Knowing I didn't have the answers, I started to write down
everything that 'popped' into my head, like Joanne told me to. I don't
know, maybe something good could come from this. After all, Ben's father
kept journals for all those years, perhaps it had some therapeutic
benefits or something. 

 

********* 

 

"Hey, Analise!" 

I felt a shaking and tried to ignore it.  

"Come on girl, get up!" Jen yanked the covers back and I opened one eye
enough to see her peering down at me. 

"What time is it?" I asked, then yawned before closing it again and
snuggling back down. 

"Late and you overslept. Now do I have to drag you out of this bed?" She
took hold of my arm, as if to pull me. 

"All right, I'm up." I reluctantly sat up and rubbed my eyes. I didn't
feel as if I had gotten any sleep at all. "What's the big hurry anyway?" I
looked up at her. 

Jen sat on the edge of the bed and smiled at me. "No hurry, I just wanted
to make sure you didn't make us late." 

"For what?" I knew she had better have a good reason for getting me up.
Looking at my clock, I wanted to die. "It's only six o'clock! Did you lose
your mind?" I couldn't believe she woke me up at this hour. Grabbing the
blanket, I pulled it over myself as I laid back down. "Go away" I muttered
from underneath. 

Cold air hit my body again as she yanked the cover away for a second time.
 

"You have to get up." She said and then laughed. 

"Why do I have to get up? Please tell me the building is on fire or
something important like that?"  

"You are a newbie." She stated staring down at me. 

"And?" 

"And you have been volunteered to make breakfast."  

I looked at her, and groaned. She was enjoying this a little too much. 

"Come on" Jen took my arm and I begrudgingly sat up once more.	

"This sucks." I whined, and she pulled me to my feet, ushering me to the
bathroom. 

"Don't take too long" Jen said, then shut the door behind her. 

 

Placing the tray of fruit on the serving line, I stretched and stifled a
yawn. Making breakfast for 30 people, and giving them choices was a lot of
hard work. Jen was transferring the last of the eggs into a warming tray
and I went over to start on the bacon. 

"Just exactly how did I get volunteered to do breakfast today?" I asked,
knowing it was odd not to be told ahead of time. She looked up at me and
smiled. 

"Well, you're my *buddy*, and *buddies* stick together." She replied as
she picked up the tray and placed it in the warmer. 

"You did this to me?" My mouth dropped open and she started laughing. 

"Oh come on! It isn't that bad. Besides, if you do it today, you don't
have to do it the rest of the week." 

I found myself laughing with her, but I wasn't sure why. "So what will I
get stuck with then? Bathroom duty?" I said a little on the sarcastic
side. Besides the one's in our rooms, we had three communal one's
accessible by all. 

"Who told?" She asked, then ducked when I threw a piece of apple at her. 

"You are wicked!" I hissed. Laughing, we put the last of the food on the
line, and got our own plates ready. 

 

********** 

 

'Things seemed to be better today, Bonnie has left me alone for the most
part, and I am finding a new friend in Jen. She seems to make the time go
faster here. The weather is changing, I can feel it. This morning before
breakfast, I saw the first geese of the year flying south. As the seasons
change, I find myself on the verge of change also. Funny isn't it? To
others, I appear to have the perfect life. A wonderful husband, beautiful
children, and loyal friends. And yet I am here. 

I have always believed that God never gives anyone more than they can
handle, so why can't I handle my stress? I can't imagine being without
Ben, and I find myself wondering how I will handle the long stretches of
time he will be away from me when we go home. I guess only time will tell.


I find the sessions with Joanne beneficial. She gives me a different
perspective on my life, and I can see a difference. I am feeling a little
better about everything I have been through. It's almost supper time, and
the view from the lanai overlooking the gardens is beautiful. I had wanted
to go to the willow tree again, but didn't want to risk running into
Bonnie. Arguing with her is draining me and I would rather avoid her if I
can.  

Well, I have made it through most of day three and find myself starting to
feel comfortable here. Joanne approached me earlier, and let me know there
was a message from Ben on the clinics machine when she came in to work.
She tried to call him back, but she said she was told he was out. He was
probably helping Ray on a case again.' 

I smiled to myself as I closed my tablet and leaned back into the wicker
rocker. Joanne assured me that when she reached Ben, she'd let him know
that I wasn't able to call him. Only four days left to go...... 

 

********** 

 

Ben stared into the binoculars, the sunset cast a glow over the lake
setting off shimmers like that of a thousand diamonds. He briefly wished
he could share the view with his wife, and shook himself before turning
his attention back to the lake. All four boats positioned themselves far
enough away that they needed the binoculars to see each other. Even then
it was a stretch. The wires were working well, and mostly all was quiet
except for the occasional bickering between Ray and Meg. In a way, Ben
felt sorry for his friend. He knew she could be a formidable woman and
when she was not in a good mood, her wrath could be mind boggling. 

Welsh pulled in his fishing lines and sighed. "Anything yet Constable?" He
asked as he opened a soda. 

Ben stretched slightly and cracked his neck to loosen the muscles. Sitting
there for the past few hours had taken a slight toll on his body. "No sir.
All seems to be quiet, and I don't see any other boat for miles." 

"Well, if something doesn't happen soon, we might as well call it a night.
All the robberies occurred during the day." 

Ben wondered briefly of the sleeping arrangements on both boats. Certainly
his sister would be safe with Stan. Wouldn't she? Not one to leave things
to chance, Ben activated his speaker. 

"Maggie...how are things on your end?" He asked, knowing it was silly.
After all, they had just checked in fifteen minutes ago. 

"Fine Ben.... Is something wrong?" She asked. 

"No..ah... I was just.. Well, wondering how you... The two of you...were
going to arrange." Sighing, Ben tried again. "What I mean is, have you
discussed the accommodations with Stan yet?" 

He could almost hear Maggie smiling through the wire. "If you mean the
sleeping arrangements Ben, there are two bedrooms on board. We will be
taking turns keeping watch though." 

"Ah...good. Well, goodnight then." Came Ben's relieved reply. 

"Goodnight Ben." Maggie's voice cut out, and Ben briefly wondered how Ray
and Meg were making out. Knowing it wouldn't be wise to ask, he restrained
himself. Their last 'check-in' was a colorful one to say the least. He was
surprised that Meg even knew some of the words he heard her using in the
background while he was talking to Ray. 

 

Ray dropped the anchor and busied himself making sure all their equipment
was working properly. The past few hours with Meg had been excruciating.
He never knew what was going to set her off, and it seemed the more time
that passed, the cooler she became. It was almost manic, he thought to
himself. Risking a glance, Ray watched as Meg sat down the glass of tea
she was drinking, and leaned back in her chair, placing her legs up on the
edge of the rail. For an instant, he thought of how beautiful she looked
with the sunlight illuminating her features. 

Ray sucked in a breath and shook himself. What was he thinking? This was
the dragon lady after all! He looked over at her again, unable to help
himself. 'Still, she does look kinda sad.' Quietly, he went below and
returned a few minutes later with a tray of vegetables and some dip. 

Clearing his throat, Ray was surprised when Meg straightened and placed
her hand to her face before she turned and looked at him. 'Were those
unshed tears in her eyes?' 

"I thought you might be hungry." Ray sat the tray down and took a seat
opposite Meg. 'Great, now I sound like an idiot!' He berated himself. 

Meg looked at him and hesitated. "Uh...thank you." 

Neither knowing what to say, they fell back into silence as they watched
the sunset. After a few minutes, Ray spoke. 

"The sunset's beautiful out here on the lake. Especially since there
aren't any buildings to block the view." 

"Indeed."  

Sighing inwardly, he tried again. "Is everything all right? I mean, you
seem a little distracted." 

Stiffening visibly, Meg's reply was curt. "I am fully aware of the reason
we are out here Detective, and I am capable of carrying out my duties." 

"I didn't mean it like that. I just thought you might wanna talk about
whatever is bothering you." Ray replied. 

He saw Meg relax a little. 

"I'm sorry Detective, I--" 

"Ray." He interrupted. 

"Excuse me?" 

"Call me Ray." 

Meg gave a slight nod. "All right, Ray. As I was saying, I didn't mean to
be so curt this evening. Though I have done more than my fair share of
surveillance activities over the course of my career, I never have gotten
used to the waiting part. It reminds me of the carnival with the ducks
going by in a row just waiting for people to come and shoot them." 

Ray gave a small laugh at the mental image she created for him. For some
odd reason, he never imagined her going to a carnival.	

"What exactly do you find humorous...Ray?" She raised an eyebrow at him,
and took another sip of her tea. 

"I just never thought of you being one to go to a carnival. Cotton candy
in one hand, a big oversized stuffed moose in the other." He laughed at
himself as he spoke, causing Meg to smile. 

"Actually, I am more of a candy apple kind or girl myself." She replied,
then her smile disappeared and she looked away. 

"Inspector, is something wrong?" Ray felt some concern for her. This was
obviously not her normal behavior. Earlier when she was using 'colorful
metaphors' after stubbing her toe on a deck pin, she didn't seem to be her
usual self either. 

"No." She was back to her official no nonsense tone again. "I believe I
will turn in for the evening. Goodnight Detective." Meg said as she stood
and headed towards the stairs. 

"Wait a minute." Ray called after her, causing her to turn around. "Aren't
you forgetting something?" 

"Not that I am aware of..." Her voice trailed off as the smile on Ray's
face grew bigger. 

"If I'm not mistaken, there is only one bed on board." Ray looked at her
not bothering to hide his humor. 

"Your point being?" She asked, crossing her arms in front of her, and
giving him her best dressing down stare. She knew it was daunting from the
reactions of her subordinates. He seemed to be unfazed though. 

"I am not sleeping up here." Ray replied, standing as he did and walked
towards her. "Neither am I." Meg wasn't about to give in. Looking at the
sparse furnishings of the deck, there was no way she would sleep up here. 

They looked at each other for a moment, and reading each others mind,
raced towards the stairs trying to beat the other to the room. 

Meg elbowed Ray in the mid section at the top of the stairs, and managed
to gain a small lead. By the time they reached the bottom, she felt his
arms around her waist as he pulled her back and out of his way before
putting her down and moving forward. Never one to accept defeat, Meg
uttered a curse and surged forward, pushing him into the wall in the small
hallway as she ran past on her way to the room. 

'Yes!' She thought to herself as she grabbed the door and started to close
it. 

Ray put his foot in at the last second, effectively blocking her efforts.
"Nice try Inspector, but this is my room!" He pushed the door open enough
to squeeze through. 

"I am not giving up this bed!" Meg huffed, red faced, at him. She didn't
like to lose, especially to the loud mouthed american in front of her. 

"Well neither am I!" 

They looked at each other in silence, then at the double bed. As soon as
the thought of sharing the bed crossed both their minds, it was
immediately dismissed.	

Meg looked at the floor. There wasn't even enough room on either side of
the bed to lie down. Looking back at Ray, she decided to try another
tactic. 

"Ray...it's silly to be acting so juvenile over something as petty as a
bed. Why don't we take turns?" 

Ray looked down at the woman in front of him. She was breathing heavy, and
her hair was mussed. Her face was slightly flushed from effort, and for
some reason he couldn't even begin to fathom, Ray found himself drawn into
those beautiful dark eyes. He found himself replaying the memory of their
shared kiss and wondered briefly if she was thinking the same thing. 

As Ray stared at her, the only thing he could manage to say slipped out.
"Turns?"  

Meg smiled. She knew she had him. Swaying slightly, she moved closer to
him. "Yes. Since it is likely we will be out here for a few days, I can
take the bed tonight, and you can take it tomorrow." 

She was almost sure she had him where she wanted him. The look of emotions
playing across his face all but guaranteed it. 

"Why don't I take the bed tonight, and *you* can have it tomorrow?" Ray
smiled at her. She was good. He would have to watch her closer in the
future. 

Meg was losing patience fast, and pulled her hair back away from her face.
"Well, I am getting changed, and am going to bed. This bed." She pointed
to it for emphasis. "If you want to sleep on the floor, go right ahead,
but the bed is mine." She icily replied, then not waiting for a response,
picked up her bag and dug out her pajama's. 

Ray watched her movements, then picked up his own bag. This was going to
be interesting to say the least. He watched as Meg dug out her pajama's
and toiletry bag, then look around. 

"Problem?" He asked, knowing full well there was. 

"I would appreciate it if you leave so I could change." She looked at him,
as if daring him to question her again. 

Knowing he pushed her as far as he dared, Ray was almost ready to let her
have the bed. Almost. "I get it tomorrow night?" 

"Of course." She was sure this would be the only night from hell she'd
have to spend on this floating piece of metal. 

"You're giving your word as a Mountie?" He wanted to make sure she wasn't
going to back out tomorrow. 

Sighing in frustration she replied. "Yes Detective." 

"Can I at least have a pillow?"  

Meg went to the head of the bed and tossed it at him. 

"Gee, thanks." Picking up his bag, Ray walked out into the hallway and up
the stairs, muttering under his breath the entire time. 

Meg shut the door and shook her head. For a minute, she thought she would
have to share the bed with him. Though she wouldn't admit it, the thought
didn't seem to disturb her as much as she thought it would. 

 

Sometime during the night, the gentle rocking of the boat woke Meg, and
she stared at the darkened ceiling. She could have sworn she heard a
noise, and quickly pulled her robe on, then looked around the room for a
weapon. 

The only thing she found was a stuffed swordfish hanging on the wall, and
quickly grabbed it. Meg made her way down the hall, and when she reached
the bottom of the stairs, she became aware of the sounds of something.... 


She slowly climbed the stairs, and threw her arm up to shield her from the
rain. When did that start? Looking around, she spied Ray huddled under the
table and tried not to laugh. He looked so miserable! The boat they had
rented was an open deck one. There was no cover to be found. Realizing
there were no criminals on board, Meg was about to go back to bed when an
unwelcome feeling invaded her. 

She looked back at Ray. He had placed the pillow she lent him on a chair
under the table, and he rested his head on it. Knowing she couldn't just
leave him like that, she sighed, propped the swordfish that was still in
her hands against the wall and ran to the table. 

Ray jumped when he felt her squeeze in beside him, and looked at her in
shock. "What are you doing here? The bed wasn't comfortable enough?" He
asked, sarcasm thick in his voice. 

"I came to tell you to come below deck." 

Ray looked at her for a moment, wondering if this was some kind of joke. 

"Are you coming or not? You aren't going to get much sleep under here." 

He nodded wordlessly and watched as Meg made a dash back to the stairs.
Ray grabbed his pillow in one hand, and bag in the other, then quickly
followed her. 

He hadn't bother to change when he went on deck, and now he was all but
soaked. When he reached the bedroom, Meg already had the light on, and she
looked in horror as a soaking wet Detective stood in the small space at
the front of the bed. 

"Now what?" Ray asked, upon seeing her expression. 

"I think you should change before you catch a cold." She said, then held
out a towel for him. 

"Thanks" he mumbled, then dug in his bag before disappearing to the
bathroom. After a few minutes, Ray came back into the room, dressed in
green silk pajamas and a robe. 

Meg just stared at him and stifled a laugh. 

Ray was tired and miserable. The only thing he wanted to do was sleep, but
the way his night was going, it didn't look like it was happening in the
near future. "What now?" He snapped. 

"Nothing." Meg quickly suppressed her grin, and took her robe off before
climbing into bed. When she looked back, she could have swore she saw Ray
staring at her. He quickly lowered his head and stood there. 

"Aren't you going to sleep Detective?" She asked, amused at his
discomfort. 

Ray looked at the bed and then to Meg. She didn't mean what he thought she
did. Did she? 

"Uh...bed?" He stammered, swallowing visibly. 

Sighing, Meg flipped back the covers on the other side of the bed. "Unless
you'd rather go back under the table. And don't try anything funny. I am
more than skilled at defending myself if need be." 

"Don't flatter yourself" Ray said as he carefully climbed in, making sure
to give her enough room. They then turned their backs to each other, and
Meg reached over to turn out the light. Once all was settled, Ray's quiet
'thank you' was met with an even quieter 'your welcome'. 

 

 

 

 

 

***************** 

Ben looked down at the figures sleeping on the bed, briefly wondering what
turn of events led to their current 'position'. Meg was curled in a ball
hugging her pillow tightly, and ray was curled against her. They actually
looked quite cute. 

Ben's thoughts then drifted to how much guard duty he would have to pull
if Meg became aware he saw her in such a compromising position. Just as he
was about to go out and knock on the door, Welsh yelled down the stairs. 

"Constable, anything yet?" Welsh's voice boomed down the narrow hallway,
causing Meg to jump awake. Her arm flung around and struck Ray in the face
as she sat up. 

"Ow!" Ray yelled as he covered his eye and rolled out of her way. 

"Constable! This isn't what it looks like." Meg stammered as she pulled
the covers around her, effectively leaving Ray without any. 

"No sir." Ben blushed in embarrassment for her. 

"You hit me in the eye!" Ray whined as he pampered the newest injury she
had inflicted on him. 

"You'll live!" Meg snapped and turned back to Ben "Just what are you doing
here anyway?" She asked as she reached for her robe. 

Since Ben was closer, he automatically reached for it on the end of the
bed, holding it out to her. 

Meg snatched it from him and gave him a glare that caused him to snap to
attention. 

"You didn't report in at the prearranged time, and we thought...well, that
is..." 

"Constable! What's going on down here?"  

Ben closed his eyes and grimaced as Lieutenant Welsh walked in the room.
Somehow, he knew this would all be his fault. 

The cop stopped dead in his tracks as he looked at Ray and Meg sitting on
the bed. 

"Never mind, I think I figured it out." The surprise in Welsh's voice was
not lost on the couple in the bed, and they both jumped out of it quickly.


"It's not what you think sir." Ray was quick to interject, while still
holding his eye. He knew it was going to be black and blue, just like the
other had been. 

"Of course it isn't." Welsh smiled at him. This was going to be one story
he couldn't wait to tell. "What happened to your eye?" He added. 

"Nothing!" Ray grabbed his bag, and squeezed past the men, going into the
small bathroom. 

Both men turned to watch Ray leave the small room, and when they turned
back, they weren't too happy with the look they saw in Meg's face. It was
not unlike knowing you were about to be hit with a semi truck 

"I'll...uh...just go and make sure the...deck..yes, I'll go and make sure
the deck is secured." Ben said as he slowly backed his way out the door.  

"You may need back-up Constable, I'll go with you." Welsh added as he
hastily made his way out. 

"Thank you Sir." 

After Ben shut the door, Meg let out a frustrated sigh and sank onto the
bed. Why was it, whenever she was near that man, strange things happened
to her? She could almost hear the laughter in the station house already.
Wishing she could crawl under the covers and hide, Meg knew that was
impossible so she reluctantly dug through her bag to get dressed. 

 

************* 

Maggie hummed to herself as she made lunch for Stan and herself. Glancing
over at him, she noted how he was leaning back on the deck chair, his head
bobbing slightly as he tried to stay awake. 

Although they had agreed to take turns keeping watch last night, Stan
hadn't woke her. This morning when Maggie woke and realized what had
happened, she thoroughly chastised him. He simply stood there, looking
impish as he gave her a small grin. 

'Well,' she thought to herself 'he's paying for it now.' 

She finished slicing the sandwiches and carried the plates over to the
table. When Maggie was close enough, she realized his eyes were closed and
his breathing was slow and steady. 

She set the plates down and went back over to get the tea. Maggie has made
earl gray, hoping the natural stimulants would help him stay awake. She
really couldn't blame him though, except for the fits of laughter that
came across the headset earlier this morning, all had been too quiet. Of
course, Maggie was used to the quiet solitude of the north, but for Stan
to be in a enclosed area doing nothing but waiting... 

Maggie sighed thinking back over the morning. For the first few hours,
Stan couldn't sit still. In a way, she thought he was going out of his way
to prove to her he wasn't tired, but as time wore on, his stamina dropped.
Running her fingers through his short blond hair, Maggie decided to let
him sleep. 

Going below deck, Maggie brought back a blanket and covered him up. She
figured she could always wake him if something happens. 

Both Maggie and Stan made an unspoken pact to keep a professional distance
between themselves, while working together. That was proving more
difficult than she realized. When they were watching the sunset last
evening, more than anything she wanted to nestle into his warmth, but they
wanted to take their time in developing their relationship. 

So far it had been no problem to stop before things got out of hand, they
were never really alone for long periods of time. Now faced with the
possibility of days alone, they found themselves at somewhat of a loss. 

Maggie climbed the ladder to the helm, and scanned the area with
binoculars. It was almost time for their next check in. Sweeping her gaze
across the water, Maggie spied her brothers boat, then the boat with the
other two police officers she hadn't met. What were their names again?
Maggie scanned her memory...oh! Shaw and Moran. Turning, she saw Ray and
Meg's boat approximately sixty degrees SSE of Ben. 

The boat rocked gently and Maggie's sharp eyes scanned the water. Though
there were no boats moving that she could see, the wake had to have been
caused by something. From her vantage point, Maggie was able to spy a
shadow under the water drawing near. 

Knowing the indigenous species of fish that lived in the great lakes, and
their growth range, she automatically ruled out the natural population.
Noting the consistent speed and steady direction of the object, Maggie
quickly surmised it was man made. Perhaps a small submersible. 

As the object neared, Maggie felt her heart race. It would certainly
explain the fact that no one noticed any strange boats lurking near the
crime scenes. Activating her speaker, she informed the others. 

"I have an unidentified submersible approaching our current position." She
said. 

It only took a second for Ben's voice to come across the headset. 

"Understood. What is the estimated time of contact?" Ben asked, and Maggie
noticed the other boats were already turning their direction towards her. 


"Given the speed and depth of the craft, I'd estimate approximately three
minutes." She calmly relayed the information. Going towards the ladder,
she was about to wake Stan up when his head appeared over the top rung. 

"I heard." He joined her on top, and looked in the direction she pointed.
At first he couldn't see anything, so he dug out his glasses from his
pocket. Once he had them on, he could make out the shape coming closer.
Their speed wasn't too fast. 

"They probably snuck up on the victims." 

"My thoughts exactly." Maggie agreed.  

Welsh's voice came through the headset. "I want everyone's channels to
remain open." 

"Yes sir" Stan replied and put his speaker on open. Maggie followed suit,
and they briefly gave each other a meaningful glance. It was show time. 

"What's the plan?" Stan asked, wanting Maggie's opinion. 

Her eyes didn't leave the approaching vessel. "We wait for them to
surface, then arrest them." 

Stan rolled his eyes. "Oh is that all? Gee, I wonder why I didn't think of
that." He looked towards the back-up boats, but they were still a good ten
minutes away. 

Ben's concerned voice filled the headset. "Perhaps you should call the
coast guard for reinforcements." 

"Good idea." Maggie picked up the radio, "Mayday, mayday, this is---" loud
static cut across the channel, effectively blocking out her message. She
tried another frequency with the same results.	

Stan observed what was happening. "They must be jamming the signal
somehow." He was reminded of the time when he and Ben were on board the
Henry Allen and the radar had been jammed. Remembering what happened after
that made an involuntary shudder course through him. One almost watery
grave was more than enough as far as he was concerned, and he didn't want
a repeat performance. 

"Ben...can you hear me?" Maggie asked, then paused. "Inspector
Thatcher...anyone, can you hear me? Our radio is being jammed and we can't
get a message out." 

"It's no use. Whatever they're using is too strong." Stan checked his gun,
then his back-up. "We need to find something to hide behind. Looking
towards the craft, he could tell they were starting to surface off the
stern. 

Maggie surmised the best place would be back on the lounge deck. "Come
on." She said as they climbed down. There wasn't much in the way of
protection, and Stan flipped the table on it's side, causing the plates to
clatter to the deck. "Get behind here." He said to her as he held out his
back up gun. "Take this." 

Maggie looked at the weapon as if it would bite her. "I'm not licensed to
carry a firearm in this country. For me to do so would be...." 

"I don't have time to argue with you, now take it!" Stan's voice grew with
the panic he was feeling inside. He faced down criminals thousands of
times, and been in more dangerous situations than this. So why was he so
panicked? Looking over at Maggie he knew the answer. He didn't want
anything to happen to her. Swallowing down his misgivings, they could hear
the sounds of someone on the other side of the boat. 

Maggie held the gun with practiced ease, knowing it would make Stan happy.
She knew that she wouldn't use it unless she was presented with no other
options. Her sharp hearing let her know three individuals came aboard, and
she held up three fingers to let Stan know. 

They seemed to be lightly armed, the only sounds she heard were of
handguns being cocked. Knowing they probably weren't expecting a counter
attack, the element of surprise would be crucial. Spying the ladder,
Maggie tucked the gun into the front waistband of her jeans and motioned
to Stan what she was about to do. 

He shook his head no and placed a hand on her arm to stop her, but she
shrugged it off and was half way to the stairs before he could stop her.
Stan watched as Maggie disappeared above him, and readied himself. 

The first body appeared from the left side of the helm house, and Stan
knew it was now or never.  

"Get yer hands in the air! Chicago PD!" He yelled as he trained his weapon
on the man.  

Shouts erupted as the criminals realized they walked into a trap. The man
dove back behind the wheel house, and fire erupted driving Stan back down
to the safety of the table. 

There were now two criminals he could see and Stan managed to fire off a
few rounds before the return fire pinned him behind the table again. He
emptied his weapon and leaned his back against the table to reload. 

Whipping around, he fired and managed to hit one of the men in the leg.
The man's scream resounded around the boat as he went down. Just as Stan
took aim at the second man, Maggie jumped on him from above. As he fell to
the deck, his gun flew from his hands. 

Laying face down on the deck, Maggie wasted no time in capturing arms
behind his back. Stan stood, keeping his gun trained on the man, and every
once in a while shifting it over to the fallen man before turning back as
he moved towards Maggie. 

"Are you alright?" 

Maggie's face lit up and she was breathing hard. "Perfect". She looked
over at the injured man. He was lying on the deck clutching his leg and
moaning rather loudly. He couldn't have been more than twenty-two at the
oldest and she shook her head. Remembering something, Maggie looked at
Stan. "There's one more." She stated, causing Stan's smile to disappear. 

He reached behind him and pulled out a pair of handcuffs, handing them to
Maggie. "Stay here, I'll be right back." 

"Understood." She cuffed the man securely to the bottom rung of the
ladder, and was checking him for weapons when she felt the unmistakable
barrel of a gun being pressed into the back of her neck. 

"Unlock him." The gruff voice ordered from behind. 

"I don't have the key." Maggie tried to focus all her being on the man
behind her, the angle of the gun, his exact location behind her. 

"Where's your friend?" He asked. 

Maggie didn't say anything, hoping to give Stan enough time to do
something. 

She felt a sharp pain as the man pulled her up by her hair, and then
wrapped his arm around her neck as he kept his gun pointed at her head. He
backed away from the helm house towards the lounge deck, making sure to
keep his back to the water. "I got your girlfriend! You got ten seconds to
come out, or I shoot her!" The man yelled. 

************* 

I positioned my leg on the patio railing and leaned forward, testing the
muscles. After stretching I took on last look through the patio doors,
making sure no one was looking before heading into the gardens for a brisk
jog. The morning air was crisp, and goosebumps covered my flesh as I ran
down the path. I felt better than I had in a long time, and the need to
get outdoors overwhelmed me.  

The sun rising over the gardens made a breathtaking view, and I was
enjoying the feel of nature as I thought of how my life was finally
getting back to normal. I couldn't wait until I went home, and this was
the beginning of my fourth day! Only three left then... 

I laughed out loud as I left the gardens for a longer stretch of road. I
felt an elation I hadn't had in a long time. I wasn't winded like the last
time I went jogging. Occasionally, a car would pass me, but I was for the
most part, alone. It was exhilarating to not be watched all the time.
Thinking back, it had been quite a while since I was on my own. Even
before getting here, Ben was always watching me. I know it was out of
concern, but it was still unnerving. 

I finally reached a fork in the road, and decided to turn back. The sun
was fully up now, and I knew if I didn't get back soon, someone would
realize I was missing and come looking for me. Feeling a stitch start in
my side, I slowed my pace some and raised my right arm above my head,
hoping that would help it go away. I was only vaguely aware of the sound
of a car from behind. 

Hearing tires screech, I turned to see the car weaving back and forth
across the road. I as close to the edge of the road as I could, and
continued to glance back. I didn't know whether the driver was drunk or in
need of help, but I wanted to make sure he had a wide enough birth to get
by. 

When the sound was almost on top of me, I turned in time to see the car
swerve onto the other side of the road, then run straight for me.  

"Oh shit!" I dove off the road into the ditch, and felt the air of the
passing car against my skin as it roared by. The car came only inches from
hitting me, and I watched as it continued down the road out of site. 

Brushing the dirt off, I shakily examined myself, and was relieved to only
find some scrapes. A couple were fairly deep, and I took a deep breath as
I went back on the road to walk back to the center. I didn't believe in
signs, but if I did... 

 

"Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you!" Jen said when
she saw me walking towards the building. She looked down at my muddy
clothes. "What happened?" 

"I fell. What's wrong?" I asked, as she pulled me behind a bush. 

"They did head count this morning, and you weren't here." She glanced
around nervously as she spoke. 

"What's the big deal? I went for a jog." I tried to brush some more dried
mud off my clothes as I spoke. 

Sighing, Jen folded her arms across her chest "Did you even bother to read
the rules they gave you?" 

"Sort of. Look, I didn't mean to be gone so long, but there was this car
and....." 

She cut me off by taking my arm and dragging me to the side of the
building. We reached a door and she turned to me.  

"Look, I don't know what's going to happen. The best thing you can do
right now, is grab a quick shower and get some clean clothes on. I'll go
with you. Maybe Joanne didn't notice you were gone." 

She opened the door as she spoke, and feeling like I was breaking and
entering, we snuck to my room so I could change. 

 

No sooner had I finished dressing after my shower, Joanne walk into the
room. She had a grim expression on her face, and I knew I was in trouble. 

"Jen, would you give us a few minutes?" Joanne asked. 

Jen looked at me and then back at Joanne. She tried to speak in my
defense. "She didn't know about the head counts and--" 

Joanne cut her off "Thank you Jen." 

Jen quickly left, but before she shut the door, she looked over at me, and
mouthed the words 'good luck'. 

I motioned for Joanne to have a seat on the bed, and picked up my brush to
comb through my wet hair. 

"Where were you this morning?" She asked. 

"I went jogging. I'm sorry, I didn't think there would be a problem with
that." I said as I leaned against the dresser. 

Sighing, Joanne stood. "I know It's difficult to have to adhere to rules
that may seem.... extreme, but they are in place for a reason." 

"I understand. I didn't think about that when I left though. I thought I
would be back before anyone missed me." 

We were quiet for a few minutes, and I could tell Joanne was weighing her
options. 

"So what happens now?" I asked. I could tell by the look on her face, she
didn't want to say what she was about to. It wasn't hard to guess what it
was. 

"I'm out, aren't I?" 

"If it were a lesser infraction, I could have worked around it. As it
stands, leaving is the only option. I'm sorry." Joanne truly regretted
having to tell me that, and I smiled at her to let her know there were no
hard feelings. 

"I understand. It's your job." 

 

She leaned over and gave me a hug. When she pulled back, she looked at my
arm. Following her gaze, I noticed the scrapes running along the underside
of my right forearm were still bleeding somewhat. 

"What happened?" 

"Oh, there was this car when I was out..." 

Her mouth fell open and I shook my head. "I'm fine. It just ran me into a
ditch. No bid deal." 

Joanne gave me a skeptical look. "Let's go." She walked to the door and
held it open. 

"Where?" 

"To get that taken care of, " she pointed to my arm "and then some
breakfast." 

Hearing the no nonsense tone in her voice, I obediently followed. 

"You know, you dote almost as well as my husband." I teased. 

 

************** 

Maggie barely breathed as she waited to see what Stan would do. She hoped
desperately that he wouldn't compromise himself to save her. After all,
she was a Mountie and knew one day she might have to sacrifice herself for
the greater good. Maggie could feel the gun Stan gave her, tucked in the
waistband of her pants, and slowly moved her hand that was gripping the
arm of her captor had around her neck, down towards the weapon. Sensing
the movement, the man pressed the barrel of his gun deeper into her skin. 

"Drop it." He hissed in her ear. 

Maggie took hold of the weapon, and held it up where he could see it. 

"Throw it overboard." He ordered, and Maggie had no choice but to toss the
weapon to her left, watching as it disappeared over the railing. 

"You won't get away with this." she stalled. His only response was to
start counting loudly. 

"Ten! Nine! Eight!.... I'm getting tired of this!" He tightened his grip
around Maggie's throat as he finished. "Three! Two! Times up!" 

"Wait! I'm here." 

Maggie focused on the voice from behind the wheel house. "No...don't
Stan!" She yelled, and was jabbed violently in the side for her efforts.
Biting her lip to keep from moaning, she watched as Stan hesitantly
appeared, holding his hands out to the side.  

"Drop it." The man barked as Stan stared into Maggie's eyes. Time stopped
as the unspoken messages between them hung in the air. 

"Now!"	

Stan slowly lowered his weapon to the deck, and when he looked back at
Maggie she had adverted her gaze from him. 

Straightening, he leveled an evil look at the gunman. "All right, now let
her go." 

"Unlock him." The gunman jerked his chin towards his friend, still cuffed
to the ladder. The other man had stopped moving by now, and Maggie wasn't
sure if he was still alive. 

Sighing in frustration, the man cocked his gun loudly. 

"I'm going!" Stan replied as he carefully dug his keys out of his pocket.
The man seemed unhinged, and he wasn't going to give him any reason to
pull that trigger. 

As soon as the cuffs were off the second man, he caught Stan off guard and
landed a roundhouse punch to his face. 

"Stan!" Maggie cried and tried to go to him when she saw him fall. The arm
around her neck became tighter, and she gasped for breath. She watched as
Stan's hand came up to his mouth, and he looked at the blood. Glowering at
the criminal, he started to get to his feet, only to be kicked hard in the
stomach by a steel toed boot. 

"That's enough." The man behind Maggie barked. "Get him over here." 

Stan was grabbed unceremoniously as he held onto his side, and was
manhandled as they drug him near Maggie. 

"What now Ron?" The second man asked after his task was complete. 

'Ron' slowly backed away from the cop, Maggie still secure in his grasp,
and when he was a safe distance, pushed her violently towards the cop. 

"Check on Lane." Ron ordered as he kept his gun trained on the two. 

Maggie was pushed with such force, she stumbled into the still overturned
table, and landed by Stan. In an instant, he was by her side, his own
injuries forgotten as he helped her sit up. 

"He's barely breathing. Oh man! What are we gonna do?" The second man was
near panic. 

"Shut up! I gotta think." Ron watched Maggie and Stan on the deck. He knew
he would have to kill them. 

"Think about what you're doing." Maggie said to Ron. "It isn't too late to
turn yourself in. So far, you have only killed one person. You don't want
to add to that list." She tried reasoning with him. 

The man who was still standing over Lane looked shocked. "You killed her?
You said you wouldn't!" 

"Shut up!" Ron turned his weapon on his friend, and Maggie saw her
opening. She reached for one of the plates that had earlier held their
uneaten lunch. Standing swiftly, she hurled it at Ron like a frisbee as he
pulled the trigger, hitting him square in the face. 

At the same instant, a blur of red knocked the marked man out of harms
way. 

Maggie looked over at her brother with a relieved smile, then went over to
take the gun from Ron, who was sprawled unconscious on the deck. 

"I was wondering when you were going to make your presence known." She
smiled at her brother as she spoke, noticing for the first time he was
soaking wet. 

"I had to swim the last one hundred meters. We didn't want the boats
engine to give away our position. Also, I disabled their frequency jamming
device in their submersible, so the Leftenant could notify the
authorities." 

Stan looked at both open mouthed. He couldn't believe everything was over
so quick. "You mean to tell me" he started as he stood, holding his side.
"That you were here earlier, and *waited* to come help?" His voice rose as
he grasped what Ben had said. 

Ben tugged at his ear. "Well, I noticed you had everything under control,
and it was necessary to disable the device." 

"Under control?! What exactly was under control Fraser? They were gonna
kill us!" Stan yelled, but Ben knew it was the adrenaline coming out. 

Maggie chose that moment to step between the two. "Well, as long as
everything is settled, I think you need to have your ribs looked at." She
spoke to Stan. 

He moved back from the two Frasers a few steps. "I don't need nothing
looked at ." He protested. Just then, it dawned on him. "You knew he was
here all along, didn't you?" He asked Maggie. She smiled at him. 

Just as Ben was about to speak, someone else beat him to it. 

"Detective, you will get checked out as soon as we get back." Welsh
stepped over the prone bodies as he spoke. Looking over at Maggie he
nodded. "Good work Constable." 

"Thank you Sir." 

Now that communications were reestablished, the sounds of Meg and Ray
bickering through the headsets came in loud and clear. 

Welsh spoke into his communicator. "Is there a problem Vecchio?" He asked
with an exasperated tone. The others turned towards the boat, still a good
five minutes away. 

After Welsh spoke, all went quiet on the other end, and after a few
seconds Vecchio replied. 

"Uh.. No sir. We are having some trouble with the steering." 

"Do you need help Ray?" Ben asked, knowing the two of them were probably
ready to kill each other by now. 

"Yes." Meg answered at the same time Ray said. "No." 

"Constable, it seems the Detective has a navigation problem, and instead
of listening to common sense, has managed to flood the engine." 

"Me flood it? I wasn't the one being a side seat driver. You're the one
who flooded it! I told you to keep your hands off the controls!" 

"If you had been steering properly, I wouldn't have had to take over to
begin with!" 

Everyone looked at each other and sighed, before turning off their
headsets to wait for the coast guard. For some odd reason, they knew it
was going to be a long wait. 

The inquisitive look Maggie and Ben gave him made Welsh shrug. "We'll pick
them up on the way back." 

"Understood." They replied in unison. 

 

***************** 

 

Ben watched as the coast guard helicopter lifted off with the criminals,
plus Maggie and Stan. He and Lieutenant Welsh still had the task of
retrieving a stranded Meg and Ray. It didn't take them long to come upon
the hapless boaters, and Ben stared in shock at the scene before him.  

They appeared to be having a heated conversation, seemingly unaware of his
and Lt. Welsh's approach. Grasping a rope, Ben jumped to the other vessel
to tie them together. He could clearly hear their conversation now, and
hoped it wouldn't escalate further. 

"If you would have kept your hands off the controls, we wouldn't BE
stranded!" Ray was only inches from her face. 

Meg glared at him. "No, we'd just be lost! You couldn't navigate your way
out of a bathtub!" 

Ben turned in time to see them glare at each other, and then scramble
about the boat. To Ben's confusion, he watched as Ray picked up a life
preserver, at the same time Meg picked up... He squinted slightly. Good
Lord! Was that a swordfish? Just as they were about to make contact, Ben
hurried over and stepped between them. 

"Inspector, please!" He implored. 

Meg looked shocked to see him for a moment, and Ben took advantage of the
opportunity to grasp the fish in her hands. 

"Constable, I...uh...didn't hear you approach." She stammered as she
allowed him to take the swordfish. She straightened her clothes as she
faced him, trying to hide her embarrassment at acting inappropriately. It
was not at all becoming an officer of the RCMP. 

Ben glanced over at Ray, and held out his hand. Ray grumbled, but
reluctantly handed over the life preserver. The silence was strained for a
few moments and Ben cleared his throat. 

"We really should be on our way." He said. 

"Of course." Meg agreed, glad for a change of venue. "I'll get my bag."
She then hurried down the stairs. 

 

Meg paced in the small bedroom as much as the space would allow. 'He can
be so infuriating!' She really didn't know how Fraser could stand to be
around him. Meg stood still, closed her eyes and tried to focus on
something calming. She was back in Toronto...sitting in her favorite cafe
on Pearson Ave....sipping a café latte. As the image faded along with her
stress, it was replaced by another. She was safe, cocooned in warmth. She
could feel a heart beating against her back, and an arm draped across her
waist. Meg gasped and her eyes flew open. What on earth possessed her to
think of Vecchio! 

Her breathing was rapid, and a blush crept to her cheeks. Meg shook
herself, trying to rid herself of the memory. 

"Are you alright?" 

Meg whirled around at the sound of the voice to see Ray standing in the
doorway. A concerned expression on his face. How long had he been standing
there? 

"What?!" She snapped, hoping he wouldn't notice her 'flush'. 

Ray walked over to her, and placed a tender hand on her arm. "Are you
sick?" 

Meg saw nothing but concern in his eyes, and the sarcasm from earlier was
missing from his voice. A panic welled in her as she tried to cope with
feelings she was not prepared for. She was a Mountie! Why should the
scrawny Italian in front of her be so disconcerting? This was Ray Vecchio
for goodness sake! The most arrogant, smug and irritating cop in Chicago!
Backing away a step, Meg stuttered. "No..I'm fine." Her voice was icy, and
she almost flinched at her own harshness. 

Ray let his arm drop when she moved from his touch, and shifted his eyes
to his bag on the bed. "Oh, well I just came to get my bag." He motioned
towards it half heartedly. 

Meg took a deep breath and picked up her own. "Well, I wont keep you
then." She replied quickly and left the room. 

 

 

 

 

************** 

Paying the cabbie, I took my bag and nervously headed up the stairs to my
apartment. I was excited to be coming home, but I didn't know what Ben's
reaction would be. 

My hands shook as I unlocked the door and I took a deep breath. Opening
it, I smiled broadly and stepped inside. The apartment was quiet and
sparse. I had totally forgotten all about the movers coming this week. 

I had to admit, I was more than a little disappointed to find the
apartment empty. Taking the milk I had expressed into the kitchen, I put
it in the fridge and listened to the silence. 

Shaking myself out of my mood, I went into the living room to get my bag
and unpack. I was home, and soon Ben and the babies would be home too. I
went into the bedroom to unpack. Wanting to do something special for my
first night back, I found myself in a romantic mood, and decided to make
this an evening Ben wouldn't soon forget! 

 

Lighting the candles, I stood back and looked at my handiwork. The table
was set for two, and I had used the best china. Why not? We had decided
not to take it to the cabin with us, and I wanted to use it one last time.
Everything looked perfect. I had the dinner warming in the oven, and now
for the music. 

Going over to the stereo, I rummaged through the CD's, choosing one
featuring a classical potpourri I knew Ben enjoyed listening to. 

As the music flowed through the apartment, I went into the bedroom to
change. Looking through my dresser, I settled on a eggshell white short
sleeved dress. The skirt, which was made of a few layers of thin cotton
gauze, flowed when I walked. 

Looking at the clock, I couldn't believe it was almost seven thirty! 

Hurrying to the kitchen, I took our dinner out of the over and readied the
plates, then placed them on the table. All I needed now was Ben! 

Picking up the phone, I decided to call the Vecchio's to see if he picked
up the babies yet. I was dismayed when no one answered. It was rare for no
one to be home over there. I called the consulate with the same results.
Maybe everyone went to a movie or something. 

Trying not to let my disappointment get to me, I opened the patio door and
walked out onto the balcony. I rested my hands on the railing, and looked
over the streets. Lights were turning on and dusk was settling in. In my
heart, I knew I shouldn't feel this way, after all, it isn't as if he knew
I was coming home or anything.	

The evenings were getting cooler, and I wrapped my arms around myself,
rubbing them to stave away the goose bumps. Not wanting to catch my death
of cold, I decided to go back inside and put away the dinner. 

"Analise?" 

I stared at Ben, who was standing in the patio's doorway. I hadn't even
heard him come in! He was just looking at me, and for a moment, I thought
maybe I made the wrong decision of coming home. Should I have went to a
hotel and pretended to finish out the week? 

Slowly, Ben closed the distance between us, as he continued to stare,
never taking his eyes away from mine. The look he was giving me was
unnerving. 'He must be really upset.' I thought to myself. 

"I... I'm sorry Ben." I half whispered.  

Ben shook his head slightly as he ran his hands up my arms to my
shoulders, then pulled me to him as a strangled sob escaped his throat. He
held me tightly, and I wrapped my arms around him, wanting to somehow
become one. 

He finally pulled back, and cupped my face with his hand. His lips
descended on mine, brushing feather light against my own before becoming
more demanding. I opened to him and was rewarded by the feel of his tongue
exploring my mouth. My body melted against his, and I closed my eyes,
reveling in the feel of his warmth. When he finally ended the kiss, I was
breathless. 

"I missed you." Ben's voice was hoarse with emotion, and it took two tries
before I could get any sound to come out of my mouth. 

"I missed you too." 

He pulled me to him again, and held me close. I shivered from the cold,
and Ben rubbed his hands against my arms. 

"You're freezing!" He stated. "Come inside." He slid his hand down my arm
to take my hand, but stopped when he encountered the bandage. 

I quickly spoke up "It's nothing. Just some scrapes." 

Ben wrapped his arm around my waist as he ushered me into the living room,
and guiding me to the couch, he sat down with me and recaptured my arm. I
started to pull back when he went to remove the tape, but he stilled my
movements. 

"I'm sorry if I hurt you." Ben again started to remove the tape, slower
this time. 

"I just have a few scrapes Ben, it's nothing to worry about."  

By this time, the bandage was off, and he was examining my arm as if it
were the crown jewels. 

Ben dug into his tunic, and I recognized the jar of salve he used on me
before. 

"No! No way Ben. You are not putting that on me again!" I shook my head no
as I spoke. Ben turned hurt filled eyes on me. 

"I just want to make sure infection doesn't set in." 

He was still looking at me with his best puppy eyes, and I sighed. That
caused Ben to smile. He always knew just how to get me to give in. He
opened the jar and gently rubbed the salve against my skin. I did my best
to hold my breath, but it was no use. The entire apartment reeked with the
smell! 

Once Ben had the bandage back in place, he smiled broadly at me. 

I exhaled loudly, unable to hold my breath any longer. "What?" I asked
upon seeing him grin at me. 

"I love you." Came his simple reply. I couldn't help but smile at him, and
leaned over to give him another kiss. 

Ben held me close to him, as he sank into the pillows on the couch.
Neither of us wanted to let go of the other. 

"What are you doing here?" He asked, and I looked up to face him. 

"I was...uh..well, I was sorta kicked out." I replied, lifting myself off
his chest so we could look at each other better. 

"Kicked out?" 

"I went jogging and missed a head count." I tried to explain. When I
mentioned I went jogging, I heard Ben's quick intake of breath. "I didn't
realize they had this rule about head counts, and they had no choice but
to send me home." 

The worry in Ben's whole demeanor was evident. "Are you alright?" 

"I'm fine Ben. I was missing you and the babies terribly, and the best
thing for me is to be with my family." I stated matter of factly. 

That caused Ben to smile, and he pulled me to him again. Wrapping my arms
around his neck, I closed my eyes and sighed contentedly. This is where I
belonged. With my husband, my babies.... 

I pushed up again and looked at Ben. "Where are the babies?" I asked,
suddenly anxious to see them. 

Ben looked around, a slightly puzzled look on his face. "Maggie must have
taken them to their room." 

I fully sat up now. "Maggie? She's here?" 

"Yes. She decided to come early to spend some time with us before we
leave." 

"Where is she?" I hadn't heard any other noises around the apartment at
all. Ben shrugged. "Perhaps she's in with the babies." He stood and held
his hand out to me. Taking it, I stood and moved towards the hallway, but
didn't get very far. Ben hadn't moved from his spot, and when I looked at
him, he had a gleam of mischief in his eye. 

"Ben, what--?" Pulling me to him, my breath caught in my throat
effectively cutting off my words. Feeling him along the length of my body
as his hands pressed me against him firmly, sent a tingling shudder
through me. A gasp escaped my parted lips and Ben untangled his one hand
from my hair, bringing it around to pull my face closer to his. When he
leaned down to kiss me, an electric shock ran through my body. Had he not
been supporting me with his strong arms, I would have certainly fallen. 

Ben pulled back, brushing his lips against mine one last time, and I
opened my eyes to look at him. He was smiling, and I couldn't help but
smile back. 

"What was that for?" I whispered, still a little awe struck. 

He shook his head slightly. "I couldn't resist."  

I didn't want to move anywhere now, but Ben reluctantly let go, and took
my hands. "Let's check on the babies." 

Nodding, I walked with him not trusting myself to speak. Ben slowly opened
the nursery door. He let me enter first, and I let my eyes adjust to the
dim room. Sure enough, Maggie was curled up in her bedroll, with Dief
laying beside her. He lifted his head when we walked in, and thumped his
tail on the carpet. I leaned over and scratched him behind the ears, and
then complied when he rolled on his back so I could rub his stomach. 

I felt Ben standing close behind me, and stood. Dief had decided to go
back to sleep, and curled closer to Maggie. Walking over to Jacinda's
crib, I felt the tears spring to my eyes as I looked down at her. Gently,
I touched her hair, moving my hand in a rhythmically soothing motion, then
covered her with the blanket. She didn't even stir, and I knew she
wouldn't even know I was home until tomorrow morning. Going over to
Robert's crib, I tucked him in and stood just stood there. I didn't want
to leave the room. 

Ben wrapped his arms around me from behind, and I leaned into his warmth.
He didn't pressure me to leave the room, just stood with me, rocking ever
so slightly. As always, he was there for me. When he started to place
little kisses on my neck, I turned in his arms. 

Leaning close to his ear, I whispered. "Let's go in the living room." 

He nodded and took my hand again, as we walked out, quietly shutting the
door behind us. 

"I made dinner." I said. "But it's probably cold by now." 

I guided him to the table, and watched as Ben took in the candles, the
china, all of it. 

"I'm sure it will be fine." He assured me. 

"Just the same...." I said and picked up the plates. It was then that I
realized I would really miss the microwave. 

Ben watched as I heated the plates, and took out the iced tea. Turning, I
wasn't surprised to see him staring at me, but the intensity of his gaze
was something I wasn't expecting. The microwave beeped, and I smiled at
Ben.  

"Will you get those for me? My hands are full." I was determined to have a
quiet dinner with him. 

"Of course." He quickly complied, and soon we were settled at the table.
Ben didn't realize I noticed him glancing at me while I ate. I knew he
would still be concerned about my food intake, and made a point of
deliberately eating everything. By the end of dinner, he seemed more
relaxed, and we quickly rinsed the dishes in the sink before heading to
bed. 

I watched as Ben took off his sambrown and tunic, and then turned to get
my pajama's out. 

"Analise?" 

I stopped what I was doing, and looked at Ben. He fidgeted for a moment,
then spoke. 

"I want to show you something." 

I watched as he undid the belt on his trousers, and drop his pants. He
didn't meet my gaze as he stepped out of them, and removed his boxers. Ben
was standing in front of me stark naked, and I didn't know what to say or
do. Certainly he wasn't 'showing' himself to me, was he? Not wanting to
make a mistake and intrude on his privacy, I quickly looked away. 

"Analise, please, I want you to look at me." 

My eyes flew back to his face at his words, and I held my breath. 

"It's all right. I want you to see." He continued. 

Slowly, I walked over to him, and looked down. Relief washed over me, and
I felt my shoulders slump. He looked healed. Wanting to get closer, but
not knowing how far Ben wanted me to go, gave him a questioning look. He
guided me over to the bed, and sat on the edge. Taking my hand, he placed
it on his thigh, and I was happy to see a 'response' from him. 

((((((((( 

I looked into Ben's eyes, and when he nodded, I slowly moved my hand up
the inside of his thigh, feeling his body tense as I neared my goal. 

Cupping his testicles gently, I used my other hand to spread his legs
further. I could feel his body tense as I knelt in front of him. Softly, I
fingered what remained of the bruises as I watched him, to make sure he
was OK with my ministrations. 

I then carefully placed my hands on the base of him, and caressed him
along the length of his shaft. I smiled as his member strained against my
touch, and looked up when a low moan escaped him. His eyes were closed and
every once in a while his tongue would dart out across his lips. 

Leaning forward, I ran my tongue across the tip of his erection. Ben
jumped and looked down at me as he pushed me back. I bit my lip as I
watched him. How stupid could I possibly be? I berated myself. Of course
he wouldn't be ready for that! 

"I'm sorry." I whispered, but I knew it was too late. Ben was just sitting
there, staring at me wide-eyed. Standing, I went over to my dresser and
took out my flannel pajama's. I knew he would want a moment to himself. I
fumbled with the buttons on the front of my dress, my hands were shaking
that bad. I took longer than I usually would to change and when I turned
back, Ben was still sitting where he had been, looking at the floor. 

I went back over to him and cupped his chin, lifting it, so his eyes could
meet mine. A pain went through me as I saw confusion on his face. 

"I didn't mean to pressure you Ben." I said softly. "I am sorry. Whenever
you want me, whenever you're ready, I'll be here for you." Running my
fingers through his hair, I gave him a sad smile, then went over to his
dresser. I took out a pair of boxers, and held them out for him. He didn't
move so I physically placed his legs in them and pulled them up as far as
I could. 

"Ben, I need you to stand up now." I said, and gently pulled his arm. He
stood without resistance and I finished pulling them in place. 

I moved to pull the covers back on the bed, but a hand on my arm stopped
me. Turning quickly, I moved into Ben's arms, and held him close as he
buried his head in my neck. 

"Sshhh... It's alright." I whispered as I rubbed his back, not unlike with
the babies. I still couldn't believe that I was so stupid! Here he was,
finally letting me not only see him, but also touch him, and I go and ruin
it. It had been so long though! And all I was thinking of was how he was
right there in front of me... 

I could still feel his need through the thin material, and could only
imagine the ghosts that were haunting him right now.  

"Come on" I whispered as I pulled back, "let's go to bed." I guided Ben to
his side of the bed, and after he was comfortable, turned out the lights
and climbed in myself. Just like before I left for the clinic, I moved
closer to the edge of the bed so Ben wouldn't think I was pressuring him.
I turned my back to him, and tried to relax. 

The bed moved, and after a few minutes, I felt Ben's arm around my waist.
He pulled me gently to him, tucking my back snugly against his chest. I
rubbed the arm around my waist and laced his fingers with mine. After a
few minutes, I could feel his 'need' pulsating against my backside, and
tried my best to ignore it. It wasn't long before I could hear even deep
breaths from behind me. At least I was home. I knew eventually that
whatever demons were still chasing Ben, he would in his own time defeat
them. 

******** 

I woke to the sounds of stifled giggles, and groggily opened my one eye
part way. Ben and Maggie were smiling down at me, each holding a very
excited baby. I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, as I gave Ben a
smile that conveyed the love I felt for him.  

"Someone was anxious to see you today." Ben said as he handed Robert to
me. Maggie quickly followed suit. 

"We didn't feed them. We thought you would like to do the honors." Maggie
added with a big smile. 

"Thank you." I beamed as I held them close to me. 

"I'll give the four of you some privacy." She added as I started to undo
the buttons on my pajama top. 

"Thank you Maggie." Ben smiled at her, then turned his attention back to
me. He helped me get settled with the babies, placing a pillow under each
of my arms, and another at my back. When he was satisfied that I was
comfortable, he sat beside me on the edge of the bed. After a few moments,
he sighed. 

"Tell me." I knew something was on his mind. 

"I just missed having my family together."  

I smiled at that, and Ben crawled over me to sit beside me. His one hand
gently massaged the back of my neck, while his other caressed Jacinda's
head. When I felt his breath on my cheek, I turned my head to see Ben only
inches from me. He kissed me, and rested his head against mine. 

"I'm sorry for my reaction last night. It was uncalled for." He spoke
softly. 

"I understand Ben. Believe me I do." 

"Thank you." 

After a few minutes of silently enjoying our family, I spoke. "I take it
you are going to work today?" I asked, looking at his uniform. 

"I wish I didn't have to. We arrested the people responsible for the lake
crimes yesterday, it turns out, they were working with at least one of the
employees of the rental shops. Most of today will be spent tracking down
any other accomplices they may have had, try to ascertain where the stolen
property is--" 

"Police stuff." I cut in, effectively cutting him off. 

"Precisely."  

"Are you going to be at the consulate?" 

"Most likely, I will be at the 27th. At least for the better part of the
day." 

"Maybe we can get together for lunch then. I can come down." I offered,
and smiled when Ben's face lit up. 

"I couldn't think of anything else I'd rather do." 

"It's settled then." I stated, and leaned over to kiss him. Apparently,
the movement shifted the babies positions, and two protesting cries rang
out. Straightening, we watched as they latched on again, pleased with
themselves so it seemed. 

Maggie knocked on the door and stuck her head in. "I don't mean to
interrupt, but if we don't get going, we'll be late." 

Ben looked at his watch. "Oh dear! I totally lost track of the time. I'll
be right out." He said to Maggie. Turning to me, Ben gave me a sad smile.
He didn't want to leave and we both knew it.  

"Duty calls" I quipped. 

"Did I tell you how much I love you today?" 

I exaggeratedly furrowed my face in concentration, as if trying to
remember. "I don't believe you have Constable." 

He gave a small chuckle. "I love you." 

"I love you more." I replied mischievously. 

"Prove it."  

Leaning over as far as I dared, I kissed him deeply. My tongue demanded
entrance, and Ben willingly obliged. He was the one to finally pull back. 

"I believe you." 

"Good." I watched as Ben stood and straightened his uniform. "Is twelve
all right for lunch?" I asked. 

"Perfect." He leaned over and gave Robert and JC a kiss before leaving. 

"Bye Maggie!" I called down the hall, and heard her reply right before the
front door closed. 

I started to burp the babies, and watched as Dief leisurely trotted down
the hallway and jumped up on the bed. 

"So you decided to stay with me today, eh boy?"  

He gave a short raspy bark in reply and thumped his tail against the bed.
"All right, lets get these two changed, then some breakfast." 

Dief was off the bed and out the door before I had even stood up. 

 

************ 

I held up two of my favorite blouses, deciding whether or not to take
them. There really was no place for the thin material in the harsh climate
of the north, but I didn't want to leave them behind. Glancing at the four
suitcases on the bed, three large, and one small, I knew I had already
packed more than I should have. Most of the babies supplies were already
sent, along with some of my clothes and most of Ben's. It still amazed me
how he could fit all of his 'personal' belongings into the two trunks he
had. The only thing he was taking with us was his backpack. I knew I
should try to minimize what I was taking, so I placed both back in the
closet. Maggie had already agreed to keep the apartment, and she was the
one who suggested us keeping the things we weren't taking in the nursery
closet. It was logical she said, and we wouldn't have to pay a storage
fee. She was planning on turning that room into an office. 

For an instant, a flutter of panic coursed through me. This was really it!
In three days, we would be gone. All our friends, all of civilization... I
took a few deep breaths to calm my rapidly beating heart. 'Everything
would work out.' I assured myself. It had to. This is what we both wanted.


I heard the clinking of ice, and turned to see Frannie carrying a tray
with drinks for us. I quickly cleared a spot on the dresser for the tray. 


"Still at it?" She asked. I had been in here for the past two hours, at
least. 

"Yep. It's so hard." I didn't know if I was talking about the packing, or
the leaving. 

"If you are having second thoughts, now is the time to let Fraser know.
Not after you're up there." 

I nodded and placed some more clothes in the suitcase. Frannie busied
herself by looking around the room, every once in a while picking up a
knick knack. Her back was to me, when she spoke. 

"This is nice, your parents?" She turned and I focused in on the small
silver frame in her hands. Dropping the clothes on the bed, I walked over
and took it from her. "Yeah. That was taken when I was about two. They
were at an amusement park. My aunt took the picture." I studied the old
colored photo, faded by age. 

I placed it in an already overflowing suitcase, and sat on the flap while
Frannie zipped and locked it. 

"You forgot these." She said, holding up a pair of jeans. The other two
large cases on the bed were full, so she started to open the smaller one. 

"Wait!" I said and moved to take it from her. When I lifted it off the
bed, the contents of the case spilled out onto the floor. Frannie stared
at the mess for a few seconds, then cracked up laughing as I turned bright
red. 

Knowing I was in for some serious teasing, I patiently waited for her to
compose herself. She was laughing so hard, she slunk to the ground, and
wiped a tear from her eye. 

The 'contents' of the suitcase, all Lucky 13's were strewn about her. She
had finally composed herself enough to speak. 

"What did you do? Buy stock in the company?" 

I rolled my eyes at her as I started scooping the condoms from the floor.
"I started collecting them when we first decided to move to the cabin." I
explained. "I didn't want to take the pill or anything while I nurse the
twins, and hey, that cabin is in the middle of nowhere!" 

"Making sure you have enough 'supplies' on hand right?" She said and
started laughing again. "If Fraser sees this, he's gonna have a heart
attack!" 

Frannie helped me scoop the condoms back up. "How many are in here? It
looks like hundreds!" 

I blushed deeper as I shrugged. "I wanted to be prepared." I looked up at
her then, and I knew we were both thinking the same thing. We blurted out
at the same time... 

"Proper preparation prevents poor performance!" Then both of us cracked up
laughing. When I was finally able to speak, I looked at her. 

"I don't know how many times I have heard Ben say that!" 

She nodded as she looked at the case. "Well, I doubt I'll ever be able to
hear that again, without thinking these!" She held up a few of the
packages as an example. "He is in for one hell of a workout!" She
remarked.  

I frowned and shut the lid on the case, placing it back on the bed. 

"Analise, what's wrong?" She asked, sensing the change in mood. 

"It's nothing." I took the pants from here, and managed to stuff them in
one of the other cases. 

"Don't tell me nothing, I know when something is something, and this is a
something." She wagged a finger at me as she spoke. 

Sighing, I sat on the edge of the bed, and looked up at her. "We haven't
'done' anything since Victoria took Robert." I confessed, then watched as
my words sunk in. Frannie's eyes grew wide. 

"Nothing?" She asked incredulous. 

I nodded and I could tell she was having a hard time comprehending this. 

"As in" she made a waving in a circular motion hand gesture. "*nothing*?" 

"Not a single thing." I confirmed. 

She sat on the bed beside me, shell shocked. "Why?" 

"You know Victoria 'hurt' Ben right?" I said as I picked at the comforter
on the bed. It was common knowledge Ben had been dealt a blow to the head
by her, but I didn't know how much Ray told her about what else that
happened. 

"Yeah" she said slowly, waiting for the point I was going to make. 

"Well, she...uh...did more than the bruise on his face." I couldn't look
at her as I spoke, but felt her hand cover mine, giving it a light
squeeze. 

"I know." She said softly. 

My head jerked up and I looked at her. "How?"  

"Ray told us. He didn't mean to" she quickly assured me "but we knew
something wasn't right between the two of you. It kinda slipped out." 

"Does everyone know?" I asked, not wanting to believe they kept this from
us. 

"Not everyone. Just the family." 

I breathed a sigh of relief. If Ben knew the guys at the station knew... I
didn't even want to think about that. 

"Anyway, we have...started.. things a few times, but he stops it before we
can get to the 'act'." I shrugged. "I know he just needs time, but it's
hard. You know?" 

"I'm sure he'll come around Analise." She said to comfort me, then a
wicked grin crossed her face "I mean, after all, he is a *mountie*." 

I laughed and gave her a nudge. "You are evil!" 

"Yes I am" she said with pride. "So where is Fraser anyway? I thought he'd
be here." 

"He said he wanted to go for a walk. That was a couple of hours ago
though." I looked at the clock as I spoke. 

"You know him, he's probably out helping someone, or something." 

"Yeah."  

'It was Sunday though', I thought to myself, and he normally spends the
day with us. 

"If he isn't back soon, we'll send my brother after him, ok?" 

"Deal." 

We finished packing, and hauled the cases into the corner. "Ray is going
to just *love* helping to carry these to the Riv!" I laughed as we
manhandled the large cases. 

********** 

Stan walked up to the dilapidated building, carefully watching the thugs
standing in front. This wasn't the first time he had been here. Being a
Detective, he was often brought to the wrong side of Chicago. Remembering
the last time he was here, with Fraser, didn't help him quell the uneasy
feeling building the pit of his stomach. The only reason he even agreed to
come down, was the fact that the caller said he had information about
Fraser. 

The gang of five standing in front of the entrance regarded him loosely,
but as he neared, the pretense was gone. All were staring at him openly,
and none of them looked friendly. Two wore head sets, and Stan hardened
his face. 'Never show fear' he repeated to himself. 

"Looks like someone is lost." The one punk said as he circled behind Ray,
quickly followed by another. 

"I got an appointment. Tell yer boss I'm here to see him." Stan glared at
the large man in front of him, and waited while he spoke into the headset.
After a moment, he moved out of the way so Stan could enter. 

Stan looked around the run down area. The gym was old and most of the
equipment had seen better days. Two men were boxing in a rink in the
center of the room, and others were scattered about the area practicing.
Stan walked further into the gym, looking for the person in charge. He
didn't have long to wait, when a man wearing a three piece charcoal gray
suit sauntered up to him. 

"Long time no see Detective. Glad you could come so...quickly." The man
smiled. He was flanked by two taller men, most likely his body guards Stan
noted. "What? Surprised to see me out?" He added, chuckling softly. 

"Anyone who sells poison to children should be locked up. Next time I
arrest you, it will be a long time before you look out a window without
bars on it...Lou." Stan moved closer as he spoke, every intention of
cutting off his personal space. The larger of the two men moved forward
also, and Stan backed off...for now. 

The man laughed again." It's Mr. Robbins to you." 

"In your dreams." Stan quipped back. "I got better things to do with my
time. Why'd ya call me down here?" Stan never was a patient man, and
Robbins was getting on his last nerve. "You said something about the
Mountie." 

"A few years ago he did something...and I thought I would pay him back." 

Stan grabbed Robbins collar roughly "What did you do to him?" He demanded.
The two men wrestled Stan off of the drug lord.  

"Nothing. He did me a favor. That's why I called you down here." He
straightened his suit as he spoke. 

"I don't get it." Stan was confused. Fraser did something for a drug lord?


"Doesn't matter. Let's just say I liked the Mounties style. Anyway, he
showed up here this morning, out of the blue. Almost didn't recognize him
at first, might not of if he hadn't been wearing that hat of his." 

"Fraser's here?" 

Lou nodded. "As you can see, that places a...damper on my business." 

"What business would that be?" Stan asked, knowing full well Robbins was
dealing drugs out of the gym. They almost nailed him the last time too.
Even before he showed up in Chicago, Ray was trying to nail this guy. 

Lou just smiled and continued. "I am trying to repay a favor here.
Something didn't seem quite right with him. I don't know what it is. He
went in the ring with three of my best men, two had to go to the
hospital." 

Stan couldn't believe what he was hearing. Fraser? "Where's he now?"
Concern for his friend evident. 

"In the back, working over a bag. I'm giving you an hour to get him out of
here." Lou said, then watched as Stan made his way into the back room. 

************ 

Ben ignored the pain in his hands that shot through his body, every time
he made contact with the bag. He shook with effort as he pummeled the
sack. Each swing bringing a different image to his mind as he pounded the
bag, throwing his full being into the task. Ben reviewed in his mind
everything he could about Victoria. 

The days it took him to track her up the pass, as he kept a leery eye on
the impending storm. Ben remembered following her trail, nothing how her
steps became more staggered as the elements started to take their toll.
When the first flurries started to fall, Ben made the grave decision to
leave his pack behind to gain speed. Time was of the essence. He tied his
pack to the branches of an evergreen as far up as he could reach, hoping
to keep animals from it. He knew the more tenacious ones wouldn't be
deterred and hoped for the best as he tore a strip of red material from
the lining of his coat and tied it to an outer branch. It would act as a
marker against the stark white snow. 

 

Ben let out a guttural cry as he bruised fists made contact with the bag.
She was huddled in a crag, almost totally covered with snow. Thinking the
elements had already claimed it's latest victim, Ben ignored his own
hands, raw with the sting of hypothermia as he dug her out of the snowy
grave. Ever since she came back into his life, he regretted that decision.


The bag swung wildly as Ben continued his attack. His thoughts focusing on
the cabin and what Victoria did to him. Why? Why him? Why didn't he stop
her? The bag stopped moving, and Ben attached it with renewed vigor. A
vision of Analise invaded his thoughts. Everything she had been through
because of him, the way she pushed ahead, regardless of the personal
sacrifices she made. All for him.  

He wanted to take her in his arms and make love to her. Bury himself in
her warmth and take her over the edge of ecstasy over and over. 

The next image was of Victoria and Analise side by side. He was unaware of
the tears that streamed down his face as Analise's screams, when she
discovered their baby missing, pierced his memory. He knew that sound
would haunt him the rest of his life, and he would do everything in his
power to make sure she knew only happiness. 

Ben clung to the bag exhausted, as sobs racked his body. The last thought
that came unbidden to him, was of the night he returned home to find
Analise on the balcony, looking like an angel. How could he have pushed
her away like he did? Certainly she had every reason to hate him, but she
simply held him.  

He was unaware of the arm that wrapped around his shoulder, offering
silent support. 

********** 

Stan took one last look over his shoulder, to make sure no one was
following him. He could hear muffled sounds coming from the room and
carefully opened the door. He wasn't prepared for the sight before him. 

Ben was the only one in the smaller weight room, and he was hitting the
heavy bag like a madman. Sweat was dripping from him, his t-shirt was
soaked. 

"Fraser." Stan spoke, trying to get his friends attention. It fell on deaf
ears. Moving closer, he tried again. 

"Fraser!" He yelled, still no response.  

Robbins said he had been there since this morning, he had to have been
exhausted by now. Moving even closer, Stan could now see the raw emotions
on the normally stoic Mountie's face: rage, fear, regret. The bag was
swinging wildly and Stan grabbed it, leaning his body weight into the
thick material to steady it. He knew by tomorrow he would have some good
bruises to show for his efforts. Ben let out a primal cry and attacked the
bag as if it were...something. Stan didn't know what to compare it with.
The shock of seeing Fraser in a state such as this, would have normally
unnerved him, but he knew he needed to be strong. When Fraser finally
stopped hitting the bag, and slumped against it as he cried out, Stan let
go rubbing his own shoulder, then wrapped his arm around his friend. 

They stood like that, for how long Stan didn't know, but he wasn't leaving
Fraser. When all was quiet, and Ben's shaking wasn't as prominent, he
decided to try speaking again. 

"Fraser?"  

Ever so slowly, Ben looked up. His face was pale, eyes unfocused. Slowly,
realization dawned on him. 

"Stan?" Ben asked shakily. 

"Yeah buddy, its me. How you doing?" He asked. 

"Not too well." Ben admitted. "How..how long have you been here?" He
thought to ask. 

"Not long. You wanna talk about...anything?" Stan was suddenly at a loss
for words. 

Ben's energy was depleted, and his legs started to buckle. Sensing his
friends distress, Stan quickly pulled one of Ben's arms around his neck,
the other around his waist, and supported him as they walked over to a
nearby bench against a wall. 

Ben leaned back, and closed his eyes. 

"I've been a fool." He whispered. 

Stan studied him, thinking he should call Ray or something. This was very
unFraser like behavior. 

"How's that?" Stan tried to keep his voice calm. 

"All this time. I still let her ruin my life." Ben shook his head as he
spoke, keeping his eyes closed. 

Stan now knew he was talking about Victoria. What was it about her that
was making him lose it though? "Er...ya know, you'd probably feel better
if we got something to eat." 

Ben started laughing, a deep disparaging laugh.  

"What's so funny?" Stan asked, getting a little annoyed at not being able
to keep up with Ben's changing moods. 

"No more. She's gone Stan. I have rid myself of everything." 

"Uh..good. That's that's good Fraser." 

Ben looked down at his hands, as if noticing them for the first time. The
tape he had wrapped around them was torn, his knuckles bleeding and raw.
Flexing his fingers, he knew they were going to be bruised. Luckily, the
tape did protect them from most of the beating he gave them. 

"Come on, lets get you cleaned up before Analise sees you like this." Stan
was trying to get Ben to cooperate. At the mention of Analise, Ben looked
up at Stan. 

In all seriousness he replied. "I love her Stan." 

Stan placed his hand under Fraser's elbow. "I guess that's why you married
her." 

Ben stood and Stan led him towards the locker room. "You're a mess." 

"Thank you Stan." 

"Yer welcome." 

****** 

Ben stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. Stan
was waiting for him by the locker with a small first aid kit. 

"Feeling better?" He asked, sensing the worst was over for his friend. He
seemed at peace. 

"One hundred percent." Ben replied, as he turned slightly from Stan, dried
himself, and slipped on his boxers, then jeans. 

When he reached for his t-shirt, Stan spoke up. "You ain't gonna put that
back on, are you?" He asked, thinking not even he would wear something
that bad. 

Ben looked at the offending item in his hands.	

"I suppose it has seen better days." He agreed, and reached for his
flannel shirt instead. After putting on his socks, and lacing his boots,
Ben strapped his father's watch back on his wrist. 

"Let me have a look at your hands." 

Ben studied them himself. It wasn't as bad as he originally thought it
would be. Yes, there was some bruising and swelling on both hands, but the
bleeding was superficial for the most part, and had stopped in the shower.
"Nothing a little salve can't cure." Ben then proceeded to fish out the
little jar from one of his pockets, and apply it to the backs of his
hands. 

"Geez Frase' that stuff stinks." Stan had a way of saying the obvious. 

"Yes it does. The healing properties in the salve far outweigh the
annoyance with the slight odor." 

"Yeah whatever, you ready to go?" 

Ben reached for his leather jacket, then his stetson. "Yes." 

As they walked out of the locker room, into the main gym area, all
activity stopped. Stan smirked, it was if they were afraid of Fraser. Well
good if they were. They were almost at the front door, when Ben turned
around. 

"Come on Fraser." Stan urged. 

"Just a moment Stan." He looked around the room, and spying Robbins near
the office door, walked towards him. The two bodyguards blocked him when
he was about three feet away. After they saw how he took out three of the
best boxers they had, no one was taking a chance. 

"I wanted to thank you for the use of your facilities." Ben gave the man a
small smile.  

"We're always willing to help our police friends." Lou said, looking at
Stan as he spoke. Stan owed him, and they both knew it. 

"Yes, well Thank you kindly." He placed his battered fingers on his
stetson, and nodded slightly. 

 

 

Ben looked out the window as he and Stan drove down the busy Chicago
streets. It was the first time since everything started with Victoria that
Ben was able to see things clearly. He chastised himself for wasting so
much time dwelling on the past. For the first time in weeks Ben felt in
control of his life. 

"You're awfully quiet." Stan remarked, hoping that Ben wasn't reverting
back into the mood he was in earlier. 

Ben's lips turned up in the corner. "Am I? I hadn't noticed." 

 

************ 

I was sitting on the sofa playing with Robert when the unmistakable sound
of a key in a lock caught my attention. I was hoping it was Ben. Dief
trotted in followed closely by Maggie. 

"Hello." She greeted, with a big smile on her face. 

"Hi." She had taken Dief for a walk earlier. "You seem to be in a good
mood." 

"I am. I found a group of people who play chess in the park. Apparently
they are there on an almost daily basis. Some of them are quite good. I
ended up playing four games!" Maggie replied. 

She was really excited about it, and I couldn't help but think of how much
she reminded me of Ben. They were definitely cut from the same cloth! 

I watched as she went into the kitchen, and came back with a bottle of
water. "They even knew Ben. When I told them he was leaving for the
Territories, they were sad to hear it, but joked of how I would be taking
his place." 

I smiled as she went on. "Are you excited about staying here?" I asked. 

That caused her to pause. "Well, I am looking forward to the new
challenges at the Consulate, although Ben says there's little actual
police work to be had. Partnering with Stan and Ray should give me enough
work to keep my skills honed." 

"That's all good and everything, but isn't there anything else you are
looking forward to?" I pushed. 

Blushing, she knew just what I was eluding to. "I would like to get to
know Stan better... I haven't met anyone as wild and unpredictable like
him since Casey." She looked down at her bottle as she spoke. Taking a
deep breath she continued. "Anyway, we decided to take things slow. Make
sure this is what we both want." 

"I can certainly understand that." I agreed, remembering all too well how
'quick' the relationship progressed between Ben and myself. Pregnancy will
do that. 

"These are the two I am going to miss the most though" Maggie said as she
went over to Jacinda's carrier and picked her up. "They have already
gotten so big since the last time I saw them." 

"We'll send lots of pictures." 

"You better." She agreed, then laughed as JC stuck her fingers in her
mouth. They were at that age where everything that moved was fascinating
to them. "Where's Ben?" She asked, once she was able to find something
else to entertain Jacinda. 

"He hasn't come back yet." I couldn't help glancing at the clock. It was
almost three in the afternoon. She must have sensed my discomfort. 

"How long has he been gone?" Maggie had left early this morning, and Ben
was still here then. 

"Since nine. I can't help but worry about him." I admitted. 

"He knows how to take care of himself, Analise. Don't worry, I'm sure
he'll be home soon." 

No sooner had she said that, did the door open again. To my relief, in
walked Ben and Stan, which caused both Maggie and myself to break into
huge smiles. I walked over to Ben with Robert still in my arms, and gave
him a kiss. He wrapped his arms around me, deepening the kiss before
pulling back. 

"I missed you." I said stating the obvious. 

"And I, you." Robert managed to grab hold of Ben's ear, and was painfully
pulling it towards him, trying to get it in his mouth. I laughed as I help
Ben disengage the strong little hand, then Ben took him from me, lifting
him in the air before giving him a kiss. That's when I noticed them. 

"What happened to your hands?" My mouth dropped open, and Ben had to shift
Robert's weight to his one arm, since I had commandeered the other to get
a better look at his hands. They were swollen, and somewhat bruised, plus
he had cuts on them. I looked back to Ben's face, eyebrows raised. I was
going to get an answer. 

"I ...well...I ..." He started. 

"You what?" I impatiently asked. 

"You know, it isn't very polite to interrupt when someone is speaking. It
can make them lose all train of thought. I remember once in Tuktoyuktuk a
visiting clergyman interrupted--" 

"Nice try Ben. Now what happened to your hands?" He wasn't going to change
the subject that fast. 

Ben stared at me for a moment "I was boxing." 

"Boxing?" I asked, then looked at Stan to see if he was telling me the
truth. What was I thinking, of course he was telling me the truth. Why was
he boxing, though? 

"Yep, he was boxing alright." Stan supplied, backing him up. 

"I see, and just *why* were you boxing?" I pressed. 

Ben's eyes grew wide as he looked at me, then past me to the balcony. "Oh
look! Is that a Gallinaceous bird? I haven't seen one of those since I was
at Beaverhill lake in Alberta!" He made his way to the balcony pointing to
something only he could see, trying to get Robert interested too.  

Knowing he wasn't going to answer the question, at least not right now, I
sighed in frustration and went into the kitchen. Taking a dish towel, I
placed it on the counter, then filled it with ice. After wrapping it into
a makeshift bandage, I sought out Ben. He was no longer on the balcony,
and Maggie and Stan had taken Robert from him. 

"Why don't we take these guys into the other room?" Stan suggested, as he
and Maggie left us alone. 

"Good idea Stan." She agreed. We heard the nursery door close, and I
looked at Ben, then sat down on the sofa. It wasn't long before he joined
me. He looked down at the towel in my hand. 

"Is that for me?" He asked.  

I nodded, and positioned his hands so both could benefit from the ice. He
tensed when the cold towel was applied, but didn't object. 

"It looks like you were boxing pretty hard." I observed. 

"I didn't realize it at the time."  

I looked in Ben's eyes, and even though he didn't want to tell me what was
going on, I could sense a peace inside him. Something was different. 

"I won't push for answers. If you want to tell me, I'll listen." I said,
even though it was killing me not knowing! Maybe later Stan would tell me.


"Thank you."  

The rest of the evening went by quietly. Stan stayed for dinner, he and
Maggie, along with Ben, myself and the babies all took a walk after
afterwards. It was a beautiful evening, the air held the scent of fall, a
reminder that our time here was through. We only had two days before it
was time for us to leave. I knew we would miss everyone terribly, but
something about the cabin was calling me. It was if I *had* to go.  

I thought all these things over as we readied the babies for bed. JC had
already fallen asleep, and Robert wasn't too far behind. Ben was walking
him around the quiet nursery, rubbing his back, and humming a nameless
tune under his breath. Although the room was dark, the only light coming
from the nightlite, I could see Ben stare intently at me. Of course, when
he noticed I was looking, he would quickly focus on something else. 

Even Dief seemed to sense the change that was about to happen. He had more
energy, and more than once I caught him trying to pilfer chocolate from
unsuspecting people! It was as if he was a condemned man, trying to get
his last meal. Little did he know it, and I was not about to mention it to
Ben, but I had packed a 'supply' of milkduds for the wolf. After all, to
go cold turkey would be sinful. 

Lost in musings as I was, I did realize Ben had been successful in his
task, and now squatted in front of me, his hand resting lightly on mine. I
smiled at him, embarrassed. 

"Ready for bed?" I asked, knowing he was. 

He stood and held his hand out to me, which I took. Our new nightly
routine started out as usual, Ben went to his side of the room to undress,
and I took out my pajama's. Before I could change, Ben's voice carried
across to me. 

"Analise?" 

"Hhmm?" I replied distractedly as I lifted my shirt over my head, and
undid my bra. I was starting on my pants, and when there was no immediate
answer, I looked over at Ben. 

He was staring at me, and then ran a finger across his eyebrow. 

"Did you want something?" I asked, noticing he seemed to be acting odd. 

"No...well, yes." 

I finished slipping out of my pants, and reached for my pajama's. Ben came
over and took them out of my hand. 

"I don't think you'll need these." He explained at my questioning look.
Shrugging, he continued. "Unless, that is, you want to wear them. I just
thought that...well..." 

Smiling, I decided to save him the trouble of finishing, and took the
pajama's back, purposely putting them back in my dresser. 

"I don't think I'll need them either."	

Ben was only wearing his boxers, and I reached up, wrapping my arms around
his neck, kissing him lightly on the lips. Part of my mind was on the
kiss, but the other part was definitely thinking how good he felt. Every
inch of bare skin that was pressed against mine felt like silky warmth.
Add that to the scent that was uniquely Ben, and I felt as if I was in
sensory overload. Knowing I should pull back, I reluctantly broke the kiss
off, and stared at him as I caught my breath. I watched as his eyes
trailed down to my chest, and back up. 

"I... I think we should..." I started to say before I lost my train of
thought. 

"Go to bed?" Ben finished for me. The way he said it sent a message
straight to my core, and I felt my heart race again. I didn't trust myself
to speak, so I simply nodded my reply. 

"Understood." 

We climbed into bed, and I laid there, looking up at the ceiling while Ben
settled himself. My light was still on, and being the gentleman that he
was, Ben reached over me to turn it off. His torso was almost completely
on top of mine, and his one leg settled between mine. It seemed to take
longer than I remembered to turn out the light, and when Ben finally did
accomplish the task, he rested himself up against me, instead of moving
back to his side. 

Normally, I would love for him to do that, but knowing that he wasn't
ready for 'anything' made it very difficult for me. I was trying not to
fidget, with wanting to reach over and feel every part of him. After a few
minutes, Ben rolled onto his back, and lifted me onto his chest. His hands
came around and rubbed small circles on my back, lulling me into a hazy
state of arousal and dreams. I fell asleep to the sound of Ben's heart
beating steady against my cheek. 

************* 

Waking in the pre dawn hours of the morning, I snuggled closer to Ben as I
listened to his deep rhythmic breathing. A quick glance at the clock
showed it was only 5:25 am. Ben would be waking soon. 

Deciding to surprise him, I quietly got out of bed, slipped on my robe,
and made my way into the kitchen. I turned on the light and leaned against
the counter letting my eyes adjust. 

Opening the fridge, I looked at my choices. It was an easy decision.
Pulling out eggs, green peppers, onions, mushrooms and tomatoes, I was
going to make him an omelet. I hummed to myself as I peeled and sliced a
few kiwi's to go with it. It wasn't long before I had a tray made, and I
looked at the clock. It was almost six, and I knew Ben would be up soon. 

I picked up the tray and carefully made my way back into the bedroom. Ben
was still asleep and he had kicked off the covers like he always does. I
set the tray down and climbed back into bed. 'Now how to wake sleeping
beauty' I mused as I leaned over his hard frame, a hand on each side of
him. I wasn't expecting his arms to fly up and grasp me around my waist. I
tried to stifle a squeal of surprise as his eyes flew open and he flipped
me over, pinning me beneath him. 

He laughed at the look on my face and then smiled at me mischievously 

"You little sneak! How long have you been awake?" I asked as Ben settled
into a comfortable position on top of me. 

"Not long." 

"Why didn't you say something?" I pushed on his chest, but Ben leaned more
of his weight forward, thwarting my efforts. He buried his head in my
neck, and it wasn't long before I felt his lips working their magic. He
trailed feather light kisses and nips along my collarbone, up my neck to
my ear, and across my jawbone to my lips. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck and threaded my hands through his thick
hair while I kissed him. I figured two cold play this game and when he
pulled back, I smiled at him. 

"You know..." I started to say before Ben gave me a quick kiss, cutting
off my words. When he pulled back I continued. "Your breakfast....is
getting....cold." I managed to finish in-between the kisses he was
bestowing on me. 

"Breakfast?" He mumbled against my skin, his breath warm in contrast to
the cool morning air. 

"I made you an omelet." I said in a seductive voice. Though Ben rarely
indulged himself with anything, I knew he had a weak spot for omelets,
especially ones with 'the works'. 

He stopped nuzzling my neck and stared down at me. 

"With green peppers?" His face lit up like a little boy's. 

"Among other things..." I hinted, then watched as Ben inhaled deeply
looking as if he was deep in concentration. 

"Onions, mushrooms, and tomatoes also. Am I correct?" 

"For the most part." I teased. 

That stopped him. "There's more?" 

"Of course. But if you don't want it, I suppose Dief could eat it..." I
said in an offhand voice. 

"No! I want it." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Positive." Ben nodded his head as he spoke, to emphasize his words. 

Smiling, I pushed him off of me. He started to stand and I shook my head
at him. "Just where do you think you're going?" I asked. 

"Into the kitchen." 

"Huh-uh. Get back into bed." I patted his spot and pulled back the covers.
He sighed, but complied sitting up against the bed rail. "Comfortable?" I
asked. 

"Very." 

"Good." I took the tray and placed it on his lap, then straddled his legs.


"What are you doing?" He asked bemused. 

"What good is breakfast in bed, if you don't have someone to feed you?" 

His smile grew big as I picked up the fork. It was about that time we
heard one of the babies start to cry. The fork froze halfway to Ben's
mouth, and sighing I mumbled "it never fails". 

"I'll go." He said but I reached over and placed a hand on his chest.
"Don't you dare. You will sit here and eat breakfast. I'll take care of
the babies." 

"But.." 

"No buts! I mean it." I stood and folded my arms across my chest, not
moving until he settled back down and picked up the fork. 

"I'll be back." 

 

All morning long it felt like grand central station at the apartment. Word
of our impending departure evidently spread, and we were inundated with
well wishers both over the phone and in person. I was grateful that Meg
had given Ben the morning off, and even Stan and Ray showed up after
breakfast. 

Stan was sitting at the counter with his back to it, elbows resting on the
edge as he watched the activity around the room. Ben and I decided to send
a few more things to the cabin, including the babies cribs, and the movers
were busy taking things back and forth. Ray was 'supervising' the movers
rather loudly, and I didn't know how much more tolerant they were going to
be. I had heard more than one threatening comment during the course of the
morning. Maggie and Ben were holding the babies and Ben was pulling double
duty as he tried to keep Dief out of everyone's way.  

I was preparing bottles and trying to get started on lunch when I spotted
one of the movers manhandling one of the suitcases I had packed towards
the door. 

"Wait! That doesn't go." I called out from the kitchen. Either he didn't
hear me over Ray's 'instructions', or he ignored me. 

Grabbing the two bottles, I quickly headed into the other room. As I
passed Ben and Maggie, I tossed each a bottle and practically ran to the
door. I managed to catch him just as he was heading into the hallway. 

"That stays here." I said breathlessly. The man rolled his eyes and
sighed, but headed back in the direction he came. Two other men were
carrying one of the dressers I insisted we'd need, and thanks to Ray, not
doing a very good job of it. 

"To the left! What part of left don't you understand!" Ray hollered as
they bumped into the credenza. 

"My left! Not your left!" 

I was about to retrieve Ray before they lost all control with him, but the
phone rang. Giving one last wary look, I went to answer it. 

"Hello?....yes...wonderful! No, we'll be there. Thank you." I said and
smiled at Ben as I hung up the phone. "That was the pediatrician's office.
They had a cancellation so they can fit us in at three." I had been
worried about the babies missing their shots, and this was a big relief. 

"I'll ask the Inspector if I can leave early." Ben stated and I shook my
head. 

"That isn't necessary, she already gave you this morning off. We'll be
fine." I assured him. 

"If you're sure..." 

"Positive."  

All of a sudden everything was peacefully quiet for the first time all
morning. I was enjoying the moment, knowing it wouldn't last. The shrill
ring of Stan's cell phone broke the silence and I sighed. 

"Hello... Vecchio?" Stan asked confused as he looked around the apartment
and then over at us. "Where are you?" 

Stan then held the phone away from his ear and we could hear indiscernible
yelling. The grin on Stan's face was ear to ear as he hung up the phone
and placed it back in his pocket. 

"You guys are *not* going to believe this!" Stan said as he walked over to
the open door and waited while we joined him. Curiosity was getting the
better of us. 

"Did Ray leave?" Ben asked him, but Stan just laughed and shook his head
in reply. When we neared the elevator, we could hear a dull pounding
further down the hall. Ben handed JC to me and followed Stan, wanting to
be prepared for whatever they might encounter. The pounding was coming
from a door which had a chair wedged under the doorknob. 

Stan let out a whooping laugh as we realized who was behind it. The string
of Italian curses stopped along with the pounding as the occupant heard
us. 

"Come on guys! Let me out!" Came Ray's disembodied voice from behind the
door.  

Maggie and I also started laughing and I could tell Ben was doing his best
not to, even though he couldn't keep his lips from turning up a little
around the edges. 

Stan leaned against the closet door. "So, you need help coming out of the
closet?" 

He asked. 

"Very funny! Not let me outta here!" The pounding started again, and Ben
dutifully removed the chair. The next instant, the door flew open and out
tumbled Ray. 

"Where are they?" Ray demanded as he straightened his clothes. 

"Where are who Ray?" Ben asked. 

Stan opened his mouth but thought better of it when he saw how red Ray's
face was. Ray's voice became real low as he held up a finger. "Not a word,
not a single word." He said as he looked between Stan and Ben. 

"Of course not." Ben agreed. 

"Absolutely." Stan added. 

We watched as he went to the elevator, apparently to go after the movers.
Personally, I was surprised all they did was lock him in the closet! 

"Come on," I managed to say when I caught my breath. "Lets get something
to eat." 

Ben wrapped his arm around my waist as we headed back into the apartment. 

************* 

Ben looked around the small office that had been his for the past few
years. When he went into Meg's office earlier to ask what tasks she needed
him to do, he was pained to see unshed tears in her eyes. He too, would
miss being under her command. She was one of the finest officers he had
the privilege of serving under, and would miss her terribly. 

She had given him some mundane paperwork, visa requests, and he finished
the task quickly and effortlessly. Now he knew what he had to do. Picking
up the cardboard box he brought along, Ben placed it on his desk. The
first thing he picked up was a Cubs paperweight Ray had given him his
first year in Chicago. Ray couldn't believe he had never seen a ball game,
a real ball game. That weekend, Ray took him to his very first one. The
next Monday he showed up a the consulate and gave Ben the paperweight so
he wouldn't forget. 

Ben placed it in the box, and scanned the room. His eyes fell on the a
glint of metal, and he walked over to the far wall, and took down the
ceremonial sword that Meg had given him all those Christmases ago. He
sheathed it, and carefully placed it in the box. Ben then picked up a
photo of Analise, the babies and himself that Ray had insisted on taking
while Analise was still in the hospital after the birth. She didn't want
her picture taken, insisting she looked horrible, but Ray managed to snap
it when she wasn't prepared. In the photo, she was looking directly at
Ben, her eyes full of the love she felt for him, to this day he never
thought she looked more beautiful. 

After adding a few more choice items, he opened his desk drawer and
stopped short. He had all but forgotten about the vanilla folder. He
picked up the file he knew contained the information from Victoria's
autopsy and tried to decide what to do with it. He had meant to read it
numerous times, but something always came up. 'No', he thought to himself,
'I simply lost my nerve' he admitted. Not knowing what would be revealed
if he did read it, he hesitated. What was so important to him a few weeks
ago, no longer seemed to matter. She was gone and could no longer harm
him, Analise or their children.  

With purposeful strides, Ben walked down the hall to the lavatory, Dief
following close behind. Opening the window, he placed a small trash can in
front of it. Taking one last look at the vanilla folder, he was almost
tempted to read it, then took a deep breath and tossed it into the can.
Ben then pulled out a pack of matches from the pocket of his jodhpurs.	

The strong scent of sulfur assaulted his senses as he lit the match.
Watching the flame flicker then jump to life, he dropped it into the can
and looked on as the manilla cover slowly started to smolder and turn
brown. 

Blowing gently, the folder burst into flame and Ben stared at it
mesmerized as the edges began to curl. He started at hearing someone at
the door. Someone was jiggling the knob which was followed closely by
someone pounding on the door. 

"Fraser, are you in there?" 

It was Inspector Thatcher. Quickly he placed his foot in the can to stomp
out the flames. 

"Yes sir." 

"What's going on?" When she received no answer, she continued. "Constable,
I demand you open this door at once!" Meg ordered. She could hear
different sounds, mostly metal as it clanked against tile. After a few
minutes it opened. 

Meg looked up at Ben, seeing a fleeting look of panic on his face before
he schooled his features. 

"Ah, good afternoon Sir, may I be of assistance?" He asked hoping she
wouldn't think anything was amiss. 

"I smell smoke." She stated as she tried to peer past his large frame
standing in the doorway. 

"Smoke, Sir?" 

"Yes Constable, smoke." 

"Oh, yes, well that would probably be because I lit a match." 

"You lit a match." Meg repeated, not bothering to hide the disbelief in
her voice. 

"Why did you light a match Fraser?" 

Dief picked that moment to walk out of the bathroom, and pass wind as he
went by. Ben couldn't imagine being more embarrassed in his life, and he
could barely bring himself to meet Meg's eyes. It was definitely one of
those times when being outdoors would have been welcome. He watched as Meg
brought her hand up to cover her nose as she took a step back. 

"Never mind Constable, I believe I have my answer... Carry on." She
snapped as she quickly scurried down the hall towards her office. 

Ben looked down at Dief who was sitting by his office door. He didn't know
whether or not to be relieved. Sighing, he headed back to his office to
finish packing. 

***************** 

I squeezed the dropper of liquid Tylenol into JC's mouth and repeated the
procedure with Robert. They hadn't liked getting their shots at all, and
had no trouble in voicing it. It was almost five and Maggie volunteered to
make dinner while I tried to calm the babies. All the crying had
apparently tired them out, but they were still too wound up to sleep.
Sitting in the rocking chair in the nursery, I closed my eyes and tried to
will away the awful headache I was feeling. At least the crying was in
surround sound since I had a baby screaming into each ear. 

"Sshhh...." I whispered. "It's all right, mommy's here...." I said over
and over. The weight of one of the babies being lifted from my embrace
caused me to open my eyes. 

I gave Ben a weak smile as he leaned down to give me a kiss. "Thank you."
I said in relief. 

No sooner had Ben started to walk with JC, did she rest her head on his
shoulder and her crying was down to a mear whimper. I shook my head in
disbelief. How did he *do* that?  

It wasn't long before both babies were sleeping, and Ben took my hand to
pull me up. Instead of going into the other room, he sat back down on the
rocking chair, and pulled me onto his lap. 

"This is nice" I stated as Ben wrapped his arms around me. "What's the
occasion?" 

"I just wanted to spend some time with the most beautiful woman in the
world." Ben smiled at me. 

Leaning over, I gave him a kiss, then rested my head on his shoulder. "I
missed you." 

"I'm not interrupting, am I?" We both looked up to see Maggie standing in
the doorway. 

"No. What's up?" I asked. 

"Dinner is finished, and I wanted to get my bag. Frannie invited me over
to the Vecchio's tonight. She said something about an all night marathon
for 'A night at the Opera' on television." 

I smiled at that. "Do you *know* what that's about?" I asked, familiar
with the series. Maggie didn't strike me as the kind of person who would
appreciate some of the more...graphic...scenes. 

"I am not familiar with the show, no. However I have always had a soft
spot for the Opera, and I can't think of a better way to spend an evening.
Mozart, Strauss, Handel..." Maggie started, and Ben quickly picked up the
thread and continued. 

"Of course we couldn't forget about Cimarosa, Puccini, Musorgsky." Ben
looked at his sister reproachfully as he spoke. 

"Indeed. Well, I'm off." 

"Have fun." I managed to say while trying to keep a straight face. I
really hoped she wouldn't be too disappointed. Then again, I myself have
watched the series quite a few times. Some of the best 'bedroom ideas'
that I used with Ben came from that series. Yes, thinking about it, I knew
Maggie would probably enjoy it more than some opera singers. 

*** 

"Hello? Ah...goodmorning Inspector....the station? Yes sir." 

Ben handed me the receiver and I stretched up, replacing it on the base.
We had been lying on the sofa when the phone rang. The babies were up half
the night with low grade fevers, and overall just being fussy. Somewhere
around 4am we gave up on sleeping and stayed in the living room. I
collapsed back onto Ben's chest, and wrapped my arms around his waist. 

"Please tell me that isn't what I think it is." I mumbled, then kissed his
bare chest. 

"I'm afraid so. Something has come up, Meg didn't elaborate, and I'm to
meet her in an hour." 

I stared at his nipple while he spoke and moving my head a few inches, I
flicked my tongue out causing him to falter in mid sentence. Liking that
reaction, I wrapped my mouth around it and sucked gently. 

Ben gasped and I felt his hips moved slightly upward as he let out a low
moan. I could feel his heartbeat pick up, and brought my left hand up to
rub his other nipple. My name escaped his lips and I shifted upward,
placing small nips and kisses up his neck to his ear. Ben's arms held me
tight as his hands ran up my back to play in my hair, then back down again
to grasp my rear and press me to him.  

I was only wearing one of Ben's T-shirts that I threw on when the babies
woke, and took in a ragged breath as his hand slipped in-between my legs.
His other hand was busy hiking up the T-shirt. 

"Yes" I hissed and Ben somehow managed to maneuver us onto the floor, at
the same time removing my shirt. Now that I had freer movement of my
hands, I grabbed the waistband of the long john bottoms he was wearing and
tried to push them down. Ben captured my hands and held them out to my
sides as he continued to kiss my neck, working his way down.  

When he reached my breast, I gasped as he pulled it into his warm mouth.
Arching up to him in response, he released my hands so he could run his
down my sides to my thighs. His fingers slipped down to the center of me,
and I cried out in pleasure. It had been so long and I was ready for him. 

"Analise" it was a strangled sob and I looked to see Ben's eyes closed, as
he struggled to control himself. 'Oh no! Please tell me he wasn't stopping
now!' I silently prayed. This was the closest we had gotten since the
assault. Even last night, though Ben did more, he still hadn't 'gone all
the way.' 

"Ben?" 

When he looked at me, I felt as if my breath had been taken away. His eyes
conveyed concern, desire, and longing. "I need you. Now. I'm sorry I can't
wait any longer." 

 

Relief washed over me and I nodded as Ben quickly shed the long john
bottoms he slept in last night. Pulling him down on me, I gasped as he
entered, slow and steady. He didn't stop until he was fully buried in my
warmth, and I arched in pleasure as buried his head in my neck. 

We stayed like that for a little while and though we weren't moving, just
feeling him inside and his weight pressing down on me sent me over the
edge. 

"Ben!" I cried as I dug into his back with my fingers, while starting to
move my hips. I could feel Ben's body shake as he pulled back and then
thrust in over and over, completing me. He cried out as he released, and I
pulled him on top of me to rest, both our hearts beating wildly. 

After a short while, Ben stirred, trying to move to my side but I wouldn't
let him. I loved feeling his weight on me, and he was still in me
pulsating. I didn't want to break the connection. 

Eventually he lifted himself onto his forearms and gently kissed my lips
seeking entry with his tongue, then rested his forehead on mine. 

"I love you Ben" I whispered. He smiled at me and kissed me again with
more passion. I could feel him start to swell again, inside me, and closed
my eyes allowing the sensations to engulf me. He cupped my breast as he
grew but I pushed him up. His hands came around to grasp me, holding us
together as I rolled him onto his back. It was my turn. 

All the things I had been wanting to do to him these past few weeks played
through my mind, and I leaned over to kiss him, while starting to move. My
arousal picked up as Ben moaned and closed his eyes. His hands found my
hips and he pulled me down on him as he thrust into me. 

I leaned forward until I was pressed against him. Ben's arms wrapped
around my back, and I slowly moved up and down his chest, drawing out the
moment and reveling in the feel of him fulfilling me like the ebb and flow
of the tides, always leaving, but being replaced by another. I didn't want
this connection to end, and both Ben and myself seemed more inclined to
take our time, now that our immediate hunger had been satisfied. 

Looking down at the man I married, I felt an overwhelming wave of love
surge over me. I had missed him so much. 

I was unaware that I had stopped moving as I stared down at him, eyes
closed, lips slightly parted as shallow quick gasps of pleasure escaped
from deep inside him. He opened his eyes and stared at me, knowingly. 

I felt tears sting my eyes as he looked at me, and Ben smiled, bringing
his hand up to caress my cheek. The gesture caused me to break down, and I
started crying. Ben pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me
protectively as he rubbed my back. 

"I love you Analise." He whispered into my hair, and I leaned down to kiss
him. This was the man I married, the one I wanted to spent the rest of my
life with, and I clung to him never wanting to let go. 

After a few minutes, Ben lifted my face and placed kisses on my eyes, and
cheeks, slowly making his way to my lips. They parted for him, and as he
explored my mouth, I felt his hips move beneath me. 

Slowly, I started rotating my hips in a circle, causing Ben to moan. I
smiled down at him as he cupped my face, and used his thumb to erase one
of the last tears cascading down my cheek. 

"I love you too." I answered, as we got to know each other all over again.


 

 

**** 

Ben held me protectively as we laid unmoving on the livingroom floor. I
could hear the steady rhythm of his heart, and closed my eyes. I briefly
wished it were possible to stay like this forever, but as usual, things
don't always work out the way we want them to. 

I felt Ben's sharp intake of breath and looked up at him. "What?" 

The remorse in Ben's voice was thick. "I have to meet Meg at the station."


We both knew he had to go, and I didn't want to make it any harder on him.
Neither one of us wanted to move. 

"I'll be waiting when you get back." I said softly. 

Ben hugged me to him and rolled us over gently, so I rested on the floor.
"I promise you, I'll come home as soon as I can." 

"I know." 

He leaned over and kissed me, then stood to help me up. "I have to get a
quick shower." 

"When do you have to meet her?" I asked, as we walked hand in hand to the
bedroom. 

"She said she'd be there in an hour, and that was a half hour ago." I
watched as he took a clean uniform from the closet and went into the
bathroom. After a few minutes, I heard water running, and followed the
sound. 

I watched Ben behind the curtain, and carefully opened it, slipping in
behind him. The cool air on his wet skin caught his attention, and he
turned quickly with eyes wide. 

"I thought I'd help you wash." I said moving closer to him. Ben laughed
and pulled me to him.  

"You do realize that if you keep this up, I will never get to the station
on time." He chastised. 

"Keep what up? As far as I can tell, you're the one with something 'up'."
I smiled at him as I reached for the washcloth. 

 

************** 

Hearing a whining, I opened my eyes and looked over at the clock. It was
almost eleven in the morning and I knew the babies would be waking soon. I
was simply grateful they slept most of the morning after the night they
had given us. 

Not wanting to get up yet, I decided to wait a few minutes, hoping they
would settle back down. 

Thinking back to this morning, I smiled broadly and snuggled further into
the covers. Making love to Ben had been beautiful. I wish he hadn't had to
leave. The way he felt as he joined with me was almost magical. Feeling a
renewed sense of energy, I dressed quickly and went to check on the
babies. Gratefully they had settled back down. 

Going into the kitchen, I poured myself a glass of milk and laughed when I
found myself smiling again. Images of this morning kept flashing through
my mind and I wanted to burst with joy! Picking up a pear, I took the milk
and headed out onto the patio. 

Wanting to remember this moment forever, I placed my breakfast on the
patio table and went into the bedroom. Heading straight for the night
stand, I took out my notebook. Once I was settled again, I closed my eyes
and let the sensations of this morning play across my mind. I shook my
head when I realized I was smiling from ear to ear *again*, and quickly
started to write before my face froze like this. 

 

********* 

 

"Are you hungry blue eyes?" I asked Robert as I walked him around the
livingroom. "Yes? I thought you were." I said as I settled onto the sofa.
Dief picked that moment to stand and go over to the front door. Looking
back at me, he gave a small whine. 

"Dief, now is not a good time. Can you wait a few minutes?" I asked as
Robert started to nurse, hoping he didn't have to go to the bathroom that
bad. It wasn't long before I heard a key in the lock and I gave Dief a
skeptical look. 

"You know, I think I'm going to have to talk to Ben about your 'selective
hearing'." I stated as Maggie walked in. Dief jumped up on her and Maggie
absently reached down to scratch him behind the ears as she gave me a
reproachful look. 

"How was your sleepover?" I asked, trying not to laugh as she started to
blush. 

"You *knew* there was no cultural history of opera when I mentioned it
last night." She accused "Frannie told me the two of you watched the
series when you were on bed rest!" 

I couldn't help but laugh. "I'm sorry" I said, but didn't appear contrite.
"I didn't think you would mind 'too' much though, after all, the series
does have quite a few other 'attributes' worth watching." I hinted. 

She shook her head at me, "You are devious." She laughed and sat down
beside me. 

I started to nurse Robert and glanced over to see Maggie smiling at me. 

"What?" I asked. 

"Your glowing." She said simply, and gave me a knowing smile. 

"Glowing?" I repeated. What on earth was she talking about? 

Instead of elaborating, she reached over and took Robert's hand, smiling
as his fingers curled around her own. 

"You know, your the second person I've said that to, today." She teased. 

I raised a questioning eyebrow at her and waited for her to continue. 

"Ray dropped me off at the station on his way to work this morning." 

When nothing else was forthcoming, I decided to speak up. "And?" 

She was grinning from ear to ear. 

"And Ben was there. Funny thing is, he had the exact same look on his face
that you do." 

I blushed and looked down, but my smile only got bigger. Maggie laughed at
me. 

"That's what I thought." 

I looked up at her and sighed. "It was the first time since everything
happened with.... Victoria, that we have....." My voice trailed off with a
choke and Maggie placed her hand on mine, giving me a reassuring squeeze. 

"What the two of you have been through this past month has been horrible.
No parents should ever have to experience that." 

"It seems longer." My voice was hollow as I thought of everything that
happened these past few weeks. 

"None of that matters anymore." Maggie gently reminded me. 

I thought about what she said for a few minutes. She was right. Although
Ben and I had to find our own way of dealing with what happened, we were
there for each other. If anything, out marriage is stronger for it now. 

"You're right." I agreed, feeling better. 

The familiar feeling of butterflies settled in my stomach as I thought of
tomorrow morning. I was scared to death of leaving! Gasping, I couldn't
believe I finally admitted that to myself. 

"What's wrong?"  

I turned to Maggie and forced a smile, trying to ease the look of concern
on her face. "It's nothing. I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed about
tomorrow." I admitted. 

She smiled at me. "Do you have everything ready?" 

"Except for a few things that we'll need tonight, everything's ready to
go. Ben told me not to move the bags from the bedroom. He insisted they
were too heavy and that he would do it this evening." I rolled my eyes as
I spoke. Honestly, how did he thing they got packed to begin with? 

"That sounds like my brother." Maggie agreed. 

"So what about you?" I asked as I started to burp Robert "You are going to
be living in the wiles of Chicago. Think you can handle it?" I teased. 

Maggie took a deep breath and stood as she ran her hands across her face.
When she looked back, she gave me a smile. 

"I must admit, I am experiencing some apprehension. I'm sure it's nothing.
As a matter of fact, I'm looking forward to honing my detective skills in
a city environment." She quickly added. 

"Well, if Stan and Ray keep you as busy as they've kept Ben, you will get
plenty of honing!" 

She laughed at that. "I certainly hope so!" 

I stood and went to place Robert in his carrier. Everyone was gong to be
coming over later for one last get together, and I wanted to start dinner.


"I'll take him." Maggie offered as she reached for Robert. "Do you want to
come to your Aunt Maggie?" She asked as she picked him up. 

"You do realize that you're spoiling him, don't you?" I told her. 

She smiled at me as she placed him against her shoulder. "That's what
Aunts are supposed to do." 

"Sure it is." I said skeptically as I headed into the kitchen. 

********* 

Ben took his time walking back to the apartment. Although he didn't
consciously start out doing what he was doing, he found himself wandering
around the city that had been his home for the past five years. Earlier he
had went to his old neighborhood and said good-bye to the people he knew,
and ran a few errands. More than once he was given a tearful hug, kiss, or
a firm handshake with a sincere thank you. 

These people had become his extended family. They had stood together
against injustice, taken back the neighborhood from those bent on crime...


Sighing, a small smile came to Ben's lips. Yes, this was his home now as
much as the Territories were, and he was going to miss it. Knowing it was
getting late, and wanting to be with Analise, Ben set a brisk pace for
himself. He hadn't gone more than a block when he saw an old woman sitting
behind a cardboard box. On it, were a few flowers that had seen better
days. He surmised she must have taken them from the dumpster behind the
flower shop, not a half block away. Taking in her appearance, Ben
automatically knew she was undernourished. Also, from the looks of the
clothes she wore, embedded with dirt and frayed, some spots wore through
with holes, he knew she was most likely homeless. 

As he neared her, Ben took in the weathered lines on her face, the
distrusting eyes that greeted each passerby even as she called out to them
to sell her wares. Smiling, Ben approached the woman. 

"Good day." 

She turned withered eyes on him. Eyes that unbeknownst to their owner,
told her sad story to Ben, as clear as if she had sat down and spilled her
guts to him. 

"I got some flowers, real cheap." Glancing at the ring Ben wore on his
left hand, she continued. "You wife would love them." There was just a
hint of a plea in the steady voice. Most people wouldn't have picked up on
it, but Ben prided himself on being able to read people. 

The woman before him had nothing. No home, no food, but that wasn't what
touched Ben's heart. It was those eyes again. He saw a lifetime of
loneliness in them, the same loneliness that used to greet him every
morning when he looked in the mirror. He knew how lucky he was to have
Analise, and also knew how easily that might never have been. Had this
woman ever known love? Did something happen to him? 

"Are you gonna buy some or not?" She demanded when he hadn't answered. 

Ben snapped out of his reverie and smiled at the woman. She sat
straighter, not wanting his pity. 

"How much?" Ben asked, as he pointed to a scraggly bouquet. 

"Ten dollars." Came the firm reply. Ben looked into her eyes again, and
knew she wasn't expecting to get even two dollars let alone ten, but it
was either bluff, or face the possibility of not eating for another night.


He knew the last thing she would want was his pity. This would have to be
done with skill. 

"How much for all of them?" 

The old woman's eyes grew wide, and she started to calculate what she
might be able to waggle from the man in front of her. 

"Thirty. And you wont find a better price no matter where you go." She
added. 

"You're probably right." He agreed. 

Ben took off his stetson, more than willing to give her the thirty, but to
his chagrin only had twenty. 

"All I have is twenty." He said as he pulled the bills from the lining.
Her eyes fixed on them hungrily as her hand started to reach out slightly.
Not wanting to appear desperate, she hesitated. 

"Well, you're some kind of cop?" She asked. 

"Royal Canadian Mounted Police. I first came to Chic--" he was cut off by
her snatching the bills from his grasp. 

"Good enough. I always give discounts to cops." She said as she picked up
the bunches, handing them to him. 

"It wouldn't be fair for me to take all of them, since I was unable to pay
for them." Ben took one of the bouquets and placed it back on the box.
Perhaps she would be able to sell it to someone else. He doubted it, but
he wanted her to keep the one thing she had left. 

He replaced his stetson, and tipped it. "Thank you kindly, ma'am." 

Still not believing her luck, the old woman watched him go. As he neared
the corner, she thought enough to call out after him. "Come back soon!"
Good customers were few and far between. 

Taking the box and remaining bouquet, she threw them in the trash can by
the curb, and headed towards the nearest diner. 

**************** 

Ben held the withered flowers in his hand as he turned onto his block. At
first he was tempted to throw them into the nearest trash receptacle.
After all, they had served their purpose. They had allowed him to help
someone, while allowing them to save face. He really didn't know why he
still held them protectively in his hand. 

"Fraser!" 

Ben heard the female voice call his name and looked up to see Meg locking
her car door. She was carrying some papers and a wine bottle. Fraser
quickly hurried over to help. 

"May I Sir?" He asked as he relieve her of her load. 

"Thank you Fraser, and you don't have to call me 'Sir' anymore." 

Ben looked at Meg, not quite understanding. 

"As of five o'clock, I was no longer your commanding officer- officially."
She finished in a subdued voice. 

The finality of her words struck him, and he looked down at her with
emotion filled eyes. His words came out in barely a whisper. "Understood."


They stared at each other for a few minutes, both wanting to say a
multitude of things. Their roles had been ingrained into each other for so
long though, neither knew how to express what they wanted to say. Finally,
Meg took a step back. 

"Shall we?" She asked. 

Ben shook himself and followed her. Quietly, they made their way into the
building. Ben deftly balanced the load he carried and held the door open
for her. 

"Thank you." 

As they waited for the elevator, Meg decided now would be the best time to
broach this particular subject. 

"Fraser...Ben, I wanted you to know I took the liberty of placing a
commendation in your file." 

The elevator doors opened and Ben allowed Meg to enter before him.
Pressing the button, he looked at her. "That wasn't necessary Sir...Meg." 

She waved a hand inconsequentially in the air, dismissing his protest. 

"It's already done. You've been a fine asset to the Consulate over the
past few years, and your new Commander needs to know about it." 

"Thank you." Ben replied quietly. The rest of the ride was made in
silence. When the doors opened, they could hear laughter coming from the
apartment as they headed down the hall. 

 

********** 

"There you are!" I exclaimed when Ben walked in. I quickly went up to him
and threw my arms around him, even though he couldn't hug me back since
his hands were full. Kissing him deeply, I pulled back only when we both
needed air. Grinning like an idiot, I leaned closer and whispered, "I
missed you." 

"And I, you." He whispered back. 

A few throats being cleared caught our attention and I turned to see
everyone staring at us. Blushing, I disengaged myself from Ben. 

"Hi Meg" I finally thought to greet her. 

"Hi yourself." I could tell she found humor in the situation. 

I looked at the flowers in Ben's hand. "Are those for me?"  

He stared at them a minute, as if trying to decide. "I'm afraid they're
not very fresh." He started to apologize. 

"They're beautiful, thank you." I said giving him my best smile. 

Ben looked around the room. "Leftenant." He greeted, and then nodded to
Huey and Dewey. Stan and Maggie were sitting on the sofa holding the
twins, and Meg sat down beside them. 

Taking the flowers into the kitchen, I dug out a vase and trimmed the dead
parts. After clipping the stems, I arranged them. It didn't take too long
before they were looking pretty good. Listening to the sounds from the
livingroom, it didn't surprise me when the guys turned on the game. I
carried the vase into the livingroom and set it on the coffee table as
there was a knock on the door. 

"I got it." I said and started towards it, but Ben grabbed me around my
waist from behind, causing me to jump. 

"Stan, would you get that for us? I need to talk to Analise privately."
Ben said as he pulled me towards the hallway. 

"Yeah sure."  

I turned around and looked at Ben. He still kept his arms around my waist,
and was moving us down the hall towards the bedroom. 

"Ben, what are you doing?" I scolded as he shut the door behind us. He had
a mischievous grin on his face and I watched as Ben slowly undid his sam
brown. My eyes grew wide when he started on his tunic, advancing towards
me the entire time. He couldn't be serious, could he? 

I backed into the bed and placed a hand behind me to keep my balance. He
was outright smiling now, and I let out a nervous laugh. 

"Ben, we have company! We couldn't...as much as I want to...but we just
couldn't!" 

Ben pulled his tunic off and closed the distance between us, wrapping one
arm around my waist as his other hand tangled in my hair. My breath caught
in my throat as my heart beat wildly. His touch sent a message straight to
my core. The only thing that mattered to me was being with him. I trailed
my hands up his arms and threaded my fingers through his thick hair as I
pulled his head down. 

Ben let out a moan as he kissed me, and pressed his body tight against
mine. Somehow, he managed to lift me onto the bed without breaking
contact, and moved with me as he gently laid me down. 

Pulling back, Ben looked down at me. He was breathing hard and I watched
as he removed his suspenders and pulled off his undershirt in one fell
swoop. I smiled when I lightly traced my fingernails across his chest
causing him to close his eyes and shudder. 

When he opened them and looked at me again, I purposely rested my hands at
the collar of my shirt. Making sure I had his attention, I unbuttoned the
top button and pulled the material wide, exposing the hollow of my throat.
Ever so slowly, I moved to the next button, undid it, and spread the
material. My efforts were rewarded by a shuddering breath being released
by Ben. 

Before I could move to the next button, Ben buried his head in my newly
exposed flesh, and trailed feather light kisses up past my collarbone,
then back down to tease my cleavage. His hands were making easy work of my
remaining buttons, and my body arched towards him of it's own accord. 

A loud knock at the door caused both of us to jump. "Hey you two! Are you
going to stay in there all night?" 

It was Frannie. Ben and I smiled at each other, and he leaned down, giving
me one more passionate kiss. "We'll finish our 'discussion' later." He
assured me as he stood, pulling me up to stand beside him. 

"Just a sec." I called out as I buttoned my shirt and smoothed my hair. I
headed to the door as Ben took a pair of jeans and a shirt, and headed to
the closet.  

Opening the door, I gave Frannie a huge grin. "Hi." 

She peeked past me, giving me a knowing look. 

"Come on in, is everyone here?" I asked, hearing the noise level from the
livingroom increase. 

"Yeah, Ma, Maria, Tony, Ray and the kids! And *everyone's* wondering where
the two of you are." 

I looked down at my feet, even as the heat rose to my face. Frannie's
mouth dropped open and her eyes grew wide. She picked up on my body
language quicker than Dief on a doughnut. Her arms started flailing about
as she became excited. 

"Did he---?" 

"Sshhh!" I glanced towards the closet. 

"Oh!" She looked over at the closet and Ben picked that moment to open the
door, fully changed. 

"Hi Fraser" she greeted him. 

"Francesca." Ben walked over to me and wrapped his arm around my waist.
Leaning close to my ear, he murmured in a velvety whisper. "I'll 'talk' to
you later." 

My breath caught from the physical reaction he created in me, and I closed
my eyes as Ben's tongue flicked out, briefly touching my neck before he
pulled back. We watched wordlessly as he left the room, closing the door
behind him. 

Frannie grabbed me and jumped up and down, laughing. "Yes! He did, didn't
he?" She asked, and I nodded my head. 

"I knew it! I am so happy for you two!" Frannie squealed as she pulled me
into a hug. "Details! Give me details!" 

"Frannie!" I looked at her shocked. 

"What?" 

I sat down on the edge of the bed as I thought back to this morning.
Letting out a dreamy sigh, I looked over at her. "It was wonderful
Frannie." 

"Was this last night?" 

I grinned at her, as if sharing a secret. "This morning." 

"Details, girl!" 

"I am not giving you details!" I laughed. 

"Oh, come on!" She pleaded. 

"Well...." 

"Please?" 

She had the most pitiful look on her face, so I gave in.... A little. "We
made love twice this morning. Well, almost three times." I added thinking
back to the shower. If Ben hadn't noticed the clock, it would have been
three times. 

Frannie laughed outloud, clapping her hands as she rolled back onto the
bed. I watched her laugh her butt off for a few minutes and wondered
briefly, if she had lost her mind. 

"What's so funny?" I asked laughing with her. 

Straightening, she looked over at the bags by the bedroom door and
pointed, but broke down into another fit of giggles. 

Sighing, I waited for her to compose herself again. 

"I'm... I'm sorry. I just got this image of you and Fraser getting ready
to 'do it', and not being able to get the suitcase open!" 

She started laughing again, and I *knew* she had lost it. What would a
suitcase have to do with our making love? A look of horror crossed my face
as I realized what she meant. The suitcase with the Lucky 13's! Not
wanting it to fall open again, I added a luggage lock. 

I felt the blood drain from my face as I sat on the edge of the bed. I
couldn't have been that stupid, could I? 

Leaning forwards, I buried my face in my hands and blocked out everything
around me. 'Think!' I told myself. 'Just because we...unprotected...that
doesn't necessarily mean that I'm...that I could be....' 

I rubbed my temples as tears stung my eyes and I willed myself not to
panic. Slowly I came to realize Frannie was talking to me. 

"What?" I asked confused. 

"I asked what's wrong with you?" Even though she stopped laughing, Frannie
still had a silly smile on her face. 

"Nothing. It's... I was just..... thinking about tomorrow." I lied. Well,
it really wasn't a lie if I thought about it. After all, I had been
thinking about tomorrow a lot. 

"I don't want you guys to go." Frannie admitted. 

I gave her a weak smile. "We'll still keep in touch." I assured her. 

"You better! If you don't I'll be forced to come up there and visit!"  

We laughed at her joke, and I was grateful she didn't pick up on the real
reason I was upset. 

"Come on, they're probably going to send out a search party if we don't
get in there." I said as I opened the bedroom door. Frannie went first,
and involuntarily, I glanced back down at the bags by the door, before
taking a deep breath and heading out. 

********** 

As soon as I walked into the livingroom, Ma greeted me with a crushing
bear hug. I had rarely seen her this emotional and she was talking really
fast in Italian. Ray came up behind her and gently placed his hands on her
shoulders. He was speaking also in Italian, but I could tell he was trying
to calm her down. I looked at Ray quizzically. 

"She doesn't want her 'grandchildren' and her 'children' to move so far
away" he explained as he led her to a chair. 

I wanted to say something to tell her everything would be fine, but how
could I? I didn't know that myself. All I knew was I *had* to go.
Something was pulling me. 

I looked over at Ben for support, but he looked just as lost. From the
looks of lipstick smeared on his cheek, it looked like Ma had already
greeted him. Maria came up next and I gave her a big hug.  

"I'm going to miss you guys." I admitted. 

"You two had better come back to visit." 

"Absolutely! You're family." I assured her. "We want Robert and JC to know
their family." I assured her. 

"Meg, can you help me in the kitchen?" I asked, after making my way
through the rest of the Vecchio clan. It was amazing, most of the guys
were mesmerized by the game. Although I was looking at Chicago's finest,
it occurred to me that an armed gunman could run through the apartment
stark naked right now, and unless he blocked the view to the television,
they wouldn't have realized it. A smile played across my lips as the
mental picture went through my mind. 

"Sure." Meg picked her way through the bodies in the livingroom, and I
couldn't help but notice that although Ray appeared to be watching the
game, upon closer inspection, he was in fact, watching Meg. 'He was good'
I had to admit. 

I followed Meg into the kitchen, and smiled at her.  

"What did you need help with?" She asked as I peeked into the oven to
check on dinner. Most everything was done, and I had kept it warming until
everyone was ready to eat. 

"Nothing really, I just haven't had time to talk to you lately, and
tomorrow we'll be leaving." 

She looked down as I spoke, and I knew she would miss us just as much as
we would miss her. It was going to be hard to go. 

"I'm going to miss you Meg. You've been a really good friend to me. To
us." 

"Don't. If you start, I'll start crying, and I don't want to cry." She
said, as she busied herself with placing rolls into a dinner basket.
Anything to not make direct eye contact with me. 

I walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong
Meg?" I asked quietly. 

"It's nothing." She still wouldn't look at me, and I removed my hand. 

"You know, sometimes it takes a stronger person to show their emotions,
than it does to hide them from the world." I gently told her. 

"What do you mean by that?" She finally turned to look at me, and it was a
look that I knew well. That 'schooled' look Ben was so good at giving. 

"What I mean, is no one would think less of you if you laughed, or cried,
or became angry. You keep all your emotions locked deep inside of you. I
know" I said holding up a hand to forestall her protests "You had to be
tougher to get to where you are today. It's a man's world and they didn't
welcome you with open arms. I also know to keep your position you have to
work twice as hard as a man would. But don't be so afraid to lose what you
have that you miss out on the rest of your life." I implored. 

"I'm not sure I follow." She mumbled. 

"There is a great guy in the other room, who hasn't stopped looking at you
since you got here. Give him a chance. You might be glad that you did." I
folded my arms across my chest as I spoke and leaned against the counter. 

Meg blushed and looked away. "It's not that simple." 

"It's always that simple. Besides, what do you have to lose?" I asked,
hoping my encouragement would be enough. Thinking that a little visual
stimulation wouldn't hurt, I led her over to the counter area and we
peeked into the livingroom. "Look at him. He's a good dresser, he's smart,
funny, sexy. You could do a lot worse for yourself." I teased. 

She pulled back and glared at me. "I don't think that would be a good
idea." 

"And why not?" 

Meg couldn't stand still any longer, so she started pacing in the small
kitchen. "For one thing, he's arrogant, rude, irritating,..." 

"Charming, sincere, kind..." I added and she stopped to stare at me. Never
one to give in easily though, Meg doubled her efforts. 

"He refuses to give in on anything! He's impossible to be around.
Sometimes I really want to strangle him!" Meg said in an exasperated tone.
"Why are you grinning like that?" She asked irritated. 

"He got to you, didn't he?" I asked. "You don't have to answer it, I KNOW
he did." 

"Analise!" 

Laughing, I picked up a tray and headed out into the livingroom, leaving
Meg to think about what I said. Ben smiled at me and scooted over on the
sofa to give me a place to sit. I placed the snacks on the coffee table,
and nestled close to him in the small confines. Ben's arm automatically
wrapped around me, and I snuggled deeper into his warmth.  

Ray was also sitting on the sofa along with Lt. Welsh. Stan and Maggie
were sitting quite cozily in an over stuffed chair. Ma had the rocking
chair and everyone else had brought in chairs from the dining room to use.


Meg finally brought herself out of the kitchen and looked around for a
place to sit. Not one to give up an opportunity like this, I spoke up. 

"Meg, why don't you sit here with me?" I tapped Ray, who just happened to
be sitting on my right and he quickly moved closer to the Lieutenant.
Knowing she wouldn't refuse, that would bring more attention to herself,
Meg squeezed in. She gave me a glare and I smiled back at her brightly.
Her body and Ray's touched in more places that one, and the more Meg moved
to try and put some distance between them, the more contact they ended up
having. Though Ray still pretended to be interested in the game, I could
tell from the tenseness in his posture, and the flush to his cheeks that
his mind was on something a lot closer to him. 

 

After dinner, Ben looked around the room at his friends and family. He
admitted to himself that leaving Chicago was going to be a lot harder than
it was to leave Canada. Knowing it was getting late, and they had to be up
early in the morning, Ben knew that everyone would be leaving soon. Most
everyone was saying their good-byes tonight, but Stan, Ray, Maggie,
Frannie and Meg were going to go to the airport with them tomorrow. He had
hoped that he could find a quiet moment to talk to both Ray and Stan
tonight, but one never presented itself. 

Maggie and Stan were sitting on the sofa talking quietly to each other,
and a shaft of brotherly protectiveness coursed through Ben when he saw
Stan's hand come to rest on his sister's thigh. 

Clearing his throat, Ben walked over to the couple causing Stan to jump.
"Stan, may I speak with you a moment?" Ben asked calmly. 

"Uh..yeah, sure Fraser." Stan looked at Maggie one last time before
following Ben out onto the balcony. 

 "What'cha need Benton buddy?" Stan asked, making sure he was out of arms
reach just in case Fraser decided to pummel him. It was no secret how
protective Ben was of his sister, and for a second, he thought he may have
crossed the line. 

"Chicago is a big city." Ben started and Stan simply stared at him. That
wasn't what he expected to hear Fraser say. 

"Yeah, it is." 

"Maggie isn't used to being in a setting such as this, and I'm worried
about her. She doesn't realize how dangerous the city can be." 

Breathing a sigh of relief, Stan relaxed a little. "You don't have to
worry about Maggie. I'll look out for her, for you." 

Ben smiled at him. "I know you will." Pausing to rub a finger across his
eyebrow, Ben wasn't quite sure how to continue. "Since I found out that I
have a sister, I have been...concerned, about her well being. I wouldn't
want anyone to take advantage of her." He emphasized the word 'anyone' as
he spoke, and Stan swallowed hard. 

"I...I can understand that." Stan said nervously. The message was loud and
clear. 

"Good...that's good..." Ben smiled. Reaching into his back pocket, Ben
pulled something out. 

"I wanted you to have these." Ben handed the mysterious item to Stan, and
watched while the man looked at it. Finally Stan looked up to see Ben
smiling at him. He couldn't believe it. 

"These are season passes to the Blackhawks." He said in astonishment.
Looking closer, at the passes, he looked up at Ben in awe. "Fraser, these
seats are right behind the players box! Oh man! How did you get these?" 

"I was assured they were good seats."  

"Good? It's like being in right there with them! This is the best Fraser.
Thanks." Grinning from ear to ear, Ben was glad that he enjoyed the
tickets. "You're welcome." 

Ray appeared in the doorway. "Hey, Ma's leaving, and she wants to say
good-bye Benny."  

"We'll be right in."  

 

Ben reluctantly followed a beaming Stan back into the apartment. He wasn't
looking forward to saying good bye to the Vecchio's. Analise was standing
on one side of Ma, Maria on the other and they were trying to comfort the
distraut woman. Taking a deep breath, he approached the group. 

It hurt him to see Ma crying, and when she looked at him, he gave her his
best compassionate smile. She reached up and hugged him with a surprising
intensity. He could feel her shake, but when she pulled back she favored
him with a determined gaze. 

"Sometimes when a person has been away from home a long time, they find
things are different than what they remembered." She sighed and placed her
hands on each side of his face, and slowly wiped a trace of lipstick off
his cheek. After a moment she continued. 

"Always remember that if things don't work out the way you think they
should, you always have a home here Caro." 

"We'll remember" he assured her. 

Maria handed Robert to Ma and she kissed him, holding him close to her
before handing him to Ben, then did the same with JC handing her to
Analise. Maria, Tony and their children also said their good byes and
there wasn't a dry eye in the house. 

"Come on Ma, I'll drive you home." Frannie offered. Though tears were also
in her eyes, her good byes wouldn't come until tomorrow. 

"Thanks Frannie. I'll be home soon." Ray said and smiled as they shared a
rare moment of understanding. 

"We should be going too Fraser." Welsh spoke up looking pointedly at Huey
and Dewey. 

"Yeah, it's getting late." Huey readily agreed. 

Dewey placed four or five more cheese spread crackers from the tray on the
table in his left hand before joining the others by the door. 

"Gotta get an early jump on tomorrow" he added. 

Lt. Welsh held out his hand. "Fraser, I'm glad I got to know you. Although
you have a knack of getting into some really odd situations, you're a fine
officer, and we'll miss you." 

Ben shook the proffered hand. Swallowing hared, he managed a "Thank you,
Sir." 

As one, the group headed out the door and after a few more called out good
byes, Maggie closed it, leaving the room in an eerie silence. 

She and Stan exchanged knowing looks and headed out onto the patio
together. 

 

I looked around at Ray, Meg and Ben. I could tell from both men's body
language they wanted some time alone. 

"Meg, could you help me put the babies down?" I asked, and was rewarded
with a grateful smile from Ben. 

"Of course." Meg carefully took Robert from Ben and we headed down the
hall. 

 

Ray and Ben shuffled their feet, not quite knowing what to say to each
other. The one thing neither wanted to do was staring each of them in the
face. Saying good bye. 

"We've been partners a long time." Ray started quietly. 

"Almost six years, well, four if you count the two years you were under
cover." Ben offered. 

"Aw, geez Benny" Ray ran a hand across his head as he sank into a chair.
"I still considered you my partner then. It was the only thing that got me
through those years."  

"As did I Ray." 

Ray's face took on a far away look and he let out a small laugh as he
thought back. "Ya know, I'd be getting ready for bed, and Nero would bring
me my buttermilk. Afterwards, I could let my guard down. It was the one
time of the day that I wasn't being constantly watched. I would think of
how we'd be on some stakeout, and you would start on some Inuit tale of
Runamukluk...." 

Ray shook himself back to the present and looked down at his hands.
"Anyway, I don't think I would have made it, if I hadn't known you were
here waiting." 

When he looked up, he wasn't surprised to see unshed tears in Ben's eyes,
they mirrored his own. 

"I'm going to miss you Ray." Ben admitted. 

Straightening, Ray felt slightly embarrassed letting his feelings show
like that. He watched as Ben started to fumble with the clasp of his
fathers watch.	

Walking over to Ray, he held it out to him. "I want you to have this."
Ben's voice cracked as he spoke. 

Ray looked in shock at the watch before him. He knew how personal that was
to Ben. It was one of the few things he had left of his father. 

"Benny, that's your fathers watch." He looked wide eyed at his friend. 

"I want you to have it Ray." Came Ben's solemn reply. Ben placed it in
Ray's hand before any more protest could be made. 

Ray stared at the watch as if it were more valuable than a bar of gold.
"I'll take real good care of it Benny." Ray promised. 

"I know you will."  

Ray immediately took off his watch and replaced it with the RCMP issued
one. Smiling broadly as he held up his wrist. "Thanks Benny." 

Ray kept giving Ben a silly smile as he dug into his suit pocket. "I also
have something for you." 

Ben raised an eyebrow, surprised that Ray had gone out of his way to get
him a going away gift. He watched as Ray held out his hand, and slowly
opened it to reveal a pristine cigarette lighter belonging to a 1971 mint
condition Buick Riviera. 

"Ray..." Ben was speechless. He knew how long it had taken Ray to find the
original piece, and smiled when he remembered how adamant his friend was
about anyone touching it. 

"I don't wanna hear any excuses. I want you to have it. Think of it as a
kinda good luck charm." 

Ben took the lighter and closed his fingers around it tightly. "Thank
you." He choked out. 

The sound of a door down the hall opening caught their attention, and both
men struggled to compose themselves. They breathed a collective sigh of
relief when another door opened and closed. 

Looking towards the patio to make sure Maggie and Stan weren't coming
back, Ben cleared his throat. "Ray, there's something I have been wanting
to ask of you." 

"Sure Benny, anything." Ray picked up a cheese topped cracker and stuffed
it in his mouth while he waited for Ben to continue. 

Ben raked a finger across his eyebrow. "I am concerned about Meg." 

Ray involuntarily took in a deep breath, and choked. Ben quickly pounded
him on the back. When Ray finally caught his breath, he took a drink from
a nearby cup. Ben waited patiently for his friend to recover. 

"Why are you worried about the Dragon lady?" He asked, trying not to let
any emotion show. 

Tugging at his ear, Ben shuffled slightly. "She sometimes forgets to take
care of herself. I don't know how many times she has worked late, not
giving a second thought to her personal safety." Ben continued almost to
himself, which showed Ray how worried Ben really was. 

That caused something of a domino effect, as the turmoil started to take
over Ray's stomach. Certainly Meg could take care of herself, couldn't
she? Yet...what all did Ben do at the consulate that he wasn't aware of?
Benny did seem worried... 

Ben watched the emotions play across his friends face. He had him almost
where he wanted him. Now to push him over the edge. 

"Now that Maggie will be here... I just..." Taking a deep breath he looked
directly at Ray with all the sincerity he could muster. "I need someone I
can trust to keep an eye on them." 

"Don't worry, I'm your man. I'll make sure nothing happens to Maggie." Ray
assured him. 

"Or Meg." Ben added. 

Ray hesitated briefly before mumbling "or Meg." 

The patio doors sliding open ended the conversation for them. 

 

************** 

 

Sleep eluded me most of the night and I finally untangled myself from Ben,
not able to lay still a moment longer. The early morning air assaulted my
skin with it's cold chill, and I reached past Ben for his flannel shirt. 

I smiled when I thought of how Ben, in his haste, haphazardly tossed it to
the end of our bed. Last night, as nervous as I had been about the move,
Ben managed in a highly skilled way to take my mind off things. 

I buttoned a few of the buttons in the middle and quietly stole out of
bed. Padding over to the patio doors, I looked out across the lights of
the city for the last time. This was it. In a few hours we would be on a
plane heading to our new home. 

Leaning against the cool glass, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath,
letting it out slowly. This is what I wanted, what we both wanted. So why
was I so anxious? I heard the bed creak and smiled. It wasn't long before
I felt strong familiar arms wrap around me protectively. 

Leaning into Ben, I tilted my head back, rested it against his shoulder as
we wordlessly watched the city come to life. When the first crimson
glimmer streaked across the Chicago sky, Ben led me back over to the bed. 

He held on to me as he sat on the bed and pulled me gently into a prone
position. After making sure I was covered, he snuggled close. I lifted
myself so my head rested on his chest, and relaxed as I listened to his
rhythmic breathing. Ben ran his hands gently across my back in a soothing
pattern. Neither of us spoke as the rising sun slowly announced the start
of the day. I felt as though I could have laid her forever.  

In the quiet of the morning, a familiar sound caught our attention and as
it got closer, I shifted so I could look outside. Ben and I watched a
passing flock of geese as they headed south. It was a time of change for
everyone so it seemed. 

I scooched up so I could look at Ben's face and he was elated. His eyes
shone with a vivid clarity and his lips turned up in a smile. I couldn't
help but smile back as I leaned over to give him a tender kiss. In my
peripheral vision, I caught site of a used lucky 13 package and figured
now was as good a time as any to tell Ben. I had meant to tell him last
night, but the mood just didn't seem right. Laying back down on his chest,
I swallowed hard. 

"Ben?" 

"Hhmm?"  

He held me closer, pulling me to him. "Yesterday...yesterday morning
actually we forgot something." I said quietly. 

I could tell Ben wasn't really listening, so I started to look up at him,
but changed my mind. For some odd reason, I didn't want to see his face
when I told him. 

"We forgot something important." I emphasized. 

Ben's hands stopped caressing my body. "I picked up the tickets, and made
the arrangements... I don't believe we forgot anything." 

"Before that Ben... I... Do you remember yesterday morning?" I asked,
trying to find a way to break the ice. 

My answer came when Ben flipped me over, and started biting my neck softly
as his hands explored my body. 

"I see you do...mmmhh...." I lost my train of thought for a minute, and
willed my resolve. 

"Ben, I need to tell you something."  

He stopped and looked down at me, waiting patiently. I took a deep breath
and decided to just say it. After all, just because... Shaking myself, I
didn't want to start that again! 

"Yesterday, when we made love in the livingroom? I realized that we
forgot...the uh..." I looked over at the night stand, and then back at
Ben. He followed my gaze and paused for a second, then looked back down at
me, eyes wide. His mouth dropped open as he stared at me. 

"Oh dear..." It came out in barely a whisper as he continued to look at
me. 

"That doesn't mean that I am...or could be...pregnant." I hastily added.
He sorta flopped down beside me as his arms gave way, and stared at the
ceiling. 

Not knowing what was going through his mind, I kept to myself. It's not as
if I had planned this or anything! I could feel Ben's body tremble and
heard a deep intake of breath. I felt like crying, but held it in as I
rolled on my side away from him. A lone tear escaped from my eye and it
ran down the side of my cheek before spilling onto the sheet below. 

 

Ben stared at the ceiling. How could he have been so thoughtless? He
chastised himself for not being able to restrain his urges. All that time
he held Analise at bay making her wait and when he did finally manage to
break past his barriers, he acted like an animal. 

'Pregnant? Could she be pregnant now and we don't know it? How could I do
that to her again?' He thought back to her pregnancy. It was so hard on
her... If it hadn't been for the help of their friends... He didn't even
want to think of what might have happened. He shuddered involuntarily as
he thought about losing her. That would be the one thing he didn't know if
he could face. A baby.. or...babies! He drew a sharp breath at the
thought. More than anything he would love to have another child, but how
would Analise feel about it? Movement caught his attention and he pulled
himself out of his musings in time to see her roll away from, her back to
him. She must have misunderstood!  

 

"Analise, I didn't mean to upset you." Ben quickly said as he wrapped his
arms around me. I could feel his body curl protectively around my back. 

"Please look at me." He quietly implored. 

I shook my head no as I took in a ragged breath. I felt silly for getting
so emotional. After all, it wasn't as if I were pregnant. What was I
expecting from him? 

After a moment, Ben gently rolled me over. His breath caught and a guilty
look came across his features as he looked at me. Quickly I tried to wipe
away my tears, but he stilled my hand, bringing it up to his lips for a
chaste kiss. 

"If you....are pregnant, I would be the happiest man in the world." 

I stared at him trying to read the sincerity on his face. "It's too soon."
I whispered. "Robert and JC ---" 

"Robert and JC would make a wonderful big brother and sister." He assured
me. 

I sighed and looked away. If I was honest with myself, I would love to
have another baby, but I was scared. How would I take care of three babies
with Ben gone? The cabin was in the middle of nowhere, what if something
happened? Oh God! What if I had twins again? 

Ben had been propped on his elbow and he used his free hand to unbutton
the shirt. Letting the material fall open to my sides, he traced his hand
lightly across my collarbone, and down to my breasts taking care to brush
against each nipple and then down further to rest on my stomach. 

Smiling at the familiar gesture, I placed my hand on top of his and
snuggled closer to him. 

"I love you Ben." I whispered as I closed my eyes, suddenly tired from my
sleepless night, now that my secret was out in the open. 

Feeling Ben shift, it wasn't long before I felt myself being lifted onto
his chest, and light kisses in my hair. The last thing I remembered was
the shirt I was wearing being pulled gently from my shoulders and the
covers tucked around us. 

 

****** 

"Analise" the softly spoken word penetrated my dream like a lovers caress.
"Analise" the voice was more insistent now. 

Cold air brushed against my bare skin as the blankets were pulled away.
Defying the cold, I rolled to my side and tucked myself into a ball. 

I heard a chuckle and felt the bed move. "Analise." 

The sound was right by my ear now and I grudgingly opened an eye. The
first thing to come into view was Ben's smiling face. Shutting my eye, I
tried to go back to sleep but Ben had other ideas. Rolling me on my
stomach, he used his one hand to hold mine above my head as his body
pinned me down. 

"I did warn you" he said as he proceeded to tickle me. 

"No!" I squealed in protest as I tried to wiggle out from under him.
Anticipating my moves, Ben held me tight as he continued to torture me. 

"Stop!" I begged and finally he did, though he still held me pinned
beneath his body. 

"Are you going to wake up now?" He asked with an amused tone. 

I buried my head in the mattress. "Mmph." 

"What did you say?" 

"I said yes. Now let me up!" I demanded. 

I waited, but Ben didn't move. Well, that's not exactly true. His hips
surged into my backside and a low moan escaped his lips. 

"I thought you wanted me to get up?" I teased, as I shifted as much as I
could beneath him. Two could play at this game. 

He rested his head beside mine, and kissed me lightly on the neck.
Groaning, he paused before speaking. 

"I do... It's just, sometimes I can't seem to help myself." He said almost
apologetically. 

Laughing I maneuvered out from under him. 

"What is so funny?" He asked. 

"Well, it seems to me you've 'helped yourself' quite a bit lately. Knowing
a retaliation was coming, I threw a pillow at him as he lunged for me and
quickly rolled off the bed. Crouching, I readied the other pillow as he
leapt over the bed with the one I had thrown at him. 

We continued to whack each other in our intense pillow fight like a couple
of children, and it wasn't until there was a knock at the door did we
freeze. In a move of self preservation, I ducked beside the bed, trying to
cover myself. 

"What's going on in there?" It was Stan. 

Ben looked down at me. "Oh dear." 

"Stan's here?" I asked. I had thought we were still alone. 

Ben quickly went to the door as I reached up for the blanket. Opening it a
crack he greeted his friend. 

"We'll...uh...be out in a minute." 

"Hurry up will ya? We wanna get the bags loaded."  

"Of course." Ben shut the door and looked back over at me. 

"Don't worry, I'm getting ready." I assured him." 

 

 

By the time I got out of the shower, it was almost 9:30 am. Knowing I had
to hurry, I snuck back into the bedroom. Stan, Ray, Meg and Frannie had
already arrived and most of the luggage was already loaded into the car.
The only things left were the babies diaper bags and my one suitcase. 

I smiled when I saw my clothes laid out on the bed. Ben had insisted on
selecting them. Shaking my head, my eyes roamed over the undergarments,
then the long johns, t-shirt, flannel shirt, sweater and jeans. Picking up
the single red rose that was draped across the clothes, I inhaled it's
fragrance. 

Remembering the time, I quickly dressed, leaving the sweater off. Knowing
I didn't have time to blow-dry my hair, I brushed it out and threw it into
a ponytail. 

Ben walked in as I was repacking the rest of my things in my suitcase. 

"Good morning." 

I clicked the suitcase shut and turned around to find him directly behind
me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on my
shoulder. I closed my eyes enjoying the contact. 

"I'm running late." I stated. 

"I'll take care of everything." He assured me. 

"You always do." I whispered in reply. 

Pulling back a step, Ben placed his hands on my upper arms and looked at
me. "Thank you." He said solemnly. 

"For what?" I looked at him puzzled. 

Shaking his head, Ben smiled and traced a finger lightly across my lips.
"Just for being you..." After a moment he added, "Are you ready?" 

Looking around the room, I wanted to make sure I hadn't forgotten
anything. 

"Yeah." I absentmindedly replied. 

Knowing I wanted a few minutes to myself, Ben picked up the suitcase.
"We'll be in the livingroom when you're ready." 

Now it was my turn to thank him. After Ben quietly shut the door, I headed
out onto the lanai. Looking into the morning sky, I closed my eyes and one
by one filtered out the sounds of the city. Before I knew it, it was the
summer before last and I was once again lost in the woods with Ben. 

Here we were about to embark on another adventure together. Life with that
man would never be dull, that's for sure! It was odd, but lately I had
found myself thinking back to that summer quite often. Taking one last
look, I headed into the livingroom. 

 

Everyone was talking at once and laughing. Confused, I stood there for a
minute. Was I the only one feeling some trepidation? 

"Hey Analise" Stan greeted, causing everyone else to look over at me.
Forcing myself to smile broadly, I took a deep breath and walked into the
room. 

"Sorry to keep you waiting. What's everyone laughing about?" I asked as I
sat down beside Ben. 

"Ray was just telling us of when Fraser first came to Chicago." Meg
informed me. Looking at Ben, I wasn't surprised to see a definite rosy hue
on his face.  

"So anyway, there I was in the cell, trying to nail this guy and in comes
Fraser, fresh from the north asking for Detective Armani." Ray finished. 

Everyone cracked up laughing, even Ben, and it was obvious I came in on
the end of the story. I still had no clue what they were talking about. 

"How did you know the man was an impostor?" Maggie asked when the laughter
died down. 

Ben tugged at his ear. "He had a hole in his shoe."  

"That's it? A hole?" Stan was dumbfounded as Ben nodded in confirmation. 

"That's Fraser for ya." Frannie added. 

Silence fell over the room as we knew this was it. It was time to go. No
one really wanted to say the words though. The only sound was from JC
gurgling as she played with Ray's jacket. 

"I guess we should..." Ben started his voice barely above a whisper. 

"Yeah..." I added. 

As one, we all got up to go. Maggie and Ray put the babies in their car
seats, and Stan picked up the last suitcase. Meg and Frannie took the two
diaper bags leaving nothing for Ben or myself to do. For support, Ben
wrapped his arm around my waist and I grabbed my purse and keys. 

Looking at the pieces of metal in my hand, I gave a short laugh. Some
habits die hard.  

"Ready?" Maggie asked as she looked at everyone. 

"Yep, let's do it." I said and held the door open for everyone. After they
left the apartment, I looked around one last time, and placed my keys on
the credenza before shutting the door. 

 

"How are we going to do this?" Ray asked, looking at everyone. "Why don't
Stan and I take the twins and Frannie in his car, and the rest of you can
go in the RIV?" Maggie suggested. 

Meg and Ray exchanged a quick look of panic at the suggestion, but when
everyone else started moving to make it happen, neither wanted to be the
one to speak up. 

After making sure the babies were secured, Ben held the door to the RIV
open for Meg and myself. We climbed into the back seat, and Ben took his
customary place in the front. 

The ride to the airport was mixed for me. I was feeling excited, sad,
worried... Somehow, I managed to make it this far without becoming ill,
but the butterflies in my stomach were giving me a run for my money. Even
Ray was driving the speed limit, and stopping at all lights and signs. 

For the most part none of us spoke. It was if we were trying to defy
reality. Meg busied herself with looking out the window, and Dief seemed
melancholy as he rested his head on his paws. 

I couldn't help but wish something would happen. A gunshot, a stolen
purse, just something to make us stop. I didn't want to leave everyone. 

"Call when you get there." Came a quiet voice. 

I looked over to see Meg looking at me, trying her Mountie best to hide
her emotions. She was like a sister to me, and I didn't know if this move
was going to be harder on me, or on her. I would be leaving all my friends
and family, but Meg would be just as lonely. Although she's around
everyone, she always had this persona of distancing herself. She's the
only person I knew who could be in a room full of people, and still be
alone. Glancing over at Ray, I really hoped he would be the one who could
bring her out of her shell. 

Ben turned around from the front seat. "I'll make sure we do."	

"Good."  

In the distance, I could make out the distinct form of the airport
building, and felt my heart lurch. It was too quick. Since when does
Chicago traffic let you get to the airport on time anyway? 

Ray pulled his car along side of the drop off, and sighed as he turned off
the engine. Instead of getting out, he looked at the steering wheel,
running his hand across the hard surface of it. "I guess this is it." He
stated in a monotone voice. 

Ben looked at him quizzically. "We'll still keep in touch Ray." 

"It wont be the same." Ray objected. 

"Ray, I'll make sure we call regularly." I said as I leaned forward, and
placed a hand on his shoulder. 

Stan walked up to the window and knocked on the glass. "You guys getting
out or what?"  

Looking behind me, Maggie and Frannie were already out of the car with the
babies, and I waved at them. 

"Hold your horses." Ray snapped at him. Turning in his seat, Ray looked at
Ben seriously. 

"Benny, tell me this is what you really want. Tell me you're making the
right decision." He pleaded. 

Ben swallowed hard as he looked at his friend. "I'm sure Ray. We want to
go home." His voice was barely above a whisper, and I could read a small
amount of self doubt, but not much. 

"Analise? Are you sure?" Ray then asked me, I guess hoping for an out.
Something to convince us to stay. 

My eyes never left Ben's. Smiling, I took a deep breath and nodded my head
slowly. "I want to go home." I whispered. Ben gave me a relieved smile,
and reached out to caress my cheek. 

Ray and Meg exchanged a look, and then he reluctantly opened his door,
holding the seat forward for Meg. Taking her hand, he helped her out of
the Riv. 

"Thank you." She said as their eyes locked. Both sets filled with the
sorrow of good bye. 

"No problem" Ray mumbled as he unlocked the trunk and started to unload
bags. 

Ben held the door for me, and Dief bounded past us. He gave my hand a
quick squeeze after helping me out of the riv, and then went to help Ray
unload. With everyone helping, it didn't take long before we were heading
into the terminal. 

Ben led us over to an out of the way bench. "I'll check us in" he said as
he placed Robert's carrier down. "Dief come." 

The wolf whined and came over to me, placing his head in my lap. Petting
him affectionately, I leaned over and gave him a hug. 

"Come on, you're a brave wolf, it won't be that bad." 

Ben looked disapprovingly at the animal. "You're getting soft." 

I watched as he reluctantly walked over to Ben.  

"That's better" Ben looked back at me. "this won't take long." 

I smiled at him and watched as he, Ray and Stan manhandled the luggage to
the reception counter. 

"Nervous?" Meg asked smiling at me. 

"Yeah, excited too." I added quickly. 

"I have some leave time accrued, maybe I'll come up this spring to visit."
She offered. 

"That would be great!" A wicked thought crossed my mind and I smiled at
her. "Maybe Ray could come with you. I'm sure Ben would love to see him." 


Meg's response was to turn bright red. "I... I suppose that's an option."
She stammered. 

Smiling broadly, I was happy she didn't outright reject the idea, and I
continued to stare at her while grinning like an idiot.  

Standing, Meg spoke "I'm going to see if Fraser...Ben needs help." 

"Say hi to Ray for me." I knew it was mean, but I just had to tease her. 

Meg rolled her eyes at me as she walked away. 

Maggie was holding both babies, talking to them softly. 

"How are you doing?" I asked , knowing it was just as hard for her to
adjust to city life as it will be fore me to live in the middle of
nowhere. 

"Fine, why do you ask?" 

"I wanted to make sure you were happy here." 

"Haven't we already had this conversation?" She asked. 

"You trust people like Ben. I just don't want to see you get hurt." 

She smiled at me. "Now you sound like Ben." 

"Understood." I teased. 

"I'll look out for her." We looked up to see Stan smiling down at Maggie.
I had to admit. I had never seen him happier than when he looked at her. 

"I certainly hope so." Ben added coming up beside him. 

Maggie frowned and stood up. Her gaze shifted between the both of them. "I
am more than capable of looking after myself." Her voice was even as she
spoke. 

"Of course." Ben quickly added. "I didn't mean to offend you, I just worry
sometimes." 

Maggie looked hard at him and then over at Stan. She gave him a
questioning look, waiting for his excuse.  

"Uh...what he said." Stan nodded his head towards Fraser. 

"Good. As long as we understand each other." She said, then smiled at the
two men. Relief washed over them and they visibly relaxed. 

"Ready?" I asked Ben. 

"Oh!" He shuffled a few papers in his hand. "We are gate 37." 

Maggie strapped Robert in his carrier, and I did the same for JC. I picked
up the carrier, but Ray walked over to me. 

"I'll take that for you." He offered as he reached for it. Everyone else
picked up the diaperbags and other carrier, leaving Ben and myself empty
handed. 

"Hey, wait up!" Frannie hurried towards us with a bag in her hands. 

Ray scowled at her. "About time! Where did you disappear to?"  

She favored him with a glare. " IF you must know, I went to the gift
shop." She said and stuck her tongue out at him. 

Frannie came over to me, "I thought you guys could use this on the plane."
She handed me the bag as she spoke. 

"You didn't have to do that Frannie." I said, touched by the gesture. 

"Hey, I flew there before. Trust me, I'm saving your life!" 

I laughed at her and shook my head. "You're the best, thanks." I gave her
a hug. 

We started walking towards the gate and Ben took the bag from me. His
other hand found mine and he held it tightly as we made our way through
the crowds. 

When we reached the metal detectors, we put all the bags on the conveyor
belt and Frannie and I walked the babies through. Ray was the next to go,
and he ended up setting off a light. 

"Sir, could you please empty your pockets and step through again?" The
guard asked him. 

Sighing, Ray dug out his badge and stuck it in the man's face. "I don't
think so pal." 

Stan repeated the action and they started to collect the bags from the
other side. 

Ben shook his head and dutifully empties his pockets, stepped effortlessly
through the detector. Meg followed suit giving an annoyed look to Ray. 

"What?" He asked her. 

Ben leaned over towards Ray, giving him that boy scout grin of his. "It
only takes an extra second to be courteous." He reminded his friend. 

"Not that again." Ray groaned as he picked up the carrier. 

"Don't waste your breath Fraser, he has rude embedded in his bones." Meg
remarked and I could tell she was trying to egg him on. 

"I think we both know the answer to that...Meg."  

She stepped closer to him. "Anyone can be polite and show good manners for
one night." 

Ray also stepped closer to her. "Are you implying I couldn't keep it up?" 

It was all Meg could do to keep from laughing but no matter how hard she
tried, she couldn't keep the smile from her face. 

"I really wouldn't know whether or not you could keep it up." 

Frannie and I both laughed while Maggie's mouth dropped in shock. Stan was
grinning broadly. 

Once the meaning of her words sunk in, Ray's eyes grew wide. 

"Ray, Meg, we really do need to get moving." Ben intervened. 

She smiled triumphantly as she picked up a diaper bag. Ray took a step
towards her. "Wait just a min--" 

"Ray?" I interrupted him. "We really don't want to miss our plane." 

Grumbling, he glared at Meg, "This conversation isn't over." 

Meg looked over at me, pure mischief in her eyes, then looked at Ray.
"What conversation?"  

Stan laughed out loud as he headed down the terminal. Ben placed a hand on
Ray's shoulder, and led him towards the gates. When we were far enough
away, I laughed at Meg. "You are too much." 

"I have no idea what you're talking about." 

"Sure you don't." Frannie added. 

We headed down the terminal, and found the guys sitting by the window. The
huge 747 was visible right outside causing me to take a deep breath,
forcing the butterflies back down. 

This was it. We were leaving in... I glanced down at my watch. Twenty
minutes. Just twenty minutes left. We joined the guys, and Ray still
grumbled under his breath. Apparently wanting to still defend his manhood.


We were sitting in the crowded waiting area with the rest of the
passengers. I knew we would be one of the first people on board, since
they always let passengers with small children go first. Looking around at
everyone, a warm tear coursed down my cheek. 

Frannie was standing by the window, and I noticed she started to shake.
She wrapped her arms around herself and looked back at us. 

"Francesca" she turned to look at Ben. "Please don't be sad." Ben said as
he went up to her. She turned and hugged him tight. 

Ben stiffened but then held her close, comforting her. "You can rest
assured we will keep in touch." 

"It wont be the same Fraser" she protested. "Why can't the two of you stay
here? We're your family. You'll be all alone up there!" 

Ray approached them. "Frannie, come on." He gently pried her off of Ben.
As much as they got on each others nerves, she was his sister and he
didn't like to see her hurting. 

Ben took a deep breath and looked out the window as he tried to bring his
emotions under control. Maggie walked up to hem and put her hand on his
shoulder. 

"I know this isn't easy for you. You've probably been questioning this
decision for months." 

He looked over at his sister shocked. Maggie gave him a sad smile. "I went
through the same thing before I came here. Trying to decide whether I was
making the right decision." 

Ben raised an eyebrow "and did you?" 

She subconsciously glanced at Stan, but it wasn't lost on Ben. 

"I think so" she spoke quietly, then smiled. 

Ben looked over at the blond man watching as he held Jacinda and talked
with Frannie. "He's a good man." 

"Yes, he is." She agreed. 

I looked over at Meg who was doing her best to show no emotion. As soon as
Maggie finished speaking to Ben, she approached him. I stood and Ray, Stan
and Frannie stopped talking. 

"I'll be right back. I just....need to..." I motioned towards the bathroom
as I spoke and took a few steps backwards. To my relief, they went back to
talking. Heading towards the bathroom, I glanced back one last time.
Seeing no one looking, I went around the corner instead. 

Walking to a nearby window, I folded my arms in front of myself and leaned
against the pane. It was all I could do not to break down crying in front
of everyone. The last thing Ben needed was for me to start also. 

My mind drifted back to our mountain and our journey home. The day we
found the back road flashed across my memory and I thought my world had
ended. A familiar tingle went through me, and I wasn't surprised to feel
two arms wrap around me, pulling me close. 

"What are you thinking of?" Ben's voice was a velvety murmur by my ear. 

"You. Me. Everything."	

We were quiet as we looked out the window. The loud speaker jumped to
life. 'Flight 126 to Toronto now boarding at gate 37.' 

I felt my heart lurch and took a deep calming breath. 

"If you are having doubts just say the word Analise, and we wont go."
Ben's voice wavered as he spoke and held me tight. "I love you, and I
don't care where we live as long as you're happy." 

The concern he showed for me was too much and I couldn't keep the tears
from falling. What did I want? I turned in his arms and smiled through my
tears at the serious look on his face. 

"Let's go home Ben... I want to go home." I spoke with a quiet
determination. 

The last time I said those words to Ben, I thought my world had ended. Now
I knew it was just beginning. 

 

THE END 

I want to send a big TYK to Frasrgrl, Lucky 13, Icecat62 and Jen LG for
being my beta's on Twilight. I couldn't have done it without them, or the
feedback from the many people who have read this series. 

Please feel free to e-mail me with comments at zzzaney@att.net